Go to your local Apple store and check out the iPods. The staff there can tell you how many hours of recorded audio each model will hold, and they do hold hours.

Then get a tiny lavalier microphone from someplace like Amazon. If you have an iPhone, it can record, too, but do not use it. You don’t want it receiving a call while it’s hidden on your body.

Good luck.

Thanx-Kris

I am married to a man that has a child with a sociopath. He has one child with her. Her first is not his and her third is not his. She tried to convince him the third was his until I had him do a DNA test.

Since then, she has kept his biological child from him, drug him through the mud in court, and convinced everyone else that she is a victim. She accused him of raping her with one of his friends and that is why the child is not his. She has convinced the court that he needs alcohol assessment and education, anger management, and domestic violence intervention. All have to be completed in her city, which is 50 miles each way from where we live.

She has called the police on us and said her child’s life was being threatened and that we had guns, just because we wanted her to follow court orders and pick her child up. I have never been so hopeless. I thought the truth would come out but she just keeps lying and defaming our character. We can’t get away from her.

Are we supposed to go along with whatever she says so my husband can see his daughter or keep trying to let the court figure her out? They have been totally taken in by her up to this point.

I am definitely scared. What would you do?

One example from my life was an event that my spouse attended with his dysfunctional family. The event was far away, and would have involved taking our child out of school during an exam period, so we decided that only my spouse would go. Turns out that our child got sick, and couldn’t have gone anyways. As punishment for non-attendance at the royal court, the psychopath tried to convince my spouse that I had “made” our child sick, with the implication of some sort of noxious substance. Can you say hook, line and sinker? Our child’s illness wouldn’t have changed anything, and occurred after the arrangements had been made. We couldn’t afford the plane fare, etc.

It made me wonder how the psychopath had jumped to such an outrageous conclusion based on nothing, unless this is something she had done to her own children. Wouldn’t doubt it. Her own son still doesn’t know why he was sick and missed a year of school during his childhood. Did he believe her because he knew that this is how his own mother behaved?

Re: my atty….sigh…I agree with you. But she was “sent” to me. She is the atty who represented my ex’s girlfriends husband (now ex). I didn’t originally plan to hire her but I don’t have much of an income. I have been a work from home mom for 9 years running my own business that does not support myself and three children, but it did keep us afloat when he wasn’t working and ensure I could send them to bday parties, have parties for them, gifts for xmas, school clothes, sports…etc…they really did not miss out accept they didn’t have the things their father would have supplemented to provide (nurturing, companionship, role modeling…).

So what I have started doing is challenging her with my thoughts. She allows me to pay what I can. She doesn’t hound me for regular payments. She is 70ish and a former educator and really really understands my case (AND….she was our OLD catholic school education teacher from 30 years ago when she learned my maiden name upon my interview i knew i had to hire her even though I qualified for assigned counsel and I tell you…she is better than any assigned counsel i would have gotten…so its a shame it costs money to secure the safety of your children…she is all I have and I have faith she at least knows the case enough and when i feel I need to pressure her its when I have a check ready to hand her so she will fight…she may know the family from years past…but she IS an atty true blue…money talks.

Isn’t Lutheran just Catholic without the guilt? ;o)

That’ll get me in trouble. I had to add that line of levity since I was raised Catholic, even had a Catholic education for the most part. It was at church where I first saw my dad’s persona, and how he could change personalities so quickly. I remember wondering about it at the time, but it wasn’t until this past decade that I put the two together.

You sound almost as if you need a better attorney … the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Your attorney needs to be fighting for you.

Go to court sometime just to sit in and watch the process. See if you can spot the powerful attorneys. It can be eye-opening. In comparison, you may determine that your attorney is doing a great job, or maybe not. But just go on a day that is for family law, not criminal law. We always had Friday court dates.

If you see some stand-out attorneys, those that seem to get through to the judge, get their names. You just never know. You can learn a lot sitting in a court room.

I sent them over to inform him (as a third party witness much like if i hired a PI instead) of his supreme court violation. My atty was notified at the very first violation … she has been made aware of all of the previous violations when he had a suspecting lady friend (whom i am convinced is a friend with fringe benefits) babysit the kids..so throughout the divorce he has violated this and it has been brought up continuously but to now have the steady girlfriend living there when my son now lives there is the same violation but worse. All attorneys know … the judge knows … so it is taken lightly at this point. The custody evaluator also knows so I will be interested to hear her report in the next few weeks once my kids go through their second round of interviews with her and she draws her updated conclusion. I think this will end up taking another year just knowing how slow the process is.

So far we have been divorcing and held up with a final custody determination since Nov 09…coming up on two years, but we didn’t actually have the money to file until June 2010 so its been a year and 4 months of pretrial hearings, journaling, child nightmares, stipulation violations, counseling, making my own life, learning more about my son’s adhd, enjoying my children, growing further away from my other son and a LOT of faith studying. I am christian and raised catholic now studying the lutheran faith and it has made ALL the difference.

Not to mention this site and a few others when I didn’t even really know what this personality order was and that I was experiencing it first hand. Education, family support, patience in the legal system, and also learning how to let the savior hold my burdens … the trickiest part of this whole equation … and last but not least strategy and not let anything go unjournaled. It’s amazing how it reminds you of the journey and the details of what you’ve been through and over a period of time looking at it can remind you of how bad it was but how much better it is now … this is life’s journey that is taken one day at a time, educate, have faith, and love your kids and build the life you want for yourself despite the fact you have many hills to climb in the process…I just try to never lose site of the view up ahead which is the focus … not the obstacles/hills that get in the way.

What was it that you reported to the police?

There were times I should have called the police, but never even considered it. I was the abused husband who was covering for my abusive wife. Like when I had to go to work with a black eye, I said I walked into a cabinet door, when it was actually a sucker punch for no reason.

As I’ve realized myself, all one can do is take one day at a time, educate ones-self, and do your best not to let things slide by. If he’s breaking the law with having his girlfriend live with him, you should talk with your attorney. That document was signed by a judge, and going against court orders is not taken lightly. All you need is a private investigator’s sworn statement that she was there when the kids were there.

Ask for him to pay your attorney’s fees when it’s filed, and the judge may well give them to you, along with whatever else he throws a him.

@Steph …

Aren’t people shallow? Yes, the way people will believe hearsay, and pass judgement based on it, is frightening. My entire extended family has banished me, and I’ve only heard bits and pieces.

Psychopaths have a self-taught skill of coming across as completely believable while spewing nothing but lies. But I believe they become so at ease with their stories that they eventually believe them themselves. That’s why they can be so convincing. I stood face-to-face with my sister and asked her a question that I knew the answer to, and she never broke eye-contact with me while she lied through her teeth.

If you have a therapist who preaches that BS, it’s time to find another therapist … they are all different. It may take a while, but before you get too close to another one, take the first few sessions to analyze the analyst. Ask them what their experience is with psychopathy. Ask some poignant questions. Don’t stick with someone who makes you feel as if you are part of the problem.

It was only about a year ago that I had to “fire” my therapist, one I wasted about six months with. And when I told her that I wanted to see someone else, she stated, and I quote, “Well, I just don’t think I can offer you any help.” What I had felt, she already knew, yet she would have continued seeing me.

Don’t be shy. Analyze them first. Move on early if you need to.

@Lynn …

I would be happy to offer my personal opinions here, and by using this forum, others often chime in, too … that makes a huge difference. Change any and all names if you wish, as you will remain completely anonymous. I hope you’ll consider that, as my time is so stretched that I’m behind on replying to comments; and this is all meant to be open dialog to benefit as many people as we can.