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Synopsis :: REVISED: 2010 JUL 26 — A sociopath may have many, many followers, but a disciple would belong to the sociopath’s most trusted inner-circle. A disciple is completely devoted and loyal, based on a combination of being shallow, gullible, needy, as well as ignorant. They are the ultimate groupies.

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My week began with a brief call intended for my brother, Alan, but instead turned into a long call with his wife, Karen. I believe we spoke for close to two hours, something I don’t believe she and I had ever done before.

A couple days after that call, though, something hit me: an overwhelming intuition that Karen has been kept in the dark. I have no idea why that instinct took so long to arrive, but in my mind, it was unquestionable. There were parts of the conversation that I felt Karen should have been aware of, but she wasn’t. By the time the instinct arrived, I couldn’t even remember which parts they were. I only felt that darkness that surrounded her.

I can’t hold something in about someone, if I know they are being used or mistreated. There is a fine line there, since it’s not the norm to speak out, but there are the times that necessity rules. It can be a no-win situation, but I’ve had enough wins to make it worth while.

I needed to tell Karen, without any embellishment, exactly what I felt. Throughout my life, I’ve learned that my instincts are usually never wrong, and this one felt especially certain.

The second call to Karen.

Since I knew my chances of getting her at home were slim, I called her at her office. The call was not meant to last long, and I only intended to provide information, not inquire about any. In so many words, this is what I said:

“After we spoke, I had an overwhelming instinct. I have no proof whatsoever, but I felt I needed to share it with you just as an FYI — just so you can be aware of it, and I can get it off my chest. Based on parts of our discussion that you seemed unfamiliar with, I had a strong sense that you are being kept in the dark at some level. And that’s it.”

Karen’s response was one of surprise, but it included a dash of defensiveness. Within just the first few minutes, she stated, “Well I don’t have any reason to believe that Alan is lying to me …”

L: “Wait! I never said that I thought you were being lied to … I said ‘kept in the dark’ and there’s a huge difference. Kept in the dark just means you are not being told everything.”

Unlike the long call we had, Karen had dropped into a defensive mode, even though my only message had been the darkness instinct.

Figuring it was a good time to change subjects, I recalled an old question that I had always wanted to ask her, and that was regarding Alan’s behavior at their wedding, about 25 years ago, where I was best man. I asked Karen if Alan ever apologized to her, since he never did to me.¹

K: “Yes he did. Actually, Alan has changed a lot since then.“  Karen does not seem to know what a persona is, though she can unknowingly identify when Alan created his.

L: “No, he really hasn’t. Al hasn’t changed. He’s still the same.“

K: “Oh no, he has definitely changed to me.”

L: “All he’s done is modify his behavior for you … it’s for control. If he had actually changed, everyone would see it, and he would have apologized to me, too, for the way he treated me on your wedding day.”

K: “Alan told me that never happened.”

L: “What?!  Why would he bring up and explain something to you after he stated it never took place?“

K: “Al told me that you told him, and Al told me it was a lie.“

L: “Wow! You just confirmed a bunch of stuff for me. First, Al’s not just keeping you in the dark, he’s blatantly lying to you. He’s also manipulating and controlling you. And, you confirmed that he is still attacking my character.”

L: “He took an opportunity to tell you that I’m lying about something that he’s never denied to me, yet now he denies it to you in private, thus implicating me as a liar.

Tell me, Karen, when you have ever caught me lying?  I’ll answer that for you — you never have, nor has anyone else.  But since he’s your husband, you would naturally believe him, even though he’s a pathological liar. It’s just Alan taking an opportunity to continue my character assassination.”

K: “None of that proves anything to me … it’s still your word against his.”

Karen was correct. I had not provided any undeniable substantiation, but her comment made me believe that she would not go out of her way to discover the truth, especially if doing so could create a conflict with her established loyalties — her one big loyalty being Alan, her husband. Given Alan’s violent and hot-tempered demeanor, I’ve always wondered if her loyalty to him could be partially fueled by intimidation.

Karen had to get back to work, so our call ended right here. We spoke for about 15 minutes.

The best was yet to come.

During that next weekend, as I thought back to that second call with Karen, I was drawn to a comment she made, which at the time, surprised me because it off-topic. In the middle of discussing her wedding day back in the 1980s, Karen jumped to an event in 2006 which she said occurred at Kathy’s Arizona home, during the time mom was there.

Karen told me that when I called Kathy’s house and asked for mom, mom replied by saying she did not want to speak with me.

That’s a misinterpretation that I’ve heard many times since dad died, and most likely planted by Kathy with that specific goal — to be hurtful.  I told Karen that it’s commonly misunderstood, as mom did not like to speak with me in front of anyone, especially dad when he was alive.

I had the closest relationship with mom out of anyone in the family, and when mom was alone at home, we’d talk and laugh for one, even two hours until dad came home. Karen responded somewhat surprised, and got kind of quiet, at which point I moved us back to the topic we were on.

But as I thought through Karen’s comment again, something hit me as odd. I remember clearly that Karen said she was right there with mom when I had called, and that she directly heard mom say she did not want to speak with me. That’s about as close as one can get to an outright admission, since based on that, Karen had just lied to me.  That story was fabricated.

That slip-up on Karen’s part just proved her to be a sociopath’s disciple — someone who will lie to protect the person they say never lies. Additionally, it potentially added her to my list of those attacking my character, since her off-topic comment was meant to be hurtful.

How Karen almost got away with it.

You see, the event Karen described would have required that I was on the phone and calling Kathy’s house to speak with mom … but I wasn’t.  Once Kathy got mom to her house, she told me on the phone, in the most evil manner, that I would never speak with mom again … still laughing as she slammed down the phone.

After that, I called mom only at the hospital … never again at Kathy’s.

Hence, that event that Karen claimed she overheard while at Kathy’s house had never taken place. And what really surprised me, was I almost missed that Karen’s comment was a completely fabricated lie … yet it had involved me.  At this point, I’m not quite sure what to think of that.

I decided to raise the question of accuracy with Karen, via email, and ask her to confirm when it took place. I felt as if I were giving her an opportunity to come clean, or correct herself.

 

The emails …

 
2010 Jun 1, 13:52

TO: Karen
FR: Larry

Karen,

You told me about the time you were at Kathy’s, when a call came in from me, and mom said she didn’t want to take the call. That would have been in 2006.

Would you please confirm what month you witnessed that?

Thanks,
Larry

 

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2010 Jun 1, 13:56

TO: Larry
FR: Karen

Why does that matter?
 

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2010 Jun 1, 15:19

TO: Karen
FR: Larry

That’s a fair question, though I bet you know the answer to it.

But, I’ll answer it anyway, as soon as you answer mine.

And please, let’s complete this in only one more round.

Thanks.
 

 

 

 

z z z z z z z z z z z z

 

 

 

 
2010 Jun 1, 17:57

TO: Karen
FR: Larry

Am I still waiting for your answer, Karen?

 

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Frankly, I was surprised as to how drastic Karen has changed. Her reaction to getting busted turned out to match exactly the way Al reacts, less his hostility. She just quit communicating, as he does.

 
Revised: 2010 Jul 26    (First published: 2010 Jun 7)

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¹To read about Al at his own wedding, CLICK HERE.