Protect yourself from any sociopath.

Synopsis :: The most common question seems to be: “How do I identify a sociopath?”  I believe it’s the wrong question.

Out of every 100 people, approximately 90 have at least one sociopath in their circle of friends. Those remaining 10 people are the sociopaths. Ballpark.

Estimates vary anywhere from 4% to 12% of those waiting in line with us at the grocery store are sociopaths. These personality disorders, categorized as sociopathic (or psychopathic), are very misunderstood by the public, especially in accepting the fact that they are extremely prevalent and dangerous. And that “danger” does not usually refer to physical violence.

I believe the first matter to deal with is to shed the denial. Of course, that’s very difficult to convince people of the reality … and for some, it’s virtually impossible. What is equally as prevalent and dangerous, as the condition itself, is the rampant denial. Those in denial will usually deny they’re in denial, too.

I used to get baffled as to why otherwise intelligent people would allow themselves to be controlled and manipulated. Intelligence actually has little to do with it. Psychopaths go after our emotions, are very shrewd and cunning, and are playing us right from the beginning. When they’re done, we believe we met one of the nicest people we know. It will be very difficult if we stay on the emotional level to ever see the truth.

Those who allow themselves to be manipulated are not only shallow, but are a big part of the problem. A sociopath’s power only grows with more blind followers, people I call “disciples.” My theory is that only a small minority of the population are true critical thinkers, though the majority would say they are.

Most psychopaths are never diagnosed, though, and that’s for one very simple reason: they do not want to be diagnosed. Most of the clinically-diagnosed psychopaths were already incarcerated and went through the clinical testing due to a court order. There is no blood-test-type diagnostic procedure providing a positive or negative result. The testing is quite complex.

“How do I identify a sociopath?”

That’s the most common question, and I believe, it’s the wrong question.

I’d say the correct question is: How do I protect myself from a sociopath?

No matter what anyone tells you, attempting to conclusively identify a person as being a sociopath is nearly impossible, and the process itself can get you into deep trouble, as the sociopath’s next unwilling and unaware victim. Even if you waste an enormous amount of time doing your undercover, investigative work, and you conclude that the person in question is a sociopath, what would be your next step? How about: How do I protect myself from this sociopath?

It’s inevitable, but it’s your best first-line of defense. If you incorporate a system based in observation and correct reaction, you’ll be protected from sociopaths whether you suspect them or not. And when your system is fully implemented, it’s done from the subconscious level. It’s not something you think about … you just react appropriately.

“I don’t get it.”

And you won’t by the time you finish reading this post … but you’ll begin to. You’ll need to come back and build your arsenal. Nothing’s easy, but stick with this and you’ll get it.

Think about dèjá vu. Think about how you do not think about it. It just pops to the forefront of your consciousness. It’s the overwhelming feeling that you’ve done this before, or you’ve been here before, or both. Think about how fast it happens … your brain just automatically scanned your history, potentially your entire history, and discovered matches. No computer on earth can process data anywhere near as fast. That’s the part we need to program. We need to make changes in our reactions. Rule #1: we need to think … if we make that commitment, our brains will add the speed.

I’ve seen data clearly state that male sociopaths outnumber female sociopaths. On one statistic, it stated there were four times as many male sociopaths as there are female. But allow me to make this suggestion: women are more likely to come forward with their stories of being victimized, more so than their male counterparts. I personally know this to be true, as I never came forward. And when violence erupts, women are also more likely to sustain injuries.

We do live in a country of liars, but so does everyone else on the planet. Lying crosses all perceived barriers: economic, gender, race, creed … it’s part of our global society. Sociopaths have embraced technology, using the power it provides to fulfill their personal agendas.

If there is one thing we can thank sociopaths for it would be for their indirect, and possibly unknown involvement on outlawing the use of polygraph testing in court. The polygraph itself — i.e., the lie-detector — uses very little science, though I certainly would not call it an art, either.

Its entire premise is based on recording a person’s physical changes — such as heart rate, blood pressure, perspiration, and breathing — brought on by the testee’s guilt from telling a lie, as determined by the tester’s opinion, watching and noting any physical changes, as well as those recorded by the seismograph-type gauges. A sociopath does not experience guilt; hence, the polygraph tester would report that the sociopath-testee “never lied once.”

The majority does not win.

One must always keep an open mind. Those who use their own brains, and not rely on others, have a much better chance of maintaining control of their own lives. Forget the notion that the majority wins. The majority is often comprised of a bunch of followers, those who rely on others to do their thinking for them.

Consider a large room full of people, all casually socializing. Everyone in that room knows the details of one specific event. A new person enters the room and mingles through the group, and over a period of time, hears the same story from multiple people … each indicating the same conclusion, and from the way they tell it, they know it from personal experience.

Question: How many times must the average person hear an unsubstantiated story (i.e., hearsay) before they accept it as true?

Would it surprise you if the answer was just once? Most people believe anything the first time they hear it. Think about it. And depending on the “dirt-level” of the story, there’s a good chance they’re already spreading it.

Not long ago, before technology was intertwined into our lives, even before the advent of the answering machine, it was not very easy to spread gossip quickly. But now, even someone sitting at work, can spread just-heard dirt to an unlimited number of people — hundreds, even — in just minutes. The potential is there.

Bad news travels fast.

So, let’s say someone hears something defamatory about a public figure (actor, politician, etc.), falling cleanly into the dirt category [pun intended]. Within five minutes, that person has shared that dirt with 20 friends, via email. Keep in mind, that person just shared hearsay as if they knew it as true.

Allow me to put that into perspective: let’s say it takes one person five minutes to send 20 emails. From the time that first person sent those 20 emails to their like-minded, gossip-spreading friends, and each of those friends spends the next five minutes forwarding it to 20 others — and so on — how many people could potentially receive that gossip in a half hour … just 30-minutes total?

Ready?  What’s your guess?  But first, did you understand the question? If in doubt, why not read it again to be sure. If you did understand the question, then the answer should not surprise you: sixty-four million people. Now, do you need to go back and read the question again? Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Since it takes five minutes for each mailing, 30 minutes can be split into six segments of five minutes each. Hence, there will only be six mailings. In the first five minutes, 20 people received the email.

Those 20 people each forward it to 20 more people, which means 400 people (20×20) have it during the second five-minute segment. The third five-minute segment results in 8000 people (20×400) reading the message. The fourth five-minute segment indicates that 160,000 people (20×8000) now have the email. The fifth mailing gets to a whopping 3.2 million (20×160,000). And by the final five-minute segment, the email has been forwarded to 64,000,000 bone heads. But that 64-million does not include all the previous recipients, so the actual number comes out to around 67,368,421.

Absurd? Of course it is. Just considering that most people forward emails to way more than just 20 people means these numbers are without validity.

Sociopaths are so evil, so manipulative and sinister, that virtually no one wants to accept the reality of a sociopath — whose own reality is lightyears from reality.

Their very real danger comes from the fact that they’ve had their entire life to learn the skills to create a public persona, a completely fabricated stand-out kind-of-person, one that seems to spew charm, concern, compassion, honesty, integrity, and morality. None of which they actually possess. Not in the least. But try to tell that to those who have been completely taken in by a sociopath, and they will defend that person unequivocally.

But for those with an open mind, those very few who stay on their toes, they may see a red flag, a warning from their own intuition. They sense something is not right — the spew-level is too high, way above the norm. A sociopath underscores the old advertising campaign of: “Perception and Reality.” And, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Time never makes for certainty.

In 2003, my sister, Kathy, lied to me about something I already knew the answer to. I thought it was quite benign until she lied about it, sending up a red flag for me. She obviously felt the need to hide something about it, so that’s what I needed to find out. Following up on it exposed that she had lied about many things in a short period of time, all relating to one event. Within 12-18 months, I had gathered enough inconsistencies and deceptions, when I was told exactly the fabricated lies she was telling people to assassinate my character.

I grew up with her, and witnessed her evil as a child, and feared her because of her ruthlessly vicious hostility against me. Yet I never even suspected her being a sociopath until I followed up on that one little lie. Kathy always had many “friends” but I realized none were close friends. By 2006, Kathy confirmed to be one of the most evil people I’ve ever known. I write a lot more about Kathy throughout this site.

People believe Kathy, yet if one pays the slightest attention to her, she’s a complete fake. One must question why she has never been able to maintain a job. She’s not intelligent, and does nothing … other than scheme, evidently. She has followers and disciples (including family), and when she sensed I was on to her, she easily got all of them to join in my banishment. People are so shallow.

Don’t let anything slide.

Throughout my life, when something didn’t seem right, I was never able to file it away until I made sense of it. That’s one thing you need to begin practicing to help protect yourself from sociopaths. Do not let anything slide … not even the seemingly smallest, most benign event. Follow-up on everything yourself … do not involve anyone else.

It is not as important to be able to identify sociopaths, as it is to always think for yourself — never allow someone else to think for you.

And never, ever, believe hearsay.


Related Posts:
A family of sociopaths :: Part 1
Protect yourself from any sociopath.
Sociopaths are all the same … right?
What makes a sociopath so dangerous?
Psychopath/Sociopath: Similarities Outweigh Differences
Discovering Your Best Friend is a Sociopath
How do you spot a sociopath?
Identifying a Sociopath
AUDIO: Evidence from Recorded Phone Calls
Do School Administrators Help Young Sociopaths?


35 thoughts on “Protect yourself from any sociopath.

  1. If you cant get away or get the person out of your life, do you have any advice or experiences beating them down or running them off?
    The one in my life has stolen my identity, tried to criminally frame me. Ive won the lawsuits so far but they keep upping the stakes. I need to take them out of the game

    • Your situation sounds as if you’re trapped.

      I’d like to give this more focussed thought before I answer, but wanted to also open it up for suggestions by anyone.

    • I must ask you to read my disclaimer on the legal page. It will state that I have no professional training in psychology, psychiatry, or even firearms … levity.

      I cannot offer you any advice. The most I can do is share what I would do. As long as you’re aware this is not a recommendation or suggestion to you, you are welcome to continue reading. Our justice system (that being in the US) probably has a higher incident of sociopaths than the general public. The same goes for our elected officials. That’s my opinion, and I’m exercising my First Amendment Rights. Our justice system is severely broken. But I’ll save that for later.

      >> “… beating them down or running them off …”

      I would not even consider that. I know the strength and will that this kind of evil holds, and I would see it only as a suicide mission. They will not allow themselves to be beat.

      If I were in that situation, I believe my only option would be to move … the further the better. That’s what I would do, and that’s what I will likely do soon. I’m at a place where I see that as my only real option. I will do it as secretively as I can, make it further than a one-day drive, and protect my new whereabouts as best as I can.

      It’s relatively easy to find anyone nowadays, especially someone setting up a new household. I’m sure my sister was shocked last summer when I came across the real estate documentation on the Web, completely by accident, that she had bought a townhouse in Manhattan, moving from San Francisco. Even though she attempted to hide the move entirely from me, I not only had her new address, but I knew what she paid for it, the real estate agent, and who the seller was. So, I’d probably rent for a period of time, and ideally rent from a private party.

      After that, I’d need to play everything by ear. I’d never be able to get rid of them, but I can do my best to vanish from them. If a job would be holding me back, it’s just another aspect that would need specific handling. Sanity, health and one’s wellbeing is number one.

      And of course, this is only what I’m going to do, so wish me the best. 😉

  2. I have a child with this man I am divorcing, and I’m in a custody battle with him. He is destroying my reputation and ruining my career and life. Can a lawyer help me for defamation of character and/or slander? or anything more ?

    Help me to combat this insanity.

  3. Becca,

    I think of any attorney as a hired gun.

    They have the weapon, but you must provide all the ammunition — they have none on their own. Some attorneys shoot with a BB gun, others shoot with a howitzer cannon. You want to find one with a howitzer. Prepare to pay more, as you will get a bigger bang for your buck.

    How do you find one? Referrals, research, go sit in a courtroom and watch for the attorneys who are successfully tough, but respectful of the court (i.e. the judge).

    Tap your home phone to record discussions with your husband. Carry a wire to record discussions face-to-face (a “wire” could be as simple as an iPhone or iPod Touch with a microphone hidden on your body). Your word against his will be worth very little without hard evidence — he will charmingly lie under oath.

    Ask your attorney to require a psychological evaluation for him, which will mean you will need to take one, too. You can also require drug testing.

    Defamation of character and/or slander is verbal — you would need to have witnesses to corroborate your allegation. Libel is slander that is published — “published” could mean emails depending on your local laws.

    I hope this helps, and I wish you the best. Understand, though, that it will be an uphill battle.

  4. You’re welcome Becca. And hiking boots are easier to wear than a baseball bat is to carry. 😉

  5. Yes, I am the victim of a sociopath (I prefer the name ‘psychopath’ as that is what they really are). The woman in question doesn’t even know me. That’s right, I’m a stranger, yet she’s gone out of her way to destroy my reputation and gossip me out of my community if she can. I refuse to leave. I will not break up a lifelong relationship and leave a happy home for a psycho, and that’s it. So I stay where I am and refuse to be manipulated by this evil woman.

    Also, I think there are many more female psychopaths around than is generally thought. They do say that male psychopaths outnmuber female ones, but I am not sure their figures are correct. One reason is that there has been virtually no real studies done on female psychopathy; the other reason may be that female psychopaths might just be better at hiding it than their male counterparts, and of course, most people (psychologists included maybe) are less likely to want to believe that a woman can be a psychopath. But I’ve met quite a few female psychopaths in my lifetime, probably more than male ones and they can be evil and utterly ruthless.

    I wish you all the best and don’t give up hope.

  6. I also have to wonder about that ratio. I’ve encountered at least a handful of sociopaths on the online world, all of them female, and have been targeted and abused by one in real life (my aunt – damaged me greatly, but sort of a very long story).

    Right now, though, I’m witnessing a prime example of what you have written above. It’s an online “clique” of women, who are some of the most cruel, backstabbing, hypocritical and nasty people I have ever encountered. And they are all truly in denial. However, they didn’t all used to be that way. There is one in particular that set off my alarms immediately, the leader of the bunch. She fits that example of being too good to be true, as well as almost all the other classic signs of a sociopath.

    She really gets off on bringing pain to those she doesn’t like, and loves to fight with people at every turn. Yet still, with all of these traits, she still has her followers back her up each time, and what is worse, praising her for a what a great person she is. I swear it makes my stomach turn when I see it. I sort of liken it to a cult mentality. Before I knew all they were about, they invited me into their fold, yet I quickly realized what it was about.

    A slam group to talk bad about others behind their backs, and plan attacks on people in a public forum, and I knew this was not for me. I also could tell that the precious cult leader did not like me and was just waiting for a reason to launch an attack. Upon one of their regular online forum bashings, I decided to opt out of their forum attack on some individuals.

    Because of this, the leader immediately went to work, tarnishing my rep and making stuff up to the other people about me. I left the group and thought perhaps it wouldn’t matter anymore if I just separated myself from them, but they followed me around through other routes and slammed me through passive aggressive, veiled attacks on the forums. It’s quite a scary thing to see, because I only believe one of them to be a sociopath, although one other woman is pretty hostile as well but she didn’t used to be that way.

    Perhaps I could be wrong though, maybe it’s because I never knew her from the get go. But for most of them, a year ago or so, they were not like that. They seemed to change after joining the private group with this person. And I could not dare to even confront them on it. I’m quite confident that the reaction would be somewhat similar to what you would see in those videos on youtube, where people confront Scientologists.

    They get all crazy and aggressive, and are in complete denial of what they willingly follow. It’s just a battle that can’t be won. I don’t have any de-programming skills to cope with this problem, so I’m doing all I can to avoid them. I didn’t fit into their group because I’m not a follower, and I can think for myself.

    They claimed they wanted to be my friend, but what they really wanted was another attack dog for their gang of thugs.

  7. Susie,

    You’re correct: there really is no therapeutic diagnosis for sociopath. It was removed from professional use about 20 years ago, and replaced with the conditions (i.e., AsPD, APD, NPD, etc.). Most true psychopaths are not relegated to just one disorder.

    It’s tough for me to imagine a psychopath just selecting someone at random to target. The wouldn’t necessarily know your friends, family, co-workers, etc. Are you in a small town?

    I agree with you on your theory about female psychopaths. I’ve looked past my entire adult life and the far majority of what I would consider a true psychopath are women. But men, in general, are more violent … it’s the testosterone factor.

    Although psychopaths and bullies are not the same, your consensus does remind me of my school days. Male bullies were blatantly aggressive and physical. Female bullies were much more prone to destroy their targets through tormenting and psychological means.

    It is guesstimated that less than 5% of all psychopaths are incarcerated, and I believe those are all male. Of course, that means that we associate with the other 95% on a daily basis.

    Those <5% psychopathic inmates account for over 20% of those incarcerated, and that 20% accounts for over 80% of all heinous crimes. It generally doesn't even make the news unless a major crime occurs, and even then, it's hardly mentioned.

    The system is phuqued up and really needs an overhaul. As a simple analogy, in many states a person will do some time for smoking pot, a simple weed that the FDA has categorized at the same level as heroin. And while all that occurs, it's almost impossible to legally expose a psychopath, someone who is destroying lives.

    Psychopaths rely on devoted followers that will do just as they are instructed. That includes attacking other people's characters. Who else is like that? Politicians rely on devoted followers (the Party) that will do just as they are instructed. And it's expected that politicians will attack their opponents and other people characters for their personal gain. How similar.

    And then there are judges. Many are elected so they need followers, and the judges follow closely in the politicians footsteps. And look at the supreme court ... appointed by sitting presidents. Those appointed judges have undoubtedly been disciples of their political party. Not just appointed, but appointed for life. No one whatsoever should be given a tenure for life.

    So coming full circle, our court system — both attorneys and judges — have many of the same traits as any typical psychopath. They thrive on power. Judges have the power to send people to their deaths. What's the point? There are many dangerous people locked up for life with no possibility for parole ... isn't that enough? I digressed.

    But, if I were to guess, based on my own experiences, I'd suggest that there are more female psychopaths than males. They're just more conniving and sinister.

  8. Hi Renee,

    You have strength and intelligence. You saw the red flags, albeit as small as they were. You did the right thing by bailing.

    But the fact that you were invited into their little circle, stayed briefly then left, you are now a perceived threat to them. You know too much. You know that those charming personas are all just an act. The risk you precent to them, based on their own paranoia, is that you will be somehow able to expose them. But a typical person cannot go up against a sociopath the wrath of a sociopath.

    The term I coined is “offensive revenge” as they likely already placed you at the top of their “to-do” list. I would bet they began to assassinate your character as soon as they felt you were not one of them.

    The character assassination against me began years before I ever knew it, and I’ve been able to track mine back to the first year of my marriage with Julie. I recently came across a notebook of draft letters to her mom where she was placing the blame on me for all her improprieties. After 12 years of marriage, I always wondered why her mom never liked me.

    I’m sorry to say, but you can never really consider that they’ve forgotten about you. Identify the people in your life, ones that you can truly trust, and confide in them. Ideally, these people have no contact with that circle of evil.

    And if you can, find a good psychologist with psychopathy training and experience. They are not easy to find. If you make an appointment with one, your agenda for that first appointment is to analyze them. Have you list of questions with you so you can determine if the therapist really does understand, above what is common knowledge.

    I wish you peace.

  9. Hello all!

    Thanks to this website I am now armed with the truth and taking that truth to court to stop the family sociopath before they locate another victim.

    Since I last posted here I have been accused (not to my face but to my adult children and the rest of the family) of the following …
    1.) Stealing money out of my mothers’ checking account.
    2.) Signing a life insurance policy check for $15,000.
    3.) Conning or forcing my mother to take out a $15,000 loan on HER HOME and I took the money and refused to pay the note for mother.

    My two children have not spoken to me for three years over this. When my 40 year old son confronted me about the above accusations I calmly sat down and said, ‘First of all, how does life insurance work? It only pays death benefits AFTER someone dies and you have to present a death certificate and it takes WEEKS after a death to get one and you have to PAY to get them. Has anyone died? No they have not.’

    ‘Secondly, I have NEVER signed a check of my mothers’, I have written a few but never have I ever signed one. I have however gotten cash from her checking at the ATM and taken the cash directly back to my mothers’ for her to spend on auto repairs, auto fuel, groceries, Walmart, Dollar General, medications and the reciepts for all that she has spent in cash are on her table in the living room of her home. Mother pays all her bills with checks or auto withdrawal and spends cash for everything else. Check the bank statements.’ Then I brought up mothers’ account online and PROVED I had not signed or stolen a damn thing.

    The next day I went to the recorder of deeds office and looked up all the loans that had ever been taken out on mothers’ home, paid for certified copies and took them to my son. With those I showed my son who signed the notes and the dates they were taken out and paid off. I also told him this …. ‘There are two places in this world you can count on entering and being seen on video servelence tapes and that would be …. a gambling casino and a bank and if you’re signing papers they have the ability to ZOOM IN on your signature and your face when you are signing anything in a bank. I have NEVER signed a note not even on my own home or even gone to a bank with mother when she borrowed money on her home, MY FACE and signature WILL NOT BE FOUND on any servelence tapes or papers. You dear son can take THAT FACT to the bank!’

    Upon closer examination of all the recorded documents my son and I discovered that one had been forged. I proved that with copies, again certified copies, of marriage license applications from the same recorder’s office along with copies of drivers licenses!

    Since that time my mother has passed away and the sociopath has been willed EVERYTHING my mother had and mother disinherited the remainder of her children, back in 1997. The sociopath was kind enough to hand myself and another sibling our copies of mothers’ will less than five minutes before mothers’ funeral services began!

    The sociopath lives 200 miles from mother and rarely visited. The sociopath has laid claims that sociopath and spouse have been paying ALL mothers’ bills and her taxes, again all lies and bank statements prove that fact.

    My son confronted the sociopath and spouse on mothers’ sidewalk and son told the sociopath that they needed to be sure and send the life insurance company a death certificate so they could collect that $15,000 I had cashed in BEFORE mother died. You dear sociopath are THE ONLY beneficiary on that policy! You LIED!

    Sociopath’s Spouse said; ‘What did you say?’ Son repeated everything and sociopath stated that was NOT the life insurance policy it was ANOTHER policy mother had taken out for (drum roll please!) $250,000 and I had stolen all the other four siblings AND all the grandchildrens’ inheritence!

    Yesterday was valentine’s day … my step daughter had to take off work and take 13 year old grandson out of school and drive 45 miles into the county I live in to speak with a sheriff deputy about some pictures that had been ‘dropped off’ at his office.

    Sociopath sibling had filled out a report on the pictures one of wihich was of a young boy being held down in our living room floor on Christmas day about 8 years ago. It seems that sociopath sibling was accusing my husband of being a pedofile and of molesting his OWN GRANDSON! Sociopath sibling claims I took the picture and printed it at mother’s home and left it there on top of mother’s piano. I did not take the picture, my sopuse is NOT a pedofile, the nephew in the picture has to drive 250 miles this friday, miss a day at work, and meet the deputy in person to explain the taking of the picture or, charges will be filed against my spouse.

    First of all, my mother and my stepfather never had any health or life insurance. My step father died in 1981 and mother was 46 years old. She remarried less than six months after my stepfather died, then divorced about 5 years later. She went to work waiting tables in a local restaurant and DID NOT have the financial means to PAY THE PREMEIUMS on a $250,000 life insurance policy. She had high blood pressure and was on medication for that when my step father passed away. Premeiums go up with age and health conditions. When mother passed away, she was 76 years old and had COPD, crippling arthritis, fybermialgia, spinal stenosis, degenerative disc desease, was on blood thinners, and thyroid medications and anti-depressants and had been on all medications for over 10 years.

    Son, a sibling and myself have retained an attorney. We are heading to court SOON. The charges to name a few will be …. morgage fraud, bank fraud, title fraud, forgery, elder abuse, elder neglect just to mention a few. Sociopath sibling and spouse will soon be facing no less than 35 year in prison for all their lies.

    Thank you so much for this website for without it I would never have known what to or been able to keep my whits about me and get to this point in time where I can stop a sociopath from attacking another unsuspecting victim.

    I’m not after money or mother’s home and possessions, I just want the sociopath and spouse to learn a valuable lesson and to pay for the treatment that was doled out to my mother during her final days here on this earth. They were pure torture for me and even worse on my mother. THANK GOD she’s resting now safe away from all this in Heaven.

    My daughter has not come as far as my son has, she still hangs on and believes every word the sociopath says.

  10. Hello Larry, thanks for this website.

    I am seeking your advice in a very complex matter, you have a lot of insight even more so than some of the psychologists I have gone to for ideas/help.I have a 6 year old niece who happens to be my brother’s daughter. She is very loving with me, very intelligent, and in 1st grade. My brother’s wife my sister-in-law (SIL) is abusing her child to an extreme.

    She has complete control of her daughter. She consumes most of her time. SIL is a bank teller and works 2 saturdays/month for 3 hrs and this is when I visit my niece. SIL is very oppositional and controlling with her child. If my niece is happy she has a spring break, immediately she trains her to say the next day, she cannot wait to go back to school.

    My niece loves vanilla shakes, SIL has replaced it with chocolate and my niece only asks for chocolate shakes and it is her favorite. I do tell my niece as long as we know we are pretending…SIL has isolated the child from having a relationship from any family member. My brother is still married to her, does not care about anything else, tells me she is the mother she can do whatever she wants. She does not listen to him and he is ok with that.

    She sends my niece to school even with a temp of 102 if SIL can’t stay home with the kid. My mother lives with them and my niece is not allowed to say more than a few words to her, that too as per SIL’s instructions. My mother is sad for her grand daughter, but looks the other way because she likes her living arrangement and helps them out with their mortgage. It upsets me to see my niece being abused, my brother’s answer is “who asked you to love her?”

    They do not like when I visit because the kid is very close to me, and I validate her. She used to ask me at age 3 why is mommy is always yelling at me. When I am ready to leave the kid pleads with me to stay longer. SIL is very jealous of this so she destroys the child’s spontaneous behavior and makes her act the opposite. For example she would make my niece ask me why did I come, I look tired.

    My niece acts like a complete programmed robot and obeys her mother to a T. As she is getting older my SIL is able to control her even more. Even on a Saturday she instructs my niece exactly what projects to do until she gets home. So my niece is stressed about finishing what mommy has told her to do, she forgets to enjoy her time with me, her dad or her grandma. She has her in 5 different classes, has about 4 play dates a week. My SIL is happy to leave her kid with a neighbor, but not with family who loves the kid on a deeper level.

    SIL punishes the kid in a very hidden way, makes her play in the snow for 2 hrs in 12 degree weather, makes her run 10 laps around the park, overfeeds her, starves her, sleep deprivation,or count yourself to sleep, silent treatment, yelling for getting a B+, holding her bladder,sending her to school sick, because she does not want my niece to be cared for by her loving grandmother. My niece has learned to pretend, act, and lie, so her mother would look good. SIL is ruining her child, destroying her inhibitions, confusing her, interfering with her instincts and intelligence.

    SIL recognizes that her daughter is not a psychopath, and is very normal, she is enraged at that. At 3 when my niece would get scared of thunder SIL would tell me “she is acting, she is not scared.” Who would say a thing like that? I am scared of thunder sometimes! My niece is very girly, loves long hair, SIL cut her hair like a boy, my niece cried for weeks and did not even want to go to school. SIL told my brother her daughter will die for her!

    My niece is very depressed, pretending and stressed all the time, acts like a programmed robot, plays with who her mother asks her to play with (usually kids who are mean to my niece), smiles when mommy says to smile, has no spontaneity or excitement of a child, exhibiting unnatural behavior because of SIL’s programming, I see my niece changing right before my very eyes, but I do get to see glimpses of her the real her still and I hope she holds on to that and does not lose her identity. SIL volunteers at her daughter’s school, is extremely nice to all her neighbors, has her boss at work fooled, nobody would even believe her cruelty!

    She tells my brother to stay home and tells everyone only she drives her daughter everywhere, my brother is very lazy, and a poor dad. I am worried about my niece’s self respect and am afraid she may think putting up with bullying and abuse is normal. I have thought about reporting anonymously, but SIL is very clever in a devious way, there is no physical bruising, and has the teacher and the neighbors thinking she is a great mother. My niece tells me her neighbor kid (7 year old boy) is mean to her, but she still runs after him, begging him to play with her, because it pleases mommy. I feel very helpless, what is your advice?

    Thanks for reading and listening and thanks for this site!!!

  11. CaringAunt,

    You must feel very helpless at this point, but there may be other avenues still open to you. I suggest that you contact your county’s Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS). At least from my experience, their primary goal is to protect and care for the wellbeing of children.

    They have the ability to meet with children at their schools, though that may take a school administrator’s intervention, meaning that someone from the school contacts DFCS with concerns for the child. DEFCS works closely with the court system to protect kids from abuse, and that is beyond just physical abuse.

    It sounds, though, that she has been physically abused when you described the way she was made to eat. There’s no scars, but that doesn’t mean it’s not physical abuse.

    I would suggest you make an appointment with one of the DFCS investigators and bring all your notes. Bullet-point out the abuses as you see them and be prepared to leave the document with them. They will always meet privately with the child, without a parent being present. If anything, they’ll be on your side.

    I wish you the best.

  12. I have recently terminated a friendship that was 34 years old. After moving closer to this friend i unwittingly exposed myself to her sinister behaviour aimed at destablising me and making me dependent on her.

    Luckily for me I am not the type pf person who readily ‘comes to heel’. One example of her managing behaviour was to refuse to speak to a fifth person to join our little group, and when the new neighbour did not move away, she actually turned her back on her! Her husband followed suit. It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life!

    Apart from the fact that i have becoome ‘public enemy number 1’ and so marked for retribuition, I have realised that this woman’s children have been the victims of her emotional qbuse for their entire lives. The daughter has been persistently labelled insane, had the police set on her. her employment interfered with when the mother feels obliged to let the employer know that the daughter has mental health issues.

    I am ashamed that it has taken me so long to see the needs of these young people. I feel like we are currently involved in a losing battle but it has to be fought. These sinners against society get away with too much

  13. sir i’m 17 and my brother is very mysterious to me. he even smiled to me when i talked to him while he is sleeping (note checked 2 AM) and that was i’m being terrorized i couldn’t sleep i’m scared that he will ruin my life. he was exposed using this program called keylogger and i’m scared he will back fire me. i want to know the truth could you text me a book which contain how to prevent this insanity.

  14. @Jennifer

    You should not feel ashamed. These people have nothing holding them back from being the most evil, vial individuals who care about no one but themselves. You cannot do anything for her, but she can ruin your character in the minds of others. You must distance yourself from her without letting her know why. Just smile and say you have other plans … something along those lines. She will eventually (hopefully) move on to find another victim. If you can, move, change your phone number and email address. Disappear from her and her followers.

  15. @Nickie

    Is your brother younger or older? “Mysterious” can take many forms, but it doesn’t mean he’s a psychopath. Teens can be odd just because they’re teens and the friends they choose.

    Why were you speaking to him when he was sleeping? That baffles me. He could have been faking sleep and that’s why he smiled. You really don’t go into how he terrorizes you.

    I do not know what Keylogger is, so I have no opinion. And I’m sorry I can’t send you anything because everything I write goes on this site. Hence, you may want to read more of the posts and comments here.

    Do your best to keep your distance.

  16. Last Fall I befriended a man who happened to be the father of my child’s friend. Upon meeting him I felt at ease with his cool and calm demeanor and his charm. Whenever he talked to me he looked deeply into my eyes and at the time I thought his eyes were trying to seduce me because he did not blink as he looked at me. I felt as if I were the only person in the room when he did this. Several weeks later I realized that his so-called seductive gaze was a creepy predatory stare designed to stare deeply into my soul to investigate just how lonely, desperate, and vulnerable I was. I was all of those things and he knew it just by calmly observing me.

    He happens to be married and so do I. He gave me this sob story about how his wife was kicking him out of the house because he couldn’t work due to an injury and that he might have to sleep in his van. I instantly felt sorry for him, who wouldn’t.

    For the next several weeks he would reveal more and more about himself to me and I didn’t have the guts to tell him that his personal life was none of my business, although I always felt off balance after listening to him give me the dirty details of his marital problems. At one point he told me that he and his wife were no longer intimate because she withheld sex from him as a form of punishment. I guess nothing is sacred with him. Again I felt off kilter for having listened to him complain about his wife, but I couldn’t walk away from the situation because he made little ol’ me feel so important by sharing his life with me, or so I thought.
    He bragged to me about how he had cheated on his first wife and got away with it.

    I told him that I had never cheated on my husband and he said something creepy like, “You never know, one day you might find yourself alone with some guy and something could happen.” I guess he was trying to coyly suggest that the guy could be him if given the opportunity. I think that he had used that line before because he just seemed too comfortable with the delivery. I knew this guy was trying to take advantage of me but I didn’t have the verbal tools to set healthy boundaries and walk away from the situation. He offered to have sex with me in the back of his beat up van because his broke ass couldn’t afford a cheap motel room. So glad I never gave up the goods to this fool. He thought that I would keep my f-ing mouth shut since I was married too. Well, for several weeks I did keep my mouth shut and then one day I confronted his unsuspecting wife and she could not believe what I told her.

    I tried to tell her what happened but I could not properly defend myself because her husband flat out denied making sexual advances toward me and even threatened to call law enforcement on me because I was supposedly lying. The wife even went along with it proclaiming that she would have me arrested. You’d think she’d maybe take some of the blame for his behavior, you know, since she’s withholding sex from him. If she thinks that her dusty old marriage license is going keep her jerk face husband from cheating then she is just as arrogant as he is. Now that I think about it they deserve each other.

    Well, I was not arrested for telling the TRUTH and nothing more has been said to me by this couple…for now. I think that maybe they are just trying to keep up appearances for their kids and their church. I believe that the husband is a sociopath and the wife is a narcissist. Everyone thinks that the husband is squeaky clean because he goes to church, but the guy has issues with substance abuse and pornography. He is a perpetual wolf in sheeps clothing and I wish I never me this moron or his wife.

    I read a book on sociopaths and then his behavior started to make sense to me. His charm was not real. When he told me that his wife was kicking him out this was just a rouse designed to reel me in so that I’d feel sorry for him. Sociopaths, from what I understand are really good at getting good, decent, empathetic individuals to feel sorry for them. I can’t believe I was so stupid. And how could his wife be so stupid too. How can she not know that she’s married to a pathological liar with porn and substance abuse problems. When I confronted his wife he felt backed into a corner and tried to blackmail me emotionally by threatening to call the cops cause I told the truth.

    My nickname for him is the cowardly lion because he is physically a big guy but has the character of a mouse. He is the biggest coward I have ever met. I hope I never have the misfortune of running into him again. He is very vindictive towards me by pitting people against me. He does damage to me without even being physically present. He is a bully and a coward who is trying to play on my fears because I played on his fears by exposing his lying ass. I hope someone else will expose him the near future so that I can somehow feel vindicated. Being victimized by a sociopath has been a lonely and isolating experience. I feel lonely because no one can believe that this seemingly charming, good hearted, church going man could ever hurt me. It is very isolating because he isolates people from me by “innocently” gossiping about me and making me out the be the bad person. I hope that his lies will catch up with him one day while I am still on this earth. If not, I hope that God will deal with him accordingly.

  17. I will pray for you and I ask that you pray for me and my child because he has got to be figured out. So far I do have very few new associates that have stayed around (females) and most men do not seem to want to be around him, he is such a lying coward.

    When I see him I am just sick. He is so good at telling people what they want to hear and is always able to provide them with money through his business. He finds out alot of personal information about these new associates and they don’t realize yet but some point he will use what he knows for his personal benefit, some how, some way. Look out and watch your back 24:7:365 !

  18. Hi Becca,
    I hope that your custody battle is going better. The good news is now you know how a sociopath operates and will unlikely ever be duped again by another one of these creeps.

  19. I have {finally} discovered the sociopath in my family. For years, my family has treated me like the stupid step-child. Nothing I did was right or good enough. If I said the sky was blue I was wrong.

    Through my divorce I kept hearing how I kept my kids from their father and badmouthed him, when in fact I went above and beyond to keep them in touch with his parents and his sister and brother-in-law – even going so far as to let them go visit them instead of him when it was his visitation, and driving partway to his place 3 states away so they could see him for his visitation.

    Yet my family always accused me of the worst. I recently found out all their erroneous information was coming from my sister.

    Now, I am on DSSI and unable to work and she is telling my family I refuse to work because I make SO MUCH money on disability (when in reality I was making over 35,000 yrly workiing and now make barely 12,000 a year). She has married for the 4th time to someone who has the money to back her in just about any plan to disrupt my life. Previously she reported me to an insurance company who paid me supplemental to DSSI, and took video of me shoveling out my sidewalk so the postman would deliver my mail.

    She also took video of me walking my yorkshire terriers. Subsequently, the insurance company determined that due to those instances I wasn’t eligible any longer and I lost that income, dropping my income to under 10,000 yrly.

    Now she has done it again as someone is following me around again, trying to prove I am not disabled/unable to work. She cheated me out of the rest of my workman’s comp settlement and even though I tried to get it back legally, due to her husbands contacts nobody would help (they said they couldn’t win the case because she could just say I lied, when I had letters and even a court transcript she gave saying the money was owed me that she subsequently kept – sorry sounds pretty confusing).

    How can I protect mysefl from this? How can I stop the rest of my life being harrassed by this person, who is my sister? I’ve even moved over 200 miles away to get away from her (she bragged she had people watching me where I lived before and it became almost unbearable to even go to the store!).

    What I can’t figure out is her ex husbands all know she lies as it’s part of the reason they divorced her, yet the still believe what she said about me as does the major part of my family? Believing “she’ll get whats coming to her” or “what goes around comes around” simply does not cut it!

    I just can’t find a way to get her out of my life and keep her out, even though I wrote her a letter stating just that (I wanted nothing from her and that she should stay out of my life and I’d stay out of hers).

    HELP?! How do I end this?

  20. I’ve been recently described as ‘gullible.
    I don’t like being looked at as gullible and I plan to change
    that perception of me in the near future.

    I can see how the sociopath targets those who are gullible
    in an effort to get them to follow the sociopath off any future
    cliffs that may come about.

    I know how several people from my past have used and abused me to get what they wanted from me and how they laughed and gloated in public once they made an ass of me.

    Little do these people realize that they made even bigger asses
    of themselves. They showed their true black hearted colors to
    everyone around them. Many picked up on the black hearted and
    came to me in private and spoke with me about it, all in an
    effort to shed light so that I might see the true colors.

    As victims of sociopaths we need to find ways to teach our own children to not be so gullible. In an effort to protect them from the sociopaths they may come across in their lives when we are not there to protect them.

    Much like a good reporter or journalist, we need to listen to the alleged facts then we need to verify those said facts before we go spouting off or joining forces with those spouting them.

    The sociopath family members use their ‘family connection’ to manipulate every situation and everyone in that situation to the advantages of the sociopath and they do it at all cost. They care not of the damage to the family unit or the individuals they scar for the remainder of their lives.

    It’s all about dividing the gullible from the not gullible so they may conquer and win what ever the prize they have set in their twisted minds.

    My plans are to ask for proof when presented with allegations of facts. Show me some proof of that. Do you have any proof of that? Would be good comments. If they have proof they’ll show it to you. They may not have it with them but will make arrangements to get back with you with the proof. Or they’ll point you in the direction of where proof can be found. If they have no proof or their said proof doesn’t check out, start looking at the accuser more closely.

    Any time a sociopath starts pointing at the actions of others and they have no proof of their alleged facts/allegations, right then and there should be the time we start looking a little more closely at what the accuser/s are doing behind our backs. The accuser/s more than likely have something to hide that they don’t want anyone, especially us to find out about.

    The shock factor of accusing someone of something they never even dreamed of doing is quite a good diversion tactic and often causes many to hide from embarrassment and shame.

    Hiding is what they want! They win when we become isolated from others especially family. Hiding makes you look guilty of the allegations made against you.

    DO NOT give them what they want!

    Stand up, be strong and arm yourself with the truth/facts.

    When you begin to show YOUR PROOF and your courage going up against the sociopath, people will begin to question everything the sociopath says and does. Before you know it the sociopath is no longer reining supreme over everyone.


    Larry, you can take ’em down without ever firing a shot !~)

  21. Hi Larry
    I posted last week, Im in a heck of a pickle. I’m the one who was drugged by the sociopathic monster and almost killed myself. Now I am in fear for my life Larry. I can see nothing has been posted on your site since mid-May and I pray that you are alright. I only know of my brush with death and it has been thirteen months of anguish. I’m trying to get out Larry. Moving and hour away. That’s the best I can do. But Larry, please put my post up. I feel so alone. I feel like Im the one who is insane. it would just help to know that someone heard me, someone who knows full well what these monsters are capable of…and that I am telling the truth.

  22. Dear LAM,
    I was so sad to read that you almost killed yourself over a sociopath.
    I know that I am not Larry, but I will keep you in my prayers. You are not alone. How scary that someone tried to drug you. I am so sorry that you had to go through that.
    I too was targeted by a sociopath, and I understand the feelings of loneliness associated with sociopathic abuse. The sociopath who targeted me has successfully convinced at least a dozen people that I am crazy after I unmasked him. Sociopaths delight (most) people with their charm. They are charming, conniving people and, what I want more than anything in the world right now is for all violent sociopaths to be shipped off to a stranded island so they can’t hurt the empaths anymore.
    When you feel down about your situation, try to consider yourself lucky that you got away and that you now know how to spot a sociopath as a result of being victimized by one. It sounds like you have severe PTSD. I am going through the same thing right now. Many people who used to talk to me now treat me with contempt because I stood up for myself, but I feel confident that one day these same people will see through the lies and stop being so hard on me. I have become a recluse and I just want my life back.

  23. Larry,
    You give very valuable information. Unfortunately, I am part of this club. My brother, Kevin and his wife MaryAnn have been telling horrific lies about me and my family for decades. I believe Kevin is a very powerful sociopath. Possibly his wife is also.
    Now they have total control over my 89 year old father. Total control.
    They have convinced my father and many others that I have stolen from Dad, that I tried to poison Dad’s caregiver and much more.
    I have also been removed from the will.
    Evil lives, and his name is Kevin
    What I dont understan is how previously logical people can fall under their web of lies.

  24. Hi Kyle,

    It’s entirely horrific. I have needed to walk away from my entire family, and a lot of it is due to greed when our parents become very old.

    They weren’t necessarily “logical” people prior to becoming evil. They were growing into their true characters. And once they realize their capabilities, it’s all about them. It’s all very sad for those who are their targets.

  25. Re; Kyle,
    I have asked myself the same question time-and-time again. How can previously intelligent people who I thought had morality and integrity, allow themselves to be manipulated and pulled into a sociopath’s web of lies? It still does leave me shaking my head.
    But then I realised that maybe these people were not what I thought they were.
    I reckon it takes a person with very high moral values, who knows where they stand with regard to right-and-wrong, to not get pulled in and controlled by a predator.
    And I am surprised just how many people do NOT fall into that category.
    I don’t think these people were evil -not prior to getting brainwashed and taken over anyway – but they were possibly ‘amoral.’ Not especially moral or immoral, but ‘amoral,’ which I believe is neither here-nor-there, a bit like sitting on the fence, so to speak.
    Such people will happily sup with the devil if it is convenient and comfortable for them, and I think there are an awful lot of people around like that nowadays – more than I ever realised, my own family included.
    I am shocked at what I have discovered about other people, but I am wiser and a little bit more careful about who I get involved with now.
    My ‘cynicism’ levels have increased dramatically I’m afraid, but I find it is the best and only way to survive in this psychopathic system we call a ‘civilised society’.

  26. Hi Susan,
    What you wrote above, I can totally relate to. I ask that question about my brother all the time. My brother is married to a sociopath. They have a child, my seven year old niece. He is now transformed and I do not even recognize him anymore! He totally does whatever his wife wants him to do, lately he is even doing evil ad lib, not just purely on command. My sister-in-law totally abuses my niece every minute that she can. My niece is a child with very high moral values, very good instincts, unlike my brother who is “amoral” if I may use your term, he is totally brainwashed. My SIL can make punishment look like play & fun (making her play in the cold snow, frigid temps for 2 hours, trampoline in the hot sun for hours, make her play with mean kids, become a people pleaser to those mean kids, let go of her self- respect, inhibitions, & identity). So to the neighbors & others this looks like she is being a great mommy, but the truth is quite the opposite. My niece is ordered to act happy when that is what pleases her mother. She has her wearing shoes in the house, and running the street bare foot. Every bit of my niece’s normal behavior is turned into abnormal, her likes are changed to dislikes, her dislikes into likes. I love my niece, what she is enduring no human being should… But through all this, she has maintained her clarity, her identity, she obeys her Mom, otherwise she will get hit or punished(starvation, overfeeding, sleep deprivation). Such covert and insidious torture of a child! I can’t do much in this situation, but I am allowing myself to learn about sociopaths, immunizing my niece, and validating her, when I get to see her. I am really appreciative of your comment here, my cynicism levels have increased as well, the more I find out about evil, the more people I am also recognizing as evil. A very intelligent observation, written & expressed well, Thank You!

  27. @Susan

    Some of the brightest people in international finance fell for Bernard Madoff’s ponzi scheme, which went on for over a decade. I know of at least two suicides of those who got sucked in by him. He convinced people to let him invest some $50,000,000,000US (that’s 50 billion), that he evidently spent on himself and family.

    Oh yea, that was the third suicide: his own son. Some of these manipulators are geniuses.

  28. @Caringaunt

    You can do much more than you think to save your niece. That’s why counties have Department of Family and Children Services (DFACS).

    In my state of residence, if a child tells a teacher or school administrator about such abuse, the school is legally required to report it, and a DFACS investigator is required to interview that child at school without their parents knowing.

    If you talk to a counselor at her school and tell them what she is going through, the counselor will have a meeting with the child and see if she mentions any of it. If she does, they could put her in foster care, and press charges.

  29. Re; Larry,
    I am sorry you may have to move again. I know they try to stalk you – it was tried with me – but the stalking was done by proxy (that is using other people).
    I have read of other victims of sociopaths being stalked and the victim literally has to flee – sometimes on several occasions – to stay ahead of the game.
    I reckon the stalkers are most likely followers (disciples) of the sociopath. It is just like a cult following in a way and it is very creepy they way they carry on.
    In my country there is one problem with moving about a day’s drive away from the harassments – I live in a small country. If I really wanted to move a very long way indeed I would likely have to go abroad – or move very far north.
    I can think of only one way to stop a sociopath by brute force but I can’t mention it on here as it is neither legal nor recommended. (As for whether it is right, that’s a matter for argument as far as I am concerned).
    So we are left with having to run – it’s the only avenue open to all of us that the law allows.
    Such thoughts and sentiments inevitably leave me with the question – ‘Are all human beings of equal worth?’
    My answer is ‘yes – all human beings are of equal worth, provided they are human and act humanely.’
    But I don’t know if sociopaths or those who act like them are ‘human’ in the truest sense. What do you do with beings like that? What do you do with someone who is a lifelong menace to other people?
    I wish you well in your search for a new home.

  30. Hi larry,

    I like your article. However, I disagree with one point. You say women are more likely to come forward as victims of abuse. Actually, a very small percentage of women do. Most realize that there will be no justice in the system and they don’t report crimes, especially if done by someone they know or by a significant other.

    p.s. or if they are a marginalized member of society. Let’s face it that marginalized women are usually easy targets.

  31. @Kath

    Actually I was quoting some research, so it wasn’t my opinion. But I do believe that women are more-likely to report such events, compared to men. As such, I was a physically abused husband, including getting cold-cocked punched right in my eye, which knocked me to the floor. I never reported any of the instances.

  32. I was hoping I could get some advice or suggestions.

    I’m pretty sure I have two sociopaths in my family, my sister and my mom. My mom may be a disciple or follower of my sister but I treat her as a sociopath because she is just as dangerous to me because of her lack of conscience. I questioned my sister a few years ago about something and it lead me to discover who she really is. Not knowing about sociopaths at that time I cut all ties to her as everything she had said and done flooded into my head. I found this site and began to understand what I was dealing with.

    Unfortunately, my dad became a victim of both my mom and sister and they reduced him to nothing before he finally left the state. My mom defended my sister against everything and pushed me to allow my sister back into my life. I didnt give in, so my mom gave me an ultimatum that if I didnt allow her back in she would not be a part of my life. I didnt give in and now I havent talked with my mom for over a year.

    My mom continues to harass me and has used other people to try to “convince” me that I am the bad person and that I am the one to blame. I have an aunt and uncle I have talked with about my issues and reasons why I will not attend family gatherings with my sister and mom. I have not told my aunt and uncle I believed they are sociopaths. I have always believed my aunt and uncle were neutral and respected my decision.

    However things are changing. My sister and mom are starting to turn my aunt and uncle against me. They wrote a letter showing me they are defending my mom and sister. So my question is: Do I stop all contact completely with my aunt and uncle as well? Or do I try and talk with them about what happened and show all the facts I have collected.

    If I do show them facts I would have to explain that my sister and mom are sociopaths. I am worried that by telling my aunt/uncle that my mom and sister are sociopaths may get back to them, but I feel like I should at least try to warn them so they have some information. I would hate to lose them, but I have to protect my wife and children. Thank you for reading this and for any help you give.

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