ABOUT
First and foremost, this is all about TRUTH.
Although this site has grown to cover a broader range of psychopath articles, it was originally created as my online journal to document my life story, including psychopathic siblings, a parent, a wife, and even co-workers. As unbelievable as many of the events sound, my story is all presented from first-hand experience — nothing is from hearsay. This is my solemn oath.
About the Author
Most of the posts document events that were personally experienced by Larry, the author, and written in the first person. Autobiographical would be accurate.
For posts about Larry, the following would be a good start:
The devils among us.
Growing-up hated by my loved ones.
Parallel trauma.
Befriending Evil
The purpose of this site is to help bring awareness of the characteristics of a sociopath, and the real dangers they represent to anyone they associate with — even family. Estimates range from one-or-two people out of every twenty are sociopaths … that means five-to-ten percent of the country’s population have little-to-no capacity to feel guilt for anything they do.
5-10% of the population consists of people very capable of deceptively evil activity against the most unsuspecting — close friends and family members. But one of the most dangerous aspects about them is their persona — their public act. They pretend, and very convincingly so, to be a very nice person … a friend to all. Not at all of what you’d expect. And that character they present is how they manage to elude exposure and even capture.
Country-of-Liars is not an attempt to cover a full country of liars, but is here to document the malicious and purely sinister activities of the sociopaths who have affected one man’s entire life … mine.
Extrapolating the percentage of sociopaths in my life, up to the country’s population — as well as factoring in supporting data from multiple research sources — it’s quite easy to conclude that we do live in a country of sociopaths … not just casual liars.
Based on the numbers, you know at least one sociopath.
One of your colleagues could be a sociopath.
One of your siblings could be a sociopath.
Your spouse could be a sociopath.
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April 26th, 2010 at 13:59
Hi,
Recently, I stumbled onto your site.
I am a mother of an adopted Korean girl. She came to us when she was 4. She is now 28 and working on a 4th name and 2nd husband. I am also disabled and became so shortly after her arrival in 1986. I struggle with pain and also am a therapist. Well trained, but also a Mom, I saw so many red flags in our daughter.
She conquered and divided for years and I ultimately confronted her RAD [Editor: Reactive Attachment Disorder] and now Sociopathic behaviors and characteristics. She has broken me because I have no family left and she went through our money to gain as much as she could get. We no longer have any beneficial purpose within her realm of reality. Although, my husband and I had to struggle to stay together, we did, and he recognizes her diagnosis but it took a long time and some real hurt toward him before bells and whistles went off.
We have a farm and have spent most of our lives rescuing animals; horses, dogs, cats. We are getting older and had hoped for a nice relationship w ith our family. I miss that I will not be a grandmother and aunt and sister to my family. I wake each and every morning and cry because I miss my Mom and the one who would have stood by me.
Lonely and sad, we know that getting away from this area of the country and attempting to live the rest of our lives devoid of family is going to be our lifestyle. Family whom I loved and thought loved me have no time for us. Unless there is a wedding that bears the need of a gift or party requiring same, no one calls me and they never visit.
My daughter continues her relationships with them I have heard that they do just fine with her and that the problem is us, not Malia. Honestly, there are a few friends that know her routine and just shake their heads and one recently said, “you do not have a daughter K!” I guess the truth hurts but as Mother’s day approaches I find myself a little sadder and more hurt then ever.
Sometimes, I think sociopaths can make you feel so sad and so used that you might just die from a broken heart.
K
April 29th, 2010 at 21:59
This is very, very sad. At some point, Larry, you have to make a decision to just walk away. Probably one of the hardest decisions of your life. Sounds like K and her husband are almost to that point. That might be the only thing left to do.
April 29th, 2010 at 22:48
Jan,
One cannot just “walk away.” If I could — or if anyone could in a similar situation — I know I’d be gone, and I feel that most everyone else would be, too. To put it lightly, there is nothing at all pleasant about being here. But to understand why one cannot “simply walk” away is darn near impossible if you don’t understand what it is to begin with.
There has been nothing in my life that I have not been able to conquer … nothing. Nothing, that is, until I met up with this. I can tell you do not understand it, and granted, it’s not at all easy to understand by having someone tell you. Could you imagine describing color to a person who has been blind since birth?
To understand something like this the best you can — short of getting trapped like this yourself — is reading, and reading a lot. Try reading this site thoroughly, as well as other sites linking from it, and still others by searching on Yahoo and Google. Don’t read the short articles that have a title something like: The 10-Best Ways to Spot a Sociopath … it’s all generally regurgitated trash.
> > Probably one of the hardest decisions of your life.
No, it would be a very easy decision if it were possible. It would have been over long ago.
> > Sounds like K and her husband are almost to that point.
Are you referring to “walking away”?
If so, then no … K and her husband are only changing their geography. “Walking away” is a mind-set. They are changing their geography to distance themselves from their families. It may help, but there’s no guarantee. My “family” is not around here, except my ex-wife.
My blood-relatives are in California, Arizona, and New York — all no where near me. The distance has not protected me. The best thing for K and her husband to do is vanish, i.e., not let any of the old family know how to contact them, or know precisely where they are.
An example of why we can’t just walk away
I was married briefly during my mid-20s to Brenda, and from that relationship, we had a daughter. I believe I passed the bad gene to my oldest daughter, Sarah. Although I probably only speak with Brenda once, maybe twice a year, she has always expressed disbelief as to what my siblings are doing to me.
Brenda has made it clear she has been staying out of it, even though our daughter, Sarah, who lives near her, turned on me about five years ago, stopped all our communication, and began lying about me … maliciously. She’s married and has two daughters of her own.
About two weeks ago (April 2010), while speaking with Brenda on the phone, she jokingly described me as “manic” — a word that I never heard her use before, and one that immediately placed her honesty in question with her statements that she had been “staying out of it.” Without missing a beat, I simply replied, “Really? Give me an example.”
Here’s a little of what Wikipedia.org says about a mania …
Her example was utterly ridiculous, completely incorrect, and confirmed to me she had no idea what “manic” meant. She got busted, though I did not make an issue of it. As a typical sociopath follower, she was using a word to describe me, a word she didn’t even understand, with the single goal of being part of the team to destroy my character. As mentioned, I did not indicate what I had just realized based on her reply, but I asked her for her email address so I could send some evidentiary documents to support my claims.
She kind of acted as if she just forgot it, beginning with, “Oh gawd, what is my address?”
Based on my experience with Sarah and email, I asked Brenda to reply when she got my first email so I knew I had the correct email address, and wouldn’t be sending private information to an unknown person. I sent three emails to her over three days, and never got a reply. When I switched to calling, she never picked-up, or even returned my calls.
As expected, she very likely discussed it with Sarah, they got suspicious, and Sarah probably told her not to reply to me under any circumstance. The same reason Sarah didn’t want me to speak with her husband, Nick — if two people speak who each got different versions of the same story, it begins to get a little steamy.
In my mind, Brenda proved her own guilt.
June 5th, 2010 at 20:23
You say that walking away is a mind set and that is true, it is.
If we choose to walk away (as a mind set) does that not also make us sociopaths?
June 6th, 2010 at 01:00
Hi Anna,
I may be confused as to what you are asking.
Jan is someone who knew me years ago, and does not comprehend the evil lifestyle of a sociopath, and particularly how they can destroy someone they choose to victimize. So to her, walking away means to simply forget about everything that has happened, stop writing about my experiences here, and just move on.
That would probably be a typical response from anyone who has no experience, of their own, with a sociopath affecting their life. One sociopath would be bad enough, though because it is genetically passed from one generation to the next, I have a family of them.
To answer your question as stated: “no.”
But I’m still very confused as to the question. My analogy would be: “if a woman walked away from an abusive relationship, would that make her an abuser?” And in my analogy, I realize my use of the term includes both the mind-set and the physical action.
I wish I could walk-away, but based on the level some people are victimized, it’s virtually impossible. Once someone’s innocent character has been assassinated, destroyed … it’s done, and it can virtually never be undone. The “virtually” is something I would never count on.
It would require that the person who began your character destruction be caught and busted for something similar, and then incarcerated. Only then, IF people want to determine the extent of the character assassinations attributed to that individual, then some may try to clear their names. But for most people, if it’s not their name, it’s not their problem.
My listing of long-term victim symptoms is very accurate. Except for a few, it pretty much defines my life. I went from having a passion for life, to wondering if I still have the will.
See: SYMPTOMS OF A VICTIM
August 31st, 2010 at 19:02
Walking away in my experience is like walking through an avalanche of lies, and as you try to see your tracks to make your way back, another blizzard roars in covering your tracks, and you’re lost.
That’s how cunning sociopaths can be….they don’t lie like the average person….you’re dealing with a avalanche of lies that engulfs whoever comes in their path.
I sometimes would like to go to court to expose the sociopaths I know who were bullying old and sick people, but the lies are virtually like an avalanche….and I would get lost in the snow storm trying to sort them out, and in the end the judge would too!
September 1st, 2010 at 14:58
Hi Phillip,
I like the way you think. I believe it is commonly referred to as ‘logic.’
It seems that most people have given it up since it requires effort, and the possibility of going against the accepted norm … the accepted norm being what most people have accepted as truth because someone else told them, or they read it somewhere. “If it’s printed, it must be true.” [sic]
“We are the Roman Empire of the 21st Century.”
Also, I believe that a high percentage of legal professionals are sociopaths. That includes judges and lawyers. Click on the thumbnail and meet the judge who gave custody of my daughter to her psychotic mother (not to be confused with psychopath) because the judge stated in court my ex “looks” like she’d be a good mother — she had not even uttered one word in the hearing, but she’s attractive.
She’s also bipolar, borderline schizophrenic, revengefully dangerous, APD, and others. The five complaints my ex filed were all fabricated lies — i.e., perjury —
that she was able to walk away from. She filed the suit because she discovered I knew more about her than she thought — that risk of exposure.
In less than a year, she sent my daughter to live with a relative over 1000 miles away, and when my daughter returned, my ex got her an apartment — at the age of 15. I was unaware because I was unable to make contact with her.
My ex’s attorney was a semi-attractive (not in my mind), unmarried female in her mid-30s, who I actually watched flirt with the judge. I represented myself — silly me, but I thought nothing beats the truth.
Thank you for your thoughtful contributions.
Larry
September 7th, 2010 at 20:47
Larry, I clicked on the picture of the Judge, and I read the article.
It’s clearly not surprising that he had given custody to your ex wife … considering that he appears to be a very unconscious person himself. People on the same level of consciousness will see eye-to-eye.
And yes, you are right … a high percentage of legal professionals are sociopathic. I think they have come to these positions with the sole intent of feeling the pleasure of manipulating others. I went downstairs and told a neighbor of mine that I was expecting trouble from a sociopath I know, and he said “just call the police”. LOL
People really are naive. The minute a sociopath sees a policeman, they fall under his spell … even despite the evidence.
September 18th, 2012 at 15:24
I have a 44 year old daughter who is sociopathic, and am so familiar with the manipulations, lies and ploys of sociopaths that just reading about the experiences of others makes my stomach roll with tension.
We’ve separated and come back together many times, now separating yet again only 2 months ago.
She was an extremely difficult baby right from birth, a pretty little baby who struggled against closeness, refusing to be held or comforted by anyone. Her cry was a continuous high-pitched scream, with no variation for hunger, discomfort or sleepiness. She is my second of 5 children, and the only one who presented an enormous challenge to my sense of motherhood. She was 9 months old before she rested her head against my shoulder, and this only because I’d picked her up after she fell asleep in a baby swing. When I picked her up, her tiny sleeping body relaxed against mine. I stood there weeping, as it was the very first time I could hold my baby close. Her norm was to wake up screaming if she was disturbed. Those years were excessively difficult, as she screamed non-stop, even between spoons of baby food. My husband actually took on a part-time job after his full day’s work, “to get away from the screaming,” he said.
As she grew older, there were numerous times each day she engaged in passive-aggressive acts. I could never understand what her reasoning was for these behaviors until years later. It began to dawn on me that innocuous acts on my part, such as giving her a square of cake ever so slightly smaller than her siblings was enough to set her on a path of passive-aggressive “revenge.” When realizing this, I began to pay attention to the minute differences in the size of her treats compared to her siblings, and noted that if she received an ever-so-slightly larger portion, there were no acts of retribution. That was only one area I noticed. I can’t know how many other day to day tiny occurrences she may have deemed “unfair,” resulting in acts of revenge upon me. For sure there must have been tiny somethings often, which disturbed her inner sense of entitlement.
Now I believe, but with no scientific proof, that a part of her brain did not develop past that infantile “all-me” trait that all infants are born with. She seemed never to progress out of a “me-only” thinking into a consciousness that included empathy and genuineness toward others. Still to this day, every action, every detail of her life, and everyone in her life centers around how best she can be served. I have tired of the lies, manipulations, phoniness and assassinations of my character. My other 4 adult children have been affected by these behaviors, and show a wariness of me, though I’ve strived to be conscientiously honest and loving toward them.
The sociopath has the ability to appear so earnest and heartfelt toward his/her listeners that they are able to garner sympathy for themselves and resentment in the listener against the sociopath’s “target.”
It’s been a lifetime of frustration, confusion, unpredictability and embarrassment as my daughter has outright lied about me and misrepresented my heart in the most deliberate and deceptive
ways. This one child has split my family by presenting herself as a victim. It’s been a series of confusing and upside down scenarios for years, and no matter how loving, kind and generous I’ve been with my other grown children, they still hold me at arms-length emotionally.
My daughter’s ex-husband also experiences her lies and manipulations, weekly at the minimum, and though divorced for nearly three years, she still demands of him. He pays her phone bill, car insurance, and will still repair her car, mow her lawn, or do other household repairs, though she’s married again! They have 4 beautiful children, which he fears she will keep from him if he doesn’t do as she wishes.
It seems an impossible feat to have an honest relationship with her, so again I am quietly backing away. Do I love her? As her mother, I cannot escape my deep heart feeling of love for her. She is a predicament there’s no solution for. I don’t wish to hurt her by backing away, though I suspect doing so angers her more than hurts her.
This is my story, though I could go on for hours and hours. There is so much more, as anyone who deals with sociopaths know well. If indeed this behavior is a brain malfunction, I pray that God will consider this. For me, I do miss the delightful side of her even when I know it’s all an act. It’s the turmoil and craziness I need to back away from, and which happens way too often, sadly…
April 2nd, 2013 at 11:23
Hi there! I’m so glad to have found your site. It is somewhat comforting to read comments and stories about this subject from people who have had experience in dealing with sociopaths. Of course sociopaths share a common thread, and that thread (or threads) would be their total lack or remorse and empathy for others. I think I am right in saying, however, that no two sociopaths are exactly the same – correct? Do you know if it is possible to have more than one sociopath in your family? How about more than one sibling who is a sociopath? I realize that this trait is probably acquired from environmental factors that begin at birth, but do you think that it is something than can also be inherited (genetics)?
I am positive that my two older sisters (both my half-sisters, mind you) are both sociopaths. One is 22 years older than I and the other is 20 years older than I. I am the youngest of six, and 4 of my siblings are half siblings. There is a huge age difference between all of my siblings and myself (the youngest being 12 years older than I). I felt like an only child growing up because by the time I was old enough to really remember stuff, the one just before me in age moved out of our family’s house. I did not have to compete for attention or the last cookie in the cookie jar or over who got more slices of pizza or whatever. I discovered in recent years that my other siblings are very competitive, and winning to them is so important – as in always having their way and always having the last word. I was shy and quiet in comparison to the rest of them. Actually, I was their punching bag. I always called “spoiled” by my siblings, and though their own children are spoiled, they do not see it and would rather die than admit that. They think their children are perfect.
I do not mean to ramble on and on, and I am going to make my point in a moment. I just want to say that it feels good to talk about this, and I – like many of your commenters – can write a book about our experience with sociopathic people. I have known many in my life. I know very well that they can wreak havoc on the life of someone who steps on their toes (crosses them or offends them in some way). I have had it happen to me more than once. It is painful, but I think it can make a person stronger. You begin to learn how to deal with them and how to hit them where it hurts. But the big hurdle is their “DISCIPLES” as you say – their blind followers/devotees.
I find these people who are so devoted to be idiots mostly. They don’t realize that they are being USED and manipulated, and the sociopath that they are following most likely does not hold them in the same high regard. But often times, it just isn’t worth it – to take them on. It is emotionally taxing. I took some of them on by calling them out. I got called “crazy” by them and their disciples, but I know I have damaged them by exposing them from what they are. I cast a shadow of doubt in the minds of SOME people who are not so blindly devoted and one day it may finally click in their minds. It’s like throwing something against a wall again and again, hoping it will stick. There’s a saying that one who lives in a glass house should not throw stones, and I find that saying to be true.
So, my two older sisters are sociopaths. No question. But their personalities are different and the way that they manipulate others is different. One is a social butterfly is always the listening ear for other down-and-out souls. THAT is how she gains her followers. She appears empathetic, but she is really a backstabber. And she has NO empathy for me. In her mind, I will always be her spoiled little brat sister (that’s what my two sisters have called me since I was a baby). If something bad happens to me, it is something that I deserve in her minds. If I have problems or get hurt, I am “pitiful” to her.
She works hard at bringing up others and “helping” them, but I am someone to be despised and jealous when I am doing well and to be made fun of when I am not. My other sister’s role in my life is more complex. I sincerely thought that she loved me as a child and she seemed to treat me as if I were her own child. I realize now that she likes to play games, and she often tried to be extra nice to me when my mother disciplined me and divert attention away from my mother onto her (to make me love her more than my own mother – that was her goal). But this changed when I began to “bloom” into a teenager and young woman. She began to despise me…slowly and first and then her hate became more intense. Both my sisters seem to be jealous of nearly every woman that they ever meet, and the older one always had issues with her self esteem and never felt “beautiful”.
She is obsessed to this day with celebrities – especially the beautiful ones like Angelina Jolie. She worships her and J Lo and I know she wishes that she could look like them. But she often criticized me and my appearance in underhanded ways. She would constantly tell me whenever we’d visit that my choices of clothes, makeup, and hairstyles were “wrong” for me, etc, etc, etc. If I got upset or defended myself, she just say that she was trying to help me look my best and that she was entitled to her opinion and that she was “right”…blah blah blah. And oh, my two sisters were so quick to get on the phone whenever we had disagreements to tell everyone about how bad I was and how I was spoiled, etc, etc. No one ever believed me or took my side over those two. Not ever. It was and still is hopeless. But it’s worse than this. I think my oldest sister wanted to hurt me in the worst way, and I don’t think she’d be too concerned if I died. I will not elaborate on this in this public forum because it is too personal. My oldest sister was no a conventional “beauty” but she managed to marry a very wealthy doctor and then managed to run him off with her craziness.
She is very controlling about everything. She has never worked since they married, and their children are grown now. She must be holding something over him, because he continues to support her to this day. She has never had to worry about money since she met him. My sister is wealthy from marriage and she uses her money to manipulate others. THIS is how she keeps her devoted followers. She has never been a social butterfly like the other sister I first mentioned. She is a recluse. But she has the persona of being some kind of generous, benevolent, kind-hearted benefactress who wants to help all the underdogs of the world. Yet she has indicated to me that she doesn’t feel sorry for the “trash” of the world. And she has no empathy for the Natalie Holloways of the world…a beautiful, smart young woman just beginning her life who disappeared without a trace and who was most likely murdered. Why does she not feel sorry for her? Because she is JEALOUS. Natalie is everything she wasn’t. My sister has two children who she loves more than anything else in this world and she would KILL for them.
I know she would not want her daughter to be a victim as Holloway was, but yet she can’t seem to muster any empathy for Holloway because she simply is not her child AND because my sister hates every beautiful young woman in the world. She only cares about her children as they are her possessions, and this is the hallmark of sociopaths.
I’d love to say more, but I will stop for now. Thank you.