134 Responses to “HOME”

1. Christine E Says:
   July 9th, 2010 at 12:52

   I too am dealing with a family of sociopaths and narcissists.

   It’s me against my x-husband, his Mom, his Dad, his Aunt and numerous others. They are trying to take my Daughter away just to get back at me. They lied, set me up, mentally abused me for almost 8 years. I know how it is.

   You gotta stay strong and firm and NEVER give up no matter how many times you get knocked down…..and you will get knocked down because they are able to make people who are on your side one day, to turn on you the next and again, you have to not stop and just keep showing who you are and what your REALLY about.

   It’s an EXHAUSTING battle, but in the end, the web of lies WILL unfold. I have trial July 21st, If I dont win, then they are paying people off. Please everyone pray for me. Anyone on here that has dealt with these kind of people know how it is.

   Thank you

2. Christine E Says:
   July 9th, 2010 at 13:01

   And here is A LOT of the reason I think sociopaths become the way they are. I do believe half is genetics and I think the other half is definitely your up-bringing and one’s status in society.

   My x-husband was ALWAYS the best … the first grandchild, the best in football, prom king, owned biggest commodity firm, etc. … then when he lost everything, he lost his mind. They can’t take not being the best or not being in control. His Parents never taught him right from wrong.

   HE WAS NEVER WRONG….it was EVERYONE else’s fault. Yeah….always everyone else. And no, they can’t be fixed, yet, because they will NEVER admit there is something wrong. I am going to school to be a compounding pharmacist and my goal is to come up with a drug that can help these types of people.

   They are detrimental to society and life ruiner’s or worse…..SO, I think the gov’t has to put this type of personality disorder on the top of their list, they are every bit as harmful as psychopaths. Just like someone who is bi-polar and gets baker acted, I think they should have laws for people like this to be institutionalized and get the meds they need.

   There would be less crime, less lives ruined, etc…Its not a coincidence that a large % of prison inmates are sociopaths. They need rehabs and programs, because they are damaging people, society, etc… This is a topic that needs to be put up in the ranks on the FBI list. They need to know more about these kinds of people.

3. CarlyQ Says:
   July 12th, 2010 at 10:20

   ChristineE, you are so right. People in power, those who have the authority to DO something, need to be woken up to the dangers of these “people.” Just because they choose to con people (for power, money or sex – that’s really all that seems to make these parasites tick) instead of actually going out and robbing banks doesn’t make them any less dangerous to society as a whole.

   If the sociopath/narcissist “gene” (if there is such a thing) were removed from the human DNA, can you imagine how much better this world would be?!!

4. Magenta Says:
   August 15th, 2010 at 03:58

   I was married to my husband for 23 years and knew nothing, he was so smooth until 2006 when I became terribly ill.

   The man who was a Christian Conservative, Deacon, Teacher at Church and never cussed, suddenly became a raving lunatic. He was mentally and verbally cruel however had he not left I would never have known it.

   Ok, so he ripped myself, the kids and my parents off financially and my parents are also paying for the divorce (and we realize he planned it). I now know that he has been lying to me since 1986.

   Did he plan this from the very beginning? Do they do that? Is he liable to get more dangerous once he is served the Divorce decree?

   Thank you~Magenta

5. Larry Says:
   August 15th, 2010 at 04:19

   Welcome Magenta,

   No matter how many times I read a story such as yours, I will still feel the pain — pain from 20 years ago, as well as 3 weeks ago. The damage that is done, as in destroying someone’s character, can never be undone.

   There’s no way to know what he was planning, but it’s certainly not impossible. Don’t take any chances. You and your kids (and your folks) should never think it can never happen to us. Whatever “it” may be, it certainly won’t be pleasant.

   If you feel physically threatened, then contact your local women’s shelters, the police, the court house, and ask lots of questions. If you feel threatened, then your folks are in the same boat. You may need to get a restraining order, but even with that, don’t take any chances.

   I have no idea what is going on in your husband’s mind, nor do you. These are my opinions. Get more. Protect yourself, your kids, and your folks. Change the locks on your home.

   “Unpredictable” is one word that describes my ex-wife, and you should understand how quickly things can change.

   Be careful.
   Larry

6. Bella Says:
   August 18th, 2010 at 20:59

   Help.

   I spent 5 years almost everyday with my brother’s wife. They just had a baby. I started a business with her, worked my butt off for low pay, even as sales sky rocketed, she convinced me I was getting paid dirt for better of the company. Meanwhile I was away from my kids for 10-12 hour days getting paid dirt for designing and developing the product we sold. I started to feel like I was going crazy but finally felt so taken advantage of after 4 years, I left.

   I just felt in my gut something was very wrong. She seemed obsessed with me, wanted to be my best friend, wanted to know so much about me, wanted to travel with me, etc. I woke up one day feeling as if the floor underneath me was taken. My parents were so upset with her for treating me like garbage and being manipulative. I tired to have a fair separation happen but she felt she owned all of the work and all of the business. My Dad tried to speak and help me get out. This did not happen. I lost everything.

   My Dad also got a long letter describing my character, insulting me, telling them I did not do much or deserve any part of the biz, etc. I can’t forgive this and feel she has shown zero guilt since she wrote this awful letter. Through that time she had a baby and now my parents are forgiving her, sort of, hanging out with her, having her visit for a few days, like nothing happened. They are ignoring the entire event. But I find myself paranoid that she will manipulate and somehow convince them that I am crazy.

   I do get very emotional and upset but she uses anything to have something to hold against me. It is very scary and I fear losing my relationship with my parents because I want to run very very far away from her.

   Please help.

7. Larry Says:
   August 23rd, 2010 at 12:16

   Hello Christine E,

   Welcome! I hope you did OK with your trial. Unfortunately, a sociopath in the courtroom can be truly frightening. It can provide clear evidence as to the power they wield.

   Regarding your comments above, my apologies for being so late in responding. I must disagree with you about the cause(s) of Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD), as being half genetics, and half up-bringing. I state, with the utmost certainty, that it is all genetic, and would never occur from up-bringing only.

   Keep in mind that one of your ex-husband’s parents, at least one, carried the gene, and most likely, suffered from the disorder. And at least one of his grandparents, a parent of his parent that gave him the gene, also was positive for the disorder.

   When you say “up-bringing” you are likely referring to the parent that carried the gene, and so on. You even state that his parents did not parent him well. That’s because they, too — or at least one — was positive with APD.

   I believe my own family provides the evidence to prove it’s caused entirely by the genetic disorder. I was physically and emotionally abused, yet I was the only one in my generation that did not get it.

   Yet, I gave it to my first daughter — hence, I did carry it. I have not been able to find any incident of her mother, or her mother’s family with the bad gene.

   I was the only child that my dad treated differently than the others, the others being essentially spoiled. If it were based on up-bringing due to being spoiled, the population of this planet would have imploded generations ago.

   Also, it does not require both elements to be present to provide a positive diagnosis of APD, how ever the up-bringing element would be defined. What you are saying is that it requires two very different elements — parental up-bringing and a defective gene — before a positive diagnosis can be reached. I believe if that theory were indeed true, this would be a much smaller problem, as it would be based on a percentage of chance.

   I think I rest my case. 

8. Phillip Says:
   September 7th, 2010 at 22:06

   I study and practice eastern philosophy, so I don’t categorize things so much from a genetic or purely physical point of view…… I believe that the level of consciousness affects the genetic structure. If a person lowers their consciousness, then even the cells which have consciousness are affected in an abnormal way. So, first spiritual, then physical.

   I have a mildly sociopathic mother, but she had her good points which didn’t overshadow the destructive aspect. But my mother’s children however are all very good, honest, generous and helpful people. My sister is the only person I’ve ever met who I would classify as a saint..never said a bad word about anyone ever till she died that I’m aware of. I have no idea how she came out of my mother’s womb.

   But I do have to say this…my oldest brother became my mother’s disciple, and although he is basically a good person he played that role to save his own skin. Sad, that someone would choose loyalty to someone doing wrong over loyalty to their small twin brothers. I guess my childhood has given me sociopathdar so I usually sniff them out, and when they sense they are exposed by me, I catch hell. It’s been a life long pattern.

   Before my sister died, she said I’d alway have this problem because I’m bright in that particular way, and she’s been right.

9. Louise Says:
   September 19th, 2010 at 11:50

   I’ve been doing a lot of research on sociopathic behaviour recently, having just had to leave my home due to my sociopathic upstairs neighbour, who I befriended (feel REALLY stupid about that now!). Through this research, I’ve started to wonder if my siblings are sociopathic, and if my mother was.

   I haven’t had anything to do with my brothers for years, although if they want a favour, they still have the audacity to ask, via my father, for me to do whatever it is they need doing. Fine by me, as long as I don’t have to deal with them.

   Recently though, I’ve noticed some FB friends have stopped communicating with me, and funnily enough, they have my brothers on their lists. So even after all these years, and zero communication, I’m wondering if they’re whispering their poisonous lies all over again. Time will tell, I suppose. I mean, why on earth do they need the people I was at school with, people they never even met, on their friends lists in the first place?

   And how did they get in touch? By going through my friends list, and picking out people from it?

   What I find really scary though is the thought that this is hereditary. I want to have children, but just because it skipped me, will they be unaffected too? This has huge implications for anyone it touches. The word evil should be swapped in te dictionary for the word sociopathic. It’s poison.

   Thank you for this site though, interesting reading so far, and it’s opened my eyes even further!

10. Larry Says:
    September 20th, 2010 at 03:49

    Welcome Louise,

    Thank you for your very kind words. Isn’t it amazing how once you understand the characteristics of a sociopath, how easy it is to recognize those characteristic of others in your life, both living and deceased?

    I also want to answer your hereditary question about passing it to your own children — the answer is definitely “yes” you can. I have three kids, the first being from a different mother than the other two. Sarah, my first child, has it much worse than the second two, the second two acquiring it from both parents.

    It surely seems to be the dominant gene.

    Good luck.

11. Human Says:
    October 27th, 2010 at 00:10

    I’m a sociopath, I’ve never hurt anyone. Nobody in my family is like me, I’m so sorry for everybody here.

    I read all of this and wanted you all to know we aren’t all bad.

    Some of us understand what we are and work to fix ourselves.

12. Larry Says:
    October 27th, 2010 at 03:01

    When did you make the realization? Were you clinically diagnosed? If not, what made you come to that conclusion?

    I know that not all sociopaths are bad, I also know that not all sociopaths are aware of their condition and just try to fit in.

    There are sociopaths who are adored, loved by many and likely don’t have a clue. But instead, feel “blessed” in some way.

    Share more of your story, please.

    Thank you.

13. Larry Says:
    October 27th, 2010 at 03:34

    Frankly, you may believe you are a sociopath, but I have serious doubts. Would you please share your gender and age?

    Someone suffering from APD or NPD (i.e., a sociopath) has no typical human emotions. I sense compassion and sorrow in your words, and concern for others. That would practically negate that diagnosis.

    There could only be one other explanation.

14. Human Says:
    October 27th, 2010 at 16:34

    To be honest i will only state that i am a male, i was clinically diagnosed about two years ago.

    I was told it was a mild case, but they still wanted to try to “treat” me. I refused.

    When i say i’m sorry i mean that only in the sense that i recognize that there is pain there.

    Please do elaborate on the other option, they did not tell me i had APD or NPD, they told me that i would develop more.

    I have 18 of the traits on this website.

15. Larry Says:
    October 29th, 2010 at 13:56

    What was your clinical diagnosis? You would have been given a copy of it. You are anonymous, remember.

    What type of professional diagnosed you? You said “they” wanted to treat you, yet there is no treatment.

    You “would develop more” of what?

16. Human Says:
    October 30th, 2010 at 00:04

    treat me, to treat me they would put me through intense therapy.

    My diagnosis was given to me by a relative of mine. He is a neurologist.

    To maintain my secrecy i will not reveal any information, that would compromise my intellectual integrity among my intellectual peers on this website.

    I will request that you refrain from asking questions about me, this particular forum may aid me psychologically, however if my family or friends knew i would be hated.

17. Larry Says:
    November 9th, 2010 at 14:21

    ‘Human’

    Nothing of what you write makes any sense to me. I asked your age for that very reason. You may be vulnerable, you may have other problems, but your comments leave big holes.

    A neurologist is not trained in psychology. His opinion probably carries less weight than mine. Mild case? Would develop more? Treat you with intense therapy? Who? The neurologist?

    I just can’t buy your story. Maybe others can.

18. Michael Says:
    February 26th, 2011 at 23:36

    Hey Larry, the site looks great.

    Haven’t seen my dad nor talked with the family. Just had my B-day, not a single call from any one not even my Mom. Hope you are well my friend. Your always on my mind. Keep moving God’s Kingdom forward.

    Most people they will never understand the pain of being a victum. I do. Love ya and talk with ya soon. I pray for ya every day.

19. Larry Says:
    February 27th, 2011 at 03:34

    Thanks Michael.

    Had my birthday recently, too. No one called me either.

20. Louise Says:
    February 28th, 2011 at 08:33

    Human,

    I’m wondering if you’re being “diagnosed” by someone who wants to cause you damage. The fact that you worry about your friends and family hating you gives quite a lot away. A sociopath wouldn’t worry about being hated – they would be busy manipulating, and conniving, ensuring that everyone was “on their side”.

    My mother tried to convince people that I was schizophrenic. I was a teenager, and eventually went to my doctor, who laughed when I told him. I’d known him for years, and he obviously knew I wasn’t hearing voices, etc, and was aware of all my actions, and NOT doing anything which I was unaware of. (my mum accused me of all sorts of things, and when I’d get upset because I knew I hadn’t done them, she would say you must be a schizophrenic, and you’re doing things in a “blackout”).

    When I told my mother I’d gone to the doc because she’d made me so worried about it, she flew into a rage, and told my family that I was manipulating people against HER, and telling the doctor lies – she had NEVER said such a thing about me! Craziness! Lol!

    But people will use mental illness against you if they have this kind of personality. It doesn’t sound as though you have a proper diagnosis, it sounds as though you might be on the receiving end of some abuse. Visit a real, proper doctor – you can do it in total confidence – and at least you’ll have a starting point.

    Good luck!

21. CarlyQ Says:
    February 28th, 2011 at 12:19

    Louise, I don’t know about Human’s experience, but it seems pretty apparent from what you’ve written your mother is full-blown. (Doesn’t it make you wonder where the heck these people get their textbook moves from?! They are SO predictable that many times I’ve seriously questioned if there really is a Psychopath’s Manual out there).

    Do you practice No Contact with your mother now? If so, how did it go for you? The reason I ask is because I’ve realized my own mother is the root of all evil…ahem, I mean, root of all my problems. I made the decision to go No Contact but it took two years for my heart to heal before I realized how great I felt to be emancipated. I’m in my mid-forties and I just wished I done this twenty years ago. She still tries to get her foot in the door with assorted nasty behaviours but I refuse to play her games anymore and ignore her entirely. It’s driving her nuts.

22. Louise Says:
    February 28th, 2011 at 16:05

    Hi, Carly. My mum died when I was 25. And it just added to the “Saint” persona she had perfected. To this day, people still tell me what a wonderful woman she was, and I’ve learned to just nod and smile (I’m really glad that she was so nice to them, that makes it all ok, sorry, can’t help the sarcasm sometimes! Lol!), because even now she isn’t here anymore, I’d just get called a liar.

    I still remember thinking that surely she would tell the truth about so many things before she died – she couldn’t be cruel enough to leave me here to deal with the lies she had told. But no, she took the truth to the grave and left me here to tolerate what she had created.

    But my brothers are either sociopathic too to a greater or lesser degree, or else they were just conditioned from a young age to treat me as for their use. I just recently allowed my older brother back into my life, I should have known better. I’ve just cut ties with him again.

    I would say that although it hurts (because you still love them, no matter how evil they are to you! Love’s hard to kill), your best bet is to distance yourself if they keep manipulating and trying to control you. In my experience trying to tell the truth through their lies only serves to wind you up, upset you, and ultimately make you ill.

    You can choose your friends. How great is that!?!?! And good friends become like family – in my case the family I wish I had had growing up. It still makes me sad at times, and I am utterly terrified of catching myself doing the things that she did, so I think her ghost will be in my head for the rest of my life. But she no longer has control, and I’m trying really hard to let go of the past.

    And also look at the info on this site – I think it’s a really big help to just be able to understand what makes these people tick. I do try to remind myself that she couldn’t help it. But that also means there’s no remedy other than to get away.

    I hope you’re strong enough to stick to your guns, I know it’s hard being labelled a heartless person just because you’re trying to protect yourself.

23. Larry Says:
    February 28th, 2011 at 22:25

    Carly & Louise,

    Great dialog. Your comments are very appreciated as they provide additional insight to those looking for answers — answers which I alone cannot provide. Without comments such as yours, this site would be very myopic. IMHO.

    Thank you.

24. Debbie Says:
    March 26th, 2011 at 23:20

    Louise. I have a face book account too and there are now settings that can hide your friends list. I have a sociopathic brother and must block him and keep things private because i know what he likes to do. I know this doesn’t help you now if what you suspect is true. But just so you know…

25. Lucy Says:
    May 21st, 2011 at 12:24

    Christine E, sounds like your ex-husband had narcisitic personality disorder, rather than being a sociopath. Narcissists also lack empathy for people, and can be just as dangerous as sociopaths, but they truely believe they are better than everyone and feel threaten and angry when the belief is challenged somehow, or shown not to be true.

    I think sociopaths can accept they are not the best at everything.

26. Larry Says:
    May 21st, 2011 at 20:45

    Lucy,

    Your comment sounds as if you believe it’s an “either-or” proposition: i.e., someone with NPD can’t also be a psychopath (aka, sociopath).

    Narcissism is also a common component of ASPD.

27. Debbie Says:
    May 22nd, 2011 at 12:03

    My neice may get a job as a police dispatcher. So far my Sociopathic brother has moved in with her.

    She doesn’t think her dads insane. Of course he keeps his true self hidden from her because of his parasitic lifestyle. She has way too much to offer. Now he can live in a comfortable apartment instead of the run down travel trailer at the sleaziest trailer park in town. I thought about calling the sheriffs dept and warning them about my brother and the way he has manipulated my niece. I know its not her fault. She is way too trusting.

    I love her and do not want to hurt her. On the other hand my brother may find this as a way to hurt me and my other brother whom he hates and is insanely jealous of since he resides on the property my mother owns. But maybe the sheriffs will see through him. I don’t know. He is a very convincing liar. Since he is such an opportunsist, as we all know sociopaths are.

    He has broken the law the first half of his life, and now he is leaching off the system getting foodstamps, social security disabilty & money free medical from the government etc.

28. Louise Says:
    May 23rd, 2011 at 10:56

    Hi Debbie. I know you want to warn your neice, and do the right thing, but you’re right in that sociopaths are very plausible and charming, and I honestly think you’ll be the one who ends up being painted as vengeful and spiteful. I’ve been there so many times lol! You feel like you’re telling the truth, and surely that will be obvious, but sometimes lies – especially when they’re being told by someone so accomplished in the art – are much more powerful, because they can be adapted by the liar to be more palatable to the listener, and play on what they want to hear.

    The best thing you can do is make up your mind that when the proverbial does eventually hit the fan for your neice, you’ll be there to help her pick up the pieces. People don’t want to see the bad parts of those they care about, and even when you’re the one on the receiving end, it can take a number of years before your figure out how much you’ve been manipulated and deceived.

    Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

29. Larry Says:
    May 24th, 2011 at 19:58

    Debbie,

    Louise said it well. All I want to add is that each time I attempted to warn someone, it was a major failure. Those closest tend to be their most loyal disciples. Proceed with caution.

30. Carla Says:
    June 6th, 2011 at 14:40

    My sociopath had a history of destroying women’s lives. He was very handsome blond, tall, beautiful blue eyes and finely chiseled features. He used his looks as an advantage- to captivate. When we met I wasn’t attracted to him, and only became so when our minds met.

    He had a strangeness to him- that puzzled me, a curious way of looking at life- as if from afar.

    It wasn’t until later I realised this observational way about him was really his inability to feel empathy. He struck a nerve in me that needed to know more. Sometimes I think he would dissect a person and become what he thought they needed- just to reel them in. Then later when his true self emerged- he would flee.

    He did this many times with many different people-only a few really stuck around. Those that did are like me, we saw a broken person who really struggled to be better. Those same people are now the only ones who have helped me with his suicide. His family has all but shoved him under the rug.

    He had many friends in the psychotherapy profession who saw him as a text book case of exteme complex PTSD with sociopathic tendencies. He was studied at WSU teaching hospital. They helped me understand my role in his life, and taught me to protect myself.

    Without this fore-warning and education I would have been yet another casualty. I feel for those less educated in this realm of madness- a sociopath can be the most destuctive human force on Earth.

    We are witnessing that force in our country- in our leaders- in our corporations, and in those around us. Those of us who feel deeply must stick together, and help one another.

31. Larry Says:
    June 6th, 2011 at 15:52

    >> “… a sociopath can be the most destructive human force on Earth. We are witnessing that force in our country- in our leaders- in our corporations, and in those around us.”

    Carla, you certainly have a deep understanding of the disorders. I couldn’t agree with you more.

    Thank you.

32. Danna Says:
    September 11th, 2011 at 22:09

    Carla, that’s fascinating that WSU studied yours. (I’m so sorry that he committed suicide.) So, he was traumatized as child, which resulted in his extreme complex PTSD, and his the necessary coping mechanism of dissociating, solidified into sociopathic tendencies – correct? If so, then it sounds as if he, contrary to Larry’s beliefs, is a more or less “made” sociopath, not a born one.

    How did it come about that he was a study subject at WSU? (Wash. Sate Univ?) Has WSU published the studies? Are other teaching hospitals duplicating this?

    If so, then there’s hope that sociopathy will become more readily recognizable by the next generation of new doctors. It is very important that the general public become educated on the markers and manipulation techniques, so that the supply of new naive targets contracts, which will help others avoid becoming their next victims.

    Thank you, Larry, for contributing to the education process. Carla, I hope you see this and can answer my questions.

    Lastly, yes, it would be very good is those of us who feel deeply….and for others, not just for ourselves, like sociopaths do….could stick together.

33. Larry Says:
    September 28th, 2011 at 21:48

    Danna,

    You’re welcome, and thanks for your thoughts. My writings have been an education process for me, too.

34. Isabel Says:
    September 29th, 2011 at 22:46

    I love this site, it’s very helpful. I am the target of a sociopath and it caused great mental distress, my life for 2 years. But… George Bush is no sociopath. He was lied to as well. He’s very normal and in fact unpolished in some ways. I am positive that this is not remotely true about President George Bush. Let’s keep the politics at home because I see a much more obvious choice for sociopath in power now.

35. Larry Says:
    September 29th, 2011 at 23:18

    Isabel,

    Thank you for the kind words. My greatest reward is that this site helps other people.

    I’m a non-political type person. I do not belong to either party, though I’ve voted for members from both parties. You stated, “He was lied to as well” which infers you accept he also lied.

    The president of the US is the most powerful person on the planet. His second press secretary, who was a staunch Republican and supporter of Bush, resigned because he discovered he was being used as a pawn to pass lies to the American public, as well as the world. Some of his most loyal supporters, people with integrity, have spoken out against him.

    You suggested keeping politics out of this, but then you inferred that Obama is a sociopath. I’ve heard the same accusations, but I haven’t seen it. Other then rhetoric, where do you see it?

36. Maug Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 04:56

    Dear Larry:

    I stumbled on this site while searching for understanding on the damnedable sociopath. I’m a lifelong psychiatric patient. Often times I identify a sociopath amongst my peers when they begin to discuss their symptoms. I’m friendly and gentle hearted toward them but I always admonish them to “concentrate on moral thoughts” during manifestation of symptoms.

    If they disregard what I said in any way, or if they get defensive or act like I insulted them, then I take it as a red flag. I use a similar approach when dealing with non-patients who also share their problems with me. The issue of morality will barely register in the response of an evil person. Even when they’re good at the shuck and jive one of these people will only be able to recite plattitudes by rote and then you’ll have their number without them even knowing it.

    I think that it’s right to get away from that type just as you advise. But you know sometimes, a bad dude or a bad bitch will zero in on you, and thats when I suggest that you fight back. When one of them gets designs on you for no reason they will hold on and not let go until you’ve got them spitting their own teeth. I have seen just enough loved ones die right in front of my eyes that I’m not worried about what a sociopath thinks they can do to me.

    Sometimes when a sociopath says that they’ll kill me, I get mean and say, “Good, I’ll save a seat for you in hell.” They sometimes will consider the possiblity that you too may be a sociopath and that they might be muscling in on a pre-existing franchise.

    I had one lady on my case FOR FIVE YEARS merely because I had refused to kill her mother and her father as she asked me to do. I didn’t snitch on her, but she had the throttle response mentioned elsewhere on this site, and she did a lot of really bad things to me just because I politely declined to become a killer. The police wouldnt help me until I got the feds involved. The murder solicitations were made while she and I worked at the local airport (in front of audio/video security cameras). My local airport is in Kenai Alaska in case anyone wants to verify the truth of at least some of what I’m saying.

    I lucked out here. Everyone who has this problem needs to get some some strong evidence that the sociopath has proposed some sort of killing and dying. In my case I had to depend on the FBI’s willingness to look at the audio-video archives.

    After I started railing at the feds about this, not only did the woman go away to god knows where but the TSA office at my local airport was also shut down (sometimes I wonder if the September 11 attack was just an excuse to give federal jobs to retards).

    I was never told the what and why of these corrective actions, but it doesn’t matter because I got the basic peace that I wanted. I assume the TSA officers knew what this woman was doing and were probably terminated for sitting on their PIG behinds.

    As a psych patient I’ve had similar run ins with sociopaths who would zero in on me in a like-manner as the above example. I am a good kind man, but I come from a very very tough background, and so long as the offender was the same gender as me I have never hesitated to go meet them in the darkness and work them over really well. With female sociopaths I’ve caused certain symptoms attributable to domestic violence but only as a last resort when the police won’t respond to a complaint.

    If you have to fight someone when they are witnesses then try to wrestle them and say nothing whatsoever if possible, so that witnesses can’t say that you provoked the fight. If you do karate, dont to karate shouts. You will be arrested and charged with assault if anyone reports you shouting at or arguing with your opponent.

    Even if you think your a weakling you can get a jagged stick and adopt the sinister contenance of a sociopath and they will get away from you fast. Get alone with one of these people and get really crazy. If a bully is a coward, a sociopath is a chicken-$#!+.

    Let me add, that we should all lay down our lives against evil if necessary. In Space Balls, Rick Moranis said that ‘Evil defeats Good because good is dumb’. But you know, Good actually defeats Evil because evil is like fire that consumes all of its fuel until none is left. Good sustains itself like water which rises into the sky and falls to the earth endlessly every single day. Water can turn stone to dust, while fire hasnt enough lifespan to do anything but eat and die. Another way to put it: “If the devil stands against the devil how shall his house remain standing?”

    Larry, I’m glad that you’re a proponent of peace. I’m glad that you remind me that I’m not at fault when another person harms me. As the human race evolves more people will be like you. I’m certain that goodness is a bright beacon in all of our souls and increasing goodness is our destiny.

37. Steph Says:
    October 7th, 2011 at 11:39

    Larry,

    I am particularly interested in the “it’s all genetic” assertion that you are making. Not even “partly genetics, partly environment.” I am not disagreeing with you. I’m just extremely interested in your conclusion. Because it is not what most people say. I’m not even sure (???) that Robert Hare says that.

    I’m also interested in why this is so important for so many of us to nail. I really want to know the truth about it. I think some of it has to do with forgiving people, and that includes myself, as I am parent of 3 kids, and I sometimes wonder how much of their personalities is my “fault” (bad parenting) or to my credit (good parenting). Maybe very little of it has to do with me, after all, parenting-wise. Maybe it has to do with my genes. OR, something else — but still inborn.

    And I also am hearing more and more stories these days about adopted children who are taken in by extremely loving families, and these kids turn out to be monsters. I’m not saying all of them. But some of them. So, how much does good/parenting have to do with it?

    As well… this type of thinking gets me wondering about the wisdom of having a child with an anonymous sperm or egg donor. I’m wondering what type of research is being done on the personality development of the children thus conceived.

    Thanks for your insights on this topic.

38. Larry Says:
    October 13th, 2011 at 09:12

    @ Maug …

    I’m sure you have good intentions, but I wouldn’t believe that a psychopath could concentrate on moral thoughts. It conjures up the visual of a vampire caught in sunlight.

    “I have seen just enough loved ones die right in front of my eyes that I’m not worried about what a sociopath thinks they can do to me.”

    Are you saying that you are not afraid of dying? Or you’re not afraid of death? To me, there’s a difference. Dying is the transition between life and death. Personally I’m not afraid of death … it’s the transition that can be worrisome.

    You seem to have guts (or a death wish), but deciding to fight back is not a stance to take lightly. The worse place you can end up is in that transition. You seem to say that you’ve been surrounded by many different types of mental patients. Your candor just makes me want to ask if you’ve ever been an in-patient yourself?

    If you wave your fist in someone’s face, that’s called assault. If you then continue and hit them, that’s called assault and battery.

    I appreciate your kind words and thoughts, though I cannot agree with your theory on the evolution of the human race. We are not heading down a path to peace and harmony. People are living longer, so more people are being born than dying. The earth is becoming overcrowded and extremely aggressive.

    Food is being manufactured, not grown. Countries, including the US, are invading other countries to get at their natural resources, under the guise of fighting terrorism.

    We live in a world according to FUD (Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt). That’s exactly where the powers-at-be want to keep us.

    @ Steph …

    I know; I hear the same rhetoric. I don’t believe most people really know, but just repeat what they hear. But please consider that a person does not need to be a psychopath to be maliciously evil, or vice versa.

    And as I look for it, I just realized, Steph, that you brought something to my attention. Scroll up this page, and stop just above the first comment. You’ll arrive at: “Sources: [1]… [2]…”

    Read what [2] says. It’s the bibliography for the brain abnormalities research that I discovered and initially placed on this page. This page became the resting place of many discoveries I found fascinating. Then it became enormous, so one day I extracted the stuff that didn’t fit, until I could find a appropriate place. Hence, it’s back on my to-do list.

    You seem to want to take the blame for how your kids are acting. You may or may not be right. But kids learn much more by example, than by what they are told. How were you as an example? When I became a single parent, I became a good “child” with my kids. I would listen to them more than speak, and they always came first. We were extremely close. In their teens, it was like an overnight change.

    Keep in mind that the “bad gene” usually appears in the mid-to-late teens. Prior to that, the kids can be angels with no signs, whatsoever of the change that may occur.

    I am certainly unqualified to express a decent opinion about conceiving with a donor sperm or egg. Initially, I think it’s risky. The organizations probably do not report to any overseer. Their documents could easily be made to look more polished. Not long ago, I read about studies done with sperm donated by Nobel Laureates, and as they followed the children’s years of progression, they were just average students … the same went for athletes. The outcome is a crapshoot.

39. Steph Says:
    October 13th, 2011 at 10:33

    @Larry…

    My gut tells me that it is far more hereditary than people realize or are willing to accept. I believe what you say (not just your experience, but others’) about its kicking into gear during mid-late adolescence.

    I don’t actually want to take the blame… but I just want the truth. A lot of people want to pin the blame on the parenting. I want to take responsibility for my part in it — no more, no less. That is realistic and based on truth.

    I can accept that we don’t know the truth right now.

    The brain research is fascinating. I am of a mind (I do not have any professional background in this so it is just my experience, observations, my independent research, and thoughtful opinions of people like you) that even if there is a strong correlation in brain structure or whatever to psychopathy/sociopathy/personality disorders… how much of it is immutable, how much is a chicken-egg thing… I don’t think anybody knows this, right now. It is interesting to speculate, and heavens that’s how research happens – -because of curiosity and wanting to find answers. But the more I learn… the less I am convinced that a solid answer may ever be found.

    Or… I consider that in the case of “heredity vs. environment” we may be assuming that “environment” means parenting — when it may mean something else entirely. Such as peer influence, cultural influence, a traumatic experience that had nothing to do with parenting, some kind of poisoning or nutritional imbalance… jeez, I think we just do not know, and cannot assume.

    But, for some reason, this remains important to me to know. It may ease my mind, to know that I did everything I *could* have done, if my kids turn out to be sociopaths *anyway.* I haven’t gotten that far with them yet, though. I still have much hope that they will be OK. Hope is all that it is, though. Not confidence. Just hope.

    Which brings me to my next burning question: what does it mean to “love” a sociopath? If the sociopath is incapable of love (and that certainly seems to be true and not just a guess), what does it mean to “unconditionally love” a sociopath, as a fellow human being, as one’s child, one’s spouse, etc.

    I can say right now — I no longer love my ex-husband. But I did. All that ever was between us, I know now, was unidirectional. Is that love? Or is that irrational on my part (to have loved someone incapable of love — during the time that I was fooled and misled by him)?

    How about if the sociopath turns out to be my child? What form does or should my “unconditional” love take? This is my current philosophical struggle…

    What should society’s response be towards the sociopaths in our midst? Do we (spiritually speaking) unconditionally love and forgive them (for their utter, lacking incapability of human, reciprocal love — not their fault?) — and then… if so… how do we respond, and still be loving people?

    (Disclaimer: I’m not implying that I am that spiritually evolved. Just that I am grappling with these questions)

40. Danna Says:
    October 18th, 2011 at 11:31

    Larry, have you read the work of Dr. Gabor Mate, Canadian medical doctor, of Jewish descent – his parents were Hungarian survivors of the Holocaust. (I believe.)

    His studies maintain that the biochemical environment in utero is extremely important to the eventual brain biochemistry and physiology of the new human. If the pregnant mother is subjected to traumas, and therefore her body creates poisonous cortisols and other stress hormones, then the fetus will be negatively affected, and even addicted to the stress hormones with which (s)he was assaulted and battered in utero.

    In this way, one could say that a stress hormone addicted human is born (the words commonly used for genetic roots), however, in reality, this already damaged human was born damaged by environmental factors.

    So, it’s impossible to unfurl one from the other (genetic vs environmental).

    In addition, there’s Dr. James Fallon, the UC Irvine neuroscientist, who’s studied the brains of psychopaths for the past 20 years. he discovered that he, himself, has the brain of a psychopath…and yet, he is not one. He is a loving husband and father, who contributes well to his field and our tax base.

    He attributes the fact that he has not manifested the behaviors of a psychopath (even though his brain activity, or lack of brain activity in the pre-frontal cortex, right behind the occipital bones says he should be manifesting psycho or sociopathic behavior) to the fact that he grew up in a loving intact family.

    I am simply adding to the discussion here.

    In terms of protecting oneself from the deep, deep harm a sociopath inflicts on another human, whom they’ve fooled, it is a best first protocol to view them as if they will never change, and they were just born that way. That way, the empath is less likely to hold out false hope, which turns into malignant hope, and then, keeps the empath enmired in the web of the sociopath.

41. Daughter In Law Says:
    November 2nd, 2011 at 15:46

    Interesting discussion about genetics vs. environment. The field of epigenetics seems to indicate that genetics and environment cannot be separated. That is where the explanation to this phenomenon will be found eventually, IMO.

    Which inherited genes are expressed in any given child could be the result of not only the environment during fetal development in the womb, but the environmental factors experienced by that child’s parents and grandparents and so on, back through time.

    Inherited genes are one thing, but environment could determine which of those genes is activated, before the child is born.

    This is not reassuring to me.

42. Daughter In Law Says:
    November 2nd, 2011 at 15:52

    Here’s a book I found helpful: Just Like His Father, by Liane Leedom, MD.

    Many things are beyond my control. I can control the kind of parent I choose to be.

43. Larry Says:
    November 2nd, 2011 at 16:04

    @ Danna …

    I have not read Dr. Mate’s book. I like your last paragraph, but it seems to present an ideal situation. Most people are so conned by psychopaths (I being one of them) that by the time they discover it, the damage can be virtually undoable. The information you present, though, is interesting.

    @ Daughter in Law …

    What you can be assured of is that most of this is theory, and there are many theories circulating. Do the best you can, and take one day at a time.

44. Danna Says:
    November 2nd, 2011 at 16:35

    @ Daughter In Law and Larry:

    I do not mean to be flip about the pain we’ve endured and the fear for our children’s futures, but there is a spiritual aspect to both healing from the harm inflicted by the perp, and to protecting our children from fully manifesting the negatives of their genetic makeup.

    God can heal this….while at the same time, our children are independent agents with their own free will.

    (Btw, I love and respect Gandhi, the Dalai Lama, the Jewish faith, was a Buddhist before I met Jesus, and came from an atheist home. My parents, still atheists, walk a more Godly walk than many Christians I know. In other words, I do not judge others for their faiths or lack thereof….just saying what’s working for me.)

45. Larry Says:
    November 2nd, 2011 at 17:54

    @ Danna …

    I did not sense anything flippant about what you said. I like your comment “My parents, still atheists, walk a more Godly walk than many Christians I know” — ain’t that the truth.

    I know some church-goers who belong entirely for social reasons, as it’s politically correct. I digress, but would this country ever elect a non-Christian as president, let alone an atheist. Rhetorical question.

46. karen Says:
    November 18th, 2011 at 08:26

    While your website appears to be about sociopaths within the family, it’s become clear to me that sociopaths are running our country at every level. They are human predators and we are their prey.

47. Larry Says:
    November 18th, 2011 at 09:01

    You are exactly correct, Karen.

    Consider this: psychopaths need people to be blind followers to help them achieve their narcissistic goals. Psychopaths will attack a person’s character without a second thought. Psychopaths think they are better than most everyone else.

    Sound anything like a politician?

48. Steph Says:
    November 18th, 2011 at 09:44

    To grow up with narcissistic parents meant (to me) to grow up with my identity denied. To not be a separate person, but an extension of them. If I did “good” it reflected well on them. If I made errors, I was an “embarrassment” or “disappointment.” But I don’t think my parents crossed a line into sociopathy. Who knows. Where do you you draw that line? It comes in so many flavors and degrees.

    But psychopath/sociopath would be my ex-husband. I guess I was groomed or trained from birth to mold myself to the narcissist or sociopath and not realize that wasn’t healthy. At the same time — yes, I think many of us have had this experience? — I would have characterized myself as a strong person, with a backbone, able to stand up for myself. (a paradox)

    People liked me. Sure, why wouldn’t they? I could mold myself into anything they wanted — I didn’t know I was doing this, of course. I was just trying to be a good person, as I was trained to be, and to be pleasing and pleasant and cooperative and good attitude and all that. I mean everything: attractive, interesting, charming, generous! They all liked that.

    But while the narcissists trained me not to have an identity apart from their carefully designed/assigned role for me, the sociopath led me (eventually) to doubt my own very existence. Whenever I veered away from his script for me, I was completely ignored as though I didn’t exist. Over time, “I” became smaller and smaller, until I was very close to self-annihilating. To keep the peace, you see. There were grave consequences (violence), as well, for being anything other than what/who he expected. You think that movie “Sleeping With the Enemy” is too fantastical to be believed? Think again. I found it realistic.

    I think I am lucky that I actually AM a strong person. I got away. That is no small feat. I am learning who I am, though who I might have been is… well, causing me some grief. You see, I’m not young anymore, and it feels like those years were stolen from me. I’m not done grieving yet.

    This will take time. I still have children to raise. So, I have to keep a tight grip on reality and gutting through the pain. It’s incredibly lonely. Thank goodness for forums like this, so I know I’m not alone. I have no one I know, personally — friends or relatives OR therapist, who remotely gets this.

    I have “disappointed” and “embarrassed” them. I am not such a pleasing person anymore. And my reputation has been smeared in the community by my lying ex. How does one get over that?

    It is so painful to have been lied to, in every way that it is possible to lie to a person. By one’s spouse, especially. (?)

    People are impatient with me. Or they want me to return to who I “was.” And I certainly can’t do that!

    And triggers are everywhere: I hear a wife complain about her husband, or a coach abuses a young boy and tries to cover up, or people react in shocked horror and start pointing fingers at everyone who “knew and could have done something but didn’t…” — you know, a kind of “off with their heads!” response, and I shake my head and think, my God, no one really knows what this is like, unless they have lived it. Up close and personal. Not that I wish that on anyone.

    I hope to emerge stronger and more loving — maybe then I will say that this experience is worth it, be more wise, peaceful, and evolve to a place where I experience quiet acceptance and loving-kindness. With eyes wide open. Need to push through this. Not there yet.

49. Maug Says:
    November 20th, 2011 at 06:30

    I’m sad that Stephs parent were so hard hearted and I’m joyful that Dannas parents were goodly. Yet both of you along with myself are so intent on figuring this out. My elders and other relatives seem to include an equal mixture or crooks and do-gooders. I am baffled that my kin tend to be definitively one or the other. I take great comfort in associating exclusively with the good ones. Life isn’t meant to be lead in a persistant state of shame and regret.

    Steph you are doing a very noble thing by dividing your children from the harmful influences. A sociopath doesnt care that it’s all fun and games until they cause an innocent child to become a raving lunatic.

    Larry, yeah I have done a small amount of inpatient institutionalization. My main malfunction is that I saw some killing and dying when I was a youngster. Limited access to food and shelter exaserbated my response and I was pressed into therapy by public school officials. I found benefit in many types of therapy and have stayed with it all of my life.

    I’m afraid to die, but sometimes in a book or a movie, a nobody like myself finds himself with the choice to throw away his life on behalf of the weak and innocent and I find myself dwelling on the meaning of that choice. I wonder over and over again if it’s any use to die for the weak and innocent. Is it possible that they deserve to die because of their own poor judgement, or is that conclusion irrelevant to whatever transcendental outcome lies in the decision to be the one who dies? To me that issue is the most fascinating element to be found in literature.

    I surely admit that I have walked away from innocent people because their poor judgement bordered on the self destructive, ie; the abused spouse who will get angry at you or I if we paste the abuser to the ground. So my sense of self preservation keeps me from going ‘there’.

    I wonder, am I a coward to let some of that evil to slide on by or am I wise to save myself to serve a greater good? Its very very difficult to tell.

    Of course giving, and sharing, and healing are THE greater good. But is there a greater good in preventative or militant action? I ask anyone on this site how they themselves might make this sort of decision.

    Like you know, sometimes when we try to rise above the line, how often to we inadvertantly cause or allow suffering in a way which is simply too close for comfort?

    A sociopath or an evil doer must be the ultimate sort of fool. They must realize that the’re going to end up in a bad place. It’s basic logic that destructive behaviour creates a cloud of pure entropy which clings to the perpetrator often times for the remainder of their life. I think evil folks are the most afraid of death and they ultimately live a long life of coping with the bizarre consequences of the things they’ve done.

    I realized this when I worked for a time caring for elderly people.

    If a sociopath is so smart, why do they fail to predict the outcome of what they’re doing? A cop friend of mine was once complaining about bad cops, and said that bad cops always get caught, although not before they hurt a great many people. And then the bad cop gets sent to a place where apsolutely everybody hates him. My friend was baffled that a bad cop would dare to take the risk.

50. Dan Says:
    December 7th, 2011 at 02:38

    Excellent insight! I too was married to a narcissistic sociopath, and have worked with 4 of them, (2 were female) and I have a sister (same name as your sister!) who is a class A sociopath. Thank you for your insight, it has been very helpful. I recognized most of victim traits in myself.

    How can I change to protect myself?

51. Kelsi Says:
    December 14th, 2011 at 22:24

    There is a long history of mental disorders on my mothers side: bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, a boatload of extreme Obsessive Compulsives, and, of course, the ever formidable sociopathy. My mother has moderate bipolar disorder and extreme social anxiety, the latter rubbing off on me, and it is something I struggle with every day, but it’s also something that I know I have the strength to overcome.

    I’ve diagnosed sociopathy in two of my aunts, and I suspect my grandfather to have had it as well- He died long before I was born, but from the stories my mother recounts of his narcissism, and lack of remorse or attachment to his children, he definitely fits the bill. My uncle is in an asylum. My mother doesn’t talk about him, but I have uncovered from some sleuthing and from a document I found while snooping around that he is in prison for murdering my other uncle, and his wife’s brother.

    I have no clue about his mental state, but I can only guess it is not a stable one. Unlike my anxiety, sociopathy isn’t something you can be treated for. It is unavoidable and unconquerable. Sociopaths don’t believe there’s anything wrong. They’re right. They’re always right.

    It has always been my biggest fear, that one of these dormant traits will suddenly become active in me. I know many people begin exhibiting personality disorders in their mid to late teens, and I’ve even witnessed this transformation in a couple of my peers.

    Due to this, something I’ve worried about ever since I’ve been able to notice characteristics of personality disorders in my family, is the possibility that I have inherited them as well but they have just not yet showed themselves.

    What if tomorrow my personality begins to change drastically? What if I morph into a paranoid schizophrenic and go absolutely bonkers?? What if I suddenly cease to feel human emotions such as love or guilt?

    I treasure my sanity and humanity more than anything else in the world, and I’m so frightened to lose it. It’s a fate I fear worse than death.

    My brother, who is seventeen years my senior and by my account a well adjusted and lovely individual, is the only one I feel i can connect with in my family, other than my father and his family, who live far away. He’s the only one who can assure me that I’m not crazy.

    I’m seventeen now. I believe I’m probably not going to suddenly turn evil- I have faith that I am a generally good person.

    But I fear I’ll never stop worrying. That one day..

    Does anyone else here share these same fears?

52. Louise Says:
    December 15th, 2011 at 13:07

    Hi Kelsi.

    I’d say the very fact that you’re concerned about being a good person is a contra-indication of narcissism or a sociopathic disorder. If you were narcissistic, you basically wouldn’t care Lol!

    I think having concerns about our own mental health is normal, especially if we’ve been on the receiving end of behaviour from people with sociopathic tendencies. Your family history seems a difficult one from a mental health point of view, so that will bring it to the forefront of your mind as well, it’s only natural, I suppose.

    Don’t you think being so aware of it makes you check your own behaviour, to make sure you definitely aren’t doing anything undesirable? I constantly check myself, so I suppose you can get a little bit paranoid about it.

    I know that they say traits start to show in teenage years in most cases, but your post makes you sound connected emotionally to others at the moment, so try to just live and enjoy your life. I’m not too sure about this developmental part of it, Larry will have more insight, I’m sure. The suspected sociopaths in my life were my mother and brothers, so I wasn’t around when her traits would have developed, and was too busy going through my own teen angst to notice my brothers, obviously Lol!

    Try not to worry, Kelsi, about something that probably won’t happen. There are enough things in the world to worry about when they actually do occur. Enjoy your life, you’re only 17!!! Work on your anxiety issues, build up some confidence, and go out there and kick your heels up!

    You’re only young once

53. Tomas Says:
    December 21st, 2011 at 08:13

    I had my name changed.

    I will never be part of a family that supports and promotes Sociopathic Behaviour.

    My father didn’t raise me that way.

54. Lee Says:
    December 31st, 2011 at 08:10

    Hi Larry

    I have been living with my partner, a sociopath, for 16 years. I discovered what she was in the first few weeks of our relationship. I confronted her and told her to leave. She simply refused to go.

    What I didn’t know (and I feel so completely stupid), was that she was already in the process of perpetrating the character assassination that ended my life.

    When I met her, I had a lot of friends. I was not a perfect person, I encountered personal issues with folks from time to time (in retrospect, mostly the psychologically unwell). But I was basically a cheery, positive person with a bright future in front of me. In the early days, my partner called me a “Happiness Nazi” because I thought it was better to aim for a happy life and give people the benefit of a doubt. I am truly a nice person. She has since told me that it is the fact that I am an honestly nice person and that I am really who I present myself to be that really pissed her off.

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t suffer fools and I have an amasingly accurate BS radar. I lived youthful life with scary parents and learned. I became acutely aware of peoples’ behaviors and realised that the outside world was actually a much better place. I digress…

    My (then) profession is one that is so small that I cannot mention it here. Everyone in that community of professionals knows or knows of one another. I had worked hard for years to garner respect and connections and was truly well thought of. I was getting hired and was about to join a world class group of individuals. I was on the precipice of true success in my field.

    As you said, once you realise what is going on with the character assassinating sociopath, it is too late.

    She was, and is, the gregarious, friendly, beautiful woman persona at all the parties. But in private, she was, and at times still uses, the “save me, I’m drowning” victim persona. Once that doesn’t work, she goes into a murderous rage that would frighten a Kung Fu master.

    Although I knew I was having great difficulties with her personally and wanted her away from me within 12 weeks of our meeting (I didn’t know about the rages quite yet), I had no idea she was also destroying my character.

    In retrospect (because that’s what we have, isn’t it?) The first thing that happened was that my friends abandoned me about 6 weeks after I met her. 4 of my closest friends dumped me in one week. I thought they just couldn’t deal with our relationship. Other friends I had had for years dropped me within 3 weeks of meeting her. But within weeks, I started hearing lies she would say to people. She is so bold, that she would just say them right in front of me. There was nothing I could do. Denying them just made me look all the more guilty and letting them pass and laugh didn’t help either. She is smooth and quick. Did I mention beautiful? As we know, pretty girls are almost always sided with in any differing of opinion. (And the rest of the time, as well)

    In under a year, I was on the road of no return in regard to my career. It is so bad, that no one would even tell me why or what I had done.

    Once I accepted that I was in a hopeless and helpless situation, I had become terribly ill. It took 10 years to finally diagnose me and I was dying at that point. During those years, I had no support because I had no friends. I was alone all the time except when she would come home. She did no chores and if I wanted food, clean clothes, or utilities, it was up to me to make them happen. I could not work, because NO ONE WOULD HIRE ME. Then, after a few years, my illness made work a moot point anyway.

    I was finally diagnosed, went into physical therapy and have more or less come out the other end. I am still sick but I manage better every day and physically, could actually participate in my profession.

    But I can’t.

    I have been so black balled that people refuse to even look at me and to this day, no one will tell me what it is I have supposedly done.

    I have lost 16 years. The important, friend building, career building, wage earning years of my life. In my profession, age matters. I have lost my career. I have lost everything.

    I stay because I am not able to hold down a “regular” job, nor am I trained to do any other kind of work. I have no friends or family. I need the medical insurance, as well.

    So now she has her prisoner; her personal kick dog. All I can hope for now is to be able to live alone and I haven’t figured out how to do that yet.

55. Anoninato Says:
    January 10th, 2012 at 10:47

    My sister-in-law is exactly like Kathy, and my girlfriend is her victim.

    We suspected something was fundamentally wrong (even evil) about her behavior and the way she can turn the whole family against my girlfriend, the only one who opposes her manipulation.

    Reading this has been enlightening, and has helped me understand how cautious we must be. I’ve already told my girlfriend everything I’ve read here and, while she’s kinda depressed about having to keep distance, she understands now that she’s never been the “black sheep” and that other people are going thru the same problems.

    Thank you, and wish you well.

56. Larry Says:
    January 10th, 2012 at 12:51

    Anoninato,

    Thank you and I wish the best to you and your girlfriend.

57. Erol Says:
    January 20th, 2012 at 19:01

    Hi Larry & The Gang ….

    Firstly, I’d like to Say to Larry, I KNOW The Same Position You’ve Lamented, ie Where You’re outcast “unjustly,” which can lead to P.T.S.D. & self-doubt “etc” …. However, “CONGRATULATIONS” On Your Strength of Mind & Character, for “Overcoming” what the “uninitiated” haven’t a “clue” about & For “Still Producing” !!!!

    I was Targeted by a Very Rare Individual, Whom I’ve “Exposed” on My “off-shore” Server, (which gets past Identity-Rights laws ….)

    To cut a Loooong story short, I’ve Studied Sociology & Psychopathology in Person for Years & as-with All My Thinking I formed All-My-Own Theories without Studying texts ….

    After meeting a “Malignant” Sociopath, ie A Megalomaniacal Psychopath, (AKA a Malignant “Narcissistic” Psychopath) I Found Myself “Unifying” All My Previous Theories, when I came face to face with a “Female” serial-killer …. LUCKY ME !!!!

    She kills through “relentless & ruthless” attempts at “ambient-abuse,” abuse by proxy, emotional-black-mail, death-threats “etc” & as I was to Discover, (“AFTER” Exposing Her & Her Cronies,) by perverting the course of Justice ….

    I’d “Followed” The Teachings of Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa & Gandhi & I ASSURE You I Tried Everything, from a Safe Distance, to get through to Her …. However, She’s a 44 Year old with the Emotional age of a 3 Year old & the alloplastic-defences to go with it ….

    She derives sadistic, (ie Infantile) Narcissistic “pleasure” from Unspeakable-cruelty & “imagines” Herself to be “clever” by Lying-Pathologically ….

    She’s “addicted” to Her-Own Neuro-Chemistry & Adrenaline rushes & is “Psychotic” …. ie Her lies allow Her to program Her “bitter” Mind for the kill (ie “rush”) …. Her Brain doesn’t Eat Sugar across the Entire Front of Her Brain, due to a dysfunctional “uncinate fasciculus,” so She doesn’t Actually Exist in “Reality” !!!!

    She’s Lead Me to Believe that 6 Men have committed “suicide” because of Her causing Them P.T.S.D. & for Those Who won’t Her Sister has then “shot” several of Them …. LUCKY ME !!!!

    They’re a gruesome twosome & on-line Their aliases are interchangeable, so They double-team You …. The elder Sister smashed the Younger 1′s Forehead off the floor repeatedly until She Said She Genuinely Thought She was going to die …. ie The Final “ingredient” to Make a “psychotic” serial killer …. (She has the Exact same Physical Construct of Brain as the mass-murderers She admires ….)

    I Saw-Through Her & Stood-Up to Her & Genuinely Cared about Her, as I harrowingly Saw in Her what She “Would” have been had She not been born with what She called a “broken brain” & had She not suffered on-top of That …. However, She Informed Me that Her EVERY Action was A Deliberately Selfish & ENORMOUSLY premeditated “Choice” !!!!

    I Knew It was The LAST time I’d EVER Do So, so From My Safe-Distance, I MADE “Positive” Progress with Her Thinking, as regards Her “negative” Life-Choices …. After 6 Months of Reaching-Out to Her & Her’s, I Had to put the Plight of Their next would-be victim “First” ….

    They “THEN” had Me arrested & I’ve to appear in Court for the TERRIBLE CRIME of “Typing The TRUTH on Facebook” (ie Slander & breach of Confidence) 4 Months BEFORE They went to the Police & 1 Month AFTER I’d Done So …. However, They lied “fearlessly” & pathologically to The Police & were “Female” …. Whereas A Month Earlier I was HONEST & Being Male I was Told & I Quote, “We’ll wait until She kills Someone ‘Then’ We’ll arrest Her ….” :-

    I’m A Philanthropist “&” I’ve been A Fearless Under-Cover Sociologist for 20 Years now, ie The Predators’ Predator, I DON’T ADVISE Doing ANYTHING like What I’ve Done, as “Kindness” or “playing-possum” with a Predator puts Your Life at risk ….

    Moreover, Jesus (Communist Philosopher & Lumberjack, to Me) Said in Mark 6 :- “Shake the dust from your feet, as you leave, as a testimony against Them & abandoned those people to their ‘fate.’”

    P.S. Thank You Larry, Your Community Is 1st Class & Is A Beacon For Those Who’re Wandering Through a foggy Wilderness in a Daze …. You’re A Life-Saver !!!!

    Kind Regards,
    Erol

58. Gayelynn Says:
    January 24th, 2012 at 18:27

    I was raised by narcissists and then did what they all say…married my father.

    I didn’t realize it for the whole 25 years until I hit the dating scene and found that they were all I attracted. (3 to be exact and very short lived, thankfully.)
    My 4th and longest was with a sociopath that I met online. TEXT book (now that it’s been a year) but RED FLAGS throughout starting from the very beginning.

    What scares me the most is how trusting a person I am and believe in seeing the best even if it’s hard to see.

    LONG story short~By month 3, he borrowed $2,200, a few weeks later, $500 (came home with a camcorder worth $300) and that was just the beginning. He paid me back $1,200 so I KNEW he was honest but we fought on a continual basis. (Fought~no~he RAN which is not a fight IMO!) 56 years old….I should have KNOWN something was seriously wrong!!!

    I waited for 6 weeks to cash the check and he blew up that I didn’t “warn him” which started another “run.”

    Did all I could to search for that diamond in his rough but it just got me looking insane (which is exactly what he intended) was rushed to the ER with one of my inSANE bouts which cost me $7,200 and was also pulled over for an OWI (I do not do drugs and have been alcohol free for 18 years) so I MUST be inSANE….RIGHT….WRONG!!!

    7 months into the 12, he borrowed another $2,400.

    I PROMised everyone, including ME, that MY bank was CLOSED which made him pull further and further from me and I kept up the chasing. After all, it’s better to be with SOMEone than NOT, so I thought.

    The day before X-Mas….he filled my gas tank (rightly so as he used my car for 4 days) but it only took CC’s so he was going to “pay me back.” I went shopping in his town (which is 45 minutes from mine which I used to travel 3, 4 sometimes 5 times a WEEK) when he called and said he was short $90.00 and to meet him in town so he could cover the check and pay me back as soon as we got back to his shop.

    Need to add that while shopping, I BEGGED him to buy all 3 of his kids this “everyone~must~have” throw as all he bought them were some very adolescent gifts and to be “allowed” to buy them, I said I’d pay for half. (Well….we were going on 3 weeks with no “run” so things were GREAT!!??)
    Had a nice X-Mas Eve and the WORST altercation I’ve ever had with anyone in my entire life on X-Mas Day.

    He still owes me close to $4,000 but I got that camera, and a boombox that must be worth a LOT to HIM…took back all the clothes I purchased for him (before I found out he was a hoarder and had more clothes than I do which is LOTS!!!) took back the X-Mas gift I got him and have his old cell phone.

    You’d THINK I left him from the way he never said thank you, please or you’re welcome, you’d THINK I left him because of the way he never appreciated me, you’d think I would have WALKED because…..but NO….I didn’t WALK until he used my computer and went on a social networking site that he OOPS…forgot to log out of…and there he was…Mr. always RIGHT with 1046 “friends” and only 5 were of the male gender.
    I whittled his friend’s list down to 80 and dog ugly 80!!

    I warned his top 5 contacts and then I ran off the sheet and went to his town to drop off the flyers to all of his friends that I KNEW liked me BUT….me being me….I went to WARN him first.
    Now, I’m not saying that this wasn’t stupid (I am 5′ 4″ and 100 pounds SOAKING wet) abut he scrambled like a rabid RAT and I loved every single second.

    I caught him so off guard and then when he left his shop (he’s supposedly a mechanic/car repair man but I have yet to understand why anyone would come to someone who finds changing the oil a real pain in the butt!, owes the IRS thousands and even has had his workers permit pulled for about 6 months now but that’s a whole story in and of itself) he yelled, “Go ahead…blow the place up!!” I swea, he must have REALLY thought that I was as crazy as he was trying to make me out to be!

    SO….I left before he had the chance to call the cops and say I was trespassing and went to the nearest bar where his best friend is the owner.

    As soon as I got there, his friend walked out the door and I asked if he knew I was coming and handed him a flyer.

    At the VERY instant, here comes my SP around the corner (which thinking back, he had done MANY MANY times prior…????) and his friend handed him the flyer and he crumpled it up. We went into the bar, I tried to discuss the matter more but all he said was that by doing what I did, I ruined MANY people’s lives that he was helping through their rough times such as depression, cancer…whatever….never taking MY feelings into account which was nothing new. ANYway, I met him Jan. 22nd of 2011 and hoping now that I made it through the 22nd of 2012, I can start making it through a better and wiser person after the most tumultuous year of my life.

59. Maug Says:
    January 28th, 2012 at 20:54

    Larry and Friends-

    Recently on Coast to Coast AM, a guest who was a conspiracy theorist claimed that if you are too much of a rebel, the ‘establishment’ will try to set you up with a mate -usually of the opposite gender- in order to tame you.

    Oddly enough, there have been many times when I have turned down an advance from a woman I’ve afterwards been approached by several authority figures who declared that I was passing up a great opportunity. Often times they’re quite outraged with me and conclude their gripe with something like “So what, are you too good for her?”

    Nothing makes them angrier than when I say “Relationships simply eat up too much of my time.” Then I have to stand by and absorb accusations of misogyny or homosexuality, both of which are untrue.

    I can’t say that these women were steered my direction as the conspiracy theorist suggested. But what I’ve experienced points to a widespread desire for people to control one another. Internally, I take the consumption of my time by the needs of a mate to be an example of control.

    All of us have elders and/or bosses who want us to live our lives the way that they live theirs, even if it goes against our mores. For example, my entire family going back for decades consists of divorcees, one of many reasons that I dont wanna’ be sexually active (So as not to repeat their mistakes). Yet all of them think that there’s something wrong with my bachelorhood. This phenomena has at times erupted into outright belligerence on many levels and the whole matter is alien to my line of thinking. It has also happened outside of my family relations.

    With such examples of widespread controlism that may or may not be sociopathic, I’m compelled to reiterate that we should fight such people. Not physicly if possible, but in whatever way we can to retain our individual sovereignty. As you can guess I have no children or spouse, so by fighting I wouldn’t compromise any of that.

    Sometimes I engage in volunteer work or participate in group/cognative therapy and I meet people who are ]very unattractive or suffer from mental deficiencies who will likely never be loved by the opposite gender. I can’t see how my superiors get angry with me for favoring these folks over the good looking women who I have met.

    I mean, seriously, it’s not a mysterious toss up for me. On a good day I can serve food or lend some sort of hand to dozens of very helpless people. On the converse, I can struggle dayly to earn the money to pay off a thousand dollar engagement ring just so one woman will agree to come home and rearrange my life.

    Most of the dissafected people who I know are dissafected because someone did it to them. One friend of mine has a bullet hole in his head and his disability is such that he can’t relate to women in an attractive way. And the worst part is that the shooter got away with it on a technicality. The shooter is still out there working up just enough rage to perhaps shoot another person, and he may even be getting some nookie while my disabled friend basicly gets nothing. Another person on Coast to Coast AM once mentioned that “we dont have a criminal justice system but rather we have a criminal sucess system.”

    I’m no saint of course. I’m one tough dude, and sometimes my own mindset is a little primative. I’m compelled by the words of Jesus who said “we will be like angels and none will be married nor will any be given in mairrage.” This makes me think that if I curb my libido right now I might get a taste of the various things that will transpire whenever I become like an angel.

    I want people who maybe don’t have any domestic liablities to go ahead and throw down against the baddies. Stop them from hurting people so that we’ll have beautiful communities and a beautiful world. Let us be companions with millions of other people who haven’t been scarred by cruelty because we stopped it from happening.

    Also, no one needs to fight fire with fire and thereby create more destruction, but fight fire with water. Bad people get a thrill from their own injury and hardship, so look for ways to stick it to them in another fashion.

60. Danna Says:
    January 30th, 2012 at 02:58

    Gayelynn: Yet another who’s been harmed by these Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hydes. I’m sorry.

    I like what Maug says here:

    “I want people who maybe don’t have any domestic liablities to go ahead and throw down against the baddies. Stop them from hurting people so that we’ll have beautiful communities and a beautiful world. Let us be companions with millions of other people who haven’t been scarred by cruelty because we stopped it from happening.”

    Wow. Wouldn’t that be something. Would truly help to arrest the cycles of dysfunction from being passed down. Would also be the opposite of Einstein’s citing of the worst evil. He said (paraphrasing): “The worst evil is not the evil doer. It’s those who enable him to do it.”

    I also like Maug’s thoughts here:

    “Also, no one needs to fight fire with fire and thereby create more destruction, but fight fire with water. Bad people get a thrill from their own injury and hardship, so look for ways to stick it to them in another fashion.”

    So true. The pleasure centers in their brains actually light up when they’re being cruel to others. The way to fight them is to spread awareness of their markers and their manipulation methods, so that others can recognize them sooner, instead of later, and then better avoid becoming enmeshed and harmed by them.

    Further, spreading awareness about the resultant markers of their targets’ (victims’) behavior, like Gayelynn’s need to tell her story. Targets have been so very deeply invalidated by them, (and invalidated by others, who’ve bought the socio/psychopath’s lies about their targets, thereby aiding and abetting the evil and chaos wrecked by the socio/psychopath, which means, per Einstein, they are even more evil), that targets sometimes feel the need to tell the other (true) side of the story far and wide, to try to correct the lies spread by the socio/psychopath.

    Unfortunately, our world, due to deep ignorance, views this telling the true story (which would have been unnecessary, if the socio/psychopath hadn’t been the initial domino by spreading lies first), as impolite, or even “crazy.”

    I find it crazy, in itself, when correcting lies with truth is viewed as crazy….but that is our world – very unjust. Like Maug cites, “we have a criminal success system.”

    Disgusting. And tragic. Judges and lawyers should be personally liable for enabling wrong (perjury and violating court orders) to go without consequences. If they were, then the bad guys would be held accountable at a greater rate.

    (This is akin to Warren Buffet’s solution for the budget deficit. he said (paraphrasing), “I’d have the deficit problem cleared up in 5 days: Make those passing legislation personally liable for budget overruns, and it would clear up overnight.”)

61. Laurie Says:
    February 14th, 2012 at 19:18

    I have come to see psychopaths as not lacking ALL emotions. But, lacking the positive emotions. My psychopath ex husband enjoyed anger, rage, loathing and envy as his apparent emotional repertoire. But, happiness, love, and empathy seem non existent in him. He truly is evil incarnate.

    But, can certainly act any part he wishes to play…usually by mirroring the person he is talking to. When he does this, I am still fooled. I have to remind myself that I feel like he is a “kindred soul” because he is mirroring me and what I am seeing is myself. Not who I know him to be. It’s tricky any way you look at them.

62. Bob Says:
    February 16th, 2012 at 19:23

    I met, fell in love with, and married a sociopath. I was previously married to a wonderful woman for many years (widower), so I knew what being married to a normal human being was like, within a certain reasonable range.

    She went from an incredibly good person, to an incredibly evil person, in a matter of weeks, once we were married. I realized there was something terribly wrong with her. I discovered that she was stealing money, stealing all sorts of possessions, and trying to open credit cards in my name, and trying to mortgage my house. I confronted her, and she actually denied everything, even when there was incontrovertible evidence to the contrary.

    A family member pointed out to me that her behavior was sociopathic. After just a few months, I had to file for a divorce, to protect both my property and my sanity.

    That was when the real craziness began. This person had a well-rehearsed book of mind-games she used on her victims, something which I learned about from her previous boyfriends, who were tracked down and interviewed by my attorney.

    My attorney moved a professional witness (male) into the house to observe and document her craziness, and I became extremely well-read, where sociopathy and dealing with a sociopath was concerned.

    I filed police reports relentlessly, for every infraction, with photos and detailed written statements from my professional witness.

    She struck me, so I had her arrested, and she wound up in jail for a couple weeks, as she could not make bail. By the time she got out, I had already filed an order of protection against her, so as soon as she showed up at the house, she had violated the Order, I had called 911, and she was back in jail, on a brand new charge.

    My study of sociopathy and sociopathic behavior permitted me to actually act like a dangerous and violent sociopath. If sociopaths can act like humans, then it stands to reason that humans can act like sociopaths.

    I managed to get a complete copy of her criminal background record, my attorney hired private detectives. She had an extensive criminal background, and I had never been arrested, so when we went before the judge for the divorce, everything went my way. I have to say, I hired the best attorney possible. My wife, on the other hand, could not afford to hire an attorney, either for the divorce, or for the criminal domestic abuse charge against her.

    I still have a plenary order of protection against her in force, and plan to upgrade the Order to criminal stalking if she contacts me after the current one year order of protection expires.

    She is, I believe, unemployed and unemployable, and the ‘word’ on her act is out on the street now. All of the men she screwed over eventually got together. She will probably have to move out of the State, to find new victims.

    I never broke a single law, aggressively defending myself against this monster, but I really was able to take what I learned about sociopathic behaviour, and use it to mimic a real sociopath. I started by borrowing her own rotten tricks against her, and eventually I pulled some truly heartless, cruel and despicable tricks on both her and her ‘familiars’… you know, the Vampire’s little Helpers.

    I have a notebook documenting everything from day one, all the court appearances, arrests, orders of protection, and even detailed plans and fallback plans, to make her life even more hellish, should I even think that she’s considering running another game on me.

    I was never a ruthless person before she screwed me around. I do not particularly like being a ruthless person. But now, thanks to this miserable hate-filled monster, I am more ruthless than she will ever be capable of imagining.

    If she’s lucky, she will steer clear of me for the rest of her days.

63. Bob Says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 16:13

    In addition to waging offensive war against the sociopath, I also conduct defensive measures, as well. I have security cameras both inside my home and outside. They are motion sensitive, and employ night vision technology. Movement is captured, and still images of whatever motion activated the camera are sent both to my home computer, and also, to a remote, password protected server, in another State. The images are time-stamped.

    I also have voice activated mini-recorders inside the house. They only cost a few bucks at on-line stores, and run on batteries… about the size of a ballpoint pen.

    An naturally, I have a regular noisy burglar alarm.

    For a few hundred dollars in equipment, I am able to deter all but the most dedicated and professional break-in attempt.

    Most sociopaths have a serious aversion to being caught, arrested, prosecuted, sentenced, and incarcerated.

    Time-stamped photos and voice recordings are admissible evidence in most jurisdictions.

    Technology is inexpensive, as compared to other alternatives… like sitting around waiting weeks, month or years for the monster to return, and, rob, destroy, commit arson, etc., and no proof, who committed the crime.

64. Danna Says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 18:52

    Laurie – It’s uncanny how each one of us has been married to evil incarnate. Why is it that they’re all so similar to each other? They seem to be cut from identical cloth.

    Bob – Yes, there is a ripple effect. The poison they introduce into the system permeates and affects so many. You are lucky you were the man, had financial means to combat yours, and you had no shared children.

    When the sociopath is the husband and there’s shared children, the nonsociopathic mother always makes her children first priority.

    This eats up the time pie, leaves her depleted (the children almost always act ourt negatively as one of the down-line dominoes affected by that which the sociopath initiates, and she is the one who cares enough to help her children, thus depleting her), and therefore, she has less energy and money (can’t be earning money if you’re parenting most the time), and therefore, she has less ability to combat the sociopath in court.

    I’ve never heard of a professional witness before. Interesting concept not in CA, to my knowledge.

    Maybe you could take your new found knowledge and help female survivors while they’re in court battles. Female normals are definitely at a disadvantage these days.

    Lastly, we all know that one of the most pervasive markers of sociopathy is the pathogical lying, which often takes the form of (falsely) accusing the victim of the very behavior that the sociopath actually enacts. (They project at a truly pathological level…except it’s not subconscious – their projecting their own behavior onto others is willful gaslighting.)

    In other words, I hope you’re telling the truth.

65. Nancy Says:
    February 24th, 2012 at 16:59

    What do you do if you’ve been targeted for character assassination by a sociopath and they see you on the street prompting them to approach you in a scary way? (This happened before and I used imaginative means to prevent the situation, but it won’t work again.) We don’t want to fuel their drive to destroy, so what’s the best way to handle it if they harass in-person? Thanks.

66. Nancy Says:
    February 24th, 2012 at 17:08

    One more question: Do most sociopaths eventually lose their ability to keep their persona intact or do most live their entire lives without being caught? I’m hoping for the former, of course, but wonder if that’s rare.

67. Rose Says:
    March 4th, 2012 at 22:13

    i live with a sociopath, my brother. he has my parents believing he is the good one even though he does horrible things. He has hit my boyfriend as well has hit me for no reason, set me up by putting alcohol under my bed, and lies and blames things on me on a regular basis.

    when i try to tell my parents that there son has a problem i become the one who gets in trouble. one day he will treat me like total crap and the next day he acts like things never happened. He whispers hurtful things about me under his breath and when i say something i get in trouble. He is never punished for any of his problems. We use to be close and then he turned on me.

    I don’t know what to do because until my parents see it or until he gets help i have to suffer. I never have any fights or problems with anyone, the only problems come when he makes me look bad for things he has done. im sick of it and my parents feed into his manipulative behavior. Even when they know he is lying they dont confront him. He has even stolen money from me.

68. Joanna Says:
    March 10th, 2012 at 21:24

    okay, now we all know what we’re dealing with! What next~? How can we get these sub~humans into mainstream focus so that everyone is aware of them. If we had media awareness surely everyone would be better equipped to recognise these creatures? Then I would probably be able to prove to the court that my psychopathic daughter should NOT have control of an innocent 10 year old girl who is even now being controlled!!

69. wakeupcall Says:
    March 16th, 2012 at 12:39

    My little brother AND my daughter’s father AND my daughter’s grandpa are all sociopaths. My daughter’s father and his own father began stalking me, damaging my property, total crazy harassment and the police can’t help much. I was scared to death of them by the time we went to court for the custody of my daughter. The ad litem in our case knew he was a sociopath and she advised me to read up on it and learn how to deal with the behavioral issues. THE GOLDEN TICKET: Know they are never going to change, they are mentall ill, and BINGO: Be nice! Do not let them suspect that whatever they are doing to you or your child, etc., even bothers you. They will try and try to push your buttons but you cannot let them know you are affected. Eventually, (likely a few month)they get bored with you…they can’t toy with your emotions so they go away. Even if you know they are trying to set you up, don’t broadcast it, this is how they try to make you look crazy…and in the end, you may seem crazy.

    Do not allow them to cause drama. They lie, cheat, steal, whatever means necessary, don’t be so shocked and DO NOT allow them to have any emotional control over you. Always do the nicest thing possible, which does not mean enabling them, but means: don’t let them change the good person you are. I recently learned that my little brother is also a sociopath. He respects me because he knows that I know how he is and that no matter what he say, I don’t believe it. He can’t mess with me, but I always remind him that I love him. It saddens me that my brother will probably spend much of his life in criminal activity or jail, but I cannot stop this, and even more importantly, neither can he. I don’t take it personally. He’s just messed up and his brain isn’t as developed as most people’s. I really feel for all of you. It took me years to come full circle. I’ll give you an example of how I handle my ex: My daughet tells me her dad was questioning her about my personal life, etc. and said he hates me.

    My response to her: He was probably just upset or bored and it’s no big deal. Don’t worry about it. If it really bothers you, maybe you can talk to your counselor about it.

    If you contact the ex saying, “Why did you do that? You need to leave her alone.”
    He will keep it going and the kiddo gets hurt even worse. Do not let your child talk badly about them, direct her to her therapist.
    Trust me, here.

70. Jordan Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 00:23

    Oh gawd… It’s hard to write now that I know I’m in hell. First of all, this last week, has been the strangest and most bazaar of my life. While I know God exsist, I now have serious conflict after what I read late one night while researching anyway possible to protect my children from her. It’s hard, but I know, if I can make it through (appt, for toxicoligy tests tomorrow) assuming I can live through it… it was her bringing up my life insurance last Friday that made me panic.. Uh, what life insurance??? Need to hang in there for the kids…

71. Jon Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 07:43

    Jordan,

    i know where you coming from. just this last Christmas, my wife was asking me in the parking lot of church, “what happens when you die?” i said, “well, i hope i go to heavan” she said, “no, i mean about the house and the life insurance and stuff?” it was an “uh oh” moment for me.

    then in february, she was looking on the internet trying to find places in our city to go worship satan. i had a bad case of larengytis and i guess she wanted some “outside” help to conncect it to throat cancer. pretty scary stuff

72. Larry Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 07:53

    Oh gawd is right. I just scrolled up this page and realized how far behind I am at replying to many of the comments. I read each one thoroughly before posting it, so at least know I’m getting your messages, and I owe some back. Trying not to lose my home has been a major distraction in my life recently.

73. Steph Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 08:02

    Wow. How are you two protecting yourself/kids? Are you saying, Jordan, you think she is poisoning you/kids? And Jon, don’t know how you feel about this, but if she is doing or thinking of doing black magic against you, you could consider looking into some protective magic for yourself. (some people think that’s too “out there” for them; however, your words “pretty scary stuff” lead me to believe you might be open to it). That is just to say, if it is too dangerous to LEAVE at the moment, there might be some interim protective things you can do. If you want to find this kind of help, you will.

    You are in very scary positions. Better get your wills in order and document things. Know the inheritance laws in your state, consult an attorney knowledgeable in these matters to be sure your children are taken care of. Do not be paralyzed by fear (though that is a natural response). For example, perhaps any life insurance you have can be in trust for the benefit of the children. (BTW, the “life insurance conversation” between husband and wife is NOT necessarily a red flag that there is anything wrong — but in the context of OTHER red flags, then yes, I would take it as a warning). I know you must be frightened of anything happening to you, who will protect your children. I have had a similar situation, though my children are (thank goodness) almost grown.

    And hang in there, Larry…

74. Larry Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 08:27

    Thanks Steph.

75. Bob Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 09:34

    To Danna – Comment 64, from Bob, comments 62 and 63

    I have to smile at your suggestion that I am a sociopath, gas-lighting as a ‘Normal’ No, I’m just a regular person who fell for a sociopath’s act, but who figured out an unusual way of driving the sociopath away.

    My order of protection expired earlier this month, so I was prepared to deal with a possible re-appearance of my ex, but she has so far left me alone. Yay! However, she did actually as her most recent boyfriend/victim to burglarize my home. I found out, because when he refused to do it, she filed for an order of protection against him, alleging the exact same things (physical abuse and death threats) that she alleged against me.

    Because the fellow did not have the financial resources that I have, he was unable to defend against the charges, and would up in jail. When he got out of jail, he tracked me down, and together we went to the police and filed a report. While the police are not going to actively search for her, if we find out where she is currently staying, we can notify the police, and they can arrest her for making a false filing… when one files for an order of protection, one must swear that they are telling the truth, and it is a crime to swear falsely… perjury.

    My divorce became final on May 31, 2012, and since then, my live has been peaceful.

    I sincerely hope never to see or hear about my ex ever again. I can’t actually hate her, because if she is a genuine sociopath, which I believe to be a fact, she probably just got dealt a bad genetic card at birth.

    But knowing what she is, and what life was like for the very brief time we were together, the best words to describe my feelings about her are the words that the judge issued in my order of protection against her: “no contact by any means”.

76. Danna Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 11:08

    Hi Bob.

    I know, it’s a circular problem, isn’t it? Trust….but verify.

    I’m amazed you were (or are going to be) able to get the authorities to hold your ex accountable for perjury. My ex (and his 4 lawyers) perjured themselves over a dozen times in family law court (he even lied on his I&E statements, as proved by a forensic accountant), and nothing happened to him.

    As is textbook, (per Sandra Brown’s “Women Who Love Psychopaths”), these ex-husbands and fathers (of beautiful children) would rather pay their lawyers hundreds of thousands of dollars, than get current on an equivalent amount of back child support, all because they hate their ex-wives more than they love their children.

    Problem is, they’re so adept at garnering new cult members for themselves (Larry calls them disciples), they become emboldened from all the support, whereas, a woman who tries to right wrongs, is viewed as impolite. No one wants to help.

    Like I said, you’re lucky you have no shared children with yours.

    And I salute you for taking the time and effort to expose the truth. It’s women like your ex who ruin it for women who’ve actually been abused, but then no one believes them.

    And so, like all liars, they create a long-lasting harm bigger than they, in their self-centered and small perspectives, can imagine.

    Really, really bad karma they create for themselves.

    Oh – May 31, 2012 hasn’t occurred yet. Was that a typo?

77. Bob Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 13:18

    Yes as to the typo… should have read 2011.

    As to the the perjury charge, I did have a witness, ready to swear in court, and as mentioned previously, an excellent attorney.

    Also, while I do not work in Law Enforcement, I do work ‘for’ Law Enforcement, and in order to retain my job, and my security clearance, I have to undergo an annual background check, and vetting.

    I suspect that my immaculate background check, as compared to my ex-wife’s extensive criminal background, which I was unaware of (she lied to me and I trusted her, as newlyweds sometimes foolishly do) until my annual BG check threw up red flags on her… probably gave me a significant ‘credibility edge’, in the eyes of the Court.

    You’re right about Karma… what goes around does come back around to greet us.

    A few of my friends and family member tried to warn me about her, but I wanted to believe her SO MUCH.

    Never Again.

78. Bob Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 13:32

    Another brief comment, I am not sure perjury is the correct term… thing is, she lied to a Judge of the Circuit Court under oath, in order to get an Order of Protection. I’m not sure how such a complaint would be handled, legally, but my attorney explained to me Judges get REALLY ANGRY, when people lie to them under oath.

    The police report has to be filed first, to get it into the record, then everything else follows, as the Court determines. My attorney told me to not do anything actively, except that if I learned where she was residing, to let him know, so that she could be arrested, served, and officially charged.

    Again, I am fortunate, in that I can afford to have my attorney show up with me in court. I suspect that many, or most people who cannot pay an attorney, do not receive justice, and sadly, fall through the cracks in the System.

79. Jon Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 19:20

    Steph,

    im am a devout Christian so I believe that I have all the resources that I need at the moment against any “evil’ that may be conjoured up against me. the problem that I see is that the kind of people that would join her at one of these saten shindigs would be the same kind of people who have lengthy felony records, in between drug deals or robberies or home invasions … just trouble looking for trouble. i can see it now, it would start out like “if someone could just help me make my husband dissapear … ”

    the wife ran away 2 months ago, she has violated dui probation for the 2nd time and a warrant is out on her. i suspect she went back where she came from half way across the country, so i can at least take a breath and figure my next move.

80. Jordan Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 20:06

    Hey Lar, I’m really sorry to hear about your house. Wish I could help….

    Sorry all, didn’t mean to leave this hanging. With the events that took place over the last 7 days, it’s taken a toll on me. I barely slept, only time I could catch a few hours were when my kids were with me. Even then it was only comforting to have them near me. Funny, before I stumbled upon Larry’s website I had wracked my brain trying to make sense of my life with her. Even then when I read what Larry had to share, I was concerned,, but it wasn’t until I stumbled across an article on another website (DailyStrength.com) which I suspect some of my fellow victims know of that I not only removed any question of my situation, but took it to a whole new level.

    The article, “How Psychopaths Manipulate and Decieve” here’s the direct link: dailystrength.org/groups/victims-of-psychopaths-sociopaths/news/view/2067932 not only confirmed my suspiscions but scared the living hell out of me. Not to mention feeling even more helpless and alone. Afterall, as most of us know, if we are at the point where we are researching to gain understanding of that which defy’s logic, and thinking that we are the ones who are crazy, not them but nothing makes sense. It’s too late. While the only comforting thing may come from it is understanding we are not crazy, and not bad, but then, so what when all you are left with is yourself.

    My apologies. I am very concerned on the poisoning thing. Myself, not my children. You see, I believe there is a strong reason to believe it’s been happening over a long period. I can’t give details for obvious reasons but I had been needing to look further into it but really didn’t think she was that cunning to really pull something like that off. Actually, I always saw her as not very bright. I must say, now knowing what I know, I am extremely impressed. Oh, also, as we all know, when you tell a friend or family member so and so is a “psychopath” it really doesn’t register with most people. However, I talked it over with a friend who knows both of us. I had forgotten that he had extensive study, and experience with criminal psychology.

    When I ran it by him after family members kindly agreed but said, “yah, so what?”, I got a response unlike any other. Then again, at the end of the day. What can you do but try to document and maintain a paper trail. Right now? Yes, went in to see my doctor. Of course, can’t talk about “her”. At this point, need to just focus on my health. I asked to see if it was possible if any recent poisoning could be involved.. Also, focus on all other stuff. See my therapist this week. And try and take it day by day. That’s all I can do. I do know one thing. If I live through this, I found a new calling in life and that is to help people like us. I admire Larry, and grateful for his website. I also appreciate all of everybody’s concern and kind words… makes me feel a little less alone. Thanks.

81. Jon Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 20:53

    Nancy Says:
    February 24th, 2012 at 17:08

    One more question: Do most sociopaths eventually lose their ability to keep their persona intact or do most live their entire lives without being caught? I’m hoping for the former, of course, but wonder if that’s rare.
    **********************************************
    its been documented that some can keep up the act for years. with my wife, she can only hold the act up for about 6 weeks and then something happens. she starts getting weird and bored and looking for trouble.

    my only expericence with a spath is with my wife. 2 and 1/2 years ago, i didnt know what a spath was until she walked back into my life. i had heard people call other people a psychopath or sociopath, but i always thought it was usually just name calling similar to calling someone a jerk.

    when my wife would do odd things, i would get this odd feeling that i just couldnt put my finger on, it didnt make sense and i kept googling things about it till i ran across the clinical definition of a spath, then my blood ran cold. you wont know what a spath is until you’ve been targeted. it really gets fun when you try to tell someone about it, might as well tell them you see ghost at the foot of your bed or you were abducted by aliens, you get the same response. they get quiet, look at their watch and exclaim that its time to go.

    just as we are recomended to have no contact with a spath, they also use the no conctact method. when they finally contact you and start waving the fantasy dream about, you are supposed to be so glad they are safe you fall back into the whole thing over again.

    last time the wife ran away, she called back up and threatened to commit suicide twice and i caved in. i know that truley, they will not commit suicide, they love themselves too much, and they would miss out on a lot of drinking, drugs and galavanting.

    I really believe one must set boundarys for themselves and not cross them at the cost of mental heath, peace and personal safety.

82. Jordan Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 21:40

    Oh, one more thing, actually two….

    I cannot emphasize enough that this last week has not only been a learning experience, but one of growth and an exercise in control mentally, and physically. It also gave me a new perspective on whats really important to me. Too bad it’s not over, or is it ever really over? Yah, I know it’s never really over. But, I have comfort knowing my limits now. I’m actually smiling this moment thinking that I’m not capable of “their” evil, and that’s pretty cool. At least for now, I’m hanging my hat on that,, maybe buys me a few hours sleep.

    Also, I cannot forget that this isn’t just about me. My poor kids see me suffering. Of course I was able to hide it initially, but it didn’t take long before it wasnt possible. The last remaining “true believers” in me besides my kids, its taken a toll on them too. I forget that. Then when I snap out of it, and realize it all… I realize I’m forgettng those who are suffering too,,, Iv’e been such an ass, I’m very ashamed of myself. Can’t let her prove her point. It’s moments like this where I wonder, maybe she is right? Huh, and I thought I was smart. Geez. Gotta keep focus, just not that easy when it’s already got you weakened. Oh yes indeed, much more to learn here. Just absolutely amazing that it’s had me so messed up, I think there is a great deal more self discovery and understanding ahead. I mean in a good way, not with her,,, me! Funny, I had a talk with my son about all whats going on. I expressed concern over him hearing or seeing things that may give him doubt about me. Afterall, she made it clear he was a threat to her so I know she will be working on him. He’s a few years from his teens and it’s extremely important to me that I do everything I can to make sure his head is screwed on tight before he gets there. That is understanding the importance of character, honesty, compassion,, of course you see what I’m getting at, right? He’s been really blowing me away in the last few months expressing things related but he came into my office the other night to check in on me and I asked him why I worry so much about him. Lets just say he confirmed it. I asked him, if there was anything about me that he has learned the most, what would that be? Straight out,,, “the importance of character, and what it means, and why”. Holy crap! It’s that alone, which will help me sleep better tonight. So, I guess he is watching, and maybe I’m not as bad as she has made me out to be. I had to share that, as you guys know how heavy it can be. Anyway, thanks again for all your kind comments and concern. Appreciate it very much.

83. Larry Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 01:25

    Jon,

    “I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.” –unknown

    I was raised a devout Catholic and attended Catholic schools. I was raised to see all the hypocrisy in the church. Don’t let others think for you. Your beliefs are your own and I am not one to convince you to believe my agenda, and you should not blindly believe in anyone else’s. Make sure you believe in yourself first and foremost. God gave you a brain, as He did all of us. Take in everything you can, make sense of it, then live your life.

    Psychopaths want to fit into society, with the nice home, white picket fence, and attend a church to fit in with their neighbors, just like my dad.

    Some years ago, I met a woman who met a very spiritual man on a Christian Singles web site. To make a long story short, in less than a year, she lost everything, including her home, and had to declare bankruptcy. There are no safe havens. God will tell you that.

84. Larry Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 02:05

    Jordan,

    Not to worry. This life is hell, and the evil is so incomprehensible even to those of us right in the middle of it.

    One day at a time.

85. Larry Says:
    April 24th, 2012 at 02:22

    Jon,

    “One more question: Do most sociopaths eventually lose their ability to keep their persona intact or do most live their entire lives without being caught? I’m hoping for the former, of course, but wonder if that’s rare.” – Nancy

    In my experience, they not only keep their persona alive their entire life, but they become more skilled at it as time goes on.

    That’s why when you become a victim, you should move as far away as possible, and always watch your back. The attacks against me have gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I live on the opposite side of the country from my sister, so out of sight, out of mind. My ex-wife, though, moved in right down the street from me about eight years ago. Luckily, I very rarely see her.

    But just the other day, for the first time ever, I ran into her husband, the step-father of my kids. It was at the pharmacy, so I was being helped at the window where they put up a wall on either side for privacy.

    He walked up just outside of seeing me.. When I turned, he saw me about five seconds before I saw him. I stepped away from the window and slowly looked up and just stared into his eyes, which were bugging out quite a bit. I could see the terror in his eyes. I just locked on for a while then calmly walked away. He and my ex were made for each other.

86. Mindy Says:
    June 10th, 2012 at 00:26

    I fairly recently became friends with this girl (about 6 months ago) at first she seemed very sweet and polite, almost to a ridiculous degree. However, my view on her has since drastically changed and I am wondering as to whether she is a sociopath or not. Here are my reasons

    -she was extremely charming at first, a trait of sociopaths I have often read about. She was constantly flattering me and building me up in front of people, but all of her compliments seemed fake. Then, after building me up, she would insult me in some way, but then laugh it off like it was some joke between us. I am reluctant to meet new people with her present because she is constantly making these derogatory remarks about me , but then laughing them off.

    -she is wonderful at presenting herself (this kind of goes under the charming part). I am in awe of how she is able to put forth the exact image she wants of herself. She is always the always the “mature” and “responsible” one, yet she is anything but. She comes off as witty and smart as well, yet there seems something insincere about most things she does.

    -she also lies very often. I generally do not notice lies, as I am not very observant and am usually the last person to tell if someone is a liar, but I have already caught her in a few which leads me to believe there are more. Also when she was caught she didn’t even seem thrown by it.

    –She tells me to go places saying that she “really needs me” even if they are very trivial events. She tells me “I would do anything for you! Why can’t you do this for me?” The other day she also told me I am “Never there when she needs me” Even though I consistantly make more efforts to be places for her than any other of my friends. She then went on to say that her other friend was her favorite instead of me because of this.

    -She frequently tries to get people to pity her. One instance of this was in one of her events she “really needed me at”. Despite the fact that my family really needed me that weekend for some personal things, I begged my mom for me to go because I didn’t want to let her down (even though it was a very trivial thing) she finally agreed. However, my friend canceled at the last minute because I was “stressing her out” since I couldn’t do the exact time she wanted. I find out later that she went around telling our friends that I “ditched her” despite the fact that I made every effort to go. When I called her out on it she just kind of laughed and walked away

    -She places blame on other people. One time she basically told me to plan her a surprise party (I had briefly offered months ago and forgotten, then she asked if I was going to and I said yes.) In order to make sure everything was acceptable for her I asked her if there was anyone she particularly wanted invited and anyone she didnt want invited. She said anyone who was on her facebook friends list was fine. I then told her that we couldnt find anywhere else to host it so could we please host it at her house. She said fine and gave me her moms number to coordinate with. A few days later I come in to the library and find her freaking out to people how I invited people she didnt want there and it was going to be at her house which she had explicitly told me not to do. Despite the fact that I had cleared both these things with her, so it was clearly her fault, she somehow twisted it so I felt so guilty I apologized to her and everyone else agreed with her, Only now looking back do I realize how ridiculous that was

    -She always has to be above other people. At first I thought it was kind of a joke between us, that she would kind of keep me in line and organized. But soon it turned into her being like “she couldn’t survive without me” and “I take care of her”. I am a perfectly capable person, yet by her I am portrayed as some helpless child

    -she is also very promiscous. She has sex with people she does not know that well and is very comfortable with sexual things.

    -She is very irresponsable. She tries to present herself as very responsible and motherly, however she is rarely reliable and frequently takes advantage of people

    -I am also wondering if it could run in the family considering her mom has told her that she cheated on every man besides her father (This is not a lie, i was actually in the car for part of a conversation about this)

87. Mindy Says:
    June 10th, 2012 at 00:28

    So, I know many signs are pointing towards the conclusion she is a sociopath, however I find it very hard it very hard to believe she is completely devoid of emotion. She seems very close with her younger sister and has had many relationships. She even cried to me about one of them one times and tells me she is in love with the people she dates.

    Do you think there could be any other causes for this behavior besides having no emotion? Also I’m not sure I agree with the whole “there is nothing to be done for sociopaths” thing. Do you think there is anyway, if she is one, I could try and teach her to have a conscience or behave normally? thank you!

88. Larry Says:
    June 10th, 2012 at 11:23

    Mindy,

    You certainly sound as if you are dealing with a psychopath. The emotion they show is all part of their persona — it’s an act.

    It has been proven that the brain abnormalities of psychopathy are present at birth. They believe they are better than a typical human. They don’t want to give that up.

89. Jon Says:
    June 10th, 2012 at 20:34

    Mindy, another clue with spaths, when you catch them in a lie, their explanation just does not add up, no way no how. you will walk away scratching your head more confused.

    you friend seems to be implementing character assassination, although in bits and pieces. if she ever makes you out to be her main enemy, you will understand fully what a spath is all about, please step lightly.

    spaths take a good thing and mess it up. you can count on it, whether its a job, relationship, probation, they will mess it up. if they ever do accomplish anything well, its because they have a disciple doing it for them and they are taking the credit.

    spaths job hop quite a bit, they get into a job and try to go to the top in a few months and mess everything up. they have a sense of grandour, so the top of any corporate structure is where they think they belong.

    so far the clinical and nonclinical evidence points that there is nothing to do to cure these people. they love being monsters, why would they want to change? think of it this way, you cant train a shark or a rattlesnake to be a pet.

90. Rebecca Says:
    June 28th, 2012 at 15:59

    Hello everyone!

    Wow, you are a varied and informed group. I am not much different than you. I do a LOT of reading, studying, and thinking on this subject. My current project: I want (as in NEED) to understand why judges will put their careers on the line to make outrageous rulings on behalf of the rotten (sociopathic) parent. In my experience I haven’t known one sociopath to put their career on the line for another (especially an unfamiliar) sociopath. So, I have to ask myself, are these judges also sociopaths who just enjoy the risk? Or could these judges be something else entirely?

    Yes, I understand the concept of ‘disciples’ and ‘enablers.’ But those people typically are weaker. These designations really don’t describe why people IN POWER would risk their careers to side with the sociopathic parent over the good parent. Yes, I understand that the socios are impressive liars—but in these cases the good parent has documentation of just how rotten the sociopathic parent really is. And that documentation is ignored while the good parent is punished—sometimes the judge rules so bizarrely that even a slow appellate court would see it. That’s a LOT of risk to take for a stranger, isn’t it?

    So, we have sociopaths; we have disciples or enablers;….now what are the judges and parenting coordinators and other powerful professional who take ridiculous career risks to protect the sociopaths? Are they guardians of some type?

    Or is it something unique about US (those that see the truth of what is going on)….maybe even something about the interactions between US and sociopaths? Is there something about US that results in judges (and other professionals) becoming so outraged that they will risk anything to stomp us back down to our ‘rightful’ place (to reduce our power or status, if our will)?

    I would appreciate your thoughts. I want to figure out why those of us who ‘SEE’ sociopaths keep losing in court and other situations.

    Rebecca

91. Rebecca Says:
    June 28th, 2012 at 16:26

    I wanted to add to those who have asked on here, ‘How do you get rid of a sociopath?’

    Well, many good examples of ‘how’ have been given on this site. Their is a lot of wisdom on this site that I wish I had had five years ago. What I distill it all down to in my experience is this: The only way to truly get a sociopath out of your life is to make THEM want YOU out of their lives.

    My husband was told by 3 different attorneys that he would never be able to get his sociopathic ex out of his life due to having a disabled son. We were told we legally HAD to give her our phone number (which she would call 30 times an hour). She began even trying to computer stalk my 11 year old son! She was on a character assassination mission, even faxing personal and humiliating letters to my husband’s work, pasting them on the front door of his old house, writing to family members! I won’t go on further other than to say that legally, she was stalking us.

    So, hard or not, I decided to make HER leave US. We made a list of everything she valued and enjoyed (example: she wanted the children to love her and hate him, she loved to spend money, she needed recognition and status, she was counting on her married doctor lover to leave his wife for her, she wanted my husband’s family to choose HER, etc.) I used this to make a list of what she feared (example: she needed to maintain control of the grown kids; she feared her lover would leave her; she feared that people would find out her secrets; she feared she would lose control of my husband; she feared losing her job, except not enough to stop drinking). I worked my way down that list. (Example: I lucked into getting the grown daughter to move across the country with the boyfriend, where she is better off; I let that boyfriend’s parents see some police reports on my husband’s ex; I call the married lover’s wife to expose the affair; after a few weeks I then called his workplace to report that he was sleeping with the ex who was his patient;) I did a lot more than this, but in essence I created so many fires that my husband’s sociopathic ex was kept very busy. Her lover dumped her. Her daughter was away and living her own dreams. She was losing control. In the end, she moved her drunk, drug-addicted self across the country to live with her mother! Oh, she has done some jail time and been arrested 3 times for drunk driving since then….and each time I call her parole officer to make sure he is aware of her long legal history. (Only because I am truly worried that she is going to kill someone someday.) I returned a creditor’s call a couple of years back and told him where to find her car to repossess it! She got another one somehow, of course.

    But, she left US. Yes, my husband did have to sever contact with his family (who sadly, were part of the problem), but that was his decision. And now we are no longer being stalked!

    Anyway, that is the only way I have ever won—getting the sociopath to cut ties with us.

    Rebecca

92. Danna Says:
    June 28th, 2012 at 17:08

    Wow back to you, Rebecca.

    Excellent thoughts and insight.

    I’d be interested in the books / resources you’ve read….and doubly interested in whatever responses come in, to your questions.

93. Larry Says:
    June 28th, 2012 at 18:53

    Rebecca,

    You are certainly on top of things — you must have had a lot of time invested. I’d like to try something like that on my sister, but she’s squeaky-clean legally, and is a true master at manipulation with many followers.

    I recently got my only aunt to begin speaking with me again, and in just one phone call with my sister, my aunt hung up on me. I feel my own option, after years of trying, is let go of all of them. Out of sight, out of mind.

    I’m going to give your ideas some though and see if I can gain from them. I’m already on the opposite side of the country from all of them except my ex-wife, but she live just down the street. For all the places she could have chosen to live, 10 houses down from me is where she chose.

94. Danna Says:
    June 29th, 2012 at 01:04

    Rebecca,

    Your second post was not visible, when I posted my comment to you.

    ?s:
    1. Is this ex of his, his first wife and the mother of his children?

    2. How long were they married?

    3. What is the timeline between when your husband left his ex and married you?

    Fyi, even Heather Locklear is in and out of rehab now – the lag time effect of a broken heart (among some other things).

    That said, it behooves all mothers to behave as rationally and reasonably as possible….and, having an affair with a married man, is Rielle Hunteresque. Quite destructive.

95. Janis Says:
    July 10th, 2012 at 02:23

    THANK YOU!
    I have had my whole life DERAILED by a female sociopath (who pulled me to move away from ALL my friends & home to move out of state.) She was SO convincing, that I went against my GUT feelings.
    SO…I moved..as she told me CA. would perish in an earthquake soon, and I would have deep regrets on my deathbed.
    She seemed so sweet..but now I see…TOO sweet & PUSHY.

    Well..fast-forward…she RUINED my life & still is at it 15 yrs. later.
    I dropped out of art college to move..and it ruined my career.
    She does Black Magick too..which I NEVER even knew about.
    She tried to get me (a poet & artist) imprisoned, after 12 yrs. of paying to live on her “PROPERTY.”
    She is & has always has been a very rich “HEIRESS.”

    SHE DESTROYED MY LIFE, MY reputation in “A SMALL TOWN”.. so PLEASE BEWARE of these dark souls!!!!
    They will be “sweet” yet kinda weird. (I tried to ignore it.)
    And I a am not “gay”..but have nothing against them.
    SHE HAS RUINED MY WHOLE LIFE!!!
    Beware of anyone who PUSHES you t5o DO something…she pushed me to drop out of art college.
    SHE got me to MOVE out of state!!!
    She had LIED about me to “neighbors” BEFORE I even got here!
    They didn’t “know” me…yet wouldn’t even wave to me, let alone say “hello.”
    It was so UNKNOWN to me…and my LIFE has been ruined.
    PLEASE…don’t let yours be.
    THESE “People” are really out there.
    They BLEND in.
    They usually tell you they’ve been “abused..or whatever YOU have been through.”
    They PUSH you to do something that will ISOLATE from your friends.
    And if you find new friends, they drive then away. (Mine delighted in horrifying me,,she killed my pets.)

    Then they tell LIES about you to others, to insure you will have NO ONE.

    It’s beyond HORRIBLE!!!
    Please beware…they SEEM friendly, yet you feel a strange coldness when they look at you or “hug” you.

    It has DESTROYED my LIFE, & I just don’t want it to happen to anyone else. I never thought something like this would happen to me…I thought it happened to “other” people..but it happened to ME.
    In truth & caring,
    J.S.

96. Larry Says:
    July 10th, 2012 at 04:41

    @Janis

    I think that just about every victim says the same thing, “I can’t believe that it happened to me.” Psychopath’s tactics are all on an emotional level, and not on an intellectual level. Some of the brightest people in the world have been sucked in by a psychopath (i.e., sociopath).

    Colin Powell gave a speech to the UN General Assembly about Iraq had the means for weapons of mass destruction. Rumsfeld and Bush knew it was a guess at the very best, a blatant lie at the worst. But they convinced Powell that they had substantiated proof. Powell has said that speech is one of the biggest regrets of his life.

    Anyone, from any walk of life, can become a victim. The psychopath is a very skilled and evil manipulator, and can fool the brightest. Such as Bernard Madoff. Such as George W. Bush.

    Don’t take any of the blame yourself … you were the victim. Feel some rejoice that you are able to learn about people like them, that you can move on with your life, and try not to look back. You’ll succeed, though the road can be long.

97. David Says:
    August 3rd, 2012 at 18:05

    I really don’t know where to began.

    Our home life has not always been perfect. We have raised one child,which joined the Marine Corps,and are still in the process of raising another. Where the problem lies is with son in the Marines. He has not seen any tours of duty yet. He went into service straight out of highschool. He seemed very happy with us when he left. We even went to his graduation from bootcamp,and he seemed glad to see us.

    Where the trouble starts is when his highschool girlfriend,that he was engaged to, left him for another guy.The twist is the guy she left withs wife was left here.So she sets her sights on my son.

    Being about eight years older than he,and married three times before.I didn’t feel he needed to rush into marriage,but when he came home they had a quick courthouse wedding.The only person that got to attend was our daughter.This woman has caused two of her past husbands to be dishonorably discharged from the military,and she put on a good front for our son until after he left for his duty station, then she started telling him lies on us that we werent trying to accept her and were mistreating her.

    We helped them get a house to rent with some people we knew so if she needed anything while he was overseas we would be close.They left owing rent,owing my wife and I money back on a loan we had gotten to help them with moving expenses.She had been accused of stealing cash out of her landlords purse,but the law never could convict her.

    My son has totally isolated us from his life,and they are blaming us for being bad parents.This girl is very smart,but she has to keep somekind of drama going all the time.We have even caught her in lies,and although my son knows its a lie.He blames us and says that we just cant stand for him to be happy.I’m just a very concerned parent.How many families is she going to destroy before the law does something to this girl.

    My son has hurt our family so bad that I don’t believe we will ever be a family again.She has basically brainwashed him into thinking that were terrible people. He told me that we weren’t family we were just donors. It felt like he ripped my heart right out of my chest. I have never in my life hated someone to the extent that I hate this girl,and my son has talked so bad to his grandparents and his mom and me until I’ve grown cold toward him.

    He is like a stranger to me. I have fallen into depression over the emotion stress,and I feel like I have so much anger for them hurting my family.

98. Rigel Says:
    August 11th, 2012 at 17:53

    Hello everyone. I’ve read pretty much every post on this site and I’m not surprised to see a lot of wrecked lives and ruined families resulting from sociopathic manipulation. I’m a 19 year old, and I just found out I have sociopathic tendencies. I am not a full blown sociopath, as I have a conscience and emotions (yes, including the good ones like love), but I am prone to pathological behaviors (lying, manipulation, mischief). From birth to around 8, I was a fearless child, in other words I had no sense of fear and did not respond or learn from punishment; I wandered a block to go play at a park, alone, when I was 3. First year of kindergarten, age 5, I pulled the fire alarm. Talked my way out of the fire alarm thing, saying I tripped on the chair while I was examining it and pulled the alarm to steady myself. That was a lie, I pulled it because I wanted to see what happened.

    I didn’t get along well with most children because I didn’t respect social norms (cooperation, empathy, respect for authority). I did, however, possess the famous “charm” trait and I could talk or manipulate my way around some of the younger kids and lead them around like an army.

    When I was 12 I came to an unnerving realisation; I had no personality of my own. I recognised that I switched masks depending on the situation and the group of people. I would analyze people based on their reactions, map out their personality types and behavior patterns, and adapt my personality to influence them in any way I felt I needed to. If I wanted them to stay out of my way, I would be tough-mean or intellectual-mean, or whatever was necessary to transmit the message. If I liked them or wanted their company, I would map their behaviors and craft a mask that was similar to their actual personality.

    What I am saying is sociopaths do not have an actual personality. It’s like they exist but do not at the same time. It’s like a roleplaying game. I role played as a soft-hearted aspiring artist, a hard-headed but well-meaning idealist, a distant intellectual, a burning romantic. I grafted these onto myself, usually based on personal preference, i.e. what felt more natural to adapt to.

    But I used that piercing sociopathic evaluation on myself and realised something was very, very wrong with me. It startled me so much, in fact, that I buried it quickly and rationalised it as nonsense and overthinking.

    My mother’s side of the family has a history of sociopathy. My maternal grandfather was one. He met my grandmother, who was weak and from a wealthy family, and knocked her up. They were then married, with 3 children eventually. He joined every gentleman’s club, using money he took from his children’s dinner plates and common essentials like electricity. He bought a theater with the aspiration to run it successfully, but only succeeded in running it into the ground. He cheated on my grandmother in their marital bed while she slept downstairs with the children. He then moved all 4 of them onto a farmhouse with no electricity or running water (winters were very cold). He once told his children he had cancer, which devastated my mother, who went into hysterics. Oh but don’t worry, it was all a joke! My uncle and aunt both have aspects of this; my uncle cheats frequently on his wife, who turns a blind eye to it, and my aunt tore through the inheritance left by my grandmother, leaving my mother anything that wasn’t valuable.

    But here’s the factor that changes things for me. From the day I was born to when I went to school, my mother was with me pretty much 24/7 and showered me with tenderness, affection and love. I slept with my parents, often my mother, until I was around 8. Because of this, I “learned” empathy. I would get into fights (I loved the thrill and glory of hand-to-hand combat on the playground), then feel horrible if I hurt them or made them cry. I’d commit pathological and destructive behaviors without recognizing them as such until afterward. I can lie effortlessly, and can instinctively use my empathy to make myself “feel” the part of the mask I was wearing, so it would be literally foolproof.

    There was one case when I was around 10 where a kid in the group I was with told me he was planning on committing suicide. He was around 12, an early bloomer who looked 16. He was smart enough but not very witty, and if we’d disagree about something, say the cardgame we were playing, he’d match my wit with sheer intimidation. That said, he was not a bad person, troubled yes, I suspect now that he was depressed. I immediately did a scan of him and recognised depressive and esteem issues. I also calculated that while he was considering suicide, he clearly did not intend to do so if he was telling others of this. Naturally he expected my response to be “don’t say that, that’s terrible”. Seeing this, I instead responded with something like “It’s a personal decision, if you decide life isn’t worth living you should end it”. I remember enjoying the look of shock and confusion on his face as the recess bell rang. After school I thought about it and it struck me that I just told someone who was contemplating suicide that he should do it if he wants to. What kind of monster says something like that? I tracked him down after that and befriended him, because I felt so horrible about what I had done.

    I had tormented myself with my own pathological thoughts to the degree that I have intense anxiety and depressive issues. No one wants to be a monster, yet I have these cold, monstrous thoughts. I manipulated people into attacking each other for my own enjoyment. Why did I enjoy this? What was wrong with me? Should I kill myself so I don’t hurt anyone else? Or should I wander into the wilderness and never come into contact with anyone ever again? I then discovered lovefraud purely by chance, and learned about the nature of this disorder, and how it had warped and in some instances replaced my personality. I went to a psychologist who then confirmed that I did have sociopathic tendencies.

    Enough about me though, that’s probably sociopathic egotism on my part. If anyone wants to know why sociopaths act the way they do in specific situations, I might be able to shed some light on it for you. I also want to say, for the sake of those that hurt you all, I am so sorry for the horrible damage they have done.

    True sociopaths are to be pitied more than anything else. They are like people; they talk, walk, they *seem* to feel emotions. But even the negative emotions are a ruse. They are machines of instinct. The one defining feature of the human being that sets us above every other creature is the power of our conscience. They don’t have these higher faculties. They are driven by instinct to do anything in their power to satisfy their needs, be it food, material or subconscious needs (like influence, power). They learn about things like conscious and the needs, wants and desires of others but only on an intellectual level. They know these things exist for empaths, and that empaths need to be “pandered to” in this regard for their own needs to be sated and their desires to be realised. EVERYTHING is calculated by an intelligent sociopath.

    Sorry for the super-long post. I hope this gave someone some insight into why sociopaths behave the way they do.

    Thank you all.

99. Larry Says:
    August 11th, 2012 at 19:32

    @Rigel

    After a careful read of your bio I find it difficult to doubt you. The events and actions you describe are within my realm of personal experience. Which leads me to questions, if you don’t mind:

    Have you traced it beyond your grandfather and uncle? Do you have siblings or cousins that you recognize are similar to you? What does it do to you knowing everything about yourself? Does it empower you?

    At 19, you are likely just out of high school. How did you perform scholastically? Are you in college? What are your plans for the future?

    Thank you.

100. Larry Says:
     August 11th, 2012 at 20:35

     @David

     Unfortunately, the law will only get involved if she breaks it. Breaking families apart is morally and ethically wrong, but not legally wrong. And please don’t think I’m making light of your situation, as I’m not. I’ve been there.

     I know exactly what it’s like. I’m sorry to say this, but for your own health, you need to focus on you and your wife, and not on your son or his wife. The more you try to make sense of it, the more twisted it will become. Let them go.

     You should seek professional help in the form of both a psychiatrist (for anti-depressants) and a psychologist (for talk therapy). You are a victim in all this, and you need to focus on you and those close to you. It’s not about him or her anymore, it’s about you.

     I hope you take my advice, as it’s coming from a father who lost both his daughters in a similar manner. I know how much it hurts.

101. Rigel Says:
     August 11th, 2012 at 23:34

     Thank you for responding, I’ll answer your questions.

     My family is small, but I have two cousins on my aunt’s side. Ever since I recognized my defect, I began scrutinizing the actions of my relatives with the sociopathic personality in mind. I’m beginning to see problems. My oldest cousin is a girl, and she is currently in the UK on benefits, after leaving twice from my aunt’s house. I recall my mother mentioning she was very close to this girl before I was born, and that they were extremely similar in contrast to my cold aunt. I should mention, my mother is the extreme opposite of my aunt; she makes friends wherever she goes, and is extremely outgoing and kind. Anyways, this cousin had fairly regular problems herself, mostly related to self-esteem. The slightly younger male cousin was always the more intellectual one, and this resulted in an inferiority complex which piled on top of clinical anxiety and depression problems she faced. She never felt loved by her parents, at least not as much as my other cousin, her brother.

     I should also clarify my grandmother’s current husband. He targeted her like my grandfather did, and by the time they were both in their 70s, he managed to gamble, drink and golf away most of our family’s inheritance.

     An interesting thing I noticed, however, is how when my grandmother’s husband’s health took a turn for the worse (he is a chronic smoker and drinker despite quadruple bypass surgery) suddenly my aunt’s demeanor changed towards him. They always had a hostile relationship, but suddenly my aunt was his best friend, particularly when my grandmother became ill with alzheimers. We then found out they were discussing the divisions of the will, which at the time was not enough to mean anything life-changing. Maybe a couple grand. My mother was essentially taken out of the will as it pertains to physical possessions, with my aunt getting anything of substantial value. An interesting thing I found out however, was that he had put me as the beneficiary in his will as far as actual money went. This is interesting, because I was always polite with him and wasn’t made aware of the family intrigue until about 2 years ago. I suspect he sees right through my aunt and relatives, and he sees my mother and I as the only ones who didn’t try and butter him up for our grandmother’s property.

     Being that my mother is normal, and has never been aware of what sociopaths are (I called her recently to tell her of my findings, she had no idea what I was talking about at first) I am becoming increasingly worried about what might happen to her when my grandmother and her husband pass away. I intend to give the money to her, as she needs it much more than I do at the present time. They may try and steal the inheritance, however, by challenging the will in court.

     What does knowing what I am do to me? This is a hard one to answer. It struck me like a sack of ice when I pieced the puzzle together. I have the same neurological defect as Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer and Richard Kuklinski. I have the same neurological defect as the millions of people on this earth right now that inflict nothing but pain and suffering on other people. Imagine your favorite sociopath, the one that caused you so much pain that you created this site. Now imagine that person as a double inside your head.

     Emotion, feeling, crying, pain; pity, sympathy, empathy; friendship, romance, love. Every time you feel these, another part of you whispers how weak and false these are. You don’t have friends, only enemies you aren’t aware of yet. The way that person’s head split open when their car crashed into that streetlight was hilarious. Good work, you made that girl cry. Your friend is confiding in you about something he’s afraid of, or something he’s weak in. You should remember that in case you need to use it against him.

     They get worse. It’s like a compulsion, it’s extremely hard to explain. In some instances, yes I’d say I feel empowered. In others, I feel like I’m trapped in a room, with unblinking eyes fixed on my every action, judging, making notes, observing my interactions, crafting masks.

     At the same time I am aware of my actions. I am completely responsible for everything I have ever done, and admitting that makes me feel a little bit better.

     As for school, this is something I always struggled with. I don’t do the homework, or commit seriously to making the best grade I can. I have no justification for this, I just never valued it. I’d find ways to rationalise it, or I would do work at the last possible minute. Still, my lowest grade is a 70, and most of my classes are between 70s and 85s.

     I have a hazy plan of what I want to do. I have obsessive interests, for example I will become extremely interested in a particular empire or country, mathematical and scientific concepts, or business and economics. I should stress the latter. I always figured I would go into one of these fields, but I’m indecisive.

     I’ll have “visions”, so to speak, or ideas of how I want things to look, what I’d do if I was able to accomplish this, where I’d want to go, but the path there is always suspiciously hazy.

     I’d also like to ask what you think of my approaching you and the contributors to your forum. I’m being sincere, though I imagine you’re taking what I say with a grain of salt, which is completely justified. But I want to help if I can. I can tell you why sociopaths have certain behaviors, and what motivates these, and maybe what to suspect from them down the road.

     Oh, and sorry if this seems drawn out. I obsess over details a bit too much.

     Thanks.

102. Rigel Says:
     August 11th, 2012 at 23:35

     Sorry, I forgot to mention my grandmother remarried, to ANOTHER sociopath she met at a bar where he was waiting tables.

103. Larry Says:
     August 12th, 2012 at 18:24

     @Rigel

     As I said in my first response, I find it difficult to doubt you. You seem to know quite clearly what you are talking about.

     You are welcomed here as is anyone who is not causing trouble, i.e., harassing, bullying, etc. other site visitors. I’m sure we’ve had other visitors with AsPD, NPD, OCD, etc., but they did not “out” themselves for whatever reason.

     Your commentary may help some people see more clearly what’s going on in the heads of their sociopaths.

104. Rigel Says:
     August 19th, 2012 at 17:24

     I’ve been doing some introspection, and I’m beginning to think antisocial behavior is a response mechanism to certain stressors. Some behaviors will always be there, but they aren’t necessarily bad; a lack of a fear response and being generally impulsive can be troublesome at times, but they can be managed or even taken advantage of. These are traits I’ve always possessed regardless of my mental state.

     More importantly, however, I was reading about your son, and though you did the best you possibly could have, I suspect the stressor of having a psychopath for a mother might have triggered a “shutdown” of emotional connection.

     My father is a highly functional alcoholic who, despite not having a mean nature, would become highly verbally abusive and critical of me when he drank (which was very frequently). I found that when that began, I began to “withdraw” emotionally from my father particularly, and become aloof with him and other authority figures. Instead of experiencing hurt and pain the way a normal person would process it, I instead disconnected these emotions completely.

     When my mother became involved with a sociopath (now my half-brother’s father) when I was around 9 years old, he did exactly what sociopaths are good at and pitted my mother against me. I was extremely attached to my mother, so that particular disconnection was extremely brutal on my psyche, and that’s when I developed a sense of how to read people and their actions.

     Though I’m sure there are many sociopaths who were born with literally no connection to anyone, I suspect that these people are in the minority if we were to compare childhoods. I also suspect in a controlled test, if we were able to compare the rates of antisocial behavior in children of a sociopath/normal parent, there would be a significant increase in this behavior in children with sociopathic mothers as opposed to fathers.

     I suspect the development of empathy in early childhood begins in the connection between mother and child. That’s not to say that children without mothers can’t develop it normally; when I say this I am specifically referring to at-risk children that don’t “catch on” to these things naturally.

105. Danna Says:
     August 19th, 2012 at 21:02

     Rigel, there’s an FBI paper on socio/psychopaths that says a socio/psychopath is not entirely hardwired in, until mid-20s. With your insight into yourself and your situation, you actually could choose to stop lying and manipulating – even if you have to battle the urge to do so, the rest of your life. I’m going to suggest you drink in several lectures at TED.com:

     Dr. James Fallon’s – a UC Irvine neuroscientist who’s studied the brains of serial killers for over 20 years, who then discovered he, himself, has the brain of a psychopath, but yet, he’s not one.

     Sebastian Seung’s – an MIT physicist and neuroscientist who wrote the book Connectomes. His mantra is “We are more than our genes!”

     And all others who discuss neuroscience, PTSD, unresolved trauma and unresolved grief, and the importance of honesty, and doing no harm to others. (Lots of “ands” there!)

     Btw, my heart goes out to you, that you had a dad who chose alcohol over all else, and a step dad who did even worse.

     I’m going to believe you can better. There’s lots of people who change for the better….when they choose to embrace what’s right, and they are courageous enough to muscle through the excruciatingly difficult work to get better.

106. Rigel Says:
     August 30th, 2012 at 20:34

     @Danna

     Thanks for the kind words. I actually found out a little while ago I also have a condition known as synesthesia; it’s a blending of senses, such as people being able to hear colours or taste words. My particular type is a condition known as mirror-touch synesthesia. I can literally feel the pain of others. Being a sociopath, however, means I don’t process these feelings the same way. For example, I don’t have a negative reaction to certain kinds of pain, such as burning or crushing, and I don’t feel fear or revulsion at things other people do. I also do this with feelings, which can be very uncomfortable due to the fact that fear or intense emotionality in general is very foreign to me.

     Since I have no fear-based empathy, I instead relied on this to guide my thoughts and actions. I still don’t have a desire to be part of a social network or around people in general, but I do have this sort of respect for all life. I decided I wouldn’t eat anything I couldn’t kill myself, and thus I became a vegetarian.

     Don’t worry, nobody has anything to worry about with me. I had severe dissociative problems when I was younger due to a combination of sensory overload from my synesthesia and childhood trauma, and that brought my antisocial behaviors out. I’m much better at dealing with it now.

     Because I don’t want to turn this into a blog about myself, I’m going to stop typing now.

     If you had any problems with a psychopath, however, I’d be happy to provide advice or insight into his/her thinking so you can plan your next move. That goes for everyone.

107. Anonymous Says:
     September 2nd, 2012 at 15:11

     This is an important website. It can be very difficult to find true friends and support when being attacked by sociopaths.

     I filed a complaint against a company about 10 years ago. Every since they’ve been spreading rumors about me. They tapped my mobile and house phones. When I travel for contract work they bug my hotel room. When I talk to people about jobs over the phone someone tries to keep me from being hired. This is just a few things I’ve experienced, the other things are more extreme.

     I believe that character assassination victims should help each other. If anyone feels isolated as a result of sociopaths or need some psychological support I would like to know if I can help you in some way.

     Thanks

108. Allen Says:
     September 2nd, 2012 at 21:10

     Hello.

     Have you considered that these people are psychic? I know some will think it to be a flaky idea, but after having my life destroyed by a sociopath, I know it is true. Their ability to manipulate is just awesome. My mother’s life was destroyed along with mine, and she actually died from it. It was like the life energy was sucked from her.

     I won’t even relate the story, because you already know the gist of it. These people are nuts and there are so many nowadays. I do not believe our society will survive it all. Allen

109. Jim Says:
     September 2nd, 2012 at 22:40

     Allen,

     I don’t think they’re psychic. In fact I know they’re not psychic. They’re very stupid, but they try really hard to appear to be psychic-like. I also assume that a lot of time and money is wasted. Maybe they hire private contractors to play these mind games and spread rumors. Sometimes I wonder what the hourly rate is for the people they get to do the work.

     I know the people involved in my situation. That’s what makes it very dangerous. As I said before other people are very angry and at some point people behind this sociopath stuff are going to be looked for found and approached. Nobody is going to be playing any games when that happens. I hope they use common sense and decide to leave it alone. The risks are extreme on both sides.

110. Johnathon Says:
     September 12th, 2012 at 14:37

     your accounts remind me of how my life was ruined by Margaret, she schemed, lied and stole my friends even falsely accusing one of her “friends” to be a sociopath, i was reading on your site and all of this reminds me of “Maggi” after we stopped hanging out, and virtually all of my friends turned on me, with the exception of the ones she has not met

111. Madmacks Says:
     September 27th, 2012 at 13:06

     Larry,

     I became the target of my psychopath after I learned too much about him, as well. My psychopath was wealthy, in the real estate business, attended charity events, but also had a very well known reputation for ‘acting in bad faith’ and bullying.

     On June 23rd, 2008, I learned that this man was convicted of accomplice to murder. Given what I already knew, I became very concerned. I learned this before I ever understood psychopathy, so the pattern of expected behavior was still unknown to me.

     My psychopath is my ex-father in law, and I discovered that he was 100% responsible for the murder of his childhood friend, 2 weeks after separating from my ex-wife, just as our divorce began. He proceeded to spend over $1.2 Million in legal fees to destroy me. My ex-wife who is also severely emotionally dysfunctional went right along with it and lied just about everything she could.

     In our Custody hearing, I gave my wife full custody, trying to appease her. She asked the Judge that I be denied all visitation. The Judge said, “this is very unusual, I have never been asked to deny visitation before without some allegations of physical, sexual, or drug abuse. I’ve heard none.” At least three Judges called it “over-reaching”.

     The Judge was so badly fooled by my ex-wife that even though he never found me to be an unfit parent he denied all visitation.

     I have been fighting tooth and nail to expose the fact that the Judge in my case was horribly fooled and getting the Court to acknowledge that there is a severe personality disorder behind the conflict. [The doctor] called it a ‘conspiracy of silence’ when it comes to psychopathy.

     Keep up the great work on your blog. The experts and the courts will not hold psychopaths accountable, so its up to the targets to expose the truth about these people.

112. R Says:
     October 12th, 2012 at 20:52

     I came across your site a couple of years ago, and it has helped me ever since.

     My close friends and some family members know now, what I am dealing with. For many years I knew something was wrong with one family member who caused all of us so much trouble, but I couldn’t put a name to it. Over time, I discovered their malice. I think this person has eventually figured out that I am on to their game, so they have turned up the heat on their smear campaign against me, especially those closest to them.

     I think when these kinds of people have kids, they are inclined to turn their kids against their target, eventhough they, themselves will be nice to you, face to face. The kids don’t know it, but the sociopath does, because they are almost like a professional actor of sorts. It is terrifying. And you feel powerless, except for the fact that all you can do is avoid them in any way you can.

     To your face, they are sweet, charismatic and charming – you think this person loves and adores you, as you do them….. Years later, you find out behind your back, they have slandered you, and destroyed your reputation. Sometimes this happens within the victim’s own family. This happened to me, but luckily, some other people in my family and a couple of friends know ‘what the deal is’.

     You are grateful for any support you can get. And also grateful for finding sites such as this. Many thanks to you, Larry for providing a site where people can share their stories. I have lived my life in fear of this person, even when I was too young to know any better, and yet still looked up to them when I was a kid, b/c of their magnetic charm and charisma.

     It has been a learning experience, to say the least.

113. Larry Says:
     October 12th, 2012 at 23:19

     R,

     Thank you for the kind words. Throughout my adult life, when times got tough, I would start a journal. Writing down my feelings always seemed to help me get through difficult times. In August, 2009, I decided to start another journal, but I thought it would be more valuable to me and others if I journaled on the web.

     I felt very alone when I began this. I felt it would just be my little private web site documenting events and situations that even I could not piece together or believe. I thought I was going crazy since so many people had discarded me as trash. And since no one would even speak with me, I’ve never known everything that has been said about me. But for so many people to turn me into a pariah, the stories must have been horrifying.

     But as I’ve said elsewhere on this site, I first noticed after just three months that this site was appearing on the first page of Google search results, ahead of psychiatric institutions, universities, the media, and the federal government. I was not only humbled, but I embraced it.

     Again, thank you.

114. carma Says:
     November 22nd, 2012 at 03:07

     Last yr I found out about my sisters secret life. She died in 1990.But what she did to me haunts me to this day. In high school she convinced people I was sexualy attacking other students. It was her. I don’t know how she did it. After school the destruction continued. She hooked up with a male child molester, had two childeren. She molested them.
     Meanwhile she has me so wrapped up in her mind f— I don’t know which end is up. Acting like she wants to be my loving sister, then stabbing me in the back. The horrible things she did confused me to the point that it damaged my self confidence. Now I am mad as hell.

115. carma Says:
     November 22nd, 2012 at 03:17

     Yes Larry, I was a pariah too.
     It is comforting to know someone else knows what it is like. I’m not alone.

116. Jojo Says:
     November 22nd, 2012 at 08:45

     Hello again Larry. Well, I’ve been to court several times over the last 12 months. It has cost the taxpayers around £10,000 and my barrister has spoken about a dozen words.

     My psycho daughter and my psycho ex husband have torn my previous good reputation to shreds. My granddaughter is not allowed to see me at all, her guardian, who was at first in full agreement with me about her abuse, now refuses to speak to me and has suggested to the court that Jess is kept away from me.
     I have to keep fighting but I don’t know where else to go. I am so worried about my granddaughter growing up with these two psychos!!

     It is so scary that this can happen in the 21st century. It seems that personality disorder is still not understood or believed in England. These creatures have full carte blanche to wreak havoc on peoples lives. Surely someone, somewhere will start the ball rolling. Why can’t we arrange some sort of organization whereby we can bring this anomaly to public recognition and maybe eventually we will all have some sort of protection – well at least, belief!

117. Larry Says:
     November 22nd, 2012 at 09:09

     Jojo,

     I cannot verbally express my sadness when I hear stories like this, even though I’ve been through it myself.

     It’s not just in the UK because it happened to me in the US and I hear it from all parts of the world. The people we put our trust in are ignorant in the majority, I believe. Maybe the next generation will have more experience and education to help bring it to the public’s attention. Sociopaths crave power, just as judges and attorneys do.

118. Madmacks Says:
     January 29th, 2013 at 13:23

     Jo Jo,

     Your experience sounds very similar to mine. I told the doctors, lawyers, and judges in my divorce case that I am 100% certain that my ex-wife and her father are psychopaths, who have spent $1.2 Million in legal fees to have two partners show up in Court for 53 hearings, in order to keep me from my children, after I learned that my ex-wife and her family hid the fact that her father was convicted of hiring Charles Harrelson (yes,Woody’s father) to murder his business partner and good friend.

     Not one single person in my case will recognize the alienation, control, or abuse that I have reported to the Court. They have not said it, but they all recognize that I am right but refuse to do anything about it. I have lost 50 out of 53 hearings in my case. The only 3 I won was to let me out of jail. I have petitioned the Court 4 times for a Guardian Ad Litem and the Court has denied my children their right to an attorney 4 times. The Court is preventing a third party from entering the case, who would instantly recognize the patterns of psychopathy and alienation.

     Larry is right. Lawyers and Judges are also psychopathic in their thinking. They have complete immunity and no accountability. They see what they want to see and if they don’t like what they see, they just turn a blind eye to it.

     The reality is that the condition is well known, but NO ONE wants to do anything about it. The LAWS must be changed to protect the public. The only way that will happen is if the Victims/survivors of psychopaths join together and speak out. Unless there is a victim, there is no problem.

119. Jojo Says:
     January 29th, 2013 at 18:08

     So what is our next step? We can’t all just sit in our homes hoping someone, somewhere will do something! While I’m here madmacks, don’t put all your hopes on a Guardian. The one I was finally awarded agreed with me that Jess is an abused child.

     He was my best friend until he visited my daughter and ex. Then he called me to say he was recommeding that Jess should be kept away from me, and although he guessed Amanda was still on drugs (she refused a test), he thought she could cope!! No one seems to have the sense to realise that she knows how to behave in front of an audience.

     When I asked him how he knows my granddaughter will be safe he said ‘Well obviously, I don’t'!!!!!! These people are ‘protecting’ our innocent, helpless children!!! Although Jess has told her mom, on advice from children’s services that she will phone Childline if her mom is ‘mean’ to her again, I know from my knowledge of my daughter that she will frighten Jess into not doing anything.

     Jess has no protection. The one person who has protected her all her life is being airbrushed out of her life!! I just pray she will be able to find me when she’s older!!!

120. Jojo Says:
     January 29th, 2013 at 18:13

     LET’S ALL GET TOGETHER AND GET SOMETHING DONE! SURELY THERE MUST BE SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO KNOWS A NORMAL, DECENT, LAWYER. PLEASE HELP US FOR OUR CHILDRENS SAKE!!

121. Larry Says:
     March 3rd, 2013 at 05:29

     Jojo,

     If that were possible, it would have already been done. It’s a medical/psychological disorder which means it would be carried out an individual basis.

     Your theory sounds doable, but for now, it is indeed impossible.

122. Jojo Says:
     March 3rd, 2013 at 12:44

     ????????
     I’m lost in a long, dark, everlasting tunnel!!

123. Larry Says:
     March 3rd, 2013 at 14:38

     Jojo,

     If it’s any consolation to you, most of us, I included, have spent a lot of time in that dark pit. Take one day at a time. The way they are in the UK is pretty much the same as the US and everywhere else.

     You must get them out of your life so you can start fresh. Getting them out of your life usually means you need to move.

124. Johanna Says:
     April 1st, 2013 at 07:59

     Thank you, Larry, for your eye opening site. I stumbled on it while Googling sociopathic & psychopathic traits. I am so sorry such awfulness has happened in your life. I’m also sorry for the commenters here who have had such horrendous experiences.

     Why the hell can’t pscyhos be locked up just for not being ‘normal’? Sigh. I was married to a consumate Gaslighting pscyopath. We were only married for 3 yrs but even after I left him (and moved overseas to get away from him) I am still struggling to try to put my life back together FOUR years later. The pain and the damage he caused me can never be completely undone.

     It makes me very sad and also frustrated and angry that these people walk amongst us, gaily inflicting pain on those around them for their personal amusement and advancement.

125. Larry Says:
     April 1st, 2013 at 09:42

     Johanna.

     Thank you for your very kind words.I really appreciate it. In 1995,in my divorce I was granted full custody of my 4 yo son and 2yo daughter. Most all that time was quiet, except for her death threat.

     But the worst thing happened 11 years after the divorce and that was when my ex “legally” abducted my daughter. She was 14 at the time, which allowed her to decide which parent to live with. Up until then, she never had good things to say about her mother, even calling her a lying bitch to her friends.

     But my ex was extremely manipulative, and told her that if she move in with her,she would have no curfew and she would never be put on restriction gain. My daughter told that to my son. They had been the best of friends, but no more. I have not seen nor heard from my daughter in seven years.

     I attempted to visit her once after she turned 18, as I just politely knock on her door, and kept trying to convince her to see me. I had this fear that some neighbor would call the cops. Sure enough, three patrols cars raced up, one was a K9 unit.

     Long story short, it was my daughter who call 911 and lied to the dispatcher that their was a restraining order against me. There’s has never been an order against me, and the cops just suggested I not bother her again or I could get arrested for stalking.

     It never ends.

126. Johanna Says:
     April 6th, 2013 at 08:06

     Woah, that’s awful Larry. I could cope with my ex turning his entire family against me (bar one member) b/c I was not very close to his family.

     But for your own daughter to be turned against you by your ex is so vengeful & hurtful. I can’t imagine how much pain comes with that. The manipulation, brain washing & paranoid double standards know no end.

     The day my ex tried to use my parents against me was his final curtain call. He manipulated my father over on to his side, but my mother said, “No, something’s not right here. I don’t know what it is, but it’s just not right.”

     My parents urged me to stay safe & to lie to him – ie to tell him I was going away for a break. Then they booked me on a one way international flight out of the country. Some days later, I said goodbye to the ex at the airport. When the plane took off and I was on it and he wasn’t, I cried knowing I’d never have to see him again.

     I had married him for all the right reasons (love) but then I had to leave him for a new set of right reasons (safety). Thankfully there were no children. I walked away with my sanity intact, which was all I ever wanted.

127. Larry Says:
     April 6th, 2013 at 21:25

     Hi Johanna,

     Your mother is quite wise. It’s so very difficult to not get sucked into what a charming sociopath says.

     As difficult as it is, you did the right thing by leaving town (i.e., the country) to rid yourself of the evil. Many people believe that’s an extreme, or they just can’t, especially if there are children involved.

     About six years after my divorce with my sociopath, she and her new family bought a home and moved in … on the same street as I live on, about ten house down. She had lived in a different city.

     And the most evil thing she ever did to me was eleven years after our divorce. It is lifelong and never stops.

128. Johanna Says:
     April 7th, 2013 at 04:13

     Hey Larry,

     Do you wonder if she moved in to your street so she can continue to watch how you respond to her behaviour & continue her torment? I mean, the US is a big place – what other motivation is there to move in right under your nose?

     Making an international move to get away from my ex sociopath didn’t feel extreme. His behaviour had damaged me so much that I couldn’t function or think straight. He’d convinced me that so many untruths were true & I needed to be as far away from his lies & abuse as I could get.

     I’ve since read that sociopaths can’t change…that they’re biologically built the way they are. Do you agree?

     Before meeting him, I knew that evil existed in the world but I niaively thought I was immune to evil b/c I was a ‘nice person.’ I’ve since learned that the predatory nature in all sociopaths makes them prey on ‘nice’ people. The ‘nice’ folks are generally the unsuspecting folks.

     Since leaving/divorcing the ex & after 3 yrs of counselling, I still have an overwhelming suspicion/fear of people. An emotional hypervigilance that makes me question (internally) peoples’ motives for anything they do. In time, I’m sure my suspicion will reduce and whilst I might one day be almost as ‘nice’ & kind as I was once, I won’t ever be as niaive or gullible.

     That makes me kinda sad, but at least I’m 10,000 miles away from the ex and that makes me happy

129. Larry Says:
     April 7th, 2013 at 19:59

     Johanna,

     My belief is my ex moved to my neighborhood because I was granted full physical and legal custody of my son and daughter. She only got visitation rights. And she moved just three houses down from my daughter’s best friend.

     I don’t know if my daughter would go visit with her or not. I know my son stopped seeing her even on her weekends, and she had no problem with that. Looking back now, she had schemed to pull my daughter to her side, and she was successful. I have not seen nor spoken with my daughter for seven years now. She got my daughter by lying to a judge, and telling my daughter she would never be on restriction nor would she have a curfew. She was just 14. Funny that the judge never asked about my son.

     A sociopath can change, but only for the worse. They continue to hone their skills.

     The ongoing mistrust of people, I believe, is fairly normal. When I meet someone new, I really pay attention to their actions and words. I’ve also gone back through my history and identified people I’ve worked with as having sociopathic traits. It explains to me why these people were the way they were.

130. Jojo Says:
     April 13th, 2013 at 18:45

     Hi Larry
     I’m seeing my MP next Saturday, 20 April, just to get some ideas and thoughts about changing some aspects of Children’s Services.
     People have changed laws haven’t they and I want to see what it entails.
     Even thought I might never see my darling granddaughter again we must try to educate the public.
     I have found a few experts on psychopathy now in UK (finally) and I am going to make my time count.
     I’ll let you know of everything I learn Larry. I still get excited when I think I’ve found a new lead and my hopes are ALWAYS dashed. But one day…………………..

131. Candle Says:
     May 4th, 2013 at 01:39

     Hi Larry,

     My soon to be Ex-H is a definite sociopath. He DOES NOT want to finalize our divorce.

     How is it that has some friends that have known him for 18yrs., 20yrs. 25yrs. have remained his friends? While we were going through our separation, I exposed his lies, bullying tactics, irrational behavior, addictions, womanizing ways etc…So, they are aware of his character.

     They are still able to ignore his Gawd awful personality to continue as his friends.

     That’s not the worst… They too have been the victim of his sociopathy. My Ex-H has slept with his “so-called” male friend’s girlfriends and wives. Because, he is a womanizer. I am surprised his friends have tolerated him and this type of disrespect, lack of loyalty, and back stabbing character.

     It just happens that — My Ex-H has CONVENIENTLY found a lawyer that also seems to support his sociopathic/parasitic behavior.

     Larry few Q’s for you —-

     Do you have any insight into “WHY” or “HOW” his lawyer seems to go along with his outrageous demands?

     His friends are tolerating his ass&*&% ways and remain loyal to him?

     In your opinion — When or what does it take for sociopaths to give up? Give in? or just drop the battle?

     Thanks,

132. Larry Says:
     May 4th, 2013 at 11:48

     Candle,

     Of course, these are only opinions …

     His attorney puts up with him because he’s paid by the hour.

     “Friends” can be very shallow and gullible.

     I don’t know, as they are all different. He’s probably waiting for you to give up, so just hang in there and never let him see you sweat.

     All the best.

133. Blacksheep Says:
     May 7th, 2013 at 16:01

     Larry,

     Just letting you know that I’ve begun to compile/write a book on my personal experiences with sociopaths/vindictive narcissist etc.

     It will probably never be worthy of publication and I’m not so sure I want it published, it’s my own private experiences and exposing all this bad to the public opens the doors for my immediate family and myself to be under a magnifying glass full of criticisms. I know I’m not currently ready for all that just yet. Maybe some day.

     I’d like to thank you for giving me the courage to remember in extensive detail and to write it all down. I’ve begun to also compile proof of all the lies ever told.

     I started this process after my mother passed away. I’ve had many many many sleepless nights and awakened with memories of the past flooding my very soul. I’ve cried until I couldn’t see. I’ve cried till I puked. I’ve cried till I had a migraine for three days and ended up in the ER. I’m not going to do that any more. Vindictive Narcissist will no longer have any power or control over me. I refuse to allow it! So … instead of crying myself to death, I write. It’s been good for my memory, my mind and my heart. It’s even helped me to move on!

     I’ve felt as if God, my mother and my grandmother are leading me to write this and I do dedicate it all to each of them. For without them in my life as well as you dear Larry and everyone who posts here, I’d have died in December 2011.

     Thank you for helping me survive and get better with each passing day!

     I’ll never unsubscribe from your blog Larry, I’ve learned so much and continue to learn each time I’m here!

     Sincerely,
     Blacksheep

134. Larry Says:
     May 7th, 2013 at 16:16

     Blacksheep,

     That is very kind, thank you.

     I’m glad you are writing, as writing has been indeed a world of help for me. I put together events which I would have never imagined were related. The puzzle does slowly come together, and it builds strength.

     Strength gives you the ability to re-gain your self-esteem and move on with a better life. I never thought I’d be in a relationship again, but I do see that as a possibility now. True love, trust and respect conquers all. There are other people, I believe, that will give it in return. We just need to use our new-found knowledge to find them.

     Again, thanks.

Your insights are appreciated ...

Name (required)

Mail (NOT published) (required)

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail

Website

CAPTCHA Code *

Notify me of new posts by email.