I feel that you should not have to go through this but when I was a kid I had somebody that seems they would grow up and be like your bully. She would lie and get people in trouble when they didn’t do anything.

Once a boy made her mad on the playground and she got his classroom # so she could lie and say he hit her to the teachers just to get him in trouble. I think that you are the victim in this situation and I hope you can remeber what smiling is like in your future.

Wish you the best,
Era

My Story
This woman is what the late Tim Field describes as a ‘serial bully’. She is a cunning, clever, narcissistic, manipulating liar. She is an actress who is articulate and plausible. I do not know if you are familiar with Tim fields website bullyonline.org. This website has a host of information about sociopaths/narcissists etc and describes her to a tee. Anyway here we go.

I first met this woman in the workplace-she was a staff nurse and I was a carer at this time (She was my senior). My workplace was a large residential establishment for people with epilepsy. The establishment was made up of lots of different residential houses.I started work on a children’s house and after 8 weeks experience was moved onto the house where this woman worked. I had only been working with her for around 6 months when my problems started. During my first few weeks this woman befriended me and was sweetness itself. I thought she was a very nice, kind person!! All of a sudden she began to tell me about her life and how she was unhappy with her husband. She went on to tell me that he was a violent bully who had raped and beaten her. She told me very personal things about her experiences to the point where I was uncomfortable and wondered why she was telling me such things as I hardly knew her? She went on to tell me that she was having an affair with her husbands best friend and planned to run away with him, to escape from her unhappy home life. However, this man died of a heart attack before they had chance to leave together. Shortly after this I heard her telling people what a lovely man her husband was-I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I began to notice little things about her which were not quite right. She always had to take the lead in meetings and became agitated when someone else was in the spotlight. Always had to be centre of attention. Was extremely jealous if anyone other than her got any praise for their work and would immediately discredit them. She certainly did not strike me as academically clever-just devious.I witnessed her copying the work of others on more than one occasion without their knowledge and passing it off as her own.She had a huge sense of entitlement. The main thing was however, that she would never take responsibility when anything went wrong. She would blame anyone but herself and would not describe things as they had really happened. However, as she was very plausible she was always believed above others.

On my birthday I received some lovely cards and gifts from the other staff at work. I was popular and got on with others. As I walked into the office she said to me ” Why are you so popular? Each day after that she would ignore me or give me the worst jobs to do. I began to notice that people were beginning to act different towards me over time but had no idea why. I now know that this is when the character assassination began. One day the nursing officer praised me for my work in front of this woman. Within a few days I had been moved to another department without explanation. I got on with my job and was promoted to a senior position in my new department. Shortly after this my workplace paid for me to go on a social care course. However, early on into the course I was involved in a road traffic accident with a loose horse and sustained some nasty injuries. I was off work for almost a year. This horse had escaped from a farm and galloped down the road and into a field. As I was driving past it jumped through a gap in the hedge and landed on my car. During my time off this woman recruited a cult of followers and interfered with witnesses from my workplace who had seen the accident. She and her henchmen told people that I was prosecuting the owners to get more money, when I could just claim off the insurance. This is ridiculous as in the uk you have to prove negligence against the owner in order to make a claim off their insurance. By this time this woman had also teamed up with another chief bully, also a woman, who happened to be friendly with the owners of the horse. I was now faced with 2 bullies an ‘introvert’ and an ‘extrovert’ and the two of them went to extreme measures to prevent me from making a claim. Statement requests were sent to the witnesses at my workplace-they never received the letters. I later learnt that the the bully and her gang had intercepted and destroyed them. My solicitor was aware that someone was interfering but could not prove it. After 3 years I lost my case and received no compensation whatsoever. Some months after that I learnt that the owners of the horse were not insured so would have been held personally libel.

Approximately 1 year after this the bully drove past where I was working in a lovely new car. In fact she kept driving past every day. I was approached by one of my friends who informed me that the new car had been bought with money which the horses owners had paid this woman, for preventing me from making a claim against them. You can imagine what it was like during those 3 years, knowing that this woman was interfering but unable to prove it. I felt powerless and desperate. To be then told that this woman had pocketed money at my expense was a very cruel blow indeed. This was in the year 2001. In 2005 I was told by another friend (I had some left at this stage) that this woman had told people that she had done what she had done because I had been blackmailing her about her affair and she was getting her money back!! I was shocked and angry to say the least as this was ridiculous and completely untrue. I was also told that she had shown people a blackmail note which I supposedly had sent to her! I wish that I had been told this in the first place as I would have sought legal advice. This woman excels at ‘playing the victim’

I tried to move on and continued my college course but noticed that some of the tutors were now ‘different’ towards me. I later learnt that this woman had phoned the college and told the head of department that I was a thief and had stolen off the disabled residents. I did not know what to do for the best. I continued to ignore her but things kept getting worse and worse. I tried telling people what she was doing but it is hard to explain covert harassment.I was a stressed out mess and she was a calm, smiling actress who played the victim excellently. I tried to explain to people that she was a convincing liar and that she really a very evil woman. She told people that I was mentally ill! However,nothing changed and things got worse and worse. I just didn’t know what to do. The sad thing is that people fail to accept that you do not have to do anything to a sociopath to become a target, they tend to believe that the victim must have done something and therefore deserves the treatment which they receive. I cannot for the life of me think of anything that I have ever done to this woman? People also do not appreciate just how vindictive and cunning sociopaths are, so I knew I would not be believed against this sweet smiling woman who would turn on the crocodile tears when confronted.

Things continued to get worse and I would feel sick when going to work as I wondered what nasty tricks she would conjure up next. I was used as a scapegoat at work many times although was never accused of anything because there was no evidence, simply because it never happened! The next thing was that I had my signature forged by a fraudster who worked with me. She stole a lot of money from the residents. Due to the bullies character assassination the fraudster thought that I would be blamed because my name was on the cash withdrawal forms. However as I told my manager that I had not signed any cash withdrawal forms they were checked by the police and found to be forgeries. I was not told any of this at the time. I only found out months later off a college.

By this time I was a nervous wreck and completely stressed out. This woman kept telling higher management that she was concerned about me and that she thought that I was paranoid and mentally ill!! Fortunately the management were now aware of this woman’s profile and her behaviour towards me and others, so did not believe her. I was approached by the union representative who asked me what I was going to do about the situation regarding the bullying and the forgery. It transpired that the fraudster had a history of forgery and yet my workplace had still employed her. It was at this point that I made the wrong decision. I chose to stay when I should have prosecuted my workplace under The Harassment at Work Act for the years of intimidation at the hands of this woman and the fact that my signature had been forged because the workplace had not checked the fraudsters history before employing her. I was offered the chance to undertake a Diploma in Social Work paid for by the workplace. They bent over backwards to keep me quite. I was promoted and as I enjoyed my job despite of everything I chose to stay, believing that now that management realised what was going on I would be safe. The Chief executive came to see me and told me that she was aware of what this woman had been doing and of the ‘cult’which she had created to harass me. She then approached this woman and confronted her. Once again the woman played ‘ The Mental Health Trap’ and claimed that I was imagining things. She was not believed and instead was pressurised into leaving, which she did before she was pushed. The bully went to work as an epilepsy nurse several miles away from the area.

I was so relieved, as for once in my working life I could relax and had the best nights sleep for years on the day that she left. I thought that my nightmare had finally ended- how wrong I was! This woman continued to harass me using her cult followers who remained there. As management were aware of what she was doing I could relax to a certain extent although felt very vulnerable as I did not know what she would do next. As time passed and management changed this woman took advantage of the situation and assassinated my character to the new management structure and once again I began to notice people being ‘different’ towards me. Around this time, my son, who had a good job with a local pharmaceutical company in the IT department came home very upset and puzzled one day. He said that his manager had called him into the office and told him that he was no longer required. He told my son that he should look at his lifestyle?? My son did not and still does not know what he meant by this statement. I firmly believed that this woman was instrumental in this and that she had assassinated my sons character to people at his workplace! Recently I learnt that I was right and this woman had told my sons boss that he was a thief and a drug user. I was very, very angry to say the least and really felt like confronting this woman. I realise though that she would just deny it and make me look foolish so I tried to ignore it.

Last year -April 2009 I was made redundant from my position, as were all of the other managers. We all had the chance to apply for other vacancies. I applied but was unsuccessful despite the fact that I had always exceeded all targets and always had excellent appraisals. I firmly believe that this was planned, as the organisation were aware of what I had experienced at the hands of this woman and that the harassment would not stop and that they were libel as they had failed to protect me within the workplace. I was relieved to go to be honest and was told that I would be supported to find another job. However, as the time has gone on I have applied for jobs and not even had an interview. In fact I have not had a response from any applications. Two weeks ago I was approached by the sociopaths daughter who made the statement
” Do you think that you will ever get another job? This was a threat and I felt sick as I know that the sociopath will have done something further to prevent me from gaining employment. She is so cunning and convincing so whatever it is she would have been believed. I am a Social Worker and a registered manager and I suspect that she will have also approached the professional bodies and assassinated my character in order to prevent me from gaining employment. I have a mortgage to pay so will lose my house if I am unable to find employment soon. This is a living nightmare which never ends.

Recently, a woman who used to work with me and was also targeted by the bully at my workplace was dismissed from her new job as an Epilepsy specialist nurse, on a trumped up charge. Within a couple of weeks the bully had walked into her position! I was approached by another old colleague who told me that the bully had completely destroyed this woman’s career and that it was highly likely that she would be struck off and prevented from nursing again! The bully had actually manipulated a Doctor into engineering this woman’s dismissal. A few months prior to this the bully had been telling people that she was fed up with travelling miles to work and wanted a job nearer home! Incidentally, the bully now works at the medical centre where I am registered with a Doctor!!

I have given you a brief descriptive over view of my worst experiences. A lot more has happened. I am not her only target as there have been a many more, however I am her main target. I do not know what it is like to live a normal life and have forgotten what is was like to be happy. I have no friends to speak of because of this woman’s poisoning campaign. I know she will never stop, because she has got away with so much. I just wish I knew how to stop her. Please feel free to post this anywhere you feel that it will fit best. Once again thankyou for your response. I will await your opinion eagerly.

Thankyou
Take Care
Angela

I can relate well to the ‘red flags.’ Only us victims understand your way of thinking and to the lay person we would just appear to be over-reacting, paranoid and crazy! To be betrayed by your own sister is terrible and I feel for you. It is bad enough having a stranger destroy you but a sibling is by far worse. The dysfunctional minds of two people (Kathy and Julie) who ‘team up’ together to destroy a target is going to be very hard to escape from. Empathy and loyalty do not apply to these people.

I believe that Sociopaths are born evil although their behavior I feel is largely influenced by childhood events and experiences as to how they conduct themselves in later life. Jealousy is a normal but also a very dangerous emotion for some people and I believe that it is a strong motivating factor for your situation. You are obviously an intelligent, good guy with strong morals and principles. Your tormentors do not possess such qualities. They know that they never can so they set out to destroy you in the worst ways possible-and enjoy doing it!

Your son is also obviously a clever and talented lad-a prime target for bullies and there are some things which have occurred to me while reading your story. Do you think that your ex wife would be going to such lengths to get custody if your son was not so intelligent? Is she doing this to gain credit and attention for herself because of his talents? Or is this just ‘payback’ time for you for alleged or imagined slights? This may sound far fetched Larry but do you think that your ex wife could have influenced/instigated your sons bullying in some way using others?

This whole thing could have been cleverly planned to perfection, from the beginning, with the help of your sister-I believe that these sort of people would be able to do this without any real problem. In fact people like this are capable of anything! Women in my opinion are by far worse than men. They excel at deception and are very well disguised as you know. I respect you for not revealing your ex wives diagnosis. I have read a huge amount of information regarding this type of person and can see strong evidence of both Borderline and Narcissistic personality disorder in this story, although I may be wrong.

I am looking forward to hearing the next installment. Take Care Larry and keep analyzing the red flags.

I, too, have heard the familiar, “It’s time to get over it” and that has been said by people who are fully aware that my sociopath ex-H sexually abused our daughter when she was two years old (after we had been separated six months). He was never prosecuted, or even investigated, because he had “set the stage” by covertly destroying my character, much as your sister Kathy was doing to you. It took three years for me to realize just how much bashing he’d actually done and, in the meantime, visitation continued with our daughter. I just about went crazy – literally.

It is very likely these people telling me to “get over it,” probably don’t really believe he did it, though. He’s the consummate Mr. Nice Guy – how could he possibly commit such evil acts? No, it’s ME who has the problem (being a single mother, I have zero credibility with anyone – ironic considering I’m a single mother on account of his irresponsibility, not mine).

On a personal level, understanding what my ex-H actually is has really helped me to cope. If I didn’t understand, it would have been that much harder to “get over it.” As it were, now I just have zero expectations of him and am never surprised anymore by his ongoing evil. That doesn’t mean I’m not always afraid when my daughter visits him on weekends, but at least now I’m not ignorant and confused, and I know what to watch for. And, yes, I continue to fight for my daughter’s safety; I never stopped, even though no one was listening. She still remembers what he did and is starting to open up about it to other people besides myself so hopefully the noose will start to tighten around his neck and he won’t be able to get away with it anymore.

Anyway, thanks for the good read. Keep posting!

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I posted the link Love Fraud to the sidebar LINKS widget.

Parts of our lives can get so engrained in our psyche that it takes a while for us to even question them. In my ADDENDUM above, I stated that my character assassination by my sister, Kathy, could have begun in the “late 90s, maybe earlier” … forget the late 90s.

Hello Larry!? She’s been doing it your entire life.
 
As a kid, I always figured there was just something wrong with me … whenever Kathy brought a friend over and introduced them, they’d rarely look at me and almost never say anything. It was a completely different story when I watched them meet my brother or sister. Night and day.

What is most pronounced was when I met my future brother-in-law, Kathy’s husband, Marlin. He barely glanced at me when he said “hi” but chatted-up with my brother and sister. He always treated me as lower than everyone else.

Based on that, there’s virtually no way for me to undo the lifelong character destruction she unleashed on me, with my own family.

Sociopaths get away with murder.

You are not alone. Many others have been through similar devastation – the problem is those around us often don’t recognise the degree of damage and wonder why we can’t just ‘get over it’. We need a safe place to tell our stories, grieve our losses and come to terms with what happened – most of all we need to be surrounded by people who understand and empathise with the loss and damage we have sustained. You found this site for a reason – you will be warmly welcomed by the community and will have a safe place to explore what happened to you and the continuing effects of the hell you went through.

Mary I don’t know if you have read any books yet – I can warmly recommend Women who Love Psychopaths – it will help you understand how your own ‘super traits’ of good qualities were exploited by this person who harmed you. I am pretty sure the book would also be applicable to men, but it was women the author studied. It is an incredible read and so healing to see the complexity of what we suffered. We intuitively know it at the time, but have no vocabulary with which to articulate the abuses perpetrated against us.

There is light at the end of the tunnel Mary – please come join us and give your healing journey a big leap forward – you will be welcomed with open arms. Many blessings to you

Larry – please pass on the site to Mary and if you think it useful consider providing a link on your site – I didn’t want to leave the address on my comment in case you didn’t think it appropriate. People are finding your site and still needing help and that is what this community offers – a way to understand what happened and integrate it into our personal history. I hope to see many more survivors making their way there

Your comments are what others experience, too. Making us feel the blame for something we did not do is a skill of their’s that is hard to define for anyone without the experience.

Women and men are no different when afflicted by these personality disorders. I would bet that you husband did not have a sex addiction, but was either narcissistic or bi-polar. My ex was bi-polar, and when she became manic, she turned on her seduction, and affairs began. But sometime later when she’d crash from her mania, she’d grovel back to me, crying and promising to get help, so twice I took her back. She never got the help.

But from things I found that she had written, if would seem she knew what she had done was wrong, and she wrote, “I’ve damaged Larry’s trust in me so badly, that I wonder if he could ever forgive me.”

There is no cure, nor even any treatment … and yes, these people are very dangerous. There must be a way to stop them, as they continue to destroy lives and get away with it.

Thanks,
Lar