Revised: 2011 Jan 18   (First published: 2010 Apr 11)
 
My brother Alan is a cheat, a liar, and the executor of my parents’ Trust … a very bad combination. Interestingly, he’s also a CPA and lead auditor with the government.

Regarding all issues with the Trust, he has kept me out of the loop entirely. Alan never provided me with any of the documents required by law, except for an emailed copy of the Trust itself, after 10-days of asking.

He emptied out my parents’ house of everything, telling me he gave all their belongings to charity … another lie, as he told me things he was in possession of. He said he never had an estate sale … a decision I don’t believe was his alone to make.

He also took my dad’s Cadillac telling me that dad gave it to him a year before he died. On more than one occasion, I asked for the VIN number though he refused to give it to me. Living on opposite coasts, along with other obstacles, he knew it would be difficult for me to challenge him.

April 2010

I received the following voice mail message from Alan regarding my parents’ Trust … a full three years after mom died (dad died the year before mom). I do not believe he and I had spoken since he hung-up on me in August 2007 (the next recording down).

April 2010 — Alan’s fake persona. Using his persona in this message told me that someone else was in the room with him, likely his wife, Karen.

Click the ‘play’ button to listen to the voice mail message:

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I find his remark interesting that I “should have gotten [something] in the mail by now” but he’d like to confirm my address because he’s got something else to send to me … a check.

Wouldn’t it have been better to confirm my address before sending the first document? Intuition tells me that this call was entirely for Karen’s ongoing deception of how he interacted with me.

I later discovered that the check was for over $7000.

August 2007

The following call, almost three years earlier, was also regarding my parents’ Trust. Just prior to that call, Alan had told me that he would no longer communicate via email because he knew I was “using it to keep records.” Therefore, if I wanted to communicate with him, I’d need to call him.

At that point, virtually all communication stopped since Alan never picked-up, or returned any calls. After more than a week of no communication, I called every hour on that following Sunday until his wife answered at 10PM their time, 1AM my time.

I sound surprised when Karen answered since I was expecting voice mail again, as I heard during the previous 14 hourly calls that day. About a full minute passed from the time Karen put down the phone to get Alan, and the time he picked up. Instead of hearing the dead air, you’ll hear the brief sound of fast-forwarding tape.

“He’s so charming … how could Alan possibly be mean and hostile?”  [sic]

August 2007 — Alan’s real personality. Alan picked-up the call in another room, since you can hear Karen hang-up the phone she answered from. He obviously wanted privacy on this call.

Click the ‘play’ button to listen to the short phone call:

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From the day mom died, Alan acted as if being Executor meant that everything was his to dole out as he pleased. And that’s what he apparently did. He even told me, “Hey, if you piss me off, you won’t get anything.” 

The first topic in the recording, where the dog-bark covers the person’s name, was about my daughter. In a brief call about 7-10 days earlier, he said he had “just seen her and she’s fine”… she was under her mother’s care, and was not supposed to be out of the state. I discovered that my daughter did indeed travel to the West coast, but when I brought it back up, he must have sensed the need for secrecy, so he lied instead. They did visit.

At the end of the call, when I referred to “do this right” I was referring to the Trust, and how I was not getting anything to keep me updated as he was legally required to do. A good example of his arrogance, his grandiose sense of self-worth, is when he got angry and rudely hung-up on me because I told him what he was doing, using his words, was “something wrong.”

Back to April 2010

Almost three years had passed. I had not spoken to Alan since he hung-up on me. Then out of the blue, he calls using his sickenly sweet persona. Since I had no desire nor intention to speak with him, I instead replied to Alan with the following email. You’ll notice how this email describes the same character you heard between the two phone calls above … as if nothing rude and nasty had ever happened previously:

TO: Alan
FR: Larry
Fri, Apr 9, 2010 at 19:53

One of the most humbling, unexpected, and special moments in my life was when you asked me to be your best man. I remember I had feelings of family that I never had before. From out of nowhere, I saw us raising families, sharing times together … just nothing I could have even imagined the day before.

Everything seemed to be going great until you missed your scheduled arrival time [for your own wedding]. No one knew where you were. No one knew who to call. People were thinking the worst. A lot of time passed. Then I remember looking up and there you were, really late, and looking nothing like the last time I saw you, just the day before. It seemed as if there was a huge weight on you, and I needed to get you away from everyone as fast as I could. I got you into your dressing room, thinking things would get much better, but they didn’t.

I only remember you saying two words to me, the same two words over and over again: “Phuque off!”  That’s all you kept saying. And as I continued to lighten that weight on you, not even knowing what had caused it, I was dreading what my next responsibility would be as best man: getting up in front of the congregation and telling them there’s been a change of plans … sorry, but we need to cancel todays event.

Between you getting up to put on your tux, and all of us climbing into the limo, I have no memory of it. Nothing. I do not remember the ceremony. I do not remember standing at the alter. I remember everything before, and everything after.

And besides saving your wedding, I became the star of your wedding video. Why? Because I was watching those video guys walking all around the room, and how they were constantly being refused by those they approached. People shaking their heads “no” and looking down. What I had dreamt of being the beginning of new lives, left me with a huge hole in my heart.

Weeks, then months past, and never once did you ever even allude to it. And you never thanked me, nor did you apologize.

A few years later, you called and said you’d like to visit us on the East coast. Once again, I was so touched. I felt very far away from family, and you were going to come out of your way, with Karen, to spend some time with us. As they day got closer, I got more excited, and I heard it in your voice, too.

Then I remember seeing you and Karen walking up the driveway, Karen smiling, you just staring at me with that weight on you. You brought that weight into my home, then refused to visit. Julie, Karen and I were all talking about how we were going to get you to come down, and when the vote was tabulated, it would be me going up. Little did I know how that weight was going to detonate.

You looked so hostile when you began yelling, I left the room to avoid any physical confrontation. I was devastated. I went straight down to Karen, who was now standing, and I said, “Karen, is there anything you can do?” I can still see her face when she answered, “No, I can’t do anything when he gets like this.”

“GETS?!” Karen just nodded her head. Before long, you left, and I was sitting alone, once again my heart ripped out. And just like the previous event, you acted as if it never happened. No remorse, no compassion, no reason, no apology.

And lastly, when Kathy began her attack on me in 2003, it wasn’t long before you just joined in.

Now, what did I ever do to you?  Ever?  That is a serious question.
 

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TO: Larry
FR: Alan
Fri, Apr 9, 2010 at 20:02 (nine minutes later)

Are you going to be able to call?
 

[Yes, he uses red.]
 

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TO: Alan
FR: Larry
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 06:04

I guess it was a trick question since I already knew the answer: I’ve never done anything to hurt you, and even without your apologies, I let your actions slide. Of course, letting them slide did not erase the pain.

How do you explain your actions towards me? For you, I believe that would be difficult to answer, though I’ve drawn my own conclusions, which have passed every litmus test applied. Someday, you may realize the truth, and how you were so gullible to believe the lies of others. One hundred people repeating the same lie is still a lie — especially when they originate from one or two people, the same two people who have a reason to destroy me. I wonder if you’ll even feel remorse when the truth comes out. It will most likely be after I’m gone, if it does.

Since you have information to share with me, then please send it to me. If I need to get back to you with information, I’ll email it back. Are you so oblivious to what you’ve done to me, that you don’t understand why I have no desire to speak with you?
 

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TO: Larry
FR: Alan
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 11:01

I will be waiting for your call.
 

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TO: Alan
FR: Larry
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 11:04

You haven’t changed a bit. If you have official business with me, it needs to be in writing.
 

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TO: Larry
FR: Alan
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 12:12

I will be waiting for your call.
 

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TO: Alan
FR: Larry
Sun, Apr 11, 2010 at 12:39

Hey, while you’re waiting, why not hold your breath? You must really just want to shoot the breeze with me … I’m touched.

You lack a sense of guilt or remorse for any harm you may have caused others, instead rationalizing your behavior, blaming someone else, or denying it outright. You also lack empathy towards others in general, resulting in tactlessness, insensitivity, and contemptuousness.

All of this belies your tendency to make a good, likable first impression. You have a superficial charm about you, enabled by a willingness to say anything without concern for accuracy or truth.

There’s no reason for you to speak with me, so get over it.  It’s just your grandiose sense of self-worth.
 

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After that he never replied; I eventually was forced to call him and confirm my address. He told me he’d send the $7000+ check.

UPDATE JAN 2011: It’s been over nine months, and after I’ve made repeated requests to both he and Karen, he still has not sent the check.

Alan is narcissistic. He still believes that the Trust is his to dole out as he pleases.
 
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