The easiest way for me to describe my childhood is my mothers nick name was “Mommy Dearest” you know like the movie but without the all the money. The one thing she told me a few years before she passed was when I was first born in the hospital I was very premature and weighted less than 2 lbs. Now more than 40 years ago they would inform the mothers that the baby had little chance of survival when they are born at that weight. There may have been some other issues going on with my health cus they had told my mother and father to arrange for my funeral which at this point my mother tells me that while I was in the hospital under the presumption I would die she went on vacation. Yes, vacation.

She politely told me that she had wanted to get away from all the stress that I had been causing her. She told me this with no guilt or remorse. Now as a mother of 4 kids one of which was born with a chronic illness thats been in and out of the hospital since birth there is no way I could ever think of leaving my child like that. When she said this to me I was in shock.

I just keep thinking how could you have done that and most of all why is she telling me this. At this point in her life when she told me she was very ill and she knew that she may not have to much time to live. To this day I question why would you tell your child this when you are on your death bed.

My ex husband was never happy, had a violent temper and was extremely controling. My daughter was 9 when her grade 4 teacher told me that my daughter wouldn’t take responsibility for her actions and was telling lies. Very young she started her mean behaviour with my son, she would pinch his cheeks hard when he was a baby if i left the room. My parents were watching them once and my daughter was kicking my son he was only a year old. She was uncontrollable from a young age, i notice drastic changes in her after the age of 3. Mean to other kids, and her brother.

By age 11 and 12 her behaviour was brutal, she could never control her temper, she was cutting herself, could never keep friends, always fighting with everyone. When i left my husband, she was 14 had started to use drugs and was totally out of control, promiscious sexual behaviour with both sexes. Stealing money off me, never going to school.

At 17 she had a child, by the time he was a year old she handed him over to me, she had been neglecting him, leaving him in his crib for hours, only feeding him bottles, not watching him (he fell down the stairs). Her latest boyfriend is a drug dealer, robber, and arsenist. She had no where to live last April and i let her move in and tried to straighten her out, what a disaster. She was going to take my grandson in a stolen car to the beach with this guy, i had to kick her out and she wouldn’t leave me alone, cops were called.

Now i want to adopt my grandson, i have full custody, but i don’t want her having anything to do with him. I do grieve my daughter, the good times, however i feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Sorry this was so long. Kathy

Several years ago, my paternal grandmother became terminally ill with cancer. My grandfather had since passed.

Grandma chose her “Golden Child” to have “Power of Attorney.”

“Golden Child” is reported by her own daughter; as having left Grandma sitting in a pile of her own feces for two days. While focusing on artfully writing herself checks in grandma’s back bedroom so that “Golden Child” could go out and gamble “high stakes” style.

As an “outside” observer? I have a lot of questions about that.

1. How did the daughter know? Why didn’t the daughter do something about it? Especially since her grandmother had given her “homes, cars, cash and land?” I mean really WTF?

2. Why does my dad even bother to tell the story? The man lived less than a quarter of a mile away. His parents had given him land, career and income. Did he not go see his mom? Or smell that she was sitting in *hit?”

3. Their brother is retired. Get’s to fly for free as a benefit. The man knows his mother is terminally ill. His wife is dead. He likes to tell the story too? Turns out the man had plenty of time to engange an “out of state” attorney on his behalf. To try and “wrestle” control from his younger sister. But yet he couldn’t seem to find the time to hop his *ss on a free plane…having no job, no wife, no other accountablities…to check on that dear ole’ mom he allegedly cared about?

So I’m talking about others; perfectly willing to open myself up for some scrutiny here in that the woman was my grandmother.

I hadn’t seen grandma in over six years. I used to regularly visit and take her shopping, even though I lived thirty miles away. On the last visit “Golden Child’s” son ran across the lawn and attacked me without provocation. He was living in his grandma’s basement, and had been diagnosed as schitophrenic. sp?

Got through the skirmish fine. Defended myself, without attacking…wishing to cause no harm.

Didn’t visit at her home again, explaining that I didn’t feel “safe” and that obviously my presence might make my cousin feel uncomfortable…Grandma decided she wasn’t willing to visit unless it was on her turf and terms. Which is atypical for the sociopathic/narcissistic spectrum. Why is it always about them?

As an aside, it doesn’t have to be. When on finally reaches the space called well, f* them! What about me?!?

So six years later, my phone rings while I’m at work an hour before grandma’s funeral. It’s my sister that’s been elected to call on my dad’s behalf…I hadn’t seen or heard from my dad in ten years at that point. Got the impression they were all only concerned that it might make them all look bad if I didn’t show up for their mother’s funeral. Do tell what will the neighbors think?

Which knowing my sister it’d be equally as plausible that she was asked to contact me from the beginning. That she just waited until the last minute; in anticipation of keeping her dad to herself.

Who knows? What I do know is that trying to read a sociopath’s mind will make one “crazy.” Their brains function differently, don’t even waste a moment trying.

So I didn’t go to the funeral. Honestly, I didn’t even shed a tear.

Indeed, I became like them. Excepting a feeling of being incredibly disturbed for weeks afterward.

What I said to my sister on the phone call? “So Grandma’s been terminally ill for three weeks. I haven’t seen her in six years. I haven’t seen my dad in ten; sounds like the perfect opportunity for a family reunion.”

“It’s exactly an hour before the funeral. I’m at work. I’m not dressed for the occassion, I could barely make it in time for the distance. You people are expecting for me to go to my boss an HOUR BEFORE THE FUNERAL; and ask to go? NO! I’m not doing that to myself, just to please “you all.”

I didn’t say this part out loud, but it’s what I felt and what was in my head. “Are you crazy?!? Are you people CRAZY!?! Because it sure as hell seems like it!”

So in the moment of learning of my grandmother’s death. I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t grief stricken…I was mad as hell. And the feeling lasted for several hours. I actually went home and threw uh, stuff. Which was very therapudic.

Lots of people who survive this type of family; who are a little closer to the wider range of human function. Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD are often issues. Those elements to life are only anger “turned in.” Anger not properly dealt with and released. Granted not in all cases, but most definately in my own. I’ve gained a lot of healthful skills over the years, I didn’t learn at home.

Long ramble, and I hope at least somewhat coherent. It’s now four years later. I’ve forgiven everyone. I haven’t heard from anyone. I haven’t tried to call anyone. Excepting I do return my sister’s contacts with the same interval, method and approach she uses. So I don’t hear from her in two months, she calls. I wait the same number of hours and days it took her to return my last call. If she calls six weeks sooner the next time, I give her a call two weeks later just to say “hi.”

I’m 100 percent convienced the greatest “tell tell” sign of a sociopath? They’re always “sorry.” You don’t even have to ask for them to be “sorry” they just usually are a little oddly and proactively ARE.

SORRY M*F uh, lovely people. ; )

Your dad is not capable of understanding the results of his actions because he’s likely incapable of feeling them himself. As someone afflicted with one of the personality disorders, he’s void of typical human emotions, so he feels the need to control others.

He rarely leaves the house without her and doesn’t like her to leave without him. She won’t go anywhere at all with me because he forbids it. He’s now trying to kill the relationship my mother and I have with my brother’s children by refusing to let us spend time with them unless he is present.

It is a miserable way to live, but I don’t think he is capable of understanding that all his nasty antics can’t kill the real love in the family.

But as kids, I don’t believe we thought much beyond who was holding the camera — that photo would have been taken by my dad. Our facial expressions seem to support what my life was already like, as well as Kathy’s relationship with dad.