Who Am I?

Deep inside, I believe, I’m still just me. The me I’ve always been.

My core foundation of passion for the loves in my life, the comfort of peace, and compassion for others, putting others before me … that’s me, that is what drives me.

What is it about me and canines that the ones I’m attracted to will be the ones destroyed because they are considered un-adoptable. Dogs that growl if you get too close. Dogs that growl viciously if they are made to feel cornered.

Dogs that cower and back away when you slowly raise your hand just to give affection. Those are the dogs who need me. There’s a certain level that dogs and I relate on. The last dog I rescued was from a sign I found hand-written at a grocery store. No photo, but it stated it was a German Shepherd, about five years old, that they needed to get rid of. I’m not sure what it was, but there was something about what they wrote that had me calling them from the store.

We agreed to meet on neutral ground since I had a male, too, and it’s difficult to have two males get along. My other male was also a rescue, now deceased, but the most amazing canine I ever knew. My son held his leash, and knew to pull him out of harms way if any aggression developed. They drove up and parked right next to my car.

When they let the dog out, my heart sank. I had never seen such a defeated, depressed, or lost-looking Shepherd in all my years. An extremely proud breed without showing an ounce of that pride. There was no bounce in his step, his head hung down, as did his tail.
Continue reading

Character assassination continues for life.

Here it’s been about 10 years since my sister, Kathy, became aware that I knew too much about her activities and she immediately made me her number one victim, and with my other siblings joining, destroyed my character. There’s been no communication between us for years. Out of my entire family, only my son and eldest aunt will speak with me.

Last week, I was talking with my aunt and out of the blue she said, “I don’t know what’s going on with Kathy. We were talking the other day and she told me to take you out of my will. I asked why? Kathy gave some weak answer, so I told her outright I was not taking you out of my will … and then she went ballistic. She was yelling at me like no one had ever done. She really upset me. But a couple days later, Kathy called me and she was back to her charming self.” Continue reading

The Devils Among Us

This is one man’s very real story — my nightmare — beginning with my earliest memories, being physically and verbally abused by my alcoholic father, as well as his favorite and first child, my violently hostile, oldest sister, Kathy. Another older sister, Marcia, began her own psychological abuse against me sometime in her mid-to-late teens.

Hers were very calmly delivered, pure psychological degradation. She was very narcissistic, such as entering beauty pageants, taking modeling classes, and becoming a varsity song girl (i.e., cheer leader) in high school. She craved the attention, and would walk past me on campus as if we were complete strangers — no, actually she’d probably smile to a complete stranger.

Sometime between his teens and 20s, my younger brother, Alan, emerged with his own narcissistic and violent, sociopathic characteristics. None of us were close growing up. The only two siblings who maintained an ongoing relationship into adulthood were Kathy, the oldest, and Alan, the youngest. They also shared the similar violent and hostile temperaments, the charming personas, and the complete lack of compassion, morality, integrity and of course, any semblance of honesty. Continue reading

Growing-up hated by loved ones.

For three years before I was born, even with another sister between us, Kathy got all dad’s attention. Old family photos hold many secrets. Kathy was always in dad’s lap. Marcia was always in mom’s.

Mom was pregnant again. If my folks didn’t have a boy, that would put an end to any future generations of our family branch. In that vein, Marcia was probably a disappointment of sorts, not being a boy, which contributed to Kathy maintaining dad’s favor after Marcia was born.

It’s a Boy.

Namesake, even. Photos of me being held by every distant relative, many whom had not appeared in any previous family photos, and virtually no sign of Kathy in any of those early photos. Continue reading

A call from my Brother the Callous

Revised: 2011 Jan 18   (First published: 2010 Apr 11)
My brother Alan is a cheat, a liar, and the executor of my parents’ Trust … a very bad combination. Interestingly, he’s also a CPA and lead auditor with the government.

Regarding all issues with the Trust, he has kept me out of the loop entirely. Alan never provided me with any of the documents required by law, except for an emailed copy of the Trust itself, after 10-days of asking.

He emptied out my parents’ house of everything, telling me he gave all their belongings to charity … another lie, as he told me things he was in possession of. He said he never had an estate sale … a decision I don’t believe was his alone to make.

He also took my dad’s Cadillac telling me that dad gave it to him a year before he died. On more than one occasion, I asked for the VIN number though he refused to give it to me. Living on opposite coasts, along with other obstacles, he knew it would be difficult for me to challenge him.

April 2010

I received the following voice mail message from Alan regarding my parents’ Trust … a full three years after mom died (dad died the year before mom). I do not believe he and I had spoken since he hung-up on me in August 2007 (the next recording down). Continue reading

How to identify who’s NOT a sociopath.

An overwhelming trait of sociopaths is that they are void of common human emotions. Besides having no remorse or guilt, they do not have the ability to love, feel compassion, or be passionate. They are busy building their following, spewing their manipulative lies, and feeling the need to be the center of attention.

Therefore, it would seem to infer that those who are genuinely opposite to the above — individuals with true human emotions, and are content with a few good friends over a mass of gullible followers — are less likely to be sociopaths. Maybe not just less likely, but most likely.

The Process of Elimination

Maybe the process of elimination would be an accurate determination of not only who isn’t but who may well be.

The Shy-Types

In very general terms, how about people who have a quiet disposition, generally stick to themselves, those who may be considered shy. At work, they actually spend their time doing their job instead of schmoozing with whoever happens to be in the lunchroom. Sociopath? I would bet not. Continue reading

When time runs out.

I don’t know how many more entries I’m going to be able to post here. Unfortunately, I’m no where near finished.

Realizing I was running out of time is one of the reasons I jumped on Semi-related Parallel Trauma to cover another very integral part of my recent past, but I didn’t even get to the guts of it. You see, I was infected with MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus) around my spine during a somewhat routine operation. The majority of those infected, especially in hospitals, don’t survive. I wasn’t supposed to.

For those who don’t know, MRSA is the third leading cause of death in the US. It kills more than those who die in car accidents, those who die of HIV-related complications and AIDS, and those who die of breast cancer … combined. Continue reading