“… What’s my best option?”
All you need is this one answer …
Read this thoroughly. By the time you reach the end, you will hopefully realize that “avenge” is the worst thing you can do … don’t even consider it. Your best option can be summed-up very briefly — leave town.
If anyone else encourages you to take on the sociopath, supporting you by saying you can do it — distance yourself from him or her, too. Don’t argue, just distance. The risk you’d be incurring is far beyond whatever solace you think you’d gain.
You do not want to know how evil and vindictive a sociopath can get if you present yourself as a risk to them. It will begin faster than you can back down. Whether they are family, or close friends you’ve had your entire life … they have no limits, whatsoever. Nothing will keep them from using anything at their disposal.
They know many ways to destroy you — ways that would prove unimaginable. And there’s just one way for you to find out — go ahead and take them on. It will be the biggest regret of your lifetime.
By then, you’ll begin to believe you never knew this person, because as a sociopath, you never did — it was only their persona. Trust me on this: your life will never be the same. If you are indeed dealing with a sociopath, you must place your loved ones as the top priority for their safety and welfare, as well as your own.
If you decide not to believe me or anyone else who’s experienced what it’s like to be targeted, you should have a safe haven in place that the sociopath has no clues to its location and will completely lose you. Then, leave town.
Please, listen to us, read the comments written by the site’s visitors, those who have been victimized. They’ve been through it all, as I have. Take it from those of us who have wished someone could have warned us like we are trying to warn you — keep walking, and do not look back.
And NEVER EVER go back.
If you are like the majority, you can not believe what you just read; and hence, you seriously doubt the legitimacy of it. We were no different. I’ve included two additional scenarios.
I do hope, for your sake, that one will succeed where the others didn’t. I’m certainly not writing this for my health.
Scenario #1
To begin this virtual encounter, let’s make you invincible and intimidating — 
WRONG:
but please play along, OK? 
At six-foot-five, you were the all-star linebacker right up through college … no one in their right mind messed with you. So why on earth would you just stand by and allow this petite little “lady” to take manipulate you, use you, and endlessly lie to you. You don’t see any of it, do you?!
Don’t you see the RED FLAGS? You’re being played a fool, and my gut tells me she’s not playing any innocent courting game with you, either. I’ve seen her when you haven’t, my friend, and that tiny little gal scares me. 
I see two different people in that body, and they don’t seem to know each other. That’s how she’s got you suckered. Wake up, man! Get your head out of those clouds, or you’ll never get it back the same … never.
Those who know how evil a malicious sociopath can be, are usually the ones who have already been wounded for life. Don’t allow others to think for you. Face value is no-value. Never drop your guard. The most successful sociopaths have mastered their skills, blend into the party as the most likable people around, and are there for a specific purpose. Whatever it is, they’ll accomplish it.
Have you determined you’re in a place that you need to get out of?
Be very careful …
Avenge Analysis A
1 Do you have an escape plan in the works?
2 Have you considered all the possible ramifications? Like these? …
3 Have you considered you will be facing someone who has no limitations in how they plan to completely destroy you? That the harder you try to take them down, the harder you, yourself, will fall? Can you imagine someone who will let nothing get in their way … not one thing, and all without a hint of remorse?
4 Will there be a trial, such as a divorce? Do you believe you’ll have an advantage because you carry all the truth and you’ll be in a court room? To them, taking the stand under oath is simply showtime. They know how to manipulate the court system, and that’s one of their most efficient weapons against you.
They believe they have nothing to lose, because, so far, they’ve never lost. You are just another in a long line of victims that will be used for as long as you offer value, and then be discarded. If they think you may be a threat someday, based on what you learned, they won’t let you go without destroying you first.
This is how they run their lives every day. What they can do to you is beyond anything you’ve ever considered. Just remember that this person is saving their most evil attack for you when you least expect it.
5 The sooner you realize what you are truly up against, the better chance you’ll have to avoid the evil they are ready to tear you down with. And if the threat comes from someone you had once considered a close friend, a family member, or an ex-lover (married or not) … don’t expect favors because of those connections … just the opposite.
From my experience, there’s a good chance those connections will play against you. The sooner you realize that it was all a malicious farce, it was entirely faked, and that you never really knew the person other than what they acted out for you … the sooner you accept that true reality, that’s when you will see your fate.
You didn’t know this, but you were always expendable and disposable. Their daily lives are spent focused on controlling you and others. As soon as you skip all the other exercises above and focus on your escape plan, you’ll have the best chance to avoid the shocking evil that this vile individual has prepared to unload upon you.
You cannot allow it to begin, or it will never stop. You must be pro-active now. If you believe that your situation could turn violent, or already has, your number ONE responsibility is YOU. Keep you and your loved ones safe. That may mean you will need to move away … be prepared.
6 So, first-things-first — have you completed your escape strategy?
Avenge Analysis B
Do you still believe the danger is over-blown?
If after reading the above scenario, you are still not convinced of the danger posed by a harmless-looking sociopath, the following may add some credence. Below is a much more candid and extreme scenario, though still a very realistic possibility of the victim’s risks. The contributing factors would 
include the sociopath’s own instability, his history of unknown illegal and immoral activities, and how the sociopath sees you within his own risk comfort level.
Just ask yourself if you’d want to risk pissing off someone who is void of any feelings, someone who has never experienced even the slightest sense of remorse, regret or shame for the extremely malicious, and sometimes violent attacks he has unleashed upon others. Whether his fears about you can be justified, or are completely fueled by paranoia, it’s all the same to him. He now considers you the biggest risk to his future; hence, you just became #1 on his “to-do” list.
Do you really want to go there?
No matter who you are, how powerful you are, what profession you’re in, how smart you think you are, how many friends you have, no matter what you think or what anyone tells you, the odds are entirely against your success.
A sociopath has no limits, whatsoever. Additionally, this sociopath has an enormous amount of fabricated deception and bad deeds to protect from his history. You know virtually nothing about what else he’s done. Yet,
What he knows all too well, yet you don’t have a clue of, is his own history of bad deeds. Getting your vindication would be the same as he being completely exposed as a sociopath … he’ll never let that happen; he can’t let it happen if he wants to live freely.
Obviously, exposure would not be anything this sociopath would easily accept. Chances are,
You have become a real threat to his warped sanctity.
If he gets clued-in that you’re planning something, he will not wait to go on the defensive. He knows what is at risk — something you don’t — and he’ll begin with, what I call, offensive-revenge.
Your success would lead to destroying his life, and potentially incarceration. Depending on what would be revealed about his past, such as white-collar crimes, he would have everything to lose. So there’s another thing he knows quite well, but you don’t have a clue — the gravity of his past deeds.
What would happen to him if you were successful in your vindication and exposure? If guilty of white-collar crimes, he could theoretically be sentenced to multiple prison terms, essentially making it a life sentence, similar to how Bernard Madoff will finish the rest of his life. That nice little old man, Bernie Madoff, was able to 
convince investors — from elderly widows, to large international investment firms — to hand over huge amounts of investment capital, to the tune of US$50,000,000,000.00 (fifty billion dollars) to one little old man, who spent it freely on a lavish lifestyle with his wife. He’d party with those he stole from. He never showed remorse.
Do not take this lightly.
You will be risking emotional suicide, if not more. There is nothing I can give you as a comparison, because there is truly nothing that even comes close to the utter determination of success, the elimination of any obstacles, his maliciously-evil drive for offensive-revenge, his complete lack of any feelings as to how he will destroy you, what he will do to accomplish it, and how it will leave you.
continued: What you don’t know about your sociopath.
###
NOTE: I use the male gender (e.g., he, him, etc.) throughout this post. Please understand, though, that women afflicted with the same personality disorders (also referred to as sociopaths) are fully capable of being equally, if not more malicious, dangerous, and ruthless.
July 18th, 2010 at 19:29
Good stuff as always.
i walk away but it’s never over.
July 21st, 2010 at 00:46
Then just drag that comfortable overstuffed chair to your desk. The next post is always just around the corner.
September 7th, 2010 at 20:37
This article is true.
Also Larry, you are absolutely right about these types gaining disciples.
I called today at the place of work of the sociopath I know because I saw him post nude photos of himself online at his advertising sales positions. I called his boss. When I told him that R. is a sociopath … he giggled.
Well, I overreacted and normally wouldn’t do something so direct especially since this is a local telemarketing company that hires felons who have just been released, sex offenders and the like…lunch break at this company looks like prison recreation time…very scary.
Anyways, the guy took a look at the site. He never called me back but instead this “manager” gave my unlisted telephone number to R. who called me, threatened me, and claimed that I had called and threatened both he and his manager.
NOTE: I’m just writing to say … this article is right … don’t ever take on a sociopath … run. They have too many followers, as well as a growing number of disciples to back up their lies.
September 10th, 2010 at 09:48
I tried to expose my ex for what he was, a philandering evil sociopathic weak little man. I told everyone we knew, I posted it on my social network page, I wanted everyone to know.
He has reunited with his wife now. I found out that his wife had several affairs behind his back when they were together. I spoke with the guy that his wife had had an affair with. My Exes wife is a Sociopath also, and damaged this guy quite badly. We decided the best way to get revenge was to tell my ex what had been going on. With details of times, places etc. So we did.
I wanted revenge on him, I knew this knowledge would ruin his relationship with his wife forever, that he would never leave her, but he would never be able to forget what i had written. I know it will be with him forever. The idea that a WOMAN would do that behind his back and get away with it would punish him forever.
I did not hear anything from them for a month and then yesterday i got a call from my gym manager. My exs wife goes to the same gym as me. She had made an official complaint about me, told them i had threatend her in the changerooms, that i stalk her and that stand over her. She also said that i had an affair with her husband. All of this of course was lies.
I went to the gym manager and told them what she was like. I told them that when i was with her husband she sent texts saying that she was going to destroy me,that she had made threats to slit my throat. that she was going to make allegations of peadophilea against me because she hated me spending time with her children. I exposed her to them for who she is. She is not the poor little scared blonde woman that feared for her life. I reported the incident to the police and gave them all her details.
These people think they are smart, think they are one step ahead, they are not. My ex partner is half my size, as is his wife, I am not afraid of what they will do to me physically, I am concerned for what they will do to me in my day to day life. His wife i now realise is getting at me for causing such grief for her at home. That was not my intention, but again i dont really care. These two people deserve eachother.
I want them to stay together forever so they can have as little effect on others lives as possible. I want them to live in their paranoid, untrusting home, suspicious all the time and on edge. That is my greatest revenge.
That was why i sent the email.
September 11th, 2010 at 10:47
This site looks much like my journal. Only a couple of differences, actually … your disciples, I refer to as minions. My greatest revenge? Living well. While it is often difficult to get up each morning, what hasn’t killed me has apparently made me stronger. In realizing that my sister was a sociopath, I researched for days on end trying to understand how I’d been willing to endure her abuse for decades without just giving up. At that point, I could finally see.
I was dating a sociopath and had discovered my best friend was sleeping with my boyfriend. Then I discovered that my sister was as well. Then I discovered he had yet another girlfriend…. although I’d never met this person, my sister befriended her immediately. She provided personal info, my address and my phone number. The girl came to my house regularly for nearly a year screaming and threatening me. I became a recluse as a result and eventually I had to obtain a restraining order. I thought “how could this be…. nobody has this many sociopaths in their lives all at once, was God testing me?”
I did come to understand that growing up with a sociopathic sibling- whether we were aware at the time or not- desensitized me to the abuse I was receiving from my boyfriend and my best friend. I was so accustomed to the horrific treatment by my sister, which was always blamed on me, that I’d found comfort in familiarity.
I may have read every book on sociopathy and malignant narcissism, but until I read “The Sociopath Next Door” and “Without Conscience”, I wasn’t ready to accept it. I read both books in the same day and that was two years ago. I have no contact with the ex-boyfriend (had to change my number 7 times), my ex-best friend, or my sister. Occasionally, she sends the police to my home for yet another ridiculous allegation. So far, I’ve lived in a crack house (I live in Montana, while there may be some crack here somewhere, nobody I know has ever seen it), I am an abusive mother, a prostitute, a madam, a kidnapper, and a drug dealer.
She’s abused ever law enforcement entity from the sheriff, US marshals, detectives, DFS, etc. I ignored it for years, but when I had police cars at my home for 6 days in a week, I decided I had to move. Because my daughter’s father lives here (and he is a great father, a great friend of mine despite the situation with my sister), I’m not able to move until she graduates from High School…. which is in quite a few more years.
I did move to a completely different area of town and so far, only my parents know where I live. My parents and grandmother believe me completely as they’ve all been on the receiving end of her wrath as well…. but they know her emphasis is always directed toward me. My other siblings won’t speak to me. I’m always good enough to do all of the graphic design work they need- for free- but other than that, we have no contact.
I could go on and on, sorry to continue on. I guess I just really wanted to say that after the blinders are lifted, there is no turning back. There is no helping a sociopath, in fact; attempts to do so are not only dangerous to those around the sociopath, but they generally also give her (I always refer to them as “her”) some practice at manipulating a professional. Generally, they win. Don’t ever fight with a sociopath… unless you are lacking a conscience as well, you haven’t a chance.
Life is pretty empty since everything feel apart two years ago, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world now. Those red flags that passed me by for so many years are now crystal clear and I don’t intend to make those mistakes again…. although we know we aren’t immune either. Sociopaths have an extra sense, they know what we want and need more than we do ourselves.
I haven’t dated since that guy and although I’m 34, I’ve accepted that I will be alone forever. I’m ok with that. I doubt I could ever trust anyone again anyway. My sister has always interfered with every relationship I’ve ever been in…. life is so much better without contact from her.
I wish you all the best…. sociopaths leave misery and destruction in their wake. You find out quickly that being alone is far better than being with someone who isn’t even real. It is unbelievable how many innocent lives are influenced by these soulless creatures.
One last thing… make sure you realize that they aren’t mentally ill. They know the difference between right and wrong, they simply choose which path suits them best at that time. There is a huge difference between mental illness and pure evil.
September 18th, 2010 at 05:38
Hello Nic,
We all experience such similar events with our sociopaths. Some of what you wrote could have been about me. I’m glad you’ve found the strength to move on, but like you said, you’ll probably never be in a relationship again … something I’ve accepted about myself, too.
I do have one question for you to clarify, if you would, please: where did you come across the definition of “mentally ill” as knowing the difference between right and wrong?
Thanks.
September 20th, 2010 at 11:49
Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that was the definition of mentally ill. I really just meant that they aren’t insane- they know the difference between reality and fantasy and right and wrong. Which, in a sense, is certainly a mental illness of its own.
I feel like labeling them as mentally ill almost excuses their behavior- it isn’t like they are schizophrenic, they aren’t hearing voices in their heads, they aren’t being compelled by an unknown force- they are simply EVIL.
That’s how I see it anyway. Maybe that is my own personal way of accepting that I can’t help them and shouldn’t even try because it puts me at significant risk.
September 26th, 2010 at 02:16
Nic,
There’s not only no helping a sociopath, but attempting the same with their disciples can be equally dangerous, or at the very least, downright frustrating. In my case, there was one week that I had the opportunity to speak with both my sister-in-law, and son-in-law.
Neither turned out anything like I had imagined. It wasn’t the goal with Karen, my sister-in-law, but that’s where it went. I covered it in this post.
Then I specifically attempted to contact Sarah’s husband, Nick. I will post that soon. See if anyone else thinks he physically threatened me, too. Although I had not spoken to him in 7-8 years, he apparently still knows more about me than I do.
Larry
October 28th, 2010 at 23:56
Nic said it: “EVIL”…. no need to split hairs or debate the meaning of the word or the concept, it is what it is and no matter what you call it, sociopaths are not “ill” or handicapped, disabled or unfortunate. The mental health community needs to define it as an illness to support a fundamental building block of human logic and reason…”The Just World Theory” is critical to our understanding of reality and if people in general were to really understand the evolution that sociopaths represent, we would have to come to terms with reality of being what essentially amounts to “prey”…
We enjoy a level of comfort and overall serenity in our day to day lives that comes with being the “dominant” species…but the truth is we aren’t. We are not all “equal” and do not have the same capacities. True sociopaths are people with all of the “strengths” and none of the “weights” to hold them down.
So what are we to do? Your advice, to basically “run for your life” is exactly what the establishment suggests. Essentially,
cut your losses, learn your lesson, and avoid it in the future.
Anyone reading this should ask themselves however, what this strategy leads to…? Sociopaths aren’t going to stop hunting the rest of us…and of course, sociopaths..”evil” if you will, thrive on societies understanding and forgiveness.
I’m not going to make any suggestions nor offer advice… I only wish to give anyone reading this the inspiration to consider a different view of reality by considering the following:
Sociopaths thrive (perhaps by there own design) on our general belief that we as a society, as a culture, as human beings have “evolved” intellectually and as such, we should strive to be in complete control of our emotions and NEVER under any circumstances should we even consider using our physical ability to facilitate any type of “tangible” response… we have even stigmatized the very suggestion of tangible action and given it a negatively suggestive label…”violence”
It wasn’t that long ago that even in the most sophisticated societies, if you abused someone intellectually, insulted them, humiliated them, slandered them etc. there were actually consequences for your actions and you would have to answer for what you had done…i.e. if you insult my wife, it’s pistols at dawn.
Sociopaths are uniquely equipped for intellectual and psychological warfare….the only thing they truly fear is reality. In a world where there are no tangible consequences for their actions, sociopaths will continue thrive on the subjective and intangible reality of a society governed exclusively by intellect and emotion… You can try to run and hide…but if the few of us who have gained the gift of “sight” as the result of being victimized by a sociopath choose to ignore what we know to be true, I fear that it is inevitable that we are all doomed to suffer through life as “living prey” wandering in this house of mirrors they are adding onto everyday…
November 19th, 2010 at 16:03
Please contact me by email, my story is sooooo long and I want your opinion on my situation.
Are all con-artist’s sociopaths? He speaks about people he doesn’t know as victims… he has a gambling addiction, so I am wonder if all his bad behaviour is the result of the gambling or if he is just evil and the gambling maybe brings it out more…
Please contact me, I have a lot of questions.
November 19th, 2010 at 20:07
Xandria,
Due to the sheer number of comments and my limited time, I can only respond online to posted comments. This allows anyone else to participate in the discussion, as well as potentially help others, too.
I’m sorry but I just cannot respond privately.
January 17th, 2011 at 17:32
Wow, yeah…this is really true. I managed to date a guy for a bit over 2 years who totally fucked me over.
I was young and niave. I had no clue someone could be so evil. He pretty much stalked me and has went completely out of his way to try to ruine my life…I never thought someone could have no remorse, eventually I found out the man I was in love with was never real…his stories, I found out he lives like 3 different lives and hes only 23…
I was to heartbroken and shocked at the time… Idk, eventually I realized after not being with him for a while and he’s still trying to hurt me and stalk me on the net while he’s acting like he’s totally in love with some new chick and claiming that I’m crazy *even though all I say is to stay out of my life** and trying to get close to my family and friends (he moved around my hometown).
I’m just going to change my email address and move to a different state. I’m sure once I’m out of sight long enough, eventually he’ll (sadly for them) find someone else to try to screw with.
January 17th, 2011 at 20:12
Meg,
Your conclusion is the correct one. For your own wellbeing, hopefully you can make it happen: you can move and vanish from this guy’s ability to contact you. But even then, it’s not over.
Do not tell anyone where you’ve gone except those who truly need to know. He would likely play-up to people he knows you associate with and attempt to get your contact info in any way he could.
You need to lie low for at least a year, as a sociopath’s will is one of determination. As he has set-out to destroy you, he will not give in easily. I wish you the best. Please stay in touch and update your progress.
January 28th, 2011 at 01:18
This is almost right. My ex gf has cheated on every guy, cruel lies about her n her fam to cover up her shit.
She’s gotten all these guys jumped n beat up by bigger guys who soon found out she was evil also. THE TRUTH IS she did more then ya’ll can could ever imagine to me. BUT she built up an ARMY OF ENEMY’S and she fucked with me way… passed the line.
I recorded her a milion times, got every she fucked over, letters, emails, texts and etc. SAVED IT. EXPOSED HER WHILE SHE LIED n LIED n tried to set me up to get jumped. I have well over 6 figures in the bank now.
I COMPLETELY DESTROYED HER AND SHE LEFT and her family won’t even talk to her. I’m a very humble guy n its the 1st time I ever detroyed some1. She had every traits of a sociopath x 100. Be like 50 cent and detroy that Sociopath.
I FEAR NO MAN AFTER DEALING WITH THAT WHORE
January 29th, 2011 at 13:38
Johnathan,
Wow, you do realize that she will probably want revenge from you if she a actual sociopath, right?
No offense but it almost sounds like you are too….
February 11th, 2011 at 01:53
Thanks for the timely reminder. This post is what drew me to your site.
It’s been 7 years now since leaving and breaking off all contact with my sociopathic ex business partner. As time goes by it is easier and easier to not think about him or what he did. But I still have relapses when I get really angry and want revenge.
He took a perfectly healthy business, one that I had put my heart and soul in, and just threw it away because it no longer suited his grandiose ego-feeding schemes. He wanted to take the business 180 degrees away from the path we supposedly agreed to, got super abusive when I disagreed, and bullied me out of the business.
When I resigned, he even had the heartless gall to say that was the best case scenario, and immediate asked that I continue to do work at a discounted rate for him! No “thank you” “it must be hard for you” etc. No humanity.
He took what was to be my life’s work, corrupted and poisoned it, then threw it away. He destroyed my self esteem and damaged my reputation. He damaged clients’ businesses – damage that I had to fix after he swanned off to do something else. He made grandiose and glib comments about treating me right, and eventually walked away with all the profits. Such is self righteous, self justifying evil this man was/is.
No, I will not actually take revenge for the reasons you have outlined so clearly. Anything that is perceived as a threat to his world is immediately and viciously counteracted with anything and everything. He has no accountability, even to the law.
Even when I was trying to leave, and we were trying to settle the profit split, he was deviously manipulating every and any excuse to get more of the pie himself. In front of our accountant no less. And meanwhile I had to suffer him saying how he was generous, and equitable, and would fast track everything. Lies lies lies more damned lies.
He wont even acknowledge any of my contributions – glibly dismissing them as “oh you were paid to do all that”. and instead would turn eahc of those discussions into how HE was the one who did everything, how HIS ideas were incalculably valuable etc. How do I get over this sense of indignation at his blatant lies and violations?!!!
I know he is mentally ill. He is doing what comes naturally to him – he is evil by the general definition. And he doesnt know it. I know there was no way I could have seen what was coming. It still infuriates me sometimes.
Thankfully there’s been no contact. I not only left the city but the country! I am still struggling to reinvent a new path for my career – thats how much damage he has caused. On bad days I feel numb and have no passion for anything I am doing. All the passion and life I had invested in that business he just threw away, just like that. He even had the nerve to say “Oh, I had always planned to shut it down” when I confronted him about it. He had me convinced I was useless and holding the business back; and that HIS way was the only way forward. And his way meant – shut the business down!!!
I know the best revenge is to live my best life. I sometimes just dont know what that is any more. Sometimes I am fearful I would meet another sociopath again. I would be more prepared, but I dont think I can deal with that situation again where someone can just decimate everything and happily walk away.
February 11th, 2011 at 05:47
Welcome TK.
You’ve certainly been through it. For your sake, I’m glad you decided against revenge. Revenge can be such a strong desire — albeit a bad one — since they leave their victims in a long-term, terribly denigrated state, yet they just move on and do it again. They truly believe they’re above the law, and frankly, they virtually are.
Thank you.
February 25th, 2011 at 14:40
Thanks Larry.
No I will not act on my thoughts for revenge. There is no justice as far as the law is concerned. That and the nature of the business and the size of the business means even if he did do illegal and unethical things no one will give a flying f*** anyway.
So you are right, he is virtually above the law. And most people will probably believe whatever f**ed up version of the story he will concoct – just like I believed him, and the business coach we had believed him. He will likely turn most people onto his side – temporarily, but long enough to cause me more damage.
I will restrict revenge to my fantasies…
It is interesting, after so many years, I can now begin to be angry AT him, and hate him for what he did. Only recently i could accept that I wasnt the problem – he was the f**ed up person!!! And he left this exact same trail of destruction with all of his prev professional and personal relationships!!!
Forget the words, look at the actions!
March 4th, 2011 at 21:31
@TK
“Forget the words, look at the actions!”
Perfect. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Unfortunately, “words” are what they thoroughly excel at to manipulate others.
March 29th, 2011 at 04:07
I hope that I am not the only non-sociopath who finds this type of post to be somewhat frustrating and patronizing, even though it is informative and the advice is good for most people. As a PhD student in clinical psychology who is still trying to heal almost 3 years after a 6 month “relationship” with one of them, I am well aware that they present a false persona and feel no connection to anyone.
I may never really experience love now, thanks to that. In addition, I feel a hell of a lot less emotions in general than I used to before I got used. My capacity to empathize and connect with others has been irreparably damaged. Upon reading this you may surmise that I have become a little bit like one of them, like a sociopath. I would say that this is correct; I don’t connect with people with the same depth that I used to feel, and I don’t feel much in comparison to how I used to feel emotions.
However, I wasn’t born this way. I grew up a very emotionally sensitive person and I fell deeply in love when it happened. This, I think, is why it hurt me so much. I recognize this and I dislike it but there’s nothing I can do now except to hurt sociopaths whenever possible. I truly do hate them, and it is very unpleasant to hate. I would do anything to erase it, make it go away, make myself forget, but like an ugly scar it is there every god damn day when I wake up and it never leaves me.
I think that most of us on this site have learned the hard way already that our prior connections with sociopaths are always ATTEMPTED to be used against us, until, that is, we get sly.
I admit that I will never pursue revenge against the one that got me. It’s too late for that, I don’t want to go to prison over it, if I had my way I surely would, and according to what I hear his life is turning out shitty enough anyway that I will eventually just sit back and laugh at his pathetic, tragic, wasted excuse for a life and when that happens, guess what? I WIN.
However, in addition to this, I DO take out my rage and sorrow on every sociopath I encounter now. I have learned a LOT about them. I know how they work. I can identify them very quickly now, and I hurt them any way that I can before they know what’s coming or who I am. No one will ever convince me that they do not deserve it. It is a powerful and addictive feeling to make one of them upset and at the same time powerless. I have good friends who have proven trustworthy and who know that I am right when I tell them “this person we were just speaking with is a psychopath.”
They hurt us every day of their wretched little lives, it’s only fitting that once in a while we should do it to them even though in the grand scheme of things we are always much richer than they are. By richer, in this instance, I don’t mean financially but rather richer in terms of the breadth and depth of human interpersonal experience, emotions, etc that they will never even taste no matter what they do, ever. A lot of people think that this is really why they do so many awful things to us. They cannot love. They envy.
At least they don’t have memories of what it was like. I do. As I rub my thumb and index finger together in front of my computer screen, I think, “this is the sound of the world’s smallest !@#$ing violin playing just for you, poor little sociopaths. Just as you do for me, I have NO compassion for you.”
And I don’t. I actually think that we should round them all up and kill them. The sooner the better. Kill the adults first, and then routinely screen children at ages 10 and 15, etc, killing off sociopaths as they are identified. You may think that this sounds like genocide, but you have to remember that sociopaths really aren’t people, they are horrible predators in people suits. The term “genocide” should be reserved for crimes against HUMANITY only. We cannot coexist with sociopaths. Look at what they do to us.
In any case, we are absolutely on the cusp of being able to reliably identify psychopaths with portable fMRI technology. I’m curious as to how my test result might look, but I would still be for the “kill all sociopaths” policy even if it meant I would be killed too. I’d do anything to hurt them on such a grand scale. Anything. There is already a pretty good fMRI testing method currently being researched for use with prison inmates. Forget about Hare’s checklist, it’s garbage unless you know what you’re doing, and then you wouldn’t need it.
K that’s all for now. Cheers!
March 30th, 2011 at 06:30
I lived with a sociopath for 5 years, he acted like he was my best friend while I was paying for everything.
As soon as I lost my job (at the same time he got a really good one) and I asked him to contribute, he left. We didn’t have a row or anything. he just packed his bags and didn’t look back. He found another ‘sponsor’. He has not contacted me since. This is the guy I paid for every holiday, meal out, utilities, shared my every thought with, expected to live out my life with.
GONE with no contact just when I couldn’t fund him anymore. When I contacted him to pay back a loan (in tens of thousands of dollars) he got abusive, called me all sorts of names and told me never to contact him again. He said if I went through the courts he would say it was a gift as he has love letters from me. I now question every decision I make and every new person who comes into my life.
Looking at his life now, he doesn’t have friends, he has ‘followers’ who ‘love him’. He is a very charismatic dance teacher with a stellar career as a performer and no-one would believe what he did to me.
March 30th, 2011 at 14:55
Louis,
I guess I can understand why you refer to my post as “frustrating and patronizing” even though you follow it with “it is informative and the advice is good”.
As a doctoral student in clinical psychology, you are taught and do research from a very therapudic perspective. Additionally, you are what I would consider rare … you are also the victim of a sociopath.
With your personal experience, along with your education, I wish you were locally in practice, as you would be able to understand. No professional I have sought out for therapy has a clue.
I’ve come to the conclusion that they do not believe me, with one even telling me she had no idea how to repond. I believe that most people who find this site are looking for more of a real world understanding of why their real world seems upsidedown.
I write from a level of experience, from my heart, with the purpose of helping others understand what they are truly dealing with. I write in a way that would have helped me. I am in no way writing from a level of superiority, though I must write knowing that individials will each grasp the magnitude of their situation in their own way. One key will not fit all doors.
Thank you for your comment. I hope you’ll contribute more.
March 30th, 2011 at 15:04
Freddy,
To me, your friend sounds like a textbook psychopath (sociopath). It is truly gut-wrenching to begin to accept that someone you considered a trusting, loving friend was purely deceptive and using you. By far, that’s what most victims end up facing.
I wish you the best going forward.
March 31st, 2011 at 01:21
Larry, I’m really sorry I opened my first comment with a criticism. That was not the right thing for me to do.
I actually think that much of the information I see on this site is wonderful and is helpful to me. I actually wish that I had come across it sooner. I don’t mean to come across as attempting to speak from a position of superiority, as my experience, though painful, is very limited in comparison to what you have been through.
Your experience and your observations are very valuable, and surely you know that they may have already helped someone, somewhere to identify a wolf in sheep’s clothing in time to prevent a lot of hurt. In comparison to anything I’ve learned how to do, what you are doing is a far more positive and meaningful way to deal with the wrongs that have been done to you.
I can only hope that I will one day be over it enough that I will find a way to point myself in that direction. From my perspective, helping regular people get better at avoiding and responding to psychopathic victimization is basically a karmic middle finger to all sociopaths, and they deserve it.
Way to go.
March 31st, 2011 at 01:46
Louis,
No apology necessary. It was constructive criticism, and those little things are what makes me look deeper and write better. I’m just a “lay victim” and primarily write from one perspective, though I try to write to multiple perspectives.
I learn an abundance from comments, and it’s comments that give me to drive to continue. Like I said, I hope to hear more from you, both personally and professionally.
Thank you.
March 31st, 2011 at 04:54
Larry,
Thanks. I don’t think anyone else understands. They just saw the public persona. All my friends approved and really liked him. (They didn’t see the verbal abuse in private.) I was so star-struck and blown away by this impulsive, larger than life figure, I fell for him completely, thinking that the money was just an early inheritance so it didn’t matter really.
I shredded my will after he left. He is so stupid, if he had just stayed friends after he left, he would have been very comfortable after my death. (He is quite a lot younger than me). I was flattered that an older (quite plain) woman could get so much attention from a gorgeous ballet star! Now I can see the red flags. I remember his other ‘best friend’ giving him a Christmas card with a beautifully written note, he read it and just threw it in the bin 2 minutes later. This girl adored him and would have been completely shocked if she had known.
I feel like taking him to court to recover the debt. I really can’t afford to write it off. I have bank statements saying it was a loan. Is this crazy?
March 31st, 2011 at 11:49
Freddy,
It’s a natural response to such deception, so no, it’s not a crazy idea … but it would likely be fruitless and only cost you money. The only way you’d have a chance is if you had any sort of lease agreement or promissory note.
Words alone will not make it in court, and he will use his charming deception under oath just as he did the rest of the time. My ex perjured herself five times against me, and got way with it.
You need to look ahead, and to help with that, talk therapy and meds for depression may help give you back what this creep stole from you emotionally.
I empathize with you and wish you strength.
Thank you.
June 6th, 2011 at 03:36
WOW ~ Describes someone I know to a fault !! I find this to be very disturbing & want him to go away, but he keeps ‘showing up’ :.(
I often wonder if he will ever permanently be a part of my past and allow me to ‘LIVE’ a normal life again. (Whatever normal is & Excluding him) This isn’t going to be a joyride, nor will it be easy ~ I can feel it, and it scares me to no end, but NOT impossible !!!
I want to better understand what makes him tick, what fills his mind with constant confusion, and his erratic behavior that changes at a moments notice. Creating endless pain, angst, sadness with no rational explanation, or justification of WHY !!! AND equally important .. what if anything can help him (as well as others like him) find their way to the ‘otherside.’ To be sane ..
I am facing contending times a head, BUT I see the ‘Sunshine’.
~ Time, Courage, Strength, Follow through, The will to LIVEEE, And my children WILL help me in keeping the Faith on my journey. ~ Ya gotta believe !! Through my wisdom & determination, I will acquire the peace, solidity, and ‘freedom’ that my family and I deserve.
“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.” – Jessie Jackson
~<3~
JAS
June 8th, 2011 at 17:54
I began dating a guy (who i knew i shouldn’t) about 10 months ago. I was swept away with his sad life story, his mom passed away when he was 10 from a heroin overdose, 6 kids in the family and grew up poor, etc.
He spent 4 months in jail at the age of 17 and has 5 years probation. He was on his last strike of felony probation when he met me…He is an alcoholic and ex-coke head. I met him and took on the whole “I’ll help you” roll, he was going into rehab and a halfway house (court mandated) and i stuck it out with him to help him. He said all the right things, did all the right things, treated me like a princess. We moved in with each other after 3 months (stupid, I know) for financial reasons and we were so “in love”…THEN…one day I was helping him make a resume so he can get a job.
When I sent the email, I checked his “sent box” to see if it went through okay…and I found 2 sexually explicit emails through “craigslist” about hooking up with MEN, I immediately freaked out and confronted him, HOURS later he admitted that he had experimented sexually with men and I was hurt, didn’t know this at ALL (he is macho, played football, very masculine), and I was overall hurt that he would even post himself on craigslist or respond to ads looking for sex.
So I broke it off…for a day and took him back because he said he loved me more than anything and we could work through it. Throughout the next few months I found probably 50 messages on facebook to other girls all saying the same thing “hey your really beautiful, lets party some time”, and about 3 different sex sites he signed up for- ex.-”hornymatch.com” and one time he stole 23 of my prescribed xanax pills in exchange for 4 adderalls.
He ALWAYS begged to go out and drink, always DENIED everything and couldn’t get him to cave unless i had hard evidence. One time I tried breaking up with him and he opened my car door on the highway and stuck his head out almost grinding against the pavement, then proceeded to choke himself with my seatbelt, another time he smashed my mirror over his head 50 times and put a butcher knife to his throat.
Another time he smashed the entire back of a windsheild when he was drunk because some guy “hollered at me”, so I have spent 2 nights in the hospital for him because of his destructive behavior. I have felt empty and alone and battling how to break up with him for months. Finally he threw it over the edge the past month, spending his entire paycheck at the bar, and finally flirting with a girl infront of my face for 5 hours as i cried and begged for him to stop, he was drunk but i dont care, its NOT right.
So i kicked him out of our apartment 3 weeks ago and since then I have recieved probably close to 900 phone calls, messages, and texts saying he was going to hang himself, kill himself, drink himself to death, “on the train tracks and can hear it coming”, etc. Yet he’s out partying with his friends at night and hanging out with that girl he was flirting with.
I am SICK to my stomach, ive probably lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks, can barely sleep, started seeing a therapist, had to block his number, and his grandmas number (who hes now living with) and block him on facebook. I am SO sick of the emotional abuse, the LIES and deceit.
Last week he told me he got arrested and was probably going to jail, and I caved and talked to him….then 4 days later I found out it was all a big LIE. Unreal…is this a borderline on my hands, a sociopath? what the hell is going on and why can’t I get better and stop feeling so anxious and upset!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
I feel like I am the one going crazy
June 8th, 2011 at 18:04
Hi Jenny,
It can be scary, but you’re right: it’s not impossible (nor is it necessarily easy). Learning what makes him tick is best to do from a distance. Get him as far out of your life as you can. Change your phone numbers, email addresses, and candidly, your street address if necessary.
I have multiple states separating me from my siblings, but my ex-wife moved ten houses down the street from me, a full eight years after our divorce.
Keep focussing on that sunshine — it will eventually block out all things bad.
June 8th, 2011 at 19:02
Hurt beyond Belief,
“I feel like I am the one going crazy”
That’s a very common feeling for victims of sociopaths, and that’s how he’s controlling you.
Read what you yourself wrote about your relationship with him, and see if you can spot the manipulation — it permeates throughout your words.
Turn and run. Only you can make the decision to free yourself from his bullshit. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll see your sanity again — but you need to rid him of your life forever.
June 22nd, 2011 at 00:41
Wow!!! That is my ex to a tee…we were together for 6 and half years.
At first, he was very charming, funny, outgoing, adventurous “the life of the party.” He wanted to get married, buy a house and have the luxury life. However. he always came up with excuses on why it was a bad time to get married or buy a house…and for some unexplainable reason we never had the money available after spending months saving. Something would always come up…some expense, yet he would convince me that he had noble intentions.
Well, after the third time of him post-poning the wedding, putting off the house idea and losing his job for the 3rd time…I was very suspicious and I was considering on leaving him. It wasn’t long after that I went to speak to him at his mothers (because apparently he was suffering from depression for hitting a dog with his tractor trailer that he needed “to fix himself”) we went into his car to “discuss” what was going on with his emotional state and why he wanted time apart (because 2 days before everything was fine between us). He went from “I love you, I love you”…to “I hate you, I hate you.”
The more I told him that we can work it out…the more upset he got, but he would still say “I love you, you’re a good person, you are a beautiful intelligent woman, but you make me feel guilty. I know I told you before that YOU are the only who can make YOU feel guilty, but you make me feel guilty.”
When I agreed that the relationship was over I ask him to drive me to my friends place…he kept telling me that I never listen and that I don’t obey. At that moment I said “Well, at least I saved myself the ten dollars it would of cost me to take a cab.” That’s when he freaked and tried pushing me out of the car going 60mph on a busy road. Of course, at that point I got out of the car and he squealed off with the car almost running over a pedestrian.
Later I discovered an entire drug lab in our garage…and other evidence hidden in the house (including small baggies, hidden bloody tissue pieces, pay stubs, unrecognizable phone numbers – not in his handwriting)…He cleaned out my bank account and took as much as he could from me…left without even saying goodbye to my daughter who is 7 years (he even had her calling him daddy) “How naive was I…lol”
So I disconnected my phone and left no evidence on where I am living now.
It has been 2 months since our relationship ended…and he already has a new victim in his clutches. He also moved 3 blocks away from me and I am concerned. I definitely will never go back and there is absolutely no contact. But he is a little too close to me for my comfort.
June 22nd, 2011 at 17:00
Sleeping with one eye open,
Welcome. Among everything else, it hurts losing all those years, doesn’t it? Beyond avoiding this guy forever, your #1 responsibility, going forward, is you and your daughter.
It may be very difficult to see what this has done to your daughter on the surface, so therapy may help. I did that for my son, as he was at an age (5 at the time) where I could see the toll it was taking.
I recommend that you keep reading about the disorders to help you understand even more. I also suggest that you write your own journal of the events, as that helps to place random pieces of the puzzle together that you would likely have otherwise never connected. I say that from experience.
I wish you the best. Thanks for sharing.
August 14th, 2011 at 18:23
A story from a girl duped and now facing potential ruin…
In the Fall of 2007 I met a man I fell for hook, line, and sinker. Our pre-sex relationship for the first month was intense and passionate so when it came time for me to disclose that I had herpes and take the next step, I was nervous yet hopeful. My hopes were fulfilled. He accepted me immediately even though he did not share my condition.
Over the next month, we took every precaution. Showers before and after, condoms, medication. We were having a great time… and then he told me that he contracted it. We were both devastated but knew the risks, so with nothing to be done about it we continued our relationship and after two years decided to live together. During that time he was becoming close friends with a co-worker and fellow band mate.
This co-worker was pushing 50 (my boyfriend was 36 at the time), a semi-successful musician in the 80′s, from a wealthy and famous family, was staggeringly intelligent and well read, and had ties to people I knew back home from my past. Strangely, he lived in a hovel and was a filthy person. However, he was charming, funny, outgoing, and seemed to treat my boyfriend well so it was all good, right? WRONG.
How could I have known that when he finally met one of my best friends and asked her out, that he would be rejected by her after only two dates and repay her with over two years of stalking and torment. My boyfriend and I had to listen to incessant stories of how she was an evil bitch who only wanted ‘boys’ and how he was a ‘real man’. One minute saying he was in love with her and the next tearing her apart, saying she was hideous and worthless. He didn’t keep any of that to himself either and told anyone who would listen in an attempt to destroy her reputation. Thankfully, it didn’t take.
Fast forward two years from that introduction and I had heard just about enough when he started laying into me about my friends because they didn’t warn his ex-wife about the man she was seeing… who he thought was bad for her. We had it out that night in a bar, screaming at each other only inches from each others’ faces until finally the bar owner kicked him out for threatening me. Keep in mind that I am female, 5’1″ and 130lbs and he is 6’7″ and about 250 and sadly, I still did not recognize at this point that he was a psycho.
Here’s where things began to go wrong. My boyfriend, whom I loved and I thought loved me, at least it was what I was told, did absolutely nothing to break up this ‘fight’. He did absolutely nothing about it afterwards either and acted as though nothing happened. I told him that this co-worker was no longer allowed in our home if I was going to be there.
A couple weeks later I come home from work and he is there. I went to my room and fumed for about two hours, texting my boyfriend the entire time in an attempt to get him to make him leave. He did nothing. Finally, I decided that I wasn’t going to be a prisoner in my own home so I went out and announced that to both of them and just dealt with it. A few hours later we fought again in my kitchen and when my boyfriend tried to stop it, he was literally thrown across the room, his body much smaller than this co-workers’, sending him crashing into the counter, meanwhile this maniacs gaze never left mine.
After he finally left, I lost it. I laid into my boyfriend for falling for that man’s bullshit. The next day and everyday after that, our relationship was never the same. My boyfriend blamed ME for what happened and completely ignored the fact that not only did this man verbally threaten me and put himself in my personal space to antagonize me, he also humiliated and physically abused him. In that moment, I lost all respect for my boyfriend and our relationship deteriorated quickly. We broke up a year later, last April.
When I left, out of concern for my boyfriend whom I still blindly loved, I showed him the clinical definition of a psycho/sociopath and warned him about this co-worker/friend. I honestly feared for my boyfriend’s safety if he remained friends with this person. However, I am only now beginning to believe that my boyfriend is one of his minions, a deciple if you will, and quite possibly bordering on this condition as well.
He has shown absolutely no remorse or sadness for the loss of our 3.5 year relationship. When I moved out I did so in an attempt to start again and give each other space. He was never mean to me during our relationship… he was emotionally void. When I told him that what I wanted out of a relationship was respect, love, passion and inclusion in his life, he actually said that he could never be that for me and was unwilling to get counseling. During the months that followed he never contacted me once. I am convinced he has no soul.
Here is why I think I might be facing ruin….
The other night I decided to go out alone. I was at a bar chatting up a guy for a few hours and we were hitting it off. We made a plan to go back to his place to hang out and possibly make out… which was all I was really ready for after what I had been through. Next thing I know, someone grabs my ass. I turn around and it’s the co-worker, smiling at me like he always did when he wanted his ego stroked. I ignored him and turned back toward my ‘date’ and told him that he was a psycho and that I couldn’t stand him. About an hour later, co-worker pushes me out of the way and tells my date that I have herpes.
I just stood there in shock. Mostly because the only way he could have known was if my boyfriend told him. I always disclose before sex and wasn’t even planning to go there and I just could not believe it. WHO DOES THAT????? My date and I stood there in uncomfortable silence for a moment and then he said, “Now I can see why you hate him. Shall we go to my place?” Thank god for gentlemen. For REAL men.
The next day I called my ex and told him what happened and he goes, “Uh, ya? What do you want me to do about it?” and laid into him for telling this guy about me and he says, “I didn’t tell him about you, I told him about me.” Yeah right. What a fucking bastard. It was in that moment that I realized that he might be a sociopath as well.
Here is my dilemma. I already know from my experience with that SOB and my best friend that he is telling anyone who will listen all about ‘me’ and how I GAVE this to my ex. I’m also willing to bet he doesn’t even know that my ex agreed to sleep with me after disclosure. I bet that little bit of information was conveniently left out. And… now that I am reading all this scary shit about vengeance, I feel completely powerless. AND since what he is saying about me is actually true, it’s not libelous. I feel like the only way to beat him at his game is to announce to the whole world that I have herpes and beat him to the punch!!!
Please tell me what to do!!
August 14th, 2011 at 19:31
Hello M.
Wow. Your story provides little doubt in my mind that you are in a bad place. I’m so sorry. I have some questions:
1) When “he” said he contracted herpes, did he show you the outbreak? Since I’m fairly sure someone with herpes can feel an outbreak before it appears, did he ever question any aspect of herpes between the time you told him about you, and the time he announced he was positive?
2) Have you ever considered that he was positive for herpes when you first met? In as much, he could have used it to manipulate you (e.g., make you feel badly; make him look very sensitive and understanding, etc.).
I have more to think about.
“Please tell me what to do!!”
Initial response: move far away and become invisible. If they cannot find you or contact you, they’ll eventually forget you.
August 15th, 2011 at 11:37
1) a: Yes, he showed me but it was very insignificant. Looked more like a small zit. Typically, but not always, the first outbreak is very noticeable and very intense and they mellow out as time goes on. We went to the doc for a Western Blot and he was positive but the test does not tell you how long a person has had it. There is a different test for that but I already dropped $120 for this one and didn’t care about it enough to know.
b: When I sat him down and told him I had it I gave him a medical pamphlet and then gave him the opportunity to ask me questions. I don’t recall very many questions being asked. He is a very intelligent person… special schools… blah blah blah. So, I didn’t think twice about it.
Also, to note, my ex-husband took 6 years to contract it from me and the boyfriend after him (and before this one) took 4 years. I think that also speaks volumes, however this virus is very unpredictable so there’s no right or wrong.
2) I absolutely considered it. Every time a man who says he doesn’t have it and agrees to sleep with me without much consideration for the risk always brings this question to my mind. There is such a stigma attached to it that most people are terrified. Maybe the fact that he didn’t seem fazed by it is indicative of sociopathy??
I wont move away. I am secure enough in my sexuality to deal with the exposure because I have had it for so long. I just want to know how to stop him from doing this. It’s not his place to disclose on my behalf. I considered doing the same to him as a retort if it ever happened again… because I know a few potentially humiliating things about him as well. But then got freaked out when I read about all the revenge and stuff.
Also, you said you were ‘fairly’ certain about aspects of this condition so here’s a mini education for you and your readers about this condition:
Herpes is silent in 3 out of 5 people infected with it, but can still be passed on. One in 5 sexually active people have it. That is why it is such a common condition. Cold sores are the same virus as genital herpes and outbreaks manifest the exact same way down south as they do on the face. Someone with cold sores can give their partner genital herpes via oral sex and vice versa and sores do not have to be present to do so, although oral to genital transmission is far less common.
I have had it for 20 years and haven’t had ‘prodromal’ symptoms for over 15. I get an outbreak like once a year and it’s for like a day and then it’s gone. So far, I’ve only experienced genital outbreaks. So, for me, I almost never know when I am contagious. I disclose because I respect the people I meet and honestly the stigma attached to it is ridiculous. Athlete’s foot is worse than herpes.
I have other friends who have this and choose to never disclose. It’s a constant dilemma because most people who have this have no clue where it came from. If you are sexually active, you are at risk, condoms provide little or no protection, and the older you get the more likely you are to have been exposed.
August 15th, 2011 at 12:49
Please allow me to clarify my “move away” suggestion … it had nothing to do with your sexuality. You came across as brave, confident, and secure with who you are, and what you have. The “move away” suggestion was for you to get far away from these leaches to keep them from sucking the emotional life out of you.
Regarding both #1 and #2: my questions were some of the first thoughts that hit me, based on my own personal experience. Many years ago, I had been dating a very nice lady, and when it became more serious, she did what you did and came right out with it. I’m highly intelligent, attended private prep schools, yadda, yadda, but I didn’t do what he did. I couldn’t stop asking questions.
Every answer she gave me initiated a new question. I never had any reason to know about it (me thinks) so I was fairly ignorant of it until it faced me. My gut tells me that he had it long before he met you, was not intending to tell you, and when you came forward, he took the opportunity to make himself look like a very compassionate and understanding guy. It’s part of that psychopathic manipulation and pathological lying.
I believe you also said that the outbreaks get smaller as time goes on, and your first line said it was “very insignificant”. Wouldn’t that provide even more credence that he had herpes for a much longer time than he said? What I am attempting to do is establish that he was lying to you from the very beginning, and if I’m correct, how does that affect everything else he said to you?
Do you feel he was living a lie?
“I just want to know how to stop him from doing this.”
And above all else, that’s the most difficult part. There is no systematic procedure that will result in his disappearance. To him, you are a traitor. You know things about him he doesn’t want public. So he turns to what I call offensive-revenge.
He will try to destroy your character to keep people from listening to you, even though you likely would have no desire to talk about him. But his fear is likely driven by his own paranoia. I live very far away from the evil-majority in my life, with many states between us; except for my ex-wife, who lives on the same street as I. But since my kids are adults, she’s a non-issue.
Staying in the same town, if that is your choice, means you’ll need to be prepare to deal with them for a much longer time … and they hold the clock. Avoid them the best you can. Change you phone numbers, email address, and even move to the other side of town if you can. Separating yourself from them is your most powerful weapon.
August 16th, 2011 at 01:14
Thanks for the clarification and for the advice… this is all new. I’ve only been broken up since April and I only just realized these two men were conspiring against me last weekend, so I’ll keep ya posted.
Do you think I should tell our mutual friends? It just seems so weird, and petty to even bring it up! God, I can’t stand this juvenile bullshit!
August 16th, 2011 at 11:16
Glad to be of assistance.
I would imagine that they have already begun brainwashing your mutual friends. It’s hard to say what to do. If some of them are very close friends to you, I’d suggest meeting with them face-to-face (e.g., over lunch) and be prepared as to what you’re going to say.
Hang in there, M.
August 18th, 2011 at 23:54
A friend of mine just happened to run into him that very night shortly after I left and he told her about it. She called him an asshole and he laughed. Thought it was funny. Nice, huh?
August 19th, 2011 at 00:17
Two things hit me:
1) That woman is a real friend of yours.
2) He’s truly evil (which “he” was it?)
August 19th, 2011 at 10:30
He is my ex’s coworker and best friend.
August 19th, 2011 at 16:28
Do you believe your ex is capable of the same thing?
August 23rd, 2011 at 01:20
no. i think he’s too chicken shit to do something so low… he’ll just allow his friend to do it for him.
August 23rd, 2011 at 20:57
if you try to move on.. example deleting the person from social sites and stuff.. won’t they notice there’s something fishy going on ? Isn’t it better to just leave them there ?
Question 2. If by time the person comes back again.. not knowing I know they’re a sociopath.. and I ignore them.. won’t they know I know ? Won’t it make it worse?
August 24th, 2011 at 02:24
K,
You ask good questions, but you don’t provide enough history of the relationship. Hence, one can only speculate (i.e., speculate less than typical speculation).
The best way, in general, to get a psychopath out of your life is to cut off all contact. If they have tons of friends on their virtual friends list, they may never notice you dropped off … at the very least, they are not notified.
Beginning to blatantly ignoring someone, anyone, is going to be obvious to them. Every person is different, but in general, the ignoring should begin slowly and done with a smile.
You must think through the person you’re dealing with, and practice your potential interactions with them alone — be prepared — knowing how they may react to rejection, and how you will react to that.
There’s no easy answer, other than you do not want a known sociopath to be in your life.
August 24th, 2011 at 14:35
Thank you .. it was really helpful, however I have one last question .. since this is a disease, are they willingly acting the way they act or not ?
August 24th, 2011 at 15:14
K,
Relating to your earlier question: I just became aware that on Facebook, you can hide anyone’s feed without de-friending them. If you feel uncomfortable about blocking someone, you can begin by blocking their ramblings from showing up on your home page. This is done by using the “X” (drop-down menu) on the right of one of their posts. Select “Hide all by *username*” and their posts will stop appearing for you. They will still see yours, though.
In general, a psychopath does not believe there’s anything wrong with them, but on the contrary, they feel superior to others. They have a public persona in addition to their real personality.
The persona is all an act, since they teach themselves how to manipulate others for their own narcissistic goals. They learn to replicate other people’s behavior. Their personality is who they really are, and it usually has no resemblance to their persona.
It’s from their personality that they will target innocent people; it’s when their evil side comes out. You will realize just how convincing their act is once you see their real personality.
August 24th, 2011 at 15:18
Hi Larry,
I just removed her from facebook because we weren’t actually talking during this period and it didn’t affect her as much it seems, because she did nothing. Hmm I see.. thank you a lot for the information it was very precious to me and helped me a lot !! xx
August 24th, 2011 at 15:26
You’re welcome. I wish you continued good luck.
August 29th, 2011 at 13:56
Wow, am I glad I found this website today.
I may soon have an opportunity to get back into a business I was banished from over 10 years ago. My first 2 years there, I was the business’s top sales person though I received no credit, as I am female and it was company policy to abuse all women. Virtually every related business in this area knew our company HATED women.
The owner at the time was a sociopath. I had prior dealings with a sociopath in college as I unfortunately actually dated my stalker for three months. What I was not prepared for was the immediate supervisor that I was assigned to who viciously abused me at every opportunity. He eventually intentionally screwed up two of my projects and then called me in and fraudulently fired me for his screw-ups. I could have easily proven his actions at the time, but I would have been reporting to the owner/sociopath so it would have accomplished nothing.
A year or two later the owner/sociopath died (good riddance!!!) But it took another 10 years for the company to rid themselves of the supervisor. I prefer to refer to him as a “mentally retarded white-trash fraud” as he is mentally incapable of performing any job function required in this particular industry, on any level, and he has regularly screamed at high priority customers that they are G.D.M.F.’s, when they have become unhappy with his fraudulent job performance.
Sexual discrimination is no longer such an extreme issue at the company. Women have made it into management. the company is now national.
After reading up on sociopathy, I am now starting to realize that this supervisor may also be a sociopath, or has at least picked up on some of the traits of the former owner. The unfortunate part of this is that he is now working for a competitve firm in the same industry, and if I get the job I am going after, he will be my direct competition.
These are some things that I am certain are true:
When he first became my boss, he was TERRIFIED of me! He would literally shake as if he were about to pee himself, he was incapable of making eye contact with me, and he would nervously rip paperclips and ink pens to shreads while we spoke. This all made me very nervous as I couldn’t understand why this man that everyone else seemed to like and respect was so consumed with fear of me! Eventually I came to know that on the days he could calmly look me in the eye and speak to me, it was because he had intentionally sabotaged some of my work and was so proud of himself!!
My IQ is DEFINITELY at least 20 to 30 points higher than his. When I call him mentally retarded, I am not being facetious- he literally must study ahead of time in order to conduct a conversation in his field if he hasn’t had to speak on the subject before. He uses what little intellect he has to manipulate and abuse those around him. This site seems to focus on the smartest of sociopaths. The ones that aren’t so smart, are in prison. This man IS NOT one of the smart ones.
He has publically verbally, professionally and sexually slandered me at a HUGE industry convention, which resulted in almost everyone in the industry realizing his sub-human status. The outpouring of concern and support I received after this incidence was amazing! I have not been professionally hurt by this.
Both he and I have always known that if I could receive a position that allows me to function in our industry I will be able to expose him by doing nothing more than my job. When he slandered me at the convention it was because he thought the company I had gone to work for was going to allow me that opportunity. He simply didn’t realize that my new company HATED women even more. (I live in an area of abusive redneck, white-trash garbage and the State of Tennessee encourages the abuse of women in the workplace via its redneck interpretations of its “right-to-work” laws. This can be confirmed via any Tennessee attorney!)
In a perfect world this scummy, subhuman would drop dead tomorrow and allow me to earn a decent living for the first time in a decade. Or I would be allowed to exterminate him like the cockroach he is, but this world is not perfect and I will be required to compete against him. After my prior experience with him I truly feel capable of exterminating him – if it weren’t for that pesky business of his being classified human and extermination being illegal and all…its a dog eat dog business and I’m more than ready to chow down! Like many on this site, I am no longer a slave to all of my emotions – I have taken on some of the traits of my abuser.
I know I’m in for a fight, but my cat died a few weeks ago, so he won’t be able to break into my house and torture it to death. I have access to a weapon to protect myself and will be taking shooting lessons to go with it, so understand I am not underestimationg the vorasity of his torturous behavior. Can you recommend any additional reading on this subject that I might find helpful? I want to be as prepared as possible.
The work I will be doing is my true passion. I love it and I excel at it. It has only been in the last year or so that I have been able to work my way up from the poverty I have existed in for most of the last decade ($11000 to $12000/year) to $25,000 a year at a job I HATE. I want to go back to what I love, and the additional bonus is that I will be earning $150,000 to $250,000 a year. So now you understand it is greed that drives the sub-human cockroach, not passion for the industry.
Any further reading information/preparation would be GREATLY appreciated!!!
August 30th, 2011 at 23:52
It’s been three months since I broke up with my sociopath. Except for one or two slip-ups I have managed to avoid contacting him. I met him about six months after my husband left me and I fell deeply in love. I’ll call him C. I am 41 years old so I was not expecting to fall in love. I was not expecting to feel things I had never felt in my life before. I was completely infatuated.
Over a year and a half I started to notice weird things about him, things that later showed up on any number of checklists for sociopathy. He also lived with a follower–an ex-girlfriend who was still in love with him and let her live in her house despite the risk to her marriage. In the guise of a helpful friend she told me about all the dreadful things he had done to her and to other ex-girlfriends. She was obviously trying to drive us apart: even though she was married she preferred C. to be single so she could still “have” him in some way. It was she who told me that C. had gotten her and another girlfriend pregnant–meanwhile he’d told me that he had never had unprotected sex.
I won’t get into everything I did for C. or the lengths to which I went to protect him from the results of his own wicked deeds. The things he did to me are textbook so I won’t list them here. The last straw came when he blatantly showed every sign that he was cheating on me and called me crazy and paranoid when I confronted him.
I want him out of my head. I want to stop loving him, or the him I thought I was. Like Louis, who has posted before, I feel that my range and depth of emotions have been limited by this experience. I don’t care for any of the things I used to. I’ve struggled with depression all my life and I’m familiar with the symptoms, but it’s never been like this. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t feel that I can love anyone else, and this makes me sad as I am a person who is normally happier with a relationship than without one. I gave everything in me to someone who proved to be utterly unworthy of it. I felt the most intense love and commitment of a lifetime for someone who is capable of the most refined cruelties.
As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression I protest the idea that sociopathy is a disease or a mental illness. If there is such a thing as a soul, sociopaths are simply born without them. They are certainly born without those qualities that make the rest of us human, however flawed and even warped.
The hardest thing is not being able to talk about it. The majority of people, even people who never met him, don’t believe me. They think that I am just dramatizing a bad breakup. Perhaps I would once have the same thing if someone else told me about a similar experience, but I know better now. I told my mother about him and because he never physically hurt me or stole from me she said I was lucky that I had gotten away without anything terrible happening to me. But something terrible did happen to me.
I do want to hurt him, and I know the only way to hurt a sociopath is to expose him. I can’t expose him for his sociopathy (too hard to prove, and his disciples are Legion), but I know something that could make him lose his job and prevent him from getting another job in his field (he is a social worker, working with vulnerable teens). It’s a matter of public record–a criminal record– he has just “neglected” to tell his employers about it. It would be a simple matter of printing out the record from the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension. It’s the only thing that would make him feel something akin to pain. He doesn’t deserve my compassion or my mercy, any more than he deserved my love. As for revenge being bad for my soul, I feel so damaged by this relationship I don’t see how bringing him to justice could make me feel any worse than I do already.
September 20th, 2011 at 13:47
I reconnected with an old college flame. We were both married.
He swept me off my feet like nobody had ever done. Over the time span of about 9 months I started noticing that his letters and words did not meet his actions and visible emotions. I caught him lying about almost everything. He also seemed to have zero guilt or remorse for the pain he was causing his family or mine. I started to realize that he was no good.
Luckily we were in a long distnace relationship and I wasn’t able to give him what he “needed”…therefore he got bored with me and ended the relationship. I have not heard from him in months. I am so glad that I figured this out and that he feels he let me go.
Do you think I have anything to worry about?? I do not feel he will ever contact me again.
September 20th, 2011 at 13:57
Hi Maw,
I think you are one of the lucky ones, both for seeing through his persona, and being far away. Especially considering the distance, my instinct is that you will probably never hear from him again. But since they are very unpredictable and deceptive, be prepared in case he does contact you.
September 22nd, 2011 at 13:48
Thanks Larry! I really enjoyed reading through your website. I really do feel like one of the lucky ones. I really just feel bad for his wife and kids. She is so blind.
September 26th, 2011 at 01:01
I don’t know why it hurts so bad… its just horrific how people are ignorant… and they are not brave… sociopaths bring out the worst in people and channel it towards a target… some people really aren’t intuitive at all… I always knew this one person was a sociopath… and they knew I thought there was something wrong with them… I’m blessed with a great intuition. But there are some things you just never want to know… I think many victims of sociopaths are intuitive… and the sociopath can read that kind of personality…
But why does it hurt and scar? To see all the stupidity, cowardice, and fear amongst “normal” people…. its horrifying I guess…
September 28th, 2011 at 21:56
Kendra,
I’m not sure where you are going with this comment, but you seem to be chastising the victims … if so, I don’t believe you get it.
October 2nd, 2011 at 13:33
Unfortunately, I am involved in a custody suit and he has snared my ex-husband to use against me. It makes me question my sanity.
October 3rd, 2011 at 00:17
As I have read through these blogs about other people’s encounters with sociopaths I see bits of my own experiences. I am devastated both emotionally and financially by the sociopath that found me on a well known internet website dating site.
I was ripe for the encounter and he knew it. I had lost my husband three years before and was so lonely. He registered with a fake name, lied repeatedly on the mile long personality profile. Romanced me for three months by phone, emails and he sent gifts. I finally insisted that we meet in person. By then I was so totally taken in by this man with his smooth lies. On the surface his stories looked and sounded real. He was a widower himself, had a Art Gallery and a big house with two teenage children that were going off to boarding school soon. I meet his mother and children he told them we were to be married. In fact he told everyone that he introduced me to that it was a miracle that he met me. He gained my trust.
With every red flag he had an explanation and at the time each seemed plausible. We made plans to sell our houses, his gallery and live in Italy for a year. I moved in with him. Sold my two houses and began to plan a wedding. It was all so romantic, for almost two years.
I found out that he used many fake names and had two older children from a former marriage. He did not actually own the business or his big house, his mother did. His mother and accountant knew of course but did not tell me. By then, I had LOANED him a lot of money. I had loaned the gallery money too at his insistence that this was a GOOD PLACE FOR MY MONEY.
Although I had sold my homes, somehow he was not “able” to sell his (the market was down) so he was always short on cash. I ended up paying for ALL HIS AND THE CHILDREN’s LIVING EXPENSES. This was draining my resources but each time I brought it up he went into his mode of lies about how we were a family and he needed my help. AND ALWAYS SAID that he would pay me back…. it never happened.
I have lost everything.
I feel as though my life has been stolen. I have no money and now am dependent on my sons. Before I escaped I found out that he uses different names, social security numbers, owes hundreds of thousands of dollars to the IRS and has been involved many law suits. I did not understand or see what he was doing until it was too late.
When I went into the hospital for a knee replacement surgery, he spent all the money that was left and charged thousands on my credit cards. I am deeply in debt. His entire family knows what he did to me and even participated in the lies. His mother is probably a sociopath as well. I stayed five years. I just walked out one day in May. I will never be the same. He told me that he was tried for murder in LA.
He was surprised and so angry that I left he threatened to have me disappear. He says he will never give up. He has told everyone that will listen what a monster I AM. His lies will bury him I hope. I plan to fight him. He is EVIL and vindictive and needs to be stopped.
I am not the only person he has used this way.
October 6th, 2011 at 08:46
I am using every bit of strength I have to keep my head above water. I have stood up to him and I am still standing up to him but each and every single day he is throwing more than one issue at me.
He has gathered many many people to be his followers as they believe his lies and actually all hate me and they don’t even know me. Most have only met him recently (so I believed). I have never met anyone like this and I feel that I am running for my life with my son in my arms and my mother at my side.
I pray to the Lord and hold my head high despite what is being said by him and his peeps. I am a good person who met lucifer here on earth. : (
Pray for me and I will pray for you.
October 8th, 2011 at 22:59
I have a baby with a sociopath. He dumped me 2 days after we found out…even though we got pregant on purpose. Throughout the pregnancy he and his girlfriend harassed me. He was living with me, living with her, getting into trouble for fighting and drinking. After I had the baby, I moved back to my home state to be with my family. I continued to give him chance after chance to step up to the plate. He has always maintained he hates the state people, as he grew up in foster care, so I’ve tried to avoid it. I did file in my home state, but it literally took 9 months to get nothing, so the issue was avoided.
He moved to another state in March and convinced me to move so he could finally be a father. My daughter was 9 months old. We have been here for a month and a half and still he has not seen her. He refused to help with daycare costs as he promised. He almost caused me to lose my job the one time he agreed to watch her (with a babysitter present) and called and cancelled 10 minutes after I was supposed to be there and refused to help me pay for a babysitter or find one. He also just lost his job last week. He has been telling me he cannot afford to pay for daycare and acting like he had to hock a TV in order to pay me less then half the cost for the month. He is also telling me he has not received a paycheck in 4 weeks.
I do believe he knows I have spoken with his employers, who have confirmed he is making WAY, WAY more money then he is saying and just received a large commission check when he was fired…just a few days ago. As well as another commission check and a regular paycheck in the last 4 weeks.
I have finally lost my patience and I’m doing what I should have done months ago. I’m filing for state child support, but now that I’ve figured out what this guy really is, I’m near him and I’m afraid he will see my filing for child support as ruining his life or punishing him. He has called very angry several time (furious, really) saying that if I file, he will make my life miserable.
I also found out from his previous employers that they received child support paperwork and he convinced them that he and I had settled through a lawyer and they could ignore the paperwork. They never received any more notices, so they assumed he was telling the truth. They have apologized profusely and offered to help in any way. I am scared of crossing this guy, yet I am tired of not standing up to him. I’m 95% sure he is a sociopath.
He lies about EVERYTHING…where he went to dinner, how much a pack of gum cost. He doesn’t care what he does to people…he screws over everyone, usually has 3 girlfriends at a time, has been in trouble for drugs, fighting, drinking and now embezzlement. He has completely disregarded his daughter and has no regrets about it whatsoever. Unbelievable to read the stories. I, like many of you, feel like I will never be the same person.
What he’s done to me has scared my soul.
October 9th, 2011 at 12:29
I wrote the above when I was very sleepy last night, so I should add a few things.
He HATES, HATES, HATES that I am in contact with people who are part of his life. I have become good (telephone/email) friends with his ex-gf of 3-years, among others. He frequently accuses me of having contact with people he knows (usually current gf’s) or telling all my co-workers he is a deadbeat dad, when I haven’t.
Extreme paranoia about people he knows in one aspect of his life having access to another part of his life. i.e He set me up at a hotel when I was looking for a place here and was very upset to know that I had told the bartenders we had a child together. Would not hire a guy for a sales position, because the guy’s brother was the owner of the condo complex he lived in.
I also have reason to believe he recently purchased an unlicensed gun. Let me make it clear, he has not been to my house (at least not that I know) since I move here over a month ago. As I said earlier, but did not elaborate, I think -no…I KNOW… he KNOWS I’ve had discussions with his employer and I think he knows I know he’s lying about his pay and I KNOW he knows I’ve had my fill and am going for child support.
I emailed him the day after he skipped out on me and told him I was going to. But he doesn’t call me on it directly. He has asked if he should ask for a receipt for the cash he gave me for daycare and when I said that I would ask for a receipt for anything I paid in cash, he asked why he would need one. And as I said several paragraphs before, he doesn’t like when I meddle in his business…so I am worried this is the calm before the storm. He is withholding his knowing and staying away so he can scare the living shit out of me later.
I am planning to talk to my neighbors and make them aware that I am frightened of him and ask them to contact me if they ever notice his big, shiny, noticeable vehicle around the area. I will no longer hesitate to call the police and have him trespassed if he shows up unannounced.
October 10th, 2011 at 06:52
[@ Truvy …]
Keep your eye’s open and watch your back at all times. I do believe it is in your best interest to let a trustworthy person know of your fears for your safety and your life (including your baby) but choose the people you speak to wisely. I believe the less said to others, the better off you will be.
October 10th, 2011 at 07:39
[@ Truvy …]
One more thing that I would like to suggest….
Keep your ears open and your mouth shut as you listen to him or others. It is really amazing the things you can find out and the things that you will now know are definately not the words or persons that you should be talking too.
My husband never does anything without a reason. There is always something much greater in his plan than appears to the normal human mind and eye. Here’s a little more advice from a person who cares, is there and is wearing the t-shirt with my life jacket on.
November 3rd, 2011 at 14:46
Becca’s advice is good. Most people don’t believe you if you tell them, anyways. They’re only too happy to tell you that the problem is your attitude: you need to stop focusing on the negative. Keep your eyes open and watch your back at all times, indeed! Only those who have lived it can understand this.
November 4th, 2011 at 23:08
i am so glad i found this site. i am going thru hell with a sibling.
i fear for my life. he is so evil i cannot believe it. its so true about them having disciples. i always knew he was evil and a pathological liar. each day he’s another profession.
cant stay with a job.he put both of my parents in a nursing home and deemed one incompetent by his md friends. this person is far from incompetent.
there is a lot of money involved. im terrified he will kill my parents and me to get all of their money. his latest was he burglarized their home stole expensive items and blamed me. hes already been to our home and did something but i cant put it down because he will know.
he had this whole thing planned to get rid of my parents,he staged their house for when the lawyers looked at the house.it was a mess.when i left it was as neat as a pin. my parents are very old and i fear for them even though they r in a nursing home.mom told me he terrorizes her as she lays in her bed.
he has POA for everything. what can i do please help .he has everyone on his side. it is a nightmare.i know u said run dont walk away -but how can i?? he has to be stopped..
November 5th, 2011 at 00:51
@ Nitemares …
I feel your helplessness, and I wish I could offer some help, but I wouldn’t know where to begin. You probably should get an attorney, too. And a very caring psychologist. Knowledge is power, learn as much as you can.
You may also be able to get a restraining order to keep him away from your folks if they are willing to go along with it. It would at least give you all a little peace.
November 10th, 2011 at 15:23
I’m not sure why you would be asking for a website. That would lead them right to the person who left the comment. I’m not sure how old this website is but I am compelled to share my story as well. I hope I don’t make it to long. I will try and just toss out the facts and not worry about my writing skills and grammar.
Falling in love with a sociopath is the most horrific slow torturous death one could ever pose on another person. You want to get revenge on someone. Set them up with a sociopath but not even my worst not evil enemy I could do that too. It is nothing less then a living nightmare.
The magnet that keeps pulling you in makes you slowly go insane. You are aware that you are committing suicide every time you are with him. The more it hurts the stronger you hold on. You know your death is near and you welcome it just so the madness will stop. The emotional manipulation is like nothing other in this world. You are a sane normal person who maybe grew up with a little bit of abuse so you naturally over look what others would be shocked at.
You are able to make excesses easily because its starts off slow and its not anything you haven’t already been through before. But the peak of your worst abusive experience in your past is what the starting point of his abuse is. He waited long enough to get you completely in love and blind. Making you think you are the only woman in the world and he worships you. You are everything to him but in all realty you are nothing to him. Just something to parasite off of for as long as you can uphold it.
Just as you are about to break on every level possible he pushes just a little more before he leaves you cold and dry. You are emotionally destroyed, you are now bankrupt, physical you are worn and you look like hell, your health is weakend and you metal state is unstable. You have lost your job and all your friends too. Your family thinks you have gone over the deep end and they don’t know what to do. You have up until this point pushed away any attempt they have made to help you so as to now they have exhausted all their efforts and have just walked away.
You can ever be certain that its him any more cuz now you think its really all you now. You are the one who’s crazy and out of control. He leaves you now with nothing and completely broken. No one left in your life to reach out to. The insanity you were living in has ran everyone away. Not only that he has everyone thinking your now addicted to drug or your bipolar and out of your mind. He has the whole town everyone you have known all you life thinking you’re sick on drugs or insane.
That and or evil doing him all the wrong. In the dark cuz the light now hurts your eyes. You don’t dare pass a mirror cuz you wouldn’t recognize yourself any more. You are worthless unworthy of anyone’s help. So you don’t even try. Months go by and you are thinner then you have ever been lack of money and food. He waited until your last penny was spent before he left you. You are just starting to pull yourself up of the floor months after he had left you and he shows up again. Proclaiming his deepest love for you.
By the grace of God a year or so of back and forth you find the strength to deny him a return back into your life. Remember he was your soul mate. For the first time in you entire life you know what it means to truly fall in love head over heals in love. Just letting go of your dream is hard enough but he makes it hurt as much as he can as your trying to pull free. Calling you up to remind you of his love for you. Showing up at your door with flowers begging you for another chance. This is after he had already left you now mind you..
You deny him but as he has no choice but to walk away and leave you fallen to the floor in grief. Nothing in your entire life has ever been harder. If you let him back he will finish you off completely to your death. You know if you let him back in he will complete the job. As he leaves he’s screaming for the world to hear that he loves and how can you be so mean. He gave you everything his whole heart and soul.
He’s willing to die for you and the evil you can’t find it in your heart to forgive him and give him one more try. This goes on for about a year or so. Then its goes down to just phone calls. Then the phones calls are about once every six month to eventually once a year or so. You have no desire to even look at another man again. The very slightest mistake one would make would push you over the deep end and you would kill him. You know this about yourself so the thought of ever being with another man isn’t even a consideration.
You have nothing left inside to give anyone anyway. You are done spent empty. The only hope you hold inside is making it through another day not having to see or hear from him. I’m 39 years old and I will never love again the way I loved my sociopath. No matter how lonely, desperately lonely I am in side I lack any motivation to get dressed and try and date. Regardless of how many men I surprisely have dropping at my feet. I don’t see how these men can’t see the hollow emptiness that is in me. I almost get angry at their advances. Don’t they see I’m spent empty. There is nothing left and it’s been 3 years since he walked out my door the last time and its been since this last Easter when I got my last phone call.
Hi everyone, I’m Anonymous and I fell in love with a sociopath..
November 10th, 2011 at 17:14
@ Anonymous …
Please help me understand your first paragraph, especially the first two sentences. I can answer the question in the third sentence: this site went online in August 2009. It was my second attempt to tell my story. When my sister discovered the first site I published, the consequences were immediate. I didn’t make that mistake again. You can read about that here.
Your story simply grips me. In a relatively short amount of space, you defined very clearly what it’s like being tricked into falling in love with a sociopath. Once they know they have you where they want you, they play you and use you for their narcissistic goals. It is all about them. But when they see they’ve gone too far, how quickly they revert back to the “I love you” deception. We’re like marionettes. They often make us believe it’s we who are losing our minds.
Probably the majority of those commenting on this site, as well as I, fell head-over-heals for a sociopath. Some are faced with sociopaths in the workplace (I look back and see I was, too). Others deal with family members who are sociopaths (for me, that’s three-for-three).
I stopped dating some years ago, about the time I shockingly realized that the “bad gene” was in my family, too. No matter what anyone says, trust is no longer taken for granted.
My divorce was in 1995. I was granted full custody of my two toddlers. That’s when I began studying psychology, specifically the areas that affected my ex. And that’s how I discovered my dad and siblings were all mentally ill, and with the encouragement of my ex, they have successfully decimated my character. My sister even teamed up with my ex to take my kids from me.
Hang in there. Take each day at a time. They will slowly get better. Please write more if you’d like.
November 10th, 2011 at 23:47
@Anon…gave me chills at how dead on that was Even though my sociopath was done with me the second he got me pregnant, he came back time and time again…for a minute, for an hour, half a day…just to keep the hope alive in me that we would be a family. The mental anguish is indescribable. I cried nearly every single day from the time I got pregnant to the time my daughter was about 10 months old. There was perhaps 4 or 5 days during that time that I didn’t cry or sob or was completely unfunctional because of how worthless and useless and disgusting he had made me feel. Now it’s about half that…healing happens…however so slow…
January 4th, 2012 at 15:06
“Offensive-revenge” sort of like when the USA bombs a country with no evidence, real data, nor objective thought, but call it “Preemptive-Strike” : )
January 7th, 2012 at 19:15
Larry,
I want to thank you for your blogs and posts, as I have come here seeking support and help. However, I’m compelled to have you rethink the content of this blog – I don’t believe it to be 100% rational.
I’ve been targeted for years by a sociopath who I believe to be on the extreme end of the spectrum.
To provide example: I’ve suffered physical abuse (needing medical attention and surgery); defamation; been framed for his physical violence against me when he injures himself and claims I started to attack. I watch him ruin other people – hospitalization, financially, etc. He is a con man and LIES very well in court. He has acquired a good amount of wealth by his con artist ploys.
However, sociopaths have a weak link (or several):
1- Extreme delusions of grandeur. The belief that they are too clever to get caught often makes them prone to error and sloppy about covering their tracks.
2- They are often delusional, in that they actually believe their own fabrications (which can often be easily disproved in court).
3- They are impulsive and when rage breaks, their mask of charm falls off and their true form is revealed.
HERE IS MY POINT:
While I DO respect your advice, your outlook it is potentially dangerous to society. Sociopaths are NOT invincible, in fact, MANY of them are behind bars. THIS IS WHERE THEY OFTEN BELONG- IN PRISON.
Knowingly and willing allowing a sociopath abuser to walk the streets because you are too afraid to confront them is a disservice to our collective society.
No, I do not believe in vengeance. However, I genuinely believe in taking care of our fellow man. If one possesses the knowledge, power and ability to remove just ONE sociopath off of the street, then think of how much damage you have spared others?!!!
Fear is not always a positive emotion. Letting these “animals” get away with murder because you are so controlled by your fears is wrong on so many levels.
Vengeance – for vengeance sake is a BAD idea. Absolutely foolish. I’m not endorsing vengeance. I AM, however, endorsing getting these people caught and locked up by exposing the truth.
They are only human. Please don’t make them out to have immortal super powers. However, you must study and understand what you are dealing with.
Again, I do appreciate, agree with, and find comfort and support in much of your writings. However, I feel very strongly, that if one possesses the knowledge and power to lock a sociopath up, they must indeed “go for it”.
January 8th, 2012 at 06:00
Yes, why would you ask for personal information, including a website. Then, moderate ALL communication on the board… And, tell everyone who is experienced with a sociopath to GIVE UP, through their hands in air and let sociopaths go on their merry WARPATH. If you are a true empath… DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING???
You are either a coward, or a sociopath discouraging victims from finding strength. And, thereby setting all sociopaths free.
I am very suspicious of your intent here.
January 8th, 2012 at 10:33
@ Target (1):
I don’t believe I’ve ever said sociopaths are “invincible” as I do believe if you give anyone enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves. But your fact as stated that there are so “MANY” sociopaths incarcerated is very subjective, and percentage-wise, incorrect. Only a small percentage are incarcerated (~5%) but they are the worst of the worst, resorting to violence, murder, and other criminal activity.
Of the prison population, about ~20% are incarcerated sociopaths, but that 20% is responsible for about 80% of all heinous crimes (source: Dr. Hare, Canadian Prison System).
There are varying degrees of psychopathy, and this site is primarily dealing with the other 90-95% that are not engaged in criminal activity, such as above. Their main weapon is slander and libel. They live and work along side of you and me. They have families, they go to church … the blend in. But they are sociopaths just the same.
Slander is one of the most difficult offenses to prove. None of the people my sister slandered me to is even willing to speak with me, let alone tell me what was said. If someone is not willing to cooperate, there’s no court case.
I’ve never even said that I’ve given up, but I do not go into that here just in case this site is being monitored. But the damage that the run-of-the-mill psychopath can do to an individual is almost limitless: turning their family, friends, and co-workers against them, and making it difficult for them to advance in their careers. And I, personally, have been physically threatened more than one.
I truly believe that you have not read much of this site, and you are making-up aspects about me, and what I’ve allegedly said. Maybe you just haven’t experienced the true horrors of a sociopath’s malicious actions against an innocent target.
Most of what is written comes from personal experience, spanning a lifetime … maybe you have less than that level of experience.
But if your point here is that I’m misleading people, I must respectfully disagree; and based on other readers’ comments, I believe the majority would also disagree with you, too.
@ Target (2):
Other than flaming, I can’t for the life of me determine what your intentions are with your second comment. Was it that I didn’t reply fast enough? You wrote the first one at about 21:15 Saturday night, and the second at about 06:00 Sunday morning. Eight hours and 45 minutes. I can’t say I always do, but I usually try to sleep during nighttime hours.
I believe you really just ruined your credibility.
“I am very suspicious of your intent here.”
January 8th, 2012 at 17:27
“I am very suspicious of your intent here.” Fair enough and thank you for posting my thoughts. I didn’t expect that you would. I will try to explain…
You mention: Libel, defamation and the ultimate isolation of their “victim”. I understand these things very well.
First, if you have a “plan” to shed light on the truth, I am glad you are going forward and I encourage you. Again, not for vengeance sake, but to protect others and to hopefully win back the trust of your family and loved ones. You have more power than I think you realize. Finding strength after these traumatic experiences can be very difficult (you already know this – I know).
Personal empowerment, after being devastated by a sociopath is one of the biggest challenges a victim faces.
I also COMPLETELY understand the nature of confidentiality in revealing any information on your forum. So if you do have a plan, yes, best to keep it off of the grid.
As for me being distrusting of your motive, I think my paranoia is a product of being conned by a very intelligence sociopath; a sociopath who posed as a “helper” and a “lover”. Hence, I am highly suspicious and look for “red flags”. I’ve learned to watch out for the “wolf in sheep’s clothing”. Thanks to this, my new found paranoia often gets the best of me and I can make a jerk of myself.
Perhaps another source of frustration: I could have EASILY been saved a lot of pain and agony, IF someone would have used logic and proof to warn me about this sociopath (the evidence was within the means of many people). I think people were too intimidated by his bullying and blackmailing antics and chose not to get involved. I guess it takes a higher level of thinking and caring to get involved (?). Maybe people just don’t care?
If it is of any encouragement, I have had some success in helping others. I believe I successfully helped to keep an innocent man out of major legal trouble (who my sociopath tried to frame for a crime that my sociopath committed). This was done completely anonymously and detectives ARE willing to listen and cooperate.
You’ve already mentioned a lot of this and I agree: concise documentation and confidentiality are critical. Operate in stealth – be sure all parties under stand the importance of confidentiality. Before you share documentation that incriminates a sociopath, it might even help to have the other parties sign a confidentiality agreement – yes, a legal document. Information leaks are damaging, as the sociopath WILL come after you if they suspect their plans are being foiled. You’ve already mentioned this. I like to think in terms of solutions – because there are many solutions.
As a victim, I’ve been brainwashed into feeling weak, powerless and alone. It has taken some time time and therapy to open my eyes and have the confidence to trust myself and others again.
I have succeeded in saving others from the misery of the sociopath I became involved with. This has been a healing experience and empowering. Its not vengeance. Its the opposite; its saving and helping other people. A byproduct of this is that the sociopath looses out – but conquering him has never been my intent.
I will read more of your stories. I just stumbled across this in a Google search.
January 8th, 2012 at 20:51
Hi Target,
Thanks for writing back … I appreciate the clarification.
I have attempted to help anyone I’ve come across that I believe needs help, or just education for the future. But I must admit, for the handfull of friends I’ve referred to this site, the majority kind of faded away. But in analyzing those who faded, I realized that some had traits of their own, two of whom admitted it to me. One told me she was uncomfortable reading it since she recognized herself in it.
What do you say?
About six months after I directed a female friend to this site, I received a long email spelling out the most charming guy she had been dating, and how he had become hostile and violent … “exactly how you describe it in your site.” She left him quickly and I felt good about that.
But I’m all about truth, and cheating is not truth. If I get the opportunity to expose the cheating with enough evidence, I’ll be on it and they’ll get what they deserve. It’s not done to be vengeful, but to assert fairness to those who deserve it.
I hope you’ll read more of the site.
January 12th, 2012 at 01:49
hi please help meeee…..
after extensive online research and reading this blog, i have discovered that my best friend of 16 years, is indeed an evil and malicious sociopath.
her upbringing was extremely abusive and traumatic but she always appeared to be strong and not bothered by anything.. over the years i saw this girl treat people as pawns to get what she wanted, most of the time it was for the pure enjoyment of other peoples suffering but unfortunately she has turned her wrath upon me.
although your advice is to run away, i feel i cant do that as in the past, she gets bored and turns her attention to someone else after a me, and i just want to know if theres any way to live amongst these people without having to run.
My family and i moved interstate to a tiny town 12 months ago, to be closer to (my best friend) as she manipulated me into thinking, i needed her support. However her control on my life became unbearable and my relationship with my husband was suffereing as she hated him and wanted me to leave him and move in with her and her family.
I guess it was then that i tried to keep my distance and that is when all hell broke loose. She has made up stories as to why she no longer wants to be my friend and has suddenly turned from my best friend, to a complete enemy.
My wish is to co-exist with her in this town with no contact and to act as though we never met, but she has other plans for me. She announced at a parents club meeting with the school that my child attends, that my husband is a peodophile. She has no proof of this or reason to say it, only to destroy my life. She has also tried to sabotage my relationship with members of my family by telling them lies about me, that im an alcoholic and a bad mother.
Although these are just rumours that she has spread, it is her first step towards destroying me and i know she is capable of much more as i have seen it with my own eyes from a long friendship with her.
I have seen this woman, beat her older sister and strangle her until she was blue in the face, all because she wouldnt return any calls or messages after two weeks of verbal abuse and bullying via the internet. She is now, friends with her sister again and has turned onto me.
I have researched all the signs of a sociopath and she is definitely in that category, however i dont want to leave town and let her get away with what she is doing to me and my family.
If i run, she wins. please help…thanks..
January 12th, 2012 at 13:23
Kelly,
“Running away” does not mean she wins … it means you do. In your life, there’s nothing more important than you. Moving, changing you email, phone, and a forwarding address, means she just lost her biggest thrill, and that’s victimizing you.
Some people are determined to avenge their sociopath, but I’ve never heard of a victim truly winning in the long run. I’m a testament to that. I may well at some time, but it’ll be a log shot.
If people admit to you that sociopath labeled your husband a pedophile, that’s worthy of a slander suit. If you also wrote to people , that would also essentially be libel.
I really do not think you want to co-exist with her since nothing will ever change, and likely get worse. Get as far away from her as you can. Protect you and your family.
January 13th, 2012 at 03:47
thankyou larry… the things i could tell you about this person after spending so long with her, would send chills down yourspine.. she is evil to the core.. i appreciate and thankyou for your advice and i will be checking this site regularly for more info and feedback as im unable to leave town at this time and i may need some more insights in future..
i am soo glad there are other people in this world that understand me as its really hard to convince others that someone can be so evil and malicious. take care.. and thanks again.
January 13th, 2012 at 22:34
Hello and Thank you for being here
My husbands ex-wife is a sociopath. They were married for 15 years and have 3 children together, they are 23 yrs,17 and 15 yrs old. We all live in the same small town. My concern is great as she has been out to destroy my husband the past year. It seems her main purpose is to kill his soul.
She has alienated his children against him (parental alienation syndrome) and they have taken on her traits as well. She lies to them and says that he stole money from her , that he doesn’t pay his child support. My husband begs his oldest daughter (the 2 younger sons have a no contact order with him) to come and look at the receipts for child support , to view the CD from court where it clearly states my husband did not steal money , and on and on. She will have none of it, she just says “ok daddy” then turns right around and continues with the lies her mother started.
Before the past year my husband had a good loving relationship with his sons (or so we thought) and although it was hard (with such a strong powerful sociopath mother in the background) I thought I was too. Thank god that the last contact he had with them was a camping trip where his father,brother and brother -in – law were all there and they could see he did nothing wrong! He was just being your regular guy drinking around the campfire, fishing, telling stories and so on. This was the last contact the boys had with their father.
My concern is in regards to the future and how far she will go > Court is now over, (and still to this day I am grateful that the Judge saw through her lies!, omg so many stories where they dont! especially when the female or male is extremely beautiful or handsome) but right before Court our Attorney told us that his ex’s attorney had emailed her a letter that was so sickining and so evil that she did not even want to show it to us, omg we had already seen so many evil letters spewing forth pure lies, I cannot even imagine what the last letter said!!
It seems that she wants him to go off the deep end , like just totally lose it and go to her house and beat up the boyfriend or threaten her or or or, and thats the thing, I feel she is not getting the reaction she wants (basically to SEE his suffering, like put in jail or something) so I am fearful of how far this socio path will go… He will never give her this reaction because he wants nothing to do with her. He is devastated about his children but realizes there is nothing he can do..
I want to leave town ASAP, I feel like we are sitting ducks for her next evil scheme,, but on the other hand I feel it is wrong to live in fear.
In your experience and from what you have seen do you think she will continue on? I feel she is just plotting her next great act…
January 13th, 2012 at 23:33
Cindy,
Hello and you’re welcome.
As you read through this site, you’ll discover your story is similar to others, including my own … you are not alone.
You did a good job summarizing, but I’m sure the details could fill a small book. Will she continue? I think you answered that about mid-way. She’s only just begun, and in her mind, she’s not succeeding (i.e., not getting the results she wants). She could continue for the rest of her life. Keep in mind that all the lies she’s spread she must maintain forever, otherwise she’ll be outed as a liar. She can’t risk that.
If she’s frustrated by the lack of carnage she wishes to create, it would be practically impossible to guess what she’s plotting next, and rest assured, they don’t like to lose. I’d be very cautious if I were you.
If you have the opportunity to move away, do it quietly. Disappear. Talk about pissing her off, that’ll do it.
Where ever you go, get a MagicJackPro VoIP (Voice over IP) instead of local phone service. It runs off your Internet connection. The cool thing is that when you sign up, you select a new phone number, and you can choose from virtually any area code in the country. My area code is about 2000 miles away from where I live. And since long distance is free, it doesn’t matter. It’s quite confusing for the person looking at caller ID.
Record all conversations with her. And I say this with great sadness, but the kids could have gotten the “bad gene” from her, as it doesn’t manifest itself until the mid to late teens in most cases. I lost both my daughters to that. They could be great, sensitive and loving kids, then they turn teenagers and you can literally watch them change, and be able to do nothing about it.
From what you say, you could be in a dangerous situation. Watch your back.
January 14th, 2012 at 00:17
Larry,
Thank you for your response. It is more helpful than you will ever know. You brought some things to light that I had not thought of.
I have not read what happened with you and only just started to look around this site, this evening. I am so sorry about your daughters, my heart breaks for you. I have seen/lived with/felt my husbands heartbreak, so so devastating.
You are telling me what my “gut instincts” were, but what I did not want to truly admit to myself. As you said, she has only begun. You brought to light that she cannot risk being outed as a liar, that one scares me, because she can ramble on for hours on end backing up her lies.
Personally I hope we move as soon as possible. The MagicJackPro will be used I can guarantee you that and Thank you for that info!!
I wrote to you this evening while my husband was at work, knowing of course I would later show him what I wrote and your response whenever it came in. I have showed him your response and he is quietly taking it in. He needed to see your response Larry, he needed to “read” the truth, the actual words.
I thank you for that.
January 22nd, 2012 at 09:54
Hi Larry, I need help. I have two children and have just learned that my ex is a sociopath.
When the children were 2 1/2 and 4 1/4 in December 26/27/2007 I told him that i didn’t love him anymore as i could finally see who he really was a liar, cheater, abuser, stealing, etc. The night that i told him December 26/2007 he attacked me like a robot with no emotion, he tried to strangle me, suffocate me and had our 4 year old son participate in the assault by showing him to kick me as a game on the floor and laughing. He has done mental damage to our son. My son witnessed the whole assault and remembers to this day.
He pulled the phone cords out of the box and we locked ourselves in a bedroom til he left the next morning to go to work. He called later that day and i said i would have him arrested if came back. It took me 6 weeks to heal from the physical wounds.
Later i decided my son is mentally suffering, I’m suffering and went to the police with my son and told them what happened. He was arrested and we went to trial for over 2 years and he won the trial in late 2009. After trial he contacted me, we exchanged phone calls and emails for awhile. He said that he was not the same person and wanted to see his children. So we set a date for them to meet. I had audio recording ready for his confession and I got it. I wanted a confession for the crime and the horrible trial i had to go through, and the pain my son and i endured. He saw the children a few times 6 hours from the time trial ended to October 31 2010. During that time he abandoned them 3 times. Then we never heard from him.
In October 2011, he showed up at my door with his new girlfriend to serve me court paper for joint custody. I was in shock. Since then his girlfriend and him have called me so many times slandering me, calling me a horrible mother, drug addict and all kinds of things, they called the Children’s aid on me twice, board of education. All accusations they stated were proven to be false. He tells his new girlfriends lies about me and she believes them and slanders me.
He has never paid child support. His new girlfriend owns her own home and makes over 80,000.00 a year but won’t pay for a lawyer for him. He make 35,000.00 a year. They both made a contract for me to sign for 200.00 a month. I refused to sign. I have a lawyer. My lawyer has stated that if the judge feels that I’m holding the children against him i could lose. He has never cared about the children or their well-being. It’s not the children he is after it’s me for revenge. He keeps talking about the past, he won’t let go.
I have to be in court on Tuesday to make a decision of either meditation were he gets visitation or go to trial. I don’t want to do either one. He won the first trial and lied to the judge , police his lawyer. I went through hell as victim on the witness stand. I thought i have to find a way to stop him before Tuesday so I exposed him through emails to his new girlfriend. I don’t know if it did any good. He has called here since then 12 times and only breaths n the phone. His girlfriend was in a relationship with a man for 19 years and had two children with him, she met my ex at a bar and they started an affair. Her husband found out and broke he cell phone and some altercation happened. She called the police and had her husband pt in jail and a restraining order placed against him then my ex moved in the same night.
He has been living there now for a year and a little bit. But she has kicked my ex out 3 times and has taken him back each time. Her husband contacted her to get his belongings and she contacted the police again so another restraining order has been placed. My ex stated that he has a new home, money, a pool table, huge screen tv, bar(he is an alcoholic also) anything he wants. He stated that he has now alot to offer the children. This woman has a 12 year old child in the home. this woman knows about the assault and me son, she calls me a liar.
She stated he has changed and is not the same person. She stated that she has the man now that is good and that i wish i had. I hate this man. I exposed other things about him and she read all as she has taken away his facebook account, and shares an email address with him, as she doesn’t trust him because he has been with many woman. Something must of happened for her to kick him out three times and take him back. I told them i have a boyfriend and she stated,Your just trying to make him jealous. he also stated to him on speaker phone,” I know your still in love with her”, meaning me. Then the phone went dead. I know what is going on here he wants revenge.
Someone please help me.
January 22nd, 2012 at 11:31
This is what i exposed,and can use in trial if i have to:
Verbal Assaults against me (audio Recordings)
Assault against me and showing my son to kick me during the assault against me Dec 26/27/ 2007 (recording)
Double- Doctoring charge (police document)
Able to prove four more double- doctoring after the charge, I have all documents. He was addicted to pills.
Assault against Autism man, I have two witnesses.
Medication stolen, he worked at a place taking care of mental patients and he was the supervisor. Two caregivers witnessed the assault, he was fired and they covered it up to protect the organization as it is well known and is a big facility for mental patients. When my ex was drunk on night he told me he took one of the patients to the bathroom and jerked him off to help him relieve himself. He stated that this was normal.
All your theft charges you got away with, I have all documents.
Never paid child support,back pay you will have to pay on top of child support, Proof.
All your abandonments, proof
Many Car accidents
Allstate insurance frauds, I have proof
Abandoned his first son with another woman when the baby was 2 weeks old, the boy is now 18 years old and he never paid child support.
Many affairs with lots of woman.
He taught his two dogs to attack animals and kill, my property looked like a pet cemetery.
Alcoholic.
Everything that was listed as a sociopath, he fit perfectly, it was like someone wrote this just for him. I let her know what a sociopath is all about as he fit the description perfectly. He has got away with almost every crime he has committed. I exposed him for the double-doctoring and he was convicted only on one offense. He’s a professional criminal and the police detectives for the first trial were joking and laughing together while we waited to be called in by the judge. He is charming and funny and deceptive. He can make anyone laugh and would walk into any store, gas station it didn’t matter, and whoever worked there when he left would be smiling and laughing. But he has no friends.
I don’t now if my exposing him helped my situation or if i just threw a time bomb that is going to backfire at me. Al i want is is evil man and his horrible evil girlfriend to get the hell out of my children and me life.
January 22nd, 2012 at 12:15
One more thing Larry. He has a degree in physiology that’s how he got the position as supervisor for the mental facility. I don’t know what to do, the clock is ticking and Tuesday will come soon. I’m waiting for your response as i have no where else to turn for help.
I also asked my son who is now 9 years old, what he thinks mommy should do, go for mediation where your dad will get visitation or go to trial and fight for you. I needed to ask him to know where he stands on this. His reply was for me was to fight for him and his sister, he stated he hurt you mom and he hurt me.