The Accidental Discovery :: My Sibling is a Sociopath
PART 4: Body English: Physical Reactions while Lying

 
… con’t from Part 3

It was now less than two weeks before my scheduled trip to Mesa. As I stated in part 3, this was to fulfill my week-long obligation to house-sit and kid-sit for Kathy and Marlin while they were out of town.

As I planned, after those first phone calls with Kathy, I did not mention anything relating to Julie or Kathy’s mystery denials of communication. During that month, my 10-year-old daughter returned from one of her mom-visitation-weekends, with a question …

“Dad, isn’t Aunt Kathy your sister?”

“Yes she is.”

“Well, that’s what I thought. So why does my mom spend so much time talking to Aunt Kathy on the phone?”

During that month, Kathy also began to give me hints as to where this train was going. The first hint came right out-of-the-blue.

During a phone call, Kathy asked, “What’s wrong with DK?”

It’s so obvious to me when someone asks a question like that — they say just enough to be condescending, but not enough to let you know what they’re talking about. So it’s one way to force the discussion.

“Doesn’t he know he’s supposed to socialize?”

I asked her if she could be a little more specific.

“When I take him shopping, he brings a book and reads it in the car. Doesn’t he know that’s rude … and he should socialize with me?”

Kathy’s comments were becoming very obvious.

I’ve come to believe that expectations are dangerous, unless one is setting those expectations for themselves … not attempting, though, to establish them for someone else (i.e., in Kathy’s case, it’s just control). I remember feeling that she had just proven that her original offer, based on a place for DK to relax, a place of sanctuary, was just another lie.

I did my best to keep that smile in my voice when I reminded her that he liked reading, and that it was his way of relaxing and, especially now, traveling to new world (Arizona), then traveling to another world (in the book), so as to escape this real world (can I come, too?).

I also told her he’s not much of a conversationalist until he gets to know people better. I did not mention that he’s also quite intuitive and is turned-off by pushy people.

ONE WEEK TO GO

I got my first warning from a very close friend, Cee, who had received a call from Kathy. I remember the look on her face, just as much as I remember Cee’s words. She told me that she had just experienced one of the strangest calls she could remember.

Obviously struggling with her own concern and confusion, Cee told me that she felt Kathy was, “out to get you.”  Cee asked me what was going on, and I told her everything I knew at that point, “I don’t really know.”

Cee said that Kathy was planning to have me meet with DK’s school counselor, but then added, “It sounds as if she’s setting you up. I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to be very careful.”

I thanked Cee, and told her that I would be more diligent.

THE WEEK WITHOUT AN ENDING

My flight arrived in Phoenix, just after sunset, in mid-May 2003. Kathy and DK greeted me at the airport.

As we drove to Kathy’s home, all three of us carried on a nice, light-hearted casual chat, when, without any warning of an impending change of topic, tone or attitude, Kathy unexpectedly blurted out …

“Larry, you have an appointment with DK’s school counselor at ten o’clock Tuesday morning.”

It was not in the form of a question. At the most, I replied with, “OK.” Her delivery, though, resulted in a short silence. She was probably ready to field questions … but I gave her none.

I couldn’t be sure if it began right then, or if it was just the first time being with her to clearly observe and feel it, but I knew she seemed very uncomfortable with me, and as time passed, I concluded that I was intimidating her. As I began to think back over our phone calls since DK moved there, I believe she had tried to engage me to argue, or get defensive, which, of course, she failed, and only confirmed that she doesn’t know me well.

Due to additional information that came together over the next few weeks, it became painfully clear that my own sister was attempting to help Julie get custody of both DK and his younger sister EK. I was also aware that Kathy had everything needed to record phone calls, and potentially, she felt that she could use that to her advantage to strengthen Julie’s case that the kids would be better off with her.

The fact is, though, Julie never wanted custody … she only wanted to quit paying child support. Twice before that, she took me to court over child-support, and lost both times. To cover the cost to help support her two children, she was paying just $436 per month … not each, that was for both. A week after our divorce in early 1995, Julie married Christopher, and had three more children. She recently walked out on him for divorce … her fourth husband.

One would have to question why I was told, and never asked, to meet with my son’s counselor. It was also obvious that an explanation or agenda for the meeting was never offered, including that it was not the counselor’s idea or the counselor’s request to meet with me.

Since DK was getting good grades, and caused no problems … why would a temporary counselor “need” to speak with me? And why was there a sense of rushed anxiety when Kathy blurted it out. Since it was a few days away, I had time to determine if there was really any reason to attend.

I would not be taking them to the airport until the day after I spent a full day with Kathy. Marlin had to work that next day, and their flight was scheduled for the following morning. Kathy seemed fairly relaxed, as she showed me the stuff I needed to know at their home, as well as help get my bearings locally, specifically the locations of both the middle school and high school. I spent very little time speaking, as I focussed on listening, and observing even the smallest idiosyncrasies.

Kathy’s daughter, TK, was very quiet, and I noticed she rarely, if ever, made eye-contact with Kathy. That may not be unusual for a teen of that age, but I couldn’t understand the way Kathy spoke to her. The best I can describe it was that Kathy appeared to be speaking with a completely different person.

I could not discern whether Kathy was doing it for my benefit, or if she was actually a bit clueless. She spoke to TK as if she were speaking with someone who was equally involved with the discussion, keeping eye-contact, ready to interject her own thoughts, and generally, someone showing respect to the speaker.

But then you would look at T. She was physically there, but mentally in another galaxy. It appeared she did not hear a thing her mom was saying, as she sat reading the paper, never looking up, never responding, and in essence, completely ignoring Kathy. But if you had your eyes closed, the expected visual would be completely different.

The only time I ever heard anything resembling a word from TK was when Kathy required an answer, which was usually satisfactorily fulfilled with a yes or no … though what came out, was a sound that I was unable to distinguish as either being affirmative or negative. But due to the fact Kathy could decipher it, told me that this was probably more of the norm. After her folks left, though, TK opened up and was very pleasant.

RED FLAG CONFIRMATION: FACE-TO-FACE

Sometime during the afternoon, Kathy and I had planted ourselves in her kitchen to continue our talk about house “stuff.” With so many thoughts in my mind, I almost missed the fact that right there, where we were standing, was my perfect opportunity … and if I had waited much longer, I would have missed it.

Here’s the layout: Kathy has an island in her kitchen, about three feet from the wall counter. I was leaning against the island counter-top, and directly across from me, Kathy was leaning against the wall counter-top.

We were already having a pleasant discussion. Looking Kathy directly in her eyes, and keeping the same tone, attitude, and smile on my face, I stated my exact same question, as the follow-up question from our phone call …

“Oh yea, have you been communicating with Julie … you know, by email or by phone?”

Keep in mind, my highest priority went to incoming visual data. Even though I was not expecting her answer to change, I certainly was not expecting to hear the exact same words …

“No, I don’t even remember the last time we spoke.”

Surprisingly, my first thought was that her response would not have been mine. If someone had asked me the same question three times, my first response would be quite different. Something like …

Why do you keep asking me the same question?

That, in itself, told me something. But after that, it was not easy to catch all her fast changes while not appearing to be focussing on them. She never lost eye-contact with me. But contrary to common belief, eye-contact, or lack there-of, really does not mean much. Most everything else that I observed, though, did.

She immediately quit leaning against the counter and stood straight up. Her neck turned a bright red almost as if it occurred when I blinked. This entire time, all of maybe 10-15 seconds, I kept that warm smile, eye-contact, and I did not say a thing, as if I were waiting to see if she had more to say.

It seemed as if her lower body kept trying to leave but the top half resisted. Her anxiety was painfully obvious. And with nothing else said, she simply turned and walked out the room.

I stayed right where I was, and reflected on everything I just saw. Her physical response confirmed my worst fears. I was a bit naive. I was simply digging for the truth. In hindsight, though, I now see that I was digging my own grave.

… con’t in Part 5 …