PART 4: Body English: Physical Reactions while Lying
… con’t from Part 3
It was now less than two weeks before my scheduled trip to Mesa. As I stated in part 3, this was to fulfill my week-long obligation to house-sit and kid-sit for Kathy and Marlin while they were out of town.
As I planned, after those first phone calls with Kathy, I did not mention anything relating to Julie or Kathy’s mystery denials of communication. During that month, my 10-year-old daughter returned from one of her mom-visitation-weekends, with a question …
“Yes she is.”
“Well, that’s what I thought.
During that month, Kathy also began to give me hints as to where this train was going. The first hint came right out-of-the-blue.
During a phone call,
It’s so obvious to me when someone asks a question like that — they say just enough to be condescending, but not enough to let you know what they’re talking about. So it’s one way to force the discussion.
I asked her if she could be a little more specific.
Kathy’s true intentions were becoming very obvious.
Kathy was setting expectations for David. I’ve come to believe that expectations are dangerous, unless one is setting expectations for themselves only — and not attempting to establish them for someone else.
I did my best to keep that smile in my voice when I reminded her that David liked reading, and that it was his way of relaxing, and, especially now, traveling to new world (Arizona), then traveling to another world (in the book), so as to escape this real world (can I come, too?).
I also told her he’s not much of a conversationalist until he gets to know people better.
ONE WEEK TO GO
Obviously struggling with her own concern and confusion, Cee told me that she felt
Cee said that Kathy was planning to have me meet with David’s school counselor, but then added,
I thanked Cee, and told her that I would be more diligent.
THE WEEK WITHOUT AN ENDING
My flight arrived in Phoenix, just after sunset, in mid-May 2003. Kathy and David greeted me at the airport.
As we drove to Kathy’s home, all three of us carried on a nice, light-hearted casual chat, when, without any warning of an impending change of topic, tone or attitude, Kathy unexpectedly blurted out …
It was not in the form of a question. At the most, I replied with, “OK.” Her delivery, though, resulted in a short silence. She was probably ready to field questions … but I gave her none.
I couldn’t be sure if it began right then, or if it was just the first time being with her to clearly observe and feel it, but I knew she seemed very uncomfortable with me, and as time passed, I concluded that I was intimidating her.
As I began to think back over our phone calls since David moved there, I believe she had tried to engage me to argue, or get defensive, which, of course, she failed, and only confirmed that she doesn’t know me well.
Due to additional information that came together over the next few weeks, it became painfully clear that
I was also aware that Kathy had everything needed to record phone calls, and potentially, she felt that she could use that to her advantage to strengthen Julie’s case that the kids would be better off with her.
The fact is, though,
One would have to question why I was told, and never asked, to meet with my son’s counselor. It was also obvious that an explanation or agenda for the meeting was never offered, including that it was not the counselor’s idea or the counselor’s request to meet with me.
I would not be taking them to the airport until the day after I spent a full day with Kathy. Marlin had to work that next day, and their flight was scheduled for the following morning. Kathy seemed fairly relaxed, as she showed me the stuff I needed to know at their home, as well as help get my bearings locally, specifically the locations of both the middle school and high school. I spent very little time speaking, as I focussed on listening, and observing even the smallest idiosyncrasies.
Kathy’s daughter, Tara, was very quiet, and I noticed she rarely, if ever, made eye-contact with Kathy. That may not be unusual for a teen of that age, but I couldn’t understand the way Kathy spoke to her. The best I can describe it was that Kathy appeared to be speaking with a completely different person.
I could not discern whether Kathy was doing it for my benefit, or if she was actually a bit clueless. She spoke to Tara as if she were speaking with someone who was equally involved with the discussion, keeping eye-contact, ready to interject her own thoughts, and generally, someone showing respect to the speaker.
But then you would look at Tara. She was physically there, but mentally in another galaxy. It appeared she did not hear a thing her mom was saying, as she sat reading the paper, never looking up, never responding, and in essence, completely ignoring Kathy. But if you had your eyes closed, the expected visual would be completely different.
The only time I ever heard anything resembling a word from Tara was when Kathy required an answer, which was usually satisfactorily fulfilled with a yes or no … though what came out, was a sound that I was unable to distinguish as either being affirmative or negative. But due to the fact Kathy could decipher it, told me that this was probably more of the norm. After her folks left, though, Tara opened up and was very pleasant.
THE RED FLAG: Physical Dance of Deception
Sometime during the afternoon, Kathy and I had planted ourselves in her kitchen to continue our talk about house “stuff.” With so many thoughts in my mind, I almost missed the fact that right there, where we were standing, was my perfect opportunity … and if I had waited much longer, I would have missed it.
Here’s the layout: Kathy has an island in her kitchen, about three feet from the wall counter. I was leaning against the island counter-top, and directly across from me, Kathy was leaning against the wall counter-top.
We were already having a pleasant discussion. Looking Kathy directly in her eyes, and keeping the same tone, attitude, and smile on my face, I stated my exact same question, as the follow-up question from our phone call …
Keep in mind, my highest priority went to incoming visual data. Even though I was not expecting her answer to change, I certainly was not expecting to hear the exact same words …
Surprisingly, my first thought was that her response would not have been mine. If someone had asked me the same question three times, my first response would be quite different. Something like …
Why do you keep asking me the same question?
That, in itself, told me something. But after that, it was not easy to catch all her fast changes while not appearing to be focussing on them.
When Kathy can’t hide behind a phone.
I stayed right where I was and reflected on everything I just saw. Her physical response confirmed my worst fears.
Continued in Part 5, it only got weirder and weirder…