I’d love to talk to you some more though. It’s just crazy to me how they can all get drunk all the time (my mother-in-law doesn’t drink, she’s a Jehovah’s Witness but she is at all of the parties they have, usually football related), partying and then claim to be religious. I really saw such a change in my mother and father in law though. They said things to me you could never imagine. Cruel things, I never saw it coming.

It broke my heart…. And don’t get me wrong, I wrote things back to them, things that I had built up inside, but not like the things my father in law said to me. He even said a horrible comment about my kids going to a Catholic church and what could happen to them there. I’ll never understand, but we are on good terms with them now. They did apologize and so did I. It’s just hard to forget things like that. That’s my struggle. I want my kids to know them. They love their grandparents and so do I despite these things. It was all brought on by her. There was a time when they saw through it.

The parents paid for her and their sons wedding. Later on, they found out it was a sham. They weren’t ever legally married after all, and basically the parents shelled out money for a big drunken party. They were furious at them for that, but they forgave them and now could never believe they could harm a fly. I think it mainly changed when she had their grandchild. Sorry for the rambling…..it probably doesn’t even make any sense the way I’ve been jumping from subject to subject. I just have so much to say, this is 10 years in the making….

It is actually my husband’s brother. The family is so close to her and him. You see he has issues as well. He also lies a lot and has a criminal record of stealing. A couple of years ago everything hit the fan after she continually harassed me on Myspace. Somehow, she was able to twist everything on to me that really applied to her a million times over. When everything finally blew up, 2 days later, our hose was broken into and TV stolen.

The police officer thought it looked like a crime of someone who was mad at us. It wasn’t the typical burglary. The VERY next morning, we received a message on our answering machine from her husband. He accidentally called and our house and was actually saying to someone, :you know about the TV thing, was mad sounding and then Said Erika deserved it. We tried having the detective listen to the tape and he said it could get thrown out as hearsay. So we couldn’t even get help that way, totally unbelievable sounding, trust me, I know. Well it’s pretty bad when nobody in your family believes it, even when they know he’s a thief!! My husband is a wonderful man, never done anything like his brothers. I don’t even know how he came from the same family.

Anyways, we are now the outcasts because we don’t want anything to do with them and all they ever do is party. We don’t want to be apart of that, and it is then twisted onto me. My sister in law recently obtained a psychology degree by taking online courses. I read on a different site that this is also typical of a sociopath. She moves every six months to a year. She usually gets into places that she can live in for free. She has a couple of sisters who were foreclosed on and they moved out and let her and her family live there until they were kicked out. She is now a realtor again……..

I think that your sister-in-law is using religion to persuade others to believe her lies because she knows that you are religious, catholic, and so is your family, so that would make them all believe her. A true sociopath actually studies their victims for a while before they start their “attacks”.

She knows what to say to get people to be “on her side”. I know how you feel though because my sister has done that to me too. I am also religious and my sister knows how much my faith means to me. She always used to try to convince me that she believed in God sooo much so that I would stop and listen to her.

The reality is that if you truly believe in God, you could never hurt anyone, or be evil toward them – especially your own family. I don’t think they know what love is and I know they don’t know how it feels so they can’t possibly believe in God. I have chosen to stay as far away from my sister as possible simply because of all of the pain and heartache that she has caused me and my family. If I were you, I would completely distance myself from my sister-in-law and have very little to do with her.

You probably don’t want to lose your brother, so you are trying to just put up with her. But, you can have a relationship with your brother w/o having to talk or to deal with her. Just keep it short and simple with him because you know that he probably loves her. In time, he will most-likely be the one to come to you and tell you how much turmoil he is really in.

It has to be so difficult to be married to someone that is so evil. Keep your conversations with her very short, always tell her you are just so busy and stressed and can’t really talk to her or do anything with her. Don’t let her know that you are on to her because then she will just be ruthless in trying to destroy you (as my sister has done). Keep your distance…hope this helps a little.

I’m under extra stress right now from things that accompany a mortgage … like falling behind. I certainly fear homelessness more than I fear death.

I’ll try to get back to everyone soon.
Larry

I’ve been in such turmoil over it too. My family too also bought into my sister in laws lies. I always wondered how is it possible that they would even believe her. I could never comprehend it, and it has hurt me over and over and over. I have recently started talking to this person again in thinking that people would stop thinking the things they do of me ( which by the way I have no idea what has actually been said about me.

It must be bad though, because everyone in the family has treated me differently) I can’t even imagine the lies she’s filled their heads with, it’s really unbelievale to me. Oh if only we could speak….. anyways it’s been awful.) This person has actually even taken to using religion to manipulate, which works well on the people she’s been doing the manipulating too. My mother-in-law is a devout Jehovah’s Witness.

I wish I could just pour my guts out on everything I have to say. It’s been such a nightmare. I am a very timid, extremely shy ( social anxiety disorder runs in my family) and I have never really stood up for myself over the years, so now I find myself in the difficult predicament of talking with her again on FaceBook.

It’s so hard, she can be so nice ( btw- we used to be best friends, then I was able to distance myself from her, and now as of about 5 yrs. ago, she’s my sister in law just to give you a brief history) Do you have any advice??? Is being nice to her the only way to deal with her?? I am so conflicted.

Everyone uses the Bible on me. I feel like I’m the monster sometimes as I was raised Catholic and went to private Catholic school. I just need someone to talk to that understands.

She hurt my parents while they were alive with her torment, lies, stealing, and mental abuse. Since their death, she has moved on to me. After watching her destroy my parents while they were old and frail, I refused to deal with her anymore. I couldn’t stand to see how she treated both of them while they were dying – she hated them, always telling them that they loved me more than her. I loved my parents so much, they were both such wonderful human beings – I never understood why she was the way she was, until someone finally told me that they thought she was a sociopath. I couldn’t take what she did to both of my parents while they were dying so we had a huge fight and I cut all ties with her, finally telling her once and for all how I felt about her.

To get revenge, she has spread malicious lies about me and my husband, continuously. My husband is a wonderful man and loves me and our children very much. Her husband in my opinion, is also a sociopath and has taught her through the years everything she knows (she married him when she was 18.). They/She tells everyone, family members and all of our friends, that my husband cheats on me, that I hate him, that he is cruel, that we are divorced, that I’m on medication…the lies go on and on and on. She has hurt me with her lies my entire life, always bullying me and threatening me with anything that could and would hurt my feelings.

I am now in my 40′s and still, even after not speaking with her for the past five years, she still continues with her games, she continues to spread lies about me and my husband. Those that truly know me, know that she is insane and they don’t believe what she says, but she is ruthless and won’t stop. She is the meanest person I have ever met in my life. She has even gone as far as sending letters to everyone, spending hundreds of dollars sending anonymous letters to people, in order to spread more lies about me.

Now that I know she is a true sociopath, I refuse to have anything to do with her. I would never let her harm my children, or even have them know such an evil person. How do I keep her away from me? Why doesn’t she just focus on her husband and her children since they are all so messed up and just as evil as she is? If she hates me so much, why doesn’t she stop doing things to get my attention?

Somehow, I missed your comment. My apologies.

What you describe is so foreign and unthinkable to virtually anyone who has not personally experienced the wrath of a sociopath. And because they can destroy someone with such ease, and such sincerity, they can actually earn people’s sympathy for how well they dealt with that innocent person they are destroying, based completely on their maliciously fabricated lies about them.

Most people have limits. Sociopaths have none. Because of that, it’s virtually impossible to win against them. They have no intention of losing, as they have nothing to stop them. They will lie under oath with the same ease as ordering a pizza.

Strange analogy, I agree, but have you ever felt nervous ordering a pizza? The oath means nothing to them.

I know one sociopath who is very intelligent, shrewd and cunning. I know another who I would have to classify as plain stupid. Yet, both have their followers. Both can manipulate people to do and believe what they want. It’s the intelligent one, though, who is way more dangerous.

Since you asked for advice, please read and understand the following paragraph before proceeding:

Disclaimer: This site is not meant to diagnose, counsel or provide professional advice. It is only a candid journal of my real-life experiences. Therefore, these are just personal opinions, and nothing more.

Apparently, a sociopath feels no emotions. From my experience, that would seem to be very accurate. That means the complete absence of guilt or remorse. It’s difficult to even imagine what that must feel like, though I’ve come to believe there is no limit to it. A sociopath will fabricate lies of any size or magnitude to achieve what they need to achieve. Nothing will get in their way.

At least initially, it would seem not very difficult to determine the accuracy of the tumor claim. Using the Web, research brain tumors and find out how many tests would need to be conducted to receive a diagnosis of an in-operable brain tumor. How long would those tests take? How long would someone need to be in the hospital for that to be determined? How long was he in the hospital? Who was the oncologist?

Ask him to explain more about the tumor, what type it is, where is it located, size, etc.? Ask him in-person, not on the phone — watch his reactions to your questions. Be prepared with your questions, i.e., formulate your questions from the research you conduct, but ask them in a casual manner. He likely would have been told a lot of detail with such a diagnosis.

But what gets me is the wife and girl friend. To achieve that level of manipulation with his wife, specifically, brings back that concept of emotional emptiness. Love is an emotion that would seem he feels none of, nor does he feel any guilt in what he’s doing. It’s one thing if you heard he was having an affair, and another thing altogether if you heard his wife accepted it. But the boldness of bringing both of them to family functions leaves me speechless. Why does your family allow him to do it?

From my own research and family history, APD, and the other personality disorders, are from a genetic factor. It’s hereditary. Have you determined which side of the family carries the bad gene? You may need to go back to your grandparents, since the parent with the gene may only be carrying it.

Again, I need to emphasize these are just personal opinions based on very limited information that you provided. I am not trained to diagnose, counsel or advise.

I do wish you luck.

Recently I mentioned to my other brother and my mother that I suspected him of being a sociopath. Over the past couple of years he has been caught in lies by our family and they were starting to see how he really is without the charm. Now I find out today from my mother (just 2 days after mentioning he might be a sociopath) she calls me on the phone to tell me he has a brain tumor and he has 2-5 years to live and there is nothing that can be done about it.

Naturally I cried and was upset bad, relationship or not, he still is my brother and I love him. I asked for details and everything started sounding fishy, he went to the hospital for a seizure two weeks ago and yet no one went with him not even his wife ?

I am trying really hard to believe, but he has hurt me so many times and at one point had my family against me (I have since corrected this by just pretending to believe what ever he says and always admitting fault on my end no matter what just so that my family doesn’t ignore me or be mean.)

My question…would a sociopath lie about dying to get everyone back on his side? By the way he has convinced my family and his wife that it is ok to have a wife and girlfriend at the same time, his girlfriend would even come to family functions with the wife.

What should I do… should I just go along with it?

Trying not to be heartless.