UPDATED: 2011 Jun 20

2010 Jul 13

I just received a very unexpected note from Christopher — the old kind of note: in an envelope with a stamp. For those not familiar, Christopher is the guy that my soon-to-be ex-wife Julie was having an affair with, then married, when she left me and our two kids in 1995. I was granted full physical and legal custody. Within five years, they added three more messed-up kids to the planet.

That’s not what he was apologizing for …

Reading this letter immediately reminded me of a statement Christopher made back during the divorce. Now, 15 years later, Christopher’s letter completely contradicts his previous recorded comment … or does he apologize for it? 

… He still believes that’s who I am.

Though likely unintentional, Christopher now supports my assertion of how average people are very willing to spread complete, unsubstantiated hearsay (i.e., blatant lies), even when it focusses on the malicious assassination and destruction of someone’s good character. Without a hint of proof, the typical individual will willingly help turn “someone-innocent” into a scorned pariah.

1995 — Christopher: “I think I understand him …”

In this audio clip from January 1995, Christopher states to Julie that he has me figured out … that he “understands me” … yet he’s only repeating back to Julie the malicious lies that she was spreading about me. At that point-in-time, not only had we never met, but I had never seen him before. Please listen to the brief, 12-second clip before continuing …

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2010 — Christopher: “I really don’t know you at all …”

From the moment I opened the envelope and started reading his note, one very short question continually repeated in my mind: “ulterior motives?” Virtually never, over the past fifteen years, have Christopher and I ever communicated about anything.  Nothing.  Then apparently without any specific reason, he sends me a letter of apology expressing such weight from his actions that you’d think he has not had a full night’s sleep since then. Motive?

If you haven’t done so yet, please go ahead and click on the envelope to read the letter. I also transcribed it just below to make it an easier read. Among other things, he now states the truth: “I really don’t know you at all …” and he never did.

But the damage Christopher was part of, the damage of undermining and truly destroying my good character is done — it can never be undone.  Frankly, it has yet to stop and probably never will. But Julie, and others like her, are out looking for their next victims.

I know as fact from a recent discussion that what’s left of my character is still being slaughtered — but now it’s done more casually and openly. Over twenty years after it began, I’m still paying a huge price for the malicious lies started by one woman — a woman I married — a woman who was telling me how much she loved me, during that exact same time. That debt will always hang over my head — it can never go away.

On face-value alone, this would indicate Christopher had probably been a fervent disciple of Julie’s, but apparently did not suffer from a personality disorder himself. Sending an apology 15 years after the fact would seem to indicate that — again, only based on face-value. It could all be a sham.

What is confusing to me, as of now, is the “why?” as well as “why now?”

The note seems sincere, but I’ve learned that some people are incredibly skilled at delivering self-serving lies while wearing the most genuinely sincere, outward appearance. Then they’ll play the “you don’t trust me” game.  Bingo.

Of course, he does not know I have that recording, but I don’t believe that matters. As a good disciple, he would have spread those lies about my character — and whatever others went with it — to anyone who would listen. And he was likely using those character lies to support why he was “saving” Julie from me. Julie had made me out to be a monster, one who had a history of violence.

So one must consider that Christopher has, for the past for 15 years, continued to state the same lies about me, since saying anything different now would make him a liar. He cannot allow people to know he’s a liar, especially considering what he lied about, as he would likely become an outcast in his own line of work — as a faculty member. Apologizing privately in a note to me allows him to avoid stating the truth openly, though it doesn’t answer the question: “Why is he apologizing?”

Also, Christopher makes one erroneous statement in the note, when he says, “We have seldom spoken.” The fact is we have never spoken, unless saying, “OK” or “Thanks” justifies as having spoken.

“Why now?” This brings up a few theories. I believe that Christopher and Julie are on the rocks. A year or more ago, I understand that she began an affair with some guy, moved away from Christopher into an apartment, the affair fizzled, and Julie did her trademark: “run back to her husband asking for forgiveness.”

Julie cannot be alone at all — her entire history is jumping from man to man … then jumping back in case of the potential fizzle.

Closing Thoughts ::  I don’t believe he ever intended, nor guessed, how different the message was received on this end, compared to the message he thought he sent.