For what my mom and I went through, this describes one of the worst periods in my life.
This post was originally an email written to a close friend, way back in May 2006. My dad had died almost four months earlier. It describes the events leading up to and after my mom was kidnapped by my sister.
It was all maliciously-planned, and deceptively-executed. The only two people who were deceived were my mom and me, which makes me believe that the others all had something to gain from this.
Mom and I were made to believe that she would only stay with my sister, Kathy, for no more than a month while we decided what was best for her future. But unlike mom and me, everyone else knew it was intended to be permanent. Due to our underlying distrust and dislike for Kathy, neither my mom nor I would have ever agreed to a permanent move. But I was on the wrong side of the country to make it an easy trip for mom, so she and I talked it over a lot and decided it would be OK, since it was just “temporary”.
Kathy’s plans would eventually become clear: become mom’s legal guardian, declare mom delusional, and have the courts give my sister power-of-attorney over my mom. At that point, my sister could completely rewrite my folk’s estate Trust to eliminate everyone not involved in the deception, specifically me and possibly my aunt. Not knowing if my other sister was involved, it would have taken five beneficiaries and reduced them to just two.
Email from: Larry
to: Dave [a friend]
date: Sun, May 7, 2006 at 20:51
subject: A long updateDave,
I’ve been out of touch for a while because of a family situation that one thinks only happens in “other families.”
As you remember, my dad died in late January. My oldest sister, Kathy, went up to Roseville (where my folks have a home) to help out. After a short time, she suggested that she take mom back to Mesa, Arizona (her home), to live with her temporarily — “a month or so … no longer” — until we (the kids) can discuss options and come up with a best-case scenario for mom, going forward.
Since they said no more than a month, and my brother Alan only lives a few miles from mom, I asked why she couldn’t stay at home with assistance, and live with Alan part time. I was told it was not an option. When I tried to find out why, once again I was told it was simply not an option, supported by fairly lame excuses.
Missed red flag
In discussing it with mom, who was not very close with Kathy, she said, “It’s only going to be for a few weeks, maybe a month … I think I’ll be able to handle Kathy for that long.” Kathy doesn’t hold a job; her husband, Marlin, works half the week from home.
Even considering that my sister and I have never been close, either, it sounded like a good plan for mom … and that’s what was important. I was told they were going to rent a small truck to take some of mom’s stuff down for her. My brother Alan would drive the truck to Arizona, while Kathy and mom would fly.
They rented the truck one morning, so Kathy could help Alan load it. Then, later that day, Kathy and mom would catch a flight to Arizona, as Alan began the drive. I felt as if we had a good short-term plan for mom, and so did she.
Last minute distress
The day they rented the truck, I got a call from mom. She sounded almost panicked. “Larry, I’m scared, I don’t want to go. Something’s not right.” My initial response was to console her, thinking that she just didn’t want to leave her home, and began feeling the anxiety from it. So, I told her, “Mom, you’ll be OK … you can always call me from there. And you’ll only be there for two or three weeks, and that’s it.”
“I know that’s what they said, but,” she said, “wait, I think they’re coming back in … no, it’s OK. It’s a big truck, Larry. They’re taking a lot more than we discussed and they’ve been avoiding my questions. Something is not right, Larry … wait, I gotta go.” I heard Kathy call out “mom?” just before mom hung up. I wasn’t able to get through to her for the rest of that day, and by day’s end, they were all gone. Mom knew something wasn’t right. I was hoping she was wrong.
First week in Arizona
Prior to dad’s death, Mom was always, and I mean always, available to talk with me. Even when dad said mom was lying down, he’d go in and say, “Hun, it’s Larry” … and mom always took my call.
During mom’s first week in Arizona, though, every time I called, I was told it was a bad time … she was either in the bathroom, taking a nap … but whatever the reason, the result was the same: mom was not available to talk with me.
Red flag
By the following Sunday, a little over a week after mom arrived in Mesa, I still had not been ‘permitted’ to speak with mom. So on that Sunday, I called their home number, mid-morning their time, got their machine and left a message. Then I began calling at least once an hour, only to continue getting their machine. All day long, I only got their machine, though I only left that first message.
Then, just after 5PM their time, I remembered I had Marlin’s cell number, so I dialed it, and to my surprise, he answered immediately. I heard Kathy talking and laughing in the background. Marlin sounded very upbeat. He said they were at a lake, and when I asked to speak with mom, he said she was at home with a caregiver. I told him that I had been calling all day, but no one answered. His reply was, “Yea, they probably wouldn’t answer it” [especially if they were told not to].
I asked Marlin if there was any other way to get in touch with mom, and he replied with an absolute: “No” <— remember that.
He suggested that I call their house again in 2-3 hours, when he and Kathy would be back from the lake. I said I would, and we ended the call. But as much as I kept trying to convince myself that I was overreacting, red flags were everywhere.
Determined
So as soon as I hung-up with Marlin, I dialed their home number again, got the machine, hung up, and pressed redial. To my complete surprise, mom answered the second call …
“Hello?”
“Mom?”
“Larry?”
“Hi mom!”
“Oh, Hi Larry! I’m so glad I answered this phone … they told me not to answer it.”
Red flag
I asked mom where the caregiver was, and was told she left at 5PM (about 20 minutes earlier), meaning that mom would be alone for the next two to three hours, based on what Marlin said.
I asked mom if she got any messages that I called.
“No, not at all. Did you call, really?”
I told her that I had been calling every day for over a week.
“No one told me. Why wouldn’t they tell me? I was ready to clobber you!” (mom’s loving expression when I’d disappoint her over the tiniest of things).
Not only did Kathy and Marlin deliberately keep me from speaking with mom, but they also lied to mom about me calling.
I didn’t want to trouble mom with any more concerns, for which I began to have many. So I let it drop.
I asked mom if they set-up her computer, so we can write and video chat to each other. Mom told me they set up the old PC in her room, which had no internet connection. I asked her why they didn’t set-up her new iMac, the one dad bought just a few months before his death.
Mom said she asked, but Kathy told her they left it in Roseville … a direct, bold-faced lie. I told mom I knew they brought it down, so I asked her if she could locate a piece of paper and pencil, so as to jot down a few notes to follow-up on.
Mom went into her room, sat at her desk, and was ready to write. I asked her to jot a note to ask Marlin to set-up her iMac in her room so we can stay in touch. I knew Kathy’s home had WiFi, as did the iMac, so it would be a very simple set-up. She wrote that down, and said, “that would be great.”
We continued talking, with mom still sitting at her desk, as another bomb was about to drop. All of a sudden, something caught mom’s attention, and she interrupted with, “Oh yea … they gave me this cell phone, too.”
More red flags
I asked mom for the number, but she didn’t know it.
“Mom, if you call me, I can get the number off Caller ID.”
“They didn’t show me how to make calls, they only showed me how to answer calls.”
“How do I find the number?” It was a Nokia, and I was not familiar with that particular model. So I asked mom to add that to the list for Marlin: “send mom’s cell number to Larry”.
By then, we had been talking for around an hour, so I told mom I’d call back either the next evening (Monday) or sometime during the day Tuesday.
The sucker punch
I decided to wait until Tuesday, and call at 10AM (their time) which had always been a good time for mom. Marlin answered, but it was immediately apparent that everything changed.
His tone was very cold … not at all like when he was at the lake. When I asked, Marlin said mom was “still sleeping” and I should try again some other time. I never once believed mom was sleeping. Once again it was a direct, bold-faced lie.
I said, “Okay, I’ll try again later … oh, by the way, Marlin, is there a better way to catch mom … does she have a cell phone?”
Marlin’s answer revealed a lot, delivered with another direct lie: “No.”
My second attempt was at 2PM their time. This time, Marlin said mom went to the dog park with Kathy. Another lie. Mom uses a walker and had bladder problems … she almost never left the house, even to go shopping with dad. Nothing but lies.
I decided to make the third attempt right after their dinner time, about 6:30. This time Kathy answered, and there was no way I could have been prepared for what came next.
Revelation
Already sounding angered, Kathy quickly stated, “Mom just went in to lie down and doesn’t want to be bothered.”
So I said, “Kathy, would you please just hand the phone to mom so I can speak with her.”
She began to laugh with a level of evil I can’t begin to describe: “Mom doesn’t want to talk to you! When are you going to get it? You are not going to talk with mom anymore”. While still laughing, she slammed down the phone.
The scariest red flag
I was literally shaking and my heart was racing. That was the precise moment I realized that my sister was much more than a mean liar, but she was indeed a psychopath.
I called right back, and this time, Marlin answered, also laughing.
I said, “Marlin, please let me talk to my mom.”
Still laughing, Marlin said, “Sorry, Larry, can’t do that.” And he hung up.
From that point, they took their home phone off the hook and turned off their cells. I’d never call mom at Kathy’s home again.
Seeing evil
Kathy apparently had it all planned. I only recently (May 06) discovered that when mom went to Mesa, Kathy and Alan loaded up the truck with every bed in mom’s house, lots of mom’s furniture — including the entire master bedroom suite — TVs, computers, and everything else of value. That’s what mom was trying to tell me when she called me on that moving day.
It was all a big, fabricated lie, conceived specifically to mislead just mom and me. Some time later, Alan told me that Kathy had since replaced all her old beds with those from mom’s house.
This all took place about two months ago (Mar 06). I spoke with Mesa Police, and unless mom is being abused, they can’t get involved. Mesa Police gave me some other numbers to call. One lady at an Elder Crisis Center told me she hears the same story every day, and it breaks her heart, since there is nothing that can be done.
Where does Kathy’s plan go from here? According to the other people I spoke with, including a legal advocate for seniors (an attorney), Kathy technically, but legally, kidnapped mom, and at the same time, made herself mom’s legal guardian.
The legal advocate told me the one option I had was to kidnap mom back from Kathy. It’s insane. When Kathy’s ready, she can file papers stating that mom can no longer make rational decisions, no longer take care of herself, and state that mom is delusional. If she succeeds in getting it through the courts, which she would likely do, she would get power-of-attorney and would make all mom’s decisions for her, including the power to revise my folk’s Estate Trust (i.e., the Will).
I’ve got to stop here, for now. I really believe my sister is mentally ill, and I have no idea at this point how to stop her.
Larry
from: Dave
to: Larry
date: Mon, May 8, 2006 at 00:51
subject: Re: A long updateLarry
Wow. Except for the details, it’s exactly what happened with my grandmother on my mother’s side of the family. My mother’s sister fucked-over my mother just like your sister is doing to you. It got ugly with lawyers. Basically, my mother had to re-kidnap her own mother, then battle it out in court.
I take it your sister’s not that smart, or at least so self-centered and overcome by greed that she’s blinded. Get a lawyer. Get your mom on the phone and record the conversations. Keep them secret to everyone, even her. Ask her if she loves you. Ask her if she loves your children. Do this over and over. Document the steps your sister has taken to deny you contact with your mother.
Ultimately, you may have to convince a judge of your sister’s deceit, manipulation, and denial of your mother’s human rights. Document everything, dates, attempted calls, blow off responses, etc. They add up to a pretty ugly picture. Begin now to build evidence for contesting the settlement later. Best case scenario: you won’t need it. Worst case: you’ll be prepared.
Bud, the rules are changed now. You are proceeding toward legal war. Behave accordingly. Build your arsenal.
Dave
from: Larry
to: Dave
date: Mon, May 8, 2006 at 13:03
subject: Re: A long updateDave
Thanks. I’m one step ahead of you — well, more precisely, a few years. I learned the value of having recorded evidence even before my divorce in 1995.
It’s a great destroyer of self-perceived credibility.
The quoted lines in my previous email were taken right from the transcript. It’s kind of like having a straight flush … nothing beats it.
I certainly never expected to hear that your family experienced it, too. Frankly, I had no idea how rampant the problem is, but also how easily people can get away with it.
Larry
Within six months, Kathy had already started spreading the lie that mom was delusional, though mom was still as sharp as a tack. Mom just refused to speak with Kathy and Marlin knowing that she was being held against her will. I never spoke to mom again while she was at Kathy’s, but whenever I heard she was in the hospital, I was usually able to track her down with about 3-4 phone calls.
Mom was never in the hospital prior to my sister kidnapping her. I imagine the stress of living in that house was unbearable for her. Mom died almost exactly one year after dad died. During one of her hospital stays, she caught an infection and was gone in less than 24 hours. Luckily I had a wonderful, hour-long conversation with mom about two weeks earlier on her 90th birthday. I firmly believe, though, that mom would have lived longer if not for Kathy. I also believe mom ruined Kathy’s plans by dying before Kathy was able to execute those plans.
For me, personally, it was one of the saddest times of my life. While Kathy was harboring mom against her will, she was continuing her assault against me to decimate my character. She had everyone believing that mom had “lost it” and needed her, and that I was a trouble-maker with deceptive plans — she used her own character to describe me, which is very common in a psychopath’s attack on a victim. My mom and I were best buds, and she was taken from me one year before she died.
Godspeed mom.
###
Related: The disciple-in-law
January 8th, 2012 at 20:04
I see stuff like this and I want to scream. I know there is the rule of law and it makes for an organized and productive society. But sociopath’s turn laws against the law abiding. And they use this to victimize victims.
If I was able to go in and bust the heads of people that fobbed this kind of shit off on me in my life I might be King of the World.
Instead I am like you. A day late and a dollar short, watching them pillage and sack every thing that you/I hold dear.
I wouldn’t let people get away with shit like this. But what the f do you do. You can’t say boo to them without them having YOU held accountable while they manipulate the system and use it against you.
January 8th, 2012 at 20:30
Doug,
I experienced this stuff and wanted to do more than scream. It’s insane that there is currently nothing that can be done except in civil courts. I agree with what you say. Thanks for your comment.
January 9th, 2012 at 02:14
Hey Larry,
Well the bad news is I most probably have Multiple Sclerosis. I have been seeing specialists throughout the County for two months now. Electric Exams, muscle tissue samples, more and more blood tests, spinal tap, and next week MRI of the brain to check to see how much scar tissue is present. Getting worse by the day. Excrutiating pain, and I know you can relate. Yep, gonna be 43 no insurance, and Id like to ask the “family” for help but you know the story, upon hearing the news they will only want to help “dig my hole for me.” Especially the Family Attorney, and my loving Brother. If you know what I mean.
Well your latest blog hits home to a tee. Imagine one of three siblings, the “Managing Member” of the estate that was with the Trustors and the Attorneys as they finnalized and changed huge direction as to how they would like their estate affairs handled. Number one none of the “intended bennificiaries” should have been present let alone the eldest Sociapth.” Number two, the attorney has breached his fiduciary duty to the trsutors. He has never advised the Trustors that they should be transparent with all their children as to the books and records of the LLC. He has not once in the last ten years called a family meeting between MOM and the Managing Member and my other brother to show mandated books and records and the LLC’s financial statements.
Its a secret and he wants it that way so he can continue to use MY PARENTS HARD EARNED ASSETS AS HIS PERSONAL PIGGY BANK. He will go as far as advising my own Mother to disown me for trying to defend her. I wish she would just hear me out just once. Number three just imagine this. And Im sorry to tell ya, but when the attorney is against one or some of the children as well as his own clients the Trustors themselves, and he is a deciple and enabler of the managing member, only after deep pockets what do ya get.” You get a sibling that has been named “Managing Member” financially abusing the Trustors with the full knowledge and blessings of the Estate Attorney. Well this attorney obviously knows I am a threat to his pocket book, and he wants me out of the picture because I know the truth, so in turn he uses the Managing Member and my own loving Mother as his tool against me, thus victumizing not only me but knowingly my Parents.( who incidentally hired in in TRUST to protect their assets and Estate.) He has told me point blank, “Your parents Properties are none of you business.” So I try and make my Mother aware but he and my older Brother the Manager have already played her against me with lies. The truth is I have always been trying to defend her and my father but to no avail. Have you ever heard of an honest attorney? Me neither.
So in the end 5, 10, twenty years later, the Trust documents are manipulated you yourself are in your late seventies, early eighties, as in my case with MS, perhaps bedridden, or a walker or in a home, broke, and at this point trying to untangle or unravel the mess and trail of deceipt that the sociopath and his Attorney has left, good luck. Then the court system here in calfiornia, forget it. A minimum of 3 to five years of litigation before it is heard by a judge or Jury.
In my case the attorneys and the eldest have pitted my own Mother against me. What Mother tells her son “BE WELL” or “GOD BLESS YOU” yet five years ago is arm in arm with a firm of attorneys and her son side by side obtaining a RTO against you , lying under oath convincing a Comissioner that only knows me for 20 minutes, has never seen me in her life before that I am some kind of Violent Monster, thats going to kill my whole family, extorting my loving Mother, stalking my Brother and Mother, ect ect. Although the eldest has convinced my Mother that the Estate has doulbled since he has manged, she is under the impression admitting another lie under oath to what is completely false. As a matter of fact, Almost 50% of the Estate Properties have been sold in down markets, and Quitclaimed to other “intended bennificiaries” other than me. Its funny, Larry. I can pull public record of sales, supena bank records ect ect, but they will. insist and convince even a Judge and Jury that the records are somehow falsified or have been tampered with. Dont you get it. Maddof was only put behind bars for his own saftey. Not because of his crimes or his guilt, but becasue his life is being protected by his deciples. He completely got away with it Larry. Dont you agree. Most of his victums would think that he should have been fed to the lions alive. But I am a god fearing individual. Again I cant make that Judgement.
I dont give a flying “F” who you are and how much $$$ you have, when the Manaing Member holds the purse strings and has the power, controls the Estate, with full knowledge backed by the Attorney (the attorney keep in mind is only after deep pockets and could care less about my mother and fathers estate, or could care less about my fathers hard work of 60 years) let alone care about me and my well being in a life that is sooo short and fragile.
Forget about it Larry. Even if you think you are going to hire your best friend Esquire that graduated from Yale or Princeton, he aint gonna represent you for free. Next your sis like my Brother will throw your attorney $$$$$$ just to make you go away.
Your only friends are your poochies. By the way checked out the website. Thanks. Doggies are so cute. Im looking into adopting out here is Southern California once I get control of my health.
Just miss my Father and Mother. My father is in a wheel chair. His dementia has gotten worse. He needs help to eat, and has to be spoon fed. Im too afraid to see him nor even call home anymore and talk with him to tell him I love ya Dad.If something were to suddenly happen to him God forbid, of course the finger would immediately point to me. They are so selfish Larry you have no idea. Greedy, sick self centered people. Its a shame that my Brother is so ill. Its amazing how many people including my own family he has managed to use as deciples against me. Nothing he has said or done in this life is genuine or from the heart. Nothing. He has none. Remeber Larry these people are sick, they are mentally and chemically not here if you understand me. The best thing is to run as far and fast as you can away from these parts of your life. Deal with the cards you have been dealt. Life is to short and Fragile my dear friend.
Can we blame them? Thats the Million dollar question Larry. They are sick and there is no cure. The only cure my freind is Judgement Day, and even then I dont know how God will deal with them. Does God let these sick souls into heaven? I cant judge them Im not God. Does God look at an Autistic sibling that constantly throws tantrums unknowingly and unpurposeful hitting his mother or brother and hold it against him one day? I dont know. Do we blame all these sick people for victumizing us or as a Good Christian or Jew or Muslim are we commanded to forgive. At this point Ive tried for the last 30 years of my life asking God why my brother has victumized me. Why has he victumized his wife and my family. Why does he continue on this path victumizing my Mother and keeping her from her baby, me her youngest. Why? and to this day Larry, I simply dont have the answer.
MY OWN BROTHER GETS AWAY WITH MANSLAUGHTER, THEFT, ADULTRY, ELDER ABUSE, EXTORTION ETC, AND OTHERS GET CAUGHT. THE ONLY QUESTION IS, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS. WHY IS HE NOT GREATFUL OF HIS OWN BROTHERS LOYALTY ALL THESE DECADES. WHY WOULD YOUR OWN BROTHER STAB YOU IN THE BACK?
Who are we to Judge.
January 9th, 2012 at 02:25
Hey Larry, this coming Month of February I will have 13 years of sobriety under my belt. Guess who gave me my first line of cocaine at age 13? You guessed it the Managing Member … my older brother.
God Bless Ya Larry.
January 10th, 2012 at 12:50
Michael, From what you’ve said in other comments, I knew you’d relate to this post pretty closely. You need to get an attorney and submit a request for full disclosure to the executor — it’s California Law. You, listed as a beneficiary, have a right to know everything.
I’m very sorry to hear about your Multiple Sclerosis. I have a friend diagnosed with it about ten years ago, and she’s still teaching. You never know.
February 14th, 2012 at 20:23
That’s horrifying. But, very much like what I experienced. Only, they didn’t kidnap her. They couldn’t take tending her that much. They did however, begin to drain all of her accounts, had her sign over her land and were going after the house…when I intervened. Evil knows no end with these nuts.
February 19th, 2012 at 03:04
To Kidnapping of a parent!
I am currently going through the same thing as you have! BUT ….
I have been to the recorders office and sprung the $100 for an hour with an attorney.
To my suprise the attorney feels we (myself, my son and a sister) do most definately have a case against the sibling who took control of mother’s stuff BEFORE she passed away.
I made a trip to the court house and got all the records on my mother’s home. Actually, I got records on anything that had my mother’s name on it!
Mother signed a quit claim deed over to one of my sisters (Sister 1) but that deed was lost when sister 1′s car was stolen but no one knew that sister 1′s car had been stolen but her. Shortly after the car was stolen sister 2 convinced mother that sister 1 was doing and making meth and mother changed the locked on mother’s home which she had been renting to sister 1. When sister 1 returned from a business trip mother refused to let sister 1 have anything out of the house. No clothes, not one stick of sister 1′s furniture, no dishes nothing. Mother had been living with a boyfriend (scoundrel) and sister 1 had been paying about $300 a month rent to mother to live in mother’s home.
Mother told sister 1 when she called and asked for her belongings that if sister 1 stepped foot on the property mother would have her arrested!
I must say in my sister 1′s defense …. I have always had a key to her home no matter where she lived. I’ve helped her clean, paint, move you name it and never not one time did I ever find any illegal street drugs in her home! Her door was ALWAYS open and she’d just say ‘come on in’ when anyone knocked. There has never been a restricted area/s of sister 1′s home. My children and I as well as my husband have all been allowed to go anywhere and every where within sister 1′s home.
For many years before mother’s death mother stated several times that had sister 1 come to mother’s home she would have had her institutionalized to get her off drugs.
Sister 2 I have found out at the court house via records on mother’s property, had mother sign another quit claim deed and sister 1 tok it, behind mother’s back and recorded it. Then sister 2 drew up another quit claim deed, got SOMEONE to forge sister 1′s name to it and got a notary that personally KNOWS sister 1 to notarize the forged document. TWO YEARS later sister 2 draws up a will, bulleys mother into signing it, disinheriting Brother, sister 1, myself and sister 3. Leaving EVERYTING mother had to sister 2!
Sister 2 goes on several years later to get mother to sign durrable power of attorney papers giving sister 2 ALL the power over everything of mother’s, sister 2 waits a few years and slams mother in a nursing home under the pretense of physical therapy for 8 weeks and then mother will go back home. But each time I attempt to get mother medical treatment of any kind, sister 2 says I have NO IDEA what I talking about and cancels all appointments.
Sister 2 denies mother medications, regularly scheduled treatments, proper clothing, and gives my son and I a cussing and tells us to stay away from the nursing home that it’s NONE OF OUR DAMN BUSINESS.
Sister 2 and her husband go to the extreme of telling mother shortly after she’s placed in the nursing home that the nursing home has sent them a letter stating they are going to take mother’s home away from her. This lie was told so they could convince mother to allow them to be on mother’s checking account. NO ONE got to SEE or READ the letter. It was flailed around in the air while sister 2 ranted over mother’s bed in her room at the nursing home.
Sister 2 goes on to tell my children that I have been stealing money from mother’s checking account. I cashed in a life insurance policy of $15,0000 and I signed the check and cashed it. That I forced mother to get a loan on mother’s house again $15,000 and that I took the money and refused to pay mother back. ALL lies and I have PROE to our attorney that they are ALL LIES.
Our attorney says sister 2 has committed title fraud, bank fraud, morgage fraud, and forgery with the documents. AND ….. with the Durrable Power of Attorney Papers she had responsibilities that she did not step up and take care of which leads to MORE charges …. elder abuse and elder neglect.
Under the laws of my state anyone 60 years of age or older is considered elderly by law. If a person or persons commits the act of undo influence, (pressuring, Bullying, threatening) and they gain ( get property or bank accounts or anything else), from doing so they stand a good chance of going to prison for several years. 7 years in this state.
Please, before any more time goes by, FIRST, get records form the recorder of deed office, SECOND look them over, think about them, THIRD, write out a time line of events surrounding the documents as best you can remember them FOURTH get an attorney that deals with elder law. It will be the best $100 you ever spend!
Sister 2 has told lies on each of us (siblings) to each of us and had us all not speaking for about 15 years. In 2003 sister 2′s boyfriend passed away and I went to see her as did my son. Since that time sister 2 and I have had many gut wrenching, tear filled late night conversations and I have been brutally honest with her and she with me. THIS is how we figured out what sister 2 is up to and the lies!
What keeps me up nights now is this, mother has passed away now and I’m just beginning to realize the 16 years of torture she went through at the hands of the sociopath sibling sister 2. The long hours on end on the phone keeping mother upset and feeling like she had no choice but to do what sister 2 said. The unnecessary stress and strain and worry she put our mother through over a pack of vicious lies.
I’m gonna be the lady my mother raised me to be no matter what. I’ve turned it all over to the attorney and GOD. I trust them to take care of this for me. I don’t want mother’s earthly belongings, she raised us all to be decent respectable Christians, she gave each of us everything we needed to get through this life, I do not want anything. I just want the sociopath stopped before she hurts someone else.
Most of all sister 2 has 16 years experience under her belt and she will find another unsuspecting victim, I DO NOT want that to happen to anyone!!!!
March 12th, 2012 at 01:20
I am utterly amazed by the overwhelming power and controll my sociopath sibling has over my daughter and my sister-in-law. I am also fearful of that same power and control.
I’m learning each and everyday to stop showing any type of emotion when it comes to the actions, words, deeds of my sociopath sibling. The more emotion I have shown in the past serves as jet fuel to my sociopath sibling.
I’ve found that simply arming myself with truth isn’t enough. I have to stand my ground and many times I have to do that alone, yet when the rest of the family gets off their duff and checks out my truths and finds out for themselves that I do infact speak truths that PROVE the sociopath sibling is a liar they tend to back away from the sociopath. Except for my daughter.
I’ve spent many an hour crying over my daughter’s verbal abuse of myself, my husband, my son, and sibling 1. Daughter constantly defends and upholds the sociopath in each and everything they say and do knowing all along that what daughter is upholding is all a pack of vicious lies.
I’ve spent the majority of my life helping my family in any way I possibly can. I haven’t had a lot of money but I have taken the time to cook, clean, drive, feed, sit with, stay with and have driven hundreds of miles to cart several of my siblings back home from abusive relationships. Now that I myself am nearing retirement age I have to defend my every action with almost everyone in my family.
My own grandchildren feel the need to defend me!
My sociopath sibling has had the same amount of time as the rest of us have had to create good loving long lasting relationships within the family. Eight nieces and nephews and an additional nine great nieces and nephews that would have loved the sociopath sibling dearly had they taken time to be a decent person.
Each and everyday of our lives we each get to choose how we act, we can get up and choose to be the very best person we can be or the very worst person we can be.
I’ve always been the family peace maker and I will not stop now. What I will stop now is this …. I will never again carry on a conversation of any kind with sociopath sibling. Any conversation I have ever had in the past has been twisted and distorted into something wicked and evil and that is far far from the truth.
Had i not litterally stumbled across this site I’d still be crying myself to sleep each and every night. Now I’m looking forward to two very lengthy court battle with sociopath sibling and it looks as if sociopath sibling will be spending several years in prison for forgery, bank fraud, mortgage fraud, title fraud, elder abuse and elder neglect. Sociopath sibling and spouse will more than likely have to turn over all their assets as part of restitution to the remainder of the family. Even when my heart breaks as I feel I’ve been pushed to the edge, I’ve been bullied for years and am now realizing my mother was also bullied as well as two more siblings. What I do from here on out is in an effort to prevent sociopath sibling from attacking another victim. In memory of my dear mother whom I miss so very much.
April 7th, 2012 at 10:14
This sounds very family Larry. Dennis did that with my dad. Wouldn’t allow him to call anyone or have anyones phone numbers. Every time my mom called to talk to dad she was always told he was asleep. One time I saw dad at the dr’s and he asked for my sisters phone number. Later when I went to visit dad in the hospital he told me Dennis had thrown the piece of paper I had written the phone number down on away when he was doing dads laundry.
September 1st, 2012 at 01:30
Dear Larry and all, I’ve read over a portion of your posts Larry and I see where you write about your sister’s plan to declare your mother delusional. In my state it takes TWO unrelated doctors agreeing to the accusations of delusion/mental instability/incapasitation.
TWO DOCTORS have to say in writing and that writing has to be notorized and presented in court via an attorney. If this has been done, challenge those documents. Find a handwriting analist or expert to prove signatures. Start looking for one at your local court house. IF this has not been done according to state laws you have a case of elder abuse just for starters. Without TWO DOCTORS notarized statements presented in court, the power of attorney or durrable power of attorney is null and void/ not in affect. It’s part of the terrorist attack to keep you off balance and off the important issues of caring for your parents’ safety.
Merely laying claim to power of attorney does not constitute power of attorney. Waving papers around in the air and saying to all staff at a nursing home without proof of such does not deem power of attorney privelages. Along with power of attorney comes RESPONSIBILITY. Responsibility for seeing that all doctors appointments are met in a timely fashion, all medications are administered and taken, proper food/diet are followed per doctor’s orders, proper supplied and ample personal supplies are provided by the person/s with the legal power of attorney.
Each state has different rules and regulations for Durable Power of Attorney and Power of Attorney of an elderly person. Most states recognize an elderly person as anyone 60 years of age or older. Transfering land titles and piddling with bank accounts and monies without legal authorization is punishable with stiff fines and prison time. If there has not been TWO DOCTORS via a court of law to prove the legal right to Durable Power of Attorney or Power of Attorney then you do have legal grounds to take them to court for elder abuse. Look up your states Elder Laws.
Larry, a word of advice, keep all information you find to yourself, share it with NO ONE except your attorney of choice. Get court transcripts after all is done and copy them and send copies to all family that your sibling has told lies to. PROVE yourself in court to the WORLD and your family!
Just a late night thought.
Yes I will keep you posted on our case/s!
September 1st, 2012 at 03:55
@Blacksheep
Thank you. You raise all good points, and I’m sure that they will help others in a similar situation.
In my case, my mom died one year after my sister abducted her. My sister lives on the opposite side of the country than I do.
I called the police and I was told they can’t get involved unless there’s physical abuse.
I called an association for elders and the woman I spoke with said she hears of such stories almost every day, but they were unable to intervene.
Then I called an attorney in that state whose practice included elder care, and what he told me were the same things I had already heard. But he added one option: he said the best way for me to get to my mother was to kidnap her from my sister.
At age 90, I wouldn’t have risked my mom’s health for that. I never saw her again, but whenever I heard she was in the hopital, which was often, I’d track her down and we’d have great conversations over the phone. She was still as sharp as a tack. And I emphasize she was “in the hospital often” that year because she was never in the hospital before she was kidnapped by my sister. It was a hospital infection that took her life.
September 1st, 2012 at 16:14
Dear Larry and all,
A good attorney will get your mother’s medical records, all of them, and compare them to what you have stated. They’ll speak with your doctors via derogatory questions and quite possibly in person too. A good attorney would know that it takes two doctors statements notorized and presented in a court of law to legally have DPOA or POA. If land records were transfered less than 5 years before your mother’s death, in a court of law in front a judge, that too looks suspicious, bank accounts also.
One thing comes to mind here, something that took me 20 years to realize, it’s the oldest war tactic known to man, divide and conquer.
I’ve had all the above used on me in the 20 years my sociopath sibling has been at this. I’ve saved every card, letter, email, facebook post, since the very first cussing I got via yahoo messinger back in 2000, yep 12 years of records, I also took my mother to every doctor appointment she ever had and am well aquainted with all her doctors. ALL of which have experienced the verbal wrath of sociopath sibling via the telephone. They all have had DPOA (durable power of attorney) litteraly thrown in their faces yet none to this day have actually had a copy of such faxed or snail mailed to them to this day! One doctor called me and stated for as long as that office had no copy of DPOA they would continue to corrispond with me and leave the sociopath sibliing outof it.
I have 2 notebooks that are 4 inches thick full of paper work which proves all the allogations made against sociopsth sibling. I’ve kept them in order by date of the actual event happening and I took them to our attorneywho verified each and every piece of information I have in those notebooks, smart attornies will do that, listen and verifiy. Smart family members will do the same. When push came to shove in my family and my two children would not speak to me, I took PROOF POSITIVE to my son. He spilled out a line of crap my sociopath sibling had been telling to both my children and the rest of the family which got me barred from all family gatherings, annual Thanksgiving and Christmas parties, Memorial Day picknicks, Easter Dinner, the annual Family Reunion, etc.
I cried for days over what my son told me, and then I got my paper work together, spoke with a sister who was cast out of the family in 1995 and my son jointly and that day we pooled our money and retained an attorney.
My problem for years was that I was pure of heart and gave a damn and thought that because my siblings and I were raised by the same parents in the same house that they were also pure of heart and gave a damn too. Oh how srry and wrong I’ve been every since that day I uncovered the forgery!!!!!
Uncovering the forgery brought back many bad memories and with that came a pattern of behavior on the part of sociopath sibling that lead to the path of financial gains for the sociopath sibling and covering up of many illegal activities and elder abuse.
It’s a scarey trip to take, a trail of tears behind me as I head to court. A lake of tears at the end. But worth it to my sister who was cast out of the family 20 years ago, my son who has been repeatedly lied to and falsely accused and cleared of all charges, to my husband who has been falsely accused and cleared of all charges and to me.
I do all in the name and for the sake of my dear departed mother who suffered in silence and felt all alone at the hands and heart and mind of my sociopath sibling.
September 19th, 2012 at 00:20
Today in our local news ….
Attorney is indicted for her father’s murder 2 years ago near Sunrise Beach. Susan Van Note’s father, William, and his companion, Sharon Dickson were shot to death on Oct. 2, 2010. [link]
Grand jury: Attorney forged document to cause death of father shot near Sunrise Beach. Susan “Liz” Van Note is accused of shooting her father and his longtime companion in October 2010. [link]
It’s amazing what people will do to their own family.
Forgery is a serious dishonest act to commit. It CAN and should be proven and is much easier to prove than you think. There is more forgery going on today than we all think or can possibly imagine right along with elder abuse.
I hope and pray that these articles bring new light to old problems and help in some small way.
God Bless you Larry, and your wonderful website which has helped me regain some sense of normalty in my own life in the past year. I once thought I was going crazy until I met Larry and his wise ways here via the net!
My own legal dramas will be coming up soon as we await a court date. Will keep you posted!
November 11th, 2012 at 23:56
Larry and all,
Went to court last week for a default judgement against the bank/s over the forged Quit Claim Deed. The Bank/s were personally served papers via the local sheriff office over 90 days ago and they have not responded. Our attorney asked for a default judgement against the bank/s and a temporary default judgement was granted which gives the Bank/s another 30 days to respond. 120 days total.
If they do not respond the judge will rule in our favor, which means the Bank/s will have to present L with a clean, clear deed to mother’s property. Our attorney sent interrogatory questions to B and D along with request for some facts and only B has responded to that, which means D has not which means D will have to accept default judgement against D and keys to the house will have to be turned over to L.
I truely believe that D will do some severe damage to mother’s house before giving up the keys to it. Dreading that part really bad. We plan to take an officer with us to the house to document the condition of it as NONE of us have been allowed on the property for over a year.
Will keep you all posted!
Blacksheep