2010.11.30

Character assassination is an attempt to tarnish [or destroy] a person’s reputation. It may involve exaggeration or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. It is a form of defamation and can be a form of ad hominem argument.*

The Irreversible Effects

For living individuals targeted by character assassination attempts, this may result in being rejected by his community, family, or members of his or her living or work environment. Such acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify, and the process is likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can last a lifetime or, for historical figures, for many centuries after their death.

Maliciously Deceptive Defamation

In practice, character assassination may involve doublespeak, spreading of rumors, innuendo or deliberate misinformation on topics relating to the subject’s morals, integrity, and reputation. It may involve spinning information that is technically true, but that is presented in a misleading manner or is presented without the necessary context. For example, it might be said that a person refused to pay any income tax during a specific year, without saying that no tax was actually owed due to the person having no income that year, or if a person was sacked from a firm, even though they may have been made redundant rather than actually fired. Source: Wikipedia.org

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*in simple terms, an “ad hominem argument” is when someone attacks your character instead of the point you try to make.

74 Responses to “Character Assassination Definition”

  1. Debbie Says:

    Oh god. Thats exactly what my brother did!

    He told everyone I got my mom kicked out of the first nursing home! Even told her family back east. Truth was. I had to BEG the hospital NOT to send her back to that dreadful place. I begged and pleaded with the hospital’s social worker. I could hear my brother outside the doorway saying matter of factly, she’s not going anywhere! But he made a mistake in front of the social worker and she did what I asked, thank god!

    When mom had gone to the NEW nursing home I had picked out a former aid from the other one even told me my mom would have died in the other one had she gone back there. But my brother had everyone at the first one wrapped around his finger. He lied and they had a negative opinion of me before I even walked in the door. They didn’t take care of my mom and he didn’t care. He even conned the social worker and book keeper there to give him POA over my father who ended up dying there.

    I don’t think there’s enough room in here to tell you the hell he put me and my mom through. He wouldn’t even allow us to move my dad to the same nursing home mom was at so they could be together. He kept my dad away from her the last month of his life.

  2. Becca Says:

    I am so sad that my world of associates continues to dwindle because of the subtle words, set ups and comparisons to unlikable TV/Movie characters that my soon to be ex husband continues to make about me when around others.

    He trashed my reputation to such lengths that I don’t even know where to even begin to try and 1) show these people that I am not the person he is making me out to be. I do continue to take the high road and save face the best I can (since I do have a son that is 6 years old) but is there anything I can do to show people what he is about?

    I would appreciate something that may work. His behaviors and tall tales are also having an effect on my son’s social life too. I am an attractive person, a caring nice person, have always been popular and well liked. People that don’t have any idea who I am hate me because of my ex husband. He has done this to me even before we were divorcing. But know it has begun and taken hold in my new town and school district. What can I do? Something please !

  3. Larry Says:

    @ Becca …

    I know the sadness all too well. I only know a fraction of what has been said about my life and character, but those who do know the lies will never tell. I came to the conclusion after believing I could spread the truth about me that it was all too late. Those people, even family members, didn’t want to listen to me. In the eyes of many, I am an true outcast.

    I eventually came to terms with what I was faced with, and instead of taking the route of continually being so depressed and not achieving anything positive, I accepted I had to let go, and erase them from my life. That included my two daughters.

    In my experience, I’ve never heard a victim turn things around, though I would hope it’s happened. That has the effect of taking you down, but do not let it. Come to peace with your life and future, and the new people you will meet.

  4. Steph Says:

    @Becca…

    This is a very hard situation (the smear campaign). I appreciate your comments, Larry, and would love to hear how long it took you to get to a place of peace, and some steps along the way.

    I keep bouncing back and forth between having resolve to get through it, and despair that I cannot go on.

    I wish it did not appear to me this way, but honestly what it looks and feels like is that he lobbed excrement at me and it stuck. All over me. So that that is now what anyone sees when they look at me, and they recoil in disgust and revulsion. I’m painting this analogy in an extreme way… some days are better. But overall, it is this awful, dirty feeling like there are still pieces of it stuck on me somewhere that I couldn’t reach, or am unaware of (maybe it’s in my hair??? on my back???).

    I have felt the attacks on my character physically. I mean, my chest aches in my heart region (not a heart ailment — a broken heart). My back aches. It is like a heavy burden. I would love to feel happy and joyful again.

    No, I’m not going to call this “depression.” I feel that I have been attacked! Like a sneering playground bully ropes in others to shun, humiliate, ostracize the victim.

    I don’t even need to explore “why” any more. I think I know why. But the why does not matter. What I’d really like to know is — how can I get my Self back? or birth a new, clean and shiny Self, without this hateful excrement smeared all over me? I have lost my confidence, my formerly positive nature. I know I must be off-gassing some of this putrid smear that got stuck on me. Or something. I cannot figure out by force of will or anything how to be cheerful, attractive (I mean my spirit) again. I feel so hurt and damaged by this.

    So how long does it take to heal, and are there any concrete things that you have done which have helped you feel that you are making progress and not spinning wheels?

  5. Debbie Says:

    Gosh Becca I wish I could hug you. My oldest brother put me in the hospital. the dr’s called it an anxiety attack. At the time everything was so insane. It took me a little over two years to calm down. I seldom have the flash backs now. Thank God.

    I only have contact with my sister & my mom who are now in California. I had my phone number changed. I unfriended his two grown kids from my face book page. Occasionally I will see his name and those old feelings come flooding back. But I can talk myself out of it better now.

    My entire family is just sick and the less contact with them the better. Mom is a major co – dependent and in complete denial even though my oldest brother tried to kill her. Another brother is a major alcoholic just like my dad was. The other a sociopath. Another brother is the sociopaths follower as well as my oldest son. Who I suspect, inherited the disorder. UUUggghhh…I better stop writing. I am getting upset again.

  6. Becca Says:

    Wow ! I know that exact feeling of persons looking at you like you are nothing but a piece of S_ _ T and me wondering how unbelievably stupid these people really are..to believe this complete idiot that can “sell sand in the Sahara” “Snowballs to eskimo’s” and you know, that whatever he is saying to these people, to initially rope them in is only the words that they want to hear because of some void or insecurity that he is able to zero in on; and he doesn’t mean one bit of kindness or sincerity in his words or actions ever.

    He is using them while he continues to abuse me mentally, emotionally. He is still trying to wear me down physically by destroying my looks and body structure. But I am still trying to hang in there eventhough I feel as if I am suffering at times from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of the constant daily abuse I receive because of him and the actions of his disciples, he has many. I get so upset, like yesterday while driving in my car I began to cry.

    Why in the world was I so naive and trusting to allow this evil vindictive shell of a human to enter into my life. I was always so sharp when it came to the character of others but this one slipped through..I am still pretty, funny, kind and would move heaven and earth for my son and the people I love. I am a nurse and care for people as if they were my own family. I am such a people person and this predator is taking away my life as I have always known it. I am not going to give in though..that is how I feel right now.

    It does wax and wane..some days strong and others not so strong. I pray and go to the chapel when I am at work and ask Jesus for strength. He went through this, persons turning on him, doubting him and questioning him constantly. It is all I can do, in addition to the conscious efforts I make daily. Praying to Jesus is my way to begin the letting go process.

  7. David Says:

    I found this well written. I’ve had a Sociopath in my life for ten years and did not know it. I ever knew anything about sociopaths. But in fact they destroy what people think of you, before destroying you. Once the Sociopath is done with you, no one will ever believe the truth.

  8. Debbie Says:

    Becca.

    I didn’t know my oldest brother had the disorder until I defended my mom and another brother he was trying to hurt. He hid it very well all those years. Well into his late 50′s. Growing up I just thought he was a bully. The typical older brother picking on the siblings. He never worked a day in his life and I recall in the hippy era he was explaining how he could get money & free things without working for them.

    In his youth he stoled quite often and I always wondered why my parents wouldn’t say anything about “Stuff” he would bring home even a purebred Doberman pinscher pup when he was in his teens. (Mom was co-dependent and didn’t want to get him in trouble by exposing him.) He was in trouble often with the law during his youth.

    Later, I felt bad for another brother, one of his targets was never invited to any of his BBQ’s. We were all there, all of us kids, “The Gang” together again. except this one. It just didn’t feel right. I ask him if I could go bring him. & the sociopath said no. He kept having Thanksgivings at his house even though I had made the dinners at my parents for when my siblings came to visit out of state. He just didn’t get it that they came to visit mom & Dad, not Him & his wife. He does thrive on being the center of attention.

  9. David Says:

    Normal people need to stay away from Sociopths if you can. My Sociopath was my friend. ( but really was not ) He stocked me, liad to me and conned me, stole a lot of money from me, even my wallet. The friends I did have, he stole them to. Sociopaths think they are the most important people in the world. They are bullies.

  10. Nancy Says:

    @Becca and Debbie, That is the part that bothers me too. The person assassinating my character has an enormous amount of superficial relationships. Often, when I go places people ask if I’m related to him. I know when they mention me that will be the end of my reputation with that person. Because this sociopath is so gregarious, I feel like the whole world thinks I’m so gross – even though that’s not true. I feel like even if I moved across the world, I will carry that feeling with me.

    This person is a sibling and he did this all through my childhood too. So not only am I battling my self-esteem in the present but it brings back flashbacks from childhood.

  11. David Says:

    I have been doing so much reading on Sociopaths, ever since I was destroyed. And that’s how I feel, bad or angry. Because I know I cant go back to where I used to live, people think you are the bad one. and thats how the sociopath wants you to feel, bad. That makes them feel something. No one believes that I am not the person who he said I was. And you know I did move across the country three years ago after the encounter. And I still have to carry that loss.

  12. Blacksheep Says:

    For the past 16 + years I have been under character assination by a sibling. All for the sole purpose of manipulating our mother and her property.

    Sociopath sibliing has not only attacked MY character but also the character of all my other siblings. She has individually and privately spoke to each of us about the other siblings as if we were all so wicked and evil that we should not be allowed or trusted around/with our mother.

    Sociopath sibling has managed to turn both my children against me via the pack of unfounded lies they are telling constantly. Only recently in the past few months has my eldest child come to realize and catch their sociopath aunt in three lies in one day.

    Since that time eldest child, myself and another sibling victim have banded together. We’ve had many gut wrenching brutally honest wee hours of the morning conversations and cleared up many a conflict. We three along with my spouse and my in-laws have grown much closer and now have a bond that is much stronger than any I’ve ever had the privelage of being a part of.

    My mother passed away one month and five days ago. In that time sociopath sibling has gone to two counties within my state and accused myself and my spouse of sexually abusing children and child pornography, many within my immediate family were personally questioned several times, no charges have ever been filed and the Deputy Sheriff said there would be none filed. Allogations were unfounded. That’s how I spent valentine’s day 2012.

    Sociopath sibling attempted to get a restraining order on my eldest child. They went to court and in front of the judge sociopath sibling lied about paying all my mother’s medical expenses and home health care for the past six years. My mother was on medicare/medicaid and I can prove it. All charges were dropped. Again allogations were unfounded AND sociopath sibling lied in court and now her lies are a matter of public record! AND can and will be used against her in another court of law!

    I just found out today that sociopath sibling and their spouse were wearing guns at my mother’s funeral! Several people saw the guns, I did not.

    I have NEVER done one thing to sociopath sibling or their spouse to justify them feeling so unsafe as to feel the need to wear guns!

    All hell is about to break loose here as our attorney has filed with the courts the desires of my eldest child and one sibling victim to be appointed by the courts administrators of my mother’s estate. THIS maneuver will force the sociopath sibling to step up with the original will: our copies appear to have been altered.

    When sociopath sibling waves the will around in the air and states that they now have the right to all mother’s belongings and property our attorney will say BUT WAIT, what about this forged Quit Claim Deed? Seems to ME YOU do not have the right to the house, by law it belongs to another sibling and YOU need to turn over the keys to the house and return anything and everything you have removed from the premises.

    Sociopath sibling has hauled several loads of mother’s stuff out of state and has given many items away and more than likely has sold a few also. Too bad, get it all back here ASAP.

    It’s dificult at best to keep ones head screwed on straight in situations like this. Once you get someone out from under the spell of the sociopath you need to begin discussing past actions and possible future reachions from the sociopath and above and beyond all else keep your guard up and do not go anywhere alone.

    I say this because when a sociopath does not get the results they wanted from their lies they will get mad and will get violent. expect it, get prepared for it.

    Keep recording devices on you at all times, cameras and binoculars too. DO NOT miss one opportunity to collect any and all damning evidence agaunst them which might be usable in court. They will not stop until they are behind bars.

  13. Debbie Says:

    Well. I thought I was over it but I ended up in the hospital with another anxiety attack mid January. My son choked on a piece of candy the night before and the emergency room dr said that was a “trigger.” For all the stuff I had been holding inside. My son is fine thank god.

    Scared the hell out of me. I woke up at midnight that night with heart attack symptoms, shaking like a drunk on DT’s. , I couldn’t catch my breath. Felt like I was going to faint. I had my husband take me to the er. At the time I really thought I was dying. All the heart tests came back negative the next day. The flashbacks came flooding back. Stuff I thought I had tried to block from my thoughts. The hospital dr prescibed sedatives. I am only taking them when I absolutely need them because they are said to be addicting. They told me to see a primary care physican in two weeks which I didn’t have. So I choose the one my mother went to when she lived here.

    Now I am fighting when them to get the prescriptions refilled because the hospital dr’s name is on the bottles and not the Dr I choose. I have no medical insurance mind you so my sociopathic brother is still affecting our lives with these huge medical and hospital bills. David. I wish we could stay away from them. I wish I could move far away from this town. I wish I could sleep at night without taking medication. I wish I had an “Off” button” in my head.

  14. David Says:

    Believe me moving away does not help to much, because I believe what people go through you still live with it. I to have the same problem. The whole thing of just turning off. When I wake up everything that has happened to me starts all over again. I think about it every moment. I make bad disions because of what’s on my mind. There are times, when I too can’t get a breath in.

  15. pathwhisperer Says:

    Hi folks,

    Wow, just wow. Valuable discussion.

    I borrowed parts of this for my blog.

    My added comments:

    Why are these character assassinations so believed, that the victim himself is never told the accusations? Amazing. The effects are not small, the victim’s life is absolutely devastated.

    It not only extends through every moment of the victim’s life, but extends outward. The victim’s stress is brought home to their family. Divorces result. The victim’s preoccupation (or spreading cancer of anxiety) distorts the victim’s judgement, and causes the victim to miss cues from others, sometimes important ones. Sleep is hard, activated anxiety centers never go to sleep.

    Imagine what Becca must have felt in her new town as she felt it all happening again. Her silent screams as though she were on thin ice watching the cracks seek her out, following her from her past locations, powerless to affect or stop them. Or perhaps she felt she was being pursued by ghosts that could strike her at will, but that she could neither see nor defend against.

    We are all social animals. We need secure communities of friends and believe we have them. Victims of psychopathic character assassination know that is not true. For them, what was once solid ground becomes a thin crust over a sea of acid. They never know when a footfall will break through.

    It should be pointed out that the psychopath’s aim is murder, murder by suicide.

    The daisy chain of evil has to be broken. Or perhaps a better metaphor would be the paper cutout doll chain needs to be broken lest it unfold into infinity, damaging all it touches.

    But no one helps. The psychopath’s whispering campaign is absolutely and totally believed. The victim is almost never even told, ‘the word on the street about you is . . . ., thought you should know.’ Sad.

  16. Karen Says:

    Please HELP…

    I’ve been reading much looking for help, hoping there might some for me here.

    The situation is very complex, so I will only report the very salient points.

    The sociopath in my life is my nephew’s wife; the victim I am most concerned about is my 20 yr. old daughter.

    I hadn’t met his wife until we moved into their home from across the country 5 years ago. The plan was to stay just a couple of months until I could find a job, but it took almost 9 months. During that time, my nephew’s wife “bought” my daughter’s affections and then began to poison her against me. She took her for body piercings without my knowledge, forging my signature for consent, and then encouraged my daughter to lie to me about it. My 15 yr. old became more and more defiant of me. And my nephew, who is weak and concerned about losing his son in any custody confrontation, looked the other way.

    Her manipulations of my daughter did not end even when we moved into our own place. She would sneak my daughter out of the house when I was at work, buying her things, even encouraging my daughter to report me to Child Protective Services (the Social Worker marked the case “Unfounded” – but it will be in the state records for 10 yrs.).

    On the day my daughter turned 18, my nephew’s wife took her out of school to get a tattoo. She sent her a birthday card which said “Congratulations on turning 18. You don’t have to listen to anyone anymore!”

    Then, a year later, just after my daughter graduated high school, she left home and moved in with my nephew and his wife – and has cut me off from any normal relationship with her. I only hear from her when she wants something from me. She’s been there almost 10 months now and I have no hope that it will change.

    My daughter’s immaturity and dependent personality is also complicit is this scenario. And I take responsibility as well. I adopted my daughter from infancy as a single parent, and made her the center of my universe. By handing her life on a silver platter, she always expected things to be easy. She never learned to deal with disappointments and was never very willing to work hard for anything. Is my guilt showing?

    As a single parent, I’ve struggled sometimes to support us. My nephew is wealthy and by extension, so is his wife. They indulge my daughter with whatever she wants. They are enabling her not to grow up and learn responsibility. This is the part that worries me. As long as she lives with them, there is no real reason for her to grow and learn to become independent. My nephew goes along with it because his wife demands it of him and he will do anything to appease her. His wife – also very immature – gets much satisfaction having a 20 yr. old as her BFF (she herself is over 50) and thinking about how much she is hurting me. (She made me her enemy soon after we moved into their house – which I believe had much to do with her rocky marriage to my nephew).

    I know from my extensive readings about sociopaths not to have anything to do with his wife. What I need help with is how to get my daughter out of there (and off to college – which we had been planning for 2 years). Any suggestions?
    Thanks,
    Karen

  17. Jon Says:

    Karen,

    i apologize that I did not reply to your previous post since i consider myself unqualified as i have never had children, although i had step children.

    i dont have to tell you that you have a delicate siutation, you already know that as your daughter is a legal adult.

    you will probably need to take a leap of faith that things will change and the laws of probability is on your side. hopefully as time goes by, your daughter will determine that the situation is not working out and get out. you will need to determine how you are going to handle that when that time comes, and you probably have an idea. one of my theories in dealing with a spaths situation is boundarys, or allowing ourselves to override them.

    the spath is probably using your daughter as a disciple and as an an audiance as the spath daily runs ripshod over the rest of the family. the spaths love drama. however, they get bored easily. when the spath gets bored, and she sees no more value in your daughter, she will encourage the daughter to move on. one other item that you can just about count on, spaths have a natural way of always messing things up, its just a matter of when. i have to think outloud to myself, what role their son is in.

    you mention that the spath and nephew are in a rocky phase, so i expect this situation to come to a head, just a matter of when.

    you will probably need to “act” like you are over the whole thing and ready for your life to move on. dont let them see you sweat. it will be just an act, but dont give that whole group the satifisfaction that you are bothered by anything that is going on over there.

    i hope that some of this was helpful and i apologize for the mispellings, the keyboard sticks a lot.

  18. Karen Says:

    Many thanks Jon for insights and encouragement.
    Karen

  19. Mark Says:

    These are truly unbelievable. That is until I had my eyes opened for me as I approach 60 years old.

  20. Susan Says:

    I am so saddened to see so many victims on this site. I was – and may still be to date – the victim of a female sociopath.

    People don’t believe me when I say that this person was an absolute stranger to me. She didn’t know me at all, but had seen me visiting her place of work.

    She spread malicious rumors about me and I was gangstalked by several people who decided she must be telling the truth. Horrible things were said, and children as well as adults were also used in the harrassment.

    The stalkers cleverly managed to conceal from my husband what was going on, and to this day it is fruitless to confide in him, as he just pushes it to one side as the rantings of an over-active imagination. I know just how evil these ‘creatures’ can be. However, I am fortunate in believing in a divine form of justice, and you say that the damage can never be undone.

    Well my friend, it can and will be undone. God will undo the damage and mete out justice in His own time. We just need to be a little patient as God does not do these things in a timespan we would recognise as reasonable.

    These sociopaths will face the judgement, and I guarantee that those who followed them and did their bidding will see the truth, be ashamed of their actions and will have to repay, and reap every last ounce of evil that they have sown against their victims.

    I promise you, there will be justice, but not necessarily from man. Never lose hope and remember, never give up on life. You have a right to life and liberty while you are still on this earth.

  21. Larry Says:

    Susan,

    What you describe is textbook psychopathy. People that never experience it, such as your husband, just can’t believe it.

    It permeates our society, and the masses just believe the lies as fact, when it is only hearsay. There are a lot of shallow people walking amongst us, instead of critical thinkers.

  22. Larry Says:

    Mark,

    It wasn’t until my 50s that I realized the majority of my family, while I was growing up, have psychopathic traits, and one is full blown, without a doubt. Learning about psychopathy answered many question that I was holding in for decades.

  23. Becca Says:

    Susan,

    These people and my soon to be ex is a complete nightmare. He causes mayhem, has followers and has nothing to do with his life but to lets say “BULLY” Target #1 me,then our 7 yo child and still he will cause problems for the first ex wife and their 16 yo daughter whenever he sees an “open door” to jump in and create doubt & mayhem.

    Yes, I give it to the man above and maybe someday this nightmare of an empty shell will bully the wrong person; (Female, Child or Elderly Person), that is the type of people he goes after. Thanks Susan for sending out some words of hope.

  24. Susan Says:

    Re: Becca.

    I think ‘empty shell’ is an apt term to use. I am not sure if these ‘people’ really have souls. I am not even sure if they are properly human, at least in the way we understand human beings to be.

    They certainly gather ‘followers’ around them and I have seen this happen as well. I think they do it for self protection. They know no one will dare confront them with a gang of bullies looking after them.

    The gangstalking started for me only after I tried to distance myself from the main bully/psychopath; that is when they went after me and the street skits began.

    Lately however, the street stuff has stopped, but it is impossible to know whether it will start up again.

    I have told my husband on numerous occasions that we would be better off moving away, but he refuses to listen and doesn’t seem to understand what has happened.

    I could be in danger even though everything has gone quiet around me. Unfortunately he will only believe something is wrong if something very serious was to happen.

    These people have shown they are quite willing to commit offences. The psychopath behind this seems to display extraordinary vindictiveness and is prepared to go to any lengths, it seems.

  25. Larry Says:

    Susan,

    That’s a new one on me. What is a “street skit”?

  26. Becca Says:

    Susan,

    Is the “street skits” the orchestrated mayhem they create ? I have fallen victim to a multitude of set ups time and time again. I have actually gotten better at avoiding the “set up” but I am human and he is “lucifer” so I do fall victim to his pranks, these manufactured situations make him appear the victim, so mistreated by me. I do nothing to him ever. I honestly don’t play these games, nor do I have the time.

  27. dav Says:

    Susan, I had a Sociopath in my life and It had people follow me too. I believe that the followers get information about you. This is so It knows where you go and knows what you are doing. Try your best to get away or keep a low profile. In my case I left the area. That was the best thing I could ever have done for my self. I will prey for your safty.

  28. Susan Says:

    Re; Larry and Becca.
    ‘Street skits’ is a term I picked up reading about other victims’ experiences with stalking. Basically it means any harrassment that takes place on the street, whether it is covert or obvious. It can involve anything from name-calling, staring, to threats of violence, and of course following the person, or watching them, stuff like that.

    Dav; My best bet would be to leave the area quietly and not let anyone know where I have gone. But my husband won’t leave and he doesn’t believe me.

    I have told ‘Victim Support,’ giving them some accounts from my diary, and they were supportive, and told me to get back to them ‘if the situation changes.’ I take it that means if things become more threatening.

    I am keeping a low profile, avoiding the shops and place where the psychopath works. So far nothing has happend for a while now. I am hoping this thing moves on but at the same time I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.

    Having to keep moving on or keep moving around is not really the answer to this problem is it?

  29. Larry Says:

    Susan,

    When I refer to “move” I mean a good distance, more than a hour or two drive, or another state. They may continue to lie about you, but you are not facing it straight on, nor do you need to watch your back. They also may simply lose interest in you and go after someone else. Bottom line is you want to rid them from your daily life.

  30. Susan Says:

    Larry,
    Well, moving is the only option available to us within legal parameters , lol.
    I hope one day we will move. It is a shame, as this is such a nice area. This used to be a lovely neighbourhood to live in.
    I am wondering how I can move without attracting attention. I don’t want anyone to know where I will be going!
    Also, the person responsible seems to have built up a ‘cult’ following around them.

  31. Susan Says:

    Re: pathwhisperer. it is true that the ‘ghosts’ follow you. Even if I were to move I can never forget what they did. But at least moving, like Larry said, provides some freedom from direct contact with the people responsible.
    The veneer of civilization is thin, as the saying goes, and it’s very true. The only real difference between the targeted victim and the rest of the population, is that we actually get to see it for what it is.
    The whole system is a sham really, it is built on lies, and I think it is psychopaths who are probably running it!

  32. dav Says:

    Susan,
    my whole family does’t believe me as well. I have no support from them. They say people don’t do this like that or just for get it. I moved across the country. To a place where life is borning and the food and the employment is not so good. I lost my whole life when the Narcissist, Sociopath found me. I really liked where I was too. So I think to myself, if I remained where I was, sooner or later I would have bumped into the Sociopath or one of its followers. I think that is just one of the problems with being a victim. I feel for you.

  33. Susan Says:

    Re: dav
    I don’t know why some people get targeted and not others. I guess there are certain character traits that predispose some people to this kind of thing more than others, and I certainly have some of those character traits.
    But there is another possibility. This might sound outlandish to some, but it could also be a ‘spiritual battle’, you know!

  34. Larry Says:

    Susan, there’s probably an unlimited number of reasons. It also attributes to the kind of relationship, i.e., neighbor, co-worker, family, and so on.

    It wasn’t until I was in mid-life that I realized that when I was a child, it was based on pure jealousy from my sister, and her lies about me to my dad (and everyone else). Before my dad died, he and I got very close, and it started all over with my sister.

    Then I discovered things that I called her on, not knowing at the time how deceptive they were. I stepped in it and can’t shake it off. She realized that i knew too much.

    My boss told me what I didn’t want to hear, and when she was told I went to security, she and all her cronies banished and tried to destroy me … well, they did destroy me.

    Just because of their charm, they pull innocent people in, and when that innocent person wants out, they become a target. I have a female friend who within the past couple years got married, but is extremely unhappy now since his traits mirror a psychopath and a narcissists. She wants to leave, but she’s afraid.

    And a psychopath might not just like someone, so they target that person. And the swarm of disciples follow the sociopath’s lead and spread the destruction. I don’t think it can be a simple reason how someone becomes a target.

  35. Becca Says:

    From my own experience, there is nothing about the psycho and the followers that is simple; when it comes to the target and the assault upon the target. “Norman” is so good at playing the part he wants to portray, accompanied by a mind that is a steel trap and never forgets a thing, he is so calculated and controlled when playing the part of whatever it is he wants others to believe. I am exhausted today and often, as he and his disciples are relentless in the stalking and tricks that they play. But I keep standing up for my child and myself at every turn… I do have a couple of key persons on my side and I intend to keep them !

  36. Susan Says:

    I am so sorry for the situation with your family, particularly with your sister. That must be very hard for you indeed.
    But I was targeted by a stranger. I have no problems with my family or my immediate neighbours either, so how can I get anyone to believe what I say?

    People would just say, “Strangers don’t do that. It must be someone you know, either a colleaugue or a relative.” But this person, she falls into neither category.

    Why would a strange female want to stalk me and set so many people in the community against me? I’ve had people who work at her place, cross the road when they see me coming. Usually they won’t talk to me though, but sometimes it can be more malicious.

    It’s kind of insane really. Dare I call it demonic? Her followers are trapped now. If they turn against her or she percieves one of them as a threat, they could be in for a lot of trouble. So nobody even dares stick up for me or say anything in my favour, and that includes men as well as women.

    These people live in a dog-eat-dog world. The followers think they are safe, but they are treading on eggshells.
    I have a very strong feeling she is sociopathic, as she seems to have some of the character traits associated with it.
    When I used to visit the store where she worked, I could see how she behaved around some of her workmates. She also hated me going in there.

    I will probably never know for sure, as no sociopath would ever willingly be tested for the disorder.
    I pray that one day I can leave this place and never come back.
    I never want to see these people agiain.

    (P.S. By the way, Larry, I like your website, it’s excellent. Bravo!)

  37. Larry Says:

    Susan,

    Thank you for the kind words. It is somewhat demonic. There’s no sense to the evil manipulation these humans practice. I believe that probably all psychopaths are also narcissistic. They live in a fabricated world of their own, thinking about nothing but themselves. Why this woman targeted you could be that she’s jealous of you in some way. That’s just one possibility. Move when you can.

  38. Dav Says:

    Becca, Susan;

    I believe that the a large part of the Sociopaths drive is being jealous and envyus. And thinking nothing but them selves is very true. As I remember, if I was not manipulated is some way, they lie or trick you. Or they will made anything up. In my case, if I said one thing (IT) would use that against me in some way. As we all know Narcissist Sociopaths do when ever it takes to get what they want.

    My Sociopath was a co-worker. He had other co-workers help to force me out of employment. Once that was done. He had them fired or pushed them out. (It) had other people do the dirty work for him if at all possible.

  39. Becca Says:

    I try so hard to not have to be anywhere around “Norman” so that I don’t have to utter a word, a look or anything. It is absolutely mind boggling that the most innocent, unintending word, phrase or gesture gets twisted into something completely out of this world. Today I am trying to lie low, feeling is sad and a little overwhelmed. His followers are always right behind. Well I really am human. : (

  40. Susan Says:

    Dav:

    All-in-all it seems pretty predictable stuff doesn’t it. Slander campaigns, bullying, excluding the victim, mobbing, harrassment, the creation of a group of followers willing to do whatever the psychopath wants. They all seem to do pretty much the same thing, although their techniques may vary occasionally.

    I have a question. Do you believe that sociopaths can form collectives or groups? I know this sounds absurd, but they may be able to ‘empathise’ to the extent that they recognise each other.

    Some of the sociopath’s followers seem just like the sociopath themselves. They are ice cold in front of me, can be aggressive in their speech and body language and totally ignore me the next. Not all the followers are like that, but the inner-circle seems to be. It’s like a ‘cult’ to be honest or they’ve been brainwashed in some way. Don’t know what to make of it!

  41. Larry Says:

    Susan,

    My experience is that multiple psychopaths will easily work in groups. But there tends to be an alpha psychopath who the others look up to. This experience is from my own relatives.

  42. Dav Says:

    Susan,

    I believe, they can collect in groups. Mostly because they have traits in common, greed, heartless, bulling and so on. But I don’t think they notice. And I am just puting that out to you because of the reading I have been doing. I could be wrong. Hang in there Susan one day at a time.

    Larry, Susan and all who are on this site. It helpls to write about my experience, to read yours and to share information with everyone. Thank You.

  43. Susan Says:

    Re: Larry, That’s exactly my experience, a group that seems to have an alpha sociopath; although it doesn’t involve relatives, only a group of seeming ‘strangers.’

    Becca: I am lying low as well. It’s absurd as I have honestly done nothing wrong. Why should I have to ‘lie low’ – I am no criminal.

    Dav: I am hanging in there, but the best solution would be to leave the area. We can’t do that at the moment, so yes, I am hanging on and just avoiding as many people as I can, only going out when I have to work or when we travel a long way from the area.

  44. Larry Says:

    Susan,

    There does seem to be an alpha in many cases, but they can also be disciples, which can be just as dangerous … if not more so.

  45. Susan xx Says:

    Larry.
    About alpha sociopaths, yes, I have often wondered if that is really the situation. The ‘alpha’ sociopath I identified may be no more than a decoy to put me off the scent.

    I have to wonder how far up the ‘chain of command’ this corruption extends with regard to this franchise. Who is the real psychopath, the one who pulls all the strings? I have had my suspicions, but I can never prove it, unfortunately.

    They have been using their surveillance cameras unlawfully with me, getting their staff to play stupid games in the isles when no one was there to see it except me! A few of them actually really enjoy this stuff, so it must liven up an otherwise boring day. I know this takes a stretch of the imagination, but please just give me the benefit of the doubt!

    This company needs to be careful what kind of staff they employ, but on the other hand, no companies as far as I know do personality tests for sociopathy. So how can they know what kind of people they employ to sit behind those cameras in the backroom?

    Lastly, I know the management have been involved, but it’s difficult to see who the real perpetrators are. It’s either someone on the management or higher, or someone on the shop floor who has the ‘gift of the gab’, so to speak.

    They took this rubbish out into the community and got some of the neighborhood involved. The store is supposed to be there to serve the community, not run campaigns of terror against residents. ‘The devil comes as an angel of light. Sigh!’

  46. Larry Says:

    Susan,

    That’s the big problem. As I’ve said in the past, evil will not succeed if it wore red capes, had horns on their heads, and a pitchfork. They come off as the pillar of the community.

    I know from fact in my family how gullible most people can be; they think they found a super charming person, when indeed it’s the devil in disguise. Those people are shallow and open to temptation.

  47. Susan xx Says:

    Larry;

    Using shop cameras in that way is a misuse of technology and I believe, unlawful.

    Engaging staff in games of ‘cat-and-mouse’ and other vile and underhanded practices against members of the public such as myself, and which goes beyond their actual job description, I also believe to be unlawful.

    These people are such geniuses, that no one would believe me if I approached the authorities about some of their sinister antics. I think they would likely have me Sectioned, particularly if I am up against someone who is seen as a ‘pillar of the community.’

    It is practicably impossible to protect yourself from this type of crime, other than to walk away, leave and never go back.

    Whoever is behind this is completely fearless and utterly ruthless. They don’t care if they lie outright, which they have done to Head Office when I spoke to them, making me look like a fool and a troublemaker.

    I began to realise I was up against something completely beyond my control.

    I also realise that at the end of the day, victims only have each other. Rare is the person who actually finds justice or gets any real help from the system in this type of situation.

    The anger and frustration is only compounded by a sense of helplessness and total confusion.

    So I say again, we only have each other.

  48. Larry Says:

    Susan,

    I am confused with your term “shop cameras” and the legality of it. While you’re not in the US, there may be different terms and laws about the issue.

    Psychopaths are very sinister and smart, which is why that fool so many people. Your word agains there’s has almost foregone conclusion — you’ll tell the truth, he wont. They’ll lie under oath without breaking a sweat. But if you can let a jury hear him or see his actions, it would speak volumes.

    Even if you can record him over the phone, hide a mic on you when you are face-to-face. And there are many “spy” instruments that can help your cause. A simple iPod can record hours of audio and they are quite easy to hide on your body, with a mic running down your sleeve.

    There are many online merchants that sell such covert items, and here’s one: CheatersSpyShop.com but you can google hundreds of them.

    You must be proactive even if you have been burned in the past. Just imagine your ex on the stand, and he lies about something you recorded. And then in his own words the truth comes out. His credibility just got destroyed.

  49. Susan xx Says:

    ‘Shop cameras’ is just a term I use for the surveillance equipment they use to catch shoplifters. Someone has been using it in a way they should not. I don’t know how, and I don’t know who sits behind the camera in the backroom or office.

    I did purchase a disguised camera and carried that around with me. I did manage to film a couple of the perps but I don’t think any of it would be convincing enough in a court.

    Just one example I would like to give: I have been ‘followed’ on the street, but not in the obvious way. I have never been followed from behind as you would expect. Instead the perp would get ahead of me until they were a few yards ahead (often on the opposite side of the road where my camera is not likely to be pointing) and then ‘survey’ me from the front, looking back frequently until either they or myself am out of sight.
    So if I filmed them doing this it looked as if I was the one doing the stalking and the harrassing. Teenagers or children of school age were often used, sometimes the occassional adult.

    By this point they knew I had a camera, probably by close observation when I was in the shop.

    The controlling psychopath has been using children, and I think they might have wanted to get me into a situation where it looked as if I was harrassing youngsters?
    So I have tried carrying a camera on me. Does anyone realise that sometimes your own camera can be used against you? It is also clear that certain members on the management team don’t want any direct interaction with me. Body language has been used, but I can’t go into all of it here.

    It is a long story, very detailed and very unbelievable and I have kept quite a diary until up to now.

    I know all this sounds far-fetched and weird, but I just wanted to share a few of the more ‘intimate’ details. The trouble is the more details I share the more crazy it sounds.

    So I no longer use this place and decided to go elswhere, but it means making a longer journey. (I have had to change my routine to avoid the psychopath and minimise contact with the followers). I am terrified of going in there, just in case everything kicks off again.

  50. Jim Says:

    Susan,

    I’m very familiar with what you explained. It’s exactly what I’ve experienced after taking a small private company to court 10 years ago. They’re spreading rumors and stalking me like crazy. It all started on my job and then someone started the same stalking and rumors in my neighborhood.

    My story is also very detailed and very unbelievable. I think what’s happening is very dangerous. Eventually it’s going to cause confrontation because I know some of the people involved. I’m not the only person that’s angry at these people. I hope they have enough common sense to realize they should stop before someone get seriously hurt.

    Jim

  51. dave Says:

    The Sociopath that was in my life had me followed as well. (It) knew where I was when I was not around. I found this out much later by the way he was acting. Or being in the career I was in at the time, we had GPS avalible for cell phones or cars. GPS is eazy to buy for cars. I think Sociopaths are very paranoid and they think people are out to get them. I went through the rumer my self, which I didn’t know at the time. At the end, nothing could be fixed.

  52. Susan Says:

    Re: Jim.
    Apologies for the late reply. Encounters with the disciples still happen to me from time-to-time. I was in my car a week ago and as I turned a corner another car approached me from my side. My husband was with me at the time but as usual he saw nothing.
    It turned out to be one of the perps in her own car. She looked straight at me and gave me the characteristic evil sneer or look of complete ‘disgust.’

    One day these people’s faces will snarl up and they won’t be able to get get them back to normal.

    These perpetrators just go on-and-on, forever. They have been so completely brainwashed – I would say hypnotised – they have got to the point where the behaviour has become programmed into them. Only psychopaths can do that to people, control their minds to that extent. No normal human being is capable of that level of control over someone else. That’s why I think that a lot of cults are run by psychos. They know how to snatch people’s minds/souls away from them.

    Re: Dave.
    It changes you forever. I can never trust anyone ever again. When I go out I now have to cross the road when I see someone coming.

    I should move away, but I can’t convince my husband of what has been happening. They try things on even when I am with him. I could be forgiven for thinking that I am living in a lunatic asylum when I wake in the morning. This is not a sane society I am afraid.

  53. dave Says:

    Susan, It is hard to convince people who don’t know about Sociopaths. I tried to exlain just a little bit of my experence and I am told ( people don’t do that or just get over it ). I remember when I didn’t know about Sociopaths, I was young and had my whole life in front of me. I was left with nothing. Try not to show you fear if you can. I think that’s what Sociopaths like. But that is just my opinion. I was afraid to and still am at at times, just because he is filled with hate, greed, envy. That’s one reason why I can’t go back just for a day or two and see that part of the State I was in.

  54. Susan Says:

    Re; Dave.

    I think in my case the sociopath is just as likely to be a woman. People need to be made more aware of this.

    I have met quite a few seemingly narcissistic/sociopathic women throughout my life. It might be because I have worked with women much more than with men. I question the official stastistics that say there are more male psychopaths than female ones. The stastistics might be wrong.

    We always seem to place psychopaths in the male category as ‘he’ but there is another side to the coin and that remains hidden away. I can give my own reasons for why this might be.

    The first is that people might feel more inclined to be ‘protective’ towards a female sociopath and so they cover for her if she does anything bad.

    A second reason is that she may be much more devious and underhanded with her techniques than her male counterparts, making her far more dangerous. For example, she may resort to psychological violence rather than physical, or get someone else who is stronger to carry out the physical stuff for her.

    Another reason is that virtually no studies have been done into female psychopathy, making such women practically invisible in society. Next to nothing is known about the disorder in women.

    Another reason could be that society as a whole is simply in denial about women psychopaths, and can’t come to terms in the same way with it.

    I am not trying to play the feminist card, but I do think it remains very diffiicult to identify a woman as a sociopath, even if she is one, for all those reasons.

  55. dave Says:

    Susan,
    You could be correct on that. I am still learning about Sociopaths I think. The only reason I found out is by chance, when I was reading about con men and putting (Its) behavior together and digging around in my mind of what I went through. I couldn’t believe it. After the meny books I have read and the web sites I went on, after three years, I still have a hard time about. But now I know what (it) is. I believe also, the general population hasn’t a clue really.

  56. Susan Says:

    Re Dave: I have read loads of info online about sociopathy, but no books -isn’t that awful, lol. Must get down to reading at least a couple of books on the subject.

    Thomas Sheridon, who is one such author on the subject has videos up on Youtube and I’ve listened to a few of them. He suggested that psychopaths have a purpose in the world, and that is to ‘help’ the rest of us to evolve spiritually.
    I used to buy into that theory, but now I tend to reject it for the several reasons.

    Such an idea would make many victims angry. For one thing I can’t see how such suffering ‘improves’ anyone? I don’t think it has improved me in the slightest; on the contrary, it has made me less trusting and more cynical towards other people: a sad fact but it has changed me and not necessarily for the best, although I think it quite possibly HAS made me more understanding towards victims.

    Sheridon’s theory is based on the premise that suffering is good for you. But suffering lies and character assassination by a psycho? Is that ‘good’ for the victim? Is it good for the victim when lots of people don’t talk to them anymore; when their neighbours shun them; when their ability to find friendship or employment is compromised? I have serious doubts about that.
    Of course maybe it depends on the ‘type’ of suffering, but I wouldn’t give any credence to psychopaths at all. Psychopaths and their followers are a cancer in society, that is all; they do nothing to improve the world.

    I think we would have a vastly better world if we did not have this evil social problem in our midst.

  57. dave Says:

    Evolve spiritually, really! How? My spirit and my life was fine. (its) spirit needed work. I forgot (it) does not have one. And who is this Sheridon person, and what is that persons E-mail. I would like to tell what trama I live with. I am fourty two, with out a home, a career, had to move, all because I was a better person than (it). I learned nothing from what happend to me except for their is the anti-christ and they are The Sociopath. Not only did (it) take ten years of my life but the rest of it as well! Oh, I did learn about Life games and the desruction that it caused me, good for me. I am still venting.

  58. Susan Says:

    Re: Dave.

    Thomas Sheridon’s videos can be found on Youtube. Some of what he says certainly is interesting, but there are other ideas of his that I find highly questionable.

    Sheridon has said that he thinks psychopaths may have a purpose in the world, that is, to bring about the process of evolution in true human beings, albeit unwittingly on the part of the psychopath. He only states this as a possibility, but it is an idea I can no longer buy into.
    I don’t think the experience has done anything at all to help me to ‘evolve’ in any way. How can lies, deceptions and hate campaigns help a victim to evolve or ‘grow?’

    I think one thing it has done for me is to increase my understanding in some ways, even if it is only the realisation that society has a very evil and dark underbelly, a pathological side if you will.

    But I cannot see where I am better as a person. I am less trusting, more cynical, and now a virtual social phobic. That’s why I am on the forums talking to others. I can go out but I am always looking over my shoulder, and I often feel threatened.

    Some evolution!

  59. dave Says:

    Susan, I agree with you too and feel the way you do. I have my up days and my down day,like I have said before. We must try not to let them beet us. One of the reason is we do it for ourselfs and the people who do care for us. And I do believe they try to rub their thaughts onto us. They are less trusting and cynical. My Socioapth projected often. Now I know this! I wish I learned all of this before.

  60. holly Says:

    I had been exposed to a sociopaths malice in a coffee shop and freaked out and threw my paper cup down and ran…He counter acted and filed a false report on me…then went to a college admin who he was personally affiliated with and got her to abuse me through the college process, defamed and suspended. He somehow got a sheriff to false a report.

    I have the evidence of an officer J calling me at 5:56 and another sheriff report exposing what that officer J said and was told by me on the report. The report was timed at 4:45…, officer j did not even call yet…so much more phony docments…. I was falsey charged but never arrested, thank goodness and was never actually charged. I faught it. the sociopath used military for cred and worked in the ada office too….They usually try to get their enemies close (the law).

  61. h Says:

    It is also possible that he lied to the other dsheriff he went to and harrassed them too. I never bought into his reasoning for being an imposter of a priest and living a lie but ghetting a guarenteed way of living. I kept asking him how he could do such a thing and he started getting smug and then just went from glib to hostile with repeated unsubstantiated accusations, a very aggravated demeanor…

    They often will research you and find out what will scafre, discust, or cause you alarm and harrassd you with it untikl you react and then they can fi,le a false report or try to defame you with your being victimized, by them playing a victim. This sociopath went to facebook first and his followers bought his story and gave him ideas, then he went to sheriffs. Sociopaths often need followers to buy their pathologies and that is their confidence to act or ideas on how to be a victim and play the part.

  62. h Says:

    It is also possible that he lied to the other many sheriffs he went to and harrassed them too. I never bought into his reasoning for being an imposter of a priest and living a lie but getting a guarenteed way of living. I also questione dhow he could have a medical claim with military for a specific bone injury when he is out attending and participating in fighting events and practice. I kept asking him how he could do such a thing and he started getting smug and then just went from glib to hostile with repeated unsubstantiated accusations, a very aggravated demeanor…getting close in my face.

    They often will research you and find out what will scare, discust, or cause you alarm (he some how knew I was alone all day most of the time and other things he found out to, I was not aware of) and harrassd you with it until you react and then they can file a false report or try to defame you with your being victimized, by them playing a victim. This sociopath went to facebook first and his followers bought his story and gave him ideas, then he went to sheriffs. Sociopaths often need followers to buy their pathologies and that is their confidence to act or ideas on how to be a victim and play the part.

  63. Blacksheep Says:

    *in simple terms, an “ad hominem argument” is when someone attacks your character instead of the point you try to make.

    Larry and all,

    This year has been a very trying one. Lost my mother in January. Lost my brother in November. BUT …. on the up side, we have had four major court battles with sociopath sibling (actually Narcissist sibilng – no heart no soul no concious) AND we won ALL of them!

    The last one was three orders of protection to rotect myself, my son and one sibling from the Narcissist threats. Took an hour and a half in court but at the end of the Judge’s long speech two of us were granted our protection orders!

    The Narcissist sibling has gone 48 years and never been caught in anything illegal or imoral that she’s done. THIS TIME she got caught and she set her own trap and caught herself! The narcissist sibling caled my daughter to the witness stand to testify in the narcissist behalf. When my daughter stated that it was her who busted up my sister’s hope chest she made in high school, the Judge asked her why she did that. My daughter said, ‘why not”, the Judge asked again ‘WHY would you do that?’ My daughter looked across the court room at the narcissist for an answer and good aunt narcissist said, ‘tell the truth.’ My daughter stated, ‘I did it because my suant wanted it doen and it was too ig a job for her and I didn’t want her hurting herself.’ The Judge said, ‘you may step down I do not need to hear another word, I’m ready to make my ruling.’

    The judge granted two orders of protection for myself and my sister, my son did not get an order of protection. These orders of protection are for one year and are renewable. The narcissist faces 4 years in prison and a $5,000 fine if found to be in violation of the protection order.

    The narcissist said to the Judge, ‘I don’t understand, I have a beneficiary deed, a will and a warranty deed giving me all of mother’s property so I can do with it what I want.’ The judge leaned across his bench and shook his finger in her face and stated, ‘ YOU think you’ve been real slick and not gotten your hands diryt actually doing anything but your last witness gave me everyting I needed to give these people their protection orders, YOU caused that hope chest to be busted up for the soul purpose of hurting these people and THAT was done with mallus. If you do not know what was wrong in busting up the hope chest, I have some serious concerns about you!’

    We go for a Judges Judgement on who owns the house, the narcissist or another sibling, in January. Then on to file suits for defermation of MY character, my sister’s charachter, and elder abuse.

    I read some articles on line written by Sam Vaknin on the Vendictive Narcissist. Good reading and has shed new light in this dark corner of the world. Well worth your time and energy!

    Sincerely,
    Blacksheep

  64. Larry Says:

    That’s great news for you, your son and sibling, Blacksheep. It lets us know that justice can be served. My sister is on the ohter side of the country where I am, and in many way I’m very grateful. But in the case of making a case, getting an attorney there, expense, etc., I’m a bit envious.

    I’d have to go after my brother, first, as he is the executor of my parents trust. Because he’s a CPA, he convinced them that they should make him (brother the dishonest) the executor. It was previously my brother-in-law (an attorney) but he and my sister divorced after I lost both my parents. I still believe my brother-in-law would have not been dishonest.

    But kudos to you!

  65. Anonymous Says:

    I’d prefer to remain anonymous on this one, if that is okay.

    [Editor's note: I assume that everyone remains anonymous on this site. Please always use a fake first name and don't include your last name. Anonymity is the rule.]

    I’ve come across a few sociopaths in my lifetime, and like most, have been damaged more than I realized, and only learned later on just exactly what a sociopath is, and how common they are in this world.

    The worst one is my aunt. Growing up, she was the “cool” aunt that was “so nice” and would shower us kids with gifts and money when she came to visit. She’d also fawn us with attention and compliments. That’s her thing…so sickening sweet at first, and only those closest to her experience her true self and the abuse that she perpetrates. As a teen, I went to spend a week or two at a time during the summer with her and her family, and when I was 20 years old, I moved in with them for a few years. Again, she was nice at first, but it didn’t take long until the mask came off….usually, when the other family members were not around, was when her treatment of me was the worst.

    I could not begin to explain the level and amount of manipulation and fakeness with this person…I think it would take 10 web pages to explain, lol. But she basically used me as a slave to do her housework, and would then tell her husband that she did it all when he came home from work. She used me sort of like a play doll…dragging me to every stupid store or event regardless of whether or not I was interested in it. When I finally decided to tell her I didn’t want to go to these places, the abuse increased 3 fold. She’d call me all sorts of names that could not come close to applying, and would even hit me at times. Only once or twice did I swing back, to which she quickly squawked “I’m going to tell your uncle that you hit me!”

    I could go on for hours writing of a thousand nasty deeds this woman has committed, but let’s just say, that she has managed to drive everyone of her relatives away in her life just because of her BS, with the exception of her two adult sons who still live with her, and will most likely, stay there until she dies. Her husband left her more than 5 years ago, and she tells everyone he only left her because she is overweight…biggest lie ever, but it seems she thinks when she repeats something often enough, it will effectively make it true in the minds of those who should know better. Truth is, she has been overweight for a long as I can remember, even when I was a kid….why would he stay with her all of those years if it was really about her weight? Oh, that’s right…because it’s a lie. More like, he finally got fed up with the increasing abuse, control and manipulation. She’d constantly accuse him of cheating if he came home from work 2 minutes late. She’d take all of his money and go on wild spending sprees on the most outrageous crap. She controlled him 24/7. He was not allowed to do anything other than work, and come home. He never went out, and didn’t have any friends or hobbies outside the home.

    When I married and left her home, she still tried her best to control and abuse me, but when I cut ties with her for awhile, she moved on to her next target…her husband. She did control and abuse him for years, but it increased when she needed a new central target. It seems these people will mess with a lot of people, but they seem to favor focusing a lot of energy on one victim at a time.

    Now that he has been gone, the abuse, control and manipulation has increased with her sons. I’ve been in contact with her on and off through these years, and I’ve witnessed her use fear, guilt, material rewards, and other tools to keep them from leaving her. These “kids” are now in their 30′s and they’ve never left home, never started a family of their own. They don’t have any friends nearby. The few they had moved on with their lives, made their own way in life. They don’t have jobs, and they are all successfully “living off the system” even though I know full well there is nothing wrong with them worth getting assistance. My aunt, the sociopath, even told me years back that she was trying to come up with a way to collect SSI, meaning, faking something…and then giggled about it. I wanted to barf. She has since succeeded in this goal, and now it seems she’s convinced them to get themselves “diagnosed” with something as well, as they seem to survive up there, spending up a storm and keeping up with bills , all while not having jobs.

    At least the one son seems to sense things are wrong, and takes notice of some of the things she does. He shows signs of wanting out, but he’s weak against her ways….whatever she says, he goes along with. When he was interested in going back to college, she talked him out of it citing that he will be lonely and it’s “dangerous” out there near the cities. Then he repeated exactly what she said and I knew, I’d probably not be able to break through this mental hold she has on him. She’s convinced him to be afraid of the world, which he was not so much when he was younger, but now he is. She’s convinced both of them that it’s better to stay living at home, and she’s made them dependent on her. These two, at 30 years of age, have never used a stove top, an oven, a vacuum, washer or dryer, etc. She’s done nothing to prepare them for the real world, and for a long time, I wondered why not…now I know, it was all intentional. She never had plans for them to leave.

    At least the one still talks to me and comes to visit my family. The other son doesn’t bother with us, and during one my last arguments with her, she fed him a bunch of lies that he decided “he didn’t know who to believe, yet he was ready to believe her anyway, and threw some insults my way”. It hurt, but now, I’m over it. The way I see it, there is a certain culpability with the people who go along with the sociopaths. Although it may be easy for an sociopath to lie, it’s up to the listener to decide if they will believe a one sided story without at the very least, talking with the other person, getting the facts, and then determining what they believe. This idea that people believe the lies and don’t tell the victim what is said, only tells me that there is something about their character as well that is just as questionable as the character, or lack thereof, of the sociopath. As far as I’m concerned, if you don’t think I’m worthy of being granted 5 minutes to give my side of a story, then you aren’t worthy of my time, my energy, or a place in my life.

    I’m not only convinced that she is a full-on sociopath, but she also shows many of the signs of the often related disorder…HPD – Histrionic Personality Disorder. She uses a lot of dramatics at the drop of a hat, especially when an argument isn’t going her way. She’s sucking the life out of her sons…this one life they have to live, and they may or may not realize it until it’s far too late. All because she needs someone to control, and doesn’t want to be alone. It’s the epitome of selfishness. No mother wants to see her kids leave, but as mothers, we know it’s a part of life and growing up. We prepare them for life, and let them make their own way because we love them and we know, that each of us is given our own life to live. A mother’s love is not selfish…it’s selfless. This is not about love for her, as I get the strong feeling she doesn’t really love them at all. This woman is far beyond selfish. She’s just outright disgusting.

  66. Larry Says:

    Anon,

    Very said for the live’s of your two cousins. It sounds as if they’ve been brainwashed since they were young. They need to get into counseling so as to try to save the rest of their lives.

  67. Catherine Says:

    I work with a woman who has character assassinated me, I hate her with a passion, she fits all of the traits here of a sociopath.
    I’m an easy target, I fit the victim before and after. After giving up, not getting upset about it and simply not caring how she has turned the office against me, I feel so much better in myself.

    She is so manipulative and gets aggressive when challanged by me, which I just do for sport just to see her shout and get aggressive because she wants everything on her terms and hates being challenged.

    She doesnt scare me anymore, I just think she is dead inside, horrible woman,

    Everyone in work is scared of her but they pander to her too, they all want to keep on her good side in spite of all the nasty things she does to people.

    I knew she had some kind of disorder but I think I can safely say she is a sociopath if I compare her to the traits listed here. Its a relief to know what she is, everyone kisses up to her so much, i thought I was going mad.
    I won’t leave though, I can’t find another job and I won’t give her the satisfaction of seeing me leave because of her.

  68. Sandra Says:

    This is exactly what my sister is doing to me! !! I accidentally and inadvertently exposed her as an arsonist by repeating some rumors I heard to my mother last January. My sister started her destroying campaign in march when she learned of the information that I had told my mother.

    All I can think now is that those rumors were actually true. She is definitely trying to assassinate my character with my family and anyone who will listen to her manipulations. Sociopaths are very dangerous and I now see her for who she really is. My blinders are off. I just don’t how to get other to see her manipulations. I will keep my distance from now on.

  69. Sandra Says:

    And I will stand true in who I know that I am, not in who my sister is inaccurately saying that I am…thank god I have the Good Lord in my life :)

  70. Larry Says:

    Hi Sandra,

    I wish I could provide words of wisdom, but being in a position such as you are now, I fought the battles, and lost the war. No one in my extended family will even speak with me, and sadly, that includes my two daughters. My son did not go down that path. Since I was banished from the family, and my son stayed at my side, he’s also been banished.

    Nothing like I ever expected. Everything was “normal” until my two girls got into their teen years and changed drastically. My older sister could be the poster child for Psychopathy, and while I’m there, so could my ex-wife.

    Become invisible. Get to your closest family members and tell them the truth. Unfortunately, that is not easy if your sister got to them first. It’s amazing how gullible people can be, especially family members believing in hearsay.

    My oldest aunt, in here 80s, won’t even speak to me. You will have an uphill battle, but take it a day at a time.

  71. Sandra Says:

    At this point I feel like no one in my family will listen to me. And what’s more I feel if they are so easily manipulated and turned off of me then do I really want them back in my life? They listen to someone’s version who I don’t ever even speak to and take that as how I am verbatim? It is truly disheartening to say the least.

  72. Larry Says:

    You state some difficult options, but they are the ones that I have taken. Except for my son, I’ve come to accept that I have no other family.

    The very worst began when my dad died, and my sister abducted my mom. Laughingly, on the phone, she told me I would never speak with my mom again.

    I did talk to her when she was in the hospital, but I never saw her again. She died one year after my dad.

  73. Becca Says:

    Sandra,

    Get tough, I know it is hard, very hard, but these people in your family must be ignorant and lack self worth to be conned by this charlatan, a large majority of my family does not speak to me because the SP I have left has pulled the wool over their eyes!

    They may have been looking for an excuse and now they have one. I don’t want to associate myself with those spineless fools. It hurt in the beginning but I am strong, I have learned and I know who loves and cares for me, I do communicate with 3 members in my family and that is just fine with me! Wait till he gets done using them haha lmao!

  74. Sandra Says:

    I think she was able to con them because she is the one who sees them and talks to them on a regular almost daily basis, as she never left home like most adults do. I live a distance away and have always kept my distance from much of my immediate family due to their dysfunction anyway.

    But, it still baffles my mind to listen to one person’s negative talk of another and to just plainly believe it. She has gotten my father, her husband, my niece to all not respond to my email and to drop me on Facebook. I think she did this so that I could not repeat the info I told me mother. Because I fear it is now true, possibly.

    I’m shocked people can be so easily manipulated. I am not going to go around trying to prove who I really am to people who insist I am what she says that I am, even though she never sees me or talks to me. And apparently has a hidden agenda adding to her supposed “opinion” of me.

Your insights are appreciated ...

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