AUDIO: A Sociopath & Disciple Make Their Plans.

If you suspect you are targeted by a sociopath, you MUST be proactive in gathering strong evidence to defend yourself … do not think you can gather it later. A sociopath’s skill is accumulating followers, blind followers, and their most devoted, those I’ve labeled disciples. When it comes time to prove your innocence, even having the best evidence will still prove a challenge to convince anyone already sold on your “guilt” — whatever they were made to believe.

Therefore, the most important asset a victim can have is an abundance of undeniable evidence … solid substantiation to support the truth. Your word against their’s has a foregone conclusion — you will lose. Virtually no one will believe your description of the sociopath’s activities, statements, or their real character, since that charming persona has already destroyed your character, made themselves look incapable of any such activity you claim, and likely made you out to be a dishonest jackass.

The sociopath will not lose

A sociopath’s goal is to protect their public persona — protect their real personality from being exposed — and nothing will get in their way. They need to make sure your credibility is destroyed, so if anyone does listen to you, they won’t believe you. Saying that it is truly a living nightmare doesn’t do it justice. Becoming a victim is indescribable, something I know all too well. But what quickly becomes a sad realization, is how shallow and gullible the typical person is. People will easily pass judgment on an innocent victim based upon nothing but hearsay.

There’s not much better evidence than having the sociopath’s own words recorded. And better yet, audio with video. Technology has reduced the size of video cameras for spy use, and hidden them in items as small as a working ball-point pen — that’s right, a video camera with audio in a pen.

Be patient … don’t try to force the sociopath to say anything. They’ll get suspicious, and stop talking to you.

Recording in Person

Back during my divorce in 1995, I carried a micro-cassette recorder in my pocket, recording all discussions with my then-future ex-wife, Julie. Having it in my pocket, though, without a suitable external mic, resulted in very noisy, hard-to-hear audio. But it was better than nothing.

Technology has advanced quite a bit since then, such as a typical iPhone or iPod can record 10 or more hours without stopping. Discovering that you’ve been targeted creates the immediate need to begin collecting the best evidence possible to discredit your predator. And I say “immediate” because by the time someone realizes that they’ve been targeted, it’s possible that the sociopath had a head-start of a year or more.

Recording Phone Calls Legally

In late January 1995, about three weeks after Julie moved out, I set-up a phone recording system to record the conversations I had with her. That was a Sunday. When I returned home from work the following day, I discovered that Julie was sneaking into my home during the day and taking things … as well as using the phone.

In her very first use of the phone with the recorder connected, she called her office and spoke with her assistant, Christopher. That was precisely when I discovered that Christopher was much more than her assistant. She noted early in the conversation that the phones had been moved around, to which they both discussed for a while, then concluded that I was probably recording calls. But once they reached that conclusion, they simply went on with their conversation.

In my state of residence, one can record any phone call when at least one party on the call is aware of being recorded. There does not need to be any notification, such as a 15-second beep, or any other announcement. Just as long as at least one person knows.

Acknowledgement of being recorded

This first 8-second clip is of Christopher addressing me directly on the tape, thereby indicating he knew he was being recorded … they both did. In any event, I did not intend to record them, as they were using my phone without permission, when Julie snuck into my home while I was at work.

Based on all these things, I believe Christopher’s following statement would have been an admission of acknowledgement, and would have worked against them if the case had gone to court.

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“… take food.”

Julie called Christopher at work, and obviously from her first comment, she came to my house to take a drill.

The very next part, Julie asks Christopher if he can think of anything else she should take, and under her mumblings, he says “take food.” As you listen through to the end, pay attention to her reaction … she knew that I’d be home to feed the kids within the hour.

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A Battered Woman? … or an Evil, Scheming Woman?

Listen closely to Julie in this recording. Does she sound like a frightened, battered woman, or woman just taking care of business? No one on this planet has ever seen any violence from me, including Julie. But Julie, herself, is unpredictably violent.

This allows you to hear how easily a sociopath will plan malicious lies to destroy an innocent person. Just business. Only six weeks earlier, she was trying to convince me to have another child with her.

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“Break the Rules …. It’s Really the Way I Think”

What Julie really means here is: “Break the Law or whatever it takes.”

The following is one reason, I believe, why Julie’s sister, Lori, told me to get a restraining order to keep Julie away from DK and EK. Lori also said, “Larry, you need to get custody to save those kids.”

Lastly, pay attention, not only to what she said, but how she said it — she’s on a psychotic roller coaster, illicit drugs, or both.

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“… it’s Forcing me to Take the Kids and Run …”

… and this is another of Lori’s suggestions. In this clip, Julie blatantly lies by stating that I am making threats.

She continually destroyed my character by making me out to be a threatening, violent person, and did so with ease and without a hint of guilt. I do believe that this was all brought on by a mania, as she is also bipolar.

Take note, though, as to what she’s doing: Julie is making a threat to take the kids. That would be illegal. 

As above, note her emotional swings — I think it’s both.

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How Character Assassination Spreads

The following audio clip shows how easily character assassination spreads. Julie has to keep her credibility, so she has to stick to her lies … she continued it to the present.

1) The male voice is Christopher’s — he and I had never met, nor had we ever even spoken.

2) Christopher states that he has me figured out, yet he’s only repeating back to Julie the malicious lies that she’s fed him about me.

3) Julie agrees with him as if he figured it out on his own.

4) Ironically, even though he says that I’m controlling, he’s blind to see that he’s being controlled by Julie.

5) This provides more details as to the lies Julie was (and is) spreading about me to not just Christopher, but everyone, including my sister, Kathy. She must keep her story straight to avoid getting busted.

6) What Christopher stated about me is what he will tell others … and the character assassination simply continues.

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Julie calls me

I’ve got many of these. This is a very typical call between Julie and me during that period.

She’s also lying here, as I knew she was not at “Jill’s house.”

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“… play doctor with me … good, I like that.”

In 1995, I was granted full legal and physical custody of our four-year-old son, and two-year-old daughter. As soon as Julie discovered I was filing for custody, she threw in the towel.

My attorney asked me why she gave in so quickly. My response was simple and candid, “Because everything I told you was the truth.”

Six days after the divorce was final, Julie and Christopher married — she has since walked out on him at least once with a new man already lined up.

Five months after the divorce, my three-year old daughter, EK, whispered to me that she and Christopher play doctor together on her mom’s weekends.

I called the police the next morning, and we set up a meeting for both my kids with the state’s child protection services. The deputy confirmed he would be there, too.

In hearing that, I made one request of the officer, “Would you please be in plain clothes?”

His attitude changed immediately, and he answered with a very defensive: “Why?!”

“Because if they feel more comfortable, I think they’ll speak more openly with you.”

“I’ll see what I can do,”  he replied. I could tell he meant, “No.”

He arrived in his full blue uniform. After the interviews, he said he couldn’t do anything else since they didn’t say much. And, get this, he was the deputy in charge of child abuse issues.

So because of that one cop’s arrogance, I had to let my daughter visit her mom that weekend, tormented knowing that Christopher, who works with kids in a middle school, was going to play doctor with EK.

What I didn’t know when I filed the complaint in the summer of 1995, was that I had a recording of Christopher asking my daughter to play doctor. All I was able to report in 1995 was that EK had whispered it to me. I had a lot of audio tapes, but since we didn’t go to trial, I just never listened to them all.

While preparing another defense from another law suit filed by Julie in 2006, I discovered the recording. Julie filed a completely bogus law suit against me because she discovered I knew much more about her background and activities than she thought I knew.

So, because of that paranoia-driven fear of being exposed, Julie immediately went into a sociopath’s “offensive-revenge” in which she completely perjured herself in a court-filed complaint, and to summarize this for now, she kidnapped my daughter. I believe kidnap means to illegally take a child (i.e., any aged human), and that’s what she did — with the court’s blessing. There’s too much to get into it here, but I will go into detail in the future. So, yes, a sociopath can manipulate the courts, too.

So, this is part of the phone call from 1995, that I found in 2006. No “authorities” ever heard this recording (not that it would have made any difference).

Regarding the sound quality: there may have been a recording problem (e.g., weak battery, etc.) … but, yes, that is very close to Christopher’s regular voice. My daughter sounds just as I remember.

When my son attended Rising Starr Middle School where Christopher is the librarian, he told me that Christopher had a deeper voice at school than at home. Hmm, now why would someone like Christopher want a job that kept him around children?

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Updated & Revised: 18 Apr 2010

51 thoughts on “AUDIO: A Sociopath & Disciple Make Their Plans.

  1. RE: “…take food.”

    It didn’t sound at all like she thought the kids would starve. It sounds more like she was excited by the prospect of you having to go back to the store to buy food.

    Did your children starve as a result of this?

    You may have been a little emotional when you heard this, which is why you’ve chosen to believe your ex-wife is a heinous sociopath who wanted your kids to go hungry. As an outsider, I didn’t get that impression at all. Sounds more like she wanted to make life hell for you.

    So…..What did you do to her that made her hate you like this? Sheesh.

  2. Oh, okay. I’m reading the rest of your blog.

    Looks like she was pretty heinous.

    Of course I still only have one side of the story.

  3. “… starve …”
    Not only didn’t I say that, I never even alluded to it.

    “… a little emotional …”
    Which emotion are you referring to? Happy, sad, joyful, excited … there are a lot of possibilities.

    “… which is why you’ve chosen to believe your ex-wife is a heinous sociopath who wanted your kids to go hungry.”
    Actually, I did not choose anything. My ex had a full psychological evaluation, which diagnosed bipolar disorder, borderline schizophrenic, psychotic, revengefully dangerous … as well as the real scary problems.

    “So…What did you do to her that made her hate you like this? Sheesh.”
    I married her. Same as the three other guys.

    “Of course I still only have one side of the story.”
    You are free to get her side of the story. I can’t help you with that, though.

  4. Hi Anna,

    Thank you.

    My experience shows a very clear line separating those who do believe and those who do not.

    The believers have personal experience with a sociopath.

    The non-believers have none.

    Funny how that works. For some, since they have not seen for themselves how evil a sociopath can be, they will turn on those who share their stories, such as me, and judge us as the crazy ones. If they don’t believe what they cannot see, I wonder what they think they are breathing.

  5. Hey Larry.

    Anyone who sympathizes with your wife either hasn’t read your posts … or is a sociopath themselves.

    Anyways your blog has proved extrememly useful to me.

    Thank you for documenting this.

  6. That is very kind, Riley … thank you.

    A fact that has presented itself many times to me, as well as being proven in a UK study, people are much more open to believing lies than they are in believing the truth.

  7. Wow, I was suprised at the poster who doesn’t seem to believe you and it MUST be pointed out that this person most likely does NOT know a socipath. I certainly had no idea I was about to marry one and now I have three children I am trying to protect and move through the court system knowing that all the research I am doing makes it OBVIOUS how in danger my children are yet there is reasonable doubt that I will fully be able to convince them of the seriousness because of the ignorance and denial.

    Your blog is of great value and if anyone else reads it and wants to doubt it…are YOUR children’s lives important enough to you to save them from evil preditors??? I am sure you would jump through the same hoops I am if this was happening to you.

    Don’t doubt the severity of the claims on this blog…it IS possible and is for sure PROBABLE that what he has document is THE TRUTH…something I have to now preach to my children for the rest of their lives.

  8. Welcome D Mama,

    First, because it’s so important to me, I would like to reiterate what I have stated many times before: I speak nothing but the truth — no one is more honest than I. 

    I would also hold my integrity and morality up to anyones. I was truly a sucker, especially with my ex-wife, and I will pay for it until the day I die. What a sociopath does to their victim can never be undone, nor can it stop.

    Sharing my life’s stories is all driven by the need to expose the truth. I have nothing to gain from this, whatsoever, but potentially, much more to lose. For one, it’s all anonymous … if I were out to flame, slam or ridicule these people, this is not the way to do it.

    In Q1 1995, my divorce was finalized with Julie, and I was granted full physical and legal custody of my son (then 4) and my daughter (then just 2). In less than a year, I walked away from a very successful career, one which I loved, just so I could be the best parent, by far, to those two innocent children.

    And then for the following years, their innocence would come out in the form of questions — questions so poignant and candid that it took everything I had, in that instant, to keep my insides from ripping out.

    Our inJustice System

    God help you if you ever need to face a sociopath in court. Julie was much more than just a sociopath, which I cover throughout this site. She is a dangerous woman, as reported by a clinical psychologist. The system failed me and my kids, many times.

    And the judge we had each time, just this year, resigned in disgrace. One of the events reported was when a patrol car got some of the sexual action, when he pulled up to a parked car with the judge and a defense attorney going at it. The judge had presided over 225 of her cases, and after an investigation (of sorts), it was reported that there were no improprieties (my ass).

    The disorders that are referred to with the word “sociopath” are somewhat varied, and generalized. Primarily, it’s the range of Personality Disorders, such as APD (antisocial), BPD (borderline), NPD (narcissistic) and others.

    They are not transferred by a dirty toilet seat, a bad upbringing, or kissing someone. They are spread genetically … which means that they are hereditary, and that they run in families. There is no treatment nor cure. Usually, the disorder does not ‘wake-up’ until the individual reaches their teens or early-20s. Up until then, there would be no sign of it, whatsoever. It’s just wait and see.

    True Helplessness

    Knowing what their mother was diagnosed with, I began my own research in 1995 so I’d be ready if I saw the early-warning signs. I did identify them. By then, though, I also knew that there was nothing I could do. All I could do was watch in horror. I tried everything available to me, though even then, I knew it was only an exercise in futility.

    My son, now in his second or third year in college, knows of this site, and is the only family member who does. His change was so dramatic and so incredibly painful to me, as he had always been just a great son. His friend’s parents asked if I’d consider trading. He consistently ranked in the top 1% nationwide in science and mathematics, and the top 10% in everything else.

    In the sixth grade, he was invited by our state university system to attend their achievement program of Saturday University, School for the Gifted — his first class was in Marketing. He received a varsity letter in academics for three out of his four high school years. He took a break from his Taekwondo training just prior to finishing up training for his black belt, not knowing at the time he’d never be back to finish.

    He didn’t even realize the change was happening to him. One evening, he was talking about what his mom would do, and how her actions disgusted him. As I was listening to him talk about his mom, I realized he was talking about things that he was already doing himself, yet he was oblivious to it.

    When he stopped to get a reaction from me, I said, “You know, you are much more like your mom now, than you are like me.”   He literally froze as he was staring back at me. I truly shocked him, but it was only a matter of time.

    Wow, you got me started when you mentioned my kids. They were my world. All three have left my world. There’s no bigger pain, as life now carries little in the way of meaning.

    Count your blessings.

  9. I could hear the manipulating tone ur ex-wife used over the telephone most people will change a little when they use the telephone but it sounded like she was dragging in an ally. She was manipulating this christopher and when she either got bored with him or couldnt get anything more she moved on.

    Unfortunately i am not suprised that the authorities did not attempt a true investigation of the facts of your child’s abuse.

    But i would guarantee that if Julie had made a false allegation they would have been all over you, this is the way the system is wired all over the world.

    I am thankful for the thoroughness of your work I am learning so much through reading it.

    It is very heartening to see that you have a real fighting spirit these sociopaths are soooo very glib and care only about themselves they mistake they said at my dads funeral that he was devoted… What a joke…He was as devoted as a hostage-taker could be… anyway thanks for bringing this to the forefront.

    good luck

  10. So sorry, I meant to end with good luck – I do not know how you became aware of you wife but I became aware of my family when I got sober through AA – I am voluntarily breaking my own anonymity here.

    It is a frightening thing to try to be a good human being and to also know that you dont have a conscience but AA has really helped me with that.

  11. Catherine,

    Sorry about my belated reply.

    I became aware of my ex through these audio clips and by finding her psychological evaluation that she left behind. It was a very scary read. I’m amazed that when the diagnosis infers the possibility of hostility and violence, that her medical privacy was more important than my safety.

    Yes, she was unpredictably violent. I realized that everything she was — i.e., threatening, hostile, everything — is what she made me out to be. All she had to do to destroy my character was to look no further than herself, and lay her true personality traits onto me. She was, and likely still is, a master at deception.

    BTW: you did not break your anonymity.

    Good luck!

  12. You sent chills down my spine, and not bad ones. I hate to say that some of your experiences mirror some of my own with my own narcissistic sociopath psychopath sister (used all terms known because all of them apply, just left out “evil”).

    I have been pretty much no contact with her for a couple of years, but the horror of her treatment of me and my family never skips a day in revisiting my mind! Unbelievable, the lying to her children, using her children, the blatant and unrelenting character assassination and of course, always the transference (anything she did, like hang up me or not be on time, not show up at all for a prearranged event, etc., she would say that I did those things).

    You have inspired me to try to chronicle the whole 10 years or so that she really stalked me and then came in for the kill when she thought she had me right where she wanted me. She was big-time caught in a couple of her major lies, so then the pre-emptive cannons and guns came out blasting. It’s been quiet for a while because she is avoiding me now that she must sense i’m finally ready to deal with her head on. Has totally alienated her kids from me and my family, and I may never know what horrible lies they have been told.

    Why does this still keep living in my head? At least I get angry now instead of devastatingly sad and depressed. I read in another place that these people really target those who are compassionate and kind. Like you, I knew her for 40 years before I REALLY knew her. Of course, she tells everyone she never really knew ME! Typical, it sounds like.

  13. Welcome Lark,

    It’s what I call “textbook.” The sociopaths I’ve encountered, as well as stories like yours, seem to point to the fact that they all honed their “skills” by reading the same book.

    You will likely be surprised when you chronicle your history. I never realized when I began that previously dissimilar pieces of the puzzle came together to clarify the picture and became a real eye-opening experience.

    When you say it’s “been quiet for a while” — take that as a warning. I wrote an email to my sister in the summer of 2007 warning her if she did not stop spreading lies about me, I’d be forced to go public. Right after that, things went quiet for almost two years, when I realized that she spent those two years decimating my character.

    Good luck to you.

  14. What do you do when you cannot legally use the recordings in court? The courts don’t seem to want to hear what we have to say and we are so frustrated!

  15. Jo Jo,

    Federal and state laws control the use of recording devices. Federal law requires that at least one party be aware of the recording, but generally speaking, states have the final say.

    From my quick research, 11 states have apparently overruled the feds by requiring both (i.e., all) parties knowledge and agreement to the recording:

    New Hampshire

    Note: Whether or not your state is listed above, you should find out for yourself what laws govern you. I live in a state that follows the federal law, i.e., at least one party’s knowledge is required.

    Staying within your local laws should allow you to present your legal recordings as evidence in court.

    Disclaimer: I am not a legal professional. This is not intended to be the final word on any issue regarding law, especially your local laws. I googled to find the above information; I’m not sure how current or accurate it is.

  16. Your postings and advice have been very helpful, but how do you get courts to believe you if it is illegal to record any conversations? Family court does not seem to care about the emails, they didn’t want to see them. If we hire a GAL, the fear is that the kids will be coached on what to say. They have already shut down and tell us nothing of what goes on inside the home. Phone calls are always on speaker phone where they can be monitored by the sociopath and his minion.

  17. When dealing with a psychopath, it’s very difficult to get anyone to believe you. They don’t have that problem, though, since they have developed and raised their deceptive ways up to a skill, if not an art.

    In my personal experience, a psychopath will lie in court without a second thought. My ex lied on court documents, and not only did she get away with perjury, but got what she wanted … to stop supporting her children financially (stop paying child support) by manipulating and using my daughter. They have no shame, guilt or remorse.

    I wish I could give you some hope, but all mine was taken from me. The best attorneys are usually the most expensive. Evaluate your situation, determine your goals, and get the best attorney for the job. Unfortunately, that’s still no guarantee.

    The most important person in your life is you — in this time of stress, take good care of you. I wish you the best.

  18. I should add that the above information regarding federal and state laws on recording pertains specifically to telephone discussions.

    Having a hidden recorder on one’s person, and recording face-to-face, likely falls under less stringent rules — but that is determined by your locale. Check your local laws to see what governs you.

    And of course, my above disclaimer still applies.

  19. My only other question is how to let someone know that their fiancee’ is a sociopath. There is lots of evidence compiled, but we are unsure as to whether or not it would even make a difference. Can we present the evidence while still protecting ourselves?

  20. It only made sense to me that since I had nothing but substantiated truth, that I would be able to break through.

    I couldn’t have been more wrong. Your experience may vary, but my experiences were nothing but negative and fruitless.

    Try to accept that the people closest to a sociopath are their most fervent followers, i.e., disciples. On three very separate occasions, I attempted to get through to one-of-three in-laws. Two in-laws physically threatened me and one told me a completely fabricated event that I was supposed to be part of. The event never took place, but it allowed me to hear one of the hurtful lies being told about me.

    I wrote about it in a post, titled: The disciple-in-law.

  21. I agree with your reccommendation, but I wanted to hear it from someone else. I would love to leave everything alone and stay as far away as possible, but my fiancee’s daughter is living in the home with the sociopath and his disciple (my fiancee’s EX). It is so discouraging that these people get to live their lives as they please and ruin everyone else. As adults we can handle ourselves and what is thrown at us, but we worry incessantly about this little girl.

  22. Hi Larry,

    It’s me again with some more questions. I know that sociopaths do not feel fear, but his body language says that he is very uncomfortable around us, I suspect because he has not yet figured out how to take control.

    When he is at activities for the kids and around my fiancee’, he posture is stooped, he cannot make eye contact and he goes in every direction to avoid being in the same place as us. We have ignored his incessant emails that suggest we should all “get together” and find a way to be amicable for the sake of the children.

    I don’t for a second trust him and will not sit down with him, so we do not respond. Is this the proper way to deal with him?

  23. JoJo,

    You’ll have some people say “yes, it’s the proper way” and others will say “no” — I don’t know enough to be so definitive.

    I fully understand not trusting him, nor wanting to get together to shoot the breeze. But what do you risk by ignoring him? Character assassination is probably your biggest risk, ignoring or not.

    But will responding, and taking control of the relationship, place you in a better situation? It would seem that you already intimidate him, so you may be in an excellent position to come out on top. In any event, proceed with caution. IMHO

  24. Larry,

    I am reading more and more of your site, and was especially taken with what you said:

    “My experience shows a very clear line separating those who do believe and those who do not.

    “The believers have personal experience with a sociopath.

    “The non-believers have none.”

    And I totally agree with you. My experience has been that the emphasis is on the word “personal” meaning that the believers have been “targets” of sociopaths.

    I am so saddened (and scared) by your revelation that all three of your children “turned.” Some of what I have done seems to parallel the choices you made… I sacrificed career and devoted myself to providing a safe and nurturing home to my 3 children who are now in their teens… and I suppose no matter what I’ve done or have failed to do, it is largely out of my hands. That is why I am so interested in how genetics plays into this. It is so heartbreaking. This has been my life. And have the choices I’ve made all been based on lies, and I was the sucker? Does my love for my children mean nothing?

    So far, two out of the three seem OK. One of them shows disturbing signs of lack of empathy/remorse. I don’t want to give up hope, but I don’t know at which point I should. They are not adults yet. This is so exhausting. Also, the relentless onslaught of attacks (many covert, in the form of subtle and effective character assassination) from their father and his wife (both sociopaths).

    The worst part, by far, is my isolation due to this being so “unbelievable.” If nothing else, Larry, that is why this blog (and others like it) are SO valuable. You are doing a wonderful thing, providing this forum for people like us. It helps a lot, more than you probably realize.

  25. @steph…every last word you just said is EXACTLY what I am experiencing. I have one son who has a growing number of sociopathic traits and idolizes his sociopathic father.

    They are not bio related which then tells me environment and influence plays a huge role in how personality traits are developed in our children. I have been struggling through a custody dispute for the past 2 years and this son has been a behavior nightmare as he wants to stay with his father.

    I have sacrificed everything to raise my children while dealing with their father and there is nothing I can do to get my son past this and court has just agreed to allow him to live there. I am thankful I have the other two, but now my son’s future is in jeopardy and the expert evaluator doesn’t seem to have studied enough about sociopaths nor does the legal system recognize it as a custody issue.

    I would like to start raising awareness to the victims (spouses) seeking divorce or separation so that perhaps they will have the education they need to make decisions; it took too long for me to make without knowing what I was truly dealing with all these years and hope that our children will be less affected by the poison they are raised within.

  26. @ Steph

    In the distant past, when my life was hit with any kind of difficulty, I would resort to keeping a journal. It always helped me see things clearer. The only difference this time was that I decided to do it online, instead of in a notebook.

    As you said, “… providing a forum for people like us …” well, I just happened to be the first of “us” on this site. I would not have been surprised if it had no visitors, since like many of us, I felt completely alone. I was made to feel as if I were losing my mind.

    I taught myself to write those people off. Even if they are just ignorant disciples, they still represent evil to me. They can believe whatever they want, I couldn’t care less, because I think of them only in the past tense. Like history. I doubt if I could ever trust them if they came back around.

    The genetic aspect of psychopathy is the most cruel. I have no contact with my daughters, though I still maintain contact with my son. With him, I hold out cautious hope. He is what he is, but what direction he takes is yet to be seen.

    As I discovered being a single parent, the painful fact is that no matter how well we raise our children, the bad gene is more powerful. The abnormality is present at birth, but it usually doesn’t manifest itself until the teens.

    “Does my love for my children mean nothing?” Your question hit me hard. I know the answer as it relates to my situation, but everyone is different. Don’t give up hope, but do keep your eyes open. Confrontation is not recommended, as it will likely do more harm than any good. Live your life one day at a time, and enjoy every one you can.

    @ Dawn

    Do you mean your son’s father is actually a step-father? A sociopath can manipulate the smartest adults, so just imagine how much damage they can do by manipulating a child. Psychopathy itself is genetic. Your son can be taught certain traits, but that wouldn’t make him a psychopath.

    Don’t give up on him. Understand how your ex is likely conditioning him, and do not overreact. If he senses a lot of stress from you, who’s he going to gravitate to?

    Hang in there.

  27. Dawn,

    I couldn’t help thinking… could the genes come from your son’s bio-father? But also, I don’t see how we can give up on our children, at least not while they are still not yet adults.

  28. @Larry. My son is adopted. I did not know I was married to a pscyhopath at the time though the signs were all there just my knowledge wasn’t. We adopted two children that were in a foster home since birth. The son I am describing was a temper tantrum type of child who was being raised in a home of fosters coming in and out while he and my other son remained in the home.

    I have learned just recently after 9 years of parenting that my son has attachment issues and needs touch therapy. His walking was delayed because he was too sensitive to touch…too ticklish so he always backed away. He liked snuggling which we did early on so I didn’t realize he wasn’t bonding…however, since he was raised by a single foster woman he never had a male figure up until my husband walked in.

    He is loud and dramatic both in happy ways and in stern ways. My son INSTANTLY became mesmerized by his presence and I have struggled for years with both boys only listening to their father…my son out of fear and respect and my other son out of fear and dislike of my husband….those two have never bonded and so today I feel grateful as he lives with me and we have developed a bond during our divorce that we never had before.

    My temper tantrum son has always had a very keen sense of his surrounding. Places we visited only once (went to a movie theater in a part of town we never travel)…over the years when we happened to go to that part of town he would mention how he remembers being there and could tell us which streets to turn on…i was amazed…he was very small. He knows every single car in the elementary school parking lot. He can hear conversations when in another room at a whisper. He has skills that sociopaths have.

    When someone trips and falls…he laughs. When I point out how mean spirited that kind of reaction is…he then realizes and acts like he feels bad but I am unsure. He has always sought out negative attention and shouts out in class getting him in trouble for thinking he is funny. He pulls chairs out from under students and doesn’t recognize that as being bullyish. His little sister (bio related to me, but not to the boys or father) introduces him as “my mean brother”.

    I will never give up on him, but I have been following my christian faith very closely and doing a LOT of learning and studying and praying and I am thinking it may be God’s plan for him to be with his father and that is the way the courts at the moment are pushing for and just last week the new living arrangements have become a court order. We are having an update to our custody evaluation. My son’s appointment is next week and it will be interesting how he reports things are going now that for the past month he has lived split from his brother, sister, mother and just with his father and now his (from what I have learned) sociopathic girlfriend who is court ordered not to be there when the kids are but they are violating the order (because they can).

    The teachers are aware and I keep in contact with them. He has given up a lot of good influence in the things I do with my children and my family as his father is not from here and even if he was he claimed his family all died…though later i found that to be a lie. So now my son has chosen to isolate himself away from all the wholesome things I do and provide for him. He thinks he is getting it at his dads house now that he allows playmates to come over…thank god for xbox since that is what they do and these guests won’t have to detect any abnormalities while they are there.

    I have fought very hard not to be stressed around my son for the very reason you are saying Larry. It took a lot of time though and I am sure my son still detects it from time to time but for the most part I am always trying to present myself as happy, energized, and unbothered by the father.

    My son longs for a dad who his father will never be and he is also a very spiteful child and will punish himself if necessary in order to fight for what he wants.

    Since my son is adopted I do wonder what kind of genetics I am dealing with. I am unsure I could ever do any research to find out. We have been in counseling and I am always trying to study and learn about personality disorders specific to what I am dealing with. My other son has ADHD [Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder] and has been quite a journey just dealing with that.

  29. @ Steph

    At least in my case, my kids are all young adults. This has been going on for years.

  30. @ Dawn

    Is there any way to obtain genetic/hereditary information from the biological parents or their biological siblings. I know that what I ask would never be easy, but it could answer many questions.

    Also, after reading your most recent comment, have you considered Asperger’s Syndrome? My son was diagnosed with ADD at the age of six, and Asperger’s at 14. As you know, ADD/ADHD can be treated, but there is no current treatment for AS.

    Asperger’s is in the autism spectrum, and considered high-functioning autism. A psychiatrist diagnosed both conditions with my son. Kids with Asperger’s are usually very bright, just as are kids with ADD/ADHD. There’s a series of about 30 true/false questions that you would answer about your son’s character, which you could probably find at a library or online.

    For me, answering the questions were eye-opening. When my son was pre-teen, he would cringe in pain if I began to lightly rub his shoulders. That turned out to be one of the traits of Asperger’s.

  31. @steph … there could be history in his family that we don’t know about. as far as giving up…i could never do that. My parenting decisions are based on the confines of the legal process and I have learned how insensitive and caring they are for preserving the wholesome style that I have worked so hard to influence my children by.

    If we go to trial and the judge decides to keep things as is then it’s not because I didn’t go to the ends of the earth to provide all the information they needed to make the most informed decision. I have made this journey my full time effort and there will never be a day I wash my hands clean from protecting all 3 of my children. I will guide them up close and from afar.

    @Larry … I will continue to monitor and research my son’s developments regarding ADHD. It would be most beneficial to not only gain access to the many inches thick of documentation that came with both sons…with which are at the ex’s home and not yet negotiated seeing the divorce is held up by the custody dispute.

    I do have medical histories on both but i know i never read anything about ADHD or any other known condition…the son with ADHD had parents in their 20’s who were substance abusers. My son with his dad who has always been self absorbed hot tempered had teen age parents and claimed not to use any substances. Then there is my husband who I have never met any of his family members and he had two children who had MD and I have met a cousin who is not all that intelligent.

    His daughter claims to be bi-polar so there is a good chance these conditions run all over in his family hence the reason he told me they were all dead so i would never meet anyone and therefore would have avoided the marriage in the first place.

    It’s a wild and crazy journey I am on, but I am in it and will persevere.

  32. @ Dawn

    Regarding never giving up on your kids, it’s something no good parent would ever “want” to do. But it’s not always our decision. What about when they discover that you are different from them? And they give up on you?

    As a single dad and throughout her youth, my daughter and I were very close; e.g., she did not go to bed at night until I came in, chatted with her, gave her a goodnight kiss, and turned off her light. She would confide in me about things from all aspects of her life, some that surprised me.

    From the day her mom abducted her from a hospital, I haven’t seen nor spoken to my daughter since 2006.

    I recently discovered where she lived, and as I was passing one day, I saw her car out front. I decided to stop, and hopefully, sit down, chat and catch-up.

    After knocking on the door a couple minutes, it hit me that a neighbor might get suspicious and call the cops. Shortly thereafter, three patrol cars pulled up, including one K9 unit.

    I walked down the driveway to meet them halfway. As soon as the discussion began, I realized that my daughter had called 911 and told them there was a restraining order against me (that was a lie). After the female cop spoke with her in the house, she came back out and told me that my daughter wanted to file a criminal trespass warning against me.

    They handed the warning to me, and stated that if I ever step foot on the property again, I would be arrested for criminal trespass. They also told me that if they get called out again, I could additionally be arrested for stalking. That was my first (and last) time stepping on the property, and I never even saw my daughter.

    Once again the victim (me) gets treated like a predator, and that criminal trespass warning is now on my permanent record. So, in my single innocent attempt at contacting my daughter, I now have a warning on my record that presumes I must be guilty of something.

    That’s when I realized I had to let her go, something that was truly unfathomable for me to ever even consider.

    I hope the best for you.

  33. @Larry, it has taken me a long time to accept that police intervention was something I could even envision myself to be involved with.

    Throughout the marriage there were times where I should have called…very early on…and then life became tolerable because my ex learned the life of online cheating which in turn drove us to a relationship of co-habitating and what he considers co-parenting.

    Once I found out about a 2-yr relationship all the outings he went on that I was glad to see him go on suddenly became unacceptable as with proof of another woman I was not going to allow this triangle to continue especially for the fact that my children were aware of her and never told me since their father would buy me and her things on these outings and tell the children to keep quiet so he can surprise me with the item.

    The gifts he gave me were always unwelcomed because he was unemployed and our finances were suffering and even more so since he was spending what he did have on this girlfriend while also spending child support for his biological children he never raised. For the most part my children have not grown up knowing much about our (his fathers) dysfunction because they were just too young to have experienced being around other families.

    Our children were never invited to play dates and I never made them because I did not want to host. My youngest and I; however, did enjoy playdates as her birth started to remind me that I DO have a life to live and staying at home to protect my children from their father and to try to earn an income when he was spending the little he had was NOT getting us out of this “mess”.

    My son is now seeing for the past two years changes that now put emphasis on him. His father is buying them things when he never had before. Friends are coming over because someone needs to interact with them and his father certainly is not…he is too focused on talking to his girlfriend on the phone and now too busy allowing her to live there against court orders.

    It is hard to envision how things may get with him and it is quite possible he will eventually write me off. I will be there with open arms if he changes his mind, but I have put a LOT of time and devotion into him while his father hasn’t. My son has said in counseling he wishes his father would interact with him and so far it still doesn’t seem like he is, but my son doesn’t talk about it and if I were to ask he is conditioned to assume I am prying and violating court orders not to talk about the court case.

    They don’t see a difference in the “case” and “concerned parenting” so I tend to just focus on letting him tell me whatever he chooses and documenting anything I feel necessary to remember.

    The times I have called the police (just last week) I specifically told them I do not want to be present as I am not looking to put my son in between his parents. I do not know how he feels about the violations. It certainly can’t feel great that he doesn’t truly get alone time with dad that he has been fighting for with the girlfriend there, but he is also the type to endure it because he just wants his father to accept him for as much or as little as he is willing to and he is happy with that.

    I have taken him just the two of us sacrificing money I did not have to different events he wanted to attend. His father has never done such a thing. And yet…it was a waste as he appreciated none of it.

    Thank you all for the continual responses.

  34. It really is the lies which get to me. How my ex-husband and his wife can sit there and lie to people about me and are believed.

    I’m getting (slowly) to the point where I am no longer hurt by it. You know, the hurt took a long time to get over. The hurt that my husband who promised to “love, honor and cherish” me did none of those things, while I did. And that it was beyond my ability to conceive that another human being would lie about loving, honoring and cherishing. I mean, if you are going to lie — why lie about that? It just never entered my head, which is why I kept trying for so many years. Even after the divorce, I kept sending good will his way. Even after he remarried, I sent good will in HER direction, because I was certain that she was next in line to get the same treatment that I did, and I was ready to provide her answers and comfort when that day came… but it never came. To my surprise… she is worse than he is!

    So, I will never understand, but am getting my mind around accepting, that this evil exists. For what purpose, I am not sure. And also, how to get the heck away from it (when we have minor children and joint custody)… this is hell on earth.

    It is so sick and twisted, to absolutely get off on making another person’s life hell. It makes no sense.

    I am feeling angry today at the traditional psychotherapists who preach “defense mechanisms” because these sociopaths/psychopaths must have been so wounded, so young, to be lashing out like this at me (this I believed for far too many years, and it is BS). But when this is what the majority believes, it is so hard to find someone who gets it.

    Or, here’s another one I like: therapists say I need to take responsibility for the “part I played” in it all. I do take responsibility for having had all good will, naive beliefs and a desire to work on my marriage. I take responsibility for wanting to do the right thing, to forgive, to understand “his perspective.”

    Mostly, I take responsibility for being a naive fool who was raised to believe that evil doesn’t actually exist.

  35. @Steph…
    I can relate and respect your angry feelings. I am annoyed with the psychotherapists as well. For me I learned very early on that I did not love my socio-husband, but learned he put me in a position of dependency that was very hard to give up. He promised to allow me to make some changes in my life that I was having a hard time doing on my own. I was trying to change careers when we met.

    I was going to school nights and working a sales management job that was taxing and a career that was keeping me from focusing on school in order to get out. He whooshed into my life and immediately detected my needs. His narcissistic personality (that i didn’t know the definition of nor had experience to detect) came along as a man truly interested in me. He was conversational and attentive to every last word I said and he without knowing me started to deliver on his promises of helping make my life easier.

    I was guarded and yet believe in fate and felt that perhaps God was finally sending someone who will give me a hand. I do believe he did send him but not to give me a hand but to teach me a very hard core lesson. I am too naive and trusting even though I had lived on my own for years and moved far away and managed to make it a young girl in her twenties, but I did not have enough controversy in my life apparently.

    To cut to the chase, we experienced things in the first 3 years of knowing each other that people never experience, death of a son (lie), domestic situation defending his son who was being hit by the ex’s new boyfriend (lie), his parents death (lie), reposession (not his fault-lie)….that’s just the very short list. So I was not comfy in this marriage that he insisted I take part in and how life is going to be great.
    Nothing about our relationship was normal or what I had in mind. There was no such thing as sitting down and planning life, bills, parenting style…fights were hours and hours and hours where i was falling asleep and he said the same things over and over (mental manipulation/interrogation)…when I asked to be “let out of the torture” he would just keep going on and on…never heard me…heaven forbid i try to go out for a walk or drive to get away…he would guard the door.

    I lived for years having to tell him “i am just going to the bathroom!!”. If I wanted to go get milk “oh i will go so you can stay home to do your work…cuz i am helping you”…and all knowing he was on his cell phone talking/setting up sex time with whomever he could find.

    So, by the time I found out he had a steady girlfriend of 2 years I was sooo thrilled but nervous about how the transition will affect us all but there was no going back now…my family was there all waiting for years to pack my bags to get out..but..the kids…they didn’t want all this to be happening…so now two years into it..divorce is still not addressed because we are in and out of supreme court trying to settle custody arrangements and he already said from day one he wants half of everything and will not pay child support.

    So…it drags on.

    The part that aggravates me now is with all I have described to the psychotherapist doing out custody study she does NOT seem to know the dangers of a sociopath. How could she be doing this for 30+ years and not “get it”. She thinks that I must have emotional ties in this. I have NO feelings for this man and haven’t…I will do anything for my children…even my wayward son, but I certainly am not jealous of this girlfriend by any means and in fact so happy she is naive and unintelligent enough to believe him…at least i believe lies…she is believing them when she can see the truth happening in front of her…she is taking part in them and according to her ex husband (whom my husband caused the divorce of…odd to think that he could even be of interested enough to wreck a marriage) she is JUST LIKE HIM.

    So this is what my children will have as their influence when over there? there will be no monitoring of their lifestyle now and that is what I am trying to fight to protect. She is court ordered to stay away from the kids and my ex is still court ordered to stay away from her kids and their fight together is to get this stipulation lifted so they can do whatever they want without it being a violation and they flaunt and use the kids to show others how believable they are…how normal they may they can take advantage. They are spend aholics yet bills go unpaid or frauded against…this will be his 4th wife though I had no idea he was married twice before me…just once I thought.

    Thankfully, my attorney understands what I am going through as shes was the lawyer for the ex husband and learned all about my ex prior to me even being involved. Once i met her and she heard my side of the story she believes everything..I just don’t believe she is fighting hard enough though…its all strategy which to me needs to be focused on what is right for the children long term.

  36. Well I am stunned Larry, and am in a similar situation as yourself at the moment. Would there be anyway you could Email me as I would be very appreciative of any advice you could offer me. Keep safe and well…..Lynn

  37. @Dawn

    What was it that you reported to the police?

    There were times I should have called the police, but never even considered it. I was the abused husband who was covering for my abusive wife. Like when I had to go to work with a black eye, I said I walked into a cabinet door, when it was actually a sucker punch for no reason.

    As I’ve realized myself, all one can do is take one day at a time, educate ones-self, and do your best not to let things slide by. If he’s breaking the law with having his girlfriend live with him, you should talk with your attorney. That document was signed by a judge, and going against court orders is not taken lightly. All you need is a private investigator’s sworn statement that she was there when the kids were there.

    Ask for him to pay your attorney’s fees when it’s filed, and the judge may well give them to you, along with whatever else he throws a him.


    Aren’t people shallow? Yes, the way people will believe hearsay, and pass judgement based on it, is frightening. My entire extended family has banished me, and I’ve only heard bits and pieces.

    Psychopaths have a self-taught skill of coming across as completely believable while spewing nothing but lies. But I believe they become so at ease with their stories that they eventually believe them themselves. That’s why they can be so convincing. I stood face-to-face with my sister and asked her a question that I knew the answer to, and she never broke eye-contact with me while she lied through her teeth.

    If you have a therapist who preaches that BS, it’s time to find another therapist … they are all different. It may take a while, but before you get too close to another one, take the first few sessions to analyze the analyst. Ask them what their experience is with psychopathy. Ask some poignant questions. Don’t stick with someone who makes you feel as if you are part of the problem.

    It was only about a year ago that I had to “fire” my therapist, one I wasted about six months with. And when I told her that I wanted to see someone else, she stated, and I quote, “Well, I just don’t think I can offer you any help.” What I had felt, she already knew, yet she would have continued seeing me.

    Don’t be shy. Analyze them first. Move on early if you need to.


    I would be happy to offer my personal opinions here, and by using this forum, others often chime in, too … that makes a huge difference. Change any and all names if you wish, as you will remain completely anonymous. I hope you’ll consider that, as my time is so stretched that I’m behind on replying to comments; and this is all meant to be open dialog to benefit as many people as we can.

  38. @Larry. I never called police during the marriage although looking back during the first 5 yrs i now know of times i could have, but for the most part the domestic violence I encountered was financial and mental (bills never paid when insisting to creditors its their fault they didn’t deduct from the acct … always someone else’s fault … he’s even won harrassement settlement and then spent the money with the house in foreclosure status and no heat for two winters with small children … and the lies upon lies and there was sexual abuse guilting me to do things I am against … none of which i could call police over).

    I sent them over to inform him (as a third party witness much like if i hired a PI instead) of his supreme court violation. My atty was notified at the very first violation … she has been made aware of all of the previous violations when he had a suspecting lady friend (whom i am convinced is a friend with fringe benefits) babysit the throughout the divorce he has violated this and it has been brought up continuously but to now have the steady girlfriend living there when my son now lives there is the same violation but worse. All attorneys know … the judge knows … so it is taken lightly at this point. The custody evaluator also knows so I will be interested to hear her report in the next few weeks once my kids go through their second round of interviews with her and she draws her updated conclusion. I think this will end up taking another year just knowing how slow the process is.

    So far we have been divorcing and held up with a final custody determination since Nov 09…coming up on two years, but we didn’t actually have the money to file until June 2010 so its been a year and 4 months of pretrial hearings, journaling, child nightmares, stipulation violations, counseling, making my own life, learning more about my son’s adhd, enjoying my children, growing further away from my other son and a LOT of faith studying. I am christian and raised catholic now studying the lutheran faith and it has made ALL the difference.

    Not to mention this site and a few others when I didn’t even really know what this personality order was and that I was experiencing it first hand. Education, family support, patience in the legal system, and also learning how to let the savior hold my burdens … the trickiest part of this whole equation … and last but not least strategy and not let anything go unjournaled. It’s amazing how it reminds you of the journey and the details of what you’ve been through and over a period of time looking at it can remind you of how bad it was but how much better it is now … this is life’s journey that is taken one day at a time, educate, have faith, and love your kids and build the life you want for yourself despite the fact you have many hills to climb in the process…I just try to never lose site of the view up ahead which is the focus … not the obstacles/hills that get in the way.

  39. Dawn,

    Isn’t Lutheran just Catholic without the guilt? ;o)

    That’ll get me in trouble. I had to add that line of levity since I was raised Catholic, even had a Catholic education for the most part. It was at church where I first saw my dad’s persona, and how he could change personalities so quickly. I remember wondering about it at the time, but it wasn’t until this past decade that I put the two together.

    You sound almost as if you need a better attorney … the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Your attorney needs to be fighting for you.

    Go to court sometime just to sit in and watch the process. See if you can spot the powerful attorneys. It can be eye-opening. In comparison, you may determine that your attorney is doing a great job, or maybe not. But just go on a day that is for family law, not criminal law. We always had Friday court dates.

    If you see some stand-out attorneys, those that seem to get through to the judge, get their names. You just never know. You can learn a lot sitting in a court room.

  40. @Larry…yes, no guilt here…and no more memorizing without truly knowing the meaning of what I am praying about. I’ve truly been uplifted and eye opened switching but not until the divorce…through the past 10 yrs the diff between Catholic and Lutheran was…the guilt no more…but now…finding a new church family right when I first moved out was what I was called to do because He knew I wasn’t listening before…he let me take baby steps so that this entire process was truly life changing for me. I own my decisions now…before I guessed and hoped I was making the right choices….I am not one who preaches because I still don’t know enough to withstand debate and I am not the debating kind either which could have proved helpful the past 10 years but I am happy I have not lost my identity in all this.

    Re: my atty….sigh…I agree with you. But she was “sent” to me. She is the atty who represented my ex’s girlfriends husband (now ex). I didn’t originally plan to hire her but I don’t have much of an income. I have been a work from home mom for 9 years running my own business that does not support myself and three children, but it did keep us afloat when he wasn’t working and ensure I could send them to bday parties, have parties for them, gifts for xmas, school clothes, sports…etc…they really did not miss out accept they didn’t have the things their father would have supplemented to provide (nurturing, companionship, role modeling…).

    So what I have started doing is challenging her with my thoughts. She allows me to pay what I can. She doesn’t hound me for regular payments. She is 70ish and a former educator and really really understands my case (AND….she was our OLD catholic school education teacher from 30 years ago when she learned my maiden name upon my interview i knew i had to hire her even though I qualified for assigned counsel and I tell you…she is better than any assigned counsel i would have gotten…so its a shame it costs money to secure the safety of your children…she is all I have and I have faith she at least knows the case enough and when i feel I need to pressure her its when I have a check ready to hand her so she will fight…she may know the family from years past…but she IS an atty true blue…money talks.

  41. You do a very good job of explaining how these people work. Thank you. It is very difficult for anyone who has not lived through this to understand.

    One example from my life was an event that my spouse attended with his dysfunctional family. The event was far away, and would have involved taking our child out of school during an exam period, so we decided that only my spouse would go. Turns out that our child got sick, and couldn’t have gone anyways. As punishment for non-attendance at the royal court, the psychopath tried to convince my spouse that I had “made” our child sick, with the implication of some sort of noxious substance. Can you say hook, line and sinker? Our child’s illness wouldn’t have changed anything, and occurred after the arrangements had been made. We couldn’t afford the plane fare, etc.

    It made me wonder how the psychopath had jumped to such an outrageous conclusion based on nothing, unless this is something she had done to her own children. Wouldn’t doubt it. Her own son still doesn’t know why he was sick and missed a year of school during his childhood. Did he believe her because he knew that this is how his own mother behaved?

  42. Julie sounds deliberately evil as does Christopher. You’re so lucky you got away from her.

  43. Larry,

    I am married to a man that has a child with a sociopath. He has one child with her. Her first is not his and her third is not his. She tried to convince him the third was his until I had him do a DNA test.

    Since then, she has kept his biological child from him, drug him through the mud in court, and convinced everyone else that she is a victim. She accused him of raping her with one of his friends and that is why the child is not his. She has convinced the court that he needs alcohol assessment and education, anger management, and domestic violence intervention. All have to be completed in her city, which is 50 miles each way from where we live.

    She has called the police on us and said her child’s life was being threatened and that we had guns, just because we wanted her to follow court orders and pick her child up. I have never been so hopeless. I thought the truth would come out but she just keeps lying and defaming our character. We can’t get away from her.

    Are we supposed to go along with whatever she says so my husband can see his daughter or keep trying to let the court figure her out? They have been totally taken in by her up to this point.

    I am definitely scared. What would you do?

  44. This is brave! Im thankful! I cant run, i cant hide and this time, time wont heal…
    Do you have any tips for easy to wear, easy to camouflage equipment please contact me!


  45. Kris,

    Go to your local Apple store and check out the iPods. The staff there can tell you how many hours of recorded audio each model will hold, and they do hold hours.

    Then get a tiny lavalier microphone from someplace like Amazon. If you have an iPhone, it can record, too, but do not use it. You don’t want it receiving a call while it’s hidden on your body.

    Good luck.

  46. i use my itouch. the microphone was pennies on amazon. I have recordings that will come in handy FINALLY. I have over 40 recordings…put cell phone on speaker, place itouch next to it and voila. Works on your person too just make sure the microphone is in a good spot to pick up what is being said.

  47. Jerry Sandusky, another sociopath put behind bars. All his deciples, his own wife, his kids real and adopted, the Board of Directors at the college the police, Administrators ect ect have all been proven guilty. His deciples too GUILTY AS SIN. Today is a day that all of the victums are vindicated. Larry it comes down to this, God Knows The Truth. Thats whats important. Hope you are well.

    I am still undergoing tests. Specialists (my Neurologists) are now leaning towrads ALS. I hope not. Has an EEG and an EMG. Painful, I know you can relate. Next is an MRI to check for scarring of the brain and a Tissue Sample to send to the Lab. Doesnt look good so far. Keep your fingers crossed. I am getting worse by the day. Pray for me my dear friend.

    They should throw Jerry Sandusky in the same cell with Bernard Maddof. Put a video recorder in the cell. And let the World watch how and listen how two Sociopaths Bull S”t each other. Be well my dear friend. Its been rough everday I try and stay strong, but as the years and decades pass I loose hope and faith. That Invisible and Helpless feeling is taking its toll on me. Thanks for all you have done Larry, God Bless You my dearest friend.

  48. As someone who is diagnosed as bi-polar, and someone who has met many people in support groups… some who do have BPD, some who were most likely misdiagnosed, and some fakers who went to a sham doctor so they can collect a check…I get the feeling that your wife is most likely faking the bipolar part of it.

    People can have bad tempers, anger management issues and other problems that are misdiagnosed as bipolar. In fact, anger/rage is one of the few emotions a sociopath can actually feel. However, considering all the info given on your blog about her and listening to these clips, I get the sense that she is faking it….much like a lot of things that sociopaths fake. By getting herself ” diagnosed ” with it, it can be used as a tool for something bigger or as an excuse for bad behavior (unfortunately). It shouldn’t be used as an excuse, but that seems to be the trend as of late, and it disgusts me.

    But listening to her voice changes in one phone call, that does NOT signify a mood swing or BPD…at all. It sounds more like straight up crazy. We don’t swing like that, lol. It also doesn’t cause us to have different ” voices “. I’m sorry, but when she goes into that low whisper mode, it sounds pretty fucking creepy. My skin was crawling listening to it. This was not a mood swing of any kind, the fake voice is part of her deception, trying to make herself sound more like a poor little victim, or even seductive. Whatever it takes to get the job done, right?

    There has been an unfortunate rise in misdiagnosed cases of BPD, and along with that, people who don’t actually have it have been using it as an excuse to get away with all kinds of behavior and quite frankly, I’m getting really tired of those people making it harder for us to be accepted without the negative stigma attached. Just a few months ago, a man shoplifted and immediately after being caught, he was able to calmly state ” I have bipolar disorder so sometimes I can’t help myself”. I knew this was complete BS. When you are in a severe manic state that makes you do things you ” can’t help “, you are not usually aware of what is going on and would never be able to rationalize the action of theft or calmly explain to the police and news media that you have bipolar and that’s the reason you stole merchandise.

    I struggled with BPD for many years before I was diagnosed with it, it’s not pleasant for me or those around me, but I’ve finally got a somewhat of a handle on things. I don’t commit crimes, get wasted on booze or drugs, or violently attack people, but the way the news media portrays it, you’d think all BPD patients would act that way. It’s just not true for a lot of us.

  49. My ex wife is a diagnosed with ASPD. Antisocial Personality disorder. I like you, I record everything that she says. I have not used it in court but the recordings do help he to distinguish the lies from the truth. I have children with her and although she was homeless for over a year while I had that children with me, I took her back to court to motion for me to have primary custodial care. All of a sudden she had a place to live and a job. This was the second time she lied to the court and there seems to be no repercussion to her. Amazing how society looks to make the man look evil.
    Sociopaths create their own world. When caught in a lie, she regularly responded “that’s not true.” It’s so frustrating to have to deal with a person who honestly believes their owns lies, even when proven wrong. The mental health professionals that I have come in contact with have been no help at all. One of her counselors described her diagnosis as a broken leg and that I shouldn’t be angry or upset with someone that is trying to heal. Sociopath cannot recover, it’s the victims that need management skills to deal with them but there seems to be no help for us. My children live with a diagnosed depressed, kleptomaniac, sociopath. I find this ungodly frustrating. My lawyers, I have had a few, each told me that her diagnosis is meaningless and not worth to show to the court. (I have the original copy).

    Thank you for posting this. I have come across such bad information about how to deal with a sociopath. Record everything, even if you can’t use it in court, it can help you understand the lies from the truth so you can try to move on with your life.

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