Synopsis :: The most common question seems to be: “How do I identify a sociopath?” I believe it’s the wrong question.
Out of every 100 people, approximately 90 have at least one sociopath in their circle of friends. Those remaining 10 people are the sociopaths. Ballpark.
Estimates vary anywhere from 4% to 12% of those waiting in line with us at the grocery store are sociopaths. These personality disorders, categorized as sociopathic (or psychopathic), are very misunderstood by the public, especially in accepting the fact that they are extremely prevalent and dangerous. And that “danger” does not usually refer to physical violence.
I believe the first matter to deal with is to shed the denial. Of course, that’s very difficult to convince people of the reality … and for some, it’s virtually impossible. What is equally as 
prevalent and dangerous, as the condition itself, is the rampant denial. Those in denial will usually deny they’re in denial, too.
I used to get baffled as to why otherwise intelligent people would allow themselves to be controlled and manipulated. Intelligence actually has little to do with it. Psychopaths go after our emotions, are very shrewd and cunning, and are playing us right from the beginning. When they’re done, we believe we met one of the nicest people we know. It will be very difficult if we stay on the emotional level to ever see the truth.
Those who allow themselves to be manipulated are not only shallow, but are a big part of the problem. A sociopath’s power only grows with more blind followers, people I call “disciples.” My theory is that only a small minority of the population are true critical thinkers, though the majority would say they are.
Most psychopaths are never diagnosed, though, and that’s for one very simple reason: they do not want to be diagnosed. Most of the clinically-diagnosed psychopaths were already incarcerated and went through the clinical testing due to a court order. There is no blood-test-type diagnostic procedure providing a positive or negative result. The testing is quite complex.
“How do I identify a sociopath?”
That’s the most common question, and I believe, it’s the wrong question.
No matter what anyone tells you, attempting to conclusively identify a person as being a sociopath is nearly impossible, and the process itself can get you into deep trouble, as the sociopath’s next unwilling and unaware victim. Even if you waste an enormous amount of time doing your undercover, investigative work, and you conclude that the person in question is a sociopath, what would be your next step? How about: How do I protect myself from this sociopath?
It’s inevitable, but it’s your best first-line of defense. If you incorporate a system based in observation and correct reaction, you’ll be protected from sociopaths whether you suspect them or not. And when your system is fully implemented, it’s done from the subconscious level. It’s not something you think about … you just react appropriately.
“I don’t get it.”
And you won’t by the time you finish reading this post … but you’ll begin to. You’ll need to come back and build your arsenal. Nothing’s easy, but stick with this and you’ll get it.
Think about
I’ve seen data clearly state that male sociopaths outnumber female sociopaths. On one statistic, it stated there were four times as many male sociopaths as there are female. But allow me to make this suggestion: women are more likely to come forward with their stories of being victimized, more so than their male counterparts. I personally know this to be true, as I never came forward. And when violence erupts, women are also more likely to sustain injuries.
We do live in a country of liars, but so does everyone else on the planet. Lying crosses all perceived barriers: economic, gender, race, creed … it’s part of our global society. Sociopaths have embraced technology, using the power it provides to fulfill their personal agendas.
If there is one thing we can thank sociopaths for it would be for their indirect, and possibly unknown involvement on outlawing the use of polygraph testing in court. The polygraph itself — i.e., the lie-detector — uses very little science, though I certainly would not call it an art, either.
Its entire premise is based on recording a person’s physical changes — such as heart rate, blood pressure, perspiration, and breathing — brought on by the testee’s guilt from telling a lie, as determined by the tester’s opinion, watching and noting any physical changes, as well as those recorded by the seismograph-type gauges. A sociopath does not experience guilt; hence, the polygraph tester would report that the sociopath-testee “never lied once.”
The majority does not win.
One must always keep an open mind. Those who use their own brains, and not rely on others, have a much better chance of maintaining control of their own lives. Forget the notion that the majority wins. The majority is often comprised of a bunch of followers, those who rely on others to do their thinking for them.
Consider a large room full of people, all casually socializing. Everyone in that room knows the details of one specific event. A new person enters the room and mingles through the group, and over a period of time, hears the same story from multiple people … each indicating the same conclusion, and from the way they tell it, they know it from personal experience.
Question: How many times must the average person hear an unsubstantiated story (i.e., hearsay) before they accept it as true?
Not long ago, before technology was intertwined into our lives, even before the advent of the answering machine, it was not very easy to spread gossip quickly. But now, even someone sitting at work, can spread just-heard dirt to an unlimited number of people — hundreds, even — in just minutes. The potential is there.
Bad news travels fast.
So, let’s say someone hears something defamatory about a public figure (actor, politician, etc.), falling
Allow me to put that into perspective: let’s say it takes one person five minutes to send 20 emails. From the time that first person sent those 20 emails to their like-minded, gossip-spreading friends, and each of those friends spends the next five minutes forwarding it to 20 others — and so on —
Ready? What’s your guess? But first, did you understand the question? If in doubt, why not read it again to be sure. If you did understand the question, then the answer should not surprise you: sixty-four million people. Now, do you need to go back and read the question again? Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Since it takes five minutes for each mailing, 30 minutes can be split into six segments of five minutes each. Hence, there will only be six mailings. In the first five minutes, 20 people received the email.
Those 20 people each forward it to 20 more people, which means 400 people (20×20) have it during the second five-minute segment. The third five-minute segment results in 8000 people (20×400) reading the message. The fourth five-minute segment indicates that 160,000 people (20×8000) now have the email. The fifth mailing gets to a whopping 3.2 million (20×160,000). And by the final five-minute segment, the email has been forwarded to 64,000,000 bone heads. But that 64-million does not include all the previous recipients, so the actual number comes out to around 67,368,421.
Sociopaths are so evil, so manipulative and sinister, that virtually no one wants to accept the reality of a sociopath — whose own reality is lightyears from reality.
Their very real danger comes from the fact that they’ve had their entire life to learn the skills to create a public persona, a completely fabricated stand-out kind-of-person, one that seems to spew charm, concern, compassion, honesty, integrity, and morality. None of which they actually possess. Not in the least. But try to tell that to those who have been completely taken in by a sociopath, and they will defend that person unequivocally.
But for those with an open mind, those very few who stay on their toes, they may see a red flag, a warning from their own intuition. They sense something is not right — the spew-level is too high, way above the norm. A sociopath underscores the old advertising campaign of: “Perception and Reality.” And, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Time never makes for certainty.
In 2003, my sister, Kathy, lied to me about something I already knew the answer to. I thought it was quite benign until she lied about it, sending up a red flag for me. She obviously felt the need to hide something about it, so that’s what I needed to find out. Following up on it exposed that she had lied about many things in a short period of time, all relating to one event. Within 12-18 months, I had gathered enough inconsistencies and deceptions, when I was told exactly the fabricated lies she was telling people to assassinate my character.
I grew up with her, and witnessed her evil as a child, and feared her because of her ruthlessly vicious hostility against me. Yet I never even suspected her being a sociopath until I followed up on that one little lie. Kathy always had many “friends” but I realized none were close friends. By 2006, Kathy confirmed to be one of the most evil people I’ve ever known. I write a lot more about Kathy throughout this site.
People believe Kathy, yet if one pays the slightest attention to her, she’s a complete fake. One must question why she has never been able to maintain a job. She’s not intelligent, and does nothing … other than scheme, evidently. She has followers and disciples (including family), and when she sensed I was on to her, she easily got all of them to join in my banishment. People are so shallow.
Don’t let anything slide.
Throughout my life, when something didn’t seem right, I was never able to file it away until I made sense of it.
It is not as important to be able to identify sociopaths, as it is to always think for yourself — never allow someone else to think for you.
And never, ever, believe hearsay.
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Related Posts:
A family of sociopaths :: Part 1
Protect yourself from any sociopath.
Sociopaths are all the same … right?
What makes a sociopath so dangerous?
Psychopath/Sociopath: Similarities Outweigh Differences
Discovering Your Best Friend is a Sociopath
How do you spot a sociopath?
Identifying a Sociopath
AUDIO: Evidence from Recorded Phone Calls
Do School Administrators Help Young Sociopaths?
January 21st, 2010 at 18:42
If you cant get away or get the person out of your life, do you have any advice or experiences beating them down or running them off?
The one in my life has stolen my identity, tried to criminally frame me. Ive won the lawsuits so far but they keep upping the stakes. I need to take them out of the game
Advice?
January 21st, 2010 at 20:42
Your situation sounds as if you’re trapped.
I’d like to give this more focussed thought before I answer, but wanted to also open it up for suggestions by anyone.
January 26th, 2010 at 14:22
I must ask you to read my disclaimer on the legal page. It will state that I have no professional training in psychology, psychiatry, or even firearms … levity.
I cannot offer you any advice. The most I can do is share what I would do. As long as you’re aware this is not a recommendation or suggestion to you, you are welcome to continue reading. Our justice system (that being in the US) probably has a higher incident of sociopaths than the general public. The same goes for our elected officials. That’s my opinion, and I’m exercising my First Amendment Rights. Our justice system is severely broken. But I’ll save that for later.
>> “… beating them down or running them off …”
I would not even consider that. I know the strength and will that this kind of evil holds, and I would see it only as a suicide mission. They will not allow themselves to be beat.
If I were in that situation, I believe my only option would be to move … the further the better. That’s what I would do, and that’s what I will likely do soon. I’m at a place where I see that as my only real option. I will do it as secretively as I can, make it further than a one-day drive, and protect my new whereabouts as best as I can.
It’s relatively easy to find anyone nowadays, especially someone setting up a new household. I’m sure my sister was shocked last summer when I came across the real estate documentation on the Web, completely by accident, that she had bought a townhouse in Manhattan, moving from San Francisco. Even though she attempted to hide the move entirely from me, I not only had her new address, but I knew what she paid for it, the real estate agent, and who the seller was. So, I’d probably rent for a period of time, and ideally rent from a private party.
After that, I’d need to play everything by ear. I’d never be able to get rid of them, but I can do my best to vanish from them. If a job would be holding me back, it’s just another aspect that would need specific handling. Sanity, health and one’s wellbeing is number one.
And of course, this is only what I’m going to do, so wish me the best.
April 1st, 2011 at 11:22
I have a child with this man I am divorcing, and I’m in a custody battle with him. He is destroying my reputation and ruining my career and life. Can a lawyer help me for defamation of character and/or slander? or anything more ?
Help me to combat this insanity.
April 1st, 2011 at 17:00
Becca,
I think of any attorney as a hired gun.
They have the weapon, but you must provide all the ammunition — they have none on their own. Some attorneys shoot with a BB gun, others shoot with a howitzer cannon. You want to find one with a howitzer. Prepare to pay more, as you will get a bigger bang for your buck.
How do you find one? Referrals, research, go sit in a courtroom and watch for the attorneys who are successfully tough, but respectful of the court (i.e. the judge).
Tap your home phone to record discussions with your husband. Carry a wire to record discussions face-to-face (a “wire” could be as simple as an iPhone or iPod Touch with a microphone hidden on your body). Your word against his will be worth very little without hard evidence — he will charmingly lie under oath.
Ask your attorney to require a psychological evaluation for him, which will mean you will need to take one, too. You can also require drug testing.
Defamation of character and/or slander is verbal — you would need to have witnesses to corroborate your allegation. Libel is slander that is published — “published” could mean emails depending on your local laws.
I hope this helps, and I wish you the best. Understand, though, that it will be an uphill battle.
April 2nd, 2011 at 07:05
Thank you very much. I will stay strong and take your advice. I have my hiking boots on !
April 2nd, 2011 at 09:09
You’re welcome Becca. And hiking boots are easier to wear than a baseball bat is to carry.
January 10th, 2012 at 17:24
Yes, I am the victim of a sociopath (I prefer the name ‘psychopath’ as that is what they really are). The woman in question doesn’t even know me. That’s right, I’m a stranger, yet she’s gone out of her way to destroy my reputation and gossip me out of my community if she can. I refuse to leave. I will not break up a lifelong relationship and leave a happy home for a psycho, and that’s it. So I stay where I am and refuse to be manipulated by this evil woman.
Also, I think there are many more female psychopaths around than is generally thought. They do say that male psychopaths outnmuber female ones, but I am not sure their figures are correct. One reason is that there has been virtually no real studies done on female psychopathy; the other reason may be that female psychopaths might just be better at hiding it than their male counterparts, and of course, most people (psychologists included maybe) are less likely to want to believe that a woman can be a psychopath. But I’ve met quite a few female psychopaths in my lifetime, probably more than male ones and they can be evil and utterly ruthless.
I wish you all the best and don’t give up hope.
January 31st, 2012 at 02:33
I also have to wonder about that ratio. I’ve encountered at least a handful of sociopaths on the online world, all of them female, and have been targeted and abused by one in real life (my aunt – damaged me greatly, but sort of a very long story).
Right now, though, I’m witnessing a prime example of what you have written above. It’s an online “clique” of women, who are some of the most cruel, backstabbing, hypocritical and nasty people I have ever encountered. And they are all truly in denial. However, they didn’t all used to be that way. There is one in particular that set off my alarms immediately, the leader of the bunch. She fits that example of being too good to be true, as well as almost all the other classic signs of a sociopath.
She really gets off on bringing pain to those she doesn’t like, and loves to fight with people at every turn. Yet still, with all of these traits, she still has her followers back her up each time, and what is worse, praising her for a what a great person she is. I swear it makes my stomach turn when I see it. I sort of liken it to a cult mentality. Before I knew all they were about, they invited me into their fold, yet I quickly realized what it was about.
A slam group to talk bad about others behind their backs, and plan attacks on people in a public forum, and I knew this was not for me. I also could tell that the precious cult leader did not like me and was just waiting for a reason to launch an attack. Upon one of their regular online forum bashings, I decided to opt out of their forum attack on some individuals.
Because of this, the leader immediately went to work, tarnishing my rep and making stuff up to the other people about me. I left the group and thought perhaps it wouldn’t matter anymore if I just separated myself from them, but they followed me around through other routes and slammed me through passive aggressive, veiled attacks on the forums. It’s quite a scary thing to see, because I only believe one of them to be a sociopath, although one other woman is pretty hostile as well but she didn’t used to be that way.
Perhaps I could be wrong though, maybe it’s because I never knew her from the get go. But for most of them, a year ago or so, they were not like that. They seemed to change after joining the private group with this person. And I could not dare to even confront them on it. I’m quite confident that the reaction would be somewhat similar to what you would see in those videos on youtube, where people confront Scientologists.
They get all crazy and aggressive, and are in complete denial of what they willingly follow. It’s just a battle that can’t be won. I don’t have any de-programming skills to cope with this problem, so I’m doing all I can to avoid them. I didn’t fit into their group because I’m not a follower, and I can think for myself.
They claimed they wanted to be my friend, but what they really wanted was another attack dog for their gang of thugs.
February 2nd, 2012 at 00:59
Susie,
You’re correct: there really is no therapeutic diagnosis for sociopath. It was removed from professional use about 20 years ago, and replaced with the conditions (i.e., AsPD, APD, NPD, etc.). Most true psychopaths are not relegated to just one disorder.
It’s tough for me to imagine a psychopath just selecting someone at random to target. The wouldn’t necessarily know your friends, family, co-workers, etc. Are you in a small town?
I agree with you on your theory about female psychopaths. I’ve looked past my entire adult life and the far majority of what I would consider a true psychopath are women. But men, in general, are more violent … it’s the testosterone factor.
Although psychopaths and bullies are not the same, your consensus does remind me of my school days. Male bullies were blatantly aggressive and physical. Female bullies were much more prone to destroy their targets through tormenting and psychological means.
It is guesstimated that less than 5% of all psychopaths are incarcerated, and I believe those are all male. Of course, that means that we associate with the other 95% on a daily basis.
Those <5% psychopathic inmates account for over 20% of those incarcerated, and that 20% accounts for over 80% of all heinous crimes. It generally doesn’t even make the news unless a major crime occurs, and even then, it’s hardly mentioned.
The system is phuqued up and really needs an overhaul. As a simple analogy, in many states a person will do some time for smoking pot, a simple weed that the FDA has categorized at the same level as heroin. And while all that occurs, it’s almost impossible to legally expose a psychopath, someone who is destroying lives.
Psychopaths rely on devoted followers that will do just as they are instructed. That includes attacking other people’s characters. Who else is like that? Politicians rely on devoted followers (the Party) that will do just as they are instructed. And it’s expected that politicians will attack their opponents and other people characters for their personal gain. How similar.
And then there are judges. Many are elected so they need followers, and the judges follow closely in the politicians footsteps. And look at the supreme court … appointed by sitting presidents. Those appointed judges have undoubtedly been disciples of their political party. Not just appointed, but appointed for life. No one whatsoever should be given a tenure for life.
So coming full circle, our court system — both attorneys and judges — have many of the same traits as any typical psychopath. They thrive on power. Judges have the power to send people to their deaths. What’s the point? There are many dangerous people locked up for life with no possibility for parole … isn’t that enough? I digressed.
But, if I were to guess, based on my own experiences, I’d suggest that there are more female psychopaths than males. They’re just more conniving and sinister.
February 2nd, 2012 at 01:00
Hi Renee,
You have strength and intelligence. You saw the red flags, albeit as small as they were. You did the right thing by bailing.
But the fact that you were invited into their little circle, stayed briefly then left, you are now a perceived threat to them. You know too much. You know that those charming personas are all just an act. The risk you precent to them, based on their own paranoia, is that you will be somehow able to expose them. But a typical person cannot go up against a sociopath the wrath of a sociopath.
The term I coined is “offensive revenge” as they likely already placed you at the top of their “to-do” list. I would bet they began to assassinate your character as soon as they felt you were not one of them.
The character assassination against me began years before I ever knew it, and I’ve been able to track mine back to the first year of my marriage with Julie. I recently came across a notebook of draft letters to her mom where she was placing the blame on me for all her improprieties. After 12 years of marriage, I always wondered why her mom never liked me.
I’m sorry to say, but you can never really consider that they’ve forgotten about you. Identify the people in your life, ones that you can truly trust, and confide in them. Ideally, these people have no contact with that circle of evil.
And if you can, find a good psychologist with psychopathy training and experience. They are not easy to find. If you make an appointment with one, your agenda for that first appointment is to analyze them. Have you list of questions with you so you can determine if the therapist really does understand, above what is common knowledge.
I wish you peace.