Out of the clear blue, I received a voice mail message, a few days ago, from my brother Alan. It’s been years … not nearly long enough.

He’s a cheat and a liar, a CPA with the government, and he was executor of my parents’ Trust. He kept me out of the loop entirely. He never provided me with any of the legal documents required in the trust, and knew because of my health, it would be impossible for me to travel cross country to deal with it.

Phone Etiquette — Trust Legalities

The following call was regarding my parents’ Trust. Just prior to the August 2007 phone call, he had told me that he would no longer communicate via email with me because he knew I was using it just to keep records. Therefore, if I wanted to communicate with him, I’d need to call him.

At that point, all communication stopped since Alan never picked-up, or returned any calls. After more than a week of no communication, I called every hour on that following Sunday until his wife answered at 10PM their time.
 

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This next call came in from Alan in early April 2010. We had no voice contact during that time, and the checks he talks about, and why he wanted to explain the reason that they are late, is that they are from the Trust, from over three years ago. Alan never provided me with any Trust documents.
 
April 2010 — a voice mail message from Alan for me. I do not believe Alan and I had spoken since the call from August 2007 (below). “He’s so charming … how could he possibly be so mean and hostile?”  [sic]

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I find his remark interesting that I should have received something by now, but he’d like to confirm my address because he’s got something else to send. Wouldn’t it have been better to check before sending the first document?

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August 2007 — a phone call from me to Alan. The mean and hostile.

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Some background regarding the August 2007 call — My brother, Alan, was the executor of my parents’ Trust. He acted as if being executor meant everything was his to dole out as he pleased. And that’s what he apparently did. He even told me once that if I pissed him off, I wouldn’t get anything. He kept me completely out of the loop, as I received nothing more than a copy of the Trust after ten days of asking.

About a week or two before this call, Alan told me he would no longer reply to my emails, and that he would only communicate with me via phone. At that point, all communication ceased. This call was answered at 10pm Pacific time (1am my time). It was a Sunday, and I had been calling his number all every hour since 8am that morning. I sound surprised when Karen answers because I was. The sound of the fast rewinding tape is there because I was on hold for over a minute, and I cut out the dead time.

At the end of the call, when I referred to “do this right” I was referring to the Trust, and how I was not getting anything to keep me updated as I was legally supposed to. A good example of his arrogance, his grandiose sense of self-worth when he got angry and hung up on me because I told him he was not doing it right.

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So, I get the above phone message from Alan that he needs for me to call him, so he can explain why I’m getting some of my Trust money so late. I have no desire nor intention to speak with him. Instead, I wrote him this email. You’ll notice how this email describes the same character you hear between the two phone calls above. As if nothing ever happened …

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TO: Alan
FR: Larry
Fri, Apr 9, 2010 at 19:53

One of the most humbling, unexpected, and special moments in my life was when you asked me to be your best man. I remember I had feelings of family that I never had before. From out of nowhere, I saw us raising families, sharing times together … just nothing I could have even imagined the day before.

Everything seemed to be going great until you missed your scheduled arrival time. No one knew where you were. No one knew who to call. People were thinking the worst. A lot of time passed. Then I remember looking up and there you were, really late, and looking nothing like the last time I saw you, just the day before. It seemed as if there was a huge weight on you, and I needed to get you away from everyone as fast as I could. I got you into your dressing room, thinking things would get much better, but they didn’t.

I only remember you saying two words to me, the same two words over and over again: “Phuque off!”  That’s all you kept saying. And as I continued to lighten that weight on you, not even knowing what had caused it, I was dreading what my next responsibility would be as best man: getting up in front of the congregation and telling them there’s been a change of plans … sorry, but we need to cancel todays event.

Between you getting up to put on your tux, and all of us climbing into the limo, I have no memory of it. Nothing. I do not remember the ceremony. I do not remember standing at the alter. I remember everything before, and everything after.

And besides saving your wedding, I became the star of your wedding video. Why? Because I was watching those video guys walking all around the room, and how they were constantly being refused by those they approached. People shaking their heads “no” and looking down. What I had dreamt of being the beginning of new lives, left me with a huge hole in my heart.

Weeks, then months past, and never once did you ever even allude to it. And you never thanked me, nor did you apologize.

A few years later, you called and said you’d like to visit us on the East coast. Once again, I was so touched. I felt very far away from family, and you were going to come out of your way, with Karen, to spend some time with us. As they day got closer, I got more excited, and I heard it in your voice, too.

Then I remember seeing you and Karen walking up the driveway, Karen smiling, you just staring at me with that weight on you. You brought that weight into my home, then refused to visit. Julie, Karen and I were all talking about how we were going to get you to come down, and when the vote was tabulated, it would be me going up. Little did I know how that weight was going to detonate.

You looked so hostile when you began yelling, I left the room to avoid any physical confrontation. I was devastated. I went straight down to Karen, who was now standing, and I said, “Karen, is there anything you can do?” I can still see her face when she answered, “No, I can’t do anything when he gets like this.”

“GETS?!” Karen just nodded her head. Before long, you left, and I was sitting alone, once again my heart ripped out. And just like the previous event, you acted as if it never happened. No remorse, no compassion, no reason, no apology.

And lastly, when Kathy began her attack on me in 2003, it wasn’t long before you just joined in.

Now, what did I ever do to you?  Ever?  That is a serious question.
 

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TO: Larry
FR: Alan
Fri, Apr 9, 2010 at 20:02 (nine minutes later)

Are you going to be able to call?
 

Yes, he uses red.
 

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TO: Alan
FR: Larry
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 06:04

I guess it was a trick question since I already knew the answer: I’ve never done anything to hurt you, and even without your apologies, I let your actions slide. Of course, letting them slide did not erase the pain.

How do you explain your actions towards me? For you, I believe that would be difficult to answer, though I’ve drawn my own conclusions, which have passed every litmus test applied. Someday, you may realize the truth, and how you were so gullible to believe the lies of others. One hundred people repeating the same lie is still a lie — especially when they originate from one or two people, the same two people who have a reason to destroy me. I wonder if you’ll even feel remorse when the truth comes out. It will most likely be after I’m gone, if it does.

Since you have information to share with me, then please send it to me. If I need to get back to you with information, I’ll email it back. Are you so oblivious to what you’ve done to me, that you don’t understand why I have no desire to speak with you?
 

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TO: Larry
FR: Alan
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 11:01

I will be waiting for your call.
 

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TO: Alan
FR: Larry
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 11:04

You haven’t changed a bit. If you have official business with me, it needs to be in writing.
 

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TO: Larry
FR: Alan
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 12:12

I will be waiting for your call.
 

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TO: Alan
FR: Larry
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 12:39

Hey, while you’re waiting, why not hold your breath? You must really just want to shoot the breeze with me … I’m touched.

You lack a sense of guilt or remorse for any harm you may have caused others, instead rationalizing your behavior, blaming someone else, or denying it outright. You also lack empathy towards others in general, resulting in tactlessness, insensitivity, and contemptuousness. All of this belies your tendency to make a good, likable first impression. You have a superficial charm about you, enabled by a willingness to say anything without concern for accuracy or truth.

In General …
• Glibness
• Grandiose sense of self-worth
• Pathological lying
• Cunning/manipulative
• Lack of remorse or guilt
• Emotionally shallow
• Superficial charm
• Callous
• Lack of empathy
• Failure to accept responsibility for your own actions
  and, of course, heavy in denial about all the above.

There’s no reason for you to speak with me, so get over it.  It’s just your grandiose sense of self-worth.

 
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