The Accidental Discovery :: My Sibling is a Sociopath
PART 2: How I almost missed that Red Flag.

 
… con’t from Part 1

Five days had passed since I pulled my son DK out of school. Due to the school’s inability, or more precisely, unwillingness to recognize their student-on-student harassment problem, I was forced to tackle it myself, at least as for my son. Once again, though, it seemed like the bad guys had scored another victory … but they had accomplices: the school administration.

By Sunday morning, my sketchy plan was to file a formal complaint with the Board of Education, talk to the police, and if need be, an attorney. I’d complete the details by day’s end.

An unexpected call from Kathy

Shortly after noon, the phone rang. It was a call from my sister, Kathy.

I recall she sounded upbeat, saying we hadn’t spoken in a while, and she just wanted to chat and see how we were doing. It was not something she did often, but just occasionally — maybe once every year or two. Even though distracted with the issues I was facing, I began sharing information about us as a family in general.

I recall the very next thing she asked was how the kids were doing. Although I did not want to share much detail about my DK’s situation, I began with talking about how my daughter EK was doing. Eventually, I segued to my son, saying …

“And unfortunately, DK’s not doing very well.”

She expressed concerned, “He’s not?  Why? … what’s wrong?”

I told her about how he’d been being harassed by fellow students, about how the school had more important things to deal with, and due to yet another incident, I took him out so as to get him away from his hell, as well as giving me time to make some changes for him going forward.

Sharing the brief overview of his current situation could not have taken much more than one minute. Which surely contributed to my shock from her next comment …

“He’s welcomed to come here and finish the school year.”

“What!? Kath, you’re kidding, right!?”

“Of course not. Both B and K are out on their own now, so that leaves just T still here … so we have plenty of room. Really, he is welcomed to finish the school year here.”

“I don’t know what to say. I hardly told you anything, yet you’re response, yet just like that, you offer to put in up till summer? You know, he doesn’t even know you … any of you. Are you sure?”

“What’s family for, Lar?”

“You have no idea. I’m so touched by your offer … are you sure you wouldn’t like to think it over first?”

“No, not at all.”

“I am so stunned. Thank you for your generosity. Don’t you need to discuss it with Marlin?”

“No, I’ll just let him know … he’ll be fine.”

“So what do you think? We probably need to get him out here quickly.”

“You’re right, so I need to give this some serious thought. And after that, I’ll need to have a long talk with DK.”

“The final decision won’t be mine … it’ll be entirely his.”

“And, I do really appreciate this … thanks again. I’ll give you a call later this afternoon.”

A New Option for DK

From the time my kids were in pre-school, I always addressed them respectfully as human beings, not as subordinate children. That probably helped promote our ability to talk things through, even tough subjects, and communicate like I never could with my own dad.

DK and I spoke for over an hour about all the options, but primarily I focussed the discussion with an in-depth view of Kathy’s offer. As we wrapped up, DK asked me one final question, “Dad, what do you think would be the best option for me?”

I told him that if he felt comfortable traveling cross-country to stay with people he doesn’t know, but will in very little time, as well as attend a different school for about three months, then I suggested he accept Kathy’s offer.

And with that, he said, “OK, I’ll do it.”

Time to update DK’s mom and see the first Red Flag

I told DK we had plenty to do in a very short time, but before we even get back to Kathy, he needed to call his mom and give her a complete update, as she had no idea of any of this.

I also let him know, that based on years of experience, whenever his mom was faced with something she didn’t expect, she almost always had the same, very predictable reaction … which could also be defined as a very distinct over-reaction.

To that end, I suggested that I stay nearby, so as soon as he drops the bomb, producing the detonation on the other end of the line, he can simply hand the phone to me. I would then be able to bring Julie, his mom, up to speed on all the details. He knew his mom well enough to say, “Oh good, thanks.”

As he went to get the phone, I was first going to begin getting stuff done nearby, but decided, instead, to just wait, so I sat on his bed. When he returned, he sat directly to my right. He speed-dialed his mom’s number, and brought the phone up to his left ear … the ear closest to me.

Due to our house being very quiet, and his mom’s volume just the opposite, I found myself hearing both sides of the conversation clearly from the moment she answered.

After a few moments of greetings and unrelated chat, DK told his mom that he was going to fly out to Arizona and live with his Aunt Kathy until the school year ends.

That was my cue, as I was ready to take over the call.

But instead, I clearly heard something else entirely …

“I know!!  I think Kathy’s the greatest.  You’ll really …”

“I know!” ?  Their discussion continued, but that’s all I heard, as I was immediately distracted by an obvious red flag hitting me in the face.

Shortly thereafter, I heard DK say “good-bye” and hang-up. His mom never knew I was sitting right there, and DK did not pick-up on her unexpected admission. I saw no benefit to bring it to his attention, either.

Two words that completely changed my life

At that point, I realized it was time to close my mouth and blink again. What I had just heard was so unexpected that I was literally stunned. Those two words kept repeating like a skip on an old 45. Never once, even while we were married, was I ever aware that either of them they were in contact. Maybe they weren’t then, but then I would not know about this if I had not decided to sit and wait.

“I know!” ??  There was only one way Julie could have known, and that would have been directly from Kathy. But why? Was this just a fluke, or had communication been ongoing? Over eight years had passed since our divorce.

The very first and strongest thought that crossed my mind was that Julie had begun to infiltrate my family. “Infiltrate” is a strong word, but Julie’s deceptive manipulation is beyond belief. If Julie had a plan of some sort, then my family, specifically Kathy, needed to be warned — that’s correct: “warned” as in the potential of danger.

I never informed my family about Julie’s true character, the one behind her charming public persona, nor did I think — albeit hope — I would ever need to. Most people can not accept that “such a nice person” can harbor such malicious and deliberate evil.

But in Julie’s case, I not only have substantiation from her own journals, and voice recordings, but I also have her official psychological diagnosis — items that I never even shared their existence with any member of my family or family friends.

Why didn’t I disclose Julie’s diagnosed conditions?

Besides integrity, in this instance, there were really three more reasons …

1 :: That thing I call my core foundation. I’ve never been one to gossip, or pass on hearsay about people behind their backs (I will share later in this story when I discovered that the majority in my extended family are just the opposite).

2 :: I’ve always been very private with my personal family information, and this qualifies as such.

3 :: In this very unique instance, protecting my kids was most important, and my highest concern. I decided they would only learn about their mom from their own experiences with her. I never once spoke negatively of their mom. And I was unwilling to risk having distorted rumors passing to my kids from outsiders.

Both my son and daughter discussed, with me, observations they made at their mom’s, as well as questioning their mom’s comments, usually about me, which they believed were not true (very wise kids) … all at much younger ages than I had expected.

Protecting my kids came with a trade-off … it also protected their mom’s evil

I have a copy of Julie’s clinical psychological evaluation. I determined I had no reason for family and family friends to even be aware of her evaluation. Julie is a master at manipulating people, something she once even wrote in a notebook that she can always use sex to get what she wants.

The thumbnail includes direct quotes from her evaluation, but in general, it indicates she’s a very troubled, and potentially dangerous individual, with paranoid tendencies which could contribute to unwarranted revengeful acts against others. She even manipulated the psychologist conducting the three-day test, and in probably more ways then I discovered. And after being with her for 13 years, I discovered the hard way how she was able to hide some very serious conditions she lives with.

I know from personal experience that she can become violently hostile with no warning, and no reason. Although she swung at me for unknown reasons, she successful nailed me with a sucker punch as I walked in from work one day. I was thrown back into the garage, with a stream of blood coming off my face. I was forced to crawl on the garage floor trying to find my glasses, only to discover that one of the temples had been flattened. I wouldn’t even attempt to fix it myself, so I wore my contacts, making excuses for my shiner, and left a bit early to run by the house, grab my glasses and get them repaired.

I ran upstairs, grab them off the dresser, but something wasn’t right … I looked down at them, and they had already been repaired. Years later, I asked her why, and she stated she clearly remembered punching me as I walked in, but had no idea why. She also claimed she had no memory of having them repaired.

I am also well aware of her character assassination activities against me, and I’ve recently discovered documents going all the way back to the 80s. The ones I discovered were most likely drafts of letters written to her mom. In an attempt to cover her own immoral activities, she wrote those letters with fabricated events that focussed, and put the blame on me.

And the discovery which proved most shocking were her multiple attempts at having me arrested based completely on fabricated events. She perjured herself to file one completely fabricated allegation against me, and even though it was quickly proven an outright lie, she somehow managed to avoid prosecution. She once wrote in a notebook that she lives her life in a fantasy, and I’m the only one who sees it.

After discovering that Julie had been in contact with Kathy, I decided that I needed to share specific information with Kathy, about Julie, information that primarily warned her that Julie was very scheming and manipulative, and a pathological liar.

“School Bully” Cover-up Continues.

But before I made that call to Kathy, I wanted to make sure that we stayed on-track to get DK everything he needed, and en route to Arizona as quickly as possible. I got him on a flight just two days later, on Tuesday morning, with most everything he needed, except for the school transcripts.

I had an appointment at the school, late Tuesday, to sign all the required documents so they could forward DK’s transcripts. I didn’t know it until I arrived at school, but I was about to be shocked one more time.

Without a doubt, the administration knew that I was taking DK out of their school because of the ongoing problem with school bullies, and unchecked harassment. They also knew that DK was going to finish the school year living with his aunt, and then return.

While signing all the paperwork, I got to the document that included the field for explaining: Reason for Withdrawing.

The following had already been typed in: Moving out of state.

From my own research, as well as what Dr. Bob shared, I’ve come to the realization that this is a huge cover-up affecting most every school district in the country.

Reflection: The Power of a RED FLAG

If I had not been sitting right next to DK when he called his mom, I would have missed that comment by Julie. That comment was the catalyst for asking the question which led to the One Small Lie and the second Red Flag — which is in part 3.

When I saw that first red flag appear, there was absolutely no way I could have predicted the impact it would have on me. But being there to hear Julie’s words — words of admission I was certainly not meant to hear — not only changed my life going forward, but also opened the door to rewrite my history, all the way back to my childhood.

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Next, more red flags than you can count …

Con’t in Part 3 …