2010.09.20

Updated 15 July 2012

Read this thoroughly. By the time you reach the end, you will hopefully realize that “avenge” is the worst thing you can do.  Your best option can be summed-up very briefly — leave town.

If anyone else encourages you to take on the sociopath, supporting you by saying you can do it — distance yourself from him or her, too.  Don’t argue, just distance. The risk you’d be incurring is far beyond whatever solace you think you’d gain.

You do not want to know how evil and vindictive a sociopath can get if you present yourself as a risk to them.  It will begin faster than you can back down. Whether they are family, or close friends you’ve had your entire life … they have no limits, whatsoever.  Nothing will keep them from using anything at their disposal.

They know many ways to destroy you — ways that would prove unimaginable. And there’s just one way for you to find out — go ahead and take them on.  It will be the biggest regret of your lifetime.

By then, you’ll begin to believe you never knew this person, because as a sociopath, you never did — it was only their persona. Trust me on this: your life will never be the same. If you are indeed dealing with a sociopath, you must place your loved ones as the top priority for their safety and welfare, as well as your own.

Please, listen to us, read the comments written by the site’s visitors, those who have been victimized. They’ve been through it all, as I have. Take it from those of us who have wished someone could have warned us like we are trying to warn you — keep walking, and do not look back.

And NEVER EVER  go back.


 

If you are like the majority, you can not believe what you just read; and hence, you seriously doubt the legitimacy of it. We were no different. I’ve included two scenarios.

 


Scenario #1

To begin this virtual encounter, let’s make you invincible and intimidating — that will make it super tough for you to lose, right?  :D

WRONG: It’ll give you absolutely no advantage
but please play along, OK?
  :(

At six-foot-five, you were the all-star linebacker right up through college … no one in their right mind messed with you. So why on earth would you just stand by and allow this petite little “lady” to take manipulate you, use you, and endlessly lie to you. You don’t see any of it, do you?!

Don’t you see the RED FLAGS? You’re being played a fool, and my gut tells me she’s not playing any innocent courting game with you, either. I’ve seen her when you haven’t, my friend, and that tiny little gal scares me. I see two different people in that body, and they don’t seem to know each other. That’s how she’s got you suckered. Wake up, man! Get your head out of those clouds, or you’ll never get it back the same … never.

Those who know how evil a malicious sociopath can be, are usually the ones who have already been wounded for life. Don’t allow others to think for you. Face value is no-value. Never drop your guard. The most successful sociopaths have mastered their skills, blend into the party as the most likable people around, and are there for a specific purpose. Whatever it is, they’ll accomplish it.

Have you determined you’re in a place that you need to get out of?

Be very careful …


Avenge Analysis A

1 Do you have an escape plan in the works?

2 Have you considered all the possible ramifications? Like these? …

3 Have you considered you will be facing someone who has no limitations in how they plan to completely destroy you? That the harder you try to take them down, the harder you, yourself, will fall? Can you imagine someone who will let nothing get in their way … not one thing, and all without a hint of remorse?

4 Will there be a trial, such as a divorce? Do you believe you’ll have an advantage because you carry all the truth and you’ll be in a court room? To them, taking the stand under oath is simply showtime. They know how to manipulate the court system, and that’s one of their most efficient weapons against you.

They believe they have nothing to lose, because, so far, they’ve never lost. You are just another in a long line of victims that will be used for as long as you offer value, and then be discarded. If they think you may be a threat someday, based on what you learned, they won’t let you go without destroying you first.

This is how they run their lives every day. What they can do to you is beyond anything you’ve ever considered. Just remember that this person is saving their most evil attack for you when you least expect it.

5 The sooner you realize what you are truly up against, the better chance you’ll have to avoid the evil they are ready to tear you down with. And if the threat comes from someone you had once considered a close friend, a family member, or an ex-lover (married or not) … don’t expect favors because of those connections … just the opposite.

From my experience, there’s a good chance those connections will play against you. The sooner you realize that it was all a malicious farce, it was entirely faked, and that you never really knew the person other than what they acted out for you … the sooner you accept that true reality, that’s when you will see your fate.

You didn’t know this, but you were always expendable and disposable. Their daily lives are spent focused on controlling you and others. As soon as you skip all the other exercises above and focus on your escape plan, you’ll have the best chance to avoid the shocking evil that this vile individual has prepared to unload upon you.

You cannot allow it to begin, or it will never stop. You must be pro-active now. If you believe that your situation could turn violent, or already has, your number ONE responsibility is YOU. Keep you and your loved ones safe. That may mean you will need to move away … be prepared.

6 So, first-things-first — have you completed your escape strategy?
 


Avenge Analysis B

Do you still believe the danger is over-blown?

If after reading the above scenario, you are still not convinced of the danger posed by a harmless-looking sociopath, the following may add some credence. Below is a much more candid and extreme scenario, though still a very realistic possibility of the victim’s risks. The contributing factors would include the sociopath’s own instability, his history of unknown illegal and immoral activities, and how the sociopath sees you within his own risk comfort level.

Just ask yourself if you’d want to risk pissing off someone who is void of any feelings, someone who has never experienced even the slightest sense of remorse, regret or shame for the extremely malicious, and sometimes violent attacks he has unleashed upon others. Whether his fears about you can be justified, or are completely fueled by paranoia, it’s all the same to him. He now considers you the biggest risk to his future; hence, you just became #1 on his “to-do” list.

Do you really want to go there?

No matter who you are, how powerful you are, what profession you’re in, how smart you think you are, how many friends you have, no matter what you think or what anyone tells you, the odds are entirely against your success.

A sociopath has no limits, whatsoever. Additionally, this sociopath has an enormous amount of fabricated deception and bad deeds to protect from his history. You know virtually nothing about what else he’s done. Yet, your own risk level is directly proportionate to the other bad deeds he’s perpetrated — so you do not even have a hint as to what your risk level is.  Does “drive by” take on a different meaning here?

What he knows all too well, yet you don’t have a clue of, is his own history of bad deeds. Getting your vindication would be the same as he being completely exposed as a sociopath … he’ll never let that happen; he can’t let it happen if he wants to live freely.

Obviously, exposure would not be anything this sociopath would easily accept. Chances are, you would have been reported missing some time ago, and your sociopath would be on to other projects. His public persona is gold to him. He must make sure it stays in place, and keeps that shine.

You have become a real threat to his warped sanctity.

If he gets clued-in that you’re planning something, he will not wait to go on the defensive. He knows what is at risk — something you don’t — and he’ll begin with, what I call, offensive-revenge.

Your success would lead to destroying his life, and potentially incarceration. Depending on what would be revealed about his past, such as white-collar crimes, he would have everything to lose. So there’s another thing he knows quite well, but you don’t have a clue — the gravity of his past deeds.

What would happen to him if you were successful in your vindication and exposure?  If guilty of white-collar crimes, he could theoretically be sentenced to multiple prison terms, essentially making it a life sentence, similar to how Bernard Madoff will finish the rest of his life. That nice little old man, Bernie Madoff, was able to convince investors — from elderly widows, to large international investment firms — to hand over huge amounts of investment capital, to the tune of US$50,000,000,000.00 (fifty billion dollars) to one little old man, who spent it freely on a lavish lifestyle with his wife. He’d party with those he stole from. He never showed remorse.

Do not take this lightly.

You will be risking emotional suicide, if not more. There is nothing I can give you as a comparison, because there is truly nothing that even comes close to the utter determination of success, the elimination of any obstacles, his maliciously-evil drive for offensive-revenge, his complete lack of any feelings as to how he will destroy you, what he will do to accomplish it, and how it will leave you.
 

continued: What you don’t know about your sociopath.
###
 

NOTE: I use the male gender (e.g., he, him, etc.) throughout this post. Please understand, though, that women afflicted with the same personality disorders (also referred to as sociopaths or psychopaths) are fully capable of being equally, if not more malicious, dangerous, and ruthless. The most evil sociopaths in my life are female.

250 Responses to “What’s my best option to avenge a sociopath?”

  1. Tabs Says:

    Good stuff as always.
    i walk away but it’s never over.

  2. Larry Says:

    Then just drag that comfortable overstuffed chair to your desk. The next post is always just around the corner.

  3. Phillip Says:

    This article is true.

    Also Larry, you are absolutely right about these types gaining disciples.
    I called today at the place of work of the sociopath I know because I saw him post nude photos of himself online at his advertising sales positions. I called his boss. When I told him that R. is a sociopath … he giggled.

    Well, I overreacted and normally wouldn’t do something so direct especially since this is a local telemarketing company that hires felons who have just been released, sex offenders and the like…lunch break at this company looks like prison recreation time…very scary.

    Anyways, the guy took a look at the site. He never called me back but instead this “manager” gave my unlisted telephone number to R. who called me, threatened me, and claimed that I had called and threatened both he and his manager.

    NOTE: I’m just writing to say … this article is right … don’t ever take on a sociopath … run. They have too many followers, as well as a growing number of disciples to back up their lies.

  4. Claire Says:

    I tried to expose my ex for what he was, a philandering evil sociopathic weak little man. I told everyone we knew, I posted it on my social network page, I wanted everyone to know.

    He has reunited with his wife now. I found out that his wife had several affairs behind his back when they were together. I spoke with the guy that his wife had had an affair with. My Exes wife is a Sociopath also, and damaged this guy quite badly. We decided the best way to get revenge was to tell my ex what had been going on. With details of times, places etc. So we did.

    I wanted revenge on him, I knew this knowledge would ruin his relationship with his wife forever, that he would never leave her, but he would never be able to forget what i had written. I know it will be with him forever. The idea that a WOMAN would do that behind his back and get away with it would punish him forever.

    I did not hear anything from them for a month and then yesterday i got a call from my gym manager. My exs wife goes to the same gym as me. She had made an official complaint about me, told them i had threatend her in the changerooms, that i stalk her and that stand over her. She also said that i had an affair with her husband. All of this of course was lies.

    I went to the gym manager and told them what she was like. I told them that when i was with her husband she sent texts saying that she was going to destroy me,that she had made threats to slit my throat. that she was going to make allegations of peadophilea against me because she hated me spending time with her children. I exposed her to them for who she is. She is not the poor little scared blonde woman that feared for her life. I reported the incident to the police and gave them all her details.

    These people think they are smart, think they are one step ahead, they are not. My ex partner is half my size, as is his wife, I am not afraid of what they will do to me physically, I am concerned for what they will do to me in my day to day life. His wife i now realise is getting at me for causing such grief for her at home. That was not my intention, but again i dont really care. These two people deserve eachother.

    I want them to stay together forever so they can have as little effect on others lives as possible. I want them to live in their paranoid, untrusting home, suspicious all the time and on edge. That is my greatest revenge.

    That was why i sent the email.

  5. Nic Says:

    This site looks much like my journal. Only a couple of differences, actually … your disciples, I refer to as minions. My greatest revenge? Living well. While it is often difficult to get up each morning, what hasn’t killed me has apparently made me stronger. In realizing that my sister was a sociopath, I researched for days on end trying to understand how I’d been willing to endure her abuse for decades without just giving up. At that point, I could finally see.

    I was dating a sociopath and had discovered my best friend was sleeping with my boyfriend. Then I discovered that my sister was as well. Then I discovered he had yet another girlfriend…. although I’d never met this person, my sister befriended her immediately. She provided personal info, my address and my phone number. The girl came to my house regularly for nearly a year screaming and threatening me. I became a recluse as a result and eventually I had to obtain a restraining order. I thought “how could this be…. nobody has this many sociopaths in their lives all at once, was God testing me?”

    I did come to understand that growing up with a sociopathic sibling- whether we were aware at the time or not- desensitized me to the abuse I was receiving from my boyfriend and my best friend. I was so accustomed to the horrific treatment by my sister, which was always blamed on me, that I’d found comfort in familiarity.

    I may have read every book on sociopathy and malignant narcissism, but until I read “The Sociopath Next Door” and “Without Conscience”, I wasn’t ready to accept it. I read both books in the same day and that was two years ago. I have no contact with the ex-boyfriend (had to change my number 7 times), my ex-best friend, or my sister. Occasionally, she sends the police to my home for yet another ridiculous allegation. So far, I’ve lived in a crack house (I live in Montana, while there may be some crack here somewhere, nobody I know has ever seen it), I am an abusive mother, a prostitute, a madam, a kidnapper, and a drug dealer.

    She’s abused ever law enforcement entity from the sheriff, US marshals, detectives, DFS, etc. I ignored it for years, but when I had police cars at my home for 6 days in a week, I decided I had to move. Because my daughter’s father lives here (and he is a great father, a great friend of mine despite the situation with my sister), I’m not able to move until she graduates from High School…. which is in quite a few more years.

    I did move to a completely different area of town and so far, only my parents know where I live. My parents and grandmother believe me completely as they’ve all been on the receiving end of her wrath as well…. but they know her emphasis is always directed toward me. My other siblings won’t speak to me. I’m always good enough to do all of the graphic design work they need- for free- but other than that, we have no contact.

    I could go on and on, sorry to continue on. I guess I just really wanted to say that after the blinders are lifted, there is no turning back. There is no helping a sociopath, in fact; attempts to do so are not only dangerous to those around the sociopath, but they generally also give her (I always refer to them as “her”) some practice at manipulating a professional. Generally, they win. Don’t ever fight with a sociopath… unless you are lacking a conscience as well, you haven’t a chance.

    Life is pretty empty since everything feel apart two years ago, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world now. Those red flags that passed me by for so many years are now crystal clear and I don’t intend to make those mistakes again…. although we know we aren’t immune either. Sociopaths have an extra sense, they know what we want and need more than we do ourselves.

    I haven’t dated since that guy and although I’m 34, I’ve accepted that I will be alone forever. I’m ok with that. I doubt I could ever trust anyone again anyway. My sister has always interfered with every relationship I’ve ever been in…. life is so much better without contact from her.

    I wish you all the best…. sociopaths leave misery and destruction in their wake. You find out quickly that being alone is far better than being with someone who isn’t even real. It is unbelievable how many innocent lives are influenced by these soulless creatures.

    One last thing… make sure you realize that they aren’t mentally ill. They know the difference between right and wrong, they simply choose which path suits them best at that time. There is a huge difference between mental illness and pure evil.

  6. Larry Says:

    Hello Nic,

    We all experience such similar events with our sociopaths. Some of what you wrote could have been about me. I’m glad you’ve found the strength to move on, but like you said, you’ll probably never be in a relationship again … something I’ve accepted about myself, too.

    I do have one question for you to clarify, if you would, please: where did you come across the definition of “mentally ill” as knowing the difference between right and wrong?

    Thanks.

  7. Nic Says:

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that was the definition of mentally ill. I really just meant that they aren’t insane- they know the difference between reality and fantasy and right and wrong. Which, in a sense, is certainly a mental illness of its own.

    I feel like labeling them as mentally ill almost excuses their behavior- it isn’t like they are schizophrenic, they aren’t hearing voices in their heads, they aren’t being compelled by an unknown force- they are simply EVIL.

    That’s how I see it anyway. Maybe that is my own personal way of accepting that I can’t help them and shouldn’t even try because it puts me at significant risk.

  8. Larry Says:

    Nic,

    There’s not only no helping a sociopath, but attempting the same with their disciples can be equally dangerous, or at the very least, downright frustrating. In my case, there was one week that I had the opportunity to speak with both my sister-in-law, and son-in-law.

    Neither turned out anything like I had imagined. It wasn’t the goal with Karen, my sister-in-law, but that’s where it went. I covered it in this post.

    Then I specifically attempted to contact Sarah’s husband, Nick. I will post that soon. See if anyone else thinks he physically threatened me, too. Although I had not spoken to him in 7-8 years, he apparently still knows more about me than I do.

    Larry

  9. occam Says:

    Nic said it: “EVIL”…. no need to split hairs or debate the meaning of the word or the concept, it is what it is and no matter what you call it, sociopaths are not “ill” or handicapped, disabled or unfortunate. The mental health community needs to define it as an illness to support a fundamental building block of human logic and reason…”The Just World Theory” is critical to our understanding of reality and if people in general were to really understand the evolution that sociopaths represent, we would have to come to terms with reality of being what essentially amounts to “prey”…

    We enjoy a level of comfort and overall serenity in our day to day lives that comes with being the “dominant” species…but the truth is we aren’t. We are not all “equal” and do not have the same capacities. True sociopaths are people with all of the “strengths” and none of the “weights” to hold them down.

    So what are we to do? Your advice, to basically “run for your life” is exactly what the establishment suggests. Essentially,
    cut your losses, learn your lesson, and avoid it in the future.
    Anyone reading this should ask themselves however, what this strategy leads to…? Sociopaths aren’t going to stop hunting the rest of us…and of course, sociopaths..”evil” if you will, thrive on societies understanding and forgiveness.

    I’m not going to make any suggestions nor offer advice… I only wish to give anyone reading this the inspiration to consider a different view of reality by considering the following:

    Sociopaths thrive (perhaps by there own design) on our general belief that we as a society, as a culture, as human beings have “evolved” intellectually and as such, we should strive to be in complete control of our emotions and NEVER under any circumstances should we even consider using our physical ability to facilitate any type of “tangible” response… we have even stigmatized the very suggestion of tangible action and given it a negatively suggestive label…”violence”

    It wasn’t that long ago that even in the most sophisticated societies, if you abused someone intellectually, insulted them, humiliated them, slandered them etc. there were actually consequences for your actions and you would have to answer for what you had done…i.e. if you insult my wife, it’s pistols at dawn.

    Sociopaths are uniquely equipped for intellectual and psychological warfare….the only thing they truly fear is reality. In a world where there are no tangible consequences for their actions, sociopaths will continue thrive on the subjective and intangible reality of a society governed exclusively by intellect and emotion… You can try to run and hide…but if the few of us who have gained the gift of “sight” as the result of being victimized by a sociopath choose to ignore what we know to be true, I fear that it is inevitable that we are all doomed to suffer through life as “living prey” wandering in this house of mirrors they are adding onto everyday…

  10. xandria Says:

    Please contact me by email, my story is sooooo long and I want your opinion on my situation.

    Are all con-artist’s sociopaths? He speaks about people he doesn’t know as victims… he has a gambling addiction, so I am wonder if all his bad behaviour is the result of the gambling or if he is just evil and the gambling maybe brings it out more…

    Please contact me, I have a lot of questions.

  11. Larry Says:

    Xandria,

    Due to the sheer number of comments and my limited time, I can only respond online to posted comments. This allows anyone else to participate in the discussion, as well as potentially help others, too.

    I’m sorry but I just cannot respond privately.

  12. Meg Says:

    Wow, yeah…this is really true. I managed to date a guy for a bit over 2 years who totally fucked me over.

    I was young and niave. I had no clue someone could be so evil. He pretty much stalked me and has went completely out of his way to try to ruine my life…I never thought someone could have no remorse, eventually I found out the man I was in love with was never real…his stories, I found out he lives like 3 different lives and hes only 23…

    I was to heartbroken and shocked at the time… Idk, eventually I realized after not being with him for a while and he’s still trying to hurt me and stalk me on the net while he’s acting like he’s totally in love with some new chick and claiming that I’m crazy *even though all I say is to stay out of my life** and trying to get close to my family and friends (he moved around my hometown).

    I’m just going to change my email address and move to a different state. I’m sure once I’m out of sight long enough, eventually he’ll (sadly for them) find someone else to try to screw with.

  13. Larry Says:

    Meg,

    Your conclusion is the correct one. For your own wellbeing, hopefully you can make it happen: you can move and vanish from this guy’s ability to contact you. But even then, it’s not over.

    Do not tell anyone where you’ve gone except those who truly need to know. He would likely play-up to people he knows you associate with and attempt to get your contact info in any way he could.

    You need to lie low for at least a year, as a sociopath’s will is one of determination. As he has set-out to destroy you, he will not give in easily. I wish you the best. Please stay in touch and update your progress.

  14. Johnathan Says:

    This is almost right. My ex gf has cheated on every guy, cruel lies about her n her fam to cover up her shit.

    She’s gotten all these guys jumped n beat up by bigger guys who soon found out she was evil also. THE TRUTH IS she did more then ya’ll can could ever imagine to me. BUT she built up an ARMY OF ENEMY’S and she fucked with me way… passed the line.

    I recorded her a milion times, got every she fucked over, letters, emails, texts and etc. SAVED IT. EXPOSED HER WHILE SHE LIED n LIED n tried to set me up to get jumped. I have well over 6 figures in the bank now.

    I COMPLETELY DESTROYED HER AND SHE LEFT and her family won’t even talk to her. I’m a very humble guy n its the 1st time I ever detroyed some1. She had every traits of a sociopath x 100. Be like 50 cent and detroy that Sociopath.

    I FEAR NO MAN AFTER DEALING WITH THAT WHORE

  15. Meg Says:

    Johnathan,

    Wow, you do realize that she will probably want revenge from you if she a actual sociopath, right?

    No offense but it almost sounds like you are too….

  16. TK Says:

    Thanks for the timely reminder. This post is what drew me to your site.

    It’s been 7 years now since leaving and breaking off all contact with my sociopathic ex business partner. As time goes by it is easier and easier to not think about him or what he did. But I still have relapses when I get really angry and want revenge.

    He took a perfectly healthy business, one that I had put my heart and soul in, and just threw it away because it no longer suited his grandiose ego-feeding schemes. He wanted to take the business 180 degrees away from the path we supposedly agreed to, got super abusive when I disagreed, and bullied me out of the business.

    When I resigned, he even had the heartless gall to say that was the best case scenario, and immediate asked that I continue to do work at a discounted rate for him! No “thank you” “it must be hard for you” etc. No humanity.

    He took what was to be my life’s work, corrupted and poisoned it, then threw it away. He destroyed my self esteem and damaged my reputation. He damaged clients’ businesses – damage that I had to fix after he swanned off to do something else. He made grandiose and glib comments about treating me right, and eventually walked away with all the profits. Such is self righteous, self justifying evil this man was/is.

    No, I will not actually take revenge for the reasons you have outlined so clearly. Anything that is perceived as a threat to his world is immediately and viciously counteracted with anything and everything. He has no accountability, even to the law.

    Even when I was trying to leave, and we were trying to settle the profit split, he was deviously manipulating every and any excuse to get more of the pie himself. In front of our accountant no less. And meanwhile I had to suffer him saying how he was generous, and equitable, and would fast track everything. Lies lies lies more damned lies.

    He wont even acknowledge any of my contributions – glibly dismissing them as “oh you were paid to do all that”. and instead would turn eahc of those discussions into how HE was the one who did everything, how HIS ideas were incalculably valuable etc. How do I get over this sense of indignation at his blatant lies and violations?!!!

    I know he is mentally ill. He is doing what comes naturally to him – he is evil by the general definition. And he doesnt know it. I know there was no way I could have seen what was coming. It still infuriates me sometimes.

    Thankfully there’s been no contact. I not only left the city but the country! I am still struggling to reinvent a new path for my career – thats how much damage he has caused. On bad days I feel numb and have no passion for anything I am doing. All the passion and life I had invested in that business he just threw away, just like that. He even had the nerve to say “Oh, I had always planned to shut it down” when I confronted him about it. He had me convinced I was useless and holding the business back; and that HIS way was the only way forward. And his way meant – shut the business down!!!

    I know the best revenge is to live my best life. I sometimes just dont know what that is any more. Sometimes I am fearful I would meet another sociopath again. I would be more prepared, but I dont think I can deal with that situation again where someone can just decimate everything and happily walk away.

  17. Larry Says:

    Welcome TK.

    You’ve certainly been through it. For your sake, I’m glad you decided against revenge. Revenge can be such a strong desire — albeit a bad one — since they leave their victims in a long-term, terribly denigrated state, yet they just move on and do it again. They truly believe they’re above the law, and frankly, they virtually are.

    Thank you.

  18. TK Says:

    Thanks Larry.

    No I will not act on my thoughts for revenge. There is no justice as far as the law is concerned. That and the nature of the business and the size of the business means even if he did do illegal and unethical things no one will give a flying f*** anyway.

    So you are right, he is virtually above the law. And most people will probably believe whatever f**ed up version of the story he will concoct – just like I believed him, and the business coach we had believed him. He will likely turn most people onto his side – temporarily, but long enough to cause me more damage.

    I will restrict revenge to my fantasies…

    It is interesting, after so many years, I can now begin to be angry AT him, and hate him for what he did. Only recently i could accept that I wasnt the problem – he was the f**ed up person!!! And he left this exact same trail of destruction with all of his prev professional and personal relationships!!!

    Forget the words, look at the actions!

  19. Larry Says:

    @TK

    “Forget the words, look at the actions!”

    Perfect. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Unfortunately, “words” are what they thoroughly excel at to manipulate others.

  20. Louis Says:

    I hope that I am not the only non-sociopath who finds this type of post to be somewhat frustrating and patronizing, even though it is informative and the advice is good for most people. As a PhD student in clinical psychology who is still trying to heal almost 3 years after a 6 month “relationship” with one of them, I am well aware that they present a false persona and feel no connection to anyone.

    I may never really experience love now, thanks to that. In addition, I feel a hell of a lot less emotions in general than I used to before I got used. My capacity to empathize and connect with others has been irreparably damaged. Upon reading this you may surmise that I have become a little bit like one of them, like a sociopath. I would say that this is correct; I don’t connect with people with the same depth that I used to feel, and I don’t feel much in comparison to how I used to feel emotions.

    However, I wasn’t born this way. I grew up a very emotionally sensitive person and I fell deeply in love when it happened. This, I think, is why it hurt me so much. I recognize this and I dislike it but there’s nothing I can do now except to hurt sociopaths whenever possible. I truly do hate them, and it is very unpleasant to hate. I would do anything to erase it, make it go away, make myself forget, but like an ugly scar it is there every god damn day when I wake up and it never leaves me.

    I think that most of us on this site have learned the hard way already that our prior connections with sociopaths are always ATTEMPTED to be used against us, until, that is, we get sly.

    I admit that I will never pursue revenge against the one that got me. It’s too late for that, I don’t want to go to prison over it, if I had my way I surely would, and according to what I hear his life is turning out shitty enough anyway that I will eventually just sit back and laugh at his pathetic, tragic, wasted excuse for a life and when that happens, guess what? I WIN.

    However, in addition to this, I DO take out my rage and sorrow on every sociopath I encounter now. I have learned a LOT about them. I know how they work. I can identify them very quickly now, and I hurt them any way that I can before they know what’s coming or who I am. No one will ever convince me that they do not deserve it. It is a powerful and addictive feeling to make one of them upset and at the same time powerless. I have good friends who have proven trustworthy and who know that I am right when I tell them “this person we were just speaking with is a psychopath.”

    They hurt us every day of their wretched little lives, it’s only fitting that once in a while we should do it to them even though in the grand scheme of things we are always much richer than they are. By richer, in this instance, I don’t mean financially but rather richer in terms of the breadth and depth of human interpersonal experience, emotions, etc that they will never even taste no matter what they do, ever. A lot of people think that this is really why they do so many awful things to us. They cannot love. They envy.

    At least they don’t have memories of what it was like. I do. As I rub my thumb and index finger together in front of my computer screen, I think, “this is the sound of the world’s smallest !@#$ing violin playing just for you, poor little sociopaths. Just as you do for me, I have NO compassion for you.”

    And I don’t. I actually think that we should round them all up and kill them. The sooner the better. Kill the adults first, and then routinely screen children at ages 10 and 15, etc, killing off sociopaths as they are identified. You may think that this sounds like genocide, but you have to remember that sociopaths really aren’t people, they are horrible predators in people suits. The term “genocide” should be reserved for crimes against HUMANITY only. We cannot coexist with sociopaths. Look at what they do to us.

    In any case, we are absolutely on the cusp of being able to reliably identify psychopaths with portable fMRI technology. I’m curious as to how my test result might look, but I would still be for the “kill all sociopaths” policy even if it meant I would be killed too. I’d do anything to hurt them on such a grand scale. Anything. There is already a pretty good fMRI testing method currently being researched for use with prison inmates. Forget about Hare’s checklist, it’s garbage unless you know what you’re doing, and then you wouldn’t need it.

    K that’s all for now. Cheers!

  21. Freddy Flintstone Says:

    I lived with a sociopath for 5 years, he acted like he was my best friend while I was paying for everything.

    As soon as I lost my job (at the same time he got a really good one) and I asked him to contribute, he left. We didn’t have a row or anything. he just packed his bags and didn’t look back. He found another ‘sponsor’. He has not contacted me since. This is the guy I paid for every holiday, meal out, utilities, shared my every thought with, expected to live out my life with.

    GONE with no contact just when I couldn’t fund him anymore. When I contacted him to pay back a loan (in tens of thousands of dollars) he got abusive, called me all sorts of names and told me never to contact him again. He said if I went through the courts he would say it was a gift as he has love letters from me. I now question every decision I make and every new person who comes into my life.

    Looking at his life now, he doesn’t have friends, he has ‘followers’ who ‘love him’. He is a very charismatic dance teacher with a stellar career as a performer and no-one would believe what he did to me.

  22. Larry Says:

    Louis,

    I guess I can understand why you refer to my post as “frustrating and patronizing” even though you follow it with “it is informative and the advice is good”.

    As a doctoral student in clinical psychology, you are taught and do research from a very therapudic perspective. Additionally, you are what I would consider rare … you are also the victim of a sociopath.

    With your personal experience, along with your education, I wish you were locally in practice, as you would be able to understand. No professional I have sought out for therapy has a clue.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that they do not believe me, with one even telling me she had no idea how to repond. I believe that most people who find this site are looking for more of a real world understanding of why their real world seems upsidedown.

    I write from a level of experience, from my heart, with the purpose of helping others understand what they are truly dealing with. I write in a way that would have helped me. I am in no way writing from a level of superiority, though I must write knowing that individials will each grasp the magnitude of their situation in their own way. One key will not fit all doors.

    Thank you for your comment. I hope you’ll contribute more.

  23. Larry Says:

    Freddy,

    To me, your friend sounds like a textbook psychopath (sociopath). It is truly gut-wrenching to begin to accept that someone you considered a trusting, loving friend was purely deceptive and using you. By far, that’s what most victims end up facing.

    I wish you the best going forward.

  24. Louis Says:

    Larry, I’m really sorry I opened my first comment with a criticism. That was not the right thing for me to do.

    I actually think that much of the information I see on this site is wonderful and is helpful to me. I actually wish that I had come across it sooner. I don’t mean to come across as attempting to speak from a position of superiority, as my experience, though painful, is very limited in comparison to what you have been through.

    Your experience and your observations are very valuable, and surely you know that they may have already helped someone, somewhere to identify a wolf in sheep’s clothing in time to prevent a lot of hurt. In comparison to anything I’ve learned how to do, what you are doing is a far more positive and meaningful way to deal with the wrongs that have been done to you.

    I can only hope that I will one day be over it enough that I will find a way to point myself in that direction. From my perspective, helping regular people get better at avoiding and responding to psychopathic victimization is basically a karmic middle finger to all sociopaths, and they deserve it.

    Way to go.

  25. Larry Says:

    Louis,

    No apology necessary. It was constructive criticism, and those little things are what makes me look deeper and write better. I’m just a “lay victim” and primarily write from one perspective, though I try to write to multiple perspectives.

    I learn an abundance from comments, and it’s comments that give me to drive to continue. Like I said, I hope to hear more from you, both personally and professionally.

    Thank you.

  26. Freddy Flintstone Says:

    Larry,

    Thanks. I don’t think anyone else understands. They just saw the public persona. All my friends approved and really liked him. (They didn’t see the verbal abuse in private.) I was so star-struck and blown away by this impulsive, larger than life figure, I fell for him completely, thinking that the money was just an early inheritance so it didn’t matter really.

    I shredded my will after he left. He is so stupid, if he had just stayed friends after he left, he would have been very comfortable after my death. (He is quite a lot younger than me). I was flattered that an older (quite plain) woman could get so much attention from a gorgeous ballet star! Now I can see the red flags. I remember his other ‘best friend’ giving him a Christmas card with a beautifully written note, he read it and just threw it in the bin 2 minutes later. This girl adored him and would have been completely shocked if she had known.

    I feel like taking him to court to recover the debt. I really can’t afford to write it off. I have bank statements saying it was a loan. Is this crazy?

  27. Larry Says:

    Freddy,

    It’s a natural response to such deception, so no, it’s not a crazy idea … but it would likely be fruitless and only cost you money. The only way you’d have a chance is if you had any sort of lease agreement or promissory note.

    Words alone will not make it in court, and he will use his charming deception under oath just as he did the rest of the time. My ex perjured herself five times against me, and got way with it.

    You need to look ahead, and to help with that, talk therapy and meds for depression may help give you back what this creep stole from you emotionally.

    I empathize with you and wish you strength.

    Thank you.

  28. Jenny Says:

    WOW ~ Describes someone I know to a fault !! I find this to be very disturbing & want him to go away, but he keeps ‘showing up’ :.(

    I often wonder if he will ever permanently be a part of my past and allow me to ‘LIVE’ a normal life again. (Whatever normal is & Excluding him) This isn’t going to be a joyride, nor will it be easy ~ I can feel it, and it scares me to no end, but NOT impossible !!!

    I want to better understand what makes him tick, what fills his mind with constant confusion, and his erratic behavior that changes at a moments notice. Creating endless pain, angst, sadness with no rational explanation, or justification of WHY !!! AND equally important .. what if anything can help him (as well as others like him) find their way to the ‘otherside.’ To be sane ..

    I am facing contending times a head, BUT I see the ‘Sunshine’.

    ~ Time, Courage, Strength, Follow through, The will to LIVEEE, And my children WILL help me in keeping the Faith on my journey. ~ Ya gotta believe !! Through my wisdom & determination, I will acquire the peace, solidity, and ‘freedom’ that my family and I deserve.

    “If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.” – Jessie Jackson

    ~<3~

    JAS

  29. Hurt beyond Belief Says:

    I began dating a guy (who i knew i shouldn’t) about 10 months ago. I was swept away with his sad life story, his mom passed away when he was 10 from a heroin overdose, 6 kids in the family and grew up poor, etc.

    He spent 4 months in jail at the age of 17 and has 5 years probation. He was on his last strike of felony probation when he met me…He is an alcoholic and ex-coke head. I met him and took on the whole “I’ll help you” roll, he was going into rehab and a halfway house (court mandated) and i stuck it out with him to help him. He said all the right things, did all the right things, treated me like a princess. We moved in with each other after 3 months (stupid, I know) for financial reasons and we were so “in love”…THEN…one day I was helping him make a resume so he can get a job.

    When I sent the email, I checked his “sent box” to see if it went through okay…and I found 2 sexually explicit emails through “craigslist” about hooking up with MEN, I immediately freaked out and confronted him, HOURS later he admitted that he had experimented sexually with men and I was hurt, didn’t know this at ALL (he is macho, played football, very masculine), and I was overall hurt that he would even post himself on craigslist or respond to ads looking for sex.

    So I broke it off…for a day and took him back because he said he loved me more than anything and we could work through it. Throughout the next few months I found probably 50 messages on facebook to other girls all saying the same thing “hey your really beautiful, lets party some time”, and about 3 different sex sites he signed up for- ex.-”hornymatch.com” and one time he stole 23 of my prescribed xanax pills in exchange for 4 adderalls.

    He ALWAYS begged to go out and drink, always DENIED everything and couldn’t get him to cave unless i had hard evidence. One time I tried breaking up with him and he opened my car door on the highway and stuck his head out almost grinding against the pavement, then proceeded to choke himself with my seatbelt, another time he smashed my mirror over his head 50 times and put a butcher knife to his throat.

    Another time he smashed the entire back of a windsheild when he was drunk because some guy “hollered at me”, so I have spent 2 nights in the hospital for him because of his destructive behavior. I have felt empty and alone and battling how to break up with him for months. Finally he threw it over the edge the past month, spending his entire paycheck at the bar, and finally flirting with a girl infront of my face for 5 hours as i cried and begged for him to stop, he was drunk but i dont care, its NOT right.

    So i kicked him out of our apartment 3 weeks ago and since then I have recieved probably close to 900 phone calls, messages, and texts saying he was going to hang himself, kill himself, drink himself to death, “on the train tracks and can hear it coming”, etc. Yet he’s out partying with his friends at night and hanging out with that girl he was flirting with.

    I am SICK to my stomach, ive probably lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks, can barely sleep, started seeing a therapist, had to block his number, and his grandmas number (who hes now living with) and block him on facebook. I am SO sick of the emotional abuse, the LIES and deceit.

    Last week he told me he got arrested and was probably going to jail, and I caved and talked to him….then 4 days later I found out it was all a big LIE. Unreal…is this a borderline on my hands, a sociopath? what the hell is going on and why can’t I get better and stop feeling so anxious and upset!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

    I feel like I am the one going crazy :(

  30. Larry Says:

    Hi Jenny,

    It can be scary, but you’re right: it’s not impossible (nor is it necessarily easy). Learning what makes him tick is best to do from a distance. Get him as far out of your life as you can. Change your phone numbers, email addresses, and candidly, your street address if necessary.

    I have multiple states separating me from my siblings, but my ex-wife moved ten houses down the street from me, a full eight years after our divorce.

    Keep focussing on that sunshine — it will eventually block out all things bad.

  31. Larry Says:

    Hurt beyond Belief,

    “I feel like I am the one going crazy”

    That’s a very common feeling for victims of sociopaths, and that’s how he’s controlling you.

    Read what you yourself wrote about your relationship with him, and see if you can spot the manipulation — it permeates throughout your words.

    Turn and run. Only you can make the decision to free yourself from his bullshit. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll see your sanity again — but you need to rid him of your life forever.

  32. Sleeping with one eye open Says:

    Wow!!! That is my ex to a tee…we were together for 6 and half years.

    At first, he was very charming, funny, outgoing, adventurous “the life of the party.” He wanted to get married, buy a house and have the luxury life. However. he always came up with excuses on why it was a bad time to get married or buy a house…and for some unexplainable reason we never had the money available after spending months saving. Something would always come up…some expense, yet he would convince me that he had noble intentions.

    Well, after the third time of him post-poning the wedding, putting off the house idea and losing his job for the 3rd time…I was very suspicious and I was considering on leaving him. It wasn’t long after that I went to speak to him at his mothers (because apparently he was suffering from depression for hitting a dog with his tractor trailer that he needed “to fix himself”) we went into his car to “discuss” what was going on with his emotional state and why he wanted time apart (because 2 days before everything was fine between us). He went from “I love you, I love you”…to “I hate you, I hate you.”

    The more I told him that we can work it out…the more upset he got, but he would still say “I love you, you’re a good person, you are a beautiful intelligent woman, but you make me feel guilty. I know I told you before that YOU are the only who can make YOU feel guilty, but you make me feel guilty.”

    When I agreed that the relationship was over I ask him to drive me to my friends place…he kept telling me that I never listen and that I don’t obey. At that moment I said “Well, at least I saved myself the ten dollars it would of cost me to take a cab.” That’s when he freaked and tried pushing me out of the car going 60mph on a busy road. Of course, at that point I got out of the car and he squealed off with the car almost running over a pedestrian.

    Later I discovered an entire drug lab in our garage…and other evidence hidden in the house (including small baggies, hidden bloody tissue pieces, pay stubs, unrecognizable phone numbers – not in his handwriting)…He cleaned out my bank account and took as much as he could from me…left without even saying goodbye to my daughter who is 7 years (he even had her calling him daddy) “How naive was I…lol”

    So I disconnected my phone and left no evidence on where I am living now.

    It has been 2 months since our relationship ended…and he already has a new victim in his clutches. He also moved 3 blocks away from me and I am concerned. I definitely will never go back and there is absolutely no contact. But he is a little too close to me for my comfort.

  33. Larry Says:

    Sleeping with one eye open,

    Welcome. Among everything else, it hurts losing all those years, doesn’t it? Beyond avoiding this guy forever, your #1 responsibility, going forward, is you and your daughter.

    It may be very difficult to see what this has done to your daughter on the surface, so therapy may help. I did that for my son, as he was at an age (5 at the time) where I could see the toll it was taking.

    I recommend that you keep reading about the disorders to help you understand even more. I also suggest that you write your own journal of the events, as that helps to place random pieces of the puzzle together that you would likely have otherwise never connected. I say that from experience.

    I wish you the best. Thanks for sharing.

  34. M. Says:

    A story from a girl duped and now facing potential ruin…

    In the Fall of 2007 I met a man I fell for hook, line, and sinker. Our pre-sex relationship for the first month was intense and passionate so when it came time for me to disclose that I had herpes and take the next step, I was nervous yet hopeful. My hopes were fulfilled. He accepted me immediately even though he did not share my condition.

    Over the next month, we took every precaution. Showers before and after, condoms, medication. We were having a great time… and then he told me that he contracted it. We were both devastated but knew the risks, so with nothing to be done about it we continued our relationship and after two years decided to live together. During that time he was becoming close friends with a co-worker and fellow band mate.

    This co-worker was pushing 50 (my boyfriend was 36 at the time), a semi-successful musician in the 80′s, from a wealthy and famous family, was staggeringly intelligent and well read, and had ties to people I knew back home from my past. Strangely, he lived in a hovel and was a filthy person. However, he was charming, funny, outgoing, and seemed to treat my boyfriend well so it was all good, right? WRONG.

    How could I have known that when he finally met one of my best friends and asked her out, that he would be rejected by her after only two dates and repay her with over two years of stalking and torment. My boyfriend and I had to listen to incessant stories of how she was an evil bitch who only wanted ‘boys’ and how he was a ‘real man’. One minute saying he was in love with her and the next tearing her apart, saying she was hideous and worthless. He didn’t keep any of that to himself either and told anyone who would listen in an attempt to destroy her reputation. Thankfully, it didn’t take.

    Fast forward two years from that introduction and I had heard just about enough when he started laying into me about my friends because they didn’t warn his ex-wife about the man she was seeing… who he thought was bad for her. We had it out that night in a bar, screaming at each other only inches from each others’ faces until finally the bar owner kicked him out for threatening me. Keep in mind that I am female, 5’1″ and 130lbs and he is 6’7″ and about 250 and sadly, I still did not recognize at this point that he was a psycho.

    Here’s where things began to go wrong. My boyfriend, whom I loved and I thought loved me, at least it was what I was told, did absolutely nothing to break up this ‘fight’. He did absolutely nothing about it afterwards either and acted as though nothing happened. I told him that this co-worker was no longer allowed in our home if I was going to be there.

    A couple weeks later I come home from work and he is there. I went to my room and fumed for about two hours, texting my boyfriend the entire time in an attempt to get him to make him leave. He did nothing. Finally, I decided that I wasn’t going to be a prisoner in my own home so I went out and announced that to both of them and just dealt with it. A few hours later we fought again in my kitchen and when my boyfriend tried to stop it, he was literally thrown across the room, his body much smaller than this co-workers’, sending him crashing into the counter, meanwhile this maniacs gaze never left mine.

    After he finally left, I lost it. I laid into my boyfriend for falling for that man’s bullshit. The next day and everyday after that, our relationship was never the same. My boyfriend blamed ME for what happened and completely ignored the fact that not only did this man verbally threaten me and put himself in my personal space to antagonize me, he also humiliated and physically abused him. In that moment, I lost all respect for my boyfriend and our relationship deteriorated quickly. We broke up a year later, last April.

    When I left, out of concern for my boyfriend whom I still blindly loved, I showed him the clinical definition of a psycho/sociopath and warned him about this co-worker/friend. I honestly feared for my boyfriend’s safety if he remained friends with this person. However, I am only now beginning to believe that my boyfriend is one of his minions, a deciple if you will, and quite possibly bordering on this condition as well.

    He has shown absolutely no remorse or sadness for the loss of our 3.5 year relationship. When I moved out I did so in an attempt to start again and give each other space. He was never mean to me during our relationship… he was emotionally void. When I told him that what I wanted out of a relationship was respect, love, passion and inclusion in his life, he actually said that he could never be that for me and was unwilling to get counseling. During the months that followed he never contacted me once. I am convinced he has no soul.

    Here is why I think I might be facing ruin….

    The other night I decided to go out alone. I was at a bar chatting up a guy for a few hours and we were hitting it off. We made a plan to go back to his place to hang out and possibly make out… which was all I was really ready for after what I had been through. Next thing I know, someone grabs my ass. I turn around and it’s the co-worker, smiling at me like he always did when he wanted his ego stroked. I ignored him and turned back toward my ‘date’ and told him that he was a psycho and that I couldn’t stand him. About an hour later, co-worker pushes me out of the way and tells my date that I have herpes.

    I just stood there in shock. Mostly because the only way he could have known was if my boyfriend told him. I always disclose before sex and wasn’t even planning to go there and I just could not believe it. WHO DOES THAT????? My date and I stood there in uncomfortable silence for a moment and then he said, “Now I can see why you hate him. Shall we go to my place?” Thank god for gentlemen. For REAL men.

    The next day I called my ex and told him what happened and he goes, “Uh, ya? What do you want me to do about it?” and laid into him for telling this guy about me and he says, “I didn’t tell him about you, I told him about me.” Yeah right. What a fucking bastard. It was in that moment that I realized that he might be a sociopath as well.

    Here is my dilemma. I already know from my experience with that SOB and my best friend that he is telling anyone who will listen all about ‘me’ and how I GAVE this to my ex. I’m also willing to bet he doesn’t even know that my ex agreed to sleep with me after disclosure. I bet that little bit of information was conveniently left out. And… now that I am reading all this scary shit about vengeance, I feel completely powerless. AND since what he is saying about me is actually true, it’s not libelous. I feel like the only way to beat him at his game is to announce to the whole world that I have herpes and beat him to the punch!!!

    Please tell me what to do!!

  35. Larry Says:

    Hello M.

    Wow. Your story provides little doubt in my mind that you are in a bad place. I’m so sorry. I have some questions:

    1) When “he” said he contracted herpes, did he show you the outbreak? Since I’m fairly sure someone with herpes can feel an outbreak before it appears, did he ever question any aspect of herpes between the time you told him about you, and the time he announced he was positive?

    2) Have you ever considered that he was positive for herpes when you first met? In as much, he could have used it to manipulate you (e.g., make you feel badly; make him look very sensitive and understanding, etc.).

    I have more to think about.

    “Please tell me what to do!!”
    Initial response: move far away and become invisible. If they cannot find you or contact you, they’ll eventually forget you.

  36. M. Says:

    1) a: Yes, he showed me but it was very insignificant. Looked more like a small zit. Typically, but not always, the first outbreak is very noticeable and very intense and they mellow out as time goes on. We went to the doc for a Western Blot and he was positive but the test does not tell you how long a person has had it. There is a different test for that but I already dropped $120 for this one and didn’t care about it enough to know.
    b: When I sat him down and told him I had it I gave him a medical pamphlet and then gave him the opportunity to ask me questions. I don’t recall very many questions being asked. He is a very intelligent person… special schools… blah blah blah. So, I didn’t think twice about it.

    Also, to note, my ex-husband took 6 years to contract it from me and the boyfriend after him (and before this one) took 4 years. I think that also speaks volumes, however this virus is very unpredictable so there’s no right or wrong.

    2) I absolutely considered it. Every time a man who says he doesn’t have it and agrees to sleep with me without much consideration for the risk always brings this question to my mind. There is such a stigma attached to it that most people are terrified. Maybe the fact that he didn’t seem fazed by it is indicative of sociopathy??

    I wont move away. I am secure enough in my sexuality to deal with the exposure because I have had it for so long. I just want to know how to stop him from doing this. It’s not his place to disclose on my behalf. I considered doing the same to him as a retort if it ever happened again… because I know a few potentially humiliating things about him as well. But then got freaked out when I read about all the revenge and stuff.

    Also, you said you were ‘fairly’ certain about aspects of this condition so here’s a mini education for you and your readers about this condition:

    Herpes is silent in 3 out of 5 people infected with it, but can still be passed on. One in 5 sexually active people have it. That is why it is such a common condition. Cold sores are the same virus as genital herpes and outbreaks manifest the exact same way down south as they do on the face. Someone with cold sores can give their partner genital herpes via oral sex and vice versa and sores do not have to be present to do so, although oral to genital transmission is far less common.

    I have had it for 20 years and haven’t had ‘prodromal’ symptoms for over 15. I get an outbreak like once a year and it’s for like a day and then it’s gone. So far, I’ve only experienced genital outbreaks. So, for me, I almost never know when I am contagious. I disclose because I respect the people I meet and honestly the stigma attached to it is ridiculous. Athlete’s foot is worse than herpes.

    I have other friends who have this and choose to never disclose. It’s a constant dilemma because most people who have this have no clue where it came from. If you are sexually active, you are at risk, condoms provide little or no protection, and the older you get the more likely you are to have been exposed.

  37. Larry Says:

    Please allow me to clarify my “move away” suggestion … it had nothing to do with your sexuality. You came across as brave, confident, and secure with who you are, and what you have. The “move away” suggestion was for you to get far away from these leaches to keep them from sucking the emotional life out of you.

    Regarding both #1 and #2: my questions were some of the first thoughts that hit me, based on my own personal experience. Many years ago, I had been dating a very nice lady, and when it became more serious, she did what you did and came right out with it. I’m highly intelligent, attended private prep schools, yadda, yadda, but I didn’t do what he did. I couldn’t stop asking questions.

    Every answer she gave me initiated a new question. I never had any reason to know about it (me thinks) so I was fairly ignorant of it until it faced me. My gut tells me that he had it long before he met you, was not intending to tell you, and when you came forward, he took the opportunity to make himself look like a very compassionate and understanding guy. It’s part of that psychopathic manipulation and pathological lying.

    I believe you also said that the outbreaks get smaller as time goes on, and your first line said it was “very insignificant”. Wouldn’t that provide even more credence that he had herpes for a much longer time than he said? What I am attempting to do is establish that he was lying to you from the very beginning, and if I’m correct, how does that affect everything else he said to you?

    Do you feel he was living a lie?

    “I just want to know how to stop him from doing this.”

    And above all else, that’s the most difficult part. There is no systematic procedure that will result in his disappearance. To him, you are a traitor. You know things about him he doesn’t want public. So he turns to what I call offensive-revenge.

    He will try to destroy your character to keep people from listening to you, even though you likely would have no desire to talk about him. But his fear is likely driven by his own paranoia. I live very far away from the evil-majority in my life, with many states between us; except for my ex-wife, who lives on the same street as I. But since my kids are adults, she’s a non-issue.

    Staying in the same town, if that is your choice, means you’ll need to be prepare to deal with them for a much longer time … and they hold the clock. Avoid them the best you can. Change you phone numbers, email address, and even move to the other side of town if you can. Separating yourself from them is your most powerful weapon.

  38. M. Says:

    Thanks for the clarification and for the advice… this is all new. I’ve only been broken up since April and I only just realized these two men were conspiring against me last weekend, so I’ll keep ya posted.

    Do you think I should tell our mutual friends? It just seems so weird, and petty to even bring it up! God, I can’t stand this juvenile bullshit!

  39. Larry Says:

    Glad to be of assistance.

    I would imagine that they have already begun brainwashing your mutual friends. It’s hard to say what to do. If some of them are very close friends to you, I’d suggest meeting with them face-to-face (e.g., over lunch) and be prepared as to what you’re going to say.

    Hang in there, M.

  40. M. Says:

    A friend of mine just happened to run into him that very night shortly after I left and he told her about it. She called him an asshole and he laughed. Thought it was funny. Nice, huh?

  41. Larry Says:

    Two things hit me:

    1) That woman is a real friend of yours.

    2) He’s truly evil (which “he” was it?)

  42. M. Says:

    He is my ex’s coworker and best friend.

  43. Larry Says:

    Do you believe your ex is capable of the same thing?

  44. M. Says:

    no. i think he’s too chicken shit to do something so low… he’ll just allow his friend to do it for him.

  45. K Says:

    if you try to move on.. example deleting the person from social sites and stuff.. won’t they notice there’s something fishy going on ? Isn’t it better to just leave them there ?

    Question 2. If by time the person comes back again.. not knowing I know they’re a sociopath.. and I ignore them.. won’t they know I know ? Won’t it make it worse?

  46. Larry Says:

    K,

    You ask good questions, but you don’t provide enough history of the relationship. Hence, one can only speculate (i.e., speculate less than typical speculation).

    The best way, in general, to get a psychopath out of your life is to cut off all contact. If they have tons of friends on their virtual friends list, they may never notice you dropped off … at the very least, they are not notified.

    Beginning to blatantly ignoring someone, anyone, is going to be obvious to them. Every person is different, but in general, the ignoring should begin slowly and done with a smile.

    You must think through the person you’re dealing with, and practice your potential interactions with them alone — be prepared — knowing how they may react to rejection, and how you will react to that.

    There’s no easy answer, other than you do not want a known sociopath to be in your life.

  47. K Says:

    Thank you .. it was really helpful, however I have one last question .. since this is a disease, are they willingly acting the way they act or not ?

  48. Larry Says:

    K,

    Relating to your earlier question: I just became aware that on Facebook, you can hide anyone’s feed without de-friending them. If you feel uncomfortable about blocking someone, you can begin by blocking their ramblings from showing up on your home page. This is done by using the “X” (drop-down menu) on the right of one of their posts. Select “Hide all by *username*” and their posts will stop appearing for you. They will still see yours, though.

    In general, a psychopath does not believe there’s anything wrong with them, but on the contrary, they feel superior to others. They have a public persona in addition to their real personality.

    The persona is all an act, since they teach themselves how to manipulate others for their own narcissistic goals. They learn to replicate other people’s behavior. Their personality is who they really are, and it usually has no resemblance to their persona.

    It’s from their personality that they will target innocent people; it’s when their evil side comes out. You will realize just how convincing their act is once you see their real personality.

  49. K Says:

    Hi Larry,
    I just removed her from facebook because we weren’t actually talking during this period and it didn’t affect her as much it seems, because she did nothing. Hmm I see.. thank you a lot for the information it was very precious to me and helped me a lot !! xx

  50. Larry Says:

    You’re welcome. I wish you continued good luck.

  51. spookietoo Says:

    Wow, am I glad I found this website today.

    I may soon have an opportunity to get back into a business I was banished from over 10 years ago. My first 2 years there, I was the business’s top sales person though I received no credit, as I am female and it was company policy to abuse all women. Virtually every related business in this area knew our company HATED women.

    The owner at the time was a sociopath. I had prior dealings with a sociopath in college as I unfortunately actually dated my stalker for three months. What I was not prepared for was the immediate supervisor that I was assigned to who viciously abused me at every opportunity. He eventually intentionally screwed up two of my projects and then called me in and fraudulently fired me for his screw-ups. I could have easily proven his actions at the time, but I would have been reporting to the owner/sociopath so it would have accomplished nothing.

    A year or two later the owner/sociopath died (good riddance!!!) But it took another 10 years for the company to rid themselves of the supervisor. I prefer to refer to him as a “mentally retarded white-trash fraud” as he is mentally incapable of performing any job function required in this particular industry, on any level, and he has regularly screamed at high priority customers that they are G.D.M.F.’s, when they have become unhappy with his fraudulent job performance.

    Sexual discrimination is no longer such an extreme issue at the company. Women have made it into management. the company is now national.

    After reading up on sociopathy, I am now starting to realize that this supervisor may also be a sociopath, or has at least picked up on some of the traits of the former owner. The unfortunate part of this is that he is now working for a competitve firm in the same industry, and if I get the job I am going after, he will be my direct competition.

    These are some things that I am certain are true:

    When he first became my boss, he was TERRIFIED of me! He would literally shake as if he were about to pee himself, he was incapable of making eye contact with me, and he would nervously rip paperclips and ink pens to shreads while we spoke. This all made me very nervous as I couldn’t understand why this man that everyone else seemed to like and respect was so consumed with fear of me! Eventually I came to know that on the days he could calmly look me in the eye and speak to me, it was because he had intentionally sabotaged some of my work and was so proud of himself!!

    My IQ is DEFINITELY at least 20 to 30 points higher than his. When I call him mentally retarded, I am not being facetious- he literally must study ahead of time in order to conduct a conversation in his field if he hasn’t had to speak on the subject before. He uses what little intellect he has to manipulate and abuse those around him. This site seems to focus on the smartest of sociopaths. The ones that aren’t so smart, are in prison. This man IS NOT one of the smart ones.

    He has publically verbally, professionally and sexually slandered me at a HUGE industry convention, which resulted in almost everyone in the industry realizing his sub-human status. The outpouring of concern and support I received after this incidence was amazing! I have not been professionally hurt by this.

    Both he and I have always known that if I could receive a position that allows me to function in our industry I will be able to expose him by doing nothing more than my job. When he slandered me at the convention it was because he thought the company I had gone to work for was going to allow me that opportunity. He simply didn’t realize that my new company HATED women even more. (I live in an area of abusive redneck, white-trash garbage and the State of Tennessee encourages the abuse of women in the workplace via its redneck interpretations of its “right-to-work” laws. This can be confirmed via any Tennessee attorney!)

    In a perfect world this scummy, subhuman would drop dead tomorrow and allow me to earn a decent living for the first time in a decade. Or I would be allowed to exterminate him like the cockroach he is, but this world is not perfect and I will be required to compete against him. After my prior experience with him I truly feel capable of exterminating him – if it weren’t for that pesky business of his being classified human and extermination being illegal and all…its a dog eat dog business and I’m more than ready to chow down! Like many on this site, I am no longer a slave to all of my emotions – I have taken on some of the traits of my abuser.

    I know I’m in for a fight, but my cat died a few weeks ago, so he won’t be able to break into my house and torture it to death. I have access to a weapon to protect myself and will be taking shooting lessons to go with it, so understand I am not underestimationg the vorasity of his torturous behavior. Can you recommend any additional reading on this subject that I might find helpful? I want to be as prepared as possible.

    The work I will be doing is my true passion. I love it and I excel at it. It has only been in the last year or so that I have been able to work my way up from the poverty I have existed in for most of the last decade ($11000 to $12000/year) to $25,000 a year at a job I HATE. I want to go back to what I love, and the additional bonus is that I will be earning $150,000 to $250,000 a year. So now you understand it is greed that drives the sub-human cockroach, not passion for the industry.

    Any further reading information/preparation would be GREATLY appreciated!!!

  52. Lucy Says:

    It’s been three months since I broke up with my sociopath. Except for one or two slip-ups I have managed to avoid contacting him. I met him about six months after my husband left me and I fell deeply in love. I’ll call him C. I am 41 years old so I was not expecting to fall in love. I was not expecting to feel things I had never felt in my life before. I was completely infatuated.

    Over a year and a half I started to notice weird things about him, things that later showed up on any number of checklists for sociopathy. He also lived with a follower–an ex-girlfriend who was still in love with him and let her live in her house despite the risk to her marriage. In the guise of a helpful friend she told me about all the dreadful things he had done to her and to other ex-girlfriends. She was obviously trying to drive us apart: even though she was married she preferred C. to be single so she could still “have” him in some way. It was she who told me that C. had gotten her and another girlfriend pregnant–meanwhile he’d told me that he had never had unprotected sex.

    I won’t get into everything I did for C. or the lengths to which I went to protect him from the results of his own wicked deeds. The things he did to me are textbook so I won’t list them here. The last straw came when he blatantly showed every sign that he was cheating on me and called me crazy and paranoid when I confronted him.

    I want him out of my head. I want to stop loving him, or the him I thought I was. Like Louis, who has posted before, I feel that my range and depth of emotions have been limited by this experience. I don’t care for any of the things I used to. I’ve struggled with depression all my life and I’m familiar with the symptoms, but it’s never been like this. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t feel that I can love anyone else, and this makes me sad as I am a person who is normally happier with a relationship than without one. I gave everything in me to someone who proved to be utterly unworthy of it. I felt the most intense love and commitment of a lifetime for someone who is capable of the most refined cruelties.

    As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression I protest the idea that sociopathy is a disease or a mental illness. If there is such a thing as a soul, sociopaths are simply born without them. They are certainly born without those qualities that make the rest of us human, however flawed and even warped.

    The hardest thing is not being able to talk about it. The majority of people, even people who never met him, don’t believe me. They think that I am just dramatizing a bad breakup. Perhaps I would once have the same thing if someone else told me about a similar experience, but I know better now. I told my mother about him and because he never physically hurt me or stole from me she said I was lucky that I had gotten away without anything terrible happening to me. But something terrible did happen to me.

    I do want to hurt him, and I know the only way to hurt a sociopath is to expose him. I can’t expose him for his sociopathy (too hard to prove, and his disciples are Legion), but I know something that could make him lose his job and prevent him from getting another job in his field (he is a social worker, working with vulnerable teens). It’s a matter of public record–a criminal record– he has just “neglected” to tell his employers about it. It would be a simple matter of printing out the record from the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension. It’s the only thing that would make him feel something akin to pain. He doesn’t deserve my compassion or my mercy, any more than he deserved my love. As for revenge being bad for my soul, I feel so damaged by this relationship I don’t see how bringing him to justice could make me feel any worse than I do already.

  53. maw143 Says:

    I reconnected with an old college flame. We were both married.

    He swept me off my feet like nobody had ever done. Over the time span of about 9 months I started noticing that his letters and words did not meet his actions and visible emotions. I caught him lying about almost everything. He also seemed to have zero guilt or remorse for the pain he was causing his family or mine. I started to realize that he was no good.

    Luckily we were in a long distnace relationship and I wasn’t able to give him what he “needed”…therefore he got bored with me and ended the relationship. I have not heard from him in months. I am so glad that I figured this out and that he feels he let me go.

    Do you think I have anything to worry about?? I do not feel he will ever contact me again.

  54. Larry Says:

    Hi Maw,

    I think you are one of the lucky ones, both for seeing through his persona, and being far away. Especially considering the distance, my instinct is that you will probably never hear from him again. But since they are very unpredictable and deceptive, be prepared in case he does contact you.

  55. maw143 Says:

    Thanks Larry! I really enjoyed reading through your website. I really do feel like one of the lucky ones. I really just feel bad for his wife and kids. She is so blind.

  56. Kendra Says:

    I don’t know why it hurts so bad… its just horrific how people are ignorant… and they are not brave… sociopaths bring out the worst in people and channel it towards a target… some people really aren’t intuitive at all… I always knew this one person was a sociopath… and they knew I thought there was something wrong with them… I’m blessed with a great intuition. But there are some things you just never want to know… I think many victims of sociopaths are intuitive… and the sociopath can read that kind of personality…

    But why does it hurt and scar? To see all the stupidity, cowardice, and fear amongst “normal” people…. its horrifying I guess…

  57. Larry Says:

    Kendra,

    I’m not sure where you are going with this comment, but you seem to be chastising the victims … if so, I don’t believe you get it.

  58. LM Says:

    Unfortunately, I am involved in a custody suit and he has snared my ex-husband to use against me. It makes me question my sanity.

  59. Mary Says:

    As I have read through these blogs about other people’s encounters with sociopaths I see bits of my own experiences. I am devastated both emotionally and financially by the sociopath that found me on a well known internet website dating site.

    I was ripe for the encounter and he knew it. I had lost my husband three years before and was so lonely. He registered with a fake name, lied repeatedly on the mile long personality profile. Romanced me for three months by phone, emails and he sent gifts. I finally insisted that we meet in person. By then I was so totally taken in by this man with his smooth lies. On the surface his stories looked and sounded real. He was a widower himself, had a Art Gallery and a big house with two teenage children that were going off to boarding school soon. I meet his mother and children he told them we were to be married. In fact he told everyone that he introduced me to that it was a miracle that he met me. He gained my trust.

    With every red flag he had an explanation and at the time each seemed plausible. We made plans to sell our houses, his gallery and live in Italy for a year. I moved in with him. Sold my two houses and began to plan a wedding. It was all so romantic, for almost two years.

    I found out that he used many fake names and had two older children from a former marriage. He did not actually own the business or his big house, his mother did. His mother and accountant knew of course but did not tell me. By then, I had LOANED him a lot of money. I had loaned the gallery money too at his insistence that this was a GOOD PLACE FOR MY MONEY.

    Although I had sold my homes, somehow he was not “able” to sell his (the market was down) so he was always short on cash. I ended up paying for ALL HIS AND THE CHILDREN’s LIVING EXPENSES. This was draining my resources but each time I brought it up he went into his mode of lies about how we were a family and he needed my help. AND ALWAYS SAID that he would pay me back…. it never happened.

    I have lost everything.

    I feel as though my life has been stolen. I have no money and now am dependent on my sons. Before I escaped I found out that he uses different names, social security numbers, owes hundreds of thousands of dollars to the IRS and has been involved many law suits. I did not understand or see what he was doing until it was too late.

    When I went into the hospital for a knee replacement surgery, he spent all the money that was left and charged thousands on my credit cards. I am deeply in debt. His entire family knows what he did to me and even participated in the lies. His mother is probably a sociopath as well. I stayed five years. I just walked out one day in May. I will never be the same. He told me that he was tried for murder in LA.

    He was surprised and so angry that I left he threatened to have me disappear. He says he will never give up. He has told everyone that will listen what a monster I AM. His lies will bury him I hope. I plan to fight him. He is EVIL and vindictive and needs to be stopped.

    I am not the only person he has used this way.

  60. Becca Says:

    I am using every bit of strength I have to keep my head above water. I have stood up to him and I am still standing up to him but each and every single day he is throwing more than one issue at me.

    He has gathered many many people to be his followers as they believe his lies and actually all hate me and they don’t even know me. Most have only met him recently (so I believed). I have never met anyone like this and I feel that I am running for my life with my son in my arms and my mother at my side.

    I pray to the Lord and hold my head high despite what is being said by him and his peeps. I am a good person who met lucifer here on earth. : (

    Pray for me and I will pray for you.

  61. Truvy Says:

    I have a baby with a sociopath. He dumped me 2 days after we found out…even though we got pregant on purpose. Throughout the pregnancy he and his girlfriend harassed me. He was living with me, living with her, getting into trouble for fighting and drinking. After I had the baby, I moved back to my home state to be with my family. I continued to give him chance after chance to step up to the plate. He has always maintained he hates the state people, as he grew up in foster care, so I’ve tried to avoid it. I did file in my home state, but it literally took 9 months to get nothing, so the issue was avoided.

    He moved to another state in March and convinced me to move so he could finally be a father. My daughter was 9 months old. We have been here for a month and a half and still he has not seen her. He refused to help with daycare costs as he promised. He almost caused me to lose my job the one time he agreed to watch her (with a babysitter present) and called and cancelled 10 minutes after I was supposed to be there and refused to help me pay for a babysitter or find one. He also just lost his job last week. He has been telling me he cannot afford to pay for daycare and acting like he had to hock a TV in order to pay me less then half the cost for the month. He is also telling me he has not received a paycheck in 4 weeks.

    I do believe he knows I have spoken with his employers, who have confirmed he is making WAY, WAY more money then he is saying and just received a large commission check when he was fired…just a few days ago. As well as another commission check and a regular paycheck in the last 4 weeks.

    I have finally lost my patience and I’m doing what I should have done months ago. I’m filing for state child support, but now that I’ve figured out what this guy really is, I’m near him and I’m afraid he will see my filing for child support as ruining his life or punishing him. He has called very angry several time (furious, really) saying that if I file, he will make my life miserable.

    I also found out from his previous employers that they received child support paperwork and he convinced them that he and I had settled through a lawyer and they could ignore the paperwork. They never received any more notices, so they assumed he was telling the truth. They have apologized profusely and offered to help in any way. I am scared of crossing this guy, yet I am tired of not standing up to him. I’m 95% sure he is a sociopath.

    He lies about EVERYTHING…where he went to dinner, how much a pack of gum cost. He doesn’t care what he does to people…he screws over everyone, usually has 3 girlfriends at a time, has been in trouble for drugs, fighting, drinking and now embezzlement. He has completely disregarded his daughter and has no regrets about it whatsoever. Unbelievable to read the stories. I, like many of you, feel like I will never be the same person.

    What he’s done to me has scared my soul.

  62. Truvy Says:

    I wrote the above when I was very sleepy last night, so I should add a few things.

    He HATES, HATES, HATES that I am in contact with people who are part of his life. I have become good (telephone/email) friends with his ex-gf of 3-years, among others. He frequently accuses me of having contact with people he knows (usually current gf’s) or telling all my co-workers he is a deadbeat dad, when I haven’t.

    Extreme paranoia about people he knows in one aspect of his life having access to another part of his life. i.e He set me up at a hotel when I was looking for a place here and was very upset to know that I had told the bartenders we had a child together. Would not hire a guy for a sales position, because the guy’s brother was the owner of the condo complex he lived in.

    I also have reason to believe he recently purchased an unlicensed gun. Let me make it clear, he has not been to my house (at least not that I know) since I move here over a month ago. As I said earlier, but did not elaborate, I think -no…I KNOW… he KNOWS I’ve had discussions with his employer and I think he knows I know he’s lying about his pay and I KNOW he knows I’ve had my fill and am going for child support.

    I emailed him the day after he skipped out on me and told him I was going to. But he doesn’t call me on it directly. He has asked if he should ask for a receipt for the cash he gave me for daycare and when I said that I would ask for a receipt for anything I paid in cash, he asked why he would need one. And as I said several paragraphs before, he doesn’t like when I meddle in his business…so I am worried this is the calm before the storm. He is withholding his knowing and staying away so he can scare the living shit out of me later.

    I am planning to talk to my neighbors and make them aware that I am frightened of him and ask them to contact me if they ever notice his big, shiny, noticeable vehicle around the area. I will no longer hesitate to call the police and have him trespassed if he shows up unannounced.

  63. Becca Says:

    [@ Truvy …]
    Keep your eye’s open and watch your back at all times. I do believe it is in your best interest to let a trustworthy person know of your fears for your safety and your life (including your baby) but choose the people you speak to wisely. I believe the less said to others, the better off you will be.

  64. Becca Says:

    [@ Truvy …]
    One more thing that I would like to suggest….

    Keep your ears open and your mouth shut as you listen to him or others. It is really amazing the things you can find out and the things that you will now know are definately not the words or persons that you should be talking too.

    My husband never does anything without a reason. There is always something much greater in his plan than appears to the normal human mind and eye. Here’s a little more advice from a person who cares, is there and is wearing the t-shirt with my life jacket on.

  65. Daughter In Law Says:

    Becca’s advice is good. Most people don’t believe you if you tell them, anyways. They’re only too happy to tell you that the problem is your attitude: you need to stop focusing on the negative. Keep your eyes open and watch your back at all times, indeed! Only those who have lived it can understand this.

  66. NITEMARES Says:

    i am so glad i found this site. i am going thru hell with a sibling.

    i fear for my life. he is so evil i cannot believe it. its so true about them having disciples. i always knew he was evil and a pathological liar. each day he’s another profession.

    cant stay with a job.he put both of my parents in a nursing home and deemed one incompetent by his md friends. this person is far from incompetent.

    there is a lot of money involved. im terrified he will kill my parents and me to get all of their money. his latest was he burglarized their home stole expensive items and blamed me. hes already been to our home and did something but i cant put it down because he will know.

    he had this whole thing planned to get rid of my parents,he staged their house for when the lawyers looked at the house.it was a mess.when i left it was as neat as a pin. my parents are very old and i fear for them even though they r in a nursing home.mom told me he terrorizes her as she lays in her bed.

    he has POA for everything. what can i do please help .he has everyone on his side. it is a nightmare.i know u said run dont walk away -but how can i?? he has to be stopped..

  67. Larry Says:

    @ Nitemares …

    I feel your helplessness, and I wish I could offer some help, but I wouldn’t know where to begin. You probably should get an attorney, too. And a very caring psychologist. Knowledge is power, learn as much as you can.

    You may also be able to get a restraining order to keep him away from your folks if they are willing to go along with it. It would at least give you all a little peace.

  68. Anonymous Says:

    I’m not sure why you would be asking for a website. That would lead them right to the person who left the comment. I’m not sure how old this website is but I am compelled to share my story as well. I hope I don’t make it to long. I will try and just toss out the facts and not worry about my writing skills and grammar.

    Falling in love with a sociopath is the most horrific slow torturous death one could ever pose on another person. You want to get revenge on someone. Set them up with a sociopath but not even my worst not evil enemy I could do that too. It is nothing less then a living nightmare.

    The magnet that keeps pulling you in makes you slowly go insane. You are aware that you are committing suicide every time you are with him. The more it hurts the stronger you hold on. You know your death is near and you welcome it just so the madness will stop. The emotional manipulation is like nothing other in this world. You are a sane normal person who maybe grew up with a little bit of abuse so you naturally over look what others would be shocked at.

    You are able to make excesses easily because its starts off slow and its not anything you haven’t already been through before. But the peak of your worst abusive experience in your past is what the starting point of his abuse is. He waited long enough to get you completely in love and blind. Making you think you are the only woman in the world and he worships you. You are everything to him but in all realty you are nothing to him. Just something to parasite off of for as long as you can uphold it.

    Just as you are about to break on every level possible he pushes just a little more before he leaves you cold and dry. You are emotionally destroyed, you are now bankrupt, physical you are worn and you look like hell, your health is weakend and you metal state is unstable. You have lost your job and all your friends too. Your family thinks you have gone over the deep end and they don’t know what to do. You have up until this point pushed away any attempt they have made to help you so as to now they have exhausted all their efforts and have just walked away.

    You can ever be certain that its him any more cuz now you think its really all you now. You are the one who’s crazy and out of control. He leaves you now with nothing and completely broken. No one left in your life to reach out to. The insanity you were living in has ran everyone away. Not only that he has everyone thinking your now addicted to drug or your bipolar and out of your mind. He has the whole town everyone you have known all you life thinking you’re sick on drugs or insane.

    That and or evil doing him all the wrong. In the dark cuz the light now hurts your eyes. You don’t dare pass a mirror cuz you wouldn’t recognize yourself any more. You are worthless unworthy of anyone’s help. So you don’t even try. Months go by and you are thinner then you have ever been lack of money and food. He waited until your last penny was spent before he left you. You are just starting to pull yourself up of the floor months after he had left you and he shows up again. Proclaiming his deepest love for you.

    By the grace of God a year or so of back and forth you find the strength to deny him a return back into your life. Remember he was your soul mate. For the first time in you entire life you know what it means to truly fall in love head over heals in love. Just letting go of your dream is hard enough but he makes it hurt as much as he can as your trying to pull free. Calling you up to remind you of his love for you. Showing up at your door with flowers begging you for another chance. This is after he had already left you now mind you..

    You deny him but as he has no choice but to walk away and leave you fallen to the floor in grief. Nothing in your entire life has ever been harder. If you let him back he will finish you off completely to your death. You know if you let him back in he will complete the job. As he leaves he’s screaming for the world to hear that he loves and how can you be so mean. He gave you everything his whole heart and soul.

    He’s willing to die for you and the evil you can’t find it in your heart to forgive him and give him one more try. This goes on for about a year or so. Then its goes down to just phone calls. Then the phones calls are about once every six month to eventually once a year or so. You have no desire to even look at another man again. The very slightest mistake one would make would push you over the deep end and you would kill him. You know this about yourself so the thought of ever being with another man isn’t even a consideration.

    You have nothing left inside to give anyone anyway. You are done spent empty. The only hope you hold inside is making it through another day not having to see or hear from him. I’m 39 years old and I will never love again the way I loved my sociopath. No matter how lonely, desperately lonely I am in side I lack any motivation to get dressed and try and date. Regardless of how many men I surprisely have dropping at my feet. I don’t see how these men can’t see the hollow emptiness that is in me. I almost get angry at their advances. Don’t they see I’m spent empty. There is nothing left and it’s been 3 years since he walked out my door the last time and its been since this last Easter when I got my last phone call.

    Hi everyone, I’m Anonymous and I fell in love with a sociopath..

  69. Larry Says:

    @ Anonymous

    Please help me understand your first paragraph, especially the first two sentences. I can answer the question in the third sentence: this site went online in August 2009. It was my second attempt to tell my story. When my sister discovered the first site I published, the consequences were immediate. I didn’t make that mistake again. You can read about that here.

    Your story simply grips me. In a relatively short amount of space, you defined very clearly what it’s like being tricked into falling in love with a sociopath. Once they know they have you where they want you, they play you and use you for their narcissistic goals. It is all about them. But when they see they’ve gone too far, how quickly they revert back to the “I love you” deception. We’re like marionettes. They often make us believe it’s we who are losing our minds.

    Probably the majority of those commenting on this site, as well as I, fell head-over-heals for a sociopath. Some are faced with sociopaths in the workplace (I look back and see I was, too). Others deal with family members who are sociopaths (for me, that’s three-for-three).

    I stopped dating some years ago, about the time I shockingly realized that the “bad gene” was in my family, too. No matter what anyone says, trust is no longer taken for granted.

    My divorce was in 1995. I was granted full custody of my two toddlers. That’s when I began studying psychology, specifically the areas that affected my ex. And that’s how I discovered my dad and siblings were all mentally ill, and with the encouragement of my ex, they have successfully decimated my character. My sister even teamed up with my ex to take my kids from me.

    Hang in there. Take each day at a time. They will slowly get better. Please write more if you’d like.

  70. Truvy Says:

    @Anon…gave me chills at how dead on that was Even though my sociopath was done with me the second he got me pregnant, he came back time and time again…for a minute, for an hour, half a day…just to keep the hope alive in me that we would be a family. The mental anguish is indescribable. I cried nearly every single day from the time I got pregnant to the time my daughter was about 10 months old. There was perhaps 4 or 5 days during that time that I didn’t cry or sob or was completely unfunctional because of how worthless and useless and disgusting he had made me feel. Now it’s about half that…healing happens…however so slow…

  71. billybob Says:

    “Offensive-revenge” sort of like when the USA bombs a country with no evidence, real data, nor objective thought, but call it “Preemptive-Strike” : )

  72. Target Says:

    Larry,

    I want to thank you for your blogs and posts, as I have come here seeking support and help. However, I’m compelled to have you rethink the content of this blog – I don’t believe it to be 100% rational.

    I’ve been targeted for years by a sociopath who I believe to be on the extreme end of the spectrum.

    To provide example: I’ve suffered physical abuse (needing medical attention and surgery); defamation; been framed for his physical violence against me when he injures himself and claims I started to attack. I watch him ruin other people – hospitalization, financially, etc. He is a con man and LIES very well in court. He has acquired a good amount of wealth by his con artist ploys.

    However, sociopaths have a weak link (or several):

    1- Extreme delusions of grandeur. The belief that they are too clever to get caught often makes them prone to error and sloppy about covering their tracks.

    2- They are often delusional, in that they actually believe their own fabrications (which can often be easily disproved in court).

    3- They are impulsive and when rage breaks, their mask of charm falls off and their true form is revealed.

    HERE IS MY POINT:

    While I DO respect your advice, your outlook it is potentially dangerous to society. Sociopaths are NOT invincible, in fact, MANY of them are behind bars. THIS IS WHERE THEY OFTEN BELONG- IN PRISON.

    Knowingly and willing allowing a sociopath abuser to walk the streets because you are too afraid to confront them is a disservice to our collective society.

    No, I do not believe in vengeance. However, I genuinely believe in taking care of our fellow man. If one possesses the knowledge, power and ability to remove just ONE sociopath off of the street, then think of how much damage you have spared others?!!!

    Fear is not always a positive emotion. Letting these “animals” get away with murder because you are so controlled by your fears is wrong on so many levels.

    Vengeance – for vengeance sake is a BAD idea. Absolutely foolish. I’m not endorsing vengeance. I AM, however, endorsing getting these people caught and locked up by exposing the truth.

    They are only human. Please don’t make them out to have immortal super powers. However, you must study and understand what you are dealing with.

    Again, I do appreciate, agree with, and find comfort and support in much of your writings. However, I feel very strongly, that if one possesses the knowledge and power to lock a sociopath up, they must indeed “go for it”.

  73. Target Says:

    Yes, why would you ask for personal information, including a website. Then, moderate ALL communication on the board… And, tell everyone who is experienced with a sociopath to GIVE UP, through their hands in air and let sociopaths go on their merry WARPATH. If you are a true empath… DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING???

    You are either a coward, or a sociopath discouraging victims from finding strength. And, thereby setting all sociopaths free.

    I am very suspicious of your intent here.

  74. Larry Says:

    @ Target (1):

    I don’t believe I’ve ever said sociopaths are “invincible” as I do believe if you give anyone enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves. But your fact as stated that there are so “MANY” sociopaths incarcerated is very subjective, and percentage-wise, incorrect. Only a small percentage are incarcerated (~5%) but they are the worst of the worst, resorting to violence, murder, and other criminal activity.

    Of the prison population, about ~20% are incarcerated sociopaths, but that 20% is responsible for about 80% of all heinous crimes (source: Dr. Hare, Canadian Prison System).

    There are varying degrees of psychopathy, and this site is primarily dealing with the other 90-95% that are not engaged in criminal activity, such as above. Their main weapon is slander and libel. They live and work along side of you and me. They have families, they go to church … the blend in. But they are sociopaths just the same.

    Slander is one of the most difficult offenses to prove. None of the people my sister slandered me to is even willing to speak with me, let alone tell me what was said. If someone is not willing to cooperate, there’s no court case.

    I’ve never even said that I’ve given up, but I do not go into that here just in case this site is being monitored. But the damage that the run-of-the-mill psychopath can do to an individual is almost limitless: turning their family, friends, and co-workers against them, and making it difficult for them to advance in their careers. And I, personally, have been physically threatened more than one.

    I truly believe that you have not read much of this site, and you are making-up aspects about me, and what I’ve allegedly said. Maybe you just haven’t experienced the true horrors of a sociopath’s malicious actions against an innocent target.

    Most of what is written comes from personal experience, spanning a lifetime … maybe you have less than that level of experience.

    But if your point here is that I’m misleading people, I must respectfully disagree; and based on other readers’ comments, I believe the majority would also disagree with you, too.

    @ Target (2):

    Other than flaming, I can’t for the life of me determine what your intentions are with your second comment. Was it that I didn’t reply fast enough? You wrote the first one at about 21:15 Saturday night, and the second at about 06:00 Sunday morning. Eight hours and 45 minutes. I can’t say I always do, but I usually try to sleep during nighttime hours.

    I believe you really just ruined your credibility.

    “I am very suspicious of your intent here.”

  75. Target Says:

    “I am very suspicious of your intent here.” Fair enough and thank you for posting my thoughts. I didn’t expect that you would. I will try to explain…

    You mention: Libel, defamation and the ultimate isolation of their “victim”. I understand these things very well.

    First, if you have a “plan” to shed light on the truth, I am glad you are going forward and I encourage you. Again, not for vengeance sake, but to protect others and to hopefully win back the trust of your family and loved ones. You have more power than I think you realize. Finding strength after these traumatic experiences can be very difficult (you already know this – I know).

    Personal empowerment, after being devastated by a sociopath is one of the biggest challenges a victim faces.

    I also COMPLETELY understand the nature of confidentiality in revealing any information on your forum. So if you do have a plan, yes, best to keep it off of the grid.

    As for me being distrusting of your motive, I think my paranoia is a product of being conned by a very intelligence sociopath; a sociopath who posed as a “helper” and a “lover”. Hence, I am highly suspicious and look for “red flags”. I’ve learned to watch out for the “wolf in sheep’s clothing”. Thanks to this, my new found paranoia often gets the best of me and I can make a jerk of myself.

    Perhaps another source of frustration: I could have EASILY been saved a lot of pain and agony, IF someone would have used logic and proof to warn me about this sociopath (the evidence was within the means of many people). I think people were too intimidated by his bullying and blackmailing antics and chose not to get involved. I guess it takes a higher level of thinking and caring to get involved (?). Maybe people just don’t care?

    If it is of any encouragement, I have had some success in helping others. I believe I successfully helped to keep an innocent man out of major legal trouble (who my sociopath tried to frame for a crime that my sociopath committed). This was done completely anonymously and detectives ARE willing to listen and cooperate.

    You’ve already mentioned a lot of this and I agree: concise documentation and confidentiality are critical. Operate in stealth – be sure all parties under stand the importance of confidentiality. Before you share documentation that incriminates a sociopath, it might even help to have the other parties sign a confidentiality agreement – yes, a legal document. Information leaks are damaging, as the sociopath WILL come after you if they suspect their plans are being foiled. You’ve already mentioned this. I like to think in terms of solutions – because there are many solutions.

    As a victim, I’ve been brainwashed into feeling weak, powerless and alone. It has taken some time time and therapy to open my eyes and have the confidence to trust myself and others again.

    I have succeeded in saving others from the misery of the sociopath I became involved with. This has been a healing experience and empowering. Its not vengeance. Its the opposite; its saving and helping other people. A byproduct of this is that the sociopath looses out – but conquering him has never been my intent.

    I will read more of your stories. I just stumbled across this in a Google search.

  76. Larry Says:

    Hi Target,

    Thanks for writing back … I appreciate the clarification.

    I have attempted to help anyone I’ve come across that I believe needs help, or just education for the future. But I must admit, for the handfull of friends I’ve referred to this site, the majority kind of faded away. But in analyzing those who faded, I realized that some had traits of their own, two of whom admitted it to me. One told me she was uncomfortable reading it since she recognized herself in it.

    What do you say?

    About six months after I directed a female friend to this site, I received a long email spelling out the most charming guy she had been dating, and how he had become hostile and violent … “exactly how you describe it in your site.” She left him quickly and I felt good about that.

    But I’m all about truth, and cheating is not truth. If I get the opportunity to expose the cheating with enough evidence, I’ll be on it and they’ll get what they deserve. It’s not done to be vengeful, but to assert fairness to those who deserve it.

    I hope you’ll read more of the site.

  77. kelly Says:

    hi please help meeee…..

    after extensive online research and reading this blog, i have discovered that my best friend of 16 years, is indeed an evil and malicious sociopath.

    her upbringing was extremely abusive and traumatic but she always appeared to be strong and not bothered by anything.. over the years i saw this girl treat people as pawns to get what she wanted, most of the time it was for the pure enjoyment of other peoples suffering but unfortunately she has turned her wrath upon me.

    although your advice is to run away, i feel i cant do that as in the past, she gets bored and turns her attention to someone else after a me, and i just want to know if theres any way to live amongst these people without having to run.

    My family and i moved interstate to a tiny town 12 months ago, to be closer to (my best friend) as she manipulated me into thinking, i needed her support. However her control on my life became unbearable and my relationship with my husband was suffereing as she hated him and wanted me to leave him and move in with her and her family.

    I guess it was then that i tried to keep my distance and that is when all hell broke loose. She has made up stories as to why she no longer wants to be my friend and has suddenly turned from my best friend, to a complete enemy.

    My wish is to co-exist with her in this town with no contact and to act as though we never met, but she has other plans for me. She announced at a parents club meeting with the school that my child attends, that my husband is a peodophile. She has no proof of this or reason to say it, only to destroy my life. She has also tried to sabotage my relationship with members of my family by telling them lies about me, that im an alcoholic and a bad mother.

    Although these are just rumours that she has spread, it is her first step towards destroying me and i know she is capable of much more as i have seen it with my own eyes from a long friendship with her.

    I have seen this woman, beat her older sister and strangle her until she was blue in the face, all because she wouldnt return any calls or messages after two weeks of verbal abuse and bullying via the internet. She is now, friends with her sister again and has turned onto me.
    I have researched all the signs of a sociopath and she is definitely in that category, however i dont want to leave town and let her get away with what she is doing to me and my family.

    If i run, she wins. please help…thanks..

  78. Larry Says:

    Kelly,

    “Running away” does not mean she wins … it means you do. In your life, there’s nothing more important than you. Moving, changing you email, phone, and a forwarding address, means she just lost her biggest thrill, and that’s victimizing you.

    Some people are determined to avenge their sociopath, but I’ve never heard of a victim truly winning in the long run. I’m a testament to that. I may well at some time, but it’ll be a log shot.

    If people admit to you that sociopath labeled your husband a pedophile, that’s worthy of a slander suit. If you also wrote to people , that would also essentially be libel.

    I really do not think you want to co-exist with her since nothing will ever change, and likely get worse. Get as far away from her as you can. Protect you and your family.

  79. kelly Says:

    thankyou larry… the things i could tell you about this person after spending so long with her, would send chills down yourspine.. she is evil to the core.. i appreciate and thankyou for your advice and i will be checking this site regularly for more info and feedback as im unable to leave town at this time and i may need some more insights in future..
    i am soo glad there are other people in this world that understand me as its really hard to convince others that someone can be so evil and malicious. take care.. and thanks again.

  80. Cindy Says:

    Hello and Thank you for being here :)

    My husbands ex-wife is a sociopath. They were married for 15 years and have 3 children together, they are 23 yrs,17 and 15 yrs old. We all live in the same small town. My concern is great as she has been out to destroy my husband the past year. It seems her main purpose is to kill his soul.

    She has alienated his children against him (parental alienation syndrome) and they have taken on her traits as well. She lies to them and says that he stole money from her , that he doesn’t pay his child support. My husband begs his oldest daughter (the 2 younger sons have a no contact order with him) to come and look at the receipts for child support , to view the CD from court where it clearly states my husband did not steal money , and on and on. She will have none of it, she just says “ok daddy” then turns right around and continues with the lies her mother started.

    Before the past year my husband had a good loving relationship with his sons (or so we thought) and although it was hard (with such a strong powerful sociopath mother in the background) I thought I was too. Thank god that the last contact he had with them was a camping trip where his father,brother and brother -in – law were all there and they could see he did nothing wrong! He was just being your regular guy drinking around the campfire, fishing, telling stories and so on. This was the last contact the boys had with their father.

    My concern is in regards to the future and how far she will go > Court is now over, (and still to this day I am grateful that the Judge saw through her lies!, omg so many stories where they dont! especially when the female or male is extremely beautiful or handsome) but right before Court our Attorney told us that his ex’s attorney had emailed her a letter that was so sickining and so evil that she did not even want to show it to us, omg we had already seen so many evil letters spewing forth pure lies, I cannot even imagine what the last letter said!!

    It seems that she wants him to go off the deep end , like just totally lose it and go to her house and beat up the boyfriend or threaten her or or or, and thats the thing, I feel she is not getting the reaction she wants (basically to SEE his suffering, like put in jail or something) so I am fearful of how far this socio path will go… He will never give her this reaction because he wants nothing to do with her. He is devastated about his children but realizes there is nothing he can do..

    I want to leave town ASAP, I feel like we are sitting ducks for her next evil scheme,, but on the other hand I feel it is wrong to live in fear.

    In your experience and from what you have seen do you think she will continue on? I feel she is just plotting her next great act…

  81. Larry Says:

    Cindy,

    Hello and you’re welcome.

    As you read through this site, you’ll discover your story is similar to others, including my own … you are not alone.

    >> In your experience and from what you have seen do you think she will continue on?

    You did a good job summarizing, but I’m sure the details could fill a small book. Will she continue? I think you answered that about mid-way. She’s only just begun, and in her mind, she’s not succeeding (i.e., not getting the results she wants). She could continue for the rest of her life. Keep in mind that all the lies she’s spread she must maintain forever, otherwise she’ll be outed as a liar. She can’t risk that.

    If she’s frustrated by the lack of carnage she wishes to create, it would be practically impossible to guess what she’s plotting next, and rest assured, they don’t like to lose. I’d be very cautious if I were you.

    If you have the opportunity to move away, do it quietly. Disappear. Talk about pissing her off, that’ll do it.

    Where ever you go, get a MagicJackPro VoIP (Voice over IP) instead of local phone service. It runs off your Internet connection. The cool thing is that when you sign up, you select a new phone number, and you can choose from virtually any area code in the country. My area code is about 2000 miles away from where I live. And since long distance is free, it doesn’t matter. It’s quite confusing for the person looking at caller ID.

    Record all conversations with her. And I say this with great sadness, but the kids could have gotten the “bad gene” from her, as it doesn’t manifest itself until the mid to late teens in most cases. I lost both my daughters to that. They could be great, sensitive and loving kids, then they turn teenagers and you can literally watch them change, and be able to do nothing about it.

    From what you say, you could be in a dangerous situation. Watch your back.

  82. Cindy Says:

    Larry,

    Thank you for your response. It is more helpful than you will ever know. You brought some things to light that I had not thought of.

    I have not read what happened with you and only just started to look around this site, this evening. I am so sorry about your daughters, my heart breaks for you. I have seen/lived with/felt my husbands heartbreak, so so devastating.

    You are telling me what my “gut instincts” were, but what I did not want to truly admit to myself. As you said, she has only begun. You brought to light that she cannot risk being outed as a liar, that one scares me, because she can ramble on for hours on end backing up her lies.

    Personally I hope we move as soon as possible. The MagicJackPro will be used I can guarantee you that and Thank you for that info!!

    I wrote to you this evening while my husband was at work, knowing of course I would later show him what I wrote and your response whenever it came in. I have showed him your response and he is quietly taking it in. He needed to see your response Larry, he needed to “read” the truth, the actual words.

    I thank you for that.

  83. humble3333 Says:

    Hi Larry, I need help. I have two children and have just learned that my ex is a sociopath.

    When the children were 2 1/2 and 4 1/4 in December 26/27/2007 I told him that i didn’t love him anymore as i could finally see who he really was a liar, cheater, abuser, stealing, etc. The night that i told him December 26/2007 he attacked me like a robot with no emotion, he tried to strangle me, suffocate me and had our 4 year old son participate in the assault by showing him to kick me as a game on the floor and laughing. He has done mental damage to our son. My son witnessed the whole assault and remembers to this day.

    He pulled the phone cords out of the box and we locked ourselves in a bedroom til he left the next morning to go to work. He called later that day and i said i would have him arrested if came back. It took me 6 weeks to heal from the physical wounds.

    Later i decided my son is mentally suffering, I’m suffering and went to the police with my son and told them what happened. He was arrested and we went to trial for over 2 years and he won the trial in late 2009. After trial he contacted me, we exchanged phone calls and emails for awhile. He said that he was not the same person and wanted to see his children. So we set a date for them to meet. I had audio recording ready for his confession and I got it. I wanted a confession for the crime and the horrible trial i had to go through, and the pain my son and i endured. He saw the children a few times 6 hours from the time trial ended to October 31 2010. During that time he abandoned them 3 times. Then we never heard from him.

    In October 2011, he showed up at my door with his new girlfriend to serve me court paper for joint custody. I was in shock. Since then his girlfriend and him have called me so many times slandering me, calling me a horrible mother, drug addict and all kinds of things, they called the Children’s aid on me twice, board of education. All accusations they stated were proven to be false. He tells his new girlfriends lies about me and she believes them and slanders me.

    He has never paid child support. His new girlfriend owns her own home and makes over 80,000.00 a year but won’t pay for a lawyer for him. He make 35,000.00 a year. They both made a contract for me to sign for 200.00 a month. I refused to sign. I have a lawyer. My lawyer has stated that if the judge feels that I’m holding the children against him i could lose. He has never cared about the children or their well-being. It’s not the children he is after it’s me for revenge. He keeps talking about the past, he won’t let go.

    I have to be in court on Tuesday to make a decision of either meditation were he gets visitation or go to trial. I don’t want to do either one. He won the first trial and lied to the judge , police his lawyer. I went through hell as victim on the witness stand. I thought i have to find a way to stop him before Tuesday so I exposed him through emails to his new girlfriend. I don’t know if it did any good. He has called here since then 12 times and only breaths n the phone. His girlfriend was in a relationship with a man for 19 years and had two children with him, she met my ex at a bar and they started an affair. Her husband found out and broke he cell phone and some altercation happened. She called the police and had her husband pt in jail and a restraining order placed against him then my ex moved in the same night.

    He has been living there now for a year and a little bit. But she has kicked my ex out 3 times and has taken him back each time. Her husband contacted her to get his belongings and she contacted the police again so another restraining order has been placed. My ex stated that he has a new home, money, a pool table, huge screen tv, bar(he is an alcoholic also) anything he wants. He stated that he has now alot to offer the children. This woman has a 12 year old child in the home. this woman knows about the assault and me son, she calls me a liar.

    She stated he has changed and is not the same person. She stated that she has the man now that is good and that i wish i had. I hate this man. I exposed other things about him and she read all as she has taken away his facebook account, and shares an email address with him, as she doesn’t trust him because he has been with many woman. Something must of happened for her to kick him out three times and take him back. I told them i have a boyfriend and she stated,Your just trying to make him jealous. he also stated to him on speaker phone,” I know your still in love with her”, meaning me. Then the phone went dead. I know what is going on here he wants revenge.

    Someone please help me.

  84. humble3333 Says:

    This is what i exposed,and can use in trial if i have to:

    Verbal Assaults against me (audio Recordings)
    Assault against me and showing my son to kick me during the assault against me Dec 26/27/ 2007 (recording)
    Double- Doctoring charge (police document)
    Able to prove four more double- doctoring after the charge, I have all documents. He was addicted to pills.
    Assault against Autism man, I have two witnesses.
    Medication stolen, he worked at a place taking care of mental patients and he was the supervisor. Two caregivers witnessed the assault, he was fired and they covered it up to protect the organization as it is well known and is a big facility for mental patients. When my ex was drunk on night he told me he took one of the patients to the bathroom and jerked him off to help him relieve himself. He stated that this was normal.
    All your theft charges you got away with, I have all documents.
    Never paid child support,back pay you will have to pay on top of child support, Proof.
    All your abandonments, proof
    Many Car accidents
    Allstate insurance frauds, I have proof
    Abandoned his first son with another woman when the baby was 2 weeks old, the boy is now 18 years old and he never paid child support.
    Many affairs with lots of woman.
    He taught his two dogs to attack animals and kill, my property looked like a pet cemetery.
    Alcoholic.

    Everything that was listed as a sociopath, he fit perfectly, it was like someone wrote this just for him. I let her know what a sociopath is all about as he fit the description perfectly. He has got away with almost every crime he has committed. I exposed him for the double-doctoring and he was convicted only on one offense. He’s a professional criminal and the police detectives for the first trial were joking and laughing together while we waited to be called in by the judge. He is charming and funny and deceptive. He can make anyone laugh and would walk into any store, gas station it didn’t matter, and whoever worked there when he left would be smiling and laughing. But he has no friends.

    I don’t now if my exposing him helped my situation or if i just threw a time bomb that is going to backfire at me. Al i want is is evil man and his horrible evil girlfriend to get the hell out of my children and me life.

  85. humble3333 Says:

    One more thing Larry. He has a degree in physiology that’s how he got the position as supervisor for the mental facility. I don’t know what to do, the clock is ticking and Tuesday will come soon. I’m waiting for your response as i have no where else to turn for help.
    I also asked my son who is now 9 years old, what he thinks mommy should do, go for mediation where your dad will get visitation or go to trial and fight for you. I needed to ask him to know where he stands on this. His reply was for me was to fight for him and his sister, he stated he hurt you mom and he hurt me.

  86. Christine Says:

    Hi,
    My mother is a sociopath. My whole childhood she ignored me and then as a teenager she convinved me to go on heavy-medication because I was “mentally-ill” she told me to quit my job as I was to “mentally-ill” to work. I had a boyfriend when I was a teenager I was in love with and when he called her a bad parent for not looking after my other siblings properly she had him banned from our house and he died shortly after that in a car-accident.

    Then when i had another boyfriend she then told authorities I was a bad parent and had my child taken of me, convincing me not to go to the meeting that I’d make things worse. Turns out what made it worse was the fact I didn’t turn up. Now she is trying to get a job for my husband in a different country. Hhhmm I wonder why that could be, could she be trying to break us up or something? DEFINITELY. I am not mentally ill and I have realised that her opinion means nothing as she is the one that had a mental breakdown and ended up in the loony-ward. She is a horrible mentally-abusive parent and she knows nothing. To all the people on this blog that have dealt with a sociopath, they can even be your own parent, or sibling.

    My advice is. Number one. Trust your instincts if you think someone is nasty, THEY ARE. And you should keep them out of your life as much as possible, and if you are being forced due to circumstance to have them near you, try to avoid confrontation at any cost, it will just stress you out and they will gain some type of sick-satisfaction. These people don’t have feelings so they won’t care at all.

    Number two.
    People can pretend to be good, pretend to be kind, pretend to care and all along they want what is worse for you.

    Number three.
    Sometimes they are out to get you because they are jealous even of the stupidest things, so don’t try to search for a reason for their
    nastiness, they are pafetic and that’s the only reason you need.

    Number four.
    Larry is right keeping away, far away where they don’t know you are is the best solution.

  87. bbb1234 Says:

    Last year I trained for 6 mo. with a personal trainer at my local 24 hour fitness. When I met the guy who would be my trainer I instantly was frightened, but didn’t know why. He was a decent-looking, very built blonde guy with blue eyes and he approached me in a very forward way when he introduced himself putting his leg up on a chair and leaning down towards me to say ‘hi’.

    When I signed up for training, the sales guy said, “be careful, all the girls like him!” That should should have been my first real clue, but I did not know what a sociopath was at the time. Next clue was seeing him flirting with various front desk girls. This happened for about 2 months – they would walk by and flirtatiously say, “hiiii Tyler.” I was extremely put off and thinking he was “one of those guys” I would not usally consort with, but continued to train with him. Next thing I know none of those girls are working at the gym anymore.

    With me, of course, he put on quite the charming act at the beginning. To say this guy is boisterous is an understatement. He talks so loudly that you can hear him wherever you are at in the gym. And, yes, he’s totally the life of the party, popular guy. There was something about him that was almost magnetic and for a time I felt somehow like he was a soulmate, but on some level I knew that was stupid. In fact, part of me kept thinking about an ex-boyfriend who hurt me pretty bad that I now think is a sociopath — so I now know the magnetism I felt was recognition of what he was, not attraction.

    I should mention that I’m married. In no way did I ever want anything from this man outside of the gym. I just wanted a freaking trainer!! I tried to relax and trust the guy because I thought maybe I was just nervous to be around such a large intimidating guy. I tried to be friendly but he kept twisting everything I did/said to mean I was flirting. One day I walked in he gave me a flirtatious sideways glance then said, “I don’t think that I mentioned to you before that I almost got married to an older woman like you.” That comment was followed by a suggestive glance. On some level I was flattered, but also put off and also totally confused why he would be doing that because I’m married.

    Although I really only wanted to feel comfortable with my him, there seemed to be nothing I could do to fully get there. I kept thinking something was wrong with me that I couldn’t figure out how to handle it and since I successfully handle so many difficult people at work, I thought if I just kept trying to be his friend it would work out. I friended him on facebook, gave him soccer tickets I was unable to use and tried to be friendly and polite. Well, turned out I was wrong. He was not someone I could be friends with and probably those actions only played me further into his hands.

    I also tried other things. I started working out with a guy friend in addition to my husband to demonstrate that I have “guy friends.” That didn’t work. I tried to get him to talk about a girlfriend since that usually works to convey lack of interest, but he never did. Meanwhile, he had begun to berate me at almost every appointment – he yelled at me to “stop talking,” made me feel bad about my age, was rude, etc. I also caught him staring at me and listening in on my conversations, which in the context I now realize he was studying me like a predator.

    I barely made it to the end of my contract with him with my self esteem in tact or knowing which way was up. He went through the motions of manipulating / rejecting me as if I was a girl that he needed to get rid of. Nope, I was just a client!!! A married client, no less!!

    And it gets worse. Towards the very end of my contract a craigslist ad was posted -something about a girl client that was interested in him. I don’t remember all the details. At the time I didn’t think anything of it – figured the ad only confirmed what I already thought of him. However, today I believe he or one of his friends or girlfriend wrote the ad to continue the manipulative fun he was apparently having with me. I still don’t know if it was about me, but he made me feel like it was. He harrassed me for 2 mo. straight everytime I came to the gym – making a scene and pretending to be friendly while being rejecting at the same time.

    In his twisted mind I am not sure how he could believe a girl like me could be interested. As a shy, awkward person I did a horrible job standing up for myself and putting an end to his behavior. I plain didn’t understand why anyone would treat me that way. The only thing I can think of is that either he felt I rejected him ?!, or that my success in life intimidated him and he wanted to “put me in my place.” I honestly think he has thoroughly enoyed the process of taking me down and breaking me emotionally.

    It took me months to get the courage to say anything to anyone, mostly because I was nervous about what a weirdo like that would do (I’m still nervous). But, when I did, I’m afraid I did not come across as I had hoped and now the other guy I told is now participating in the psychological harrassment too by staring at me when I go to the gym. So, yeah, don’t try to avenge yourself against a sociopath. Just get out of town. I only go to the gym now once in a long while, but I always feel like I have PTSD for 5 days after. I don’t sleep, I have flashbacks, I start fearing for my life, my husband, my house, feeling helpless and like there are all these people at the gym who think I am the freak……it’s horrible.

    I’ve done a lot of reading now and think I can spot these guys. That’s what I’ve gained from all this. In the meantime, a year later, I am still an emotional wreck. I hope it goes away some day…

  88. Larry Says:

    Typical behavior, but also typically scary. I do hope you have found another gym and get this guy out of your life completely. It’s the only way you can be on the road to healing.

  89. Larry Says:

    Humble3333,

    Sorry that I’m falling behind on my responses. You sort of describe having the worst of it all. Him getting your kids involved, his girlfriend, his extra smooth demeanor. Yes, he probably gets joy from seeing you suffer. And he’s got disciples, which are just about as divient as he is. Get out of town. Make it so it’s difficult for him to make contact with you. Change you phone number and email address, and make it a point to hang with people who love you. I know that after a situation like this, you don’t want to trust anyone … but there are good people out there, just like you. Be cautious but try to find them.

  90. Larry Says:

    Christine,

    You have built a lot of insight from your experience growing up. I realized long ago that a psychopath will use their own disorders against you, and victimize you with their disorders. I’m glad you realize that. It seems that your journey is still uphill — stick to you guns and hang in there.

  91. ex-GF of Socio Says:

    Larry, you posted that vivid, candid portrait of a socio, and I have little to add – except that the ‘socio’ you describe is the highest functioning beast – the psychopath. Common socios find their way into jail far too easily, occupying copious cells at the taxpayer’s expense for their short-sightedness.

    The beast you describe is oh so real. I could have written it myself.

    Any reader who has found their way to this board for personal reasons, needs to read and reread Larry’s original post. He speaks the absolute truth, as overly-dramatic as it MAY seem.

    I have much experience with the corporate psychopath, and foolishly, I remained enamored. I knew what I was dealing with, and now we’re parting ways. Reading this blog has given me the strength to ensure that my part is neat and tidy, my departure unthreatening in every way, shape and form.

    Never outrage your socio. Never seek vengeance. They will be in every crevice of your life, until you have been destroyed. I’ve seen it all from the sidelines, and now, my number one goal is to ensure it isn’t me.

    I can’t stress it more strongly: If you found your way to this thread, study every word of Larry’s post. This man knows of what he speaks.

    Best of luck to all.

  92. Larry Says:

    @ ex-GF of Socio,

    Thank you for the affirmation. I wish you the best.

  93. ex-GF of Socio Says:

    You’re welcome.

    I will elaborate to say that while I knew what I was dealing with, his brilliant, charismatic personality hooked me, pulled me in and captivated me. He’s a power player. One of ‘them’. Those we revere and fear. I loved him unconditionally, accepting the darkness and the light. He was so magnetic that I found myself shifting my own moral base, enthralled by his life on the edge.

    It shocks me, how easily I adapted, but it wasn’t overnight. It is a process, and I admired my ability to tame the lion. Sad, really.

  94. Larry Says:

    When they are at the top of their game, their manipulation is very powerful. I went through a lot of the same games with my ex that you experienced with yours. They keep you on the proverbial rollar coaster.

  95. Jordan Says:

    I am so overwhelmed by this article,,,, i’m speechless. It confirms to me why I am here, living in constant fear of what she’s going to do next. The divoce is now moving forward, but,, I’m now more frightened for my children then ever before.

    I need to clarify that I feel very foolish. I knew this before, but only stayed in the marriage to protect my stepsons and our mutual kids. I had no other choice. After she fell preagnant early on, it was too late. Being a strong, confident successful businessman of high moral values and personal responsibility,, I now find myself nothing more of a very ill, mentally destroyed shell of nothing… I’m totally destroyed, or so I thought. 5 years ago I was a healthy 200lbs…. I’m less than 122lbs now, and falling. It’s obvious, she’s not done with me yet.

    I can’t run…. my children are at stake. I have to go down fighting. Just recently I spent all the money I had to fight off a bogus restraining order.. She even agreed it was in person.

    Theres so much I can share to substantiate the claims in this article. I just don’t know where to start…. for me…. it’s not going to end until I’m,,,, gone. Please, take heed… be very afraid.

    I need to emphasize that my friends and family have also been destroyed by her. IMPORTANT! I am considered to be very clever and highly inteligent. I’m touigh as nails and can take punches and fight back twice as hard… but, “she” is not too bright, and presents herself as “very friendly”….. I’m now scared to death of her and have regular and frequent nightmares… not to mention my “breakdowns”, alcoholism, and pending demise.

    PLEASE! TAKE HEED!

    Good luck,,, if you believe in God,,, that’s all you got to protect you! So far, she’s even taken Him down..

  96. Larry Says:

    Jordan,

    Try to hang in there and work on dealing with one day at a time. It will get better. I was always a lean 200-205, and I dropped to the 140s. I’m back up to about 190 now.

    I know your kids are important to you, but take care of yourself first. You need to have your wits about you when you spend time with them.

    One day at a time.

  97. Sharon Says:

    My brother is a sociopath, he has done terrible terrible things.

    My father made him the executor of his estate – guess what, it is 25yrs on and I still have not received my money – he has been trying to destroy/kill me for yrs.

    He left my mentally disabled little brother on the freezing streets for close to 10 yrs – he is now permanently disabled

    I finally went to court to have a bank executor appointed – he was trying to set me up in a “rent to own” scam

    I finally realized exactly what he was after all of these yrs – I had just brushed it off as a “difficult personality” until I moved to his town to finally try to get my money – the $$ that was supposed to pay for the college education I never received, the safety new that was never there.

    He has set me up for the last time – this time (prior to the rent to own debacle) I needed medical attention, so he told me to put the medical bills on my credit and he would reimburse me from MY money that my father so foolishly left in his hands – well, guess what, he did not reimburse and now I will probably go bankrupt from these medical bills

  98. Linda Says:

    I was married to a sociopath for a very long time .

    I have battled with him in court and out of court for over a year . The family court judge is an elected positon . My ex was able to bribe this judge by delivering votes . No one will see the truth . My ex can talk his way in or out of anything .

    We have a rental home , a home we shared as man and wife and retirement funds . The judge gave everything we own to him . My ex moved in with his girl friend over a year ago. She has even more than I had to lose . He or the judge can’t force me out of the home we shared because it has a reverse mortage . What this means is no payments are made . We own the home free and clear until we both die . At this time the mortage company takes the house . If he dies first , the home is mine . If I go first ,it belongs to him . We are both 67 years of age . I am in better health than he . I am more likely to live longer .

    He has made my life hell trying to get me out . All the money I have is my social securety , which is a small amount . I would move if I could . There is just no way I can afford to . Can’t find a job . I live in the city with the very highest un-employment in the US . Many people are hungary . IT seems I must sign a quick claim deed before he can be sole owner of our rental home .

    I already live in fear of my life . I have nothing to gain by signing the quick claim deed . I rarely leave my home for fear of being murdered by accident . I live in fear of his next move . I have a weapon at all times . I have a very large guard dog . My dog is my best friend . She is very protective of me . No one believes what kind of monster he is .

    He has told many lies about me and people believe every word he says . He has done some very bad things . He has a very high IQ . He thinks no one will ever find out.

    I was looking for information about sociopaths when I found your website . No one except people who have been in a relationship with a sociopath can understand what this can mean . I would stop him forever being able to cause harm if not for my grandchildren . These are my grandchrildren , not his .

    Thank you for doing the website .

  99. Larry Says:

    Linda,

    You’re welcome. You sound like you have most of, if not all your bases covered. Back in 1995, during my divorce, my ex gave me a death threat with a smile on her face. I took it very seriously. I’ve always had dogs, mainly German Shepherds and they live in the house with me.

    I was awarded custody of my two toddlers, but it was her weekends that I was most concerned for my safety. Like arson.

    In my state, we can have the police give someone a criminal trespass warning. If he ever stepped on your property again, you’d make the call, and he would be arrested for criminal trespass. You may want to pay your local police a visit and see if that’s available to you.

  100. Jon Says:

    the only advantage we normal people have against the spaths is that due to their parasitic lifestyle, they have to halt their acts of vengence to maintain their priorities … food, shelter.

    my wife, although very intelligent, has another negative trait. given 2 choices, she chooses the worst one every time. plus, if she even spits on the sidewalk, the cops are always right there.

    many spaths are alchoholics and drug abusers so there is a high probability that they will wind up in jail. my wife, who ran away 2 months ago, is violating probation for dui the second time, and this is buying me enough time to plan what I will do in the near future, divorce wise.

    another negative trait that they have is that they have very little discepline. they get bored easily and go out looking for trouble. i was paying all my wifes legal cost in the thousands, all she had to do was do the work but she never lasted over 6 weeks at a time.
    they will eventually mess things up.

    i wont be extracting revenge on her, i’ll just be using small chess moves to fend her off. just like our soldiars overseas are fighting under “rules of engagment”, the enemy has no boudarys. this is very important to remember. the spath is the same way. my wife would very easily have someone beat her up and call the cops on me (i’ve never laid a hand on a human in my life)

    i just wanted to pass this along for what its worth. my wife had left 3 times before, and each time i would come home, she would be gone with all her stuff and I would be scratching my head like “what the heck just happened?”

    last time she came home, she acted normal for about a month then started getting weird again. i put a monitor spy program on the computer to monitor what was going on. it was worse than I thought. long story short, i was aware that she was preparing to leave again, so i was able to protect some very important things and put a wrench in her plans.

    i dont want anyone thinking im controlling, its just that with all her legal troubles, most of our money went to all her probation and lawyer costs. the only reason she came back was so that ole chump Jon could complete paying everything. she really didnt want a “quiet peaceful life” as she claimed.

    spaths do not hit rock bottom, they are snakes and they slither on to another existance. there is no bottom, there is a reality as to what things are today and they adapt.

    when she went looking for some of the items, she was so furious that i had hid them that she didnt sleep for 2 days wondering how i got one up on her. and after 2 years, i saw the true evil come out as she started a fight. her only regret was that she didnt have an audiance to play for (most spaths feel that they are in a movie and we are just supporting actors in their drama). later, out in the front yard, she shoved me twice and hit me once, in front of the whole neighborhood but nobody called the deputies.

    she still managed to make off with about 2,000.00 worth of music equipment and other things, but she is halfway across the country. i can sleep now, but i still have to watch my back.

    sorry for the rambling thoughts, i just wanted to share some things, thanks

  101. Larry Says:

    Jon,

    No apologizes necessary. I think we could all write books of our experiences.

    You’re correct in about everything you said about traits. They are snakes, but without a rattle.

    Keep watching your back. She may be half way across the country, but since she got there, she can just as easy get back when things don’t work her way.

    Hang in there.

  102. Dave Says:

    I am keeping this short, I would say, I had a Sociopath in my life. He was a friend and a co-worker. He had a book games people play Eric Berns. In this book their is a con that goes on for ten years. And he used this to destroy my life. I never knew anything for that time. He cost me a career of 13 years, everyone that I knew in the area and a lot more. I would even say because of the time in that career, and time to heal myself. it is not possible to have a good career again. Life is not that long.

  103. Larry Says:

    Dave, I had back surgery once and I almost died from MRSA (a deadly bacteria that we have no medicine strong enough for).

    After four months of treatment, I was told I would live the rest of my life with the bacteria, and it could come back any time to finish me off.

    I realized they wanted me to live long enough to be out their care. And then it came to me …

    “They kept me alive, but took away my life.”

    In essence, that’s what a psychopath does to their victim. It takes years to overcome it. But just focus on one day at a time. You can do it.

  104. Becca Says:

    I am more than concerned that my ex-husband is playing head games with my child. My child has made several comments to me and I want to be able to have him talk to a psychologist and have the psychologist get it from him.

    I did go an talk with the psychologist, but I want to talk to him one more time because my child just came home from a visit and told me something else that I do not like at all.

    This father is a head game player. A sociopath and he is set to destroy me and my child.

    How do I talk with this psychologist again, before my son does and let him know my fears without him looking at me like I am a scorned ex wife. I am a concerned mother. This psychologist wants to of course meet with the ex husband.

    What is my best course?

  105. Jordan Says:

    Response to Becca:

    Becca, I totally understand. I feel I need to get them to a therapist asap but right now I’m not of the best state of mind to do it. The thing is, now knowing who,, or “what” I’m dealing with on the other side…. I don’t stand a chance. The best thing you can do is, study, study and study make sure you understand exactly what a sociopath is, and their behaviors. Luckily, I did more research and found out why they are such great liars and manupilators. I thought she was just crazy,,, now I wish that truly was the case.

    Yes,,, I’m going through the same. For me? It came down to telling her, she can have all my things, all my income,, everything… and she knows I didn’t do anything wrong,, of course,, but they do get pleasure out of watching us suffer. After 13 years,,, it’s like a dense fog had lifted… Now I know that she knows very well my kids are the only thing I care about,,, so it’s a matter of time. Yes, these people no doubt re-dine the meaning of evil. Hell is an improvement from the place I’m in… I don’t dare let her know it, but still… a very terrible place. Hang in there, remember, you have friends who understand,,,, and we care more than you know.

  106. Jordan Says:

    Also, I need to be clear…. Although I state I did nothing wrong, the problem is,, I did everything wrong and she exploited it. I’m not perfect, I, just like everyone else has flaws. No doubt, through this period I have been doing a great deal of soul-searching and hope I can live through it to work on those things. Best thing you can do? Don’t give them any (anymore, in my case) to hang you with. Just stay calm, and focus on helping yourself is a good start, so I would think. At least that’s my take right now..

  107. Becca Says:

    Thank you Jordan. I am learning more and more about, what I am dealing with now. I can basically know what will happen next. However with these type of people you can never truly know what they will do next. They are constantly changing the rules to suit there own selfish purpose. I try so hard to not give him anything, yes he slides through a crack in the door and he will blow up the most innocent occurrence into something out of this world. My heart is pounding and I do feel fear..but my protection of my child far outweighs any hesistance. I am going to roll the dice, take a chance and take my child to see this psychologist. Pray for us and wish me luck. : )

  108. Larry Says:

    Becca,

    I’m not sure if I mentioned this to you, but every county has a Department of Family and Children services. They have counselors specializing in child therapy that work with the courts.

    On top of that, it’s free (I believe, it is where i live). The safety of children is their primary goal.

    They’ve done good things for me.

  109. Jordan Says:

    Becca,

    Larry is right. I have considered that option too. I had a very negative occurance with them once dealing with a long ongoing custody battle with my stepson. It was because he was angry with me over a minor incident he turned on me and,, ugh.. just a very bad experience. I have been thrown under the bus so many times whith her and her kids (one of which is definately a sociopath, like his mother…. although I still don’t want to believe it) I have treadmarks all over me. All because I’m a nice, decent, HONEST, and trusting person,,, who forgave too many times.

    However, if you have a solid case, and a sound mind,,, youv’e got to do what you have to do. You can only lose so many nights sleep before it takes it’s toll, like me. God bless, and please keep us informed. You are not alone Becca!

  110. Becca Says:

    Jordan,
    Here’s a quote that I found so interesting and true, here is how he gets his disciples. : (

    “The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool. ”
    ― Stephen King

    The father attends the chamber meetings in the county, so I am going to persue the “independent” psychologist. Pray 4 for me.

  111. caringaunt Says:

    Thanks for your advice in regards to my 6 year old niece. I have called that toll free number before, they said they will send a social worker and investigate only if they found it worth investigating.

    My niece will not say one word against her mom, she is too scared, the neighbors and teachers all will vouch for sister in law, so I have to proceed with caution. Also SIL will know right away it is me who started it because I have asked her before “do you have a problem that your daughter is very bonded to me?”, of course her answer was “not at all” and she sees how happy my niece is to see me when I visit.

    I have had a couple of talks with her before, very subtle. Now I am thinking of talking to SIL, because things are getting worse, I feel like I am losing my niece anyway! But I am also afraid what she may do to me, make my niece lie for her, etc.

    But I really feel the need to talk to her, nothing accusatory or confrontational, nothing threatening, just to ask her maybe she is not aware of certain things she is doing, does she need any help. Frankly she is so aware, but I will have to fake it as well, so as to not enrage her. Also I have no support from my brother or my mom. I have read a few posts from this site, very useful, thank you!

  112. Larry Says:

    I would not suggest approaching her … she’ll see you as a threat. I still say DFCS is your best bet. Just keep on them until they do something. You don’t want them coming out, you want the meeting done at school or DFCS.

  113. Becca Says:

    Caring Aunt your story and description of what your niece is encountering is very troubling and I believe 100 % true.

    Protect yourself, be somewhat covert and NEVER give your SIL a heads up on anything. These type of people do not and will not ever see the same situation as you do. They choose to live and perceive their life as they believe it to be, in their own mind.

    Give them some of their own medicine by NOT backing down and question them, never provide an answer to them, question them with a question right back at them. Try to exhaust them as they exhaust us with all of their deceit, nonsense and trickery.

    Remember the GOAL, your niece. Stay focused, be smart and keep on the path. It is scary, but doing nothing is not the answer.

  114. Patti Says:

    Larry – What happened to Caringaunt’s original post about her niece? I see her post 05/02 thanking you for your advise, but don’t see any previous post from her…was it deleted or maybe on a different thread? Thx

  115. Larry Says:

    You can find Caringaunt’s original post here:

    http://country-of-liars.com/2520/sociopath-protection/comment-page-1/#comment-3913

  116. Margaret Says:

    What if your sociopath has unlimited funds and you know they are live streaming you but there is no way to go to anyone because you would definitely look crazy? How do you escape that which seems to be everywhere. Physically moving does nothing…it’s purely psychological relentless trauma over personal sense of freedom and environment. This might sound silly but do you think they could possibly get tired? How do you escape this. And I should have never allowed for it. Silly girl I know but they used my thought of love against me. Put my foot in a really, really huge hornets nest. What do I do to get out?

  117. Julie Says:

    Hi Larry, I find this website very interesting.

    I recently had an affair with a sociopath. I realize he is one now after doing some research. He was so charming and flattering initially. I was in an unhappy marriage and i loved the attention and the fact the he found me desirable. After 8 months, I decided to leave my husband. I had not been in love with him for a very long time. As soon as I told my boyfriend that I was leaving my husband, he began to distance himself from me. I had a gut feeling he had met someone else.

    I caught him in several lies eg. He wasn’t where he said he was a few evenings. I confronted him and he called me crazy and paranoid. His mask came off and I saw someone I didn’t know. I always knew he had a temper but never realized just how angry and cruel he could be. He made trouble for me at work. I was mortified. Anyway, we stopped seeing one another. I so angry and want revenge. A few weeks ago, I emailed him and told him that I had been reading up on sociopaths and that I figured him out. I never heard back from him.

    I’m surprised because knowing how cruel he is, I thought he would email me back something nasty. Perhaps he’s afraid because I know who he really is. I don’t know. Maybe that was enough to get rid of him. I hope he doesn’t contact me again. I’m worried he may be plotting his revenge.

  118. Jon Says:

    Margeret, you bring up a good point. my only experience with a spath is my wife. i have come to the conclusion that most spaths, while they may have access to a lot of money, that this is only temperary, they will find a way to mess that up. the money will be gone, they will spend it all, or give it away or something. one characteristic of a spath, they have a natural tendency to mess things up.

    i would like others comments on this, have you seen or experienced spaths that are able to hold on to a large amount of money for a sustainable time?

    Margeret, i am trying to comprehend your spath live streaming you. are there cameras in your residence?

    spaths are very capable of using their “disciples” for some type of gang stalking.

    to answer your question, spaths do get bored easily, they are drama people, if you lay low and not let them know they are getting to you, they can get bored and move on. they always have to have an enemy to destroy and it wont take them long to find one. spaths are similar to terrorest, they feed on the psychological harm that they cause.

    i hope that you dont get too down on yourself for “allowing” this, it is not your fault, a spath just happened to cross your path and target you, its what they do. concentrate on being as mentally strong as possible so that you can keep making good choices from here on out, this will be your strength.

    just a side note, while im thinking about it, it is probably a good idea for all of us victems to reinstall your operating system at least every 4 months, to wipe your drive down just in case there is any personal spyware on it. if you are not adept at computers, just take it to a local computer shop and tell them you are concerned about spyware and you want the drive cleaned and wiped, it should cost around 80 bucks.

  119. Larry Says:

    Julie,

    Thank you … I’m glad it lends you a new view.

    I would suggest to focus on yourself becoming invisible and avoid any further contact. It’s impossible to know his response to your letter. Let’s hope it’s not revenge, but instead, convinces him to distance himself from you. That would be the best ending to this.

  120. Larry Says:

    Margaret,

    I’m not sure I understand that you are being live-streamed. Why do you believe this? If they are from hidden cameras within your home, you can call the police. If the cameras are visible, then just take them down. If any questions, call the police. Your privacy is yours and yours alone.

  121. Larry Says:

    Jon,

    Thanks for responding to Margaret’s concerns. I wanted to further explain the notion of spyware. There are a lot of issues at play here: does your psychopath have physical access to your computer? If “no” did s/he ever? If s/he had previous access, have the computer scanned (you can do this at home with Norton, Symantec, etc). Make sure there is no future access, and that means don’t insert any disk with pretty pictures.

    If there’s ongoing access, get you own computer, or probably best yet, an iPad. Messing with one of them is nearly impossible. Macs aren’t quite as safe as an iPad, but much, much safer than a Windows machine.

    Chances are they cannot do anything from a distance, unless they previously set up a remote user application. For that you may need a pro to find, but it would allow the psychopath to record every keystroke.

    For the best security: an iPad.

  122. Jon Says:

    ok…. and so it begins … my sociopath wife ran away back in february and violated dui probation for the 2nd time. it turns out she got picked up just the other day (on my birthday, no less) and is in jail. i thought that she would evade custody longer. she knows how to work the system, must have told them she is going to harm herself, she is in the medical dorm with restricted visitation. maybe she will get some good drugs out of it. she looks absolutely awful (saw mugshot in internet), she has been on something, just an observation, no sympathy.

    now, my meter has started so i have to get something going to file divorce. i figure she is going to do at least the nine months if not the whole year (original sentance before probation) she is either going to tuff it out or she will write me and try to start the lies and fantasy all over again.

    now everyone repeat this BACK to me …. it was all a lie from hello to goodbye …. its just a fantasy … her persona was never real … Jon, she stole all your music equipment, jewelry, and expensive tools. … Jon, she tried to recruit satin worshippers to kill you …. Jon, she sent her ex bf in jail care packages while you were paying her probation costs …. Jon, she doesnt love you, never did, she doesnt love anyone but herself. …. Jon, she betrayed you in everyway possible (i never told yall that story) … Jon, she wants you dead so she can live off the insurance proceeds ( i cancelled have of it) … Jon, she has a black hole in her soul and she cant cause enough pain and sorrow to fill it up … JON, SHE IS A SOCIOPATH, SHE WANTS YOU DEAD.

    ok, thanks everyone for repeating that back to me, wish me well, i will be strong

  123. Dolly Says:

    reading through these comments, and i must say i agree and disagree with some. i happened across this site in hopes of finding some answers. i have just experienced a sociopath for the first time in my life. i want revenge, and am not tied down like most here seem to have been as far as her knowing where i live or any family they can get to. i want to tell my story and yes some will think me cruel too but what i have gone through at the hands of this women is pure evil.

    i will start off by saying i am a lesbian, have been one all my life, i am now 48, have no kids and just last week moved away from a town i had lived in for 30 years to a place in the middle of no where. when i was living in houston, i put in ad in a dating website looking or a no strings attached fling, i had gotten out of a bad relationship and wasn’t ready for a new one. My sociopath answered that ad. I spoke with her on the phone and honestly i wasn’t scared of being killed or hurt because i just don’t fear things like that.

    after meeting her and sleeping with her,i decided she wasn’t my type. the bad thing was i had left my movado watch at her place so she still had a connection to me. for 3 weeks i blew her off, not really caring about getting the watch back. one day i innocently asked her a question in a text about some music her and i had listened to, this was when i let her back into my life. she started with the double standards right away, things she could do but i wasn’t allowed to do. thnking she had every right to do things without thought to how it would make me feel.

    one thing i will say is i know she came from a family in where her and her sister were extremely sexually abused by their father, well for her, her step father, so from the start i felt sorry for her and what she had endured. let me cut to a few months later where she finally had me believing i was her soul mate, that she was totally in love with me, that she no longer had contact with her past boyfriend, that she was ready to move together to chicago along with her 2 young kids. one day she caught me in a really bad place and she told me some shit that sent me over the edge and i guess i behaved in a way that made her feel as if she had lost control.

    that night we sat at a restaurant and she proceeded to list for me the way in which she “secured” me to her. she used the words, baiting the hook, throwing it in the water and hooking me. that i was the big fish that she did not want to get away. that she lied to me in order to secure me. when she said these words it was if i had a house fall on me. i had always been considered the emtional one in relationships, the jealous one, the crazy one, until that moment i didn’t know what evil looked like. and it was in the face of this 41 year old mother of 4.

    anyway suffice it to say i stayed, somehow thinking that her behavior to secure must have meant she really loved me, yeah i know i’m screwed a little in the head as well. i know i suffer from low low self esteem and that is why i believe her words were able to fool me so well. she knew what i craved and went staright for the jugular.

    okay so now for my plan, and please i would like some advice but don’t use religion and god on me because i am a lesbian, that is not why i am here at this site. i want to share my plan of revenge. i have never in my life been a vengeful person, but she used me so badly and thinks she is justified and that she did nothing wrong that i want to show her and give her a taste of her own medicine. while we were together, of course she wasn’t out as a lesbian or as woman attracted to other women to her family. she promised me she would bring me into her life but the only time i ever saw her was when she was working, she takes care of an elderly woman m-f at a different house which is when i would spend the week with her.

    we took pictures of us and video of us that would cause ruination in her life. i can have her fired, her kids, the grown ones would react badly and at the very least for a while she will have her life upside down. like i said at the beginning of this post, i have moved 10 hours from houston so she has no way of knowing were i am and has no knowledge of anyone who knows me. i have friended people she knows on a social network and i want to expose her to all these people. i realize this almost makes me as bad as she is, but i know what i’m doing and i do feel bad for it. she knew what she was doing and not once felt bad about all the lies and deceit she threw my way. i don’t want to just walk away. i want my revenge. i welcome all your advice. ty all for listening, i know i must not make any sense but its only been 2 days since i was wounded in a way that is unforgivable by this monster who ruined my life with her lies.

  124. Dolly Says:

    one thing is obvious, all of us on here exposed to these people are forever changed. i read these stories and it is so sad to me that they have taken the lives of normal people and turned us into spiteful vengeful people. for me louis, the previous poster, his story and his outlook on how he now has to become the aggressor really hit home with me.

    not only do these sociopaths hurt us while they’re with us, they harm us because they now make us become like them. i don’t know if i want that for myself. i know i am not perfect, but i also know that i am a compassionate person, that i do feel bad when i have hurt someone, that my emotions and feelings are real and when i love someone, i really love them. i don’t want to become like she is.

    i am thinking hard as i try to connect with everyone i know she knows that can ruin her, but i am hoping that before i get all the connections i need, that my heart will change me and i will no longer desire to get even with her. i know for normal people the best revenge is usually to live well, i just don’t know how that works for people dealing with sociopaths.

    good luck to us all.

  125. Jon Says:

    dolly, since you have all the tools that you need to ruin her, perhaps you can wait a few days and re analyze things after you get some rest and reevaluate.

    my first thought that comes to mind is that you can almost never ruin a spath. chances are, they already have a sordid past that may shock you and when you attack them, if they win, they just slither off to another existance and start all over again. im just thinking out loud here.

    the main thing, after you get some rest, is to make sure you have your bases covered so that once you let out pandoras box, you will have a better chance that the repurcussions dont come your way.

    i told my father inlaw all about his daughter (the spath) and it only put fuel on the fire and i dont think he belives she’s a spath, he thinks shes just an alcholic … and he doesnt speak to me anymore.

    anyway, i hope you take some time and think it through again, only to make sure you have covered yourself

  126. Larry Says:

    @ Dolly

    I second Jon’s opinion.

  127. Dolly Says:

    ty both jon and larry. i will say i have thought it through and the thought of her past saddens me.

    i know she was severly sexually abused which like i said in my earlier posts, makes me feel a sorrow for her. nevertheless what she did to me and all the lies is beyond what i would have ever thought possible. my biggest concerns now are will i lose my compassion and ability to love because of this encounter with this evil woman?

    i understand others’ posts here and their hatred of these people, i just don’t want the reason i believe we are here on this earth, to love and care for another, to be harmed by this woman. my humanity has always been of utmost importance to me and my ability to love someone is the best thing about me. do i want to swim in the cesspool of the sickness and evil that personifies this woman and those who have caused so much sadness to others? will my outing her to her friends and family really bring me satisfaction? will her losing her job and possibly getting her ass kicked my her divorced husband actually make me feel better? does it make me stupid to think of her as a child being used and abused by all the adults that were supposed to protect her, and it causing me to feel sorrow for her and possibly compassion for her?

    my god she got pregnant at 15 by a 24 year old man. her whole life has been being beat by the people she chose to share her life with. is it stupid of me to feel sorry for her? these are the thoughts that are eating me up alive. yes she did the unforgivable, plotting to make me her victim, and lying when there was really no reason to lie. does she deserve the same betrayal from me as she chose to put me through? hell i don’t even hate her, i feel sorry for her. even though she is a sociopath doesn’t she warrant someone in her life who might actually not turn out to be like everyone else?

    i’m not saying i will be in her life, but if i show her a different way of being by not betraying her and not ruining her life, is there a way she might begin to think that not all people are out to get her and that she doesn’t have to be a cold heartless sociopath? this is my first encounter with anyone like this so please excuse my ignorance. i am just not as evil as she is. i still want revenge but it surely will be done with as much thought as possible, i just don’t want to lose what makes me human.

  128. Larry Says:

    Dolly,

    You will not lose your compassion unless you stay with her. Turn, walk away and don’t look back. That way you can begin to build up your compassion and wellbeing again. Remember, a psychopath cannot be changed … it’s a physical abnormality of the brain.

    She will only begin to manipulate you again using her persona, and make you believe what she wants you to believe. She is and will always be a sociopath, and that’s why you need to eliminate her from your life.

    No revenge; walk away knowing that you learned something new about other people on the planet.

  129. Jon Says:

    Dolly,

    in my opinion, you will not lose your compassion at all, you will just be more careful and redefine your boundaries and, most important, stick to your boundarys.

    if i may use this analagy, it would be the same as if a con artist conned you, you would then be more careful in the future and wary of con artist. a spath is similar to a con artist, but they take your money and your soul and sometimes target you for character assisnation. but unlike a con artist, they will try to come back and do it again, if they can.

    my biggest fear for you is that you implement your plan, and it doesnt phase her a bit, she just closes up shop, so to speak, moves on and opens up in a new place where nobody knows her.

    in fact, it might make her implement character assissination. she would just deny everything and have everyone convinced that you made it all up, thats just the sort of page that comes from their play book. anyhoo, i wish you the best, stay strong.

  130. Becca Says:

    Well….My husband, soon to be ex, is assassinating my character constantly!

    Yes he has moved from town to town for over the past years, and now he is in my town, he is my husband, divorce pending for over 2 years, we have a child together and he had said to me if I leave him he would make my life a living hell ! That is exactly what he is doing, this is a nightmare for me.

    I am a attractive, kind person and he has my 40 + years of who I am completely down the tubes, he has fooled everyone and trying to counter him is a daily challenge and just about impossible. This is his second time around and he is very good at what he does. Pray for me, I am keeping my head above water, but people are constantly turning away from me and my child because people believe him. No one can understand the anguish or the situation unless they have lived it, sociopaths are EVIL to the bone. Jon you have hit it right on, Dolly beware !

  131. bethan Says:

    me and my bf got engaged. my parents were happy everything great his mother started messaging me saying it was stupid we to young im 21 my bf 25 he has a lil girl with some one else and looks after her lil sister we have had emails death threats she threatens to go to court and take the only acces away from him because he is with me she says shes doing it for the girls but shes using them as toys. iv got emails and recordings all of his other exs ended it because of his mum she has got criminel record but always seems to get away with everything she degrades him and says she wishes he wasnt born then next thing shes cleaning his house letting her self in lending him money then using it agaisnt him hes scared of her you can tell and i love him so much i dont want us to end at all and he dosnt either we have broken up and remaining friends until it blows over but she didnt even want us being friends she tried making him choose between me and him took his car of him and sat in his house till i would leave i worry that she is a danger to his little girl and will try and brain wash her as his ex wont let him see his little girl without his mum there the reason why they went to court was because of his mum i have been with him a year we were going to let things blow over but they are getting worse hes got a heart operation coming up he was born with half a heart and loads of other problems and his mum is killing him saying she will slit our throats and claim insanity she seems to twist everything i say or do iv tried to get on with her to get to know me but its pure jelousy its not about the kids.because when i was helping him as you do in a relationship when he forgets things i wrote it on a white bored when we went away she pulled it down and chucked all my stuff in the bath.we wanted to move in together he has the girls over night every other week and saterday days we cant leave and its his mother which is sad but he needs to get away from her i would try talking to his ex but shes jelous and i dont know what to do we dont want to end and even if i did walk away his mum will end up hurting his little girl and we are both a mess because we just cant understand why we are both adults and want to be togther she will stop at nothing and always holds his kid agaisnt him that shes going to tell her how horrid daddy is he dosnt smoke drink do drugs hes unwell and trying his best shes going to end up killing him with stress :*(

  132. bethan Says:

    i was meant to make a post sori was that on a comment page these things confuse me

  133. Danna Says:

    bethann,

    This is why it’s best for bio-parents to stay together (by growing up and putting their children’s needs before their own needs, and the needs of the new girlfriend).

    If you want life long drama and the ebbing away of your values, then continue on, wanting to be with this man. However, the right thing to do, is let him go. He should stay single for whatever time is necessary to focus on the well-being of his child. If he does that, then it’s more likely his ex (the mother of his child), will calm down, and they’ll be able to co-parent decently.

    Now, you may be too immature and afraid to let him go, but I hope you’re not. It’s important to do the right things, even when we’re afraid.

    (Doing so, creates very good karma.)

  134. Pink Says:

    Help. I have recently come to realize that my husband of over 20years is a sociopath. Hedrilled for divorce 3 years ago, for reasons I did not understand until now. My world crumbled and continues to crumble. He has found a way to turn my friends against me, and has corrupted our son (19) into not contacting me. My ex knows my son is the only person I have in this world.

    I sit here devistated day after day. And the ex won’t let the divorce die. The judge awarded me alimony, not because I asked for it, but because of what she saw he stole from me and also from my Mother. It’s been 2 years and he has already take it back to court 3 times to get it stopped. Each time the judge reduces it a little because the courts want to make things fair for both parties. Yet each time it costs me lots of money and drains me emotionally. Sending me back to the depression I had when he first told me he was filing for divorce.

    We are now in the middle of it again and just heard from my attorney that that the ex told his attorney that he is very annoyed with our actions.

    I am scared and I have told people that if I end up dead to have it investigated completely.

    I need the money I was awarded, because I was left with numerous bills from him. He stole, lied and cheated his way into my pocketbook and my heart and I am devastated that I allowed it to happen to me. I pray every night I don’t wake up in the morning, yet here I am.

    I have no one to talk to about any of this and really don’t know what to do. I am at such a loss and feel my life has been a complete waste.

    I was also told the other day by my financial planner that within a year I will be in financial ruins, yet my life expectancy is 27.9 years. Talk about being shell shocked.

    Well thanks for listening. When I talk to People I know, they don’t comprehend any of it.

  135. colinda Says:

    I want to tell my story…a sad story…it is about my one and only sister by blood…she groomed me to sell me to her sexual abuser for profit…she delivered me to him at the age of 15 to stand over the sofa where he raped me…she admitted to me that she did all this for financial gain…it is hard for me to live with this truth…but I now know the truth…it is hard after 3 years of no contact and the disciples she has accrued to support her judgement of me as a drama queen…I am sick at heart and want to out her for the evil bitch she is…please tell me there is SOMETHING i can do to heal from this or to get some justice…what she has done was to take my love for her and my need for her to use it as a weapon to endeavor to destroy me…help!

  136. Relieved Says:

    I have been able to get revenge on a sociopath. I’m lucky, though. I’m far smarter than “my” socio, and I’m a very good lawyer. So I reminded her that I can prove she lied on all of her job applications and her federal security clearance. It was soooo much fun to respond when she said, “You’re not much of an attorney if you can’t keep secrets.” Me: “There is a crime/fraud exception to even the attorney/client privilege, and there is no such thing as a little perjury between friends.” She shut up.

    I have also been talking to our mutual friends, and we’re comparing 30 years of notes. This has been the most powerful tool of all. Secrecy is the sociopath’s key to control. So I took it away from her.

    She understands, even on her crude level, that she messed up when she went after me. She may be a cunning sociopath, but I am paid to be ruthless when necessary. That’s something the average sociopath is not prepared for in a target.

  137. Madmacks Says:

    Larry,

    I enjoyed and appreciated your postings about Psychopathy. Having been a target of psychopathy for the last 4 years, I appreciate your spot on understanding of the psychopathic mentality.

    It is genuinely scary to witness the depths depravity of the unmasked psychopath. Their logic and their ability to distort, ignore and manipulate facts in order to justify thier selfishness is maddening and the chaos that results is inescapable.

    Your recommendations to leave town and have no contact are unquestionably the best course of action. Unfortunatly, that is not always possible for everyone. Some people may have children with Court orders requiring money be paid and parenting shared with thier psychopath.

    I happen to be a father, at this moment, enmeshed in a precendent setting and unresolved custody case in the Virginia (Fairfax County Circuit Court) with Psychopathy as the unspoken, elephant in the room.

    Effective Strategy is needed immediately.

    Are you aware of an expert in psychopathy that can speak in Court on the subject? The evidence and patterns of behavior are undeniable in my case. In fact, there is overwhelming and compelling evidence that the psychopathy of my ex-wife could be gentic, socialized or even perhaps resulting from a Traumatic Brain Injury. The mother’s father was convicted of accomplice to murder in Texas. He fooled the Jury and the Judge and was sentenced to 7 years probation instead of the death penalty for hiring a man to kill his business partner over heroin trafficking.

    My concerns as a father have always been for the emotional welfare of my children. Just 2 days ago, I was given a copy of a letter written by my ex-wife wrote to the (the best K-12, Private School in the area) in response to the decision to not invite my son back for 2nd grade because of his behavioral issues. The letter ts is disturbing for the psychopathic manipulation and denial exhibited by my ex-wife, and it disturbs me as a father that my son is being treated for behavioral problems with 10 mg of Ritalin, without any regard for psychopathy or the fact that the child has not seen or talked to his father in the last 2 years.

    The Court was fooled badly and has since stuck its head in the sand attempting to avoid psychopathy altogether. Now evidence is available that proves that ‘my concern for the emotional welfare of my children’ over the last 4 years has been a valid concern.

    I would like to solicity your and the Board’s opinion as to what woud be the ideal solution for the Courts to properly identify, and manage psychopathy in Custody Cases? Safegurds need to be implented in my case immediately and the Court can not be left to its own devices to triangulate an argument not to hear the case.

    My plan is to petition for a Guardian Ad Litem for the Children, with the letter from my ex-wife as its first exhibit. The Guardian Ad Litem will have to advise the Court as to the best interest of the children and offer recommendations. The case will create precedent regardless of its outcome. I would like to see that the case be referenced in all future custody cases regarding psychopathy.

    What is the right way for the Court to handle custody where one parent demonstrates lifetime patterns of behavior that clearly have a psychopathological origin?

  138. Larry Says:

    Madmacks.

    There’s no easy answer for that. You would need to get your wife evaluated by an expert in the field, and because of court, you’d likely be obliged to also. You cannot use the word in the court, since you are not a medical professional trained to diagnose such a condition. And if you did, the opposing attorney would take the opportunity to destroy your credibility.

    The only way to do it is get a court ordered evaluation, and you’d likely be evaluated, too.

  139. Becca Says:

    Larry and Madmacks

    I am still in the divorce process, not over yet, and my entire court case was straight from out of the “Kangaroo Court Book”, my second attorney was a door mat and I cannot believe that the man did not speak my case to the Judge, the entire cast of characters was on my husbands side, so it appears, and my attorney never made the husband “Norman” have a psychologic forensic evaluation, some how I have to get someone, some how to order an evaluation on my soon to be ex husband because he is a Psychopath, narcissist, ASP etc. and needs to be exposed, he is the worse thing I have ever met on this earth, and my child and I need to be free from him, not remaining in a sharing custody status.

    This is still a supreme court issue and I am broke, I spent over $40,000 and here I am…wondering what do I do now?

  140. Larry Says:

    Becca,

    If a final decree has not been arrived at, fire your attorney (consider a malpractice case against him) and get another. When I selected my attorney I asked a judge (outside his jurisdiction) and another attorney for references. Don’t choose one from an ad as the good ones don’t need to advertise.

    If you have a chance to go back to court, demand that you attorney require a physiological evaluation of you husband. And chances are you would need to take one, too. I hear they can cost up to $2000, but it would likely expose him. Make sure he gets the PCL-R test which is the accepted for psychopathy.

    I know all too well how it can break you financially, but sue also for your attorney fees. Judges will award in some instances.

  141. Pink Says:

    Becca, sorry for what you are going through in court. I have gone through similar things with the court system. It is never ending for me. In three years I have lost over 100,000.00 between legal fees, court costs, private investigators, etc. – so much for retirement. Three attorneys later, we still aren’t moving forward very well.

    I think my ex’s feeling is that since he wasn’t awarded money, he is going to make me lose what I have left. He talks a smooth game and his game is border line legal.

    As Relieved said, secrecy is the sociopaths key to control..now if I can just find the right person to listen to me, I would be willing to tell his secrets.

    Larry, A malpractice case would cost money and be very hard to prove. I have also found that judges aren’t to willing to award legal fees unless it’s for contempt of court motions, but always worth a try to get the money. It’s a gamble though.
    Good luck, I hope things work out well for you..I know the battle is draining.. Stay strong.

  142. Relieved Says:

    FYI, children should always be assigned a guardian ad litem in a divorce case. Some don’t care and just want the fee and do no work. Make sure the ad litem is ordering the appropriate studies and not slacking.

  143. TOKAPELLI Says:

    CHELE-FISH
    She broke my heart – more than once
    She stole my smarts – made me the dunce
    She tore apart – with crazy stunts
    It smelled of farts – her dirty c*nt
    She doesn’t see – when it comes to me
    What sets me free – what makes me – me
    So she lies & she cheats
    & she steals from my soul
    & she’s never complete
    She’s always 1/2 full
    & as soon as she gets
    All that she wants
    She starts to regret
    Then sh*ts in the faunt
    She didn’t care – when I shaved off my hair
    My soul layed bare – just a blank stare
    Another promise broken – Just an empty token
    A symptom of her dis-ease – Empty words spoken
    I’m not jokin’ – as often as she sneezed
    So see you later – I said – & I Did
    Again & Again & Again
    & Then came our kid
    & you did what you did
    Again & Again & Again
    I understand now
    Your just who you are
    So let out a howl
    & jump on that star
    Take care of yourself
    & enjoy the ride
    & when meating the elf
    Remember & cry
    Cuz You touched the best
    How can I deny?
    Though I’m just one of the rest
    Right Now – In Your Blind Eye
    Remember & Cry
    The Day That You See
    That you can’t lie
    to the big G-O-D
    Like you lied
    When talking to me
    You’ll see how I tried
    To set your soul free
    & then how I cried
    When you betrayed me
    I always will LOVE you
    But enough is enough
    You make me feel sooo blue
    I’ve got to be tough
    So goodbye & so long
    See ya later & such
    WAIT.
    I can’t bear to be near you
    So let’s make this the end
    No – I’ll be seeing you later
    Or – Let’s still be friends
    Go on with YOUR life
    Your desires & lust
    Oh Unfaithful wife
    Destroyer of Trust
    Bringer of strife
    Decay & rust
    I see you no more
    I’ve now closed the door
    To You – The way you be
    But because I adore
    The You that’s much more
    I leave you with a key
    Know:
    As long as you snore
    outside my door
    NEVER you will see
    Your Spirit Must Soar
    With feet on the floor
    Through Humble Honesty
    KARMA is REAL.
    PEACE

  144. Madmacks Says:

    Becca, Pink, Relieved, & Larry,

    Thanks to all of you who have responded. I shouldn’t be, but I am happy to know that there are others going through the same experience. There is strength in numbers.

    I am about to Petition the Court for a Guardian Ad Litem to represent the best interest of my children. The Petition will include a request/suggestion that the Court also appoint an expert in psychopathy to investigate my concerns and advise the Court. I was told by three experts in psychopathy that a GAL is the best strategy for fighting a psychopath in Court. I am also getting recommendations from the leading experts in psychopathy on experts willing to testify in Court about Psychopathy and advise the Court.

    In my case, both parties were ordered to obtain a ‘psychological evaluation’, but for some unknown reason [the doctor] conducted a ‘custody evaluation’ instead. In his ‘custody evaluation’ [the doctor] concealed and witheld from the Court evidence of domestic violence, emotional abuse of our children, and giant red flags for psychopathy.

    My case has had over 40 hearings and my ex-wife has spent over $1 Million in legal fees to sabotage my relationship with my children and burden me financially. She asked the Court for and was awarded – full custody of the children, ALL the assets from the marriage, and no phone or physical visitation with my own children. Even though, I was never found to be an unfit parent nor were there any allegations of physical, sexual or drug abuse.

    The great thing about psychopaths is that their patterns of behavior give them away. They can fool people initially, but they will eventually reveal themselves. I have relentlessly been expressing to the Court ‘my concerns for the emotional welfare of my children’ and about psychopathy. After 4 years, I think the Court will have no choice but to appoint (and pay for) a GAL to properly consider my concerns about psychopathy.

    Becca, I agree with Larry that you should go back to Court. Whether the case is final or not, if you have children, go back to Court and Petition for a Guardian Ad Litem for your children. Then when you have the GAL, share your concerns with the GAL, show them evidence of the patterns of behavior that define psychopathy and request fair, reasonable, and appropriate modifications to the orders.

    From my experience, there is a ‘conspiracy of silence’ with Judges, lawyers and psychological experts regarding psychopathy. They do everything they can to avoid the dealing with the issue. In my case, the patterns are undeniable and the chaos created by psychopathy is clearly the source of conflict.

    I am cautiously optimistic that my case could set a precedent for the identification and management of psychopathy in a Custody case. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

  145. Pink Says:

    Because of another case the Ex is in the middle of, his lies and deception in my case with him are finally being looked at in a better light.

    I now have to look through all my paperwork and notes for the past few years to back up any statements that I have..I want to say I’m making headway, but I get nervous to think that it will be positive.

    It seems like the more I can prove the truth, the more he can twist it.

    I’m holding my breath and praying that we might be at the end of this saga.

    I wish everyone going through the pain and anxiety of dealing with these types of people – much needed peace and comfort. (((hugs to all)))

  146. Madmacks Says:

    Pink,

    You and I seem to be in very similar situations. Just keep in mind that the Court does not consider you an expert.

    From my experience and speaking with experts and attorneys, you should express your concerns, point out patterns of behavior with evidence and ask that the Court to appoint an expert to advise it accordingly. In Virginia, Judicial Canon 3(B)(7) b. states ‘A judge may obtain the advice of a disinterested expert on the law applicable to a proceeding before the judge if the judge gives notice to the parties of the person consulted and the substance of the advice, and affords the parties reasonable opportunity to respond.’ I will be counting on this Canon for the Judge to appoint an expert on Psychopathy.

    I’ll let you know if this strategy works for me in the coming weeks.

  147. Becca Says:

    Is Guardian Ad Litem the same as the Law Guardian, because the Law Guardian my child had was on my husbands side and was being granted a favor, he was new kid on the block I never had a chance.

  148. Larry Says:

    Becca,

    A Guardian Ad Litem is a person appointed on behalf of a child or someone else who cannot speak for themselves in court.

    It’s usually an attorney, if I’m not mistaken.

  149. dave Says:

    I wish you all well in dealing with the problem that has you here. Leaving town and far away from the Sociopath is the best thing ever if you can do it. I was destroyed in the community where I lived. The Sociopath in my life was a co-worker(friend). He played a kind of life game, as anyone heard of this before?

    After trying to remember the events over all the years I knew him. He had me manipulated in experiencing the events in his life or as close as he could come. And he tryed what he thinks, mine. Do Sociopaths really believe their own lies and forget about who they really are and how they hurt others?

  150. Angie Says:

    Thank you for a wonderful wealth of help! My daughter’s boyfriends mother has had us hostage to a turbulent roller coaster ride for almost 12 months. She has lied, manipulated, blackmailed and controled almost every moment of our waking day with some drama!

    She has screwed over everyone she has met for money so doesnt need to work so has been able to spend every waking moment on her next game strategy… I was beginning to think I was going mad, as she switches from ‘victim’ to aggressor… She has been trying to get ‘dirt’ on us for 18 months, thankfully we have lead pretty normal and boring lives but the daily stress is immeasurable…

    She went for us because her son gained some confidence living with us and found his father and found out that his father had not left him because of autism but had in fact been run out of town after being taken to the cleaners then threatened and left in ruins as she has done to several other men… One of those men had a win in Court today as she was trying to still claim child support from him for an 18 year old who was working full time and hasnt been in her care for over 2 years…

    I went looking for information because her tyrade of abuse has begun again and she is threatening to take everyone down with her! She seems to get away with everything and anything until today and now we are all wondering how she will punish all of those around her… Reading this wonderful site and other peoples insight has helped me beyond belief :-)

    Thank you for addressing so much and helping so many!

  151. kira Says:

    Speaking from experience while also taking the above advice very seriously (IE for goodness’ sake do not put yourself or your loved ones at risk just to avenge wrong) – hire a pro! LMAO…umm, just kidding.

    But the ugly truth is this: sociopaths are often potentially VERY dangerous to engage with. In most cases it is best to let go and let the good Lord deal with the problem (or karma, or the laws of nature, or Cthulu, etc.)

  152. Madmacks Says:

    The saddest reality is that legal and psychological professionals will NEVER tell you any of this. The lawyers and the psychologists all recognize ‘high-conflict’ personalities. It is no secret that psychopaths manipulate the courts, fill up 25%+ of jails, and are responsible for approximately 65% of all crime. Psychopathy is the straw that stirs their entire professions.

    The irony is that THERE IS NO HELP. The reality is that no one wants to diagnose a parent or a child with psychopathy.

    I actually made the mistake of pointing out psychopathy to the Courts, my attorneys, the Doctors involved and they all turned a blind eye to it. They look the other way and completely ignore bad behaviors that are consistent with patterns of behavior found in psychopaths.

    The most frustrating thing about it for me has not been the lies and manipulation, because those are reliable, predictable. The most frustrating part is the willful disregard for ethics, standards, good faith, that are supposed to provide guidance for professional behavior, by those responsible for protecting the public.

    I complained to the State licensing commission for psychologists about how the evaluator left out of his report huge red flags for psychopathy. The licensing board did not investigate the complaint and made no statement as to the actions of the doctor.

    When complained to the American College of Forensic Examiners International, that the evaluator violated their Principles of Practice, I was first told it was not investigated. Then I was told it was investigated in less than a week after they received the complaint. They twisted themselves in knots trying not to make a formal statement on my complaint.

    The American Psychological Association is now investigating the same complaint against the evaluator in my case, who used his knowledge of psychopathy to hide three huge red flags for psychopathy from the court.

    Getting tangled up in the web of psychopathy is a nightmare. Leaving town and getting away is the only way to remove it from your life. Staying nearby, where your presence is a threat their ability to con others, will only lead to more conflict.

    You will never hear this kind of advice from an ‘expert’. Thanks to Larry for printing the truth.

  153. Larry Says:

    Madmacks,

    All of what you say does not surprise me, since I ran into similar roadblocks. Sociopaths need power, and many of them are quite intelligent, taking on careers that would place them in a position of power (e.g., lawyers, judges, doctors, CEOs, etc.)

    The professionals I’ve gone to seem to back away when I brought up psychopathy. For some reason, maybe from their own personalities, they don’t want to deal with it.

    We are left to fend for ourselves, and that does mean getting far away.

    Thank you.

  154. Becca Says:

    This is so sickening. These people and my text book psycho are pathetic spineless cowards and I hate that they actually have this inate ability to destroy anything and anyone that interferes with their vindictive self manufactured life. I pray everyday to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdon to know the difference. Eye of the Tiger !

  155. dave Says:

    Very well said Becca. I needed positive energy today.

  156. h Says:

    Living well is indeed what the sociopath holds in contempt. Any humanitarian with a good life ahead of them is a target. Lone or isolated people as well. Divide and conquer is what many victims expose. They divide you from college or your job, friends and family. The defaming and continued harrassment does not stop untill you leave town……….Divide and Conquer. How about we all come together and expose them?

  157. h Says:

    I had a sociopath expose himself publicly. They get very confident and the followers enable the over confidence. I had a blog too and I broke down about 10 psych dispositions and one was sociopaths. The only post this sociopath wrote on was the sociopath one and he did it with making accusations at me,,,hmmmm.

    He also would be starrring at me next to my bedside when I woke up. I would intentionally change small things on any internet profile almost every day after I found out he was “researching: me. He noticed everyone and exposed he was stalking my profile every day with a fake profile and never was accepted as a friend on any site of mine…hmmmm

  158. pussikins Says:

    hi was reading and felt i had to tell u that my life was a living hell when my husband died…..i wanted to kill myself….
    what happens…i meet this charmer (married) who persuades me to open a business with him and he literally takes me for a ride….
    i lose close to usd 150,000 – almost lost my home too – he never forked out a penny as he was totally skint – now he has done a runner and i will not be at rest till i avenge myself but it looks like it will be a no no – i now realise he was a first class sociopath…..cared for no one but himself….fleeced me dry and then just let me to rot on my own..
    i am very very depressed…..

  159. Larry Says:

    pussikins

    At that point in our lives we can become extraordinarily vulnerable. He saw that and took advantage of you. The least you should do is start seeing a therapist for talk therapy, and a psychiatrist for anti-depressants. We’ve all been there, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Take care of yourself now. You may have legal paths to take, too, by I’m not an attorney.

  160. pussikins Says:

    hi larry

    I had my fair share of anti-depressants when I lost my husband so I would not like to go down that path again.

    I will not even think of taking him to court as he has not got a penny to his name so it will be more expense for me for zilch…The financial part bites and it hurts bad but the psychological side is much worse. I am not a bad person so I cannot conceive how people of the sort exist and thrive and always seem to come out as winners to others’ detriment !!

    That is what keeps getting me…Ok he is on the run …I am not and at least I can hold my head up high BUT this saga took its toll on me BIG TIME. I just hope he gets his just desserts some time soon and I just hope I will still be around to hear about it. I have a burning passion for him to suffer but as most comments evidence these people are quite invincible…

  161. Larry Says:

    Pussikins,

    You’re right: they not only exist (in vast numbers) but they thrive. It’s what they specialize in. There is nothing more important to them than fulfilling their narcissistic lifestyle, at any cost. They can be highly skilled at brainwashing.

    Deep inside me, I’m like you. I would love to see my predators feel what they made me go through — even more so. But I know it would cut my life short by making that a task I focussed on.

    I let go of those hypocrites in my life that professed love, but at every turn, they’d stab me in the back. I wrote off a large part of my family, something I would have never guessed, or even imagined would happen to me. If it hadn’t happened to me, I would likely be hesitant to believe the truth: that it is rampant on the planet.

    Try to turn around and never look back.

  162. pussikins Says:

    thank you Larry – very wise words….I know time is a healer …and I know I must cut the cord…..in every sense..but God how I wish I cud see him eat dirt…sorry to be so aggressive. It’s not me at all but I have been left with so much on my plate….and its not good !

  163. Madmacks Says:

    Larry and all,

    I just wanted to let you know the outcome of the Emergency Petition for a Guardian Ad Litem. It was denied.

    The Court either does not understand psychopathy or is now trying to cover up for being fooled and manipulated into denying visitation, by preventing any third party involvement.

    It is imperative that I identify an expert in psychopathy to review my case and be able to testify as an expert in order for the Court to take action on my concerns about Psychopathy. Unfortunately, I have made Psychopathy the focal point of my case. I can not drop this strategy without giving up all future contact with my children. They have refused to negotiate anything. The issue of psychopathy has to come into Court one way or another. My behaviors have been a reaction to a belief that I am being targeted by a psychopath.

    Is there anyone in the Country willing to review my case, draft an opinion that states that there is a psychological emergency, and be prepared to testify in Court at a hearing to appoint a Guardian Ad Litem for my children?

    The patterns of behavior are pretty self evident. It would not be a stretch for any psychologist to see the pathological patterns of behavior.

    Does anyone know of a Doctor who will testify in Court about psychopathy in a Custody case?

    Thanks in advance for your help.

  164. Larry Says:

    Madmacks,

    If you haven’t already, please read my page on psychopath traits, specifically the second section about Dr. Hare’s Psychopathy Checklist. It is the recognized test to diagnose psychopathy. Read my highlighted area.

    Unfortunately, to determine if someone is a sociopath, they need to be diagnosed by a trained clinician. Your ex would not volunteer on her own, so the court would need to make it a court order that she, and likely you, be ordered to be tested. In court, my experience is that if one party is tested for something (e.g., drug testing) the other party is ordered to, also.

    A psychologist will not take the stand and swear under oath that based on hearsay (i.e., you sharing all your evidence) your ex is a sociopath. Under cross-examination, that psychologist would need to admit that s/he has never even met your ex. Hearsay is not admissible in a court of law.

    I wish I could share more promising news, but the ball is in their court, and it sounds as if the judge in your case would be unwilling to order such testing. I don’t know if appealing to a higher court is possible, but if it is, that may be your only option.

  165. Madmacks Says:

    Larry,

    I am very familiar with the PCL-R. The PCL-R is just a checklist. The way they score it is by looking at verifiable, third party, collateral data to support the evaluator’s conclusions that the characteristic exists. I have lots and lots of collateral data that shows a pattern of abuse, fooling the courts, lying, etc.

    The Court already ordered that I be psychologically evaluated. I explained/showed my evaluator exactly why I thought I was being targeted and why. His evaluation goes on to explain the behavior of someone targeted by a psychopath without saying ‘the subject believes he is being targeted by a psychopath.’ Of Course he can’t say my ex is a psychopath, but he could have told the Court that I believe it.

    My ex-wife was never evaluated even though ENORMOUS red flags for psychopathy exist in her and her father. She and her attorney fooled the Court into thinking she was the victim.

    I don’t want an expert to say she is a psychopath. I want one to say that I BELIEVE that I am being targeted by a psychopath and explain my behavior. Believing that your ex-wife and her father are psychopaths is not in the best interest of the children.

    All I am doing is asking the court to appoint a Guardian Ad litem to figure it out.

  166. Larry Says:

    Madmacks,

    Sorry that I misunderstood your desire. Allow me to ask you something: you seem to be representing yourself, without an attorney, from the words you use. Is that what you are doing?

  167. Madmacks Says:

    Larry,

    Unfortunately, yes. I have no other choice. The attorney’s I had both knew and saw the psychopathy, but would do nothing about it.

    Its a little weird when experienced divorce attorney’s are arguing to prevent a GAL in a high conflict custody issue.

    I never wanted to be in court. I begged them to give me a piece of paper that I could sign to end the legal battle. They refused and instead just keep dragging me to court. Its like a cat playing with a mouse.

    If you want to read my Petition for a GAL, you can download it here. http://bit.ly/Tmq8hS I took out all the identifying information. It will give you an idea of what is happening without knowing who its about.

  168. Surviving Says:

    Ok I just commented in another section and wish I read this first. I am totally freeked out right now, because everything you wrote has come true for me.

    I exposed him he knows it, i know the truth and the lies. I stood up to him and everything you said happened I lost in court where i should have won, he lied in court, his friends lied for him. I sat shocked and still sit in shock at how he succeeds and it is all lies.

    Everyone who knows me and doesn’t know me well think I am paranoid and lost it, because I keep saying it is not over until he feels it is over and that is when I am silenced for good. Well the only way he will silence me is putting me 6 feet under.

    I am in hiding and have been moving around for almost two years and no matter how good I think I am hiding, he finds me. He send his friends to harass me and intimidate me I guess to let me know i can never get away.

    The last incident was not to long ago and I question my own sanity thinking oh this is a coincident I am overreacting, no it wasn’t he knew what he was doing and he was so close to me his leg could touch mine. I pack and moved three days later.

    Every day and every night I live in fear, and a why I still have a small part of me that wants to fight back is beyond me.

    I guess if I will never get away and he will always find me why not go down with a fight, sound stupid but I am scared and no longer know what to do nor do I have anyone that understands and can or will help.

    I want him exposed and stopped in hope he will get put away and leave me alone, I guess that’s false hope.

  169. H Says:

    In some states it is legal to record intercepted phone calls. Carry a microcassette and get security cameras around home.

    Dont spread any info about this guy ti anyone other than law enforcement if filing a report and an attorney. It took me an entire 5 months to get clear of ‘sociopath’ even when I moved. Dont feed into anything, sociopaths want to get real close, real close to get you to react adn make you look crazy and try to slap a charge or sterotype on you.

    Truth is, they are cowards and just psych harrass….they use others to do anything physical and they may as the rage, guilt and shame gets worse blow up and even kill as their issue goes unattended. The co-conspirators are great for cross examination as they are easier to get to buckle but even a sociopath can be broken down.

  170. Larry Says:

    H,

    I’m not sure if you said what you meant, or meant what you said. Wiretapping is illegal in all 50 states. Both parties must know they are being recorded. You cannot legally intercept a phone call.

    Some states, though, permit recording a phone call if at least one person is aware of the recording (likely the person with the recorder). The last time I checked, having a recorder on your body in face-to-face conversations is legal in all 50 states.

  171. Surviving Says:

    I avoid all contact with my ex at all cost. I have changed my cell number 9 times and give it to no one and it shows up unknown when I make calls. I make no attempt to contact him, find him.

    I have moved 10 times in one year. I will not talk to law enforcement where I used to live because he knows some of them and even if he didn’t in the past he talked his way out of it.

    I do not believe anything he says or does except his threats and vow to get even. I know what he is and I know what he is capable of doing and he is a coward he gets his friends to do it or go along with him. I moved away as far as money allowed me to go. I have hope he will not find me this time and if he does where I am he will not attempt to come. I do believe if he finds me he will send someone to mess with me and intimidate me.

    I questioned my own sanity for a very long time, it wasn’t until I was away from him for a few months and then slowly it all started to come clear to me.

    I am amazed that in this day and time they are still able to get away with what they do. One thing I will not be able to do is trust ever again. I rather be alone the rest of my life and define my own happiness, then take a risk of getting caught up with another sociopath, never again. Maybe that is a premature statement to make but right now I have a hard time trusting anyone.

    I worry now that I posted on here, I thought what if he sees this and puts it all together and realizes its me? So here I am again having to choose interact or stay secluded. Sick and sad I have to live like this I am intelligent, I am in the legal field, so I know the laws and my rights, and not one thing I can do but take care of me, and do it alone.

  172. Becca Says:

    I have been told “to remain secluded” is letting him WIN ! But I don’t know what the correct thing is to do when battling these EVIL ENTITIES AKA MASTER MANIPULATORS. Do what you have to do for now to survive, and develop another plan to remain safe and sane. Our plans must always be evolving and versatile. People say don’t let your SP become an obsession, but you can never truly stop looking over your shoulder or fail to be very aware of who/whom you are speaking with…the walls have ears !

  173. Sarah Says:

    Well I am married to one… It’s not fun or easy. I have recently asked him to move but he won’t.

    We have three kids and I WAS trying to appeal to his logical side but there is not one there. He has slept on the couch for six months or so. That’s because it used to bother me when he sleep there, now I lock my bedroom door to make sure he does not end up there again and not take no for an answer.

    He is in dazzle mode right now because I asked him to move. It’s unnerving to watch… Even the way he works the kids. And that’s the thing my kids my precious angels are taking on his traits, even the way they speak to me. Such disrespect it hurts. As the wife I have learned there will never be enough that I can do. No matter how I handle a situation I should have done it different or respond to any situation I am crazy.

    I am a lot of other choice names as well but that’s not here nor there. I am married to the king of turdtown and they all fall in line around here, I am the only woman on our property (we have all male tenants who have actually watched me get punched in the head 7 times and walked away) my family lives 2500 km away in a different country. I am alone with my kids.

    I felt like breaking but can’t. I want him to move out there is his old room at his old house here with his brother but he won’t budge (I think it’s because his brother won’t let him back) I don’t know something has to give here I can’t fight and win. This man has everyone fooled. I have seen him do awful things. He has done awful things to me. Once you see them for what they are you can never unsee it. It’s painful but I knew going into this relationship that he was the last man I would ever be with emotionally.

    I was almost there before him. Wow it’s like he saw it and pounced I was such a willing victim. I know that I will lay with a man again but I do not think I will ever take them as honest anymore… I could have Jesus in front of me telling me something and I would wonder what his angle is. He has robbed me of my faith in humanity. Peace and love, Sarah

  174. h Says:

    I meant record an “incoming” call [not intercepting a call]. Excuse me :)

  175. h Says:

    I never said anything about recording private conversations.

    Where I live, It is legal to record incoming calls as long as, at least one person knows it is being recorded.

    I still have faith in humanity. The sociopaths attack had put me to honelessness and I learned and recieved unconditional love from two wonderfull people who are still in my life and one who has been in my life for many years.

    I was crying alone in the dusk time near a lake after being lone for about two months homeless. I have no family. A female came up to me and gave me a hug.

    Compassion still resonates.

  176. h Says:

    I did say the same thing too though as I came to the realization I was being framed. “I have no Faith in Humanity” in a stun Fuc&.

    I understand.

    We are all here to support you unconditionally.

    The author of this blog has been devoted to all of us as well.

  177. surviving Says:

    Sarah

    I am so sorry you are going through all of this and with children. I thought it was bad but at least I did not have small children mine are young adults and moved out. I stop having contact with them because I was in fear something would happen to them for standing up for me.

    I tried to get mine to move out and I ended up moving in the spare room, he ended up busting the door down many times and would try his manipulation games, I would just sit and look at him with no emotion and say “it doesn’t work anymore I know the truth” he became so enraged with me. I had no one like you but I ended up getting him out only hen he found s sucker to take him in that he could live off.

    I also thought about packing up when he was gone and leaving and never looking back if I could not get him out of the house. But even after I got rid of him he wouldn’t leave me alone.

    Can you get help and support from a domestic violence shelter, or advocacy group in your area?

    My neighbors watched him beat, drag, stomp and kick me around the parking lot where we lived for four hours no one called the police or even cared.

    Please try to find someone that can help you, if he is violent and hurts you, can you go to the court and get a protective order and get him out? It worked for me the first time I filed charges and for a protective order and he was out of the home and could not come back.

    I wish you all the best in getting away from this person and being safe.

    I am just amazed at how many people are being or have been destroyed from these kind of people and nothing is being done to gain awareness and help for their victims. I know I will never be the same ever, and I struggle everyday to heal from this and have some kind of a “normal” life.

    I hope you will get away and have a good life.

  178. Sarah Says:

    I know that one too… Once I moved into the basement apartment and it was not more than forty eight hours before the door was broken in. That day he choked me hard and i had to grab his balls and squeeze until he stopped.

    Every time he has hit me it was “my fault” I was acting like a child or something to that effect. I am a fighter. I have a problem backing down lol its always to my demise with him. He never listened to me, I told him about the things in my life that had happened to me. They desensitize a person.

    I fell so completely in love with the idea and outer show. There were people here all the time to see him and they all talked about how nice he was. He was a drinker… 18-24 a day. But he talked about quitting and how he had quit before for a couple years. So I figured maybe it was not that bad. After that came to a violent end he stopped. He is worse since he stopped it seemed to make him more calculating. He is so twisted.

    Even explaining to my friends some things that he does they don’t understand that it’s not what the action meant. It’s a move a very calculated move. As I ask him to leave and won’t he gets very agitated and wants to give me a swat but can’t because he knows this time I will not hesitate to call the police and have him removed. Shelters not in my children’s school area. And I will not move them again like that… Yes I did leave once.

    For six months however he wormed his way back into my life about two months into the move. And it funny looking back at some of “my” ideas, I realize they were his and I was very delicately manipulated. Hindsight is so clear. I can not take the children far I want them in their school. They have enough to process, my ten year old can not go through that. Peace and love.

  179. surviving Says:

    Sarah I hate you are going through all of that. One part of your post hit me the manipulation, they make you think you are making these choices in many ways you are but only after the constant manipulation.

    My ex knew how to break me down he would stay at me for hour and hours and sometimes it would go on for two or three days until I just broke and agreed I couldn’t take it anymore. He wouldn’t even let me sleep I was so sleep deprived and stressed out I would agree to anything just to shut him up and have him leave me alone.

    I tried to rationalize my reasons for staying and I have to be honest I look back and the day his mother told me pack you bags leave and never look back you are not safe, I should have done it. But I did not want to leave all of my things thought I was going to be able to get him out, I regret it and should have listened to of all people his mother.

    That is what I find really scary his own mother knows how bad he is and dangerous warned me to get away I wasn’t safe and after things went bad she acted like she never knew me, maybe she is afraid of him also.

    I just moved a few months ago and I hate where I am and hate I had to walk away from a really nice apartment I just moved into and loved, just because of him and his sick friends.

    Im tired I received harassing phone calls and texts early sun around 1am one if his associates I am getting really worn down from this it never stops and just when I think it does something happens again.

    Sarah you have to be safe and be safe for you children only you can make the choice to leave or stay.

    I wish you all the best and hope you get out of your situation

  180. amess Says:

    my life is over..im a walking shell….someone that was my trusted friend and confident managed to con me out of a sig amount of money.

    the were to do work for me and had a friend assist…well the work went south quickly…and this friend turned on me even though i was in the right hve dicumented oroof etc….he sided with the other guy. i was verbally abused yanked around….tormented and left with my home now ruined …

    recently he was calling again pretending to want to fix…but bc i wasnt around to answer calls..i was abused more with silent treatment.i hve poor health and they were acting concerned…..tthey triggered me badly with an abusive email….n then blamed me and ignored.

    today they blasted me on email knowing it triggers stating they were shutting down that email addy the only means to communicate….how could someone knowing my health is poor inflict more pain. the claim the want resolve..but rant ANDrefuse to talk via phone..y….they consulted two mental health professionals about me…the fried of theirs is posting publicly im imbalanced and im mentally ill.

    im not but i was in therapy for what this man has done. he claims i did unforgivable things to him and it is MY fault we are not friends. im bein bullied….i cant take it…my therapist doesnt get it at all. my house will never be the same again it is that ruined. but yet im crazy. i just cant do this….how coukd hebe this mean…deleting his email the only way to communicate….so now this will nvr get fixed and its all my fault.

    how can i go on

  181. pussikins Says:

    Amess,

    I too was conned out of a lot of money and suffered a lot of emotional unrest and stress so I can truly relate. I trusted someone who totally destroyed me. I KNOW that its best to let go but something inside me so wants revenge.

    He is on the run and can never return to his home country because so many people are out to destroy him. I was the one who forked out most but at the end of the day money is not everything. I still have my sanity (I think) and one day he will get what he has coming to him..I know he will.

    In the mean time try to move on….I am trying…some days are better than other but overall I think I will make it so please dont give up. My heart goes out to all of you. We are good people but the world is made up of all kinds.

    People like these sociopaths might think they rule the world but they will never find contentment or serenity. We still can by letting go and looking forward to a better life so please please be kind on yourself. Such is life ….

  182. amess Says:

    here i am crying after chatting online with him. he refuses to chat on the phone and kniws chat triggers me. i told him i felt trapped and he said he didint feel like talking on the phone. basically he is tring to convince me go hve his friend that. coned me come bk to do work. he said during one of my ptsd rages i accused him of rape and that scarred him. but he still cannot see that he triggered me.

    he said i hve made him loose all compassion
    he hates the phone now
    he tried to bring normalcy to.my life n look what happened
    he cant fix himself so how can he try to fix others its exhausting
    he is scarred and afraid…he cant talk to me about his life

    he sd dont think that me calling a few wdeks ago was so we could go.back to what we were…i sd that nevef will happsn as he took all desire away…still. kn the back of my mind i got ceeling he was looking for me to react…or feeling things out
    he had to mention his great jobs hes doing….meanwhile earlier he claimed..he couldnt do a thing….his life hasnt dkipped a beat

    im baffled he has no care how my health is…like before….who jst shuts jt off…and who stays on chat…when he knows jt bothers me.

    he mentioned i emailed his girlfriend too and he would nvr have ghought to do what i did to him nor has anyone ever done it.

    sd we r toxic to eachother it js sad but what it is.

    he claims im manipulating him….then sd i change st ehim can be nice then mean n hateful emails.

    so many times i told him i felt trapped on chat phone only.he didnt care…..very cold towards me….i even sd im getting an atty..he laughed and sd think i care about that.

    he went from supportive friend to turning on me which he claims he didnt.

    my question is does he realize chat triggers me…and intentionally does it…this is what started this mess. oh and i can nevercall him he always has me blocked. hurtful he supports his fake fruend n ditched me…i wrote him a goidbye letter thru tears…..hes just not who he was. be nvr would be this mean…and loved the phone.

    one final tng he sd just bc this isnt the way u wanted me go reach out…nothing satisfies u..all of this sounds so crazy typing it. i dont know what he is….but he clearly doesnt care. he was drunk tonite up while the gf sleeps…..not sure y she is with the cheater. to think all of it was fake n manipulation. anyone think me ranting about rape is the reason behind this?….i was really mean but as a response to him keeling me trapped n ruining my home…conning me etc.

    hes drunk ..pity his new clients jm victim…only time before..he sleeps with them too. not talking on the phone is odd to me…thoughts?

  183. D Says:

    Hi there, the comments here are very helpful.

    Ive been caught in the web of a sociopath for almost 8 years. Ive finally got up enough strength to move forward with no contact. The issue that presents the biggest problem is that we have a 4 year old child together. Im in the process of changing all of my contact information, and using a thrid party to make any arrangments with our child.

    If you can provide any advice on how I can remain my sane through out this process, and what can I do to make sure he doesnt start using our child as a weapon? He is always over critical with our child, and lil things children do anger him easily. Im hoping that he just falls into the background and doesnt insist on seeing our child much, this may be best.

    Any advice would help. thank you.

  184. dav Says:

    I can’t help to much, but I am thinking he will use or do anything he can to get what he wants. Just don’t listen to him. He will lie to you, trick you. Let friends know what is going on. Spend little time with him. Read about gaslighting, projection. Good luck too. oK!

  185. Madmacks Says:

    D,

    I am in the same situation. I was married to a psychopath for 8 years. She lived in a world of projection, denial and gas-lighting. It was maddening to say the least. When the divorce began, I learned that her father was convicted in 1970 of accomplice to murder for hiring someone to murder his friend and business partner, after it had become known that he was trafficking heroin. I understand why they didn’t want me to know, but the fact that no one in her family never mentioned it in 8 years was beyond strange.

    The next day, my ex-wife’s father changed attorneys to the most aggressive attorney in the entire Washington DC metro area. That attorney refused all negotiation and dragged me into court over and over again, based on my ex-wife’s allegations alone.

    When I realized that the behaviors of her and her father I had experienced during the marriage and even more so after the divorce were psychopathy, I made my concerns known to the Court.

    The Court literally ignored me and my concerns. I spelled it out for the Judge and he chose not to see the patterns. I gave the Court these articles and said this is what is happening in my case.

    Article 1
    Article 2
    Article 3

    The Court is now literally refusing to consider ‘psychopathy’ as the source of conflict. When the Court refused to consider that it had been fooled and that it was doing everything my ex-wife wanted to do in order to alienate me from my children, I asked the Court to bring in a third party, Guardian Ad Litem, to represent my children’s best interest. The Court refused to appoint a GAL after 40 hearings that had been ruled in my ex-wife’s favor EVERY SINGLE time. After winning every single hearing, I have no visitation whatsoever with my children and will go to jail if I mail them a Christmas present.

    My advice to you is to remain silent about your ‘allegations’ that he is is a psychopath because the Courts and the psychological professions do not want to label anyone with psychopathy. You should be prepared to manage the emotional abuse you will endure. Understanding gas-lighting, projection, denial, and emotional invalidation, will help you defend your psyche from these tactics used by your ex. All you can do is try to manage yourself as you will be repeatedly facing this kind of emotional abuse as long as you share any kind of parenting.

    Good luck to you. I actually wish I had what you have.

  186. Madmacks Says:

    Larry,

    I may or may not have told you how the evaluator committed fraud in my case.

    I actually found the smoking gun that the evaluator committed fraud from his own book on how to protect children from Divorce.

    Read what he wrote in his book in ’2002′ ‘In my writings on the criminal personality, I’ve described in detail the thinking and behavior patterns of individuals who pursue any means to an end. They rarely put themselves in the place of others, are untruthful and unrelenting in their efforts to control other people, harbor unrealistic expectations, and frequently fail to consider what will be beneficial or harmful to others. Ferreting out and preying upon vulnerability, they leave a trail of emotional, financial, and physical destruction. When held accountable, these victimizers claim that they are not at fault and blame others.’

    He refers to this personality as the ‘Controller’: ‘During the separation and divorce proceedings, the controller is determined to maintain the upper hand. Now the problem solver is the enemy! The controller is a formidable adversary as he or she enters the legal arena to fight for child custody. Whereas the problem-solving spouse wants to resolve differences, the controller is intent on revenge and winning. The spouse desperately wants to reach a settlement and move on with life, but the controller’s notion of a settlement is for the problem solve to agree or his or her conditions. If he or she doesn’t capitulate, the controller will react angrily and become intent on destroying the spouse, even threatening financial ruin or tarnishing of reputation. Of Course, the most dire threat is to take away what the spouse values most– the child. Whether or not these intentions are verbalized, the controller’s spouse knows what he or she is capable of. The Problem solver is also well aware of the controller’s success at charming others and convincing them of the correctness of his or her position. I have had men and women warn me about this as I began a custody evaluation. They worry that I won’t be able to penetrate their spouse’s persuasive front. Even more, they fear that a Judge might be taken in.’

    ‘…The controller reacts by angrily faulting the other spouse for creating the upheaval. If the problem solver fails to back down, the controller comes more irascible and domineering.’
    ‘In truth, the controller is an abuser. When family members get out of line, he or she becomes harsh and punitive. In extreme cases spouse and offspring know that at any time they may be berated, threatened, or even physically attacked. I have seen a controller psychologically grind down his spouse so severely that she had to seek medical treatment and was placed on tranquilizers or antidepressants.’

    This is exactly what is happening in my case. He recognized who the controller and the problem solver were in my relationship and made me look like the abuser in his evaluation. He also failed to contact my psychiatrist about the reason why I was being treated for depression. He failed to contact 5 witnesses I gave him specifically to confirm my professional reputation and the ‘bullying’ reputation of my ex-wife’s wealthy and abusive father.

    A Forensic Psychologist actually turned a blind eye to huge red flags and signs of psychopathy and then made the abuser look like the victim and the victim like the abuser.

  187. Madmacks Says:

    All,

    I know Larry is against it, but I am not sure how many of you have or want to expose your psychopath and the people that ignored you when you asked for help, but there is a woman who is doing just that after her 15 month old son mysteriously died tragically while he was on one of his first court ordered unsupervised visits with his father, the psychopath.

    If you have not yet seen her site, I encourage all of you to go to cappucinoqueen.com and share your stories and give her your support.

    Her name is Hera Mcleod and she is incredibly courageous and eloquent. She was blogging anonymously about her experience with her ex who she was convinced was a psychopath and tried to get the Court to help. The Court did nothing to help her or manage the case. When her son died in the care of her ex, she decided to come out of hiding and expose her psychopath and the Judge that did nothing.

    I think it is important to speak out about psychopaths and their abuse if you can do it safely. The only way the Courts are going to do something about Psychopathy is if the victims continue to speak out.

    If you have or want to expose the truth about your psychopath, I encourage you to expose them on her website and show her your support.

  188. Larry Says:

    Madmacks,

    You are correct that I’m against it, not on a personal level, but over legal issues. If anyone listed someone’s name on any site, and labelled them a psychopath, they will likely face an expensive lawsuit.

    Publishing information like that is called “libel” and talking about it is “slander”. It’s more difficult to prove slander, but libel is a cinch since all someone needs to do it copy the web page where the libel occurred. The suit could target the publisher of the libel, as well as the one who wrote it. I believe it to be completely foolish to risk that, and for what? The victim will be a victim again, but from the eyes of superior court.

    Only a trained clinician can administer the tests to determine if someone is truly a sociopath, and even then it is still considered private medical information.

    And if your sociopath finds it, the victimization begins all over. What do you have to gain from doing such a thing, except expensive legal problems.

    Think about it before you take the risk. For me, I’m the publisher of this site, and I don’t need any more problems.

  189. Madmacks Says:

    Larry,

    I am certainly not a lawyer, but I thought the the truth is a defense for libel or slander. Doesn’t the accuser have to prove the accusation false? Libel is by definition false. Anything that is provably true cannot be libelous.

    Therefore, if I accuse someone of being a psychopath, the only way for them to prove it true or false is to get PCL-R or psychologist to give them an evaluation. A psychopath would never get one.

    If your psychopath already targeted you, I don’t see how exposing them can make it any worse. In Hera’s case, I don’t think she feels it can get any worse.

    Personally, I just don’t like remaining silent about abuse and bullying.

  190. Larry Says:

    Madmacks,

    I totally understand your frustration in these people getting away with their evil, but how you want to get revenge will only cause more trouble for you.

    I’m not an attorney either, but I can play one very well. It’s not against the law to be a sociopath. How would you get into court in the first place? It’s the responsibility of the accuser to prove their allegations. And you can’t. The judge will not do it for you.

    So, if they sue you for libel, they prove the libel, and you just lose. Just because your defense is they are one, you still need your proof and it is a medical disorder that is not punishable by law. And you can’t do that. It’s not against the law.

    Even if you prove that they broke the law, they may get sentenced for what they did, but you are still guilty of libel. And labeling someone is a sociopath would be considered one of great emotional harm, and it would probably cost you plenty.

  191. Jordan Says:

    I find these stories facinating. But I also feel the compulsion to ask what possible purpose could revenge serve for a sociopath. It would be a waste of time. It would be a waste of resources. It would also make people think that there are only ‘ Evil’ sociopaths who exist only to cause havok. It is likely possible, probable even that there is a far greater number of Sociopath who only wish to live there lives peacefully with the stigma given to us by the ignorant, or by those who had the misfourtune of meeting a less that stellar human being.

  192. Larry Says:

    @Jordan,

    I must admit that I agree with you fully: it serves no purpose to attempt revenge on a psychopath that has done terrible things to their victim. It will only make things worse.

    May you are unaware, but there are truly terribly evil psychopaths living among us. Psychopathy comes in many degrees, from mass murderers to someone who lives a “normal” life next door. They probably aren’t even aware what causes them to be like they are.

  193. sharon Says:

    sociopaths go for revenge because they enjoy it destruction – it is puzzling

    Gurdjieff has another word for psychopaths, it was the Hasnamuss which I’ve read in Persian translates to s-h-i-t soul .

    (1) Every kind of depravity, conscious as well as unconscious
    (2) The feeling of self-satisfaction from leading others astray
    (3) The irresistible inclination to destroy the existence of other breathing creatures
    (4) The urge to become free from the necessity of actualizing the being-efforts demanded by Nature
    (5) The attempt by every kind of artificiality to conceal from others what in their opinion are oneas physical defects
    (6) The calm self-contentment in the use of what is not personally deserved
    (7) The striving to be not what one is.

  194. Rain Says:

    5 years living with one and 2 years of harassment by lawsuit based on lies. You can beat them at their own game. I pushed him away to the point he got a girlfriend on the side. This distraction gave me time to find a house and move without him being mad. His thinking was he would look good with a younger new girlfriend. So my kids got me out when he was gone.

    Do not stay in the same village with a sociopath. Move away, when he found out I was not sitting around crying by myself and started dating it was on. Long story short I slept with a 20 gage for 5 months. At the advice of my boyfriend and others I got out. I quit a good job, moved 120 miles away, started a new life and got married.

    Why is he still pursuing a false lawsuit? Because I have no money to defend myself. As long as I look weak, hopeless and cry in court he thinks he is winning. I opened my fb account so he could see my home, my friends, farm and how happy I am. He has had 4 attorneys and spent more for attorneys than he is suing me for. Everytime we purchase something I post it on fb. Everything is in my husbands name. He wants me to hurt and it will end with me filing bankruptcy and him left with close to $6000 in attorney fees if not more. Continuances and making him look for my assets has extendedhim now for over a year with court filings.

    Bankruptcy, losing my job, moving!!! Did I lose? Not to me…..I am happily married, have a ton of friends and my family is allowed to come to my home without his permission.

    By the way, his girlfriend left him after 8 months for a younger guy. I dont want revenge I want to teach him a lesson. When I left my last words I ever spoke, were “you will never be able to replace me.” I had to become him to beat him!

  195. Larry Says:

    Hi Rain,

    It sounds as if you did good, as you are happy now and living a new life. In response to your last sentence, you didn’t really become like him, you just spoke like him. Good for you!

  196. Susan Says:

    I have never known such evil in all of my life. I still get angry from time-to-time, have thoughts of revenge. How can someone who is technically a stranger do that to me? They are thoughts that still go through my head. It is insane and I can’t make sense of it. I wonder if the ‘drive-by’ incident with the shouting woman was actually a threat of sorts, as if to say, ‘I might do something worse next time and it won’t be someone using their voice from a car.’

    I often wonder to this day. This psycho has many followers now.

    As I said to you before Larry, I still intend to move away, but I can’t yet. It is still my long-term goal. But I must go quietly, make sure nobody knows where I have gone.

  197. Larry Says:

    Evil is so vast, and takes on so many forms, it is impossible to define it in simple words.

    You’re correct, your best get-away is to get away. I hope that comes sooner than later so you can begin to put this behind you. It’s not a fast process, though it will happen.

  198. progprof Says:

    Wow! I’m so glad I stumble upon this site.

    Much of what I’m writing here is paired with things I learned before and after the breakup, and comparing notes with his previous victim.

    My ex of 8 weeks fits the profile to a T. He not only lied to me, but to his family, friends, etc. He even tried to play his previous ex and I against each other by misrepresenting us to each other. Let me explain.

    When we met, he was extremely charming and represented himself as such a prince in shining armor- oh how much he loved me. lol. He finally confessed after a few weeks that he had a partner already. I kicked him out. He came back a month later, claiming his ex had left the country. Begging me to take him as my boyfriend… Of course, this wasn’t true, he just left one source for another.

    He told his ex I didn’t care that they were together at the time, and that I just laughed at the ex’s suffering. Meanwhile, he portrayed his ex as a crazy drama queen to me. It turns out he tried to blackmail his ex twice, for money. Making shit up about being raped. He even called immigration on him (the ex was teaching in a foreign country on a student visa), and the ex had to pay about a $1000 fine.

    It was always talk about how much he loved me, how he had found the one, how we would get married… I resisted as best I could, because I felt something was wrong. After all, we had been together such a short time. He kept asking to move in with me, and I always said no. Finally, he got kicked out by his parents (he’s Korean and 23- they all live with their parents), and I felt compelled to take him in. I still don’t know if this was true- I’ve never met his family or friends.

    The first week together was great- he helped me with the housework, took care of my dogs, etc. But slowly, things started to unwind. He started looking for sex outside the relationship- at gay bathhouses, online, etc. Wherever he could find it. Somehow, he always made it about me- like it was my fault. The more degrading the sex, the better.

    During our 1.5 years together, he had 3 STDs and gave me one. He claimed he was raped by two guys in a hotel, but I think that was a lie to protect him from being kicked out at that time (I was preparing for it). He represented his ex as being crazy and stalkerish- but found out later he had maintained contact with him himself through facebook (and he told me he wasn’t on facebook). He stole stuff from shops and bragged about it. He even stole “gifts” for me for important holidays. He continued to torture his ex through text messages.

    He stopped making any effort in terms of housework, and spent most nights out with “friends.” He started to disappear for whole nights later in the relationship. I picked up the slack, and ended up doing everything for him- cooking, running a bath for him, cleaning, etc. I sat with him in clinics for STD treatments, and paid for them. I got out of bed to pick him up off of a sidewalk where he had passed out- but had called me just before. I was always rescuing him from self-induced crises, and he never thanked me.

    He continued to cheat, and to still blame me somehow. Like I was boring him- I’m a professor, photographer, writer, world traveler, great chef, etc.

    Eventually, I started to stand up. I was really run down by then- I had stopped exercising, pursuing my interests, was seriously ill physically, depressed, etc. But I still somehow found the strength to push back.

    The next day he left. Very simply left- while I was taking a bath, sick and facing surgery, and on Valentine’s Day. A week later he was with a new source.

    He has since tried to taunt me- to get me to respond to a few messages. I caved once, and will never do it again. He used it as an opportunity to try to hurt me again.

    And yet, there’s still a part of me that wonders if he’s really a sociopath. Is he?

  199. Larry Says:

    progprof,

    It’s somewhat impossible to know for sure, but he does sounds as if he has the traits, or the traits of a narcissist.

    To help you resolve it for yourself, go to:
    http://country-of-liars.com/about/traits/

    … and read down the traits and see if you can see them in him. If you can clearly see a resemblance, my suggestion is to eliminate him from your life. He will play and use you if you let him.

    They always start of as charming, and slowly regress. He will try to blame things on you and make you feel guilty. You do not need that. Take the test for him and see how many you can match. You definitely do not need to match all to him, since he may be hiding some from you.

    Come back here and let us know his “score.”

  200. progprof Says:

    He would score 19 out of 20. Maybe 20 out of 20. I’m not sure about revocation of condition of release- he has a record for stealing a wallet when he was 19, and continues to steal from shops. So, I guess that fits.

    His behavior was so incredibly charming at times, and so shocking and outrageous at others. That’s where I get confused- trying to reconcile those opposites.

    I’ve blocked him on my phone, IM, email, etc. I’m thinking of moving apartments, because I’m worried he’ll show up some night when the new source has been used up. He tried that with his previous ex, just before he left me.

    Three days ago, he messaged me to compliment me on my new photographs- I didn’t respond that day. The next day, I responded by telling him I knew he was cheating, that I didn’t deserve that, and that I don’t want him in my life. It was so weird- he was trying to be cool and kind, and trying to convince me to delete some nude photos I had taken of him for a project. Then suddenly said he didn’t have any feelings for me anymore. I blocked him after that, and haven’t heard from him since.

    Why is it so hard to accept that he’s a sociopath? All the signs are there.

  201. Larry Says:

    19, bingo. We have a sociopath. It doesn’t take near that many to be one.

    It is so hard to accept since they make it their lives to manipulate others for their own narcissistic needs. My ex of 13 years is a sociopath (also diagnosed as a borderline schizophrenic, dangerously vengeful, psychotic, and other frightening disorders). Yet I took her back after two affairs, just pouring on the tears, while she was destroying my character.

    They are highly skilled manipulators. They know what to do and what to say to remain in control. I called my ex a master manipulator, because after thinking back, I was played the sucker, and she knew me well enough to do it.

    You are doing the right things.

  202. progprof Says:

    Yes, you’re right about the manipulation. He kept me so off-balance and isolated with the dissonance between his words and actions, that I started to doubt myself, and my own discomfort over being with him. When I did try to break up with him, he’d squeeze out those tears and even beg to take him back. He’d be good for a week or a few days, then right back at it again.

    I think one of the more damaging effects he had on me (besides my physical health), was that self doubt. It still lingers, and I doubt the FACT that he’s a sociopath, even though it’s pretty much confirmed by everything I’ve read, and everyone I’ve spoken to.

    As well, just knowing that he never loved me is a little hurtful- it was just an act. That’s hard to accept- that the “amazing” person you fell so in love with was not real- just a persona. And when I started to wake up to it, he ran. He realized his source had run out, and that I was starting to recognize him for what he is.

    His previous ex has the consolation of knowing that this is his pattern. I think knowing he’s repeating the pattern with someone else somehow gives us closure, because then we know it isn’t us- it’s HIM. I feel bad for the next guy- he has no idea what he’s in for.

  203. DaybyDay Says:

    Larry,

    Thank you for sharing your experience and insights.

    My divorce to my narcissistic sociopath was just finalized. It took me an immense amount of strength to escape him. I took my young children and left the home. This escalated his already abusive behavior. I realized during the divorce process he had been turning my parents and brother (all sociopaths themselves….my role was always scapegoat) against me for several years.

    Needless to say he got my brother and mother to testify against me in court saying I was emotionally unstable. I lost custody of my two young children who now have day and night nannies taking care of them. I have always been their primary care taker and they are bonded to me. I have standard visitation which is not much. My children are sad and confused as am I. My ex is a successful well known “pillar” in the community and no one would suspect him to be who he really is behind closed doors.

    I am worn out, completely. He perjured himself in court many times yet the judge did not care. We proved infidelity yet the judge did not care etc. We had a custody eval and his testing showed deception and he is at risk for child abuse. The judge did not care. I have not done anything other just want out of the relationship with him and to keep myself and children safe. I have the right to appeal the judges decision, however, my faith in our justice system is gone and I am almost broke.

    My ex is already trying to control my visitation and is telling people in our community I am crazy and that is why he has the children. Is it best to try and get away from him at this point or stay and fight in court?

  204. Larry Says:

    >”Is it best to try and get away from him at this point or stay and fight in court?”

    Of course, I can only offer an opinion since I am not a professional.

    I’ve never been involved with an appeal, so I can’t speak to that directly. But what I would say is if you have compelling evidence and the best attorney (and the financial resources), then it may be worth a try. But the evidence must be overwhelming, as in recorded conversations with your ex, your mother and brother.

    You would need to have a running recorder on you at all times while with any of the three. A good recorder I recently purchased is the Sony ICDUX523BLK Digital Flash Voice Recorder.

    I’m so sorry to hear that you were doomed in court. Another try may work, but it’s that crucial evidence that you would need to proceed. In some states you can record a phone call if only one of the people in the discussion is aware of the recording (which would be you). Google it for your state to check local laws.

    Good luck.

  205. DaybyDay Says:

    I really do not have the resources or evidence to go back to court and I have had to go no contact with my dad mom and brother. It is so apparent my ex is using our kids to try and hurt and destroy me. In your opinion if I moved away would this help my children in the long run because he would not be able to control me as much and possibly they would not be used as pawns then…? Thank you for your responses and wisdom.

  206. Larry Says:

    DaybyDay.

    I’m so sorry but you are probably correct: to get as far away as possible so as to concentrate on you, your health, and well-being.

    No member of my extended family will have anything to do with me. I haven’t heard from my daughters in over seven years. I guess it helps to hold out a little hope that one day as your kids start piecing things together, they will look for you.

    But with that bit of hope I have, I did need to let them go for my own sanity. The justice in this country is terrible. Keep in mind that narcissists and sociopaths crave power and followers. A judge craves power and followers. Get on with a new life with your new knowledge. Trust is a big one to overcome. Seek professional therapy and a psychiatrist can help with meds.

    It will definitely help you to move on, with the right talk therapist. I’ve gone through all these things myself.

    I have little faith in our system … it’s totally broken.

    I wish you the best.

  207. KennySee Says:

    The ability for these people to gain popularity seems similar to the school bully who when confronted by negative deeds gathers a group in which to feel safe. Most websites say that sociopaths or bullies always end up turning on friends. Eventually is there anyone left to take the sociopath’s side?

  208. Larry Says:

    KennySee,

    Your comment is a bit confusing to me. Bullies are not very similar to sociopaths. The bully wants to be feared, the sociopath wants to be admired.

    A sociopath often has many people on their side, which we call disciples. They are very shallow, gullible people.

    With bullies, like in middle school, kids fall into three categories. The bully. The victim. And the bystanders. The bystanders have all the control, depending on whether they are brave and confident in themselves, or whether they fear the bully, afraid that they, too, could become a victim.

    Most bystanders join the bully to avoid being bullied, and will begin to bully even a once close friend. It’s psychologically devastating to the one or group being bullied. It can lead to teen suicide.

  209. Turn-It-Around Says:

    Hi Rain,

    You should contribute more to this site.

    Tho’ Larry has good intentions… He is perpetuating helplessness and victim mentality. By insisting and promoting to not stand up against the S-Path… He is helping S-paths to succeed and move on to yet another victim.

    At some point, Larry and others on this site need to help and shed light to stand against WRONG. Like standing up to school yard Bully. By standers watching and doing nothing actually helps BULLY’S behavior.

    Larry, Take the help to the next level. Sure, standing up to bully is not WISE in every situation but, at least stand up in and help victims stand up.

    Otherwise, INDIRECTLY you are promoting the society of VICTIMS and SOCIO PATHS because no one is standing up to them.

    Time to grow some BALLS and importantly direct them where they need to. Promote STAND TALL & ERECT…and growing some back bones.

  210. Larry Says:

    Turn-It-Around

    You don’t share any of your own experiences or victories, so it’s even difficult to imagine that you’ve been a victim of a truly evil psychopath.

    What is to gain by going head-to-head with a psychopath? They have the upper hand as they have no empathy, no guilt, no remorse and will exercise their evil even under oath.

    Why should someone who has been beaten down, lost their family and/or friends, extend more of their innocent life so as to fight evil, unless they themselves take on a roll of evilness, too. Victims are generally honest, humble, and good people just wanting to live without torment and experience true love.

    Obviously it’s not everyone’s opinion, but mine is to move on with your life and let that psychopath go on their evil ways elsewhere. I realized early on that the more I fought, the less I won. A true psychopath believes they have nothing to lose, and most of the time that’s the case.

    There are thousands of sites on the web that deal with psychopathy, and they are mostly opinion-based. This site shares my story and ultimate opinions. No one is forced to believe in my opinions.

    What takes balls is to walk away from those whom you once loved, alone, and begin a fresh life elsewhere. Moving on, leading a happy life, and not being taken in by the psychopath’s power is being successful at exactly what the psychopath wanted to prevent.

    I could go on, but that’s it in a nutshell. If you are truly a victim, you can do anything you want, including taking on your psychopath, especially if you like to have a good, dragged-out fight. It’s your life, but what are *you* to gain?

  211. Jon Says:

    I have to agree with Larry, turn-it-around probably has not been the target of a sociopath, in my opinion. and that is a good thing, turn, I hope you never experience that.

    the spaths do not “fight fair” if I may use that analogy. just like an average size person getting in the ring and taking on a heavyweight world champion … it just cant be done. the best option is to get the heck out of the ring, not stand up tall and take relentless punching.

    the spath has no boundaries. a spath will get drunk and beat themselves up, call the cops and say you did it. a spath will drain your bank account, steal your car, steal everything of value in your home, sure they may get caught, so what, they go to jail for 2 weeks, the court system lets them out on some type of unsupervised probation, and they’re off and running. hey, its no big deal, nobody got killed.

    a spath will kill your favorite pet, a spath will lie and tell everyone at your church that you did this or that.

    you cant even argue or discuss anything with a spath, their answers to everything is “it doesnt matter”, “nobody cares” and “so what”

    you can beat a spath, but you have to do it strategically. you have to play dumb, act like you don’t know everything and let them get board, restless and move on. once they move on, change the locks, dont take their calls or emails and start your life from there.

  212. Madmacks Says:

    This is the fundamental issue with Psychopathy: What do you do about it?

    I was the victim of a family of psychopaths. They refused to discuss, negotiate or settle any of the 54 hearings in my divorce/custody issue. The have spent easily over $1 Million in legal fees, just to deny access to my children and to destroy my credibility.

    When I pointed out to the Judge that the Court was ignoring clear evidence of Parental Alienation and that the PA fit a lifelong pattern of behavior of conflict, manipulation, and lying, the Court chose to bully me into silence and submission by taking away all my rights to my children.

    I am faced with the decision to abandon my children altogether or stand up and fight for my rights. If I choose to walk away now, my children will be brainwashed against me, just as happened to Larry. If I stand up and fight for my rights, I will be fighting against a family of psychopaths and a Court system that has willfully chosen to ignore the issue.

    These are the very issues that keep me awake at night.

    DaybyDay….Please get in touch with me through Larry. You and I are in the exact same position and if you wish to fight, I will fight with you. I am not afraid to say that I am being targeted by a psychopath, who is abusing the legal system to alienate me from my children, and the Court is doing NOTHING about it. Our voices will be much louder together.

    Madmacks

  213. Tiana Realnamesaredangerous Says:

    I am the unwilling target. I am so stuck. Who knows if I will ever get out? The caged animal in me is lashing and begging to be freed. Unfortunately I chose to go back. Three times. Why? Because I was stuck in this vicious cycle. He has manipulated and deceived me for so long. Last year I tried to get out. I took out a loan. There was no housing available for me and my three kids. I have little credit because I was not allowed to have any access to money while with him. I rarely leave the house and I am fully monitored. I abandoned all of my friends and family for him. The description of a target was a portrait of myself. I don’t have a lot of hope, but what I do have is a thread I will not let go of until I can find a way out. When I do get out, I am going to run as far away as I can, and plead with the Lord above to help me remember. Not to forget…

  214. LAM Says:

    I was not in love with this life draining putrid bag of vomit. I was one of the luckier ones. I NEVER LOVED HIM. I was drugged. Drugged so much I had a “nervous break down.” Rather convenient way to begin the victimizing. Kudos to the fucking animal. I thought I was dying. Awake for five days, underwater like flashbacks of s and m gear. Porno. My God. I’m haunted by the flashbacks. and don’t fucking tell me to get professional help. I have. I will continue. I don’t even think anyone believes me. Its to far out.
    Im a strong woman. Strong minded. I didn’t like this man. And suddenly Im like a puppet. Needed a psychiatrist after he drugged me so I could shut the screaming in my head off (yep…sounds totally far out huh?) told the shrink this guy tried to kill me. Shrink put me on Wellbutrin, Ativan, Valium to sleep and one other sedative that knocked me on butt…oh yes Neurontin. I was wasted. Shrink must have been a SP to and decided to help a brother out and fuck me up even worse so he could have full access to my drugged ass. I went to a rape clinic vagina was pulp. Who did it? I couldn’t remember.
    So he had the puppet strings. I couldn’t work. He paid my bills. I couldn’t eat . He fed me. And then my fight started to show. He would beat the shit out of me emotionally every few days. I was drained. Next thing you know, I was hit almost head on, off to the side, hit and run. My air bag didn’t deploy. This puke works in the car industry. Go figure. He is a liar. And he I such a scum bag I would not be surprised if he hired one of his puke pals to take me out. I was in bad shape. A lot of pain, seven vertebra herniated. I couldn’t work. He paid my bills. I couldn’t…
    Get the picture? The emotional beatings were endless.
    Then I start to get better. I woke up a bit. Came off of a mound of pain meds on my own to find some ridiculously large engagement ring (gouache really) and a man I LOATHED. Another car accident. His fault. Deliberate. I was there. Don’t believe me do you? Go figure. This animal creates dramas so unbelievable I question my own sanity.
    Now Ive learned. Pretend. Pretend not to feel well. Pretend to be on pain meds. Pretend. I’m hatching an escape plan. A few people have caught him in action. They know. But he is such a good liar I am terrified he will turn the tables on me. Its hard to find a place to live he keeps tabs on my every move and even follows me sometimes. He knows my industry and my level of proficiency. How do I change industries? Entry level? I’m fucking nine years old. Start over?
    I did a background check. Grand larceny. Three counts of criminal traffic. five liens. two bankruptcies. 12 women. one domestic violence. I listened to his filthy and stories. as far as I can tell I am guessing he did this to two other women. Im exhausted. He texts me morning noon and night. He is insecure and could care less about my need to heal or rest or having even a day without having to see him. God forgive me I hate this man with every cell of my being.
    Ironically I have a brain injury. My doctor told me that I am under such intense stress that I can’t do my neuro rehab…even though I still try. I have a 22 year old beauty of a daughter. Last week when he faked an illness so I would have to stay up all night with him (he knows I cant be without sleep) I went into his closet to get clothes for him (the paramedics came and told ME that his vitals were better that their own and for a person in such “grave” pain, his heart rate was pretty normal.) I found porn. Of teen aged girls. The thought of giving this putrid excuse for a human being a reason to go to the hospital crossed my mind. But ive never hurt anyone in my life and ill be damned if I will sink to his level.
    So. I’m unbelievably angry. I have to lie to him to be safe. I have to pretend and hide red flags. I have to act fast. I’m so exhausted. I have been off of all pain meds and sedatives for five weeks and he does not know. He treats me like I am four years old and calls me “the baby” and he is “the daddy” I could vomit and never stop. I hate him. Advise. Please. He isn’t your run of the mill SP. I did some research. this man will kill me. He has as good as told me. he is 59, negative, laughs at the misfortune of others, is obsessed with young African American girls. I know why. The porno flashback…involed such a girl. It was horrifying and locked in my memory forever. I want to run up to the girls and cover them with my body so he cant look at them. But I cant let him know how much I remember. I don’t know. The cops will end up believing him. I’ve seen him lie hundreds of times. I don’t know why but people believe him. Advise. Im afraid I’m not going to get out of this alive. Or worse. He will hurt my daughter. He is increasingly yelling at me because he is jealous. When it comes to my daughter I cannot hold back. I lash out at him so hard he almost falls over. I once grabbed his arm and thought if he so much as harms a hair on her head I will beat him to death. I would have nothing left to lose. But now I am in fear of my reactions. What if I have caused that pukes anger to rise and he does hurt her? Fuck. I can only move so fucking fast. I’m sorry I am all over the place…please someone. Im reaching out for grounding. To pull my head together. To gain momentum when I feel beaten to death.

  215. Luis Mary Says:

    After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called EZE MALAKA and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email:extremewhitelovespell@yahoo.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.

  216. Arial Says:

    Lam:

    Get out and go to a shelter. Contact law enforcement form there. He will not come “kill” you at a shelter and he wont know where you are. Leave for a shelter after one of your doctor or therapy meetings. Work a way to have someone pick you up when he is not home. Call law enforcement when you are in a safe place and get a restraining order. Work your way to move out of town if you have to. I had to. Now I am actually about 15 miles from him but he has long forgotten me and moved on to another.

  217. Madmacks Says:

    Lam,

    I beleive you. What can I do to help you?

    I will gladlly speak out on your behalf. Everyone has turned a blind eye to my abuse and the abusers. Someone must call it abuse. If you need someone to speak out for you and get help, please let me know.

    Madmacks

  218. Geffrey Says:

    My name is Geffrey. i want to say thanks to Prophet Galala from what he has done for me. you are a man of your word me and my lover are happy together again.

  219. Leslie Says:

    Larry…I hope to God you are reading this soon after I send it.

    I have been involved in a “relationship” with a sociopath for over a year. Its been a living hell. He drugged me and damn near killed me…but the wreckage afterward everyone thought I was nuts. I have circumstantial evidence of this. I had to see a doctor because when he drugged me I lost five days…I have memory flashes.

    Let’s just put it mildly and say I was sexually assaulted and the report states that the condition of my vaginal area looked pretty bad. After I escaped his apartment I somehow made it home. Long story short, a doctor put me on sedatives…a lot. Guess who walks in and takes over?

    Then as soon as I start to shake it off a couple of months later, I was hit head on in my car…hit and run. Seven vertebra messed up and a severe concussion. I just started to shake that off and the sociopath deliberately stopped on the highway (in California) and we were hit. I was reinjured. I knew I had to get away. I didn’t know how. I was living in terror.

    Then two weeks ago I cracked. I walked away and told him I was done. He has since decimated my character. Told credit card companies I made unauthorized charges for bills of mine he paid. Part of his trap was stepping in and taking over finances. (For the sake of clarity let me state that I was on sedatives and then after the accidents Vicadin and Percocet. I was fried. )

    He told everyone I was having an affair and he was my sugar daddy and that’s why I left. Claims to have proof with pics of a person who he alleges is using my name and my social. I know that’s a lie, for obvious reasons…I didn’t do it first of all, second, I have a credit monitoring service who would notify me if something were to show up on my SSN, third I actually surrendered my license to the state when I left and moved to Cali so no one could steal my identity (I have a letter from the state confirming this).

    Finally, I have two daughters. One is estranged and I have been doing what I could to salvage a relationship with her. She just had a baby. He contacted her. I cant imagine what he said. She won’t take my calls. I have a temporary restraining order on him. He has sent at least 150 emails in two weeks. (He was served a week ago.) Starting with rage and accusations, Segue into “I’m such a nice guy I love you even though you had a affair” to “I love you and cant live without you.”

    The emails are a violation of the court order as are the false allegations. I verified this with a detective. My other daughter lives with me…she is my life. And it terrifies me that he knows this. I must get the order…at least to have it on file should something happen to me, and to have documentation as I move forward with my life and he will surely lie and sabotage.

    The order will at least show a psycho is after me. I need to file a harassing email report…this will get him in criminal court. I’m so effing sick of this. My stomach is eating itself. But I’m terrified. Its almost like the only way out of this hell is to jump off a bridge. Not gonna happen. I don’t know what to ask. Your saying don’t do it. I’m saying I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Help.

  220. Careds Says:

    I contacted Lord Azeez regarding Return My Lover Love Spell last month. Evan and I were having some problems for quite a while. We were definitely on the verge of breaking up. We have been going back and fourth for several months. We would separate and get back together. It was getting very tiring. I knew the end was coming soon.

    I loved him very much. We had spent 5 years together and I didn’t want to throw it all away. I wanted to have him returned to me and have our relationship back to how it used to be in the beginning. I wanted all of our feelings of love to be restored. Well, I thought about it and was very skeptical at first. I actually felt kind of silly having a spell cast on my behalf to get my lover to come back to me! I was researching love spells online and I came across lord azeez spell casting service.

    I read many other blog comments of people you helped and I found your service to be right for me and my situation. I decided why not. He have a money back guarantee and I have nothing to loose if it didn’t work. But if it did, I would have everything to gain! I wanted my true love back and I wanted us to be heading in the right direction once again. I submitted my info once I ordered the spell and in 24 hours my spell was cast! I felt kind of light headed after I received a notice from you that the work was completed.

    That night I was having the most off the wall dreams =) They were of Evan and I and I just had this overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be OK with us! I was very excited about this! The next morning I woke up and went about my day. I was sitting at my desk when the mail room delivery person came up to me with a huge bouquet of flowers… from Evan! Along with the flowers was a card, an apology for the way he had been acting for the past several months! I couldn’t believe my eyes!

    We ended up getting together that night at his apartment and had a very long talk. He apologized for his behavior and told me he loved me very much and that nothing would be coming between us ever again! I was just totally blown away by this! Well here it is, a month later and we are doing better than ever! Better than how we started out. I’m very excited to share this news with you out there who is passing through the same thing.

  221. Oblivatron Says:

    I think what is so damaging and scary is that not only is manipulation a key factor but they know what a sociopath is. Have you guys ever asked a sociopath that question?? It’s scary.

    I was a psych major in college. Thing is. I couldn’t remember what a sociopath was! I had to look it up. BUT HE KNEW. And it wasn’t from watching a movie or hearing about it in an article or on the news. No. MKT knew EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING about them.

    Then. After I called him that. He actually changed his manipulation. All of a sudden he would say I care. KNOWING full well it’s a lie. But he now knows you know some of the key elements of what a sociopath is.

    Why do I know this? Because when MKT got either full of rage, upset or flustered. He cracked. He stop lying for an instant. And he’ll tell me how he REALLY feels. And the wording and how he says it…is what will scare you Because they RARELY show that side.

    But it’s short lived. If you bring up what they once said. It’s you’re lying. Or a barrage of put downs. Major deflection.

  222. Larry Says:

    Oblivatron,

    I couldn’t be sure that all sociopaths know that they are one. One thing they think is that they are superior beings, as they know their power to manipulate people.

    I sent my brother an email once and without saying “sociopath” I listed all the traits and gave him examples of his actions from each. He did not reply, and I could never figure out why he didn’t reply. I would think that one who believes they are not would defend themselves. I guess he had nothing to defend. But after that, he went full-bore destroying my character.

    After some 23 years of researching, I can recognize traits in people I don’t know in a matter of minutes. Are they sociopaths? I wouldn’t be able to tell, but whoever they are, they won’t be gaining my friendship. Manipulation is so perverted in both a sexual and non-sexual sort of way. Besides all my siblings with easy to recognize traits, my ex-wife of 13 years was diagnosed, with a handful of other disorders.

    I do not speak to my siblings, so I will never ask them. But with all my experience, I really don’t need to.

  223. monicajane Says:

    I am so glad I found this site! for 30 years I have known (although not all the time in contact with) a sociopath woman (as a friend). She has a business and I went and helped her – and then I began getting VERY confused…. first I was a “god send”, wonderful, great for the business etc., etc., the best friend she had ever had… then the manipulation and abuse began, she accused me of many mistakes I never made, turned co-workers against me and even resulted to physical violence after a few drinks.

    There is no doubt she was a master manipulator, after research I have discovered she has manipulated and used everyone who ever worked for her and is “friends” only with people whom can be of use to her.

    I am so lucky that my inner instinct never allowed me to rise to her aggression, she has no idea I know what she is and what she is doing and even when I left I made sure it was on apparently “friendly” terms – I have seen the devistation and abuse she has heaped on those who have dared “abandon” her before.

    I could easily “take revenge”, but I will not, because I have seen enough warnings not to do so. I am SO ELATED I escaped (although I am having medical treatment for depression etc., – at least now I know what caused it and it makes it easier to work with).

    She tried to make me totally dependant upon her for work and housing, but I resisted and always kept my “bolt hole” – and I am so glad I did!

    I do feel stupid for not recognising the signs sooner, but I think a lot of people are in that position – it is not always obvious, and you doubt yourself a lot, even though, in your heart you know it is not you.

    This woman has now moved on to her next “target” (thank the lord) and me, I am slowly and DIPLOMATICALLY cutting the ties – before I leave the country!

    Thank you so much for helping me in my confused isolation – and the total, utter relief and elation I feel at now knowing exactly what was going on – now I can begin to heal.

    I have noticed many of these posts are related to personal relationship (i.e. marriage/boy or girlfried etc.), but my experience as with a person who just pretended to be my friend and then used me to help her business – I guess pshycopaths come in many guises!

    I wish all the best to anyone, anywhere who has suffered as I have, but recognising it is the first step to recovery – jump in!

  224. Larry Says:

    Monica Jane

    She sounds like a very stereo-typical, ruthless, and manipulative sociopath, or psychopath. They use you until they imagine they can’t trust you anymore, or they get more followers that end up replacing you. That’s when it gets messy.

    You seemed to have a good handle the situation, very clearly, and defended yourself appropriately.

    I had a female boss who for for two years about15 years ago. At first, I though she was really cool, until she shared with me that she was sending a bunch confidential and classified work of mine that she was sending to a competitor. And without a second thought, I immediately saw what she was.

    If you like the detail of that story, visit the following link:
    http://country-of-liars.com/7398/my-boss-the-psychopath/

    Pure evil.

    All the bests to you.

  225. Madmacks Says:

    All,

    So, as I have mentioned, I have been involved with a severely psychopathic ex-father in law and a moderately psychopathic ex-wife, who have manipulated and fooled the Court in my divorce.

    Well after being put in jail 3 times and being denied a Guardian Ad Litem for my children 5 times, I have realized that my only recourse was to leave town, at the request of my ex-wife. She had her attorney tell my attorney that if I left town and gave up all efforts to see my children, they would leave me alone and not come after me for child support of $2,816 per month, which I have never been able to afford to pay. The month after I got a job in Dallas, Tx, my ex-wife contacted child support enforcement and had them come after me. So, now I was in another state and still could not afford to make the payments or even afford an attorney to help reduce my child support payments.

    I decided to email my ex-wife’s attorney to ask them to voluntarily reduce my child support I would have no other option but to speak out publicly about how the Fairfax County Circuit Court was ignoring parental alienation and covering up the fraud of the evaluator involved in our case.

    Shortly thereafter, I was arrested and extradicted back to Virginia and charged with attempted extortion, a felony. When I offered to plea to a misdemeanor, the Commonwealth’s attorney refused and insisted on trying me for a felony. The public defender in my case was astounded that I was even charged and even more astounded that they would not let me plea to a misdemeanor.

    My case went to trial this week and I was found not guilty of attempted extortion. I was just released yesterday.

    The Commonwealth of Virginia is well aware of the behavior and allegations of psychopathy of my ex-wife and her father and is now bullying me into silence and choosing to protect itself and my abuser, rather than protecting children.

    To say there is cover-up of psychopathy in my case is to put it mildly. My ex-wife played the victim and made all sorts of allegations about me early in the case and the Judge believed them all. After about 20 hearings, all of which I lost, I discovered psychopathy and pointed out to the Court the patterns of behavior. By that time, the Court had already ruled in favor of my ex-wife dozens of times. The Court knew that it was being manipulated and has refused to allow any third parties into the case, such as a Guardian Ad Litem or a psychological expert.

    When I threatened to expose the truth about the cover-up, the Commonwealth’s attorney came after me.

    As much as I believe in standing up to bullies and fighting against psychopathy, there is a ‘conspiracy of silence’ that exists among the legal and psychological professionals. They simply do not wish to open the pandora’s box of psychopathy. They just don’t get it. The judge that ruled on my attempted extortion case even asked if Psychopathy was even a word.

    Even though I was acquitted of attempted extortion, I still have no contact or visitation with my own children and have a child support payment of $2,816 per month, which is the amount someone making $489,000 a year should pay, if that gives you an idea of how badly the Courts were fooled in my case.

    I am not sure what the solution is, but I have to continue to fight and speak out, otherwise the abuse of me and my children will never end.

    For those of you who can get away, get away. That is truly the only way you will ever have peace. For those of you who have no choice but to fight, we must fight together. It can not be done alone.

  226. Larry Says:

    Madmacks,

    I’m so sorry for the ordeals you’ve been through. You are correct about the courts, they do plead insanity when to comes to psychopathy. I doubt if I will ever have any communication with my two daughters, though my son seems to see the deceptions and stays in contact with me. That only banished him like I’ve been.

    Your situation is so bad that I find it hard to understand, that so many people and the courts can sleep at night.

  227. Infectedpsy Says:

    The court system itself is to put it bluntley psychopathic. Courts are used to defend the system, not the people. Why is psycopathy so well hidden from the general public?

    How about the DSM-V? Another tool used to hide psycopathy? there are that many disorders, that most psychopaths exhibit, regardless of which disorder over laps with the other.

    Psychopaths that have been incorrectly labeled or diagnosed use the “Fake\incorrect” label to there advantage, commit a crime and court will just look at what they have been diagnosed with and low and behold the court will blame the label, not the crime.

  228. Madmacks Says:

    Larry,

    I think you do an amazing job of speaking truthfully and articulately about psychopathy.

    In many ways, your writing has inspired me to speak my own truth. I have started blogging about my own experiences with psychopathy and have tried to be as brutally honest as possible.

    I wrote a post today titled ‘The best way to deal with a Psychopath.’ Unfortunately, I have not been able to do the strategy that you recommend on your site. When I tried to get away, they came looking for me.

    I even added a poll to the end of the post. I would love to get your opinion on the subject and the feedback of your readers, as I think they may relate.

    It may be a trigger for some people, but If you feel comfortable, please take a look at: http://goodmendidnothing.wordpress.com/2013/11/23/best-way-to-deal-with-a-psychopath/.

    Madmacks.

  229. Larry Says:

    Madmacks,

    Thank you. At some level, that’s what this site is all about: empowering people.

  230. Madmacks Says:

    Larry,

    I have mentioned that I have been dealing with a wealthy and severe psychopath that is using the Court as a weapon to destroy me. The Court is willfully ignoring the patterns of ‘high-conflict’ behavior and parental alienation in order to avoid even discussing psychopathy in Court. The only problem is that it exists.

    I am now speaking out and naming names on my blog. [contact Larry to obtain the URL]

    I am way out on a limb on this psychopathy thing and need help and support. Please go to the blog and make a comment. Any comment. I want people to know that Psychopathy is being ignored as a source of conflict because it might embarrass the Judges who were fooled.

    Its a crazy story that needs to be told.

  231. Becca Says:

    I believe you madmacks!

  232. Blacksheep Says:

    Top 100 Traits & Behaviors of Personality-Disordered Individuals
    1.
    Abusive Cycle – This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.

    2.
    Alienation – The act of cutting off or interfering with an individual’s relationships with others.

    3.
    “Always” and “Never” Statements – “Always” and “Never” Statements are declarations containing the words “always” or “never”. They are commonly used but rarely true.

    4.
    Anger – People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.

    5.
    Avoidance – The practice of withdrawing from relationships with other people as a defensive measure to reduce the risk of rejection, accountability, criticism or exposure.

    6.
    Baiting – A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another individual.

    7.
    Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing – This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness.

    8.
    Blaming – The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.

    9.
    Bullying – Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.

    10.
    Catastrophizing – The habit of automatically assuming a “worst case scenario” and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events.

    11.
    Chaos Manufacture – Unnecessarily creating or maintaining an environment of risk, destruction, confusion or mess.

    12.
    Cheating – Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.

    13.
    Chronic Broken Promises – Repeatedly making and then breaking commitments and promises is a common trait among people who suffer from personality disorders.

    14.
    Circular Conversations – Arguments which go on almost endlessly, repeating the same patterns with no resolution.

    15.
    Confirmation Bias – The tendency to pay more attention to things which reinforce your beliefs than to things which contradict them.

    16.
    “Control-Me” Syndrome – This describes a tendency which some people have to foster relationships with people who have a controlling narcissistic, antisocial or “acting-out” nature.

    17.
    Cruelty to Animals – Acts of Cruelty to Animals have been statistically discovered to occur more often in people who suffer from personality disorders than in the general population.

    18.
    Denial – Believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.

    19.
    Dependency – An inappropriate and chronic reliance by an adult individual on another individual for their health, subsistence, decision making or personal and emotional well-being.

    20.
    Depression – When you feel sadder than you think you should, for longer than you think you should – but still can’t seem to break out of it – that’s depression. People who suffer from personality disorders are often also diagnosed with depression resulting from mistreatment at the hands of others, low self-worth and the results of their own poor choices.

    21.
    Dissociation- Dissociation is a psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality.

    22.
    Domestic Theft – Consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.

    23.
    Emotional Abuse – Any pattern of behavior directed at one individual by another which promotes in them a destructive sense of Fear, Obligation or Guilt (FOG).

    24.
    Emotional Blackmail – A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.

    25.
    Engulfment – An unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on another person, which comes from imagining or believing one exists only within the context of that relationship.

    26.
    Escape To Fantasy – Taking an imaginary excursion to a happier, more hopeful place.

    27.
    False Accusations – Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.

    28.
    Favoritism and Scapegoating – Systematically giving a dysfunctional amount of preferential positive or negative treatment to one individual among a family group of peers.

    29.
    Fear of Abandonment – An irrational belief that one is imminent danger of being personally rejected, discarded or replaced.

    30.
    Feelings of Emptiness – An acute, chronic sense that daily life has little worth or significance, leading to an impulsive appetite for strong physical sensations and dramatic relationship experiences.

    31.
    Frivolous Litigation – The use of unmerited legal proceedings to hurt, harass or gain an economic advantage over an individual or organization.

    32.
    Gaslighting – The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term “Gaslighting” is based on the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”.

    33.
    Grooming – Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.

    34.
    Harassment – Any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior by one individual towards another.

    35.
    High and Low-Functioning – A High-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is able to conceal their dysfunctional behavior in certain public settings and maintain a positive public or professional profile while exposing their negative traits to family members behind closed doors. A Low-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is unable to conceal their dysfunctional behavior from public view or maintain a positive public or professional profile.

    36.
    Hoarding – Accumulating items to an extent that it becomes detrimental to quality of lifestyle, comfort, security or hygiene.

    37.
    Holiday Triggers – Mood Swings in Personality-Disordered individuals are often triggered or amplified by emotional events such as family holidays, significant anniversaries and events which trigger emotional memories.

    38.
    Hoovers & Hoovering – A Hoover is a metaphor taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship, gets “sucked back in” when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.

    39.
    Hyper Vigilance – Maintaining an unhealthy level of interest in the behaviors, comments, thoughts and interests of others.

    40.
    Hysteria – An inappropriate over-reaction to bad news or disappointments, which diverts attention away from the real problem and towards the person who is having the reaction.

    41.
    Identity Disturbance – A psychological term used to describe a distorted or inconsistent self-view

    42.
    Imposed Isolation – When abuse results in a person becoming isolated from their support network, including friends and family.

    43.
    Impulsiveness – The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.

    44.
    Infantilization – Treating a child as if they are much younger than their actual age.

    45.
    Intimidation – Any form of veiled, hidden, indirect or non-verbal threat.

    46.
    Invalidation – The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless.

    47.
    Lack of Conscience – Individuals who suffer from Personality Disorders are often preoccupied with their own agendas, sometimes to the exclusion of the needs and concerns of others. This is sometimes interpreted by others as a lack of moral conscience.

    48.
    Lack of Object Constancy – An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision.

    49.
    Low Self-Esteem – A common name for a negatively-distorted self-view which is inconsistent with reality.

    50.
    Manipulation – The practice of steering an individual into a desired behavior for the purpose of achieving a hidden personal goal.

    51.
    Masking – Covering up one’s own natural outward appearance, mannerisms and speech in dramatic and inconsistent ways depending on the situation.

    52.
    Mirroring – Imitating or copying another person’s characteristics, behaviors or traits.

    53.
    Moments of Clarity – Spontaneous periods when a person with a Personality Disorder becomes more objective and tries to make amends.

    54.
    Mood Swings – Unpredictable, rapid, dramatic emotional cycles which cannot be readily explained by changes in external circumstances.

    55.
    Munchausen’s and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome – A disorder in which an individual repeatedly fakes or exaggerates medical symptoms in order to manipulate the attentions of medical professionals or caregivers.

    56.
    Name-Calling – Use of profane, derogatory or dehumanizing terminology to describe another individual or group.

    57.
    Narcissism – A set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others.

    58.
    Neglect – A passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of a dependent are disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them.

    59.
    Normalizing – Normalizing is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their own basic code of behavior.

    60.
    “Not My Fault” Syndrome – The practice of avoiding personal responsibility for one’s own words and actions.

    61.
    No-Win Scenarios – When you are manipulated into choosing between two bad options

    62.
    Objectification – The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.

    63.
    Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior – An inflexible adherence to arbitrary rules and systems, or an illogical adherence to cleanliness and orderly structure.

    64.
    Panic Attacks – Short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hyperventilating, shaking, sweating and chills.

    65.
    Parental Alienation Syndrome – When a separated parent convinces their child that the other parent is bad, evil or worthless.

    66.
    Parentification – A form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the family’s other children.

    67.
    Passive-Aggressive Behavior – The expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive, passive way (for example, through procrastination and stubbornness).

    68.
    Pathological Lying – Persistent deception by an individual to serve their own interests and needs with little or no regard to the needs and concerns of others. A pathological liar is a person who habitually lies to serve their own needs.

    69.
    Perfectionism – The maladaptive practice of holding oneself or others to an unrealistic, unattainable or unsustainable standard of organization, order, or accomplishment in one particular area of living, while sometimes neglecting common standards of organization, order or accomplishment in other areas of living.

    70.
    Physical Abuse – Any form of voluntary behavior by one individual which inflicts pain, disease or discomfort on another, or deprives them of necessary health, nutrition and comfort.

    71.
    Projection – The act of attributing one’s own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

    72.
    Proxy Recruitment – A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or “doing your dirty work” for you.

    73.
    Push-Pull – A chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness in a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.

    74.
    Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression – Explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute that are disproportionate to the situation at hand.

    75.
    Riding the Emotional Elevator – The Emotional Elevator is a way of describing how people who suffer from personality disorders and those closest to them sometimes take a fast track down to different levels of emotional maturity.

    76.
    Sabotage – The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.

    77.
    Scapegoating – Singling out an individual or group for unmerited negative treatment or blame.

    78.
    Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia – The use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.

    79.
    Selective Competence – The practice of demonstrating different levels of intelligence or ability depending on the situation or environment.

    80.
    Self-Aggrandizement – A pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority.

    81.
    Self-Harm – Self Harm, also known as self-mutilation, self-injury or self-abuse is any form of deliberate, premeditated injury inflicted on oneself, common among adolescents and among people who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. The most common forms are cutting and poisoning/overdosing.

    82.
    Self-Loathing – An extreme hatred of one’s own self, actions or one’s ethnic or demographic background.

    83.
    Self-Victimization – Self-Victimization or “playing the victim” is the act of casting oneself as a victim in order to control others by soliciting a sympathetic response from them or diverting their attention away from abusive behavior.

    84.
    Sense of Entitlement – An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.

    85.
    Sexual Objectification – The act of viewing another individual in terms of their sexual usefulness or attractiveness rather than pursuing or engaging in a quality of personal relationship with them.

    86.
    Shaming – The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.

    87.
    Silent Treatment – A passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence.

    88.
    Situational Ethics – A philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of rules and laws can be set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so.

    89.
    Sleep Deprivation – The practice of routinely interrupting, impeding or restricting another person’s sleep cycle.

    90.
    Splitting – The practice of regarding people and situations as either completely “good” or completely “bad”.

    91.
    Stalking – Any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual.

    92.
    Stunted Emotional Growth – Reluctance or inability to learn from mistakes, work on self-improvement or develop more effective coping strategies.

    93.
    Targeted Humor, Mocking and Sarcasm – Targeted Humor is any sustained pattern of joking, sarcasm or mockery which is designed to reduce another individual’s reputation in their own eyes or in the eyes of others.

    94.
    Testing – Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship.

    95.
    Thought Policing – A process of interrogation or attempt to control another individual’s thoughts or feelings.

    96.
    Threats – Inappropriate, intentional warnings of destructive actions or consequences.

    97.
    Triangulation – Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.

    98.
    Triggering -Small, insignificant or minor actions, statements or events that produce a dramatic or inappropriate response.

    99.
    Tunnel Vision – A tendency to focus on a single concern, while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.

    100.
    Verbal Abuse – Any kind of repeated pattern of inappropriate, derogatory or threatening speech directed at one individual by another.

    Not trying to overwhelm anyone, just trying to help. I found this information very helpful in my situation and the situations of others who post on Larry’s site!

    Sincerely,
    Blacksheep

  233. Larry Says:

    That’s a mighty fine list, Blacksheep. Thank you for posting it.

  234. Blacksheep Says:

    To Avenge Or Not To Avenge – THAT IS the question.

    I’ve spent the majority of my life since I was about 5 years old when my Mother Re-Married, dealing with
    various personality types. I just had my 60th birthday this year and thanks to Larry and his website I FINALLY realize all the various names they now have for all the various personality types. Through Larry’s website and his sharing, caring ways he’s managed to draw a huge conglomeration of like minded people and gotten them to share their experiences as well as their lack of experience when dealing with these various personality types.

    Currently there are XXXX different Personality Types and each Personality Type has a list of Personality Traits. Depending on how many of those traits an individual displays will determine under what category an individual will be placed in.

    Those traits are assessed via a line of questions presented either on paper or through a personal one on one session with the individual. Anyone can answer questions on a piece of paper and make themselves LOOK and SOUND like they are a perfectly normal and a perfectly sane individual. Those who have had years of practice will know how to fool a written test into believing they are ‘normal individuals” would wouldn’t do the things they are being accused of. It’s called being a “Master Manipulator”. I refer to them as “M &M,s.”

    However, the wise mental health professional as well as a wise attorney, will video record sessions for a better more revealing and more thorough analysis of the individual. Lots of attorneys video record depositions for this purpose so they may be better prepared for questioning the individual in court in front of a judge and/or jury. Body language can reveal an abundance of information about an individual. Much can be ascertained from reading body language and facial expressions during a one on one personal and private video recorded session/interview/interrogation. Those video recordings can be reviewed repeatedly and can be shared with other professionals and many opinions can be formed and shared in an effort to help everyone involved with the case, as well as the individual.

    In most cases of video depositions the individual is notified in writing with a list of interrogatory questions to answer and they have to answer them by law in a reasonable amount of time. Then if the attorney and client agree to a video deposition the individual will be notified in writing about six weeks prior to the deposition.

    If they don’t show up a second video deposition will be scheduled and if it’s a no show again then the judge will decide that the individual is not being cooperative and may jail them and/or fine them and/or hold them in jail until the next deposition can be arranged.

    If you do plan to avenge then I strongly suggest you collect all the documentation you can that will substantiate your case. Get Pictures, get documents and do your best to keep everything, each and every event documented in chronological order and make copies for your attorney. This will show a pattern of behavior to mental health care professionals and to your attorney and anyone involved in the legal system.

    I’ve recently purchased two 32GB retractable flash drives. They retain data for over 100 years and they have a password locked vault on them to drag and drop your files into which will keep them safe even if the flash drive is stolen. These flash drives are on sale for $20.00 in stores and on EBay. They also have a hole to slip them on a key ring!

    These flash drives have to be plugged into your PC , opened up and then set up before anything is saved on them.

    With this one flash drive I am now saving all documentation on I no longer have to lug around three two inch thick notebooks in a big over sized brief case!

  235. Becca Says:

    I am so tired and disgusted by the look and thought of him and his dastardly deeds, I want me and my life back. The more I play into his nonsense the more time I am missing out on my life because of the SP..is it really a catch 22?

  236. Blacksheep Says:

    Things a sociopath has in common with Judges and Attorneys

    A sociopath knows just as judges and attorneys know that there are two ways into the hearts and minds of the audience they want to pull over to their side of the issue. That is the eyes and the ears. They also know that using both paths is more effective than using just one path. The sociopath uses the eyes and ears of their audience to persuade the audience that what the sociopath has presented to them is the truth and nothing but the truth, when in fact the sociopath lacks the ability to show the eyes of their audience any type of proof. Thus playing mind games and using their almighty powers of persuasion to convince their audience that everything that has been said and will be said in the future by the sociopath is the undisputable truth. When in fact it’s all just one big lie to hide what the sociopath was, is and will be doing.

    The victim of the sociopath will have FACTS on their side. FACTS not arguments or unfounded conclusions FACTS have the power to persuade and prove a person/victim/audience innocence.

    When pinned down and asked for PROOF of their allegations or caught in the act the sociopath will (1.) change the subject (2.) create drama where there is none (3.) tell a bigger more unbelievable unproven unfounded lie to cover up the first lie. The sociopath will not have a witness, a picture, a document, or a recording of any kind to confirm anything they have stated, nor will they point you in the direction of where confirmation can be obtained. Everything the sociopath says and does is all for the sole purpose of damaging the reputation and the moral fiber of the victim so the sociopath can get by with something going on behind the scenes.

    A sociopath can take the most innocent of circumstances and twist those circumstances to suit their lies.
    It has been my experience that a sociopath is the one that’s guilty of just about everything they accuse their victims of.

    Don’t run, don’t hide, don’t cower in a corner, stand up and present the FACTS.
    If you don’t they will periodically continue to attack you in one fashion or another and they will also build up a sense of power which will give them the courage to attack other unsuspecting victims.

    Victims collect your facts and present them to the audience of the sociopath.
    Victims collect your facts and if possible present them in a court of law to stop the sociopath.

    Blacksheep

  237. evan Says:

    I exposed my ex to everyone one of her facebook friends. I helped her sons father get custody , so she couldnt damage her child. I caught my friends so called in company with her . Outed them too. Your wrong she is facing jail in 5 days . Shes is finished so dont lie orvfear monger thats wrong. Female sociopaths do what you do say false lies about ex lovers and fear monger

  238. Blacksheep Says:

    To Evan, I agree! Cowering in a corner is what they want from us.
    They want us beat down and feeling bad about ourselves and disappearing from the scenes of life they are creating drama in.

    A sociopath is addicted to all that drama and chaos they constantly keep creating.
    They fear us much more than we fear them, they know that we know what they’ve done
    and they know we know their capabilities and many times we can predict their next move. It is not within them to back off or sit down and shut up. They have to be forced to do so via legal means.

    My VN (Vindictive Narcissist) sister took great pride in calling my own daughter to the witness stand to testify against me, my son and another sister. When the judge began asking the questions of my daughter, daughter looked to VN before she answered. VN gave my daughter ‘permission’ to tell the truth. When my daughter did speak the truth
    the judge saw our reasons for wanting a permanent order of protection. The judge turned to VN and said: “ What you did, what you encouraged your niece to do for you, you did with malice, for the sole purpose of hurting these people. Protections order granted.”

    VN stated she was all confused she didn’t understand why she couldn’t dispose of property that belonged to her. SHE had been given mother’s house back in 97 via a beneficiary deed. The judge said let me explain the protection order to you. For one year VN was not allowed to contact the three of us in any way shape or form, VN could not send threatening emails, could not make any more nasty defaming facebook posts, VN could not destroy gifts and dump them in my driveway. VN could not destroy pictures on
    our dead Mother’s side walk, VN could not con anyone in to busting up a hope chest with a splitting maul that was made by a sibling and then leave it lay on our deceased Mother’s side walk for weeks on end and then burn it in the driveway.

    The bad part of this entire ordeal is this, my daughter whom I love so much no longer speaks to me and hasn’t since the day of my mother’s funeral two years ago.

    Another sad thing in all this is the fact that I was unaware that VN was inflicted with this horrible addiction. I’m 12 years older than her and I never saw her behavior as that of a Vindictive Narcissist or Drama Queen. VN thrives on causing drama where there is none. VN thrives in creating chaos where there is none. IF VN is NOT the center of everyone’s attention the party is OVER. VN is a spoil sport; VN will spoil anything good VN comes into contact with. Then dance with delight and sing with glee when VN is finished. Then move on to her next unsuspecting sheepeople/victim. Once a sheepeople gets wise to VN then they become the victim of VN’s wrath.

    When I finally did realize VN was a liar and a cheat and a thief way back in the late 80’s I should have called her out on it then but Mother wouldn’t allow it. Mother lived in fear of VN and VN’s spouse for 18 years. It makes me sick, physically ill when I think of what VN and spouse did to my mother over an 18 year period, mother’s golden years were spent in turmoil and fear and she was too afraid of what VN might do to say anything to anyone.
    Let us not forget the 18 years of vicious lies VN told on everyone of her siblings and the property VN stole from siblings via VN’s lies, not to mention the greatest theft of all, stealing Mother away from her other children via all VN’s lies. The great divide and conquer scheme. Get all of us fighting and arguing and NOT speaking to one another and swoop in and bully Mother out of everything Mother had worked for.

  239. phelps Says:

    To Avenge Or Not To Avenge – THAT IS the question.

    I’ve spent the majority of my life since I was about 5 years old when my Mother Re-Married, dealing with
    various personality types. I just had my 60th birthday this year and thanks to Larry and his website I FINALLY realize all the various names they now have for all the various personality types. Through Larry’s website and his sharing, caring ways he’s managed to draw a huge conglomeration of like minded people and gotten them to share their experiences as well as their lack of experience when dealing with these various personality types.

    Currently there are XXXX different Personality Types and each Personality Type has a list of Personality Traits. Depending on how many of those traits an individual displays will determine under what category an individual will be placed in.

    Those traits are assessed via a line of questions presented either on paper or through a personal one on one session with the individual. Anyone can answer questions on a piece of paper and make themselves LOOK and SOUND like they are a perfectly normal and a perfectly sane individual. Those who have had years of practice will know how to fool a written test into believing they are ‘normal individuals” would wouldn’t do the things they are being accused of. It’s called being a “Master Manipulator”. I refer to them as “M &M,s.”

    Top 100 Traits & Behaviors of Personality-Disordered Individuals
    1.
    Abusive Cycle – This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.

    2.
    Alienation – The act of cutting off or interfering with an individual’s relationships with others.

    3.
    “Always” and “Never” Statements – “Always” and “Never” Statements are declarations containing the words “always” or “never”. They are commonly used but rarely true.

    4.
    Anger – People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.

    5.
    Avoidance – The practice of withdrawing from relationships with other people as a defensive measure to reduce the risk of rejection, accountability, criticism or exposure.

    6.
    Baiting – A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another individual.

    7.
    Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing – This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness.

    8.
    Blaming – The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.

    9.
    Bullying – Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.

    10.
    Catastrophizing – The habit of automatically assuming a “worst case scenario” and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events.

    11.
    Chaos Manufacture – Unnecessarily creating or maintaining an environment of risk, destruction, confusion or mess.

    12.
    Cheating – Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.

    13.
    Chronic Broken Promises – Repeatedly making and then breaking commitments and promises is a common trait among people who suffer from personality disorders.

    14.
    Circular Conversations – Arguments which go on almost endlessly, repeating the same patterns with no resolution.

    15.
    Confirmation Bias – The tendency to pay more attention to things which reinforce your beliefs than to things which contradict them.

    16.
    “Control-Me” Syndrome – This describes a tendency which some people have to foster relationships with people who have a controlling narcissistic, antisocial or “acting-out” nature.

    17.
    Cruelty to Animals – Acts of Cruelty to Animals have been statistically discovered to occur more often in people who suffer from personality disorders than in the general population.

    18.
    Denial – Believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.

    19.
    Dependency – An inappropriate and chronic reliance by an adult individual on another individual for their health, subsistence, decision making or personal and emotional well-being.

    20.
    Depression – When you feel sadder than you think you should, for longer than you think you should – but still can’t seem to break out of it – that’s depression. People who suffer from personality disorders are often also diagnosed with depression resulting from mistreatment at the hands of others, low self-worth and the results of their own poor choices.

    21.
    Dissociation- Dissociation is a psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality.

    22.
    Domestic Theft – Consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.

    23.
    Emotional Abuse – Any pattern of behavior directed at one individual by another which promotes in them a destructive sense of Fear, Obligation or Guilt (FOG).

    24.
    Emotional Blackmail – A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.

    25.
    Engulfment – An unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on another person, which comes from imagining or believing one exists only within the context of that relationship.

    26.
    Escape To Fantasy – Taking an imaginary excursion to a happier, more hopeful place.

    27.
    False Accusations – Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.

    28.
    Favoritism and Scapegoating – Systematically giving a dysfunctional amount of preferential positive or negative treatment to one individual among a family group of peers.

    29.
    Fear of Abandonment – An irrational belief that one is imminent danger of being personally rejected, discarded or replaced.

    30.
    Feelings of Emptiness – An acute, chronic sense that daily life has little worth or significance, leading to an impulsive appetite for strong physical sensations and dramatic relationship experiences.

    31.
    Frivolous Litigation – The use of unmerited legal proceedings to hurt, harass or gain an economic advantage over an individual or organization.

    32.
    Gaslighting – The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term “Gaslighting” is based on the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”.

    33.
    Grooming – Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.

    34.
    Harassment – Any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior by one individual towards another.

    35.
    High and Low-Functioning – A High-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is able to conceal their dysfunctional behavior in certain public settings and maintain a positive public or professional profile while exposing their negative traits to family members behind closed doors. A Low-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is unable to conceal their dysfunctional behavior from public view or maintain a positive public or professional profile.

    36.
    Hoarding – Accumulating items to an extent that it becomes detrimental to quality of lifestyle, comfort, security or hygiene.

    37.
    Holiday Triggers – Mood Swings in Personality-Disordered individuals are often triggered or amplified by emotional events such as family holidays, significant anniversaries and events which trigger emotional memories.

    38.
    Hoovers & Hoovering – A Hoover is a metaphor taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship, gets “sucked back in” when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.

    39.
    Hyper Vigilance – Maintaining an unhealthy level of interest in the behaviors, comments, thoughts and interests of others.

    40.
    Hysteria – An inappropriate over-reaction to bad news or disappointments, which diverts attention away from the real problem and towards the person who is having the reaction.

    41.
    Identity Disturbance – A psychological term used to describe a distorted or inconsistent self-view

    42.
    Imposed Isolation – When abuse results in a person becoming isolated from their support network, including friends and family.

    43.
    Impulsiveness – The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.

    44.
    Infantilization – Treating a child as if they are much younger than their actual age.

    45.
    Intimidation – Any form of veiled, hidden, indirect or non-verbal threat.

    46.
    Invalidation – The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless.

    47.
    Lack of Conscience – Individuals who suffer from Personality Disorders are often preoccupied with their own agendas, sometimes to the exclusion of the needs and concerns of others. This is sometimes interpreted by others as a lack of moral conscience.

    48.
    Lack of Object Constancy – An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision.

    49.
    Low Self-Esteem – A common name for a negatively-distorted self-view which is inconsistent with reality.

    50.
    Manipulation – The practice of steering an individual into a desired behavior for the purpose of achieving a hidden personal goal.

    51.
    Masking – Covering up one’s own natural outward appearance, mannerisms and speech in dramatic and inconsistent ways depending on the situation.

    52.
    Mirroring – Imitating or copying another person’s characteristics, behaviors or traits.

    53.
    Moments of Clarity – Spontaneous periods when a person with a Personality Disorder becomes more objective and tries to make amends.

    54.
    Mood Swings – Unpredictable, rapid, dramatic emotional cycles which cannot be readily explained by changes in external circumstances.

    55.
    Munchausen’s and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome – A disorder in which an individual repeatedly fakes or exaggerates medical symptoms in order to manipulate the attentions of medical professionals or caregivers.

    56.
    Name-Calling – Use of profane, derogatory or dehumanizing terminology to describe another individual or group.

    57.
    Narcissism – A set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others.

    58.
    Neglect – A passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of a dependent are disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them.

    59.
    Normalizing – Normalizing is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their own basic code of behavior.

    60.
    “Not My Fault” Syndrome – The practice of avoiding personal responsibility for one’s own words and actions.

    61.
    No-Win Scenarios – When you are manipulated into choosing between two bad options

    62.
    Objectification – The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.

    63.
    Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior – An inflexible adherence to arbitrary rules and systems, or an illogical adherence to cleanliness and orderly structure.

    64.
    Panic Attacks – Short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hyperventilating, shaking, sweating and chills.

    65.
    Parental Alienation Syndrome – When a separated parent convinces their child that the other parent is bad, evil or worthless.

    66.
    Parentification – A form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the family’s other children.

    67.
    Passive-Aggressive Behavior – The expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive, passive way (for example, through procrastination and stubbornness).

    68.
    Pathological Lying – Persistent deception by an individual to serve their own interests and needs with little or no regard to the needs and concerns of others. A pathological liar is a person who habitually lies to serve their own needs.

    69.
    Perfectionism – The maladaptive practice of holding oneself or others to an unrealistic, unattainable or unsustainable standard of organization, order, or accomplishment in one particular area of living, while sometimes neglecting common standards of organization, order or accomplishment in other areas of living.

    70.
    Physical Abuse – Any form of voluntary behavior by Brett Gyllenskog which inflicts pain, disease or discomfort on another, or deprives them of necessary health, nutrition and comfort.

    71.
    Projection – The act of attributing one’s own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

    72.
    Proxy Recruitment – A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or “doing your dirty work” for you.

    73.
    Push-Pull – A chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness in a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.

    74.
    Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression – Explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute that are disproportionate to the situation at hand.

    75.
    Riding the Emotional Elevator – The Emotional Elevator is a way of describing how people who suffer from personality disorders and those closest to them sometimes take a fast track down to different levels of emotional maturity.

    76.
    Sabotage – The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.

    77.
    Scapegoating – Singling out an individual or group for unmerited negative treatment or blame.

    78.
    Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia – The use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.

    79.
    Selective Competence – The practice of demonstrating different levels of intelligence or ability depending on the situation or environment.

    80.
    Self-Aggrandizement – A pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority.

    81.
    Self-Harm – Self Harm, also known as self-mutilation, self-injury or self-abuse is any form of deliberate, premeditated injury inflicted on oneself, common among adolescents and among people who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. The most common forms are cutting and poisoning/overdosing.

    82.
    Self-Loathing – An extreme hatred of one’s own self, actions or one’s ethnic or demographic background.

    83.
    Self-Victimization – Self-Victimization or “playing the victim” is the act of casting oneself as a victim in order to control others by soliciting a sympathetic response from them or diverting their attention away from abusive behavior.

    84.
    Sense of Entitlement – An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.

    85.
    Sexual Objectification – The act of viewing another individual in terms of their sexual usefulness or attractiveness rather than pursuing or engaging in a quality of personal relationship with them.

    86.
    Shaming – The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.

    87.
    Silent Treatment – A passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence.

    88.
    Situational Ethics – A philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of rules and laws can be set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so.

    89.
    Sleep Deprivation – The practice of routinely interrupting, impeding or restricting another person’s sleep cycle.

    90.
    Splitting – The practice of regarding people and situations as either completely “good” or completely “bad”.

    91.
    Stalking – Any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual.

    92.
    Stunted Emotional Growth – Reluctance or inability to learn from mistakes, work on self-improvement or develop more effective coping strategies.

    93.
    Targeted Humor, Mocking and Sarcasm – Targeted Humor is any sustained pattern of joking, sarcasm or mockery which is designed to reduce another individual’s reputation in their own eyes or in the eyes of others.

    94.
    Testing – Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship.

    95.
    Thought Policing – A process of interrogation or attempt to control another individual’s thoughts or feelings.

    96.
    Threats – Inappropriate, intentional warnings of destructive actions or consequences.

    97.
    Triangulation – Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.

    98.
    Triggering -Small, insignificant or minor actions, statements or events that produce a dramatic or inappropriate response.

    99.
    Tunnel Vision – A tendency to focus on a single concern, while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.

    100.
    Verbal Abuse – Any kind of repeated pattern of inappropriate, derogatory or threatening speech directed at one individual by another.

    Not trying to overwhelm anyone, just trying to help. I found this information very helpful in my situation and the situations of others who post on Larry’s site!

    Sincerely,
    Blacksheep

  240. search Says:

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  241. Crash Says:

    ANYONE ELSE?

    Am I the only one here who understands that as a strategy, running, hiding and otherwise avoiding these “people” not only enables them to continue to poison our species, but it also encourages it by allowing them to prosper from their actions? It’s simple evolution…any trait that has a selective advantage will prosper. In other words, “They” are a sub-species of human beings, and they have adapted a very successful survival strategy. If we continue to allow them to thrive by not actively PREVENTING them from victimizing the rest of us, they will continue to multiply. If our only strategy is to “run and hide”, then we have already lost…we, as a species have doomed ourselves to being what amounts to “food” for these predators.

    Am I completely alone here….or does anyone see this too? ANYONE ELSE? Please let me know if what I said makes any sense, or if I am completely delusional here. Seriously, if I have this all wrong then please let me know, I won’t take it personally I promise.

    good luck out there – Crash

  242. Blacksheep Says:

    Crash,

    Not too far above your post is a list of 100 traits to look for when you suspect someone is a sociopath and that they are targeting YOU. I posted them back in February 2014.

    I’ve had just about all of them used on me personally by a sibling and the sibling used these tactics on my spouse and two sisters and a brother and most important one of all my dear Mother who has passed away in January 2011. I suspected a lot before I found Larry and his wonderfully informative website. I was at my wits end and ready to just end my life.

    Larry and all who post here gave me hope, a light in the cold lonely dark night and eventually strength to move on. I almost committed suicide over the crapola that was flung at me. The isolation from family even my children seemed to hate me. They hadn’t talked to me in a civil manor in five years and I never suspected a sibling was behind it.

    Once I began to carry a note book with me and began to write down events and accusations I started to realize this crapola was coming from someone who wanted me out of the way. Someone who feared me.

    I had a long talk with one sister and we did some digging at the local court house and we located everything we needed to prove what the Vindictive Narcissist (VN) was up to.

    I took sister with me and waited until son closed his business and my sister locked the door behind the last customer that left. Son looked at his aunt and said: “What’s up with that?” His aunt said :”Sit down dear nephew, you’re gonna listed to your momma and if that don’t work you’re gonna listen to me.”

    The two of us were brutally honest with my son and and showed him our proof from the court house. We knew we had to do something even if it was wrong. Son retained an attorney the next day and we met with the attorney paper work in hand and he took the case back in 2010 before Mother passed away.

    We head on to our final court date in September and it’s a slam dunk case of forgery for starters then we will move on to at least two provable counts of deformation of character and elder abuse.

    We’ve all become stronger as a family unit and as individuals also. It’s been a rough ride but we are not giving up.

    All it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.
    Thomas Jefferson

    Blacksheep

  243. Blacksheep Says:

    Crash,

    You can’t run from them, you can’t hide from them. When you do they win. I can only speak for me here and I do not feel the need to allow another sociopath to walk all over me like a door mat. I will not be kicked in the teeth again. I will not allow them to slander or slur another victim. If one is in my presence and starts the goading/gas lighting/telling untruths I’m gonna call ‘em on it. I’ve done it once already in my husband’s family and they now know they can’t peddle their crapola here. I will not stand by and watch it happen again. This particular party walks lightly around me and I like it that way! They fear me.

    Blacksheep

  244. crash Says:

    Thanks for the reply, Blacksheep … I apologize for the delay in responding but I was was away for a few weeks. Anyway, I am glad know that some of us are actively trying to engage this sub-species and prevent them from profitting from their unusual set of survival skills. I have to say that after your reading your replys to me and your post on the website, I am left with a question. Do you feel that explaining to these “people” that you are aware of what they are doing, and that you aren’t going to tolerate it anymore is an effective strategy. I can understand how it may be effective when the person in question is a family member or other subordinate of whom you have influence and a measure of control over.

    But with all due respect to your son, he’s not a person in a position of power and influence. How can we effect meaningful change when the person we are confronting is our boss, or the owner of a corporation, a religious leader or a political leader with the power to wage war on entire nations? I feel like a the value of social pressure has a very limited sphere of influence. If we had all the time in the world, I believe that there would be great value in addressing these people individual on a social level early in their lives when they are vulnerable to such pressure. Unfortunately, the very fabric of civilization is in great peril and we simply do not have the time raise a new generation of pro-social people when the current generation, dominated by anti-social values is rapidly plundering any hope of a better future for our species.

    I don’t have a solution here…I just wanted to ask the question. I think that the complexity of our situation as both a species and a civilization precludes the types of “happy-ending” solutions that we as priveledged westerners have come to expect. There is going to be a great culling of our species whether we want to believe it or not. For me, the only question is are we going to let “them” profit from this impending tragedy thereby robbing us of the potential for a more pro-social future built on a foundation of the best of what makes us human, love, trust, integrity and community….or do we continue to tolerate and forgive as is our nature, thereby guaranteeing a future straight out of a dystopian novel…?

    take care ~ crash

  245. Blacksheep Says:

    Crash,

    Not need for apologies, I understand we all have lives. First of all, ‘they’ are not a ‘subspecies’.
    They are human beings just like you and I and quite often they are family members we’ve know since birth, either their birth or our birth. They go through all the same human emotions just like you and I do, their reactions are quite different and that’s the difference in them and us.

    You call what they do ‘profiting from their unusual set of survival skills’. I don’t call it ‘survival skills’ and I don’t believe God will call it that either. They make the choice to use their powers of knowledge for bad/evil intentions where most humans use their powers of knowledge for good intentions and I believe the latter is what God wants us to do. What ‘profit’ do they gain? Yes some temporarily gain financially from their bad/evil – sinful skirmishes/actions. But what does that financial profit do to them in the long run? They ave to constantly be on the alert in fear of being found out and constantly keep track of the lies they’ve told to keep from getting caught. Is that really worth all their ill gotten gains?
    A life filed with stress and anxiety? I think not.

    I’ve never ‘explained’ as you put it that I’m on to what ‘they’ are doing. Once I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt the allegations against me were provably false to my son and two sisters we jointly took took legal actions against the culprit. I located documentations of several illegal actions and am prepared to prove in a court of law that forgery, land title fraud, bank fraud, loan fraud was committed and all the legal documentations point to the culprit, Their name is printed in black and white on legal documents and they are THE ONLY ONE who stood to ‘profit’ in any way from the illegal actions. Their biggest’ profit’ was MONEY/financial gain and their second biggest was covering their own behind and keeping it out of prison. Each of the four offenses carries a sentence of 7 years in prison if proven and I do believe they can be proven in a court of law, our attorney also believes it too. So do forensic annalists.

    Crash, it hurt my feelings and broke my heart beyond belief to KNOW that my very own son whom I raised alone, stood against me. Stood against me because of a pack of lies. But I swallowed my pride and walked a trail of tears locating proof of my innocence. I proved to my son in a private setting with one sister in tow, that I was NOT guilty of all the lies my son had been told. My son finally came to realize the lies were told to separate us as family and to isolate me and make me crawl off and hide in shame and embarrassment. That tactic worked for a little while, (5 years) but once I regained my composure and regained my footing I went in search proof of my innocence, I did not stay in hiding as the Vindictive Narcissist had planned for me to do. Once VN realized my son was no longer on the VN band wagon against me THAT addled VN to the max. Divide and conquer works for both sides in a skirmish.

    It is not a wise move to confront a boss, a leader/owner of a corporation, a religious leader, a politician. Those people need to be confronted legally. Gather information/facts/documentation of their acts/actions against them and choose your team mates wisely, many will side with those with the most money or power, consult an attorney on how to proceed, weigh the risks against the gains and proceed accordingly, just as I did.

    You say ‘social pressure has a very limited sphere of influence’. Social pressure caused King Pilot to wash his hands of Jesus punishment even when King Pilot could see no wrong that Jesus had done. Even King Pilot left it up to the people. He didn’t want to be guilty of punishing an innocent man. He didn’t want to go against the people’s wishes and the people, chose Jesus death on the cross over that of a known killer, liar, cheat and thief. The Bible is full of examples of peer pressure/social pressure.

    Addressing these people early in their lives is very important! Most parents are not equipped to see or handle these types of people. My own other and Stepfather said, ‘Just let her go, she’ll learn on her own.’ That’s the wrong approach for sure! At a very young age we all should learn there is punishment for wrong doings. We allow our children to get by with wrathful actions, being greedy and never learning to share, being slothful, having too much pride, being envious of others, gluttony, and lusting after material things/people. We as parents need to be better prepared to be parents before we are parents not after all hell breaks loose. Parents don’t stick together and agree on anything any more.

    Change takes place one person at a time. Withing the walls of our own homes is where we begin. We begin with ourselves and correct our own actions and learn to discipline our children and how to talk to other parents and help them and allow them to help us also. There is a lot of truth in the statement ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. Like minded people in that village/church/neighborhood who communicate and are not afraid to be brutally honest with one another and tell one another when they see friends and neighbors children doing things they shouldn’t be doing. We help one another, not lie to each other. Honesty FIRST.

    If you do not want your child to grow up with anti social values then teach them the value of the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. We change the world one person at a time, one household at a time. Lead with the gifts Jesus gave us, faith, hope, joy and charity and let it all begin in our homes and spread those same gifts to other homes and to everyone we come in contact with, before you know it the world will be a better place!

    ‘Happy endings’ don’t always happen here on earth. Many times the happy ending is in Heaven if we live on this earth as God wants us to. We need to teach our children that worldly payment for our actions is only temporary and to be mindful of our walk of life preparing us for Heaven or Hell.

    The best way to change the future of this world is to live and walk as Jesus walked and lived. Obeying the Ten Commandments, following the Be Attitudes, knowing and teaching the Seven Deadly Sins, knowing what God hates and doing our best NOT to be what God hates. Put our faith and trust in God, carry Him in our hearts with every breath we take and every step we take. Let God be our guide. Know in your heart that what ever you are going through God put you there to learn something, and once you learn it, He will lead you forward in life. I think God wants us to be Good Samaritans and lead by our own examples. Even the worst of people serve as a bad example.

    I don’t have all the answers either, Crash, but I do try to live as Jesus lived and walk as Jesus walked. I also know that some people you just can’t help, they don’t they they need help, they are perfect in every way and in many instances they actually think THEY are God and YOU answer to them. Personally, I’m out to prove ‘em wrong. I don’t consider myself a privileged westerner, I’m a child of God.

    Blacksheep

  246. ~crash Says:

    Blacksheep,

    Thank you for your heartfelt reply. You put a lot of time, effort and energy into what you wrote and it’s obvious that you genuinely care. I don’t want to create an adversarial situation between us as I believe that we are both on the same side here. I do want to point out however that by definition, psychopaths, sociopaths or otherwise “anti-social” people are an actual subspecies of homo-sapiens. From a strictly nuerological standpoint, they show remarkable differences in brain response to various stimulus, and in terms of evolutionary biology, many of these traits are understood to be successful survival strategies by the very definition. I would encourage you to look at some of the work done by Dr. Robert Hare or Dr. Hervey Cleckley as they both have a very unbiased, clinical view of the subject. I am also going to post a link below to an article that summarizes a lot of the information and gives access to further reading if you are interested. Here’s the link:

    http://www.sott.net/article/208242-The-Psychopath-A-New-Subspecies-of-Homo-Sapiens

    My hope is that this information will give you further insight into what they are, and prompt you to explore a bit further. Thanks again for the reply.

    best ~ crash

  247. Blacksheep Says:

    Crash,

    When you don’t want people to talk and find out what you been up to behind their backs what would you do? Think about that. You divide and conquer. Small battles won will win the war.

    Just for example sake here …. let’s say I’m the bad guy, and I sneak around behind all my siblings backs and I tell that one sibling is doping and borrowing money on Mother’s house, I even present some sort of what seems to be documentation of the latter. I’m jealous because Mother has allowed one sibling to live in the house and has signed the house over to that sibling. I want MONEY, I want LOTS of MONEY and I know I can coerce Mother into borrowing money, lots of MONEY and I can make promises I don’t intend to keep to Mother to get that money. But how am I gonna convince Mother this sibling needs out of the house? How am I gonna convince Mother to get the deed back in Mother’s name?

    !!!!! Idea !!!! I can break in the house in the middle of the night when accused of doping sibling is out of town on business …. I can plant what looks like dope and find it in front of Mother and others …. I can wait til sibling is away on a business trip and move Mother back in the house ….. I can get Mother to threaten accused of doping sibling with jail time ….. I can sell EVERYTHING sibling owns even the convertible in the driveway! MONEY !!!! LOTS OF MONEY there! Three businesses and four bedrooms of furnishings !!!! I can sell sell sell …. MONEY MONEY MONEY !!!!

    Now … how am I gonna get the house back in Mother’s name so she can borrow money … LOTS OF MONEY and give it to me? I’m gonna invest the money and make MORE MONEY!!!!! ….
    !!!!! IDEA !!!!! …. I can con someone into signing siblings name passing the house back to Mother and I can record it at the recorder’s office! THEN Mother can borrow money and give it to me! No one will know! Not even Mother !!!!! … I ask family to forge sibling’s name … they refuse …. I get someone else to do it and I ask another sibling’s Mother-In-Law to notarize it …. that’s illegal but no one will find out …. I have second sibling and first (accused of doping) sibling’s son come over to witness the notarization … I got them convinced that sibling one is a doper …. it’s all good!!! No one will find out! … Guess what ? I’m so proud of myself! I accomplished all this in just six weeks!!!!! DAMN I’m good !!!!!

    YEARS go by and no one is the wiser! Lucky me !!!! …. Oh wait accused of doping sibling’s boyfriend of 20 years passes away …. half sibling seeks her out in accused of doping sibling time of need …. they haven’t spoken in YEARS ….. Not since I told the lies …. OH CRAP! What do I do now!?!?!? I can’t have them getting their heads together and figuring out what I did!?!?!? …. Let’s tell another pack of lies on half sibling !!!! That should work great! ….. OH CRAP !?!?!? half sibling is trying to get Mother and accused of doping sibling back together! What to do now!?!?!? …… Ride half sibling’s ass from day light til dark and get Mother and half sibling into it …. that should run half sibling off for a good long while! Whew …. that worked! …. Mother gets sick, down, can’t drive ….. I can’ run from state to state every week to take Mother for doc’s appointments, I can’ t do Mother’s house cleaning or cooking or shopping or help her take a bath!?!?! I got investments to watch after! ….. I’ll suck back in with half sibling and she’ll do it! I can keep an eye on her that way! …. Mother gets down and I slam her in a nursing home because I can’t stay over night with her …… I accuse half sibling of stealing from Mother’s checking account, I accuse half sibling of abusing Mother ….. I accuse half sibling of cashing in a life insurance policy before Mother passed away, etc etc etc …. I separate half sibling from all but one sibling and her children don’t speak to her without cussing her for over 5 years now …. I accuse half sibling of trying to kidnap Mother from the nursing home ….. they won’t watch me, they’ll watch her ….. Mother passes away …. hasn’t seen two of her children and five of her grandchildren in 18 years …. what to do now!?!?! …. Now worries, I got it all sewed up good! …. I got beneficiary deed, a warranty deed, durable power of attorney for healthcare and finance …. the house … the money … the checking account …. the life insurance money … Mother’s auto … I’m beneficiary of it ALL…. it’s all MINE and I don’t have to keep one damn promise I made to Mother!!!!!
    AND I got all that MONEY Mother borrowed and paid back herself !!!! DAMN I’m good!!!! …. I make accusations at Mother’s funeral planning session in an attempt to goad half sibling into acting so bad she gets barred from the funeral …. that should work great at enforcing everything I’ve said against her all these years?!?! …. Oh damn!?!?! Didn’t work !?!?! I got Mother’s will !?!?!
    We won’t have a family sit down reading cause I’m the boss I got durable power of attorney! …. I’ll just slap the will in their laps as the preacher takes to podium at the funeral …. shock value should stop ‘em in their tracks …. they don’t know I conned Mother into disinheriting all of ‘em but ME!!!! …. Funeral’s over what can I do now to keep half sibling away from all others?!?!?! ….. I’ll cut up some stuff she made Mother and throw it in her ditch line …. I’ll walk through cow manure and wipe it on all the stuff she made for me in the last 30 years and throw that in her driveway …. OH DAMN !?!?! I’m being served with papers!?!?! They are taking ME to court!?!?! …. I’ll accuse half sibling and spouse of child molesting and child pornography …. that should get them hiding in fear, shame and embarrassment !?!?! ….. I try in two counties and it doesn’t work!?!?!? I’m really mad now …. I’ll go stomp all half siblings pictures she gave Mother on Mother’s sidewalk! …. I’ll accuse half sibling of stealing the Fidnet phone router and she’ll have to pay $500 for that …. that should stop her and put her back in hiding in fear and shame and embarrassment! …. That doesn’t work !?!?!? …. I’ll get half sibling’s daughter to drag that hope chest of accused of doping sibling’s which she made in high school and dad helped her sand it out on the sidewalk at Mother’s and we will take a sledge hammer and splitting maul and destroy it all over Mother’s sidewalk …. then I’ll leave it lay for a month and burn it in Mother’s driveway! …. That should work !!!! …. I’ll accuse half siblings son of stalking me and brandishing a knife and threatening me …. that should get them all to hide in fear, shame and embarrassment !!!!! …. OH CRAP !!! The judge saw right through me! Ya can’t stalk someone who lives in another state every night !!!!! …. I get interrogatory questions to answer and I send 200 pages of lies on accused of doping sibling and half sibling and half sibling’s son …. That should put them in fear of me and hiding in shame and embarrassment !!!!

    Little does this Vindictive Narcissist realize that half sibling and spouse and son and accused of doping sibling have been documenting everything VN has done! Pictures, witnesses, dates, times, and is consulting an attorney ….

    You see Crash …. once I stopped crying, once I stopped being embarrassed, once I realized shame on VN, once I stopped hiding in fear and got my wits about me, once I got brutally honest with accused of doping sibling and my son …. VN now fears accused of doping sibling and my son and my spouse and the law and ME. VN fears spending the next 28 years in prison.

  248. Blacksheep Says:

    Crash,

    You use the term ‘privileged westerner’. Do you realize the United States of America was founded by people others considered subhuman? Yes those we now call subhuman have always considered us subhuman and less valuable and more easily replaceable than cattle. Those desperate people who came here hundreds of years ago left their homelands to get away from owners – bosses – religious leaders – and politicians who used and abused them.

    We all have within us the ability to be a sociopath, it’s our God given freedom to chose how we act. We can lead or we can follow. Yet following doesn’t excuse us from our own individual actions.

    The Salem Witch Trials are a prime example of sheeple following so called religious leaders and politicians off into the deep dark abyss. The leaders came from money, power and privilege, had educations and were schooled in mannerisms and speech, and proper dress and used those advantages to get people to follow them and, get them to do anything and everything they wanted them to do.

    There isn’t anything any more powerful than standing up in a crowd and accusing someone of something. The second most powerful thing is secretly going around spreading lies and convincing people of falsehoods when in fact you actually have absolutely no proof of the lies you tell and you know what you’re telling is lies. Each person who choses to follow you blindly without an ounce of proof from you adds to your already heightened mental powers. Eventually you feel so self confident because you have a vast group of sheeple following you that you feel no one will ever stand against you or accuse you of anything. You have the almighty power of FEAR in your growing arsenal.

    The Salem Witch Trials branded people on the forehead with the Letter ‘F’ which stood for fornicator, fathers were allowed to sell their daughters into prostitution and slavery and even marriage. They forced women to wear a scarlet letter ‘A’ sewn on their clothing so all could see they were an adulteress. Yes females were considered subhuman – having not the mind to make decisions on their own. Many a female has been institutionalized for stepping up and speaking out against owners, bosses, religious leaders, politicians and even taking on corporations. MAN KIND did that. ALL OF MAN KIND did that.

    If we sit on the sidelines as observers and allow stuff like this to happen then we are no better a human being than the sub humans are.

    THANK GOD I’m a privileged westerner! I’m not imprisoned for denouncing other religions and taking up the Christian Faith!

    THANK GOD I’m not giving birth in prison and facing death by hanging/firing squad/stoning!

    THANK GOD we privileged westerners have walked far enough in this life on earth to realize this sociopathic behavior is unacceptable.

    Columbus kidnapped people and forced them into slavery and sold them for profit all over the world. What a concept! What a money making power and privilege BUSINESS he was in! Kings and Queens of nations supported his efforts!

    Hitler was a sliver tongued devil.

    I don’t believe anyone should OWN another human being. To the sociopath I’m the sub human one.

    Blacksheep

  249. ~crash Says:

    Blacksheep,

    Again, thank you for the time, effort and energy that you put into your replies. I am affraid however that you either misread or misunderstood what I wrote regarding “anti-social” people as a subspecies. You made the assertion that I was referring to “them” as “subhuman” as opposed to a “subspecies”.

    The term “subhuman” literally means “less than human”. It’s primarily a colloquial term and is rarely used in a scientific context, the only exception being in reference to any extinct members of the clade Hominia. In other words, extinct members of “pre” Homo Sapiens.

    The term “subspecies” is a biological classification referring to either a taxonomic rank suboordinate to the primary species, or a taxonomic unit within that rank.

    You are no doubt correct that many atrocities have been justified by referring to the victims as “subhuman”, and you will get no argument from me. Unfortunately, that has absolutely nothing to do with either evolutionary biology, or the significant body of current and continuing research that clearly indicates that there is a subspecies of Homo Sapiens that are neurologically different from the primary species. There is also a wealth of research devoted to further understanding the psychophysiological and neurocognitive differences that so called “anti-social” people exhibit. Regardless of whether you call them “psychopaths”, “sociopaths”, or just plain “anti-social”, there is little doubt remaining that “they” are indeed a subspecies of Homo Sapiens. Unfortunately, the implications of this reality are far beyond the facile discussions held on internet forums.

    Hopefully this clears any misunderstanding. Good luck out there ~ crash

  250. UnderAttack Says:

    Hello everyone.

    Wow, what an article! And yes, sad to say but its all too true about narcissists / sociopaths!!

    Heres my problem……I FINALLY got my severely inflicted insane narcissist / sociopath / sexualPredator / PathologicalConartist ex to LEAVE !! This in itself is phenomenal, because for YEARS he has refused to leave whenever Ive tried to get him to. He always has actually used the so-called “cops” against me because they always side with HIM because he is male and THEY are male! They have refused to believe me, even when I had bruises to prove the fact of his abuse!! He told me that I am the “abusive aggressive” one!!

    And guess what? THEY BELIEVED HIM!!

    Well, I have filed the dissolution petition papers, (finally). But now, since I do not want ANY form of contact w/him at all whatsoever because of the back stabbing snake-crap he’s done to make ME out to be “the bad guy” to literally every single person on planet earth, that means he’s “not getting what he wants” from me and so now he’s back on his warpath against me.

    My question is…..when he says his false allegations and accusations against me in an attempt to “get me in trouble” either w/the law or the gov’t like he’s tried to do before, if he gets others to believe him and jump on that wagon, is there actually some way he can get me arrested on false charges if he gets other people to simply “say” I supposedly “did” something?? This is HIM TO A ‘T’!! He’s furious because I have lowered the boom on him and NOT allowing him to further doormat me and use me in any financial manner. He had manipulated things to force me to have to continue to pay for HIS car insurance, and the car is MINE! Its in MY NAME! But since it was more or less “his”, I already told him I would put it in his name, but I was not going to be stuck to pay for it.

    He has refused to send me the lousy 37.00, and finally sent the stupid DMV form so I could put the car into his name, but he expects me to continue to pay the monthly insurance premium on it. He says he “can’t afford” it because he is still unemployed, but now says he just got hired? But says he won’t have any money for a while til he gets paid. But then even if thats true, I get stuck having to pay ins. on a car that isn’t even in this same county, that he’s using to sexually predate skaanks! So the only way I can get out of having to continue to pay for his ins. is to put the car in his name and have to be stuck paying to do that, and THEN take it off my insurance!

    So either way, I get stuck having to pay the title change fee, OR the insurance!! But now since he knows I may have to do that this month, he’s having a fit, and when/if I go to do it, all you-know-what is going to hit the fan. He’s going to report me for literally every single thing he can possible dream up! What are my protections from this kind of attack against me?

Your insights are appreciated ...

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