You have strength and intelligence. You saw the red flags, albeit as small as they were. You did the right thing by bailing.

But the fact that you were invited into their little circle, stayed briefly then left, you are now a perceived threat to them. You know too much. You know that those charming personas are all just an act. The risk you precent to them, based on their own paranoia, is that you will be somehow able to expose them. But a typical person cannot go up against a sociopath the wrath of a sociopath.

The term I coined is “offensive revenge” as they likely already placed you at the top of their “to-do” list. I would bet they began to assassinate your character as soon as they felt you were not one of them.

The character assassination against me began years before I ever knew it, and I’ve been able to track mine back to the first year of my marriage with Julie. I recently came across a notebook of draft letters to her mom where she was placing the blame on me for all her improprieties. After 12 years of marriage, I always wondered why her mom never liked me.

I’m sorry to say, but you can never really consider that they’ve forgotten about you. Identify the people in your life, ones that you can truly trust, and confide in them. Ideally, these people have no contact with that circle of evil.

And if you can, find a good psychologist with psychopathy training and experience. They are not easy to find. If you make an appointment with one, your agenda for that first appointment is to analyze them. Have you list of questions with you so you can determine if the therapist really does understand, above what is common knowledge.

I wish you peace.

You’re correct: there really is no therapeutic diagnosis for sociopath. It was removed from professional use about 20 years ago, and replaced with the conditions (i.e., AsPD, APD, NPD, etc.). Most true psychopaths are not relegated to just one disorder.

It’s tough for me to imagine a psychopath just selecting someone at random to target. The wouldn’t necessarily know your friends, family, co-workers, etc. Are you in a small town?

I agree with you on your theory about female psychopaths. I’ve looked past my entire adult life and the far majority of what I would consider a true psychopath are women. But men, in general, are more violent … it’s the testosterone factor.

Although psychopaths and bullies are not the same, your consensus does remind me of my school days. Male bullies were blatantly aggressive and physical. Female bullies were much more prone to destroy their targets through tormenting and psychological means.

It is guesstimated that less than 5% of all psychopaths are incarcerated, and I believe those are all male. Of course, that means that we associate with the other 95% on a daily basis.

Those <5% psychopathic inmates account for over 20% of those incarcerated, and that 20% accounts for over 80% of all heinous crimes. It generally doesn’t even make the news unless a major crime occurs, and even then, it’s hardly mentioned.

The system is phuqued up and really needs an overhaul. As a simple analogy, in many states a person will do some time for smoking pot, a simple weed that the FDA has categorized at the same level as heroin. And while all that occurs, it’s almost impossible to legally expose a psychopath, someone who is destroying lives.

Psychopaths rely on devoted followers that will do just as they are instructed. That includes attacking other people’s characters. Who else is like that? Politicians rely on devoted followers (the Party) that will do just as they are instructed. And it’s expected that politicians will attack their opponents and other people characters for their personal gain. How similar.

And then there are judges. Many are elected so they need followers, and the judges follow closely in the politicians footsteps. And look at the supreme court … appointed by sitting presidents. Those appointed judges have undoubtedly been disciples of their political party. Not just appointed, but appointed for life. No one whatsoever should be given a tenure for life.

So coming full circle, our court system — both attorneys and judges — have many of the same traits as any typical psychopath. They thrive on power. Judges have the power to send people to their deaths. What’s the point? There are many dangerous people locked up for life with no possibility for parole … isn’t that enough? I digressed.

But, if I were to guess, based on my own experiences, I’d suggest that there are more female psychopaths than males. They’re just more conniving and sinister.

Right now, though, I’m witnessing a prime example of what you have written above. It’s an online “clique” of women, who are some of the most cruel, backstabbing, hypocritical and nasty people I have ever encountered. And they are all truly in denial. However, they didn’t all used to be that way. There is one in particular that set off my alarms immediately, the leader of the bunch. She fits that example of being too good to be true, as well as almost all the other classic signs of a sociopath.

She really gets off on bringing pain to those she doesn’t like, and loves to fight with people at every turn. Yet still, with all of these traits, she still has her followers back her up each time, and what is worse, praising her for a what a great person she is. I swear it makes my stomach turn when I see it. I sort of liken it to a cult mentality. Before I knew all they were about, they invited me into their fold, yet I quickly realized what it was about.

A slam group to talk bad about others behind their backs, and plan attacks on people in a public forum, and I knew this was not for me. I also could tell that the precious cult leader did not like me and was just waiting for a reason to launch an attack. Upon one of their regular online forum bashings, I decided to opt out of their forum attack on some individuals.

Because of this, the leader immediately went to work, tarnishing my rep and making stuff up to the other people about me. I left the group and thought perhaps it wouldn’t matter anymore if I just separated myself from them, but they followed me around through other routes and slammed me through passive aggressive, veiled attacks on the forums. It’s quite a scary thing to see, because I only believe one of them to be a sociopath, although one other woman is pretty hostile as well but she didn’t used to be that way.

Perhaps I could be wrong though, maybe it’s because I never knew her from the get go. But for most of them, a year ago or so, they were not like that. They seemed to change after joining the private group with this person. And I could not dare to even confront them on it. I’m quite confident that the reaction would be somewhat similar to what you would see in those videos on youtube, where people confront Scientologists.

They get all crazy and aggressive, and are in complete denial of what they willingly follow. It’s just a battle that can’t be won. I don’t have any de-programming skills to cope with this problem, so I’m doing all I can to avoid them. I didn’t fit into their group because I’m not a follower, and I can think for myself.

They claimed they wanted to be my friend, but what they really wanted was another attack dog for their gang of thugs.

Also, I think there are many more female psychopaths around than is generally thought. They do say that male psychopaths outnmuber female ones, but I am not sure their figures are correct. One reason is that there has been virtually no real studies done on female psychopathy; the other reason may be that female psychopaths might just be better at hiding it than their male counterparts, and of course, most people (psychologists included maybe) are less likely to want to believe that a woman can be a psychopath. But I’ve met quite a few female psychopaths in my lifetime, probably more than male ones and they can be evil and utterly ruthless.

I wish you all the best and don’t give up hope.

I think of any attorney as a hired gun.

They have the weapon, but you must provide all the ammunition — they have none on their own. Some attorneys shoot with a BB gun, others shoot with a howitzer cannon. You want to find one with a howitzer. Prepare to pay more, as you will get a bigger bang for your buck.

How do you find one? Referrals, research, go sit in a courtroom and watch for the attorneys who are successfully tough, but respectful of the court (i.e. the judge).

Tap your home phone to record discussions with your husband. Carry a wire to record discussions face-to-face (a “wire” could be as simple as an iPhone or iPod Touch with a microphone hidden on your body). Your word against his will be worth very little without hard evidence — he will charmingly lie under oath.

Ask your attorney to require a psychological evaluation for him, which will mean you will need to take one, too. You can also require drug testing.

Defamation of character and/or slander is verbal — you would need to have witnesses to corroborate your allegation. Libel is slander that is published — “published” could mean emails depending on your local laws.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best. Understand, though, that it will be an uphill battle.

Help me to combat this insanity.

I cannot offer you any advice. The most I can do is share what I would do. As long as you’re aware this is not a recommendation or suggestion to you, you are welcome to continue reading. Our justice system (that being in the US) probably has a higher incident of sociopaths than the general public. The same goes for our elected officials. That’s my opinion, and I’m exercising my First Amendment Rights. Our justice system is severely broken. But I’ll save that for later.

>> “… beating them down or running them off …”

I would not even consider that. I know the strength and will that this kind of evil holds, and I would see it only as a suicide mission. They will not allow themselves to be beat.

If I were in that situation, I believe my only option would be to move … the further the better. That’s what I would do, and that’s what I will likely do soon. I’m at a place where I see that as my only real option. I will do it as secretively as I can, make it further than a one-day drive, and protect my new whereabouts as best as I can.

It’s relatively easy to find anyone nowadays, especially someone setting up a new household. I’m sure my sister was shocked last summer when I came across the real estate documentation on the Web, completely by accident, that she had bought a townhouse in Manhattan, moving from San Francisco. Even though she attempted to hide the move entirely from me, I not only had her new address, but I knew what she paid for it, the real estate agent, and who the seller was. So, I’d probably rent for a period of time, and ideally rent from a private party.

After that, I’d need to play everything by ear. I’d never be able to get rid of them, but I can do my best to vanish from them. If a job would be holding me back, it’s just another aspect that would need specific handling. Sanity, health and one’s wellbeing is number one.

And of course, this is only what I’m going to do, so wish me the best.

I’d like to give this more focussed thought before I answer, but wanted to also open it up for suggestions by anyone.