The Short Answer:
Their complete lack of fear or remorse from their actions.
The Longer Answer:
Read on …
Synopsis :: In mid-2007, I sent an email to my three siblings telling them if they did not stop telling horrendous and malicious lies about me, I would go public, as it was all I had left to do.
Things got quiet for almost two years, until I discovered from a relative, that she had a whole new impression of me … an ugly one. A few months later, I went live with my first site, which included our somewhat unique family name, unique enough that the site quickly began appearing as the first listing of results based on searching Kathy’s full name.
What happened next was beyond anything I thought possible, as Kathy and her disciples acted quickly to redefine “revenge” for me.
They seem to have many friends, yet none of those ‘followers’ actually know the real person, nor does the sociopath consider them a friend. Those “friends” only know the public persona, a very convincing personality that the sociopath creates to use and manipulate others.
The danger of ignorance.
A successful sociopath has their group of followers, but they will also have
They are such misguided believers that they become defenders of the sociopath, protectors from those persons they believe are trying to hurt their [sociopathic] friend because of their popularity and success. They truly excel in living a life of denial, as well as
Also, the disciples won’t even consider that they are being manipulated, used or suckered, nor do they believe they could ever be. They take it as a huge offense if they are told they are being used.
The disciples don’t believe that anyone they know is a sociopath, and the only bad people are those with false proofs. Given their blind devotion, disciples are also very dangerous — just as sociopaths are — because the disciples will spy for the sociopaths.
How do I know this?
Unfortunately, this has all been learned through my personal experience growing up with sociopath siblings … and to make matters worse, marrying one.
If you’ve read my other posts here, you know that my oldest sister, Kathy, is a very malicious sociopath. It wasn’t until 2003, though, just after I turned 50, that a tiny slip-up led to her discovery. In the few short years since then, she was quite successful in maliciously destroying my character … so successful, in fact, that no one in my extended family will even reply to emails, let alone speak with me.
In July, I wanted to see if one of my cousins, Mary, had been sucked in, too, as I knew her older sister, Carol, had been. Since no one will speak with me, I needed to set-up something I could track. Before I began this site [Country-of-Liars], I put together another site with detailed substantiation, proving that my sister, Kathy, was telling nothing but lies about me. My stated goal was simply to clear my name.
I wrote a list-type email explaining what the site was about, and why I put it together. I also stated that I notified Kathy a week earlier about the existence of the site, but I had not heard anything from her. The email that I produce had all the appearances of being sent to a list, but in fact, I only sent to one person: Mary. It was all in perception … I wanted her to think she was sent it as part of a list.
Being a new site, it had few visitors, allowing me to see where the visitors were coming from.
The day I sent it to Mary, I had no visitors from her neck of the woods: Idaho — actually, if I had any visitors, there were no more than a few. The following day, though, the site got a lot of activity from one location — Mesa, Arizona. Coincidently, my sister, Kathy — the sociopath in question — lives in Mesa, Arizona. Kathy went directly to the URL I provided to Mary, and browsed the site for 35-45 minutes.
In turn, that makes Mary a disciple. Without even looking at a single page on the site, a site with nothing but substantiation to prove Kathy is a blatant liar, Mary forwarded the email to my sister, Kathy. She was protecting my sister, but from what? Truth? That’s all it had in it. Substantiated truth.
Why is it that people do not want to know the truth?
A sociopath’s revenge
Almost immediately, though, some very strange things began to occur. I have 16 years of Web experience, and nothing has ever come close to what happened over the next 10-days. Coincidence? I think not.
Up until I sent the email to Mary, googling my sister’s full name would bring up that site — the site I had just created about her — and list it on the very first page of Google results.
Between 24-48 hours later, that site quit appearing entirely in any Google search results on any page. Gone. Vanished. Blacklisted.
There’s no doubt in my mind that someone on the inside at Google had blacklisted it.
re-venge noun :: the desire to inflict hurt or harm in retribution.
I own and operate an award-winning Web site that has been online since 1995. It simply provides a free service in a vertical market … and it’s been my flagship site for about 15 years.
Three days after I sent the email to cousin-Mary, I received an email from Google at 2AM on a Saturday morning, an email that I did not see for another eight hours. It stated that one of Google’s bots (i.e., robotic PCs) that was visiting and indexing my flagship site, coincidently had been infected with malware (interesting, but “malware” is short for “malicious software”… and I have a very “malicious sister” who was probably behind it).
So to protect the general public from that malware,
Once Google blocks a site, all search engines do. Only one person has ongoing access to that site, and that would be me. The public cannot add anything to the site, and Google is my only advertiser on the site.
I included the advertising notation because Google’s block page refers to links that could go to sites intending to spread malware. Often, those links to the malware sites are advertisers links — albeit false and misleading advertisers — but just about the only links pointing out of my site are from advertisers. And all the ads on my site are fed through Google’s ad program … Google is my only advertising provider.
Google would not provide any details to me, such as where on my site the malware supposedly infected their computer. They were in no apparent rush to remove the block, even though I was unable to find anything malicious on the site. Even when I had other services scan the site, none of them could not find anything malicious, either, but they said it was their company policy that they maintained the block as long as Google did. I was getting that “Big Brother” feeling.
Apparent Sabotage
I awoke on day three to find my site was still blocked, so I called the corporate offices of Google. Have you ever tried to find a phone number for Google? I do believe it’s the one and only thing you cannot find by googling.
The person who answered said
Then, on day four, I got my biggest surprise. My Web hosting provider (DreamHost) is in the Los Angeles area, and has been my only hosting provider for the past four years. When I pulled up some records, though (curiously, on a Google page),
Without obtaining my approval, nor even notifying me, someone had copied my entire site to Google’s servers … which means that
They were able to do anything they wanted to, and then send a googlebot to get infected. At that point, the warnings and site block would kick-in automatically. How suspicious that this all took place while my site had been copied over to Google servers
I immediately inquired at DreamHost. It wasn’t until I showed them a copy of the page that they became believers. They never experienced anything like it, but, since it was Google, they did not know what they could do. Their feeling mirrored mine as something was not on the up-and-up.
I certainly doubt that all sites, world-wide, found to have suspicious software, would be transferred automatically to Google’s servers. That would be ludicrous. I was not supposed to see that information, and I’m sure someone was betting I wouldn’t. I was logged into my Google account, and was navigating through pages I’d never been to before, when I discovered the dual-servers … something so remote that I could have easily missed, as I did the first time I looked at the page. It was just a line of text, on a page filled with text, and buried in the middle of the page.
No one has ever been able to provide a legitimate reason as to why my entire site was copied over to Google servers. I was down for almost 100 hours, and as you can see, the impact was immediate, and potentially hurt me in the long-run, too. It certainly smells of revenge. It’s not something I ever felt that Google was officially behind. But having grown up in Silicon Valley, with family still living there — family who supports my sister Kathy — it doesn’t seem very remote that someone working for Google is a friend of my sister’s, or my cousin’s. At the very least, the activity was unethical and immoral, if not illegal.
ADDENDUM – MAR 2010: Although all this took place during the summer of 2009, it was still an unanswered question in my mind, as to why my site was copied to Google. And not just copied to a Google server, but it stated that my site was being hosted by Google, in addition to Dreamhost.
Enough time had passed that I decided to ask in Google’s Support Forums if what happened to my site was typical. Reading through the thread is eye-opening, as the very first person to respond, just another user, understood exactly what I was asking. But after that, I only got the run-around, attempts to derail my question, and suspiciously getting me to reveal the site I was referring to.
Yet the question was not, at all, site specific. It was a simple, general question regarding procedures — i.e., does Google do THIS, yes or no? Also, read the last entry in the thread, which is mine. Note what I asked, and how that brought everything to a stop.
Here’s THE GOOGLE THREAD. NOTE: a Google account may be necessary to access their support forum.
Revenge is a sociopathic characteristic that I have personally felt the wrath of in many ways. I also discovered it as a diagnosed trait of my ex-wife, Julie, while reading her psychological evaluation. The clinical psychologist stated that Julie would justify even the slightest acts of revenge. My personal experience corroborates with the clinical evaluation. Julie was unpredictably violent.
When a sociopath feels the need to defend their public persona from being exposed as fake, their strategy (i.e., offensive-revenge) is usually to destroy their victim’s character, turning them into an outcast, which in extreme cases, could lead to severe depression and even suicide.
So a sociopath may not commit the violence themselves — especially if it would be geographically inconvenient — though they may lay down such an onslaught of heinous acts against their victim, that they could fully intend to drive that person to the person’s limit. They literally can destroy a person’s life, without a single night of lost sleep. They truly have no remorse, no guilt … if they believe it needs to get done, it’s just business.
The following occurred in early 1995, just as our divorce proceedings were winding down (after Julie threw in the towel, granting me full custody).
One Friday evening, as Julie was picking up the kids for the weekend, she let them run on ahead to her car, turned back to me, and while looking directly into my eyes and wearing a big smile, she casually slipped in a subtle death threat. She then turned and practically skipped back to her car. I don’t know what she saw in my eyes, but I saw very evil sincerity in hers.
I’ve been through more bad luck than most people ever face in this country, in a lifetime. And no, I don’t want pity. It’s rare when a day goes by that I don’t at least think about my own exit strategy.
Even though it has been 15 years since our divorce, Julie has done her most evil acts against me within the past few years — when I least expected it. Julie apparently was always waiting for opportunities, and based on time alone, I let my guard down.
What’s next?
After discovering the first sociopath in my life, all I did was open my eyes, research the Web to increase my knowledge and awareness, and discovered, quite easily, that there was more than just one. It also allowed me to look back and finally have answers … answers that fully explained the activities of certain people in my past … some I worked with, others I knew socially.
Due to their ability to charm and create a following, sociopaths are a natural for high places, such as politics, corporate executives, and Wall Street. You know at least one sociopath now, many throughout your life, as they’re some of the nicest, most impressive, not-genuinely charming people you thought you ever knew.
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Related Posts:
A family of sociopaths :: Part 1
Protect yourself from any sociopath.
Sociopaths are all the same … right?
What makes a sociopath so dangerous?
Psychopath/Sociopath: Similarities Outweigh Differences
Discovering Your Best Friend is a Sociopath
How do you spot a sociopath?
Identifying a Sociopath
AUDIO: Evidence from Recorded Phone Calls
Do School Administrators Help Young Sociopaths?
November 30th, 2009 at 21:55
I am frightened. I’m 41 years old. My oldest brother has manipulated my family for 30 years. Sons of a wealthy doctor. I am the youngest. Mother is manipulated by the eldest (sociopath). I’m scared. He has put the entire family against me. Dad is dying. Marc the middle doesn’t talk to me. Nowhere to turn.
December 2nd, 2009 at 23:37
Michael also wrote to me via my contact form, and I replied to him personally.
I believe anyone who reads Michael’s words can clearly feel the desperation, if not outright panic, that Michael is experiencing. I know that exact feeling all too well, and unless you’ve been in that place yourself, no description can touch it. But I’ll try…
• Imagine being invisible to everyone but yourself. You are alone in a world full of people who ignore you.
• Think back to your worst nightmare … now imagine living it and never waking up.
• Imagine being framed and convicted of murder … multiple people swear it was you. No one will listen to you, though, since as a “murderer” you are expected to swear your innocence.
Now, add them all together. It is pure evil.
Hang in there, Michael.
March 8th, 2010 at 05:35
i know exactly what you are saying. it is amazing how they can get all these people in!! I started thinking I was going a bit nuts because it felt like a conspiracy!!! Every person I came into contact with that had had time contact with him were completely for him and completely against me. Now he has stolen my children and the judge just thinks he is the ants pants.
June 5th, 2010 at 17:57
I have always suspected my brother was a sociopath, he never calls me unless he wants something and has stolen from me many times in the past. I chose to ignore him and have never called him a sociopath.
Recently I mentioned to my other brother and my mother that I suspected him of being a sociopath. Over the past couple of years he has been caught in lies by our family and they were starting to see how he really is without the charm. Now I find out today from my mother (just 2 days after mentioning he might be a sociopath) she calls me on the phone to tell me he has a brain tumor and he has 2-5 years to live and there is nothing that can be done about it.
Naturally I cried and was upset bad, relationship or not, he still is my brother and I love him. I asked for details and everything started sounding fishy, he went to the hospital for a seizure two weeks ago and yet no one went with him not even his wife ?
I am trying really hard to believe, but he has hurt me so many times and at one point had my family against me (I have since corrected this by just pretending to believe what ever he says and always admitting fault on my end no matter what just so that my family doesn’t ignore me or be mean.)
My question…would a sociopath lie about dying to get everyone back on his side? By the way he has convinced my family and his wife that it is ok to have a wife and girlfriend at the same time, his girlfriend would even come to family functions with the wife.
What should I do… should I just go along with it?
Trying not to be heartless.
June 6th, 2010 at 13:37
Anna,
Since you asked for advice, please read and understand the following paragraph before proceeding:
Disclaimer: This site is not meant to diagnose, counsel or provide professional advice. It is only a candid journal of my real-life experiences. Therefore, these are just personal opinions, and nothing more.
Apparently, a sociopath feels no emotions. From my experience, that would seem to be very accurate. That means the complete absence of guilt or remorse. It’s difficult to even imagine what that must feel like, though I’ve come to believe there is no limit to it. A sociopath will fabricate lies of any size or magnitude to achieve what they need to achieve. Nothing will get in their way.
At least initially, it would seem not very difficult to determine the accuracy of the tumor claim. Using the Web, research brain tumors and find out how many tests would need to be conducted to receive a diagnosis of an in-operable brain tumor. How long would those tests take? How long would someone need to be in the hospital for that to be determined? How long was he in the hospital? Who was the oncologist?
Ask him to explain more about the tumor, what type it is, where is it located, size, etc.? Ask him in-person, not on the phone — watch his reactions to your questions. Be prepared with your questions, i.e., formulate your questions from the research you conduct, but ask them in a casual manner. He likely would have been told a lot of detail with such a diagnosis.
But what gets me is the wife and girl friend. To achieve that level of manipulation with his wife, specifically, brings back that concept of emotional emptiness. Love is an emotion that would seem he feels none of, nor does he feel any guilt in what he’s doing. It’s one thing if you heard he was having an affair, and another thing altogether if you heard his wife accepted it. But the boldness of bringing both of them to family functions leaves me speechless. Why does your family allow him to do it?
From my own research and family history, APD, and the other personality disorders, are from a genetic factor. It’s hereditary. Have you determined which side of the family carries the bad gene? You may need to go back to your grandparents, since the parent with the gene may only be carrying it.
Again, I need to emphasize these are just personal opinions based on very limited information that you provided. I am not trained to diagnose, counsel or advise.
I do wish you luck.
June 6th, 2010 at 14:41
Mandy
Somehow, I missed your comment. My apologies.
What you describe is so foreign and unthinkable to virtually anyone who has not personally experienced the wrath of a sociopath. And because they can destroy someone with such ease, and such sincerity, they can actually earn people’s sympathy for how well they dealt with that innocent person they are destroying, based completely on their maliciously fabricated lies about them.
Most people have limits. Sociopaths have none. Because of that, it’s virtually impossible to win against them. They have no intention of losing, as they have nothing to stop them. They will lie under oath with the same ease as ordering a pizza.
Strange analogy, I agree, but have you ever felt nervous ordering a pizza? The oath means nothing to them.
I know one sociopath who is very intelligent, shrewd and cunning. I know another who I would have to classify as plain stupid. Yet, both have their followers. Both can manipulate people to do and believe what they want. It’s the intelligent one, though, who is way more dangerous.
June 9th, 2010 at 10:33
My sister is a sociopath. She is 15 years older and has destroyed our relationship completely with her lies and abuse.
She hurt my parents while they were alive with her torment, lies, stealing, and mental abuse. Since their death, she has moved on to me. After watching her destroy my parents while they were old and frail, I refused to deal with her anymore. I couldn’t stand to see how she treated both of them while they were dying – she hated them, always telling them that they loved me more than her. I loved my parents so much, they were both such wonderful human beings – I never understood why she was the way she was, until someone finally told me that they thought she was a sociopath. I couldn’t take what she did to both of my parents while they were dying so we had a huge fight and I cut all ties with her, finally telling her once and for all how I felt about her.
To get revenge, she has spread malicious lies about me and my husband, continuously. My husband is a wonderful man and loves me and our children very much. Her husband in my opinion, is also a sociopath and has taught her through the years everything she knows (she married him when she was 18.). They/She tells everyone, family members and all of our friends, that my husband cheats on me, that I hate him, that he is cruel, that we are divorced, that I’m on medication…the lies go on and on and on. She has hurt me with her lies my entire life, always bullying me and threatening me with anything that could and would hurt my feelings.
I am now in my 40′s and still, even after not speaking with her for the past five years, she still continues with her games, she continues to spread lies about me and my husband. Those that truly know me, know that she is insane and they don’t believe what she says, but she is ruthless and won’t stop. She is the meanest person I have ever met in my life. She has even gone as far as sending letters to everyone, spending hundreds of dollars sending anonymous letters to people, in order to spread more lies about me.
Now that I know she is a true sociopath, I refuse to have anything to do with her. I would never let her harm my children, or even have them know such an evil person. How do I keep her away from me? Why doesn’t she just focus on her husband and her children since they are all so messed up and just as evil as she is? If she hates me so much, why doesn’t she stop doing things to get my attention?
July 26th, 2010 at 21:22
I wish I could just sit down and speak to you. This hits SO close to home.
I’ve been in such turmoil over it too. My family too also bought into my sister in laws lies. I always wondered how is it possible that they would even believe her. I could never comprehend it, and it has hurt me over and over and over. I have recently started talking to this person again in thinking that people would stop thinking the things they do of me ( which by the way I have no idea what has actually been said about me.
It must be bad though, because everyone in the family has treated me differently) I can’t even imagine the lies she’s filled their heads with, it’s really unbelievale to me. Oh if only we could speak….. anyways it’s been awful.) This person has actually even taken to using religion to manipulate, which works well on the people she’s been doing the manipulating too. My mother-in-law is a devout Jehovah’s Witness.
I wish I could just pour my guts out on everything I have to say. It’s been such a nightmare. I am a very timid, extremely shy ( social anxiety disorder runs in my family) and I have never really stood up for myself over the years, so now I find myself in the difficult predicament of talking with her again on FaceBook.
It’s so hard, she can be so nice ( btw- we used to be best friends, then I was able to distance myself from her, and now as of about 5 yrs. ago, she’s my sister in law just to give you a brief history) Do you have any advice??? Is being nice to her the only way to deal with her?? I am so conflicted.
Everyone uses the Bible on me. I feel like I’m the monster sometimes as I was raised Catholic and went to private Catholic school. I just need someone to talk to that understands.
July 27th, 2010 at 04:45
My apologies … I see that I’ve fallen way behind in my responses. Life keeps getting in the way of my PTSD, and all the other unique ‘gifts’ sociopaths bestow upon us.
I’m under extra stress right now from things that accompany a mortgage … like falling behind. I certainly fear homelessness more than I fear death.
I’ll try to get back to everyone soon.
Larry
July 27th, 2010 at 08:07
Erika,
I think that your sister-in-law is using religion to persuade others to believe her lies because she knows that you are religious, catholic, and so is your family, so that would make them all believe her. A true sociopath actually studies their victims for a while before they start their “attacks”.
She knows what to say to get people to be “on her side”. I know how you feel though because my sister has done that to me too. I am also religious and my sister knows how much my faith means to me. She always used to try to convince me that she believed in God sooo much so that I would stop and listen to her.
The reality is that if you truly believe in God, you could never hurt anyone, or be evil toward them – especially your own family. I don’t think they know what love is and I know they don’t know how it feels so they can’t possibly believe in God. I have chosen to stay as far away from my sister as possible simply because of all of the pain and heartache that she has caused me and my family. If I were you, I would completely distance myself from my sister-in-law and have very little to do with her.
You probably don’t want to lose your brother, so you are trying to just put up with her. But, you can have a relationship with your brother w/o having to talk or to deal with her. Just keep it short and simple with him because you know that he probably loves her. In time, he will most-likely be the one to come to you and tell you how much turmoil he is really in.
It has to be so difficult to be married to someone that is so evil. Keep your conversations with her very short, always tell her you are just so busy and stressed and can’t really talk to her or do anything with her. Don’t let her know that you are on to her because then she will just be ruthless in trying to destroy you (as my sister has done). Keep your distance…hope this helps a little.
July 27th, 2010 at 15:52
Thank you Bella for talking to me about this.
It is actually my husband’s brother. The family is so close to her and him. You see he has issues as well. He also lies a lot and has a criminal record of stealing. A couple of years ago everything hit the fan after she continually harassed me on Myspace. Somehow, she was able to twist everything on to me that really applied to her a million times over. When everything finally blew up, 2 days later, our hose was broken into and TV stolen.
The police officer thought it looked like a crime of someone who was mad at us. It wasn’t the typical burglary. The VERY next morning, we received a message on our answering machine from her husband. He accidentally called and our house and was actually saying to someone, :you know about the TV thing, was mad sounding and then Said Erika deserved it. We tried having the detective listen to the tape and he said it could get thrown out as hearsay. So we couldn’t even get help that way, totally unbelievable sounding, trust me, I know. Well it’s pretty bad when nobody in your family believes it, even when they know he’s a thief!! My husband is a wonderful man, never done anything like his brothers. I don’t even know how he came from the same family.
Anyways, we are now the outcasts because we don’t want anything to do with them and all they ever do is party. We don’t want to be apart of that, and it is then twisted onto me. My sister in law recently obtained a psychology degree by taking online courses. I read on a different site that this is also typical of a sociopath. She moves every six months to a year. She usually gets into places that she can live in for free. She has a couple of sisters who were foreclosed on and they moved out and let her and her family live there until they were kicked out. She is now a realtor again……..
July 27th, 2010 at 16:07
I’m sorry for all of the typing mistakes. I’m trying to get everything out and I’m not the best typist.
I’d love to talk to you some more though. It’s just crazy to me how they can all get drunk all the time (my mother-in-law doesn’t drink, she’s a Jehovah’s Witness but she is at all of the parties they have, usually football related), partying and then claim to be religious. I really saw such a change in my mother and father in law though. They said things to me you could never imagine. Cruel things, I never saw it coming.
It broke my heart…. And don’t get me wrong, I wrote things back to them, things that I had built up inside, but not like the things my father in law said to me. He even said a horrible comment about my kids going to a Catholic church and what could happen to them there. I’ll never understand, but we are on good terms with them now. They did apologize and so did I. It’s just hard to forget things like that. That’s my struggle. I want my kids to know them. They love their grandparents and so do I despite these things. It was all brought on by her. There was a time when they saw through it.
The parents paid for her and their sons wedding. Later on, they found out it was a sham. They weren’t ever legally married after all, and basically the parents shelled out money for a big drunken party. They were furious at them for that, but they forgave them and now could never believe they could harm a fly. I think it mainly changed when she had their grandchild. Sorry for the rambling…..it probably doesn’t even make any sense the way I’ve been jumping from subject to subject. I just have so much to say, this is 10 years in the making….
September 14th, 2010 at 21:59
I am currently married to a sociopath – going thru a divorce with him.
I read, and re-read blogs, support forums, q&a’s, facebook, etc., but there is nothing one can say about how absurd a sociopath really is. It’s so easy to say “the have no empathy” but to understand & experience it is something entirely different. Imagine someone telling you the details he had on his McDonalds Cheeseburger, down to onions or not – before he even acknowledged you were in the room, much less your uncle had committed suicide the day before. Seriously, I got those details before he asked how I or the family was doing.
Ironically after years of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse it took this one moment of realizing how he had absolutely 0, and I mean ZERO empathy, and was totally self absorbed that I made my decision to get out.
I understand that is difficult to live with a sociopath. You are scared for your life, your future, your family, your existence. The cliche of “Breaking Free” is so true. The moment you take back your life, cut all ties, and move forward is a feeling like no orgasm can ever give you. Sorry for the sexual reference, but it’s the truest statement I can make.
To anyone reading this site, even if you feel like you are with a sociopath – RUN. Don’t Walk. All the thoughts of “he’ll change, he’ll be different” – your gut already tells you. LISTEN TO IT.
September 19th, 2010 at 21:46
The sociopaths I know tend to have a circular thinking process…an internal negative feedback system that seems to reinforce their violence and selfishness. They tend to see themselves as victims of the world…real or imagined so they want to destroy whoever comes in their path, and can justify their selfishness because after all “I’m only screwing over people who have hurt me so much!”
I’ve noticed that they can be aware of other’s behavior but absolutely lack any insight into their own. They often see themselves as saviors of the people they are hurting or using. Of course when they run dry of money, the “saviors” find someone else “to save” LOL.
Sociopaths tend to have self destructive habits in the extreme which is definately a sign of a lack of moral insight. People with minor self destructive habits such as smoking..etc. can come across as shady at times, but nothing in comparison to a full fledged sociopath who intentionally trys to portray himself as an angel of light.
These people just want to destroy, and in time it will take a toll on their own bodies and psyche. But no matter what happens…if they get cancer, it’s just another opportunity to get people to feel sorry for them so they can hit them up for something. I have seen this type of thing.
Yes, they are beyond help because of this circular thinking process … they think they are the victims!
October 1st, 2010 at 11:21
My step daughter is a sociopath.
For the last 2 years she had dragged us through her messed up life, and hurt us horribly. She has three wonderful children, and we loved them so much we put up with so much! Finally the father took the 2 girls, and we are trying to get custody of the youngest, a boy.
Fortunately, she has been unable to turn the family against us, everyone except her sociopathic mother is helping us get custody of him.
I just feel so bad, reading everyone else’s story, and I guess we are lucky, as our family could not be turned against us!
October 1st, 2010 at 11:58
Hi Kelley,
Thanks for the note.
You have no idea how lucky you are, and it’s best to keep it that way for yourself. I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done in my life, yet I’m a pariah. Most everyone in my family is paranoid of me speaking the truth, so to avoid the risk, they turned it around and have most people believing I’m a paranoid.
And who wants anything to do with a paranoid? They got their wish … I’m all alone in this world of shallow people.
Best,
Larry
November 19th, 2010 at 14:31
I have a sister who has blatantly lied and feigned different illnesses for years. People in the family have taken up my sister’s cause. She needed a liver transplant 3 years ago.
Now she supposedly has cancer and undergoing chemo. She never got a liver transplant. I understand they don’t give people who need a liver transplant, chemo, for they will die. Amazing recovery sis, or she is the only person on earth in liver failure for 3 years, undergoing chemo. She supposedly had 2 years to live. One year has gone by. I wrote my mother and let her know my sister is a liar.
My mom knows, for this has been an issue ever since we were kids. My sister has also deceived my aunt, a nurse, who didn’t see my sister at this point, mails me to tell me that she doesn’t think my sister has the 2 years the doctors said because of all her symptoms. My sister looked on the net for symptoms and side effects and parroted them to my Aunt, who had the audacity to tell me how bad terminal cancer is. I didn’t need a nurse to tell me terminal cancer is bad. My mom had cancer 3 years ago and got a lot of attention. My sister wants that attention! My mom sent everyone on the planet an e mail about saving her daughter, and when my mom wanted me to join the insanity, I said my sister is a liar. That was months ago.
I got pissed at that proclamation that my daughter has cancer. Well I guess i will never win. When she is alive and well in 10 years, she will have made a miraculous recovery again, and prayers have been answered. Because she was never sick! I know that when she made to be a liar, a lie would have become a truth, for they can’t admit she lied.
They need to save face and make this lie become a truth. With me excommunicated from the family, she can do anything! I have no way to contact my family. I have to leave this whole sick business. I have to cut my family loose forever. I did love my mom however. I have to let my mom go also!
November 19th, 2010 at 16:15
OMG Thanks for this site.
I thought i was going mad but maybe i’m not. I took in a lodger earlier this year due to personal circumstances and he fitted the bill very well. He was so nice, interested in me, etc., but then things slowly changed. He started taking control over the house. He’s always late with his rent. I have to beg and he seems to enjoy this. There have been so many incidents that I cant write about them all but here.
I bike to work and someone reported me to the police for having no lights. I was making conversation with him and he just smiled and said you would be really screwed without your bike … next day it had 3 tire punctures.
He’s moved his gf in now. I don’t know how he managed that one but he told me the other week, while we were arguing, how much he hates me. He was screaming all kinds of abuse, like laughing because i have no parents anymore. All of his sentences start with “If I were you” or “we could” or “how about” … key factors in manipulation, I believe.
He doesn’t speak of his family. He said he had a traumatic childhood. I feel so helpless because when we argue, he makes it all like it’s my fault. Then i feel so bad since there’s so many other things i find myself doing to please him. He scares me. He tells me he knows a hit man. I’m so confused. I’m not sleeping well, so any advice would be helpful, thanks.
November 19th, 2010 at 18:54
Jenny, I first need to address the format in which you submitted your comment (translated above), and why it took two months to appear. As you can probably see, I moved many of your words, corrected the grammar, fixed the spelling, added punctuation, made complete sentences, and deciphered your abbreviations. You just used your one-and-only fix-it coupon. Making it difficult to simply read will keep people from responding.
Now, my response: it would seem to me that you need to evict your renter and not select another based on a personal interest: “He was so nice, interested in me, etc.”
You as a landlady are running a business. To me, you made yourself vulnerable, and he took advantage of it. In doing so, you lost control. Then, you lost your business relationship, and began bickering as if in a personal relationship. I would bet you did not have a renter’s contract signed by both of you. Without that, he can take advantage of you much easier, and it will be much more difficult to evict him if he refuses.
Get rid of him (give him a written 30-day notice), find yourself a good renter’s contract (on the Web, office supply stores, etc.) and make sure it covers the worst case scenario for any possible situation. If he makes regular threats, have a recorder on you, then take it to the police.
Keep your relationship purely business. Run a background check — it’s not very expensive, and can be done on the Web. You do not want to allow someone to move into your home if they’ve been incarcerated, or it shows that they do not pay their bills.
Good luck.
November 23rd, 2010 at 18:29
I have an older sister who has made my every moment in my life an embarassing, hell wrenching, and overwhelming time.
She is the pretty tall wholesome looking freckle faced blonde who modeled, finished university and she can do no wrong in our family. Makes sure everyone is on her side, conniving, compulsive liar, and clearly I have hit the point where I am incredibly terrified of her. ive let go of all my thoughts and excuses for her like everyone in the family continues to make of her just being “depressed but slightly maybe bipolar…just most likely depressed.”
The entire family lets her walk around like a queen and annihilate my character due to the fact i was always the weakest in the family at standing up for myself, and because i got in trouble with the law at a young age…easily makes me into appearing like the over-sensitive, short-fused, ill tempered girl.
This has weighed on my heart and my confidence for too long now… and i am so hurt that this is how my sister is. Im tired of the “shes just insecure and depressed” rebuttals from everyone in my family when they explain why she is so sabotaging and cold hearted and mean towards me. The reality is, she is 30 now…. she has had everything handed to her. and im tired of the depressed excuse. She is a university graduate with a boyfriend, lives in Florida, and is a teacher.
There are no other excuses i can give myself anymore other than she is a sociopath. And what hurts the most is i know i need to remove her from my life, and I’ll be blamed by the family for the rest of my life. Sociopaths are incredibly dangerous, and will quickly bring you back into a ball of depression in the peaks of happiness.
December 20th, 2010 at 16:42
@Bonnie – It is very hurtful to have a family member, especially someone like an older sibling (who should be caring and supportive) turn out to be plain mean, and have some kind of mental disorder. I know it can be depressing, but it’s the cards you’ve been dealt in life – sibling(s) with a mental disorder. You’re not alone.
I’m not a doctor, but I’ve concluded that one of my older sisters is a sociopath – it’s a pattern of behavior that she has had from childhood – stealing, setting fires, constantly bouncing checks, stealing her best friend’s boyfriend and becoming physically involved and engaged to him (they broke up later), vandalizing and ruining an ex-boyfriend’s car because he broke up with her – she is an absolute control freak, and a master manipulator.
All of her life she’s had financial troubles due to overspending, and until they died, she has taken money from my parents when she was overdrawn or when she needed a down payment for a house (for the record I did not ask or receive financial assistance from my parents). She has stole money and other things from all of her places of employment, and has never gotten caught. She says that “image is everything” – the most important thing in her life. She has spent thousands on plastic surgery, clothes, hair styling, etc and she is very attractive. She stole my entire inheritance (I never received a dime), taunting me that ‘the money’s all gone and there’s nothing you can do about it.’
She spews the most verbally abusive language imaginable when trying to control someone, or venting her unpredictable rage. She physically attacked me and broke items in my home when I told her I would have to get an attorney involved to find out what happened to my inheritance money – she went on an abusive rant saying I was greedy and a loser and I was worth nothing. I am afraid she would kill me if I went for legal recourse on my stolen money. She has spread vicious lies that people believe because she is so convincing to her circle of disciples.
She went bankrupt recently and rents a beautiful home that she wants everyone to think she owns. She tried to intimidate me into taking out a loan and get some credit cards against my home to give her money, and when I said no, she went on one of her smear campaigns against me. She also has the predatory look in her eyes when she’s scoping someone out to use…it’s really scary. Right now she is looking for someone to co-sign on a loan to buy another house…and she’s got that look in her eyes…She will stop at nothing to get what she wants and has no qualms about breaking the law or destroying people in the process.
My advice – Have a circle of friends and support entirely separate from her. Surround yourself with kind people who are nice to you. If you live in the same area as the sociopath, don’t go to the same doctors, schools, church, etc. They will only use what ever you have in common (that includes family) to control, use and abuse you, and they will have nothing but contempt for you when they throw you in the trash. They will use embarrassment and humiliation to keep you vulnerable and silent. Stay away!
Have firm boundaries. You don’t have to have them at your house because it’s Christmas. You don’t have to stay at their home when you visit because it’s “family”. You don’t have to kill yourself making dinner for your sister when she’s treated you like a door mat. Neutral territory is best, like a coffee shop, to meet. Or if they are still abusive, don’t meet at all. Family is supposed to be supportive and kind, and not abusive and spiral you into a depression.
These socios will always have a circle of friends/family people who are their “disciples” – stay away from them as well.
The socio will never change. Be careful on this one, because as abusive as their behavior can be, their strongest playing card is what a victim, poor poor me, they are. You might get the sweetest phone call out of the blue, when your guard is down, and unwittingly agree to meet and get caught back in the web of their power plays and deceit. ALWAYS have your guard up and remember who you are dealing with – they won’t change!
Lastly, and this is most difficult – don’t let these self-centered abusive cardboard personalities get you into a depression – do everything you can – make extra efforts – to be kind and healthy to yourself.
Don’t feel bad – I had to go out of town over the holidays because my sisters were coming in town – I had to leave to avoid them! My holiday was great, though, I was with the people who are kind and love me, and there were no lies, abusive behavior, etc. Living well is the best revenge.
ps For the record my parents were very kind, reliable people and perhaps their only fault was always bailing out my sister (I remember my mother saying she would not let me sister go to jail) from her impulsive massive overspending, but I think they were afraid of her instability and rages, too. I really think that if it weren’t for the fact that my parents were so nice, she would be a killer or in prison by now.
December 25th, 2010 at 01:56
@ps: thank you for doing such a great job of addressing Bonnie’s comments. I’ve been ‘away’ for a while.
Having real friends is so very important. Around the beginning of December, and very unexpectedly, I lost a true best friend. A German Shepherd I rescued in 2006 became paralyzed, and with just a four-day warning, I had to let him go; he went peacefully and painlessly. The diagnosis was a neurological disease.
He was the most vicious dog I ever rescued, as he had been abused, neglected, and dumped in the woods to die. He was likely 3-5 years old when I got him. He was also a pure-bred German Shepherd — GSDs are fairly easy to tell.
People would have considered him mean, as he growled, but he growled because he thought all humans were mean. Over a period of months, I successfully convinced him we weren’t.
He began to trust everyone, even strangers when we were out, and savor in the attention and affection he received. He was extremely intelligent and loyal, and became my shadow. He became so gentle, that to wake me up, he’d give me a kiss.
I recommend that every victim of a sociopath rescue a big dog, at least two-years old, shower it with love, and in time, some of that sociopath-driven fear will go away. Dogs know bad people, just like they know good ones.
One of a dog’s additional senses is that they never forget an individual. Never, even after years. If your dog senses someone giving you trouble, he will respond immediately, but then, he will always be on guard with that person. And besides protection, they will give you more in devotion and companionship than any human is capable of.
This is all very clear to me right now because of the huge hole in my heart. I’ve rescued dogs all my adult life (except when I was married and needed rescuing myself) and this is the first time I’ve had to euthanize a dog with virtually no warning.
I miss him very badly. I’m down to one female rescue who’s been with me since 1998. During those 12 years, she never lived alone, as she always had at least one other canine companion. She’s suffering, too.
I’ve never heard her cry before; but now I have. She even sleeps on his bed.
December 25th, 2010 at 09:11
What a coincidence. Just put my Belgian Sheppard down. His name was Waffle. Had a heart of gold. Always listened to me, stood by my side, and never put me down like the rest of the family and their crooked attorneys. Miss him like crazy Larry. He truly was my best friend. Rescued him about 8 years ago. He had bad hips, and the winters here are brutal. He went in peace. Your not alone my friend. Hope all is well Larry.
January 17th, 2011 at 20:59
My heart goes out to all of you, who are dealing with these terrible circumstances. My situation is not as nearly as bad as some of your situations, but I was hoping that someone with more experience could give me some advice.
I work in an environment controlled completely by my sociopathic boss. There are about 20 people in the company, and everyone except for me and one other co-worker are 100% (quoting the terminology in the above article) “disciples” of the sociopath. My colleagues are his manipulated slaves, and will defend and praise him until the very end of their lives. (literally, as some of my colleagues have been working under him for 20 years or more!)
This specific sociopath is extremely intelligent, and is obsessed with his control over in the office place, and also controlling personal lives. I have been slaving away in this hostile environment for 2 years, because of the bad economy, and will finally be free in 5 months when I move overseas, and put this behind me.
However, even though these poor souls are now his disciples, it still hurts me to see them suffer in that environment. Is there anything I can do to make the next 5 months easier for me, and to help my colleagues after I am gone? I have been trying to think like the sociopath, in order to understand how it’s mind functions.
What I generally do to help my colleagues is to put an idea in their head, that there are “other opportunities out there”, and “other people work in better environments”. Basically, just making suggestions that they would not run and report back to him (yes, they spy for him!). This seems to have worked in the past, as several people have quit in the last year the second they found another job. Is there anything else I can do?
Thank you very much in advance for any suggestions, and I wish you all the best!
January 18th, 2011 at 15:20
Matt,
Don’t be a hero. It’ll only take saying one thing suspicious to just one person, and he’ll be on to you. He’ll likely get the disciple to play along, to find out more about your knowledge and what you’re spreading.
Unfortunately, those “poor souls” made their own decisions, and are on their own. You have little, if anything to gain. Stay low until you leave. Be safe.
February 1st, 2011 at 02:21
Thanks for the site. I now know who my mother really was.
I found this site surfing about parents stealing inheritances. Yep, she stole mine and I have proof and contacted a lawyer as much good as it will do. She was judged incompetent and I’m finally making sence of the anger and frustration from being her son.
She really screwed up my life and family while I took care of her for the last 20 years. I’m torn because I believe it’s an illness and she’s not responsible there’s nothing I can do that would change anything.
But now I know that she definatley is a sociopath to the max.
Thanks for the site and all the comments. I always knew there was something very wrong with her.
Rocky
March 15th, 2011 at 06:15
Rocky,
Sorry for my delayed reply. I know the anger and frustration all too well. I’m fighting a similar battle, yet I don’t believe there will be any retribution. I hope better for you.
March 25th, 2011 at 13:29
Wow! All this sounds so familiar! I have delt with TWO sociopaths in my life. One female (a former friend) and one male, a sibling. They are a lot alike.
It seems the females also like to go after you themselves with their entourage while males like to “recruit” others to do their dirty deeds while they sit back and laugh. It sucks and I know exactly where you are coming from as I am currently dealing with a family situation.
The rest of my family are ignorant and has no idea how dangerous a sociopath really is.
May 14th, 2011 at 08:23
Matt,
I think that you are a wonderful person, but as Larry said; don’t be a hero. Those people made a choice, it is not up to you to save them. You have something that your boss does not have: a conscience! if you still want to help, try being friendly to your colleagues.
After you leave you can let him/her know how well you are doing (from a far distance of course). Seek the one that spreads the word, maybe you will inspire some people to take a chance as well. Nut, my best advice for you is to run and leave it all behind.
June 7th, 2011 at 11:56
I am so glad I found this page, it really makes me feel less alone. My sister is a sociopath and I just figured it out about a year ago, finally put 2 and 2 together. She is 28 years old and just got married for the second time in 3 years. She has endangered my children and tried to get them to lie for her on several occasions.
My parents refuse to see the evidence of her behavior and believe every last lie she tells. They stand beside her and act as though she needs “protection” from me, which is LUDICROUS. I honestly just quit talking to her last July, I tried to have a meeting with my other sister and parents about her behavior and possible mental issue but they refuse to see it. It is very frustrating. I did not attend family holiday gatherings this year because I am refusing to be around her for my sanity and my childrens well being.
I guess I am lucky because for the most part my extended family can see right through her, she has hurt many of them. We just celebrated two huge family events, a graduation and a wedding. To both of them my mother, father and other sibling walked in with my sociopath sister and her new husband, sat with them, and refused to even talk to me while she was there. They barely spoke to my children. So thankfully my extended family knows what is going on, because I am sure to most people it looks like I have done something wrong and they are against me. It is SO frustrating and causes me SO much emotional pain and suffering. I feel like because I have chosen to not be around a sociopath I have lost my mother, father and good sister.
I have friends who keep saying, well eventually they are going to figure it out, but I really do not feel optimistic about that.
July 27th, 2011 at 22:26
OMG, I am so happy to find this site…..I have a brother that I believe is a sociopath….he has been a liar and manipulator since early teens…he is actually my half brother, my dad remarried. I am 61 and was a young teen when my dad had 3 more children…so over the years I saw this behavior blossom.
Fast forward to the present, after years of verbal abuse from my brother and watching him kiss up and manipulate my parents….I finally stopped speaking to him about 6 years ago….his wife finally left and divorced him for the same reasons….she just could not take the verbal abuse…..and of course when she left him my parents had nothing but horrible things to say about her.
I had to speak up and try to tell my parents the truth…..but to my surprise….my parents said they don’t want to hear anything bad about their son……which is what they said to me when I told them why I wasn’t having anything to do with my brother anymore.
So right now because I spoke up about my brother……I am now out of the will……it’s just amazing to me…and of course hurtful that parents make the choice to be blind….or better yet…make the choice to not see.
I so understand the emotional highs and lows that people can go through when you have family members that are so mean and evil…this has been so hurtful to me…..I had to get myself back together and move forward in life….so I disconnected from my dad….I am mentally trying to reassure myself that I am not the bad person…and even though no one in my family will talk to me, or believe anything I say….I take relieve in conversations with my x-sister-in-law…she knows the truth….
It is all so sad that my parents don’t want to hear anything bad about their son, especially late in life, my dad will pass away with the thought that I am a trouble maker…..
My prayers go out to anyone that is dealing with a family member that is a sociopath…..and thank you for having this site !!!!
I am certain that it has helped others !!
July 28th, 2011 at 19:43
@Ann…..I also speak to my sisters ex, I feel like there aren’t a lot of people who see a sociopath for who they really are, and I agree it is for my own sanity that I talk to him. The really sad thing is, while we are emotional distraught by the mess that has become our family, our sociopathic siblings could care less and have lost NO sleep over it. Hang in there.
July 29th, 2011 at 14:54
Hey-just wanted to say thanks for the site.
I’m working in the entertainment industry, and had dealings with a sociopath that left me with major career and reputation damage. this guy acts exactly as you described: loved by everyone, does volunteer work, the perfect person..until he gets a few drinks in him and no one else is around except “his people”, then the dark side comes out. we shared an agent, this person and I, and strange things began to happen.
agents got very hinky with me; they started to (literally) question my identity, birther-style, while, coincidentally, this guy was doing exactly the same thing. crazy rumors about me surfaced, while, coincidentally, this guy was asking me questions that dovetailed with those rumors. there was definite linkage, and this guy was behind the whole thing.
he wanted me to sell weed for him; he gets it from oregon, and wanted me to mule it down to L.A. for him (major weight). he’s an extreme right-wing republican, I’m a black independent. race, I think, has a lot to do with why I was his target. recently found out (this is after I ended our friendship), that he was telling people I was his sidekick, not really a friend at all. that agent dropped me, and my rep is in tatters all over hollywood, and this guy is at the center of it.
the real question is, how do you stop someone like this, without going extra-judicial?
July 29th, 2011 at 15:28
Thanks Christina:
It was when I finally realized the very true fact that you mentioned…..the sociopathic siblings don’t care and in fact they feel power because of the control that they have over the situation……they have lost NO sleep over this…..
When I made that realization……I was able to disconnect….when I read blogs like this one…..I am validated. Joy to you.
July 29th, 2011 at 18:01
I have 2 sisters who are lying, manipulative, miserable freaks who use their every waking moment to create havoc in the family. One is certainly a sociopath – the other just a pathetic drunk, but they support one another in a twisted drama that casts them as virtuous saints, victims of my alleged sanctimony. It was always there, but its worsened over the years, especially after our mother passed away. It began to deteriorate when my mother became sick with terminal cancer.
The doctors told us she had a few weeks but Mom decided she wanted to try anything. There was no chemo that would cure her terminal cancer and radiation could only shrink her tumours. She decided that she wanted to try alternative medicine, with the radiation. Through extensive research, I discovered a clinic in our town that had could results with simple treatments (nutrition, counseling, herbal remedies, etc). Nothing crack-pot and nothing dangerous. They didn’t promise cures and they didn’t even charge (we are in Canada, and at the time, the clinic was attached to a hospital looking at alternative and complementary treatments for cancer, alongside the usual medical practices).
As sisters we all agreed we would care for our mother on a rotating basis, with a homemaker taking care of the housekeeping, etc. We all agreed Mom would move into town, my daughter got her an apartment overlooking a beautiful park. Well, it all changed once Mom came to town. My sisters and their daughters wouldn’t look after Mom as agreed (though one sister would on occasion and with great fanfare so everyone would think she was so wonderful). That was wrong, but if that was what they wanted, fine. But that wasn’t enough for them.
They told other family members (brothers, sisters-in-laws, cousins, etc) that I was denying our mother chemo (though my sisters were in the doctor meeting where the oncologist told us all there was no chemo cure and in fact the chemo would reduce Mom’s quality of life and Mom was clear she didn’t want chemo). They told the family that I was keeping them for caring for Mom, even though I begged – literally begged them to relieve me so I could get sleep, get back to my work, see my family, have a break.
One sister showed up over thanksgiving drunk, and told my husband that she couldn’t wait for the old lady to die. In fact, that same sister called our mother one day and told her to “die already” (I was there – my Mom went all white and started to cry). Of course my sister denied it later and told others I lied about her saying that. They did everything they could to make my mother miserable, when it would’ve taken them less time and energy to simply sit with her and talk.
I gave her enemas, found her an alternative medicine that allowed her to eat somewhat without vomiting, took her to her radiation treatments, took her to touch therapy, took her for walks by the ocean, sang songs, remembered good time and dreamed about the future when she got better. I would plan dinners and no one showed up. I would ask for help with buying or donating a few items and nothing. And I’m only giving a very brief account of the many ugly events.
So, Mom lived almost a year and at one point the doctor said he couldn’t believe it, her tumors were shrinking and breaking up. But that wasn’t good enough, they had to step up their evil, ugly ways and the tumors grew and Mom died. At the funeral many of Mom’s friends came up to me and told me that me and my brother (who cared for Mom out-of-town) were the only 2 she could rely on that last on and the only 2 she felt unconditional love from.
I tried to keep somewhat friendly with one of the sisters (the one who at least showed up) but gave up after a few years. There was another sister as well, but she has manic depressive issues, so she had a reason for being unreliable and she tired to help in her own way.
So fast forward a few years. Yes, I became a little sanctimonious but only after years of being shunned by everyone and the various whispers (as well as my daughter and husband). I gave up a year hoping Mom could survive for all of us and our families. She was a kind, fun grandmother and a good mother. Yes a little quirky and erratic, but we were her life and she didn’t drink or run around (she was a single parent as our Dad was often away, had drinking issues and died youngish from drinking).
She wasn’t abusive or mean. The only thing you could say is that she was emotionally needy as she got older, but no more than other people’s moms. It seemed they blamed her b/c we were poor growing up (mostly we were on welfare) but she worked hard, we always had food on the table, the house was always clean, she was always happy and she liked being a Mom.
At some point the sociopathic sister started to rear her ugliness. Despite their campaign to discredit me and marginalize me in the family, people still liked to hang-out with me, especially the nieces of my brothers. I’m respected in our community because I work hard, I’m ethical and “kind and unassuming” (as someone said to me one day) and I’m respected in my profession. And I still wanted to be a decent sister, so I managed to get the sociopathic sister a job (even though she was always talking about herself and everything was about her) but I felt sorry for her in some ways.
In my field I was asked if I could recommend someone for a pretty good opportunity. I gave the people a number of names, including my sister, who I told them was my sister. long story short, they hired her based on my recommendation. (though at some point they did question her ability and I lost some credibility with those people. But Mom also asked be to help that sister if I could). So despite the rocky beginning, my sister managed to forge a mediocre career. But that wasn’t enough.
The whisper campaign was stepped. Family who were friendly stopped being so. But, I have other friends and family who are connected and so whatever. It is hurtful but I’ve been there before with them. But about a year ago one of my nieces said that the two evil sisters where planning something, as if a warning or perhaps a threat (that niece is their camp and is a drinking companion to the drunk sister). So the result. the sociopathic sister is sleeping with the CEO of a company that I have successfully done business with for years and years. I now no longer have any business with them. And I’ve been told from insiders that it might get worse.
My sociopathic sister tells people I’m just jealous of her success (though I am very successful so what is to be jealous of?). It hurts to know that she has deliberately caused so much damage in my career after I gave her hers. There are other things, but I really just needed to say this. I’ve been holding onto it for years. I saw a counselor for a time and he says that I have to get out of their pattern of victim and/or oppressor (my sociopathic sister plays the victim very well).
She lies to her husband, to her daughters and son, to her colleagues, to the everyone. If she put the energy she does into lying and playing games into actually developing some talent she would be a lot further ahead than using games, sleeping around and parading a rather shallow take on the world. And I’m not the only one – she is also on a campaign against anyone who has crossed her, disagreed with her, etc over the years. It’s as if she thinks that if I do something well it is just to make her look bad.
Well, that is all I can say right now. It hurts but I’m trying to find that other path, not the one that has been played out in my family for too long. Good luck to all of you who have to suffer through the ugliness and cruelty of their family members. I wish you light and beauty. I know it is real.
July 31st, 2011 at 04:26
Hi Sean,
You’re welcome … I’m glad it helps put things into perspective.
How do you stop someone like that? It would be extremely difficult, if not impossible. Going the legal route can make it even worse. Being under oath means nothing to these people.
The first thing you should do is remove him from your life. Change your phone numbers, move if you need to, begin associating with people who do not know him … in essence, start over. At first, it may seem overwhelming, but as he loses the ability to contact you, things will begin to ease. He will move on to new targets.
Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer. The more you increase your knowledge, the stronger you become. Many of the comments on this site provide excellent insight from other people’s perspective. Believe in yourself and take one day at a time.
Hang in there. It may get worse before it gets better.
July 31st, 2011 at 07:45
Hi Ann,
I’m glad you found this site, too. I couldn’t agree with you more about the impact from family members suffering from ASPD or NPD. Discovering that those we should feel the closest to are lying to us and about us, using us, and targeting us. Then on top of it all, the blind followers in the family believe their lies and turn their backs upon us, too. Very shallow and gullible people.
I have lost all my family and many of my friends, and I don’t expect any change during my lifetime.
Thanks for sharing your story.
August 15th, 2011 at 03:13
No offense but making a web page to defame somebody’s character is a behaviour I personally would not condone. Don’t lower yourself to this girl’s level. If she is a negative influence in your life, then cut off contact. I’ve wanted to get revenge against an abuser, but I find that absolute severance of contact is the only way to liberate yourself from harmful influence. Geographic distance is a blessing. Also, google has a cache service that makes a backup copy of every website that shows up in a search, so if someone searches your website in google, even you, then it gets backed up.
August 15th, 2011 at 06:22
First off, I’m not easily offended. You accused me of “defaming somebody’s character” but character defamation is what psychopaths do. And if I actually did defame someone’s character, who specifically would that have been?
I am not lowering myself to “this girl’s” level, as you proclaim … what is this girl doing that I am replicating? And just to clarify, I’ve cut-off contact with all included characters many years ago.
I appreciate your opinion, but lets cut to the chase. I do not know enough about you to determine what your knowledge base is. Then there’s that issue of normal people. The fact is that there is no such thing as a normal person, we are all wired differently but still mostly get along.
Therefore, the way you would tackle a specific issue has zip to do with how I would accomplish that same task. Who’s to say which one is right and which is wrong. I’ve modified my strategies several times based on previous experience, by fine-tuning and tweaking.
As many psychologists suggest that keeping a daily journal can be a very effective means by which to accelerate one’s recovery. That’s all this: it’s my journal that I write online instead of in a notebook. So in retrospect, if I were to start this all over again, I’d do very little differently. It’s been very successful for me, and helped many others.
With my method, I’ve pieced together far beyond what I ever had imagined.
And in closing, web page archives began in the late 1990s. For a person to find an archived page, they would need to know how to find the current page, too.
PS: It is required to use a legitimate email address when posting … our security and your privacy is a top priority. I have your IP address and country of origin on record. This will be your one free pass. Please use required information next time or I’ll be forced to blacklist you. You can’t get notified of a response to your post without a real email address.
August 18th, 2011 at 22:47
I can sympathize with each and every one of these stories as I can relate to nearly all. One thing I’ve discovered, it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve been burnt by these people, they will still pull the wool over your eyes, again and again.
I am 42 y/o, and consider myself well versed and experienced in the field of psychopaths and sociopaths. I am currently studying psychology after being in various relationships with sociopaths. I can only say that I am confident in my ability to recognise the warning signals early on, however that’s not to say that I won’t be burnt.. like my most recent experience.
Rather than go into detail, as many experiences with sociopaths are so mind destroying, that to explain the scenarios that have occurred, it would take countless pages to recount them. However this is my recount of the most recent. I am fairly new (18 mths), in the area and at the local school. I am also a private person and take my time in getting to know people. I don’t get involved in group dynamics and I don’t do the bestie thing. It takes time for me to form friendships with people, based on past experiences of being burnt.
I have come to discover recently, that I was considered to be a hard nut to crack, by one particular sociopath mother at the school. I had recently come out of depression from the loss of a family member, and I see now that she preyed on my vulnerability and took me under her wing. She is a ring leader type mum, who I never would have gotten involved with once upon a time, however the sympathy she showered on me, but not in pity form.. rather, constantly inviting me out, texting me niceties and sharing her so called compassion of my plight.
We ended up on a spiritual journey together, only to leave me disillusioned, hurt and somewhat damaged after a whirlwind 3 months of manipulation, deceit, lies, character defilement behind my back and stealing my very ideas and blatantly saying they were hers. These lies have only recently come out after she began an affair with another so called spiritualist, who during a so called healing, defiled my character leaving me with a blow lack of esteem and mild depression. I have only recently found out the lies she has told.. and they are enormous.
It explains why so many mums never made the effort to talk to or get to know me. Some would even blatantly ignore me, and well.. I never made the effort either, as she was feeding me little bits and pieces about them too. She had developed her affair with this “healer” before my knowing, and had fed him rubbish about me and my life, which led to him showing his charlatan ways, and stating that I try too hard in everything I do etc. This knocked me for 6, and now that I’ve since found out the truth, I cannot believe that I have been burned YET AGAIN, by a sociopath.
The point of this story is this.. it doesn’t matter how well versed you are on their traits, you just never know these people until you have actually experienced them. All I can say is, listen to your early gut instincts. If something doesn’t feel right in the beginning, listen!
The happy ending to this story is this.. sociopaths will always slip at some point on their egotistic rise to fame. All they need is a little hand up, and watch their downfall unfold. Due to this woman’s affair, which also led to finding out this “healer” is a predator, people have woken up to her ways through her promotion of him throughout facebook and other materials so she goes down with him. Unfortunately, like all sociopaths, she has her disciples that will stick with her throughout the end. These very people actually condone her unhealthy affair, with 3 little kids left at home. Unbelievable to watch, but very very real.
I agree with other hints from people that say, “don’t walk from these people.. RUN!”. But do it in a way that lets them think you haven’t seen through them, or they will set out to damage you more. Good luck to you all, God bless. Have faith, because good always comes out of bad.
August 31st, 2011 at 15:14
Hi Larry,
I just read this entry, and all the comments, and felt compelled to write yet another comment to your site.
My sister just pulled another on me. Although she waited 4 years to do it. I’m the guy who has a sister, a mother, and ex-bandmate, ex-boyfriend and 2 ex-bosses that are sociopaths.
My father passed 4 years ago this month. When asked if there was anything of his I wanted, I said I wanted his badge when he was a police officer in our hometown. My step-mother and all my siblings said fine. We couldn’t find the badge. When my 2 sisters and I went back to my step-moms to really go through all the boxes and things that she didn’t want, or was not allocated in the will, the badge still wasn’t found. I thought it was lost to history.
Last month at my nephew’s party, my younger sister (who is the sociopath) who hadn’t spoken to me for two an a half years came up to me and said ‘I have something for you, but I wasn’t sure you’d be here, so I didn’t bring it with me’. I thought it was a set up. “I found dad’s badge in a box I had…” At this point i did not react but just listened, as my other sister and my date that I had brought overheard this conversation. ”Do you live in the same place? I’ll mail it to you…” Then I knew it was a set up. It was like all the times she’d borrow things from me then threaten to destroy them or give them away while we were growing up, and even as a young adult. Even my brother did not believe she would send it.
About a month later a package appeared with the badge inside. there was no note, no nothing. And as always from any sociopath, there is NO APOLOGY… EVER…
October 25th, 2011 at 09:34
Hi i also need help with my sister she is going out with this chic and all the signs point to her being a sociopath. I never got it before i knew i didn’t like her and there was something wrong with her but i couldn’t pick it straight up untill a couple of weeks ago. I have been taken by a few people but it has only made me stronger. But for my sister she is really nieve and can’t see that she is being manipulated and played like a fiddle.
There have been a few incidences that gives me proof that she is trying to destroy my family and have my sister to herself. The worst part is that she is believing all of it.
My sister has been living with me for 3 years and this chic arrived on the seen 8 mths ago. She has tried to set up my brother by putting a needle in his friends house. In they babys room that was neally due and caused him to lose a 30yr friendship.
She tried to set up my niece by stealing my work licences and putting them in her room. Too bad we are so close that i knew it wasnt her and also she wasnt there the night they went missing.
I am not sure what to do i am not sure if she is violent i don’t want to OUT her in fear of revenge. I had to kick my sister out because this chic had a key to MY House and i have no idea what she is capable of.
The worst thing is i cant tell my sister what she is because she wont believe me. She has her so brainwashed that my sister thinks that i don’t do anything for her and i treat her like shit. Little does she really know that i have done alot for my sister. But the problem is now my sister is starting to believe all her lies and i am not sure what to do?
I want to save my sister and tell her what she is but it is too late she is already past the point of no return. I am scared she is going to lose everything she has been working hard for all these years.
PLEASE HELP HOW DO I MAKE MY SISTER REALISE SHE IS DATEING A SOCIOPATH!! please give me any tips on how to squash a sociopath and save a gentil sole.
Thanks in advance if anyone could help me please!
October 25th, 2011 at 17:59
Hi Larry, just wanted to say that I am fascinated, and at the same time horrified, reading your site. I came across it while trying to find out more about sociopathy. I got interested in the topic while watching the Casey Anthony trial. I could not believe how quickly the lies could flow from her mouth and how she seemed to have convinced herself that her stories were true. And right up until the last minute where she knew one of her stories would be proven to be a lie!!! My jaw dropped from the sheer nerve she displayed!
Anyhow, the reason I’m writing is to see if you’d ever heard of a website called the ExperienceProject.com (type in “I Am A Sociopath” at the Search prompt). I came across it during my searches and I found some of the stories to be quite interesting. I have to say I find MOST of the stories to come from scarred or unbalanced people who are probably not sociopaths, but there are some stories that shed some light on the way a sociopath thinks.
Some leave me with chills down my spine. I know most sociopaths would never want to be exposed in real life, but through the anonymity of the internet, they seem to like to “brag” about a trait which they feel gives them an advantage in life. I’ve found this gives me a bit of insight on the “enemy,” so to speak. Here is one example of a post that seems to offer some of that insight: experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Sociopath/1736813.
I honestly feel that I’ve not encountered too many sociopaths in my life. I guess I’ve been lucky but I am getting older now and worry about being taken advantage of. I figure that having as much knowledge on my side that I can will help me continue to avoid them (hopefully). Although from reading your site I gather that even the most intelligent can be duped.
So I’m just de-lurking to thank you for this blog, to wish you luck in your avoidance of all the sociopaths in your life and to ask what you think about the above website in giving insight to the sociopathic mind.
Oh, I’ve also read The Sociopath Next Door. Hopefully, I’ll be well-armed should I come across one of these soulless bodies.
October 26th, 2011 at 18:42
My mother, grandmother and two brothers are sociopaths …. I was abused as a child by a step father my mother knew about it and instead of doing anything about it she told everyone I seduced her husband ( It started when I was 9 continued until I was 14) she even told people I preferred OLDER MEN ….
My brother is a career criminal who has been in and out of prison biut my family treats him like he is a KING my other brother is a MOMMA’S BOY he is basically her main DISCIPLE and acyually carries out recon for her games ….she is a medical professional and so everyone thinks she tells only the truth SHE IS NOT CAPABLE OF TELLING THE TRUTH ..
I am scared , my life , my marriage , my finances have all been compromised she steals from her husbands family and blames it on me she lies to cover her dangerous behavior and the dangerous behavior of my brothers ….she has stolen and lied and framed me for it …my grandmother is in on it also co-signing everything she they say in a collaborative method to make me look crazy and to discredit me I fear I will soon be dead or incarcerated die to their criminal behavior ….
it’s amazing how they can rally a community against one person , she even said that she can get away with killing someone and the police would do nothing because they “know” her ans indeed she has many dr’s ,lawyers, and law enforcement that she regularly deals with and hangs out with ….its amazing
I FEAR FOR MY LIFE AND I FEEL IF THEY DONT KILL ME THEY WILL SET ME UP AND NO ONE WILL EVEN LISTEN TO MY SIDE
She has taken my children and now they will not speak to me ….my husband is now her DISCIPLE and I am afraid of him also
I am living in fear …HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE TAKE EVERYTHING FROM YOU AND SABOTAGE YOUR WHOLE LIFE ??
HELP …I NEED HELP ON HOW TO ESCAPE AND REGAIN MY REPUTATION AND LIFE / KIDS / CAREER
October 28th, 2011 at 16:41
Hi Cathy.
Thanks for your kind words
There are quite a few of sites where individuals claim to be psychopaths or sociopaths, yet few have convinced me. Sort of like you said, I believe the popularity of the “sociopath” brings out the potentially abuse, or just the egotistical who are out to shock those reading it, and get their fifteen minutes of fame.
The one highlighted story you included seems like it was coming from a fraud, or just one messed-up individual. Some of his “facts” were way off base.
I wouldn’t be so sure that you haven’t come across many sociopaths in you life. Most, by far, are not incarcerated. Those are the extreme cases. The far majority live amongst us. The theorized percentages vary widely to four out of a hundred, to 20%. Most are unaware of what they are dealing with. Most also suffer from other mental disorders.
I recently came across a blog of a self-defined sociopathic female. Her blog would be considered x-rated. She says she’ll answer any questions at all, so I posed an easy one: if she though there was any difference between a sociopath and a psychopath.
Her answer somewhat contradicted itself. I ask for clarification, but never received it. I then asked more personal questions: what makes her sexual desires any different that any other sexual being (she had already stated she was not into masochism, dominance or submission), and lastly I asked her if she could love any one.
Even though she was completely anonymous, and stated she’d answer any question, she did not answer any of my follow-ups. I became ignored. Her blog is certainly set-up for shock value. In case you’re interested, she can be found at: psycho-cunt.tumblr.com :: as I said her blog can be considered shocking and perverse.
October 28th, 2011 at 16:58
@ HELP
You sound as if you are surrounded. The best thing you can do is read as much about the disorder (such as throughout this site and others), increase your knowledge, and find yourself a good psychologist. I say good because some dont have any experience in psychopath.
When you select one, spend your first 1-3 sessions analyzing the analyst. Make sure you are a good match, and that the therapist understands what you are going through. If there’s anything that makes you question the therapist’s capabilities, go find another one. You don’t need someone telling you that you need to take part of the responsibility.
October 28th, 2011 at 18:18
Hi Larry, thank you for your reply and taking a look at that website. I hate to say this but you seem like an expert in this area and I really wanted to get your opinion on it. As you say, I think most of the stories are by attention seekers just out to get their 15 minutes of fame, even if it is from other unbalanced individuals.
After reading more of your blog you are most likely right that I’ve encountered more sociopaths than I realize. Scary to think that. I’ve worked with many bosses that sound like the therapist’s wife. No doubt, even people like your sister. I guess I’ve been lucky that they don’t pick me as their target. Usually, I’m quiet and mind my own business. I’m sure I seem like a downright boring individual to them!! (I really shouldn’t admit to that!) So I mind my own business and stay out of their way. In fact, I have been known to say to myself “stay away from that one” or “don’t get on his/her wrong side” a few times. Perhaps without even knowing, my conscience was warning me of a sociopath.
Anyhow, I’m going to check out that site you mentioned and continue to read all the entries on your blog. Some of them leave me speechless. I wish you peace and quiet in your life as quickly as possible!
October 29th, 2011 at 14:02
Hi Cathy,
Thank you. If you consider me an expert, it’s because I received my training in the worst possible way. I grew up being told I was a good-for-nothing, stupid, and was constantly physically abused. Throughout my childhood, I pretty much believed it. It was my dear beloved mother who gave me any hope.
Then at the age of 29 I got sucked in my a woman’s persona and married her … I thought it was love. At the time, I was ripe to be totally manipulated. And it passed to my kids.
Be careful, as you can always become someone’s target. They sweep you off your feet, whether male or female. They are so calculating and perform like an academy award winner.
Take care of your self. Again, thanks.
October 29th, 2011 at 14:18
@ Steve …
Your story sounds similar to one I have. My great-uncle had been knighted by the Pope. What was left from that event was the precious metal sword adorned with gem stones. It was gorgeous.
Whenever I visited my folks on the opposite side of the country, my dad would bring it out and tell me he wanted me to have it, and told me to take it back with me. Laughingly, I told him I didn’t think I’d didn’t think I’d pass with it as a carry on, nor would I risk checking it. I told him we needed to Fedex it. He brought it up every time I was there, but we never got around to shipping it.
When my dad died, my brother, the psychopath-executor said he had nothing in writing to give it to me, so he kept it for himself.
October 29th, 2011 at 23:33
Thank You for responding and taking the time to believe me , no one in my circle does and that’s the hardest part ,when people think all you want is “attention” all I really want is to be left alone and to live a normal life not being harassed.
I’m going to take your advice and find out as much as I can about what’s going on and how I can help myself ..Thank You very much; only someone who has been through this can really fathom what is really happening .
November 2nd, 2011 at 16:11
@ Help …
I fully agree that most people don’t have a clue as to how terrible a situation can become. Often, if you reach out to those people, they will in turn judge you as having problems, such as being “paranoid”.
Those are people you need to avoid, as you will most likely not be able to convince them otherwise.
November 2nd, 2011 at 22:07
@Larry – I agree that you can’t reach to most people in a common circle because the sociopath is so incredibly manipulative that the people are either groupies/disciples, or these people simply can’t fathom how crazy a situation is or what it is like to have a seriously mentally disordered family member.
I was going to respond to your comment that you said that you were a “pariah” in your family – and I had read that in some family dynamics, one person can come to represent all that is wrong with the others. In other words, you are a glaring reminder to your sister and ex, and whoever else, of their wrongdoings in life and their lies, breaking the law, etc because you are different and don’t engage in that kind of behavior. That is why there is a hostility against you (I have the same thing in my family). Just look at it like you’re one of the X-Men – you’re the mutant gene that escaped the craziness and disorder in your family.
I also read another site where one person said that they play the faux sociopath vis-à-vis to the real sociopathic sibling just to avoid confrontations – like, oh, I’m short this week on money, maybe next month (when being asked for a loan) I mean, you just end up in the craziest situations! Welcome to the looney bin!
Just putting some thoughts out there.
ps The holidays are coming up – time to go out of town again!
November 3rd, 2011 at 10:39
Disciples will be the ones who make hang-up calls to your home phone, and send unwanted taxis to your home. Disciples are the reason we cut off the psychopath in our lives.
We did not believe she would commit any acts of violence against us, but that she would have one of her disciples do it. These would be hard to spot, as we didn’t know who they were. Some were strangers she had recruited online. She also used children to do her dirty work. Yes, she got her grandchild to try to stab another one of her grandchildren. He almost succeeded, but was stopped by the child’s father, who ran across the room and grabbed the weapon.
The psychopath could easily have stopped this, as she was right there. But why would she, when it seemed apparent that she had orchestrated the whole thing? There is no limit to the evil of people like this.
November 5th, 2011 at 00:18
I still have not figured out exactly what it is that my husband “psychopath” in divorce/custody litigation with is telling tons of people.
I know that he is constantly setting me up and manufacturing situations to control and play his game of “Smoke and Mirrors”. I seem to lose groups of people at a time. I have been isolated from persons in the church of my former township when we lived there, he was able to smear my reputation to the persons that ran the daycare where our son went to, and now that I moved away from that town with my son he has relocated him self in the town next to mine and has become involved in the community and has played up to the many woman that are involved in my sons elementary school.
I am basically ignored at school events by the school, the principal, the teachers and even the PTA. My 6 year old son is experiencing not so nice behaviors from some of the children that he was friendly with last year and not having a great time this year. It is a nightmare for both of us, me and my son.
I have gone to a couselor to be able to better handle this type of person. My trial is still not completed but it appears we have joint custody and I was very upset with my attorney, this is not a workable situation. I still do not think my attorney gets that my husband is a sociopath and his lawyer is a “shark”, I was thrown under the bus for $35,000.00.
I am just venting to everyone here on the website and trying to figure out what more can I do to protect myself and son from this man (almost ex) with no conscience. Any suggestion or comforting thoughts? I know I rambled.
November 5th, 2011 at 01:00
@ Becca …
Their evilness and lack of morals is truly unfathomable. After I got full custody, my ex and her new hubby moved right down the street from me.
You may never know what is being said about you, and that’s the sad truth. I only have hints of what has been fabricated about me, and it’s been going on all my life. I hope you have a good therapist.
November 30th, 2011 at 14:50
Hi found this site after googling the words “My sister’s a Sociopath” and am I glad I found it.
I am 30 years old, my sister 10 years older than me. in normal circumstances she should be protective, genuine, helpful etc to me as I am her little sister but that is so far from reality. I don’t want this to be a really long post as nobody may read it and I really need someone’s advice because I cannot physically cope anymore…Basically my sister has bullied other members of my family all her life.
She is a good looking girl who was always popular with the boys and got everything she ever wanted in life which was rich men, money nice clothes and a beautiful house to live in. She married when she was 39. Her wedding day was the worst day of my life. I was her maid of honor and when I came back from getting my makeup and hair done she started fighting with me for no apparent reason. Throughout the day of her wedding she stuck her nails into me, scratched my arms and basically tortured me.
My 2 younger sisters also were bridesmaids and she had done the same thing to them. They are beautiful looking model-material young girls and it was my belief that she was envious of them that they may look better than she did and that was the reason for her behavior.. she fell around drunk at her own wedding and my mother never even flinched which made me want to cry with frustration. After her wedding me and my sisters distanced ourselves from her for several months. My younger sister’s wedding was taking place 1 year later and from the day my little sister received her engagement ring she started the most terrible rumors and lies about my little sister and her fiancee.
She spread rumors to our extended family that he was gay, that he was cheating on her with men and women, that his family were dangerous etc. She then went to my sister and told her that she wanted to get her engagement ring reset the same as hers and demanded her to go to the jeweler where she got her ring made so as to copy my little sisters. My little sister refused and she unleashed the worst form of abuse about my little sister to anyone that would listen.
If I thought what she was saying about her Fiancee was bad I was wrong – she began to destroy my little sister. The worst thing is that my mother took the sociopath’s side after listening to all the rumors and refused to go to my little sisters bachelorette party instead going to stay with my older sister in her house while my older sister continued to bad mouth my little sister. Things got so bad that my little sister got violently ill with stomach and anxiety problems. Eventually my little sisters wedding day arrived and things had cooled off a bit. The day of the wedding was like waving a red rag to a bull as she was so enraged that my mother did not try to cancel my little sisters wedding as she had begged my mother to do. It was crazy – why she wanted her wedding cancelled to us was a mystery.
my little sister sara had been going out with her fiancee for 12 years – my family, including my mother, loved the ground he walked on. Nobody could understand why she was making up all these lies about them. Eventually it was my turn to get married and then the worst started. I am married to the most fantastic gentleman anyone has ever met. Again, my family has known him all their lives and they adored him …until she began..she told my mother the most horrific lies about him (so bad that I cannot write the worst ones on here). My mother stopped speaking to me completely.
She called my brothers who I was so close to but who lived abroad for some time and she made up lies so bad about him and me that they too stopped speaking to me. I became very ill and ended up in hospital from severe anxiety and literally screaming from the insides that nobody wanted anything to do with us anymore and we had done nothing to nobody. Eventually my sister started making the mistake of telling these lies to people who were very friendly with my soon to be husband and they told me everything.
I sat down with these people and I told them lies she had said about them also in the past and so I was happy for the first time in my life that she was totally exposed. I confronted her one week before my wedding about the fact that she had turned so many people against me and she exploded with the worst rage I have ever seen. The morning of my wedding arrived and as I was putting my wedding dress on she burst in the door of the bedroom and started screaming – screaming so loud that all my little nieces began crying.
Some members of my family told her to leave but she kept screaming – telling lies that I had tried to break up her marriage, that I had spread vicious rumors about members of my family etc (EVERYTHING SHE HAS BEEN DOING ALL HER LIFE)! My mother stood back and said nothing – totally ignoring my sisters violent temper – and 5 minutes later I had to walk up the isle like nothing happened while I was trembling from the shock.
She went to the church and on front of the entire congregation wrapped her arms around my fiancee and told him how happy she was for him and that she wished him the very best of luck from the bottom of her heart! – after what she had just done to me in my house! She didn’t go to my wedding reception and instead began texting guests at the wedding that I hated them and I had said horrible things about them and that was why she wasn’t attending my wedding.
People began leaving the wedding that day on the premiss of what she was saying. My mother never looked at me on my wedding day and left mid way through. The following day the remaining members of my family and I had an intervention with our mother about our sisters behavior, her lies, her explosive temper and that fact that we were all terrified of her including my father – my mother would not listen even when we had to tell her to steer clear from her as she was saying terrible things about her too.
That was in July and since then my mother has stopped speaking to me completely, she believes my crazy sister and it is so bad that my mother has left our house and is living in a house that my sociopathic sister and her husband own and stay at on the weekends. My mother openly had said that I am to blame for splitting up our family and should never have confronted my older sister and “let sleeping dog’s lie”. I come from a large family of brothers and sisters. Since that has happened I told them all things my crazy sister said about them – things that were so bad nobody would believe.
My family is so tired of it that they don’t want to hear from me anymore, they prefer instead to just play along happy family’s with her because it’s easier to. I have not seen or spoken to my family since my wedding and all the time she continues to manipulate people and tell lies. Nobody will stand up to her and I am left out on a limp on my own and I just cannot handle it. I just have no control as to what she is going to do or say next.
December 5th, 2011 at 22:01
Hi Everyone,
I just found out after all of these years that the reason I used to get in trouble for things I didn’t do was because my sister was lying to my Mother. My Mother believed everything she was told and said to me “she was her snitch”.
I’ve always tried to rise above the horrible childhood I had. When I was 16 my mother packed me up and sent me to live with my father (who I only met the year before and spent one week with him). I just found out that my sister had lied to my mom and said I was planning to hitch-hike to San Francisco and that’s why my mom sent me there. It was devastating to me at the time to be put on that plane, I cried the whole flight.
My sister also told me constantly that my mom said these horrible things about me, that I was stupid and ugly etc. Now an old friend contacted me on facebook, it was an old friend of us both. She told everyone that this person was stalking her and now because I am friends with her on facebook, this friend has access to her and her kids etc. It’s a complete lie! Now my family isn’t responding to any facebook photos or remarks.
I don’t know what to do and feel like giving up on my family because they believe her lies!! It’s so hurtful because I always stick up for my family members when she bad mouthed them behind their backs but they don’t stick up for me. I know she’s very jealous of me and can’t stand for anyone to even give me 5 minutes of attention!
She has caused me such great harm over the years. Should I give up? I have so many other good people in my life and this is tearing me apart. My mother-in-law of 24 years adores me. What should I do?
December 8th, 2011 at 03:17
I too have ONE sibling who has for 35 years shown signs of sociopathic behavior. This sibling has bullied me severely and several times over the past 35 years. This sibling has had my children following like the sociopath sibling is GOD ALMIGHTY HIMSELF. and does no wrong.
For the past few years i have been so isolated from all my family it has made my life pretty unbearable. One of my chldren recently turned 40 and three times in one day picked up on the pack of lies my sibling has been telling on me.
My sibling had the goading gall to tell one of my children that I cashed in a life insurance policy of my only living parent’s for $15,000, that i cashed the check, canceled the policy, and that my sociopathic sibling had PROOF …. a copy of the check from the life insurance company that I signed ….. when my child came to me questioning me about all this, I took a deap breath and exhaled, then I said …. how does life insuance work? Can you tell me that? You’re 40 years old and you should KNOW the answer to that. Life insurance only pays beneficiaries when the insured party dies ….. has ANYONE died? No they have not. Further more, I have NEVER signed my only living parent’s name to any check of any kind. YOU TELL YOUR dearly beloved sociopathic aunt/uncle to PRODUCE that copy of the check I am to have forged my only living parents’ name on, it can not be done, for I never did that! The check has not been produced to this day and it never wil be.
A few days later my sociopathic sibling told the child follower that I borrowed $15,000 on my only living parent’s house and that my only living parent was having o pay the payments because I got the loan in my parent’s name. again I took a deap breath and exhaled …. I said why don’t you go to the bank president with your concerns and ask to see the bank tapes the day the loan was taken out …. you WILL NOT see me on any bank tapes commiting bank fraud or morgage fraud. Better yet, when you decide to talk to the bank take you dearly beloved sociopathic aunt/uncle with you!
I’m taking baby steps to get my children back on the same page with me and we ARE getting back to being family again, without my sociopathic sibling.
Over the past 35 years my sociopathic sibling has convinced our only living parent that two more of my siblings are super evil bad ass people and with some of the most horriffice horrible lies ever told, lies that can not be proved with paper documentation for they NEVER happened, the sociopathic sibling has managed to run those two siblings completely off from the remaining family. I however have NEVER let any family gossip or squabbles come between me and my only living parent.
i have in recent years reconnected with one of my isolated siblings and we have had many a late night brain storm conversation over pop corn and a movie in the privacy of our homes. I’ve been brave and bold and tactfull and asked many a question about many events that i did not understand and together we have uncovered the sociopathic siblings’ 30+ year history of sociopathic behavior and isolation tactics. We now realize that all the sociopathic sibling’s behavior has been for the sole purpose of taking EVERYTHING our only living parent has via manipulation and showing the rest of us that we an’t shit caue the sociopathic sibling IS THE ONLY ONE WITH MONEY and money means POWER!
My reconnection with one of the isolated siblings has brought on an eye opening experience and we have finally realized that WE TWO have been the slave children to our only living parent. All we have ever been asked to do we did with open arms and willing hearts and hands out of love and respect for our parent, while the sociopathic sibling has manipulated our only livig parent into commiting bank fraud, morgage fraud, and insurance fraud.
Our only liviing parent has been placed in a nursing home under the pretence of physical rehabilitation and getting to go back home. The sociopathic sibling the day after admitting our parent into the nursing home, changd the locks on the parent’s home, pilfered through the parent’s home, took bank statements, house deed, auto title and control of parents checking and went 180 miles back to their home and left our parent with no way to contact any of us for anything and no money.
Currently, my biggest fears are my sociopathis sibling making up Phony papers in an attempt to PROVE i’m guilty of all that I stand accused of, coupled with the fear that I may enter the nursing home to visit my parent ony to find that i have been barred from doing so, or that my parent has been taken out of state and that i will never again be able to give my only living parent a hug and tel them that i love them and worse yet …. not be allowed to attend my parent’s funeral.
December 9th, 2011 at 15:31
Dear Blacksheep,
Siblings are the worst of the bunch, except maybe parents. That’s no consolation, my understanding, but I really felt your agony when you described yourself as a slave.
They treat us as slaves. expecting us ABSOLUTELY to be just that.
I have walked away from the Parent and Sibling in my family. It took alot of courage to just face myself and realize that I am a
life. I am worthy! Worthy to live a happy, joy-filled life without their $hi+. It’s theirs, and they can sit in it.
When you reach the point of no guilt, no regrets yhou can walk away from these people, and continue on. Luckily for me Blacksheep I have no such entanglements as you. But some of you out there, you have choice! Choose You!
It is so hard, but so worth all the energy it takes to do that.
And for those of you still involved, realize you are in a war, and they take no prisoners. So arm yourselves with video and tape recorders, document every encounter. It’s alot of work, but you may save yourself one day because of it.
They never tire. Niether should you, unless you want to be a victim/martyr/slave to them as long as you or they exist. Don’t ever back down either, but remain calm. They create chaos. That is what they are best at. That’s how they wear you down. Find that strength – you know you have it. How many years have you put up with them? You survived this far. Go for the win. You have everything to lose if you don’t have that attitude. Especially yourself.
Now how scary is that?
Steve
Ps. Check out my previous posts elswhere on this sight…
December 10th, 2011 at 00:14
Steve,
Thank you for your uplifting message of heart felt encouragement!
I have a sister sibling who has been isolated from our mother and family for over 20 years. Just recently she and I began talking and spending good quality time together. We’ve had many wee hours of the morning gut wrenching discussions about a semi truck load of crap that has happened since about 1980′s. I have no problem being brutaly honest. I do not pussy foot around, I state things as I rember and see them. These two traits I possess have led my sister sibling and I to discover the tangled web of lies and deciet the sociopathic sister sibling has been weaving for about 35 years! We’ve seen patterns that began when sociopathic sister sibling was mealy 15 years old.
I’ve always heard it said that two heads are better than one. But this only holds true if those two heads are like minded people that are on the same page with one another.
I’ve tried for 3 years to get my children to see what the sociopathic sister sibling has been up to and I’ve pointed out lie after lie after lie to them. One of my children was lied to three times in one day by my sociopathic sister sibling and my 40 year old child finally caught on to it then admitted to me that I was right all along! What a glorious day that was!
It takes baby steps to get others to see the great divide and conquer scheme that the sociopath is attempting to accomplish.
That’s why I do not ever intend to allow the sociopathic sister sibling to slide on any lie they spread around about anyone ever again.
Because of the gigantic wealth of extremely useful information I’ve litteraly stumbled across here on this site there are now three members of my immediate family that have banned together in the war to save our reputations and to get my mother well so that she can go back home.
My major worry now is how far will my sociopathic sister sibling go to take me down? Will she produce yet another set of false forged faked insurance/bank/etc documents that I NEVER signed? Well …. I’ve given that some thought and my response will be …. let’s contact the bank and get video survalence tapes for the date that was signed, I never signed that. Let’s get a hand writing expert to take a look at that, I never signed that. I’ve never signed my mother’s name to anything. I’ve never written a check out of my mother’s account and signed it.
I’m ready to run with this as hard and far and long as it takes to bring the socipoathic sister sibling down to slave status where she’s kept my children, my sister sibling and me for over 35 years!
I’ve located spy cams/clocks/pens/sunglasses/etc and 32 gb sd cards to go with them via ebay for under $10.00 each and I’m arming myself and one of my children with them. We shall see if the liar wins this time.
Just remember this, Steve, your always in my prayers!
XO
Blacksheep
December 10th, 2011 at 02:42
hi larry.
i am married to a sociopath right now. i am stuck at the moment. my husband tried to put life insurance on me and kill me so he could be with his girlfriend. it is so crazy that i did not realize he was a sociopath for years. when i met him 16 years ago i was a happy, love life, type person. now i suffer with severe depression. i take an anti depressant, sometimes i can not get out of bed. i tried to kill myself once.
he lies to me about everything even when it makes no sense for him to lie. whats wierd is when i am around him i get this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, and i feel so down, so depressed. but when he is not around i feel ok. he has ruined my credit, and ruined everything i have ever tried to accomplish. he always makes fun of me and blames me for everything. he has cheated on me for our entire marriage and is still cheating.
i get scared sometimes that he might meet someone else that he thinks he can use and tries to kill me again. i do feel so hopeless. i noticed it is extremely important to him that people see him as a saint. he gets very angry if i threaten to expose the real him. i don’t want pity either but it is very comforting to be a part of this site.
one time he asked me if he could borrow my birthday money to buy pizza and mcdonalds for himself. he promised he would give me the money back but when he got paid he told me he was keeping my birthday money and putting it towards bills, which i already pay more than my fair share. i said to him but you did not pay bills with it, you bought yourself food. then he told me off. i was so hurt i just started crying. that is so low, how could anyone take their wife’s birthday money, like that. i could never do anything like that to anyone.
he has athlete’s foot and he will not treat it. my oldest son caught it and ended up with sores all over his feet, and he had to wear slippers for a week. my husband kept telling me, very rudely, that he never walks around barefoot. but for years i could not figure out why my feet were always burning and itching. isn’t it crazy how i believed him? for the past five years i have to spray the bathroom floor with bleach after he is done in the bathroom. i also have to spray the shower. my husband will not clean up after his athlete’s foot. it is so depressing.
thanks for the website
December 10th, 2011 at 15:39
Dear Jen,
Your post sounds like my first marriage! my ex had to be right about EVERYTHING! In the mind of my ex they were right up there with GOD and most of the time actually tried to convince me they were smarter than GOD or actually God himself.
You need to find a safe house and remove youreslf and your children from the home. You need to put a great deal of distance between yourself, your children and your sociopath husband.
Try and remember all the events surrounding the time he tried to kill you and the purchase of the life insurance. Collect any and all documentation or proof of this event with you and keep it in a safe place for reference later. Talk privately with a local police detective and take any and all documentation with you to every meeting with that detective.
From what you’ve written here my guess would be that he is attempting to get YOU to kill yourself so he will not go to prison for doing it himself. DO NOT fall for that!
This internet is a wonderful place! Try and locate a safe house out of your state with litterally HUNDREDS of miles between youself and this sociopath, take your children with you! DO NOT tell anyone of your plans to do this as SOMEONE might tell him and he would most definately harm you and possibly the children too! I know, been there done that.
Get your head screwed on straight and get a well mapped plan of action and get the hell out of there and take your children with you.
If he has had this behavior for 16 + years you can bet your boots he will never see the need for him to change.
If you do decide to get out, be very careful when leaving. DO NOT take large amounts of stuff out of the house that he will immediately miss. Box up stuff that can be quickly grabbed and taken at a moments notice. Stash plenty of cash where you can grab it as you leave. DO NOT use bank cards or credit cards when you leave, they are too traceable and he WILL find you. Clothes for two weeks, photo albums that are precious to you, birth records for yourself, your children, your marriage license, copies of that insurance policy, stuff all your documentation in a safe place away from the house so you can grab it and run. Have the detective make copies of everything to keep with him.
You’re always in my prayers!
Blacksheep
December 14th, 2011 at 06:51
This website has explained many situations, cleared up a lot of scenarios I have found troubling and I’ve even spotted several situations that match my own as if by design
@cathy the website you refer too seems fake and it seems to be someones attempt to play sociopath and then direct others to said website in order to insinuate another is the sick mind #just sayin, but besides from that the abundance of information I have gathered here is amazing !
I have found that when a sociopath knows where you have been on the web they will follow you and then spread their cancerous slander leaving you to look like a mental case
December 14th, 2011 at 06:58
I would like to say to everyone here, don’t worry every dog has his day !
Tricks don’t last always and even though it seems like the sociopath is getting away with it if you stay calm and pay attention you can gather enough evidence to bring them down …. evidence is what is needed
these people base eveything on someone else taking the fall they commit the crime and want someone else to pay for it its time these criminals do their own time and its time the hunted become the hunter and take back what belongs to them their reputation, happiness and life
December 15th, 2011 at 19:57
Sounds like my mother a supposed good Christian woman (not even close) and caring and kind mother and retired nurse, Florence Nightingale, if you will.
If people really knew the truth about her dysfunctional personality they would probably be aghast and find it very difficult to believe that she killed 4 of my pets with her bare hands, almost daily emotionally and mentally tortured me and my father who turned to drink and subsequently died of cancer (and guess who was administering the morphine when he was sick?), turned my father and me against each other and encouraged him to hit me with a strap…I could go on.
She has somehow managed to convince the rest of her family that “Poor ……” has such a hard life with an alcoholic husband and a uncontrollable daughter. She is quite literally insane and without a conscience or soul.
December 17th, 2011 at 16:16
Fiona, I am sorry you have had to endure such a horrible childhood. Mine wasn’t pretty either. Had a stepfather who was by today’s standards a pedofile and when my mother caught him after YEARS of me telling her, they solved the problem by sending me to my grandmother’s to live! I was 14 years old! That was heart breaking, knowing as they drove off that I would never again be allowed in the house I had called home, and that I would never again see my mother and siblings. After that day I rarely saw my mother or my siblings. My grandmother would not let my stepfather in her home without my mother being with him.
I had a long talk with my 40 year old son yesterday and explained to him how fortunate it was that I survived. Most children would have killed themselves, I did not, I struggled but I made it and I’m still here today.
The sociopath sibling; I have uncovered a trail of public records dating back to 1989 and found some forged papers which I know the sociopath sibling persuaded her disciples to put together. Sad part is they got the dates backwards! I also got certified copies of marriage license to PROVE who DID NOT sign the documents.
I’ve had POWER OF ATTORNEY thrown in my face the very last time. The sociopath sibling siter has wedged herself between my mother and I and stopped me from spending a quiet day with my mother taking her to her doctor appoinment and she LIED and got caught in her lie by the nursing home! I didn’t have to say or do anything!
God is great and if you’re REALLY REALLY GOOD …. He’ll let you watch!
My 76 years old mother informed me yesterday that sociopath sibling sister wants to apologize to me. I very seriously doubt that. I’m going to tell my mother my terms for this fake ass apology and they are as follows …..
I’ll make a list of ALL THE PEOPLE sociopath sibilng sister has told lies to and she can apologize IN FRONT OF THEM, all at the same time! IF she’s willing to do so, I’ll accept her heartless apology.
(I’ll not tell anyone this last part …)
Then I’ll give her a real good case of lettin’ alone for I will NEVER EVER associate with her again!
December 17th, 2011 at 18:29
That is very sad. It is amazing that children of these nutters survive. We are all living testaments to that! It just proves to me there is a higher force looking after us, gradually making us stronger.
It’s so hard dealing with these people. Part of you is just SO furious and part of you just wishes they would see how much pain they caused you. It’s taken me a long time to realise they are incapable of such a human act. It’s simply beyond them.
It is extremely difficult to extricate ourselves from their sick personality and the subsequent emotional reactions that keep us tied to them. But we battle on!
Larry’s advice on this website has been great. I guess the thing we all can do is control our reactions to them, because, I just realised this, our emotional pain is like food to them. They want us to react badly to them.
Thanks for the reply Blacksheep!
December 24th, 2011 at 01:12
From the time we reach the legal/moral age of accountability which would be 12 to 15 years of age, we have the GOD given right to choose how we live our lives and how we treat others.
We can choose to get up in the morning and be nice and good and kind and a true blessing to those all around us or; we can choose to be mean, nasty, hateful, dishonest, goading individuals that no one wants to be associated with.
As a God fearing christian I get up each day and say a prayer; Thank you for this day and everything in it. I pray for the sick the and the less fortunate and I ask fo strengh, courage and knowledge to make it through the day, then I get up and put feet on those prayers.
As a Christian when the devil tempts me and tries to sway me I simply say; get thee behind me satan and ask the Lord for strength and courage to move on and always do what is good and right in HIS sight.
I firmly believe that the sociopath is awake all night plotting and planning and covering their tracks/behavior patterns and finding ways to blame everyone for their horrible behavior, then when they get out in the world they look for ways and means to set their diabolical plans into motion rather than doing a decent days work, helping others and paying it forward.
My sociopath sister siblling has recently made my mother whom the sociopath sibling sitter placed in a nursing home/rehab facility look like she’s incompetent and unfit to handle her own affairs and made me out to look like a liar/sneek/thief. However, when I offered up phone numbers for the Dr. Offices and explained the circumstances sociopath sibling sister was caught with the shit stiring (goading) stick in her hand! Her plan blew up in her face and made HER look childlish and petty and greedy and uncaring for our mother’s well being.
It wasn’t easy to take a deep breath and exhale and explain the truth or prove that what I was saying WAS the truth, but I did prove that I could in fact be trusted.
Now I have the task of proving that my sociopath sibling sister snowed our mother into believeing a pack of lies that began via a cell phone conversation for the entire purpose of making mother and I both look unbelievably and publicly untrustworthy.
Sociopath sibling sister has denied our mother previously planned medical treatments/doctor appointments under the pretense that the treatments/dr visits were scheduled too soon and were NOT needed and that I could not be trusted to transport or even ride with our mother. Clearly an isolation tactic from my stand point.
Denying the elderly medical treatment is by today’s standards elder abuse/neglect and is punishable by jail/prison/stiff fines.
There is currently a case in the K.C. MO. area in which a son denied his elderly mother care/treatment and his mother died because of it. He now faces life in prison simply because he didn’t want to mess with taking his mother for treatment, he wanted her estate and look what’s happened to him because of his greed. He allowed greed to cloud his judgement and his care and concern for the one who gave him life and never abandoned him.
I remembered one of Larry’s many lessons given here ….
Arm yourself with truth!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!
If you posess the desire to do good and have the spare time, become an advocate for someone who is in need of one.
A child, an elderly person, an unwed mother/father.
Remember, we reap what we sow ten fold.
GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!!!
Sincerely,
Blacksheep
December 24th, 2011 at 03:28
Hi Blacksheep,
First off, thank you for chiming in on other people’s comments and offering your insight. This is truly a painful subject, and the more input the better.
I need to question your age range of 12-15 as the time people reach their legal and moral age of accountability. I have to take sharp opposition to that. Kids in that age bracket may think they know everything, but they are in no way completely accountable … legally or morally. They’re just kids and still in training. They will do stupid things that they would never do later in life. And in those years, parents and peers have a lot to do with their actions. It’s a time of learning.
It’s obvious your Christianity is very important and drives you to make the right decisions … I respect that. But I want to add that so too are those who follow Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Mormon and many other religions. The US is primarily a Christian nation, but look at the wrongs we’ve done to others, recently and throughout the nation’s history. It’s hard to know all the facts and not be ashamed.
This site is not about religion, but since you brought it up I wanted to add my two cents. I was raised in a very religious family … the majority being sociopaths.
I assume you were being facetious when you said you firmly believe sociopaths stay up all night. Trust me, they don’t.
I do hope your own family situation improves.
Thanks again.
December 31st, 2011 at 21:47
Wow, it is finally nice to reinforce what I have finally come to suspect – I’m not the crazy one!
I could write a huge amount of information on this but my younger sister fits the criteria for sociopathic tendencies, as well as severe chronic lying. It took me too many years to realize that trying to maintain a relationship that left me feeling confused and emotionally drained was not my responsibility to maintain. God teaches us to be peace-makers, not peace-keepers. In other words, I felt bound to the laws of family guilt (and I still get that from them) but I do not feel bonded to her in the way a normal sister relationship should because of her lifestyle and incessant lying.
It’s been very frustrating that even though we are extremely different, much of our family still naively labels it as simple “sibling rivalry.” The last straw for me was explaining to the truant officer who called me about her oldest three children dropping out of high school (yes, three high school dropouts…) that I was not “bi-polar” and have never been diagnosed with same. I have had to explain this to four others in a small town and she apparently spread the lie due to the great relationship I have with my six beautiful and emotionally healthy children by saying that the “reason they are such good kids is because they are afraid of their mother (me) because she suffers severe bi-polar disorder.”
Hmmm…I am terribly sick of my family excusing her by saying, “Well, she’s just insecure about her own life.” She had also spread the rumor that my marriage is horrible, that my husband has cheated on me. She has brought false protective orders to every man she has married or dated, has borrowed and not repaid just about everyone she has had relationship with, and has moved over 28 times in 20 years.
She has purchased three Siberian huskies with money she couldn’t afford to begin with and (honest to God), she has had to have all three of these pets “put down” by the vet because of viciousness. Her four children are emotionally neglected (again, her eldest three are high school dropouts and chronic substance abusers – she allowed them to do it in their own bedrooms) and anytime I tried to confront this, it was always met with, “Well, she’s not perfect but she does love her children.”
So many times I wanted to scream that no one is perfect and ask what definition of love they are referring! What I have listed already is just a very brief synopsis of the lifestyle she has led – I could probably write a book and people wouldn’t believe it. For my own peace of mind, though, I sadly have severed all ties with her and I will always feel a little sad that I’ll be that person who tells people in the future that, “My sister and I haven’t spoken for several years and probably never will.”
Thanks so much for writing your stories – it’s made me realize that I am not alone and that it’s okay for me to have a life….