I am currently reading The Sociopath Next Door as I was looking for a way to help my husband and I deal with his sociopath ex wife in the endless battle of fighting for custody of their 2 boys. We want to expose her so badly but after reading from your website I have decided that it won’t happen and we shouldn’t even try. Since their divorce 11 years ago, we believe she has been on a mission to cause so much grief to my husband (whom I fell in love with 6 years ago) that he would kill himself.

She does not even want the children but instead cares more about keeping them from their father (because he does want them) and keeping the steady flow of income that my husband has to pay her for “disparity of earnings.” The courts have shocked us many, many times with letting her get away with lies and terrible parental judgment. She puts on a good show of being a loving, caring mother but is a monster behind closed doors with her youngest son. I wish there was a way to prove this. I looked up antisocial personality disorder and her picture was there. I could hardly believe how perfectly it described her.

I wish we could cut ties with her and move very far away, but unfortunately in a custody battle it’s a constant source of frustration in our lives that we simply cannot escape or avoid. We wonder often how far she will take things to get what she wants.

We are fortunate in that we have each other (my husband and I) although this constant battle of fighting for the boys and defending ourselves against the character assassination puts a lot of stress on our marriage. We are also grateful that God pulls us through all of this and we have to stay in almost constant prayer to keep things together and protect those boys.

Thank you for putting this website together and for helping so many people. I am heart-broken to read that your ending was not the happy ending you deserved when it came to your children. I pray for you that God continue to bless you in ways you can’t imagine and to continue using you to help so many people.

God bless you!!

I agree that knowing your young children potentially having the genetics that possibly manifest the disorder during their teens is a very scary thought. I raised my kids alone, giving them all the love and support I was able to. We had a great childhood together. But when the reached their teens, there was nothing I could do.

My dad was an alcoholic as far back as I remember. I’ve never heard of your theory before, as I just attributed his drinking to self-medication. That’s when he would become very mean.

My mother-in-law continues to assassinate my character in blogs and comments (using her own name) on internet news sites. She has compared me to a woman who murdered her husband and jumped off a cliff with her baby, among other things. She has tried to recruit strangers on the internet to report us to child welfare authorities.

My worst fear is that the bad gene will express itself in my child’s adolescent years. I can’t imagine anything worse.

The emerging field of epigenetics does not provide any comfort at all. BTW, autism and alcoholism in precending generations are a major area of study for that emerging field. It doesn’t surprise me at all that Larry’s father was alcoholic. This is not random.

Thanks to you all, I now know. I just wish my Mother and Dad would have lived to see that they did nothing wrong. It was just dumb luck to have a daughter that was a sociopath. Thanks to you all.

Another good book to read is Say Goodbye to Your PDI (Personality Disordered Individuals)  by Stan Kapuchinski.

He describes traits of different types of sociopaths. What I learned is that sociopaths range from mild to horrible. The absolute worst are the killers, and thankfully there are few of them. Sociopaths usually appear normal to all but their victims. They can be very charming and very successful. The books tell you how sociopaths manipulate and control their victims.

For me as a victim, the lesson I learned was that I did nothing wrong, and that I was helpless as my siblings manipulated Dad with their lies about me, and then turned on me after he died. It took awhile for me to see that I was a victim, and that there was nothing I could do to fix the situation. Not all sociopaths are as bad as my siblings, or your sister. But you can learn to recognize them and to deal with the situation by cutting all ties with them. It’s no use wishing them dead, because as the saying goes, ‘Only the Good Die Young.’

I’m glad you found this site. It seems to be fairly common for one to experience shock and disbelief, then sometimes denial or even anger, when faced with such a revelation. But after going through one’s emotions, many often turn to wanting to warn the unsuspecting, and console and guide those facing reality for the first time.

I want to thank Karen and Nic — and all others who’ve contributed elsewhere — for offering their own insights, as I believe it’s the words of others that make this site what it is.

The condition is genetic. From what you said, your parents were, at most, carriers, as are you potentially, and as I am. The “bad gene” is dormant in us. The next generation is at some level of risk.

My parents died thinking they did something wrong in how she was raised. I wish they had known the truth about her. They did nothing wrong. Where does this come from? Is there a genetic component? This means that there is someone else in my family that exhibits this behavior. I have no idea who.

Read The Sociopath Next Door  by Martha Stout. After I read that book I understood that my siblings were sociopaths, sister a narcissist and brother a bully, and they had been lying and scheming our whole lives. They created the crisis when our elderly father was sinking into depression and drinking. Not only would they would not come to help me get Dad to a doctor, they turned him against me.

I did not seek counseling when they were putting me through hell for three years, but I probably should have. But I read the book and had supportive family and friends who saw my siblings for what they are, cold and calculating evildoers. In my opinion your sister fits the sociopath mold of lies and manipulation. And the only way to deal with sociopaths is to NOT DEAL WITH THEM. You cannot fix her, and she does not love or respect you. For your sake, and your husband’s sake, wash your hands of her.

Walk away today! Move, change your phone numbers, get caller ID, disengage completely with no explanations or confrontations. You can take control this time! Be happy and free!

I know that all of you are right. I am so torn because she is a sibling, but I really wish at time that she was gone. I think I need help to deal with this. Have any of you sought psychological counseling to deal with a socipathic family member?

I am so glad that I found this site. It is comforting to be able to discuss this issue. I feel so alone. My husband does not understand how deep the issue goes, but he sees how she manipulates me. Is it wrong to hope that she will pass soon?