This is one man’s very real story — my nightmare — beginning with my earliest memories, being physically and verbally abused by my alcoholic father, as well as his favorite and first child, my violently 
hostile, oldest sister, Kathy. Another older sister, Marcia, began her own psychological abuse against me sometime in her mid-to-late teens.
Hers were very calmly delivered, pure psychological degradation. She was very narcissistic, such as entering beauty pageants, taking modeling classes, and becoming a varsity song girl (i.e., cheer leader) in high school. She craved the attention, and would walk past me on campus as if we were complete strangers — no, actually she’d probably smile to a complete stranger.
Sometime between his teens and 20s, my younger brother, Alan, emerged with his own narcissistic and violent, sociopathic characteristics. None of us were close growing up. 
The only two siblings who maintained an ongoing relationship into adulthood were Kathy, the oldest, and Alan, the youngest. They also shared the similar violent and hostile temperaments, the charming personas, and the complete lack of compassion, morality, integrity and of course, any semblance of honesty.
It’s in our Genes … not our upbringing.
In summary, the bad gene was brought into the family from my dad’s side, and he passed it to three of his four offspring. I believe that I carry the gene, though I was the skipped generation. From what I’ve been able to gather, my dad got the bad gene from his mother’s side. The source paths don’t seem that difficult to identify, as long as one has a sufficient, if not just a minimal amount of experience to compare both parents.
Obtaining additional knowledge gathered from other branches of the family would prove very beneficial as well. And as luck would have it, I was recently contacted by a “distant cousin” from another branch of our family. He located me on Ancestry.com — a site I registered on a few years ago as a free member, and frankly, that was all I ever did. But his contact was very timely.
To tell my story completely, one must also know the physical trauma and injuries I endured, beginning with a broken back at the age of 12, and how my siblings used that to increase their character assassination of me, sometime after my hospital stay about 40 years later.
At the end of 2001, I had surgery on my back, and was infected with MRSA around my spine. Initially not even expected to survive, and after 120 days of intensive treatment, I never fully recovered. You can read all about the details leading up to that event from the links in the right column, right under MY BRUSHES WITH DEATH.
As I’ve said many times: “They kept me alive, but took away my life.”
How many sociopaths have you had in your life?
People who think they can read 10-steps on how to identify a sociopath need a reality check — it’s virtually impossible. Sociopaths are so cunning, such great actors, so manipulative, seemingly some of the nicest people around, that if you do suspect someone, there’s a good chance you identified a jerk. Sociopaths focus everything 
on hiding their true personality. They are the ones most people never suspect. Such as Bernard Madoff.
Unless you happen to witness something that sends chills up your spine — chances are you’ll never suspect anything. But if you do see something, you better hope they didn’t see you. If they discovered you witnessed something, anything, even nothing but they react from their own paranoia, it’s time for you to change jobs, or even move out of state. Because even if that individual laughs it off with an acceptable excuse, they now know you saw something that could threaten them.
The sociopath will win. They have no limits … you do.
They may even appear to become better friends with you, and that’s all it would be is “appearance.” What they could be doing is keeping a closer eye on you, and without raising your suspicions, attempt to determine exactly what you do know, what you did see, and what you will discuss. While at the same time, as they learn more about you, they could begin the process to decimate your character, spreading the most evil and malicious lies about you. So evil, that people who had associated with you, will begin to avoid you.
A sociopath takes no risks with having their public persona revealed as a fake, as that would threaten their entire lifestyle. Even if only fueled by their own paranoia, a sociopath will not wait to go on the defensive. What they do is what I call: offensive-revenge. A sociopath has virtually no boundaries or limits … they see it as a job that needs to be done, and nothing will get in their way to prevent them from achieving success. Not even the legal system.
It’s all in their public persona. Someone may present their persona at home, 24/7, just as they do everywhere else. Even a spouse can be extremely difficult to recognize as having sociopathic characteristics if they are determined to hide it from everyone, as they know even family can be a threat.
I believe that a sociopath can be so extremely ruthless, so evil, so guilt-free, that they are capable of what I call: indirect homicide. Such as a victim that became so banished and an outcast by those he considered friends, that the victim could resort to ending his own life.
And that sociopath would continue their maliciously evil lifestyle without losing a bit of sleep.
But frankly, we should really start at the beginning …
###
NEXT: Growing-up hated by my loved ones.
May 3rd, 2010 at 09:46
I stumbled upon your blog when trying to find a chat room about sociopaths.
I was riveted and read everything you had. Have you ever submitted it to any literary agents? A good guide, if you’re unfamiliar, is Jeff Herman’s Guide to publishers, literary agents and editors.
I recently fell victim to a sociopath, my assumed best friend of 4 years who launched a long and almost successful campaign to steal my husband. It wasn’t until about 6 months after that it suddenly dawned on me she is a sociopath, sort of a aha! moment when I a) learned what a long campaign it had actually been when he finally really opened up to me and added up all the evidence.
Anyway, good luck to you — if you publish, I’d love to know.
May 3rd, 2010 at 10:25
Welcome Cathy,
Thank you for the very kind words. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and have truly thought of writing a “fictional” story based on this. The only fiction would be names and places.
But I’d imagine most of who would read it would think my imagination needed to be toned down a bit, that it’s a bit too far-fetched. That’s the way most people think of it.
How could anyone as sweet as my sister, Kathy, be guilty of such heinous hostility? [sic] It’s easy if you understand Antisocial Personality Disorder. Most people don’t understand it, nor do they want to know.
Thanks again for your comments. I hope the best for you, and I’ll let you know if the book becomes a motion picture.
All the best!
Larry
June 10th, 2010 at 23:55
I AM writing a book about my ordeal in probate with my sociopathic brother and sister. Too bad I did not know about how socioopaths operate before they sued me. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It helps me to deal with the fact that I cannot deal with my siblings in a normal reasonable way. I am just a pawn in their game.
July 13th, 2010 at 06:15
Hi Karen,
I think we all have our own versions of your sentence: “… too bad I did not know about how sociopaths operate before …” I confronted my sister which told her I knew way too much.
Think back to your religion or sunday school classes from when you were a child. Did the devil ever appear to someone he wanted to destroy while he was wearing his horns, cape, and long red tail? Of course not.
Most people think sociopaths will somehow be obvious. Sociopaths are so successful because they make themselves the least obvious. I tend to believe that the devil was the first sociopath.
September 11th, 2010 at 13:00
I agree and I believe that is due in part to the dramatic and extreme nature of the word “sociopath”. Social conditioning has destroyed the credibility in the label of sociopath or psychopath. Antisocial personality disorder is too clinical, most people think of anti-socials as polar opposites of the sociopaths we know. At times when I’ve discussed the sociopaths in my life, I could see that they believed my diagnosis of those people as exaggerated. If only that was the case.
People think of them as evil serial killers and it isn’t entirely inaccurate either. I believe all sociopaths to be capable of ANYTHING. Many of them don’t act on desires like murder though as they are smart enough to know that prison will be an unpleasant experience. High-functioning sociopaths are far more frightening than the less intelligent ones who murder… they tend to be eventually imprisoned. High-functioning ones live (forever it seems) destroying the lives of their family and “friends”.
I’ve argued recently with someone who tried to blame my sister’s sociopathy on my parents and how she was raised. They ridiculed me for denying it….” there is no evil gene” he kept saying. I didn’t say there was an evil gene anyway, I believe there is a genetic and environmental component in many cases- for you, it isn’t a surprise that you had so many sociopaths in your life considering all of the children were raised by sociopaths- genetic component + abuse+ parental example= far more sociopaths than the norm.
I have only one other in my family. My mother’s sister. Her other siblings are normal. Besides my sociopath sister, I have 3 other siblings as well- none of them are sociopaths. In my opinion, one of them shows signs he is somewhere on the autism spectrum- aspergers perhaps. He is very smart but socially strange. He has a huge heart though.
My other siblings don’t speak to me because my sister has convinced them that I am the sociopath and that my parents are just too snowed by my lies to see reality. I had to stop being upset about it. My siblings are adults now and I can’t please everyone.
My life speaks for itself. Living well is the best revenge indeed.
October 18th, 2010 at 14:48
Right now I am too distraught to go into my family history w/ the sociopath/my sister….Like Larry, I was her target when she would go into her rages, etc and was often left alone with her at 11 yrs old, so my parents to get away for the weekends, where she would physically and violently abuse me….Fast forward to today, since I am dealing with an immediate situation that needs to be addressed:
Long story short, I had to get a restraining order against her for showing up at my doorstep, screaming obscenities, pounding on my doors and windows, going to my neighbors homes, while walking up and down my street calling me a “whore”….
Ok, this isn’t the only time she has humiliated and tried/and still tries to destroy me….I went immediately to the court house to get this restraining order( I had a no trespass notice, to avoid confronting her in thepast) but nowI’m living in fear for my life…. She is the most dangerous person I know and is capable of incredible evil! She has been on a one man mission to destroy me since I was a child….
My parents let her get away with hell and abusing me, because she had a “condition” and needed their help…HA! what about me? I was never protected from her or her beatings……Anyway, I am now in my 50′s and liviong in fear…I live alone, as I am widow, and now am sleeping with a knife under my pillow…I am classic PTSD too, as Larry mentioned………………………
I need help…. I isolate due to shame and trauma…It seems that the people I attract are all sociopathic….including my ex boyfriend who is hell bent on destroying me and my reputation….He and my sister both gloat and tell lies about me to everyone they meet! It’s a nightmare and I have thought of suicide….My mom died, my dad is in a nursing home and I cared for them both while they were ill….
The thing that set my sister off was the sale of my dad’s property in order to pay for his nursing home care….She was in a rage that she was not notified and did not get “her money”…..She always abused and terrorized them about money; lying and stealing credit cards, checks or whatever she could get her hands on….Now this………………….I need immediate advice, as I have no close friends who care……….
Can anyone offer me ANY advice as to what to do regarding the current situation with the restraining order??? Thank you so much for this site!!! I finally found people who understand and have gone through similar situations!
Thank you!
October 19th, 2010 at 19:26
Sandra,
The best way to deal with sociopaths is to disengage from them. I have read that restraining orders just incite them! Can you move and leave no forwarding address? If at all possible I would get as far away from them as possible.
Have you been to a doctor to be evaluated for your mental distress caused by your sister’s and ex-boyfriends abuse? If not do it now. Also keep a detailed journal of every contact, slur, rant, etc. from these people. Get a video cam mounted at your front door and record their visits. Get statements from your neighbors when they go up the street calling you names.
Give a copy of the journal to someone you trust, your pastor or a friend at church, or your Doctor. Inform your attorney if you have one. You may be able to sue them for damages for your mental distress from their harassment and abuse. However, I would not go down that road unless you cannot first RUN AWAY!!!
Good Luck.
October 22nd, 2010 at 04:38
Welcome Sandra,
Just hearing you describe such similar and debilitating pain, is extremely tough.
Karen gave excellent advice. I couldn’t say it better myself. A restraining order will only throw gasoline on the fire. You must quietly relocate, get a PO Box, and don’t have a home phone but only a cell phone. Cell phones are never listed. If you have a cell now, you can change the number by just calling your telco.
But get away from the evil. Do it with conviction. Don’t move away and let her find you, as you’d have to go through it all over again. Don’t give her any more opportunity to hurt you.
Most counties have little-to-no pay social services, including counseling and scripts for the meds you need to bring some of your overwhelmed sanity back where it needs to be. Don’t try to handle this without psychological and medical support. If you give her the chance, she will lead you to an early death. Usually if you call your local hospital, they can provide you with resources.
You can make progress … I never thought I’d see light from my pit, but there’s a little more each day. And even a tiny bit more is better than a little less.
You have the strength. Don’t forget that. Don’t let go of it.
You can do it.
Larry
@Karen, thank you.
May 19th, 2011 at 20:04
My problem is unique in that the sociopath that I have to deal with is my sister; and a quadriplegic.
In other words, other than her vengeful and acid mouth, I am the closest relative to her in the city. My other sister is in another state, far away from the situation. She has been a problem in my life since I was born. She was shot 40 years ago and left paralyzed. Her husband has just passed, and she has no caregiver except those paid.
She has manipulated me all my life. I have just recently discovered what she really is (sociopath) She lies, as quick as look at you. Right now she has me handling her money, but I fear that I may be set up in some way. I am, unfortunately, the closest relative, so I am looked upon as the person that should take care of her. She has gone through 3 caregivers already. They can only stand the abuse for about six months. The situation is almost impossible to deal with.
I do not know what to do. I cannot become her guardian because she has lied about me to so many people, that they think I am a bad person.
Help me
May 19th, 2011 at 20:33
Joyce,
The easiest resolution is often the most difficult to execute: move to another state. She apparently has already destroyed your character, and those who bought into her deceptions are likely not going to waver. Her lies are probably seeped in gaining sympathy.
If you cannot move away, then make it appear you have. Change your phone numbers, your email addresses and ignore her mail. If social services manages to contact you, be candid with them and tell them why she has no place in your life. If you have caller ID where you work, don’t pick up.
Cut all ties. She must be held accountable for her malicious actions. You’re not alone: I’ve cut all ties with my siblings.
Be resolute. You have your own life.
May 19th, 2011 at 20:43
Joyce,
I have a brother and sister who alienated our father from me, then they left him alone to drink himself to death in a filthy house.
After he died they ganged up on me, sued me for money Dad left to me, tried to prevent the administration of his estate, and we ended up at trial, a cruel and humiliating experience. I am done with them FOREVER! I think dealing with sociopaths in your family makes it harder because we want to be loving and forgiving and helpful. But sociopaths view our generosity and loving and forgiving nature as weaknesses they can exploit.
You must understand that your sister has no empathy or conscience. You must disengage from your sister, break all ties, move, do whatever it takes to get her out of your life. She is using her disability to get sympathy and maintain control over you. You sound like you feel you owe a duty to her, but you do not owe a duty to anyone who lies to you and about you, and who you think is setting you up! She will never change. You are only her plaything, her victim.
You must change your own view of this situation. She will survive, don’t let her destroy you! Don’t confront her or engage in any exchange, just stop all communication and contact NOW. Contact the bank in person and in writing, and tell them you will no longer have anything to do with your sister’s money. And don’t talk about her to anyone who may be in contact with her.
Look out for yourself! You deserve to be happy and free of her.
May 19th, 2011 at 21:29
Karen,
Thank you for chiming in. Your thoughts are right on the money.
May 19th, 2011 at 21:37
Thanks, Larry. And thanks for this blog. When I was at my wits end with my sociopath siblings, just understanding what they were helped me to get through the ordeal and finally when the trial was done last summer, then I could be free of them. I am still working on my book about it. I hope Joyce can break free of her sister.
May 19th, 2011 at 21:48
I would imagine a quadriplegic sociopath is very adept at obtaining pity. I encourage Joyce to somehow detach.
If she cannot legally become her sister’s guardian, she should thank her lucky stars because that would be the worst thing ever. I cannot imagine why she’d even consider it. Joyce, there is nothing you can do for your sister. If you leave her, she won’t be alone. She will manipulate and abuse someone else.
Just know that there is nothing in reality that you could do to fix her. It just isn’t possible.
May 19th, 2011 at 22:00
Thanks to each of you for your responses.
I know that all of you are right. I am so torn because she is a sibling, but I really wish at time that she was gone. I think I need help to deal with this. Have any of you sought psychological counseling to deal with a socipathic family member?
I am so glad that I found this site. It is comforting to be able to discuss this issue. I feel so alone. My husband does not understand how deep the issue goes, but he sees how she manipulates me. Is it wrong to hope that she will pass soon?
May 19th, 2011 at 22:30
Joyce,
Read The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout. After I read that book I understood that my siblings were sociopaths, sister a narcissist and brother a bully, and they had been lying and scheming our whole lives. They created the crisis when our elderly father was sinking into depression and drinking. Not only would they would not come to help me get Dad to a doctor, they turned him against me.
I did not seek counseling when they were putting me through hell for three years, but I probably should have. But I read the book and had supportive family and friends who saw my siblings for what they are, cold and calculating evildoers. In my opinion your sister fits the sociopath mold of lies and manipulation. And the only way to deal with sociopaths is to NOT DEAL WITH THEM. You cannot fix her, and she does not love or respect you. For your sake, and your husband’s sake, wash your hands of her.
Walk away today! Move, change your phone numbers, get caller ID, disengage completely with no explanations or confrontations. You can take control this time! Be happy and free!
May 20th, 2011 at 01:19
I have ordered the book, The Sociopath Next Door. I know it will only confirm what I already know. For once in my life, I feel as if there are people that understand what I have been going through. Thanks to all of you.
My parents died thinking they did something wrong in how she was raised. I wish they had known the truth about her. They did nothing wrong. Where does this come from? Is there a genetic component? This means that there is someone else in my family that exhibits this behavior. I have no idea who.
May 20th, 2011 at 02:55
Joyce,
I’m glad you found this site. It seems to be fairly common for one to experience shock and disbelief, then sometimes denial or even anger, when faced with such a revelation. But after going through one’s emotions, many often turn to wanting to warn the unsuspecting, and console and guide those facing reality for the first time.
I want to thank Karen and Nic — and all others who’ve contributed elsewhere — for offering their own insights, as I believe it’s the words of others that make this site what it is.
The condition is genetic. From what you said, your parents were, at most, carriers, as are you potentially, and as I am. The “bad gene” is dormant in us. The next generation is at some level of risk.
May 20th, 2011 at 07:17
Joyce,
Another good book to read is Say Goodbye to Your PDI (Personality Disordered Individuals) by Stan Kapuchinski.
He describes traits of different types of sociopaths. What I learned is that sociopaths range from mild to horrible. The absolute worst are the killers, and thankfully there are few of them. Sociopaths usually appear normal to all but their victims. They can be very charming and very successful. The books tell you how sociopaths manipulate and control their victims.
For me as a victim, the lesson I learned was that I did nothing wrong, and that I was helpless as my siblings manipulated Dad with their lies about me, and then turned on me after he died. It took awhile for me to see that I was a victim, and that there was nothing I could do to fix the situation. Not all sociopaths are as bad as my siblings, or your sister. But you can learn to recognize them and to deal with the situation by cutting all ties with them. It’s no use wishing them dead, because as the saying goes, ‘Only the Good Die Young.’
May 24th, 2011 at 21:54
Thanks to each of your for your response to my story. I read the book The Sociopath Next Door. How enlightening. There are people in this book that mirror my sister. I am feeling freedom for the first time in my life. I thought I would have to wait to get to the pearly gates to find out WHY my sibling was the way she was.
Thanks to you all, I now know. I just wish my Mother and Dad would have lived to see that they did nothing wrong. It was just dumb luck to have a daughter that was a sociopath. Thanks to you all.
May 24th, 2011 at 22:18
Joyce, I am so relieved that you now know what and who your sociopath sister is. You are Free at Last! I wish you luck in detaching from her for good, and don’t look back! Your Mom and Dad are surely looking down from Heaven with love, understanding, and encouragement for you. Be Happy and Strong!
October 28th, 2011 at 14:39
I feel sick. This describes the family I married into. We’ve gone no-contact, relocated and unlisted our phone number, got caller ID and call blocking, etc. in order to keep them away.
My mother-in-law continues to assassinate my character in blogs and comments (using her own name) on internet news sites. She has compared me to a woman who murdered her husband and jumped off a cliff with her baby, among other things. She has tried to recruit strangers on the internet to report us to child welfare authorities.
My worst fear is that the bad gene will express itself in my child’s adolescent years. I can’t imagine anything worse.
The emerging field of epigenetics does not provide any comfort at all. BTW, autism and alcoholism in precending generations are a major area of study for that emerging field. It doesn’t surprise me at all that Larry’s father was alcoholic. This is not random.
October 29th, 2011 at 14:32
@ A daughter in Law …
I agree that knowing your young children potentially having the genetics that possibly manifest the disorder during their teens is a very scary thought. I raised my kids alone, giving them all the love and support I was able to. We had a great childhood together. But when the reached their teens, there was nothing I could do.
My dad was an alcoholic as far back as I remember. I’ve never heard of your theory before, as I just attributed his drinking to self-medication. That’s when he would become very mean.
January 26th, 2012 at 15:44
Larry, you are an incredibly brave and strong person! You remind me so much of my husband, who could probably do something similar to what you have done in starting up a website to help others due to his own experience. At some point I think I will probably read every single part of this website, but I only just found it 2 days ago.
I am currently reading The Sociopath Next Door as I was looking for a way to help my husband and I deal with his sociopath ex wife in the endless battle of fighting for custody of their 2 boys. We want to expose her so badly but after reading from your website I have decided that it won’t happen and we shouldn’t even try. Since their divorce 11 years ago, we believe she has been on a mission to cause so much grief to my husband (whom I fell in love with 6 years ago) that he would kill himself.
She does not even want the children but instead cares more about keeping them from their father (because he does want them) and keeping the steady flow of income that my husband has to pay her for “disparity of earnings.” The courts have shocked us many, many times with letting her get away with lies and terrible parental judgment. She puts on a good show of being a loving, caring mother but is a monster behind closed doors with her youngest son. I wish there was a way to prove this. I looked up antisocial personality disorder and her picture was there. I could hardly believe how perfectly it described her.
I wish we could cut ties with her and move very far away, but unfortunately in a custody battle it’s a constant source of frustration in our lives that we simply cannot escape or avoid. We wonder often how far she will take things to get what she wants.
We are fortunate in that we have each other (my husband and I) although this constant battle of fighting for the boys and defending ourselves against the character assassination puts a lot of stress on our marriage. We are also grateful that God pulls us through all of this and we have to stay in almost constant prayer to keep things together and protect those boys.
Thank you for putting this website together and for helping so many people. I am heart-broken to read that your ending was not the happy ending you deserved when it came to your children. I pray for you that God continue to bless you in ways you can’t imagine and to continue using you to help so many people.
God bless you!!