2012.02.28

Updated 11 Jul 2012*

Here it’s been about 10 years since my sister, Kathy, became aware that I knew too much about her activities and she immediately made me her number one victim, and with my other siblings joining, destroyed my character. There’s been no communication between us for years. Out of my entire family, only my son and eldest aunt will speak with me.

Last week, I was talking with my aunt and out of the blue she said, “I don’t know what’s going on with Kathy. We were talking the other day and she told me to take you out of my will. I asked why? Kathy gave some weak answer, so I told her outright I was not taking you out of my will … and then she went ballistic. She was yelling at me like no one had ever done. She really upset me. But a couple days later, Kathy called me and she was back to her charming self.”

Over three years ago this same aunt wouldn’t speak to me because of the lies Kathy fabricated about me. But she was adopted and does not have the family’s ‘bad’ gene, so we began talking together again and have been on a regular basis. I did my best to explain to her that it wasn’t her “charming self” that called her back, but it was her fake persona, and she slipped out of it for some reason when she went ballistic … probably because she couldn’t have her way. I explained to her that she finally saw the real Kathy that I’ve known all my life.

I know it was tough for her to understand, since she only experienced it that one time. But I believe the subject matter made her see it differently. It was an outright attack on me, and my aunt and I get along probably better than my siblings do with her.

Even when there is silence and distance between a psychopath and their victim, you can never let your guard down. I wage my skirmishes with her and my siblings via psychology. For example, whenever one of my siblings asks my aunt how I’m doing, she always says, “Great.” It must piss them off big time.

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*Addendum: It really does continue for life, especially if family members are involved. See above where I said my eldest aunt still talks to me on a regular basis. That all changed this past weekend when I called her and she said she could not talk to me anymore. Apparently, my sister Kathy felt as if we were talking too much, and planned an assault. When I called my aunt last night, she hung up on me. I just can’t imagine what lies Kathy said to my aunt, but I would imagine they were very malicious

19 Responses to “Character assassination continues for life.”

  1. Karen Says:

    Larry, I totally relate to the ranting vs. charming personalities that sociopaths adopt.

    I wrote before of my sociopath brother and sister, who turned our father against me, and then they ignored my pleas to come help when Dad was drinking himself to death and had stopped caring for himself and his home. I had the opportunity to visit my aunt in February, and she said my sister had told her I had manic depression, and had inherited the gene from our grandfather.

    My aunt refuted that with my sister, as grandpa’s disease was a result of a head injury he had when he was a young man. My sister has not contacted my aunt since then. Sister also told our aunt that she and her husband no longer speak with his twin brother and wife, some falling out, which I am sure was contrived by sociopath sis (she has now effectively alienated and isolated her husband from his family).

    I am on great terms with my aunt and uncle and confident that they believe my side of the story about my Dad and siblings. Sadly, my brother died last fall, and I am sure my sister is relieved as dead men tell no tales, and there is no chance I can reconcile with my brother in this life. I found out about his death after an old friend called, saying there was a Facebook posting about his death.

    Sister did not inform me nor any of our family; aunt, uncles or cousins of our brother’s death. I had to order the death certificate to discover that he had taken his own life. During the period before and after Dad’s death and during the probate lawsuit I never confronted the siblings to tell them off. So, last summer I e-mailed the sibs and told them they were scum. I heard nothing from my brother.

    However, my sister sent me a three page e-mail rant, telling me all the lies she told everyone about me for years, how I was filled with rage, how flawed I was, how I was a great witness for their side during the probate trial (where they tried to smear my character, steal money Dad had left me, and ruin my career.) AS IF I would believe the lies she concocted. I deleted the e-mail as her evil was scorching the page.

    I will never contact her again. My husband tells me, “don’t poke the bear.”

  2. Jordan Says:

    Karen,

    Yes, it’s very disturbing if not very disgustingly sad. Fortunately for me, in a way, I was already familiar and truly felt for a long time one of my parents shared the traits of a spath (please note, I try to be vague in order to not be discovered by my current, and most dangerous spath in my life, my ex-wife). Anyway, what’s most sad is that this parent who is in failing health and eventually discovered is playing up the part in order to use their long time victim under total control, the other parent. It makes me want to vomit to be honest. So, I try to help best I can in order to take the pressure of them. Also, it doesn’t help my ex-wife who I only thought was just nuts, was just playing me all along. For over 10 years, huh, and I thought I was smart!

    I still laugh and mock myself whenever I pass myself in a mirror since (for me it’s therapy, and not in a self-loathing way). It does help to know that they are just playing a game, but most importantly they get enjoyment out of your suffering. Personally? I have to say that the most valuble thing I’ve learned. They cannot be appealed or reasoned with. Also, which breaks my heart still, is they cannot understand the concept of “love”. Yah, that makes me feel real good to give my children a mother who only sees them as things or “possesions”. The fact I am still so bothered by that thought, despite all the ugliness and lies she’s spread about me, I am so torn up inside. Iv’e always known it, still don’t want to believe it.

    My point is, your husband is right… “don’t poke the bear” (I always say, “don’t beat the hornets nest”, same thing). By letting them know that youre doing just GREAT! May be an invite for them to start trouble again. For me? Eh, “I’m very ill, and very depressed” is actually keeping me alive probably. As I know that should keep her (and her disciples happy) for now. Of course, each case is different. Yes, in small ways I can mess with her, and only to confirm her disorder, but still must be very careful.

    Also, I am finding that most of us victims are very much alike. Consistently, like what I have studied is that spaths seem to zero in on mostly good, decent and trusting people. Don’t forget that!

  3. Mark Says:

    I have been looking for months to find some interest in parasitic, narcissistic, psychopathic siblings. My father is 92, likely in his last year. My siblings had him declared incompetent and said they have no time for that old sick sack of bones. All my life the family wanted to believe the daemon diagnosed at age 5 in 1956 as lacking in all empathy.

    Only at age 60 did I begin to understand via Dr Robert Hare, and dr Sandra L brown’ s study of the super traits of victims chosen by psychopaths. Maybe you have not yet run across it. Looks for Victims of psychopaths by Sandra L Brown.

  4. Larry Says:

    @ Karen

    You are lucky to have people that believe you. Everyone my sinister sister has gotten to, I’ve lost all communication with. People treat her like she’s the most likable, honest individual. People just don’t realize that evil doesn’t come with a red cape and horns.

  5. Jacob Says:

    It is eerie how close I feel to your story.

    I am from a large family and sadly, and definitely not to my benefit, it seems a large chunk of them are sociopathic. I read about this other disorder called borderline personality disorder, and I think this is in the mix. I never understood how one older sibling could repeatedly do something, such as to the house, and then blame it on me.

    I was always told I was given way more attention by parents than anyone, but I had to work so hard for the attention that really I was giving it to my parents. So anyway, there are a few siblings who work together to constantly bring me down. It came to me in full realization when we were having a holiday dinner, and everyone was following the most manipulative of all as if he had them with strings on his fingers.

    All the laughs, jokes, and stories, and though I had been away for awhile at college, I was either completely ignored or most of them would just exchange looks with each other as if they were communicating like a hive. After that I have done so much to live away from them, but there’s always something about parents or grandparents that would just tear me apart if I didn’t involve myself just to respect that I wasn’t thrown out onto the street. But it’s the same thing with the siblings, because I just arrive and I see their body language coiling up for some “creative” tasks.

    Is it better in the end just to stay away from them all? One thing that struck me is about the will because I know something would happen if I completely excommunicated myself, but at this point I feel it’s just not worth remaining associated with hell.

  6. Larry Says:

    Jacob,

    Yes, it sounds as if you are in family hell. I always had a good relationship with my mom, but I hardly spoke with my dad during my entire 20s. And I was never close to my siblings.

    For your own sanity, you do need to distance yourself from those who attempt to break you down. Hopefully there’s someone in your family that is not like the rest that you could stay in touch with. There’s no easy answer.

    A good therapist can help, but not all are compassionate or know much about psychopathy. If you go to one, find out in the first visit or so that they have experience and can help you. Talking to someone qualified about it will do you worlds of good.

  7. R Says:

    The smear campaign. I know it well.

    All the research I did in recent years sort of lined things up for me. For years, I knew something was wrong, but couldn’t figure it out. I’d go to birthday parties for this person’s child, then one or two people who were introduced to me would give me this evil eye, and for what reason, I did not know.

    Years, MANY YEARS LATER, i’d figure out why. but i still don’t know what was said behind my back or why i was slandered. my heart goes out to you, and to all the people who post here….for some reason, you are nailed to the cross, though you have done nothing wrong. it is infuriating, when you have a family member that you looked up to all your life, only to slowly figure out something’s not right about them.

    then you learn the truth, usually it’s an accidental discovery through a website, or the like….all of the sudden, their strange behavior finally makes sense to you. then you learn to stay away. but you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and still get on with life. you do what you can…

  8. Dawn Says:

    Hello Larry,

    I’ve been perusing the site quite a bit because I believe I am the victim of someone who may be a sociopath.

    The only doubt I have about what she is comes tied to her lies. From what I read, sociopaths are excellent liars. The person in question is a terrible liar. They are thrown together and easily disproven. Beyond that she fits the rest of the description of a sociopath though.

    I would love to hear your opinion on her, however, she trolls the internet all day and night so I fear posting anything too descriptive. So for now, is it possible for a sociopath to be completely terrible at what they do (lying)?

    I would appreciate anyone’s insight.

  9. Larry Says:

    Dawn,

    In general, sociopaths are known to be excellent liars. But I would have to stop there and say that in my opinion, yes, they are known liars, but there could easily be bad liars amongst the group.

  10. Sara Says:

    There is every possibility that your sister Kathy did not lie to your Aunt at all. Often a Sociopath may attack or threaten a family member or associate of a victim in an attempt to isolate the target. Perhaps your Aunt was threaten by Kathy and stopped talking to you to protect herself, since she doesn’t seem like the type to suddenly buy into a lie.

  11. Emy Says:

    If the Aunt could be so easily cowed by Kathy, it demonstrates that she is weak. She’s actually going to let someone else tell her who she can and can not see? But she’s done this before; she didn’t talk to you before. Maybe this is a pattern.

    Whatever the case, it seems like everyone is letting Kathy run the show. But I think Kathy will regret her decision to bully the Aunt because now she’ll have no access to her scapegoat. No one will be able to ask how you are doing anymore and that’s probably a good thing. Sometimes you have to cut all ties. The Aunt is still talking to people who are not on your side. Maybe she got tired of people asking about you. Maybe she was tired of being in the middle and was tired of being courageous.

    Maybe she was scared that Kathy would begin to turn on her and spread rumours about her and it is easier for her to just let you go rather than fight all of them. It’s best, in my opinion, to let the Aunt go. Don’t call her anymore. When somebody is on your side, they are always on your side. It doesn’t sound like the Aunt is strong enough to be consistently on your side but she does provide information about you to the others (you don’t know what she tells them). You still have your son; invest in him.

  12. Larry Says:

    Welcome Emy,

    I’m impressed, as you see it very clearly. You hit many nails on the head. I do still have my son, he’s away at college, but he never fails to give me a hug when we get together.

    I think he struggles with the “bad gene” a little, but he fights it. He maintains no communication with his mom. He’s had the same girlfriend since high school, and she’s a sweetheart. They’ll likely marry. He’s an outcast, too, because he didn’t get sucked in by his mom and stood with me; that’s one way I know it comes from my ex to Kathy.

    My last remaining aunt is in her 80s. I always figured that whatever I told her could likely make its way to Kathy, but somewhat innocently. My aunt always heard from me that I was happy and doing fine. Kathy is very sly and manipulative, and my aunt could say things without knowing it.

    But it’s not my aunt who creates the lies. Kathy has been in touch with my ex-wife Julie for years (I don’t know how many years, but it’s more than a decade). I believe that even though there’s no contact between us, my ex fabricates stories, probably supporting whatever Kathy wants to hear.

    The slander is just unbelievable, and it will continue after my death. I don’t intend on dying any time soon, but our family’s next generation, except for my son, will carry whatever they think about me, and will probably pass it onto their kids.

    What holds me together is that I know I’m a good person and have nothing to be ashamed of. Although they should, they feel no shame as they are incapable to feel any empathy or other emotions towards others.

    I won’t be contacting my aunt again. She’s one of the suckers who follows and believes Kathy. Kathy is skiled at manipulation, and has many followers. If it weren’t for catching her in the big lie, I would probably not know nearly what I know today.

    I’m waiting for karma to arrive, and until then, I’ve got new friends and headed down a different path. It must tick her off to now end. But that’s entirely her problem.

    Thanks again.

  13. Larry Says:

    @ Sara,

    I wish you were correct, but my aunt looks up to my sister, because Kathy was my dad’s favorite, and couldn’t do anything wrong.

    My aunt quit communicating with me overnight back in 2008-2009, and it took me a year of two to open up conversations again. My aunt will probably believe my sister before me, even if it is about me. My sister and I have no contact, live on opposite sides of the country, but she still works at destroying my character.

    My sister is not the type to threaten, but the type to undermine people’s credibility (i.e., assassinate characters). Her followers are poor and weak examples of humans.

    I’m not going to try to contact my aunt again as it will only stress her out more, and I do not want to be part of her heart attack, or whatever may happen to her. She’s elderly and gets confused easily. I’ve let them all go, except for my son.

    If my daughters show up one day and show real remorse, I think in time I could probably forgive them, but unfortunately, never forget. That’s because they’re my kids. I doubt if i’d ever let my siblings back into my life … frankly I’m sure of that.

  14. carma Says:

    I cant believe that my family still doesn’t believe what I say about my sister. That she was a sociopath (she died in 1990). That she lied about me. Set me up. Ruined my life. They cant see it even after they found out she molested her son! Heart broken

  15. carma Says:

    The most cruel and horrible thing my sociopath did to me, besides trying to kill me, was she alienated me from almost everyone I loved.Including my now ex husband. And convinced me she was the only one that loved me.

  16. Larry Says:

    Carma,

    Too often that what is stated by people. My mon and dad are gone now, so I take the full wrath of my siblings. Cutting ties is all I had left to do. None of my extended family will speak with me; even though it saddens me, it’s their loss.

  17. carma Says:

    Thank you Larry for reminding me to think soberly. Sometimes i get down and need a reality check. Thank you for giving me a place to do that.
    Dragonflytoo

  18. to thine own self be true Says:

    I just found your site today, reading posts here and there, I identify with many many comments, yours & others. Just to reiterate what was already stated:

    Carma wrote: “The most cruel and horrible thing my sociopath did to me, besides trying to kill me, was she alienated me from almost everyone I loved.”

    Larry wrote: “Too often that what is stated by people. My Mom and Dad are gone now, so I take the full wrath of my siblings. Cutting ties is all I had left to do. None of my extended family will speak with me; even though it saddens me, it’s their loss.”

    I could have easily written the exact words…..

  19. Madmacks Says:

    Larry,

    I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to update you on my situation. I have now publicly accused Dr. Stanton Samenow, an expert in criminal psychology of fraud, by withholding or ignoring clear and undeniable facts, evidence, and patterns of behavior that can be collectively viewed as red flags of psychopathy.

    I agreed to have Dr. Samenow appointed to conduct a psychological evaluation of myself and my ex-wife when she refused to negotiate anything in our divorce and was denying me access to the children. This was also after I found out, after 8 years of marriage, that my father in law was convicted of accomplice to murder, for hiring Charles Harrelson (Woody’s Father) to murder his childhood friend and business partner.

    My ex-wife also was diagnosed with cognitive and memory issues after a traumatic brain injury. Dr. Samenow hid the severity of the injury and did not even contact any of the three neurologists that treated her.

    I have emailed over 40 forensic evaluators and experts in psychopathy and invited/dared them to conduct a peer review of Dr. Samenow’s work.

    I have decided that I will not remain silent as long as I am being targeted and bullied by a psychopath.

Your insights are appreciated ...

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