Synopsis :: This is what happened when I published my first Web site on this topic in early 2009. In 2007, two years earlier, I sent an email to my siblings telling them is they did not stop telling horrendous lies about me, I would go public, as it was all I had left to do.
Things got quiet for almost two years, until I discovered from a relative who had not previously been involved, that they had a whole new impression of me. A few months later, I went live with the first site, and revealed it to my sister, Kathy, showing her I was serious and thinking she may stop.
What happened next was beyond frightening, as the capabilities of her blind followers, known as disciples, came through with immediate revenge. The following explains what happened.
Sociopaths spend their lives manipulating others,While many consider this person a friend, and assume the feeling is mutual, the sociopath is not interested in having friends …
Estimates range from
Dangerous because of ignorance.
A successful sociopath has their group of followers, but they will also have
They are such misguided believers that they become defenders of the sociopath, protectors from those persons they believe are trying to hurt their [sociopathic] friend because of their popularity and success. They truly excel in living a life of denial, as well as
Also, the disciples won’t even consider that they are being manipulated, used or suckered, nor do they believe they could ever be. They take it as a huge offense if they are told they are being used.
The disciples don’t believe that anyone they know is a sociopath, and the only bad people are those with false proofs. Given their blind devotion, disciples are also very dangerous — just as sociopaths are — because the disciples will spy for the sociopaths.
How do I know this?
Unfortunately, this has all be learned through my personal experience as a sociopath’s victim … and to make matters worse,
If you’ve read my other posts here, you know that my oldest sister, Kathy, is a very malicious sociopath. It wasn’t until 2003, though, just after I turned 50, that a tiny slip-up led to her discovery. In the few short years since then, she was quite successful in maliciously destroying my character … so successful, in fact, that no one in my extended family will even reply to emails, let alone speak with me.
In July, I wanted to see if one of my cousins, Mary, had been sucked in, too, as I knew her older sister, Carol, had been. Since no one will speak with me, I needed to set-up something I could track. Before I began this site [Country-of-Liars], I put together another site with detailed substantiation, proving that my sister, Kathy, was telling nothing but lies about me. My stated goal was simply to clear my name.
I wrote a list-type email explaining what the site was about, and why I put it together. I also stated that I notified Kathy a week earlier about the existence of the site, but I had not heard anything from her. The email that I produce had all the appearances of being sent to a list, but in fact, I only sent to one person: Mary. It was all in perception … I wanted her to think she was sent it as part of a list.
Being a new site, it had few visitors, allowing me to see where the visitors were coming from.
The day I sent it to Mary, I had no visitors from her neck of the woods: Idaho — actually, if I had any visitors, there were no more than a few. The following day, though, the site got a lot of activity from one location — Mesa, Arizona. Coincidently, my sister, Kathy — the sociopath in question — lives in Mesa, Arizona. Kathy went directly to the URL I provided to Mary, and browsed the site for 35-45 minutes.
In turn, that makes Mary a disciple. Without even looking at a single page on the site, a site with nothing but substantiation to prove Kathy is a blatant liar, Mary forwarded the email to my sister, Kathy. She was protecting my sister, but from what? Truth? That’s all it had in it. Substantiated truth.
Why is it that people do not want to know the truth?
Pay-back time?
Almost immediately, though, some very strange things began to occur. I have 16 years of Web experience, and nothing has ever come close to what happened over the next 10-days. Coincidence? I think not.
Up until I sent the email to Mary, googling my sister’s full name would bring up that site — the site I had just created about her — and list it on the very first page of Google results.
Between 24-48 hours later, that site quit appearing entirely in any Google search results on any page. Gone. Vanished. Blacklisted.
There’s no doubt in my mind that someone on the inside at Google had blacklisted it.
re-venge noun :: the desire to inflict hurt or harm in retribution.
I own and operate an award-winning Web site that has been online since 1995. It simply provides a free service in a vertical market … and it’s been my flagship site for about 15 years.
Three days after I sent the email to cousin-Mary, I received an email from Google at 2AM on a Saturday morning, an email that I did not see for another eight hours. It stated that one of Google’s bots (i.e., robotic PCs) that was visiting and indexing my flagship site, coincidently had been infected with malware (interesting, but “malware” is short for “malicious software”… and I have a very “malicious sister” who was probably behind it).
So to protect the general public from that malware,
Once Google blocks a site, all search engines do. Only one person has ongoing access to that site, and that would be me. The public cannot add anything to the site, and Google is my only advertiser on the site.
I included the advertising notation because Google’s block page refers to links that could go to sites intending to spread malware. Often, those links to the malware sites are advertisers links — albeit false and misleading advertisers — but just about the only links pointing out of my site are from advertisers. And all the ads on my site are fed through Google’s ad program … Google is my only advertising provider.
Google would not provide any details to me, such as where on my site the malware supposedly infected their computer. They were in no apparent rush to remove the block, even though I was unable to find anything malicious on the site. Even when I had other services scan the site, none of them could not find anything malicious, either, but they said it was their company policy that they maintained the block as long as Google did. I was getting that “Big Brother” feeling.
Apparent Sabotage
I awoke on day three to find my site was still blocked, so I called the corporate offices of Google. Have you ever tried to find a phone number for Google? I do believe it’s the one and only thing you cannot find by googling. The person who answered said
Then, on day four, I got my biggest surprise. My Web hosting provider (DreamHost) is in the Los Angeles area, and has been my only hosting provider for the past four years. When I pulled up some records, though (curiously, on a Google page),
Without obtaining my approval, nor even notifying me, someone had copied my entire site to Google’s servers … which means that
I immediately inquired at DreamHost. It wasn’t until I showed them a copy of the page that they became believers. They never experienced anything like it, but, since it was Google, they did not know what they could do. Their feeling mirrored mine as something was not on the up-and-up.
I certainly doubt that all sites, world-wide, found to have suspicious software, would be transferred automatically to Google’s servers. That would be ludicrous. I was not supposed to see that information, and I’m sure someone was betting I wouldn’t. I was logged into my Google account, and was navigating through pages I’d never been to before, when I discovered the dual-servers … something so remote that I could have easily missed, as I did the first time I looked at the page. It was just a line of text, on a page filled with text, and buried in the middle of the page.
No one has ever been able to provide a legitimate reason as to why my entire site was copied over to Google servers. I was down for almost 100 hours, and as you can see, the impact was immediate, and potentially hurt me in the long-run, too. It certainly smells of revenge. It’s not something I ever felt that Google was officially behind. But having grown up in Silicon Valley, with family still living there — family who supports my sister Kathy — it doesn’t seem very remote that someone working for Google is a friend of my sister’s, or my cousin’s. At the very least, the activity was unethical and immoral, if not illegal.
ADDENDUM – MAR 2010: Although all this took place during the summer of 2009, it was still an unanswered question in my mind, as to why my site was copied to Google. And not just copied to a Google server, but it stated that my site was being hosted by Google, in addition to Dreamhost.
Enough time had passed that I decided to ask in Google’s Support Forums if what happened to my site was typical. Reading through the thread is eye-opening, as the very first person to respond, just another user, understood exactly what I was asking. But after that, I only got the run-around, attempts to derail my question, and suspiciously getting me to reveal the site I was referring to.
Yet the question was not, at all, site specific. It was a simple, general question regarding procedures — i.e., does Google do THIS, yes or no? Also, read the last entry in the thread, which is mine. Note what I asked, and how that brought everything to a stop.
Here’s THE GOOGLE THREAD. NOTE: a Google account may be necessary to access their support forum.
Revenge is a sociopathic characteristic that I have personally felt the wrath of in many ways. I also discovered it as a diagnosed trait of my ex-wife, Julie, while reading her psychological evaluation. The clinical psychologist stated that Julie would justify even the slightest acts of revenge. My personal experience corroborates with the clinical evaluation. Julie was unpredictably violent.
When a sociopath feels the need to defend their public persona from being exposed as fake, their strategy (i.e., offensive-revenge) is usually to destroy their victim’s character, turning them into an outcast, which in extreme cases, could lead to severe depression and even suicide.
So a sociopath may not commit the violence themselves — especially if it would be geographically inconvenient — though they may lay down such an onslaught of heinous acts against their victim, that they could fully intend to drive that person to the person’s limit. They literally can destroy a person’s life, without a single night of lost sleep. They truly have no remorse, no guilt … if they believe it needs to get done, it’s just business.
The following occurred in early 1995, just as our divorce proceedings were winding down (after Julie threw in the towel, granting me full custody).
One Friday evening, as Julie was picking up the kids for the weekend, she let them run on ahead to her car, turned back to me, and while looking directly into my eyes and wearing a big smile, she casually slipped in a subtle death threat. She then turned and practically skipped back to her car. I don’t know what she saw in my eyes, but I saw very evil sincerity in hers.
I’ve been through more bad luck than most people ever face in this country, in a lifetime. And no, I don’t want pity. It’s rare when a day goes by that I don’t at least think about my own exit strategy.
Even though it has been 15 years since our divorce, Julie has done her most evil acts against me within the past few years — when I least expected it. Julie apparently was always waiting for opportunities, and based on time alone, I let my guard down.
What’s next?
After discovering the first sociopath in my life, all I did was open my eyes, research the Web to increase my knowledge and awareness, and discovered, quite easily, that there was more than just one. It also allowed me to look back and finally have answers … answers that fully explained the activities of certain people in my past … some I worked with, others I knew socially.
Due to their ability to charm and create a following, sociopaths are a natural for high places, such as politics, corporate executives, and Wall Street. You know at least one sociopath now, many throughout your life, as they’re some of the nicest, most impressive, not-genuinely charming people you thought you ever knew.
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November 30th, 2009 at 21:55
I am frightened. I’m 41 years old. My oldest brother has manipulated my family for 30 years. Sons of a wealthy doctor. I am the youngest. Mother is manipulated by the eldest (sociopath). I’m scared. He has put the entire family against me. Dad is dying. Marc the middle doesn’t talk to me. Nowhere to turn.
December 2nd, 2009 at 23:37
Michael also wrote to me via my contact form, and I replied to him personally.
I believe anyone who reads Michael’s words can clearly feel the desperation, if not outright panic, that Michael is experiencing. I know that exact feeling all too well, and unless you’ve been in that place yourself, no description can touch it. But I’ll try…
• Imagine being invisible to everyone but yourself. You are alone in a world full of people who ignore you.
• Think back to your worst nightmare … now imagine living it and never waking up.
• Imagine being framed and convicted of murder … multiple people swear it was you. No one will listen to you, though, since as a “murderer” you are expected to swear your innocence.
Now, add them all together. It is pure evil.
Hang in there, Michael.
March 8th, 2010 at 05:35
i know exactly what you are saying. it is amazing how they can get all these people in!! I started thinking I was going a bit nuts because it felt like a conspiracy!!! Every person I came into contact with that had had time contact with him were completely for him and completely against me. Now he has stolen my children and the judge just thinks he is the ants pants.
June 5th, 2010 at 17:57
I have always suspected my brother was a sociopath, he never calls me unless he wants something and has stolen from me many times in the past. I chose to ignore him and have never called him a sociopath.
Recently I mentioned to my other brother and my mother that I suspected him of being a sociopath. Over the past couple of years he has been caught in lies by our family and they were starting to see how he really is without the charm. Now I find out today from my mother (just 2 days after mentioning he might be a sociopath) she calls me on the phone to tell me he has a brain tumor and he has 2-5 years to live and there is nothing that can be done about it.
Naturally I cried and was upset bad, relationship or not, he still is my brother and I love him. I asked for details and everything started sounding fishy, he went to the hospital for a seizure two weeks ago and yet no one went with him not even his wife ?
I am trying really hard to believe, but he has hurt me so many times and at one point had my family against me (I have since corrected this by just pretending to believe what ever he says and always admitting fault on my end no matter what just so that my family doesn’t ignore me or be mean.)
My question…would a sociopath lie about dying to get everyone back on his side? By the way he has convinced my family and his wife that it is ok to have a wife and girlfriend at the same time, his girlfriend would even come to family functions with the wife.
What should I do… should I just go along with it?
Trying not to be heartless.
June 6th, 2010 at 13:37
Anna,
Since you asked for advice, please read and understand the following paragraph before proceeding:
Disclaimer: This site is not meant to diagnose, counsel or provide professional advice. It is only a candid journal of my real-life experiences. Therefore, these are just personal opinions, and nothing more.
Apparently, a sociopath feels no emotions. From my experience, that would seem to be very accurate. That means the complete absence of guilt or remorse. It’s difficult to even imagine what that must feel like, though I’ve come to believe there is no limit to it. A sociopath will fabricate lies of any size or magnitude to achieve what they need to achieve. Nothing will get in their way.
At least initially, it would seem not very difficult to determine the accuracy of the tumor claim. Using the Web, research brain tumors and find out how many tests would need to be conducted to receive a diagnosis of an in-operable brain tumor. How long would those tests take? How long would someone need to be in the hospital for that to be determined? How long was he in the hospital? Who was the oncologist?
Ask him to explain more about the tumor, what type it is, where is it located, size, etc.? Ask him in-person, not on the phone — watch his reactions to your questions. Be prepared with your questions, i.e., formulate your questions from the research you conduct, but ask them in a casual manner. He likely would have been told a lot of detail with such a diagnosis.
But what gets me is the wife and girl friend. To achieve that level of manipulation with his wife, specifically, brings back that concept of emotional emptiness. Love is an emotion that would seem he feels none of, nor does he feel any guilt in what he’s doing. It’s one thing if you heard he was having an affair, and another thing altogether if you heard his wife accepted it. But the boldness of bringing both of them to family functions leaves me speechless. Why does your family allow him to do it?
From my own research and family history, APD, and the other personality disorders, are from a genetic factor. It’s hereditary. Have you determined which side of the family carries the bad gene? You may need to go back to your grandparents, since the parent with the gene may only be carrying it.
Again, I need to emphasize these are just personal opinions based on very limited information that you provided. I am not trained to diagnose, counsel or advise.
I do wish you luck.
June 6th, 2010 at 14:41
Mandy
Somehow, I missed your comment. My apologies.
What you describe is so foreign and unthinkable to virtually anyone who has not personally experienced the wrath of a sociopath. And because they can destroy someone with such ease, and such sincerity, they can actually earn people’s sympathy for how well they dealt with that innocent person they are destroying, based completely on their maliciously fabricated lies about them.
Most people have limits. Sociopaths have none. Because of that, it’s virtually impossible to win against them. They have no intention of losing, as they have nothing to stop them. They will lie under oath with the same ease as ordering a pizza.
Strange analogy, I agree, but have you ever felt nervous ordering a pizza? The oath means nothing to them.
I know one sociopath who is very intelligent, shrewd and cunning. I know another who I would have to classify as plain stupid. Yet, both have their followers. Both can manipulate people to do and believe what they want. It’s the intelligent one, though, who is way more dangerous.
June 9th, 2010 at 10:33
My sister is a sociopath. She is 15 years older and has destroyed our relationship completely with her lies and abuse.
She hurt my parents while they were alive with her torment, lies, stealing, and mental abuse. Since their death, she has moved on to me. After watching her destroy my parents while they were old and frail, I refused to deal with her anymore. I couldn’t stand to see how she treated both of them while they were dying – she hated them, always telling them that they loved me more than her. I loved my parents so much, they were both such wonderful human beings – I never understood why she was the way she was, until someone finally told me that they thought she was a sociopath. I couldn’t take what she did to both of my parents while they were dying so we had a huge fight and I cut all ties with her, finally telling her once and for all how I felt about her.
To get revenge, she has spread malicious lies about me and my husband, continuously. My husband is a wonderful man and loves me and our children very much. Her husband in my opinion, is also a sociopath and has taught her through the years everything she knows (she married him when she was 18.). They/She tells everyone, family members and all of our friends, that my husband cheats on me, that I hate him, that he is cruel, that we are divorced, that I’m on medication…the lies go on and on and on. She has hurt me with her lies my entire life, always bullying me and threatening me with anything that could and would hurt my feelings.
I am now in my 40′s and still, even after not speaking with her for the past five years, she still continues with her games, she continues to spread lies about me and my husband. Those that truly know me, know that she is insane and they don’t believe what she says, but she is ruthless and won’t stop. She is the meanest person I have ever met in my life. She has even gone as far as sending letters to everyone, spending hundreds of dollars sending anonymous letters to people, in order to spread more lies about me.
Now that I know she is a true sociopath, I refuse to have anything to do with her. I would never let her harm my children, or even have them know such an evil person. How do I keep her away from me? Why doesn’t she just focus on her husband and her children since they are all so messed up and just as evil as she is? If she hates me so much, why doesn’t she stop doing things to get my attention?
July 26th, 2010 at 21:22
I wish I could just sit down and speak to you. This hits SO close to home.
I’ve been in such turmoil over it too. My family too also bought into my sister in laws lies. I always wondered how is it possible that they would even believe her. I could never comprehend it, and it has hurt me over and over and over. I have recently started talking to this person again in thinking that people would stop thinking the things they do of me ( which by the way I have no idea what has actually been said about me.
It must be bad though, because everyone in the family has treated me differently) I can’t even imagine the lies she’s filled their heads with, it’s really unbelievale to me. Oh if only we could speak….. anyways it’s been awful.) This person has actually even taken to using religion to manipulate, which works well on the people she’s been doing the manipulating too. My mother-in-law is a devout Jehovah’s Witness.
I wish I could just pour my guts out on everything I have to say. It’s been such a nightmare. I am a very timid, extremely shy ( social anxiety disorder runs in my family) and I have never really stood up for myself over the years, so now I find myself in the difficult predicament of talking with her again on FaceBook.
It’s so hard, she can be so nice ( btw- we used to be best friends, then I was able to distance myself from her, and now as of about 5 yrs. ago, she’s my sister in law just to give you a brief history) Do you have any advice??? Is being nice to her the only way to deal with her?? I am so conflicted.
Everyone uses the Bible on me. I feel like I’m the monster sometimes as I was raised Catholic and went to private Catholic school. I just need someone to talk to that understands.
July 27th, 2010 at 04:45
My apologies … I see that I’ve fallen way behind in my responses. Life keeps getting in the way of my PTSD, and all the other unique ‘gifts’ sociopaths bestow upon us.
I’m under extra stress right now from things that accompany a mortgage … like falling behind. I certainly fear homelessness more than I fear death.
I’ll try to get back to everyone soon.
Larry
July 27th, 2010 at 08:07
Erika,
I think that your sister-in-law is using religion to persuade others to believe her lies because she knows that you are religious, catholic, and so is your family, so that would make them all believe her. A true sociopath actually studies their victims for a while before they start their “attacks”.
She knows what to say to get people to be “on her side”. I know how you feel though because my sister has done that to me too. I am also religious and my sister knows how much my faith means to me. She always used to try to convince me that she believed in God sooo much so that I would stop and listen to her.
The reality is that if you truly believe in God, you could never hurt anyone, or be evil toward them – especially your own family. I don’t think they know what love is and I know they don’t know how it feels so they can’t possibly believe in God. I have chosen to stay as far away from my sister as possible simply because of all of the pain and heartache that she has caused me and my family. If I were you, I would completely distance myself from my sister-in-law and have very little to do with her.
You probably don’t want to lose your brother, so you are trying to just put up with her. But, you can have a relationship with your brother w/o having to talk or to deal with her. Just keep it short and simple with him because you know that he probably loves her. In time, he will most-likely be the one to come to you and tell you how much turmoil he is really in.
It has to be so difficult to be married to someone that is so evil. Keep your conversations with her very short, always tell her you are just so busy and stressed and can’t really talk to her or do anything with her. Don’t let her know that you are on to her because then she will just be ruthless in trying to destroy you (as my sister has done). Keep your distance…hope this helps a little.
July 27th, 2010 at 15:52
Thank you Bella for talking to me about this.
It is actually my husband’s brother. The family is so close to her and him. You see he has issues as well. He also lies a lot and has a criminal record of stealing. A couple of years ago everything hit the fan after she continually harassed me on Myspace. Somehow, she was able to twist everything on to me that really applied to her a million times over. When everything finally blew up, 2 days later, our hose was broken into and TV stolen.
The police officer thought it looked like a crime of someone who was mad at us. It wasn’t the typical burglary. The VERY next morning, we received a message on our answering machine from her husband. He accidentally called and our house and was actually saying to someone, :you know about the TV thing, was mad sounding and then Said Erika deserved it. We tried having the detective listen to the tape and he said it could get thrown out as hearsay. So we couldn’t even get help that way, totally unbelievable sounding, trust me, I know. Well it’s pretty bad when nobody in your family believes it, even when they know he’s a thief!! My husband is a wonderful man, never done anything like his brothers. I don’t even know how he came from the same family.
Anyways, we are now the outcasts because we don’t want anything to do with them and all they ever do is party. We don’t want to be apart of that, and it is then twisted onto me. My sister in law recently obtained a psychology degree by taking online courses. I read on a different site that this is also typical of a sociopath. She moves every six months to a year. She usually gets into places that she can live in for free. She has a couple of sisters who were foreclosed on and they moved out and let her and her family live there until they were kicked out. She is now a realtor again……..
July 27th, 2010 at 16:07
I’m sorry for all of the typing mistakes. I’m trying to get everything out and I’m not the best typist.
I’d love to talk to you some more though. It’s just crazy to me how they can all get drunk all the time (my mother-in-law doesn’t drink, she’s a Jehovah’s Witness but she is at all of the parties they have, usually football related), partying and then claim to be religious. I really saw such a change in my mother and father in law though. They said things to me you could never imagine. Cruel things, I never saw it coming.
It broke my heart…. And don’t get me wrong, I wrote things back to them, things that I had built up inside, but not like the things my father in law said to me. He even said a horrible comment about my kids going to a Catholic church and what could happen to them there. I’ll never understand, but we are on good terms with them now. They did apologize and so did I. It’s just hard to forget things like that. That’s my struggle. I want my kids to know them. They love their grandparents and so do I despite these things. It was all brought on by her. There was a time when they saw through it.
The parents paid for her and their sons wedding. Later on, they found out it was a sham. They weren’t ever legally married after all, and basically the parents shelled out money for a big drunken party. They were furious at them for that, but they forgave them and now could never believe they could harm a fly. I think it mainly changed when she had their grandchild. Sorry for the rambling…..it probably doesn’t even make any sense the way I’ve been jumping from subject to subject. I just have so much to say, this is 10 years in the making….