All names have been changed to protect my innocent ass.

Multi-Tasking: The Psychiatrist as a Disciple.

When I first met Dr Esbe in 2006, I was immediately taken by his charisma. He seemed like someone who wasn’t a psychiatrist — easy going, charming, with a quick and easy-smile; so as far as shrinks go, he seemed relatively normal.

As a comparison, I’ve seen two other shrinks in my life — one would easily fit in the ADHD¹ category, while the other would probably feel at home in the OCD² group. But Dr Esbe seemed more like the LDA³ type to me.

Additionally, since I have no medical insurance, Dr Esbe agreed to take me on pro-bono. Because of that, I wanted to give something in return. Something of value. I knew it would make me feel much better about it, since I was not used to getting stuff for nothing. My botched surgery of a few years ealier has made me see life from vantage points I never imagined. continue reading…

 
Maybe you’re in a position now that requires you to hire staff. That usually means you also have the responsibility to let others go.

People working for me had to work really hard to lose their job. When I identified someone as losing focus, passion, or ambition, I’d climb aboard. I wanted to find out what was causing the change. Generally, one doesn’t go from a valued employee to a questionable employee just as a whim.

It may not be something they wanted to talk about at first, and that’s OK, as it was not the most important aspect. I respected their privacy, and they knew that. But after they realized I was truly concerned about them, and my focus was on their well-being, they virtually always opened up. When we got to that point, I felt fairly sure that I saved a good employee.

There’s usually something at the base of it all, something responsible for the trauma — potentially outside the office environment — and that “something” can usually be fixed. Usually.  But what if it’s an excellent employee who became ineffective, virtually overnight, as well losing his ability to keep his high performance and work-quality ratings? This is someone who’s been with the company a long time. continue reading…

This is one man’s very real story — my nightmare — beginning with my earliest memories, being physically and verbally abused by my alcoholic father, as well as his favorite and first child, my violently hostile, oldest sister, Kathy. Another older sister, Marcia, began her own psychological abuse against me sometime in her mid-to-late teens.

Hers were very calmly delivered, pure psychological degradation. She was very narcissistic, such as entering beauty pageants, taking modeling classes, and becoming a varsity song girl (i.e., cheer leader) in high school. She craved the attention, and would walk past me on campus as if we were complete strangers — no, actually she’d probably smile to a complete stranger.

Sometime between his teens and 20s, my younger brother, Alan, emerged with his own narcissistic and violent, sociopathic characteristics. None of us were close growing up. The only two siblings who maintained an ongoing relationship into adulthood were Kathy, the oldest, and Alan, the youngest. They also shared the similar violent and hostile temperaments, the charming personas, and the complete lack of compassion, morality, integrity and of course, any semblance of honesty. continue reading…

 
If you suspect you are targeted by a sociopath, you MUST be proactive in gathering strong evidence to defend yourself … do not think you can gather it later. A sociopath’s skill is accumulating followers, blind followers, and their most devoted, those I’ve labeled disciples. When it comes time to prove your innocence, even having the best evidence will still prove a challenge to convince anyone already sold on your “guilt” — whatever they were made to believe.

Therefore, the most important asset a victim can have is an abundance of undeniable evidence … solid substantiation to support the truth. Your word against their’s has a foregone conclusion — you will lose. Virtually no one will believe your description of the sociopath’s activities, statements, or their real character, since that charming persona has already destroyed your character, made themselves look incapable of any such activity you claim, and likely made you out to be a dishonest jackass.

The sociopath will not lose

A sociopath’s goal is to protect their public persona — protect their real personality from being exposed — continue reading…

For three years before I was born, even with another sister between us, Kathy got all dad’s attention. Old family photos hold many secrets. Kathy was always in dad’s lap. Marcia was always in mom’s.

Mom was pregnant again. If my folks didn’t have a boy, that would put an end to any future generations of our family branch. In that vein, Marcia was probably a disappointment of sorts, not being a boy, which contributed to Kathy maintaining dad’s favor after Marcia was born.

It’s a Boy.

Namesake, even. Photos of me being held by every distant relative, many whom had not appeared in any previous family photos, and virtually no sign of Kathy in any of those early photos. continue reading…

Revised: 2011 Jan 18   (First published: 2010 Apr 11)
 
My brother Alan is a cheat, a liar, and the executor of my parents’ Trust … a very bad combination. Interestingly, he’s also a CPA and lead auditor with the government.

Regarding all issues with the Trust, he has kept me out of the loop entirely. Alan never provided me with any of the documents required by law, except for an emailed copy of the Trust itself, after 10-days of asking.

He emptied out my parents’ house of everything, telling me he gave all their belongings to charity … another lie, as he told me things he was in possession of. He said he never had an estate sale … a decision I don’t believe was his alone to make.

He also took my dad’s Cadillac telling me that dad gave it to him a year before he died. On more than one occasion, I asked for the VIN number though he refused to give it to me. Living on opposite coasts, along with other obstacles, he knew it would be difficult for me to challenge him.

April 2010

I received the following voice mail message from Alan regarding my parents’ Trust … a full three years after mom died (dad died the year before mom). I do not believe he and I had spoken since he hung-up on me in August 2007 (the next recording down). continue reading…

PART 5: When Plans Backfire

 
… con’t from Part 4

On the morning of Kathy’s and Marlin’s departure, Kathy told me that they would have a stop-over in Salt Lake City, and that if I needed to get in touch with her, just leave a message on her cell, and she’d check it when they landed.

I remember that hit me as odd, since that would be only two hours after their flight left, and I didn’t plan to speak with them for the week they’d be gone. While driving them to the airport, she said it again, so that time it raised a flag. I didn’t ask anything, but I wondered what she was expecting me to call about.

“Surprise … I lied.”

continue reading…

PART 4: Body English: Physical Reactions while Lying

 
… con’t from Part 3

It was now less than two weeks before my scheduled trip to Mesa. As I stated in part 3, this was to fulfill my week-long obligation to house-sit and kid-sit for Kathy and Marlin while they were out of town.

As I planned, after those first phone calls with Kathy, I did not mention anything relating to Julie or Kathy’s mystery denials of communication. During that month, my 10-year-old daughter returned from one of her mom-visitation-weekends, with a question …

“Dad, isn’t Aunt Kathy your sister?”

“Yes she is.”
continue reading…

PART 3: The One Small Lie and the Big Red Flag

 
… con’t from Part 2

My son, David, had now been in Arizona for a few days. Kathy and I had been on the phone regularly. By the end of the week, though, the number of our calls decreased substantially. It was during one of those, I remembered that I needed to share the information concerning Julie.

Since Kathy had no idea that I was aware of their communication, it was only natural for me to begin with a question …

“… oh, and before I forget: Have you been in touch with Julie?“

“No.”

RED FLAG: That was not the correct answer.

As simple as it was, I thought I confused her. So, I rephrased it …

“I’m sorry, let me try that one again: Have you been communicating with Julie, you know, by email or by phone?”

“No, I don’t even remember the last time we spoke.”

Except I knew with 100% certainty that Julie and Kathy spoke the previous weekend. At that point, I dropped it, as if it were no big deal.

But, it was a big deal.
continue reading…

PART 2: How I almost missed a Red Flag.

 
… con’t from Part 1

Five days had passed since I pulled my son David out of school. Due to the school’s inability, or more precisely, unwillingness to recognize their student-on-student harassment problem, I was forced to tackle it myself, at least as for my son. Once again, though, it seemed like the bad guys had scored another victory … but they had accomplices: the school administration.

By Sunday morning, my sketchy plan was to file a formal complaint with the Board of Education, talk to the police, and if need be, an attorney. I’d complete the details by day’s end.

An unexpected call from Kathy

Shortly after noon, the phone rang. It was a call from my sister, Kathy.

I recall she sounded upbeat, saying we hadn’t spoken in a while, and she just wanted to chat and see how we were doing. It was not something she did often, but just occasionally — maybe once every year or two. Even though distracted with the issues I was facing, I began sharing information about us as a family in general.

I recall the very next thing she asked was how the kids were doing. Although I did not want to share much detail about my David’s situation, I began with talking about how my daughter Emily was doing. Eventually, I segued to my son, saying …
continue reading…