Google search: “my best friend is a sociopath”
The response to that is “likely not.”

The search string above is a fairly common search used with Google and Yahoo. Actually, it’s too common … it shows just how many people completely misunderstand the traits of a sociopath. Sociopaths do NOT have any real friends, they do not want friends, nor do they have the emotions that are required to be a friend. Instead of friends, a sociopath wants loyal followers, people who will do anything to help the sociopath achieve their own narcissistic goals. They gain followers by using an act — known as their “persona”— pretending to be an upright, trusting person, and a great friend. Their persona is nothing like their real personality. But they are quite believable.

Mutually Exclusive Terms

The terms “friend” and “sociopath” are mutually exclusive. What does that mean? It means you can have a real friend, and you may know a sociopath, but you cannot have a real friend who’s also a sociopath. What you can be is a loyal follower, or even a disciple to a sociopath, and as such, they will treat you as if you were a friend … but it is not sincere. As long as you provide some value to them, something they need, value as simple as companionship, they will keep you around. But once they tire of your companionship, you will be left with no doubt. 

As most people are aware, a sociopath, or more precisely, someone afflicted with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) and/or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), does not feel any guilt or remorse for the things they’ve done to others, but on a larger scale, it’s not just those emotions that they lack … sociopaths do not have any of the typical emotions that most people take for granted.

So along with lacking negative emotions, such as guilt and remorse, they also lack what most would consider positive emotions, such as compassion, love, joy, security, and passion. This is what’s often overlooked, but critically important: a sociopath’s lack of emotions does not end with the negative emotions. Hence, a person with APD or NPD does not have the capacity to feel any positive emotions, preventing them from thinking about anyone else, but themselves. A sociopath cannot feel the emotions required in a friendship, so they act them out. And often, they over-act with a certain plastic appeal.

Most sociopaths or psychopaths have likely identified how they differ from most people, and in their minds, they’re superior to virtually all of “us”. They do not need friends … they need loyal followers. A sociopath cares only about themselves, and how they can use others to strengthen their narcissistic goals.

Scenario #1:  You have a long-time best friend who you think is a sociopath. Why do you think that? What gives you that idea? It’s not as easy as a carrying a five or ten-point cheat sheet in your pocket. A sociopath would never reveal their real selves to anyone … it’s their most guarded secret. And if you are sure — by something you yourself witnessed (hearsay never counts) — you are positively sure they are a sociopath, then why aren’t you running? This is no game.

Scenario #2:  You are certain that this person is indeed a sociopath, but you still hang-out with them and consider them your best friend because you say they treat you like their best friend. But you have no doubt that they are a sociopath. Well, I’m sure you do consider them your best friend. But you’re traveling in a dark, one-way tunnel.

Just because you feel that close kinship with them, don’t for a second think they feel the same about you. You are only their most loyal, shallow, and gullible ignoramus. You are not the sociopath’s friend. They have NO friends. Got it?

• You call the sociopath your best friend.

• The sociopath calls you a gullible ignoramus … but loyal.

• The rest of us call you a disciple. A sociopath’s disciple.

My experience with disciples is one of great concern. Disciples seem to have their own personality problems, and with them, they are just as dangerous, if not more so, than their sociopath.

A sociopath cannot have friends. They are incapable. It’s all an act to get other people to do things for them so they can achieve their own narcissistic goals — moral or immoral, legal or illegal. If you still stick with that friendship concept, I’ve seen T-shirts printed with “Just Plain Stupid”.

The Downfall

As soon as you don’t offer them the same value, or you hesitate doing something they ask of you, or they simply sense something different — watch how fast that “best friend” relationship will collapse. You were certain they felt for you as you did for them. No one wants to believe how sinister and cold another “human” can be. Most people won’t believe it until it happens to them … it’s the definition of intense gut-wrenching. I know that feeling.

You were in their inner circle. You know a lot. Sociopaths often suffer with paranoia, and even if it’s their own paranoia that causes them to sense a lack of loyalty from you, it’s no different to them … it’s just as real.

Consider this, and trust me, whatever your sociopath friend may say to counter this, it’s just what they do best — lie. A sociopath not only does not feel guilt or remorse, but it does not stop there … they do not have any typical human emotions.

They do not feel love, friendship, compassion … nothing, it’s all faked. It’s called their public persona. A sociopath’s persona has virtually no resemblance to their true personality. They know they are different, but they may know nothing more than that. It’s not of interest to them. What is of ultimate interest is control.

They build a group of followers by faking friendship, charm, compassion … until people are so sucked-in and so brainwashed that they now respect and admire a very evil sociopath. Some sociopaths wear their persona all the time, i.e., 24/7. Those sociopaths know all too well that what they do, the things they get away with, would likely be just as revolting to their family as with anyone else.

Oh, and that family consisting of a spouse, and 2.5 kids? It’s all part of the act. They want to blend in. They know a family is an important element. They know belonging to a church, a synagogue, or any place that brings people together to worship, will assuredly benefit the cause of blending in.

My own dad’s persona at church services was something I recognized as a very young boy, though I could not understand it. Why he drank excessively each night, why he’d hit me for no reason, and why he was so popular and well-liked at church. I witnessed a public persona, verses the real personality, at such a young age. Yet it took another 45 years to piece everything together.

Never think it’s easy to spot a sociopath. Never. After a lifetime of being a victim, as well as years of personal research, I only recently discovered that specific sociopathic traits of some people seemingly jumped out at me. I was not looking, but it was my experience and instinct that raised the flag. And even then, when someone strikes me as having clear sociopathic characteristics, I do not claim to have identified a sociopath, only that I have reason to suspect. If they are not an integral part of my life, I just use caution when interacting with them. I do not try to prove anything, as I know the dangers.

A sociopath knows their family members cannot be aware of their real activities, because if they are, they would become a threat just as anyone else would. And the sociopath responds to a family-based threat no differently then by someone they hardly know. They must protect themselves from exposure … any slight threat or risk must be dealt with immediately, with what I call: offensive-revenge.

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