Question from reader “Jenna”

I have tipped off my sociopath that I’m aware of what he is, as well as past crimes. He has already subjected me to unthinkable violations. How can I protect myself now?

It’s difficult for me to come up with any specific recommendation as I know not what your relationship was or is with this man … partner, co-worker, family member, supervisor, etc., and for how long. If his past crimes could mean incarceration, your safety could be at risk.

But generally speaking, the number one suggestion would be to move far away with no forwarding information. If he just found out, as you said, your problems are just beginning. He likely believes you are a threat to exposing him, and will always be. Being far away diminishes that threat to some level. continue reading…

Revised: 2011.3.12Does “bad-upbringing” create a sociopath?

Upbringing will not make a psychopath, nor prevent one.

What defines “bad-upbringing” anyway?  What defines “good-upbringing”?

Consider this: if “bad-upbringing” can create a psychopath, then “good-upbringing” should prevent one. The argument is flawed, since if one is true, so should be the other; if one is false, then they are both false.

I know as fact that even a strong, compassionate bond with your well-liked kids is no match for the bad gene. In most cases, continue reading…

Source: Wikipedia.org

Character assassination is an attempt to tarnish [or destroy] a person’s reputation. It may involve exaggeration or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. It is a form of defamation and can be a form of ad hominem argument.

The Irreversible Effects

For living individuals targeted by character assassination attempts, this may result in being rejected by his community, family, or members of his or her living or work environment. Such acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify, continue reading…

UPDATED: 2011 Jun 20

2010 Jul 13

I just received a very unexpected note from Christopher — the old kind of note: in an envelope with a stamp. For those not familiar, Christopher is the guy that my soon-to-be ex-wife Julie was having an affair with, then married, when she left me and our two kids in 1995. I was granted full physical and legal custody. Within five years, they added three more messed-up kids to the planet.

That’s not what he was apologizing for …

Reading this letter immediately reminded me of a statement Christopher made back during the divorce. Now, 15 years later, Christopher’s letter completely contradicts his previous recorded comment … or does he apologize for it?  continue reading…

When looking at your sociopath, all you see is another person. What you will never see is that person’s history. Their history is like a hostility throttle. Depending on what they’ve gotten away with in the past determines how they will respond to an attempted exposure now.

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No matter who you are, how powerful you are, what profession you’re in, how smart you think you are, how many friends you think you have … no matter what you think you’ve got that no one else has, try to understand the risk is too high to expose, or take on a sociopath or psychopath.

Try to accept that your best chance of maintaining your quality of life is to forget it and move on. The odds are entirely against you.*

It’s what you don’t know.

This sociopath used you, and your innocent actions resulted in someone losing something (the who and what are not important here). It was by complete chance that you discovered the sham. The sociopath is currently unaware that you know.

You don’t want to see it happen to anyone else. From your good, honest upbringing, you want to expose this guy and make him pay for damages, so as to make sure he won’t do it again.

You believe in accountibility.

Very admirable.

Your sociopath first recognized his outwardly differences continue reading…

 
“… What’s my best option?”
 
All you need is this one answer …
 
Read this thoroughly. By the time you reach the end, you will hopefully realize that “avenge” is the worst thing you can do … don’t even consider it.  Your best option can be summed-up very briefly — leave town.

If anyone else encourages you to take on the sociopath, supporting you by saying you can do it — distance yourself from him or her, too.  Don’t argue, just distance. The risk you’d be incurring is far beyond whatever solace you think you’d gain.   continue reading…

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Synopsis :: REVISED: 2010 JUL 26 — A sociopath may have many, many followers, but a disciple would belong to the sociopath’s most trusted inner-circle. A disciple is completely devoted and loyal, based on a combination of being shallow, gullible, needy, as well as ignorant. They are the ultimate groupies.

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Revised: 2011 Jan 18    (First published: 2010 Jun 7)
 
My week began with a brief call intended for my brother, Alan, but instead turned into a long call with his wife, Karen. I believe we spoke for close to two hours, something I don’t believe she and I had ever done before. I never did speak with Alan.

A couple days after that call, though, something hit me: an overwhelming intuition that Karen has been kept in the dark. I have no idea why that instinct took so long to arrive, but in my mind, it was unquestionable. There were parts of the conversation that I felt Karen should have been aware of, but she wasn’t. By the time the instinct arrived, I couldn’t even remember which parts they were. I only felt that darkness that surrounded her. continue reading…

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Synopsis :: The secret to a sociopath’s successful destruction of an innocent person’s good character is due to the abundance of the truly gullible and ignorant.  P.T. Barnum made a good living from them.

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Majority Rules … Universally-Accepted Decision Making.

Majority Rules have long been equated to fairness in determining the outcome that would most favor the multitude. On the surface, it would appear flawless in its ability to consistently satisfy those parameters.

But just below the surface, something is flawed. Ideally, individual votes should all be from individual thinkers. Critical thinkers. So if all the voters are truly individual, critical thinkers, each analyzing the candidates thoroughly and determining the best candidate the fill the actual need, then the Majority Rules will perform flawlessly. But that will never happen.

Instead of a country of leaders, we have a country of followers.

The Fact is, we are all headed in the Wrong Direction.

More and more, we are getting by with less individual thinking. How? [that was a pun] By accepting and allowing others to do our thinking for us. continue reading…

All names have been changed to protect my innocent ass.

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Multi-Tasking: The Psychiatrist as a Disciple.

When I first met Dr Esbe in 2006, I was immediately taken by his charisma. He seemed like someone who wasn’t a psychiatrist — easy going, charming, with a quick and easy-smile; so as far as shrinks go, he seemed relatively normal.

As a comparison, I’ve seen two other shrinks in my life — one would easily fit in the ADHD¹ category, while the other would probably feel at home in the OCD² group. But Dr Esbe seemed more like the LDA³ type to me.

Additionally, since I have no medical insurance, Dr Esbe agreed to take me on pro-bono. Because of that, I wanted to give something in return. Something of value. I knew it would make me feel much better about it, since I was not used to getting stuff for nothing. My botched surgery of a few years ealier has made me see life from vantage points I never imagined. continue reading…

 
Maybe you’re in a position now that requires you to hire staff. That usually means you also have the responsibility to let others go.

People working for me had to work really hard to lose their job. When I identified someone as losing focus, passion, or ambition, I’d climb aboard. I wanted to find out what was causing the change. Generally, one doesn’t go from a valued employee to a questionable employee just as a whim.

It may not be something they wanted to talk about at first, and that’s OK, as it was not the most important aspect. I respected their privacy, and they knew that. But after they realized I was truly concerned about them, and my focus was on their well-being, they virtually always opened up. When we got to that point, I felt fairly sure that I saved a good employee.

There’s usually something at the base of it all, something responsible for the trauma — potentially outside the office environment — and that “something” can usually be fixed. Usually.  But what if it’s an excellent employee who became ineffective, virtually overnight, as well losing his ability to keep his high performance and work-quality ratings? This is someone who’s been with the company a long time. continue reading…