The Accidental Discovery :: My Sibling is a Sociopath
PART 4: Body English: Physical Reactions while Lying

 
… con’t from Part 3

It was now less than two weeks before my scheduled trip to Mesa. As I stated in part 3, this was to fulfill my week-long obligation to house-sit and kid-sit for Kathy and Marlin while they were out of town.

As I planned, after those first phone calls with Kathy, I did not mention anything relating to Julie or Kathy’s mystery denials of communication. During that month, my 10-year-old daughter returned from one of her mom-visitation-weekends, with a question …

“Dad, isn’t Aunt Kathy your sister?”

“Yes she is.”
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The Accidental Discovery :: A Sociopath in the Family
PART 5: When Plans Backfire on a Sociopath

 
… con’t from Part 4

On the morning of Kathy’s and Marlin’s departure, Kathy told me that they would have a stop-over in Salt Lake City, and that if I needed to get in touch with her, just leave a message on her cell, and she’d check it when they landed.

I remember that hit me as odd, since that would be only two hours after their flight left, and I didn’t plan to speak with them for the week they’d be gone. While driving them to the airport, she said it again, so that time it raised a flag. I didn’t ask anything, but I wondered what she was expecting me to call about.

“Surprise … I lied.”

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Synopsis :: The most common question seems to be: “How do I identify a sociopath?”  I believe it’s the wrong question.

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Out of every 100 people, approximately 90 have at least one sociopath in their circle of friends. Those remaining 10 people are the sociopaths. Estimates vary anywhere from 4% to 12% of those waiting in line with us at the grocery store are sociopaths. These personality disorders, categorized as sociopathic, are very misunderstood by the general population, especially in accepting the fact that they are extremely prevalent and dangerous.

I believe the first matter to deal with is to shed the denial. Of course, that’s very difficult to convince people of the reality … and for some, it’s virtually impossible. What is equally as prevalent and dangerous, as the condition itself, is the rampant denial. I am still baffled as to why otherwise intelligent people allow themselves to be controlled and manipulated, by very shrewd and cunning sociopaths. The only theory I have is that some people are much more susceptible to being brainwashed, to a level that I truly cannot comprehend.

Most are never diagnosed, though, and that’s for one very simple reason: they do not want to be diagnosed. There is no blood-test-type diagnostic procedure providing a positive or negative result. A confirmed diagnosis relies on the suspected sociopath being honest with their answers to the psychologist. Hello? Based on that alone, it’s quite easy to understand why there are relatively few, clinically-diagnosed sociopaths.

“How do I identify a sociopath?”

That’s the most common question, and I believe, it’s the wrong question. continue reading…

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Synopsis :: What’s the first image that comes to mind when you think of a sociopath? Is it a crazed, demented, serial murderer? Or, is it that special person in your office who everyone likes, always seems happy, willing to help others, and generally, just a real charming individual?

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Yes, sociopaths are all the same in one aspect: each one is human (or resembles a human). There are no known canines.

But what about everything else? Isn’t it true that most, if not all, sociopaths are violent maniacs, serial killers … just completely insane?

Let’s evaluate this and determine the truth. If all sociopaths are the same, then it becomes a black-and-white issue. To avoid distraction, let’s take it to a very basic level using dots. A black dot and a white dot.

Which color dot is a sociopath?

Both black dots and white dots have a lot in common, though some people think they’re quite opposite [I don't see that].
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Synopsis :: This is what happened when I published my first Web site on this topic in early 2009. In 2007, two years earlier, I sent an email to my siblings telling them is they did not stop telling horrendous lies about me, I would go public, as it was all I had left to do.

Things got quiet for almost two years, until I discovered from a relative who had not previously been involved, that they had a whole new impression of me. A few months later, I went live with the first site, and revealed it to my sister, Kathy, showing her I was serious and thinking she may stop.

What happened next was beyond frightening, as the capabilities of her blind followers, known as disciples, came through with immediate revenge. The following explains what happened.

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Sociopaths spend their lives manipulating others, all for selfish motives, yet they have the ability to make themselves appear to be some of the most impressive people around, including those of high morality and integrity. They seem to have many friends, yet none of those ‘followers’ actually know the real person, nor does the sociopath consider them a friend. Those “friends” only know the public persona, a very convincing personality that the sociopath creates to use and manipulate others.

While many consider this person a friend, and assume the feeling is mutual, the sociopath is not interested in having friends … the sociopath’s interest is in accumulating devoted followers. None of these “friends” would ever guess at the fact that they can be routinely suspected as knowing too much, placing them on very thin ice in becoming a target.

Estimates range from 4% to 12% of our society are sociopaths … which means about every tenth or so person who reads this is not going to appreciate it.

Dangerous because of ignorance.

Sociopaths are also very dangerous because of ignorance — not theirs, but everyone else’s. Virtually no one without real, first-hand experience is able to comprehend the reality of a sociopath.

A successful sociopath has their group of followers, but they will also have some who have been so completely suckered, that I call disciples. These are the people who have shown to be extremely gullible and easily manipulated.
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The difference between a Psychopath and Sociopath

First, some historical data:

Psychopath … This disorder was first defined and named ~1800 (in France, I believe) and has had its definition revised many times since.

Sociopath … A category of social disorders first defined 1980~1983, and has also been further defined.

One can also find that the term “psychopath” is no longer in use, and was replaced by “sociopath.”

On the other hand, “psychopath” can still be found in use by other reputable sources. So, if and when (i.e., until) a clear delineation is fully adopted, the following seems to be the generally-accepted difference …

A psychopath will use violence — even murder — if they consider it necessary to protect their persona, or simply to fulfill that part of their dementia.

A sociopath would not be driven to physical violence. Technically, though, I consider there to be little-to-no difference between the two, other than time.

A psychopath would have likely been defined as a sociopath before being caught for heinous acts. A sociopath, I believe, could well be driven to hostility based on what they are willing to risk if their activities bordered on becoming public.

Therefore, extreme physical violence clearly separates the two. But, they have much more in common, than in difference.
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First off, it depends what you mean by the word “spot” … to me, I use it in referring to a quick observation. Such as, “I spotted a deer just as it ran into the woods.” If your intended meaning of “spot” is similar, then NO … you’ll never “spot” a sociopath.

Q: How difficult can it be to identify a sociopath?

  A: Does taking 50-years give you any idea?

Yes, in 2003, I accidently overheard something that I thought was minor, but it was not minor to someone I’ve known my entire life. It led to the discovery that my oldest sister, Kathy, is an undeniable and very vengeful sociopath. I am writing a multi-part article, detailing how I happened to make the discovery, why it took so long, and the ramifications it’s had on my life … what you should do, and what you shouldn’t.

A true sociopath is highly skilled at what they do (i.e., manipulation and deception), as they have been working at it every single day of their life. Why? Because it is their life, the only life they know. And they know how to successfully achieve their goals, usually narcissistic, and that’s by drawing in and using others.
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Each school day in the US, approximately 160,000 kids do not go to school for fear of being bullied. [Source: CDC]

Could a Teen Bully be a Young Sociopath in Training?

I know the life history of two sociopaths, one currently in her early-50s, and the other in her late-50s. In both cases, I believe it’s safe to say they were born with personality disorders. As young children and teens, they were already acting out unpolished characteristics of a sociopath, as it would still require experience for them to hone their narcissistic, manipulating and maliciously-deceptive skills.

Both of these individuals exhibited clear warning signs while they were still minors, even though each displayed them in very different ways. In neither case, did their behavior draw any intervention. So it may be safe to say that it would not necessarily be a simple process to identify young people with one of the sociopathic disorders.

Then again, do we have our eyes open?

THE BULLY SYNDROME  NOW PLAYING AT SCHOOLS EVERYWHERE

As I began looking into the problem of student harassment, a friend of mine gave me the name of a clinical psychologist, Dr. Bob, PhD [not his real name], who’s entire life’s work is focussed on school-aged individuals. He is the full-time, Lead Psychologist at the largest school district in the state (by enrollment), and also maintains a ongoing calendar on the lecture circuit.
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I used to think we were all pretty much alike … I used to.

I’ve come to believe we couldn’t be more different.

Through youth, the majority of society learns how to create and fill their unique position of fitting into their place with everyone else. But there are many who simply cannot. This first group, though, is no threat to society, whatsoever.

But whether it’s caused partly by their early environment, or from having a few more crossed wires than most (everyone has crossed wires), they could lead much happier and more productive lives if they are simply identified while still very young, and provided the help they need while it will do them the most good. continue reading…

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Sharon (not her real name), 44, is a widow with two kids. Her husband died three months before their second child was born.

When we met, Sharon had been dating Brian for about 6-7 years. Sharon’s kids were in middle school. Brian had been planning a three-day weekend with his buddies to spend in Savannah — about a three hour drive.

On his way out of town Thursday night, Brian swung by Sharon’s and told her he’d stop by her place Sunday evening when they returned. And he did.

While Brian, Sharon and her kids ate dinner, he told them all about the drive down, the flat tire, the hotels, where and what they ate, and all their activities. As she told me, he talked for almost 90 minutes, right through dinner and dessert.

It got late, so he helped put the kids to bed, and a while later, he left. Just as Sharon was turning out all the lights, she spotted Brian’s camera. When he came in that evening, he said he had just a few empty frames on the roll, so he wanted to use them by taking photos of the kids. continue reading…