2010.11.30
Source: Wikipedia.org
Character assassination is an attempt to tarnish [or destroy] a person’s reputation. It may involve exaggeration or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. It is a form of defamation and can be a form of ad hominem argument.
The Irreversible Effects
For living individuals targeted by character assassination attempts, this may result in being rejected by his community, family, or members of his or her living or work environment. Such acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify, and the process is likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can last a lifetime or, for historical figures, for many centuries after their death.
Maliciously Deceptive Defamation
In practice, character assassination may involve doublespeak, spreading of rumors, innuendo or deliberate misinformation on topics relating to the subject’s morals, integrity, and reputation. It may involve spinning information that is technically true, but that is presented in a misleading manner or is presented without the necessary context. For example, it might be said that a person refused to pay any income tax during a specific year, without saying that no tax was actually owed due to the person having no income that year, or if a person was sacked from a firm, even though they may have been made redundant rather than actually fired.
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Your insights are appreciated ...
March 26th, 2011 at 23:39
Oh god. Thats exactly what my brother did!
He told everyone I got my mom kicked out of the first nursing home! Even told her family back east. Truth was. I had to BEG the hospital NOT to send her back to that dreadful place. I begged and pleaded with the hospital’s social worker. I could hear my brother outside the doorway saying matter of factly, she’s not going anywhere! But he made a mistake in front of the social worker and she did what I asked, thank god!
When mom had gone to the NEW nursing home I had picked out a former aid from the other one even told me my mom would have died in the other one had she gone back there. But my brother had everyone at the first one wrapped around his finger. He lied and they had a negative opinion of me before I even walked in the door. They didn’t take care of my mom and he didn’t care. He even conned the social worker and book keeper there to give him POA over my father who ended up dying there.
I don’t think there’s enough room in here to tell you the hell he put me and my mom through. He wouldn’t even allow us to move my dad to the same nursing home mom was at so they could be together. He kept my dad away from her the last month of his life.
November 6th, 2011 at 05:16
I am so sad that my world of associates continues to dwindle because of the subtle words, set ups and comparisons to unlikable TV/Movie characters that my soon to be ex husband continues to make about me when around others.
He trashed my reputation to such lengths that I don’t even know where to even begin to try and 1) show these people that I am not the person he is making me out to be. I do continue to take the high road and save face the best I can (since I do have a son that is 6 years old) but is there anything I can do to show people what he is about?
I would appreciate something that may work. His behaviors and tall tales are also having an effect on my son’s social life too. I am an attractive person, a caring nice person, have always been popular and well liked. People that don’t have any idea who I am hate me because of my ex husband. He has done this to me even before we were divorcing. But know it has begun and taken hold in my new town and school district. What can I do? Something please !
November 17th, 2011 at 21:16
@ Becca …
I know the sadness all too well. I only know a fraction of what has been said about my life and character, but those who do know the lies will never tell. I came to the conclusion after believing I could spread the truth about me that it was all too late. Those people, even family members, didn’t want to listen to me. In the eyes of many, I am an true outcast.
I eventually came to terms with what I was faced with, and instead of taking the route of continually being so depressed and not achieving anything positive, I accepted I had to let go, and erase them from my life. That included my two daughters.
In my experience, I’ve never heard a victim turn things around, though I would hope it’s happened. That has the effect of taking you down, but do not let it. Come to peace with your life and future, and the new people you will meet.
November 18th, 2011 at 12:46
@Becca…
This is a very hard situation (the smear campaign). I appreciate your comments, Larry, and would love to hear how long it took you to get to a place of peace, and some steps along the way.
I keep bouncing back and forth between having resolve to get through it, and despair that I cannot go on.
I wish it did not appear to me this way, but honestly what it looks and feels like is that he lobbed excrement at me and it stuck. All over me. So that that is now what anyone sees when they look at me, and they recoil in disgust and revulsion. I’m painting this analogy in an extreme way… some days are better. But overall, it is this awful, dirty feeling like there are still pieces of it stuck on me somewhere that I couldn’t reach, or am unaware of (maybe it’s in my hair??? on my back???).
I have felt the attacks on my character physically. I mean, my chest aches in my heart region (not a heart ailment — a broken heart). My back aches. It is like a heavy burden. I would love to feel happy and joyful again.
No, I’m not going to call this “depression.” I feel that I have been attacked! Like a sneering playground bully ropes in others to shun, humiliate, ostracize the victim.
I don’t even need to explore “why” any more. I think I know why. But the why does not matter. What I’d really like to know is — how can I get my Self back? or birth a new, clean and shiny Self, without this hateful excrement smeared all over me? I have lost my confidence, my formerly positive nature. I know I must be off-gassing some of this putrid smear that got stuck on me. Or something. I cannot figure out by force of will or anything how to be cheerful, attractive (I mean my spirit) again. I feel so hurt and damaged by this.
So how long does it take to heal, and are there any concrete things that you have done which have helped you feel that you are making progress and not spinning wheels?
November 18th, 2011 at 15:25
Gosh Becca I wish I could hug you. My oldest brother put me in the hospital. the dr’s called it an anxiety attack. At the time everything was so insane. It took me a little over two years to calm down. I seldom have the flash backs now. Thank God.
I only have contact with my sister & my mom who are now in California. I had my phone number changed. I unfriended his two grown kids from my face book page. Occasionally I will see his name and those old feelings come flooding back. But I can talk myself out of it better now.
My entire family is just sick and the less contact with them the better. Mom is a major co – dependent and in complete denial even though my oldest brother tried to kill her. Another brother is a major alcoholic just like my dad was. The other a sociopath. Another brother is the sociopaths follower as well as my oldest son. Who I suspect, inherited the disorder. UUUggghhh…I better stop writing. I am getting upset again.
November 18th, 2011 at 19:15
Wow ! I know that exact feeling of persons looking at you like you are nothing but a piece of S_ _ T and me wondering how unbelievably stupid these people really are..to believe this complete idiot that can “sell sand in the Sahara” “Snowballs to eskimo’s” and you know, that whatever he is saying to these people, to initially rope them in is only the words that they want to hear because of some void or insecurity that he is able to zero in on; and he doesn’t mean one bit of kindness or sincerity in his words or actions ever.
He is using them while he continues to abuse me mentally, emotionally. He is still trying to wear me down physically by destroying my looks and body structure. But I am still trying to hang in there eventhough I feel as if I am suffering at times from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of the constant daily abuse I receive because of him and the actions of his disciples, he has many. I get so upset, like yesterday while driving in my car I began to cry.
Why in the world was I so naive and trusting to allow this evil vindictive shell of a human to enter into my life. I was always so sharp when it came to the character of others but this one slipped through..I am still pretty, funny, kind and would move heaven and earth for my son and the people I love. I am a nurse and care for people as if they were my own family. I am such a people person and this predator is taking away my life as I have always known it. I am not going to give in though..that is how I feel right now.
It does wax and wane..some days strong and others not so strong. I pray and go to the chapel when I am at work and ask Jesus for strength. He went through this, persons turning on him, doubting him and questioning him constantly. It is all I can do, in addition to the conscious efforts I make daily. Praying to Jesus is my way to begin the letting go process.
January 15th, 2012 at 03:31
I found this well written. I’ve had a Sociopath in my life for ten years and did not know it. I ever knew anything about sociopaths. But in fact they destroy what people think of you, before destroying you. Once the Sociopath is done with you, no one will ever believe the truth.
January 15th, 2012 at 11:18
Becca.
I didn’t know my oldest brother had the disorder until I defended my mom and another brother he was trying to hurt. He hid it very well all those years. Well into his late 50′s. Growing up I just thought he was a bully. The typical older brother picking on the siblings. He never worked a day in his life and I recall in the hippy era he was explaining how he could get money & free things without working for them.
In his youth he stoled quite often and I always wondered why my parents wouldn’t say anything about “Stuff” he would bring home even a purebred Doberman pinscher pup when he was in his teens. (Mom was co-dependent and didn’t want to get him in trouble by exposing him.) He was in trouble often with the law during his youth.
Later, I felt bad for another brother, one of his targets was never invited to any of his BBQ’s. We were all there, all of us kids, “The Gang” together again. except this one. It just didn’t feel right. I ask him if I could go bring him. & the sociopath said no. He kept having Thanksgivings at his house even though I had made the dinners at my parents for when my siblings came to visit out of state. He just didn’t get it that they came to visit mom & Dad, not Him & his wife. He does thrive on being the center of attention.
January 22nd, 2012 at 08:19
Normal people need to stay away from Sociopths if you can. My Sociopath was my friend. ( but really was not ) He stocked me, liad to me and conned me, stole a lot of money from me, even my wallet. The friends I did have, he stole them to. Sociopaths think they are the most important people in the world. They are bullies.
February 24th, 2012 at 18:54
@Becca and Debbie, That is the part that bothers me too. The person assassinating my character has an enormous amount of superficial relationships. Often, when I go places people ask if I’m related to him. I know when they mention me that will be the end of my reputation with that person. Because this sociopath is so gregarious, I feel like the whole world thinks I’m so gross – even though that’s not true. I feel like even if I moved across the world, I will carry that feeling with me.
This person is a sibling and he did this all through my childhood too. So not only am I battling my self-esteem in the present but it brings back flashbacks from childhood.
February 25th, 2012 at 16:39
I have been doing so much reading on Sociopaths, ever since I was destroyed. And that’s how I feel, bad or angry. Because I know I cant go back to where I used to live, people think you are the bad one. and thats how the sociopath wants you to feel, bad. That makes them feel something. No one believes that I am not the person who he said I was. And you know I did move across the country three years ago after the encounter. And I still have to carry that loss.
February 27th, 2012 at 00:48
For the past 16 + years I have been under character assination by a sibling. All for the sole purpose of manipulating our mother and her property.
Sociopath sibliing has not only attacked MY character but also the character of all my other siblings. She has individually and privately spoke to each of us about the other siblings as if we were all so wicked and evil that we should not be allowed or trusted around/with our mother.
Sociopath sibling has managed to turn both my children against me via the pack of unfounded lies they are telling constantly. Only recently in the past few months has my eldest child come to realize and catch their sociopath aunt in three lies in one day.
Since that time eldest child, myself and another sibling victim have banded together. We’ve had many gut wrenching brutally honest wee hours of the morning conversations and cleared up many a conflict. We three along with my spouse and my in-laws have grown much closer and now have a bond that is much stronger than any I’ve ever had the privelage of being a part of.
My mother passed away one month and five days ago. In that time sociopath sibling has gone to two counties within my state and accused myself and my spouse of sexually abusing children and child pornography, many within my immediate family were personally questioned several times, no charges have ever been filed and the Deputy Sheriff said there would be none filed. Allogations were unfounded. That’s how I spent valentine’s day 2012.
Sociopath sibling attempted to get a restraining order on my eldest child. They went to court and in front of the judge sociopath sibling lied about paying all my mother’s medical expenses and home health care for the past six years. My mother was on medicare/medicaid and I can prove it. All charges were dropped. Again allogations were unfounded AND sociopath sibling lied in court and now her lies are a matter of public record! AND can and will be used against her in another court of law!
I just found out today that sociopath sibling and their spouse were wearing guns at my mother’s funeral! Several people saw the guns, I did not.
I have NEVER done one thing to sociopath sibling or their spouse to justify them feeling so unsafe as to feel the need to wear guns!
All hell is about to break loose here as our attorney has filed with the courts the desires of my eldest child and one sibling victim to be appointed by the courts administrators of my mother’s estate. THIS maneuver will force the sociopath sibling to step up with the original will: our copies appear to have been altered.
When sociopath sibling waves the will around in the air and states that they now have the right to all mother’s belongings and property our attorney will say BUT WAIT, what about this forged Quit Claim Deed? Seems to ME YOU do not have the right to the house, by law it belongs to another sibling and YOU need to turn over the keys to the house and return anything and everything you have removed from the premises.
Sociopath sibling has hauled several loads of mother’s stuff out of state and has given many items away and more than likely has sold a few also. Too bad, get it all back here ASAP.
It’s dificult at best to keep ones head screwed on straight in situations like this. Once you get someone out from under the spell of the sociopath you need to begin discussing past actions and possible future reachions from the sociopath and above and beyond all else keep your guard up and do not go anywhere alone.
I say this because when a sociopath does not get the results they wanted from their lies they will get mad and will get violent. expect it, get prepared for it.
Keep recording devices on you at all times, cameras and binoculars too. DO NOT miss one opportunity to collect any and all damning evidence agaunst them which might be usable in court. They will not stop until they are behind bars.
February 27th, 2012 at 11:27
Well. I thought I was over it but I ended up in the hospital with another anxiety attack mid January. My son choked on a piece of candy the night before and the emergency room dr said that was a “trigger.” For all the stuff I had been holding inside. My son is fine thank god.
Scared the hell out of me. I woke up at midnight that night with heart attack symptoms, shaking like a drunk on DT’s. , I couldn’t catch my breath. Felt like I was going to faint. I had my husband take me to the er. At the time I really thought I was dying. All the heart tests came back negative the next day. The flashbacks came flooding back. Stuff I thought I had tried to block from my thoughts. The hospital dr prescibed sedatives. I am only taking them when I absolutely need them because they are said to be addicting. They told me to see a primary care physican in two weeks which I didn’t have. So I choose the one my mother went to when she lived here.
Now I am fighting when them to get the prescriptions refilled because the hospital dr’s name is on the bottles and not the Dr I choose. I have no medical insurance mind you so my sociopathic brother is still affecting our lives with these huge medical and hospital bills. David. I wish we could stay away from them. I wish I could move far away from this town. I wish I could sleep at night without taking medication. I wish I had an “Off” button” in my head.
February 27th, 2012 at 20:44
Believe me moving away does not help to much, because I believe what people go through you still live with it. I to have the same problem. The whole thing of just turning off. When I wake up everything that has happened to me starts all over again. I think about it every moment. I make bad disions because of what’s on my mind. There are times, when I too can’t get a breath in.
March 22nd, 2012 at 18:56
Hi folks,
Wow, just wow. Valuable discussion.
I borrowed parts of this for my blog.
My added comments:
Why are these character assassinations so believed, that the victim himself is never told the accusations? Amazing. The effects are not small, the victim’s life is absolutely devastated.
It not only extends through every moment of the victim’s life, but extends outward. The victim’s stress is brought home to their family. Divorces result. The victim’s preoccupation (or spreading cancer of anxiety) distorts the victim’s judgement, and causes the victim to miss cues from others, sometimes important ones. Sleep is hard, activated anxiety centers never go to sleep.
Imagine what Becca must have felt in her new town as she felt it all happening again. Her silent screams as though she were on thin ice watching the cracks seek her out, following her from her past locations, powerless to affect or stop them. Or perhaps she felt she was being pursued by ghosts that could strike her at will, but that she could neither see nor defend against.
We are all social animals. We need secure communities of friends and believe we have them. Victims of psychopathic character assassination know that is not true. For them, what was once solid ground becomes a thin crust over a sea of acid. They never know when a footfall will break through.
It should be pointed out that the psychopath’s aim is murder, murder by suicide.
The daisy chain of evil has to be broken. Or perhaps a better metaphor would be the paper cutout doll chain needs to be broken lest it unfold into infinity, damaging all it touches.
But no one helps. The psychopath’s whispering campaign is absolutely and totally believed. The victim is almost never even told, ‘the word on the street about you is . . . ., thought you should know.’ Sad.
May 14th, 2012 at 16:47
Please HELP…
I’ve been reading much looking for help, hoping there might some for me here.
The situation is very complex, so I will only report the very salient points.
The sociopath in my life is my nephew’s wife; the victim I am most concerned about is my 20 yr. old daughter.
I hadn’t met his wife until we moved into their home from across the country 5 years ago. The plan was to stay just a couple of months until I could find a job, but it took almost 9 months. During that time, my nephew’s wife “bought” my daughter’s affections and then began to poison her against me. She took her for body piercings without my knowledge, forging my signature for consent, and then encouraged my daughter to lie to me about it. My 15 yr. old became more and more defiant of me. And my nephew, who is weak and concerned about losing his son in any custody confrontation, looked the other way.
Her manipulations of my daughter did not end even when we moved into our own place. She would sneak my daughter out of the house when I was at work, buying her things, even encouraging my daughter to report me to Child Protective Services (the Social Worker marked the case “Unfounded” – but it will be in the state records for 10 yrs.).
On the day my daughter turned 18, my nephew’s wife took her out of school to get a tattoo. She sent her a birthday card which said “Congratulations on turning 18. You don’t have to listen to anyone anymore!”
Then, a year later, just after my daughter graduated high school, she left home and moved in with my nephew and his wife – and has cut me off from any normal relationship with her. I only hear from her when she wants something from me. She’s been there almost 10 months now and I have no hope that it will change.
My daughter’s immaturity and dependent personality is also complicit is this scenario. And I take responsibility as well. I adopted my daughter from infancy as a single parent, and made her the center of my universe. By handing her life on a silver platter, she always expected things to be easy. She never learned to deal with disappointments and was never very willing to work hard for anything. Is my guilt showing?
As a single parent, I’ve struggled sometimes to support us. My nephew is wealthy and by extension, so is his wife. They indulge my daughter with whatever she wants. They are enabling her not to grow up and learn responsibility. This is the part that worries me. As long as she lives with them, there is no real reason for her to grow and learn to become independent. My nephew goes along with it because his wife demands it of him and he will do anything to appease her. His wife – also very immature – gets much satisfaction having a 20 yr. old as her BFF (she herself is over 50) and thinking about how much she is hurting me. (She made me her enemy soon after we moved into their house – which I believe had much to do with her rocky marriage to my nephew).
I know from my extensive readings about sociopaths not to have anything to do with his wife. What I need help with is how to get my daughter out of there (and off to college – which we had been planning for 2 years). Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Karen
May 14th, 2012 at 21:18
Karen,
i apologize that I did not reply to your previous post since i consider myself unqualified as i have never had children, although i had step children.
i dont have to tell you that you have a delicate siutation, you already know that as your daughter is a legal adult.
you will probably need to take a leap of faith that things will change and the laws of probability is on your side. hopefully as time goes by, your daughter will determine that the situation is not working out and get out. you will need to determine how you are going to handle that when that time comes, and you probably have an idea. one of my theories in dealing with a spaths situation is boundarys, or allowing ourselves to override them.
the spath is probably using your daughter as a disciple and as an an audiance as the spath daily runs ripshod over the rest of the family. the spaths love drama. however, they get bored easily. when the spath gets bored, and she sees no more value in your daughter, she will encourage the daughter to move on. one other item that you can just about count on, spaths have a natural way of always messing things up, its just a matter of when. i have to think outloud to myself, what role their son is in.
you mention that the spath and nephew are in a rocky phase, so i expect this situation to come to a head, just a matter of when.
you will probably need to “act” like you are over the whole thing and ready for your life to move on. dont let them see you sweat. it will be just an act, but dont give that whole group the satifisfaction that you are bothered by anything that is going on over there.
i hope that some of this was helpful and i apologize for the mispellings, the keyboard sticks a lot.
May 14th, 2012 at 22:32
Many thanks Jon for insights and encouragement.
Karen