VICTIM TRAITS
BEFORE: TRAITS of a Potential VICTIM
Below are the traits most commonly attributed to a sociopath’s victim. Every person is inherently different, and that includes each victim and the traits that are most pronounced in the individual. This is not an attempt to diagnose anyone. An individual would definitely not need all these traits to be considered a potential victim.
- Shyness
- Difficulty communicating
- A lack of self confidence
- Wanting to please
- A belief that if you love enough the person will change
- A belief that if you love enough the relationship will succeed
- Difficulty establishing and maintaining boundaries
- Not being able to say no
- Being easily influenced by others
- Wanting to be rescued from your life situation
- Wanting to rescue others from their distress
- Being over nurturing particularly when not asked
- Feelings of shame and self doubt
- Low self-esteem
- A lack of memories about childhood or periods of adulthood
- A lack of motivation from within and being motivated by others
AFTER: SYMPTOMS of a Relentlessly Abused VICTIM
This is a very accurate list of symptoms experienced by someone who has had their psyche brutally victimized by a sociopath. 
With that said, this list is not all-inclusive, nor is it intended to be part of any diagnostic function, whatsoever. These symptoms can also be triggered by many other conditions or events.
The source of this data is from ongoing research, but the majority of the data is derived and confirmed from personal experience … the key word being “majority” There are some symptoms listed here that I have not experienced at all, though they have been mentioned enough for me to accept them as potentially common.
If you, or someone you know, has experienced even a few of these symptoms, seek professional help. Keep in mind, though, that not all “help” is equal. If the professional you choose does not seem to relate to your needs as you would expect or desire, keep looking.
- Emotional paralysis
- PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
- Suicidal thoughts or actions (
indirect homicide) - Loss of interest in life
- Loss of energy
- Insomnia
- Anxiety
- Depression or Severe Depression
- Numbing of feelings
- Disinterest in having a relationship
- Panic attacks
- Irritability
- Increased anxiety from being alone
- Increased anxiety from being in crowds
- Mood swings
###
May 15th, 2010 at 03:25
Hello,
I just have a short comment.
I have all of the symptoms you listed and I was married for 28 years to a diagnosed Sociopath, Egocentric, and Pathological liar.
I don’t know how I ever survived. I want to say that the list is accurate. I had a good self esteem but he ruined me to everyone and I wonder why there is not a site to list names of sociopaths for people to go to because there should be a place where these peoples names are published for others to be protected from them.
It is a serious and overwhelming disorder that should be taken ver seriously. Once you have left them and had all you can take they just move on. Re write their life, destroy yours and find a new victim. Horrible Cycle that needs to be online for people so they don’t fall prey to these animals.
May 15th, 2010 at 04:13
Welcome Cherie,
I have most of the victim traits as well as the victimized traits. I believe they are capable of indirect homicide. I’ve thought of ending my own life many times. I was not only married to a sociopath (who was also bipolar, borderline schizophrenic, psychotic, and more), but all three of my siblings, and my late-dad, are all sociopaths.
Unfortunately, all three of my children have inherited the bad gene. For reasons unknown, I was the skipped generation, but I still carried it. I believe the estimates of 5-10% of the population are very low.
They are so cunning and malicious, it would not surprise me if half the population carries it in some way. Just read my story about the sociopath married to the clueless psychiatrist. She completely controls him.
Best of luck to you, and thanks for sharing.
Larry
May 15th, 2010 at 11:18
Hello Larry and thank you,
Your situation sounds so identical to mine as to the family members.
Your term of Indirect Homicide is so true that it actually took my breath away when I read it.
I feel it still today as if he was legally allowed to take my life and the life of my one and only son that does not have the bad gene. My mom has it but mostly I married into it. I have never been the same since knowing him and my life with him was horrific to say the least. People honestly don’t understand.
Your site is so very real and very interesting and I am going to keep reading on it. Your story helps others like myself understand that we are not alone. My life was and even now still is the most awful life I could have ever wished for yet I don’t remember half of it. The manipulation, steeling, lying and everything else bad in the world is attached to these people. My ex in my case and my father and sister and brother-in-law and now my son. How did you ever survive it with the ability to go forward. I have a bad back now due to the hits and throws that happened during his drunk nights. Yet I am expected to just jump up and start all over as if none of it ever happened.
There is truly now help out there. I thought about taking my life but my youngest son has only me. He is sooooo confused as to it all and has no where to go with his feelings and just wants to block it all out. I know he needs to join a group but he is actually embarrassed by it all which does not help him to understand that it is a real disorder and not just a bad dad and brother and grandfather etc…..He just say’s he has a crazy family and cannot relate to anyone because of it.
He has a huge heart and is nothing like the others. He was, like yourself, spared. My mom is actually NPD mostly but I do think she, too, is a sociopath but my family won’t admit to it. My brother and sister (blood) act differently and seem to feed my mom and I won’t do it because I married the sociopath and they did not. I had a double dose. I see it clearer. Well, I have written a book here but it’s so hard to explain and I enjoy the depth of just the little that I did read last night. I will follow the site and please write back at any time. I will follow your story. It helps so much to know that I am not crazy and this is real. It has been 28 years of hell and prior to that a very awful childhood with my mom.
Now what? That is what I ask myself so often. I don’t date ~ Because Nobody Understands. I put on the act the best that I can that I am looking and that I will have a normal life all for my son. I know it won’t happen. I am just to sick from all of it.
You take care and write to me please as I will look forward to hearing anything that will make me realize that I’m not alone.
Are NPD’d people always Sociopaths? I think my ex is a Psychopath but did not stay in counseling long enough.
He just blew through one million dollars and now he is broke and so he wants me off his back and my son because he thinks it is our fault. I live on 29 thousand alimony but my late-dad got him his job. He made a ton of money and it’s gone. He is living across the street and just bought a six carrot diamond for his soon to be new wife. She does not believe he is a sociopath. Nobody believes me. I feel sometimes like I am the crazy one. We moved 55 times and that is part of what has just worn me out too.
He went bankrupt and I lost my car and home and now he is a millionaire that just lost it all again. I am afraid that he might actually hurt me to get rid of me. He tried to poison me when we where married. Oh it is such a long story and he got away with it all and I look like the crazy one and I am not crazy at all.
well…bye for now…I will be visiting your site often.
Thank you for the warm welcome.
Cherie
May 15th, 2010 at 12:13
Those are very kind words, Cherie.
I hope you do not mind I added it to the thread. I believe your words will benefit others. Psychopaths and sociopath are pretty often used interchangeable now. Therapeutically, they are no longer used as diagnoses, but they describe a category of personality disorders, which includes NPD, if I’m not mistaken.
Sociopaths can surely kill in many ways. I believe one can die from a broken heart, and that would be due to how the body reacts to such depressive misery. But suicide is probably the number one reason of indirect homicide. And I believe that what’s behind the suicides of so many of our teens.
What I really find unbelievable is how our nation’s school administrators, primarily those in middle school or junior high, cover-up bully problems and allow the bully to enter society.
My son was a victim of bullies in middle school. When my son was being tormented, the school tried to place the blame on him — blame the victim, let the bullies go.
He always rated in the top 1% in national testing in science and math, and the top 10% in everything else (50% being average). When he was in 6th grade, he was invited by one of our state universities to attend the Saturday Classes for the Gifted.
He now attends that university. When I took him out of the middle school to have him finish the school year with a family member in another state, the school administrators knew exactly why I was taking him out of the school — bullying. I had often complained that they had an unchecked bully problem, yet I’d get blank stares.
But when I went to sign the paperwork for his transfer, they had already filled in the field for “Reason for Leaving” — the reason, or course, was the school’s bully problem, but they wrote in “moving out of state.”
Why? It looks really bad if schools have bully problems. In my home state, there exist three levels to the state bully law, yet they seem to be ignored.
1st Offense: One-day in-school suspension
2nd Offense: One-week off-campus suspension
3rd Offense: Expulsion
Expulsion means that they are transferred to the district remedial school. So I did a little homework. I wanted to find out how many kids had been sent to the remedial school for bullying from our entire district.
There were at least two kids that harassed my son who qualified for Expulsion. The district remedial school had exactly zero kids there for bullying. None. Cover-up? Just feeding our society with young sociopaths? The kids there were for smoking on campus, cutting class, and other stupid reasons to separate them from other kids. Not even one for harassment.
I raised my son and daughter (from ages 4 & 2) solo. It was my passion. I never said a negative thing about their mom, as I knew they’d find out. I had offers from other parents to trade kids. I was so damn proud of my experience and success.
But I didn’t see it coming. About the time they both began to enter young adulthood, they began showing signs of personality disorders. Once again, it tore my heart out seeing what was happening, and not a thing I could do.
My son is much more aware of my concern and involvement, than his sister. He knows all about this site. I have not seen his sister in four years because a sociopath (her mom) can manipulate our legal system. Commit perjury, multiple times, and walk away.
Our legal system is truly broken. I do think there’s hope for my son, though it will be an uphill battle.
I just hope I can survive long enough.
Hang in there, and thanks again.
Larry